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Being Scared and Anxious is Natural… and Unhelpful.
We humans get scared, anxious, overwhelmed, frustrated, triggered, raging, worried, and worse. These are all part of the palette of emotions that are natural for all of us.
Don’t we just have to cope?
No, we do not have to live with so much anxiety and fear.
Being Calm and Confident is a Potent Skill You Can Learn
What if when those unhelpful emotions arose, you had a real skill of calming your body and your mind… while also feeling confidence flow in you?
This would allow you to be both present with what is… and open and adaptable.
That feels empowering!
The Great News is that you can be more calm and confident in any situation because…
Being Calm and Confident is a skill.
We can teach you how to be a bit more calm than how you’re feeling now… while at the same time feeling a bit more confident than you’re feeling now.
Practice that (and it feels really good when you do!) and it will change how you experience yourself… and how others perceive you.
“Just calm down!” is never enough.
Every been told to calm down?
Ever told yourself to just calm down?
Most people try to “calm down” and fail. Why? Because being “calm” when there’s a potential threat present is not going to feel safe!
What we truly need in challenging times is core strength and resilience to be with what has us unsettled. Strength and resilience come from regulating our body-mind while focusing our resources towards what’s here now.
Of course, some people have learned to hide their insecurity and fear. Being “calm” is a sign of weakness, right? So instead they put on a mask of arrogant self-confidence (a “fake it until you make it” bravado) which does not feel reliable… because it isn’t! It’s ungrounded – brittle plastic confidence, ready to shatter at the first challenge.
True Calm Feels Alive and Aware
Being calmer is NOT passive. Calm energy has motion… it feels alive. It feels aware of what’s happening. It opens up access to ALL your inner resources. It quiets the lizard brain and monkey mind and helps you feel yourself.
Instead of racing around and around, your calming mind starts pausing, listening, sensing. Your nervous system switches from buzzing and tensing and anxious to… a place of readiness without wasting energy. The sirens turn off.
Once we start calming, there’s now room to listen more closely, see more clearly, and consider what’s really useful.
True Confidence Is Activating and Resourceful
Confident energy brings activation of and our creative potential and competence.
With confidence, we know that our life experiences (even traumatic ones) have given us strengths. Our sensitivities give us valuable insights on situations personal and professional.
It takes confidence to accept “what is” when it’s “unwanted.”
A person without the skill of confidence cannot face a challenge. They need to flee from it, or fight to force it to be different. Fix it or else!!!
Or they freeze and become weakened – literally – by their overwhelmed primitive brain. (I hate that. You?)
When we tap into our confidence, we can face Whatever It Is… squarely. From a place of calm and confidence, we flow with ideas… ways to adapt in order to first minimize harm and then to truly THRIVE!
Is Being Calm and Confident Really Possible… Even for ME?!
We have the emotional technology now to heal trauma.
We have insights into how our body-mind works that, when you understand them, it can free you from so much shame and guilt and anxiety.
We have tools – right at your fingertips – to quiet noise, self-regulate, and give your energy a clear direction.
It’s not what I thought being calm and confident was…
I thought being calm meant I didn’t feel any fear. It’s not that.
I thought being confident meant I could go boldly towards any goal knowing with certainty I could achieve it. Unstoppable! Fearless! It’s not that, either.
Have you ever heard the expression, “It’s too loud to hear myself think!”
Being calm means the noise is quieted by you “enough” that you can really sense what’s going on – without fighting or flinching or freezing – and know what your head, heart, gut, and inner guidance are saying.
The skill of calming allows you, even if flooded with emotions and fears, to quiet down ENOUGH… enough that you drop out of primitive brain knee jerk reactions. When you do that, you feel “yourself” and… feel even calmer. Ahhhhh… YES!
True confidence activates our resilience and resources.
-We become aware with open presence.
-We accept what is.
-We adapt and come up with choices that benefit us and others.
-We take inspired action – baby step after baby step (even when it’s awkward and the outcome uncertain).
-We allow support from others, and we pause to allow time and situations to evolve without constant worry.
Imagine a World…
How would you feel in your home, at work, and in community if you were a bit more calm and confident?
I’m guessing you’d feel more like yourself, and that your ideas would come forward with more ease. You’d both know what matters to your heart and have the energy to engage.
Your heartistry would flourish.
Mine, too! And theirs! And theirs and theirs and theirs!
If we made agreements from a place of calm confidence, together, toxicity in the emotional world would be replaced with… ease, respect, curiosity, kindness, and yes… Love.
Now, I’m practical. An engineer by nature. I want to build a better world using technology – including emotional technology. I can assure you that when you practice the real skill of being calm and confident, it makes all your work in the world… work better.
I’m also a heartist. I want to cultivate We-Spaces that nourish our hearts as well as our minds. Safety matters to me, and consent, and providing generously to each other so no one needlessly suffer and all have access to life-giving and heart-affirming support.
This current world requires a lot of calming… and even more confidence than we’ve ever known.
Honestly, if it were not for this real skill… I couldn’t do what I do. Each day, I practice these skills. Sometimes it takes seconds. Sometimes 20 minutes. Sometimes rising early for an extra hour before the family wakes.
What I can feel is that there are things you want to do that matter. Things you have not acted upon. Things that right now feel scary or awkward or overwhelming. I get it. It’s an incredibly overwhelming time period we live in, with uncertainty everywhere.
I’m just confident that as you learn this skill, you’ll feel energy in you and around you that is here to support you doing what matters to you… your unique heartistry.
This Thriving Now Community is here to help!
Our invitation is to do this Together. While you may not yet know this confidently in your core, Together is Better!
Next, we’ll start developing the Map we’ll use to explore this real skill.
Here’s what you can do to make sure you get notified of new parts of the workshop:
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Go to the Be Calm and Confident - Map