Oh Ye of (Some) Faith

Oh ye of little faith…

When I hear that in my head, there’s a bit of a spiritual “accusation” to it. Like, how could I not have faith when so much has been guided and provided in times of need and times of plenty?

Backstory: We rent. It’s a lovely home. Magical in how it came to be the home for our new life together.

Renting has provided a lot of Freedom. I’ve lived three places since moving to Asheville, and by not owning it has been FAR FAR easier to adapt to each new change in life and lifestyle without expenses of selling real estate. @Jem and I agree that there is a lot that fits our orientation towards freedom when it comes to renting the right place at the right time.

We also have 2 more years on our lease here.

So… with my history of always being blessed with a suitable nest in my life, having 2 more years here… what contributes to my anxiety about “having a home” in the future?

  1. Trauma. It was really hard to hear so so so many times how diminished my mother felt not being “able” to buy her own home growing up. Even after tapping today, this still feels like a 6. More to do there.

(Side note: my mother now owns two homes, and keeps renovating any home she owns almost the entire time she lives in them. So yeah, she gets a lot of pleasure out of construction projects on her own properties – something renters don’t get.)

  1. I think I have tried to “push” my “faith” up too high.

Perfect faith?

This morning in meditation I saw my faith about future housing for us. If my faith slipped below an 8, I’d feel anxious. With some confidencing, restored to an 8 I felt ease in my body-mind.

Ahhh… but if I tried to be Perfect 10 in Faith that it would “all work out” – so much strain.

Interesting.

I can’t say I am totally clear about what is in the gap between an 8 and some mythological perfect faith.

Some is the awareness that shit happens. And that’s okay. I’ve got enough resilience, as does my partner, to go with whatever arises.

As I write that, there’s a quality of expect a miracle and also be ready to shovel.

I won’t be shoveling alone. Spirit and the cooperative energies of Source and loved ones are there, too. Shoveling might not even be necessary! Most often, it isn’t. That said, every change in home/nest has involved both miracle and shoveling. The Faithful 8 is feeling like it allows me to settle any forward-feeling-anxiety and the gap keeps we feeling prepared and resilient.

Interesting.

How does “faith” fit in your world? Does this exploration evoke any notions about being Calm and Confident about the future for you, too?

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That is very interesting… and I understand perfectly (I think) what you’re describing without even bringing up a specific issue or memory…I can feel that experience very clearly…I know it! It feels like a ‘should’ to me…‘I should feel ‘X’ because that’s what I (or some aspect of ‘I’) expect to feel under these imaginary conditions I’ve imposed upon myself’…I definitely feel self-imposed expectations are involved for me…some cognitive/emotional dissonance?

Chop wood…carry water

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As I was laying in bed this morning I was reflecting on all this and it came to me that in the context of performing on stage I have had the ‘Perfect 10’ expectation placed upon me…by myself. A recipe for disaster in my experience. Typically not an actual disaster on stage (although that can happen) but an internal emotional disaster that has to be ‘fixed’ in front of an audience…and the quicker the better. And the fix is not to continue to strive harder to achieve that ‘Perfect 10’…the fix is to let go of the notion entirely and enjoy the moment…enjoy the involvement in something I love…revel in the imperfection of being perfectly human. Sometimes you just gotta say ‘fuck it’.

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I never thought of it as a 10 but I tried to be a perfect wife! - so much strain. So much losing myself. I used to write in my diary, “Please God bring me a husband because I have so much love to give and I would be a good wife, worthy of him.” YES. I wrote this night after night. So in 1957 right before New Years he knocked on my door brought by someone we both knew. August 1958 we got married and I did what I promised God I’d do. I even asked God to let me break my leg before I went to the wedding if it wasn’t the right thing to do. 63 years of trying to be a perfect 10 wife. I had a lot of faith that if I kept up my bargain, it would all be so perfect. Ha ha. I’m still working on letting go of this one but those “vows” are a bit hard to let release, plus it’s become a habit. I wrote a lot about it in my journals. I’m not sure what’s in the gap either. Am I sorry? I am not going to dwell on that. It is what it is. I had a lot of unhealed trauma and actually, not knowing what I was doing, it could have been a whole lot worse.

I want to add that he didn’t know what he was getting either and he stayed.

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I just want to say Jean that I honour your journey. You’ve had some powerful dragons to slay (or tame and befriend) along the way and I think your resilience is worth honouring.

Peace.

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Thank you Glenn. I appreciate being heard and understood. I’m not sorry about any of it actually. I like tame and befriend. I’m just trying to learn, grow, be more resilient, with less anxiety. One of the words @Rick has been using lately is Pause! Such a helpful word.

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Pause!! Such a beautiful thing to do for oneself. I’ve been in the practice lately of considering these words as energies we can embody. One of the things I’m most grateful for is all the useful word-energies Rick has offered for us to consider. Everything can change with a word. They’re like portals into possible worlds. I’ve actually been compiling a list of these word-portals for a couple of months now. These are energies we can embody that support thriving and lift us out of primitive brain perspectives and concerns. Rick talks about feeling ‘my yes’ often…today during Tapping Circle he used the phrase again and it landed so nicely within me. That’s another aspect of these word-portals is that they can land differently within me on different days. One day I give a particular word little nod of acknowledgement and on another day that same word can feel like it’s rippling through me and altering my entire being…lol. Good stuff!!

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Do you feel like sharing your list? My first is pause of course. I also like safety, respect, generosity. Another favorite is gravity. I also practice letting gravity hold me so I can practice relaxing more. How about calm and confidence? I’m sure we have many more. :thinking:

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NO!! My list is secret and it’s only for me!!

:slight_smile:

Of course I’ll share it…it’s a collection of words and ideas that Rick has offered us. Another word from yesterday’s Tapping Circle was ‘allow’…to be in a state of ‘allowing’…this was in response to someone’s sense of feeling trapped in certain situations…oh, I think that was you Jean…lol…and that’s a HUGE one for me…a continuous thread through my life is the sensation of being trapped in a situation and the idea (or portal into an alternative response) represented by the energy of ‘allowing’ really made an impact on me yesterday and made me realize how seldom I enter into an ‘allowing’ state…I’m usually trying to control myself and my environment to some degree. Allowing has such a calm and confident aspect to it for me and it feels like an important aspect of the experience of thriving. Also yesterday the idea of a ‘soft landing’ (I think I got that right…??) that Rick expressed…a ‘soft menu’…these metaphors, for me, are so powerful and Rick is a treasure trove of them.
I’d love for us to compile a comprehensive list of these sorts of words, concepts and phrases…for me, it’s nice to have them to ponder and reflect on. My list is far from comprehensive.

THE SECRET LIST

**NOTE: …other’s have paid thousands of dollars for this ‘Secret List’ but today, as a limited time offer, you can have it for only hundreds of dollars…just keep making weekly payments until I tell you to stop.

SIMPLE UPLIFT

PAUSE

CO-REGULATE

DOWN REGULATE

PLIABLE VS PLAYABLE

VIGILANCE/ALERTNESS SCALE

WE SPACE

ME SPACE

CO-CREATING

HEARTISTRY

ENERGETIC BLUEPRINT

EMOTIONAL FREEDOM

SELF CARE

NOTICE VS. INFLUENCE

ACTIVATION ENERGY

I NOTICE THAT THIS IS HAPPENING..…”RATHER THAN… “WHY IS THIS HAPPENING ?”…

FILTERS VS. BOUNDARIES

ECOSYSTEM – HEALTH IS AN ECOSYSTEM – EMOTIONAL/PHYSICAL ECOSYSTEM

ALLOW – A STATE OF 'ALLOWING’

MY 'YES’

NATURE METAPHORS APPLIED TO BODY/EMOTIONAL PROCESSES

GIVING THINGS TIME TO 'RIPEN’

FERMENTING, GERMINATING, BLOSSOMING, SEEDING, SEEDLING

HIBERNATION, ROOTING,

FREEZE, THAW, CHILL, BOIL

WIND, RAIN, GRAVITY, EARTHQUAKE, TIDES, SUN, HAIL, SNOW, FREEZING RAIN, MAGNETIC, LIGHTNING, DARKNESS, WAVES, FIRE, FLOODS, STORMS, DECOMPOSITION, REGENERATION, CLIMATE, POLLINATION, INSEMINATION, FREEZE/THAW, COOLING, WARMING, HEATING,

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Where shall I send your payments? :wink:

Your list is awesome. I’m allowing myself to pause today and it feels like YES, self care, me space.

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You’re ‘grandmothered’ in Jean…no cost for you…but don’t tell the others or they’ll expect it as well.

I’m having a Sesame Street Emotional Freedom Thriving Now day…

Today is brought to me by the word ‘allowing’…

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My word found me.

YES

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Oh! Such a sweet way to end my day with these messages. Thank you!

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Thank you my friend!!

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I had fun thanks to @Rick @Glenn

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I love this list, @Glenn - thank you!

And yes, it’s true, @Rick is definitely a treasure trove of these word-portals that can be embodied, that open up all kinds of new ways of Being, Feeling, Doing, Exploring…

I’m frequently grateful for his articulations of these word-portals, and love your naming them as such, @Glenn! Rich and powerful. :sparkles:

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I am conflicted with faith. Sort of an on again / off again thing. It seems I don’t have enough of good things happing - going well for me that I can sit back and totally allow things to come forth. And it’s not like I’m blinded or unconscious when it comes, but if I need something to go my way or a way that is beneficial, I kind of like crinkle like a piece of paper. I don’t notice it and it’s as if it never came and I don’t notice the alternative manifestation. And does anyone else other than me have an issue hearing old English? LOL

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My perspective… ALLOWING is one of the core essentials in emotional freedom and living a thriving life.

Awareness – We are aware of something.
Acceptance – We release resistance to being WITH the awareness, even if unwanted or something we really want to see shift.
Adapting – We explore choices, knowing we have more than one. Either/or and must-do’s are primitive brain limits – go back to Acceptance.
Acting – Ahhh, yes, we are to engage. Be in an effective state and act from that place.
Allowing – we let it ripen, evolve, come together, and our body to integrate, replenish, and ready.

For me, Faith is part of each and every one of these. Faith isn’t the miracle-WAITING that some people focus on, the allowing good things to happen. Honestly, I can’t think of much that is part of my thriving life that didn’t require all these, and Faithful Allowing would not have been… sufficient.

How does that feel to you?

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Actually, everything you said is perfect. When I sat with your words, I felt truth. It came to me that even when I just slow down my life just a little, it’s not enough slowness. I feel that it is essential for me to live so thoughtfully and deeply in the moment where I will never feel lack by just being present. Yet somehow life just does not slow down enough for me to be all I am. To feel all I can. Does that make sense to you Rick? It’s almost as if there’s just way too much to do in my life that snippet of present-ness cannot evolve. And i’m realizing this now that my daughter & her husband have finally moved out and into their own apartment. I was sort of flailing around in my days, but now I am back going into the office. Everyone was glad, but traveling does take a lot out of my life.

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As an afterthought…something just occurred to me. For some time now I’ve been working on financial abundance. At one time I could think about it and there would be some sort of hesitation in my feelings, maybe even pushing it away or perhaps of not allowing to receive it. And after I finished replying to your comments below in my prior email, I went about my night and got a few things done. then it kind of hit me, that I must be allowing for financial abundance because I inherently feel that I can accept financial abundance, wherever it may come and from many sources, if possible. it was actually a very freeing feeling. The first realization on that topic for many years. Perhaps allowing my fears and pushing money away, that I am feeling that it’s okay to have more, to allow more and to welcome more money to me. It’s good, it’s alright, it’s perfect.

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