Oh ye of little faith…
When I hear that in my head, there’s a bit of a spiritual “accusation” to it. Like, how could I not have faith when so much has been guided and provided in times of need and times of plenty?
Backstory: We rent. It’s a lovely home. Magical in how it came to be the home for our new life together.
Renting has provided a lot of Freedom. I’ve lived three places since moving to Asheville, and by not owning it has been FAR FAR easier to adapt to each new change in life and lifestyle without expenses of selling real estate. @Jem and I agree that there is a lot that fits our orientation towards freedom when it comes to renting the right place at the right time.
We also have 2 more years on our lease here.
So… with my history of always being blessed with a suitable nest in my life, having 2 more years here… what contributes to my anxiety about “having a home” in the future?
- Trauma. It was really hard to hear so so so many times how diminished my mother felt not being “able” to buy her own home growing up. Even after tapping today, this still feels like a 6. More to do there.
(Side note: my mother now owns two homes, and keeps renovating any home she owns almost the entire time she lives in them. So yeah, she gets a lot of pleasure out of construction projects on her own properties – something renters don’t get.)
- I think I have tried to “push” my “faith” up too high.
This morning in meditation I saw my faith about future housing for us. If my faith slipped below an 8, I’d feel anxious. With some confidencing, restored to an 8 I felt ease in my body-mind.
Ahhh… but if I tried to be Perfect 10 in Faith that it would “all work out” – so much strain.
I can’t say I am totally clear about what is in the gap between an 8 and some mythological perfect faith.
Some is the awareness that shit happens. And that’s okay. I’ve got enough resilience, as does my partner, to go with whatever arises.
As I write that, there’s a quality of expect a miracle and also be ready to shovel.
I won’t be shoveling alone. Spirit and the cooperative energies of Source and loved ones are there, too. Shoveling might not even be necessary! Most often, it isn’t. That said, every change in home/nest has involved both miracle and shoveling. The Faithful 8 is feeling like it allows me to settle any forward-feeling-anxiety and the gap keeps we feeling prepared and resilient.
How does “faith” fit in your world? Does this exploration evoke any notions about being Calm and Confident about the future for you, too?