Real Skills Workshop - Community Event
Feeling Isolated… Yet Surprisingly Calm and Confident
Real Skills Workshop: Be Calm and Confident
Hosts: Rick Wilkes (@Rick) and Cathy Vartuli (@Cathy)
Recorded Sun Dec 12, 2021
Session Recording is below
We’re Not Designed to Feel Isolated
Our primitive brain reacts to isolation with high alert. Humans are pack animals. To be isolated means we’re without protection from our tribe. NOT GOOD.
Yet, our modern culture has made it “possible” to be isolated without being eaten. We can even have food delivered and not have to leave our burrow!
That doesn’t necessarily shift the anxious and depressed feelings that can arise when we’re feeling isolated.
For that we need some real skills. We can apply conscious action to calming our anxiety and boosting our energy and confidence.
Yeah, I wish that would happen auto-magically. Doesn’t for me. It takes a moment or ten of EFT Tapping and tuning to another state of being. We’ll be practicing those skills together in this next Real Skills Workshop. We hope you’ll join us! 
Please, if you can support the workshop with a payment of $7.11+ – it matters (this is our family business). Thank you!
If you can’t… by all means still join us for free, as our holiday gift.
Let’s soothe the pain and feel more at ease… together.
P.S. Adira says, “Sometimes I feel like I am isolated in a drawer all by myself… You?”
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Feeling Isolated? Connect to Self… then…
We used to have more rituals to connect us. Hunting and gathering together and sharing a harvest with celebration and dance… connects us.
Having groceries delivered isn’t the same.
When I feel into what my primitive brain craves for connection, so much of it is physical. Physical closeness. Co-effort for mutual benefit. And these days tending to the children together.
You might think it weird that I could feel “isolated” if it is just me and Adira. But when she’s shrieking from teething pain, and Mom’s at work, DANG! Feels really “unnatural” not to have Aunt Cathy around, or other parents tending their children, or her big brothers and sister, or a grandparent or two!
I’m not “alone.” I just feel… isolated. Does that make sense?
It’s at those moments when what has helped is to connect to myself first.
How we each do that is a skill for us to discover. For me, I put my hand on my heart… or the back of my head and pelvis. I follow the breath in and out. Feel for my heartbeat.
This works for me because if I am in a place where I can tend to my own body, it sends a signal “this is okay” to my primitive brain. It does not like isolation! It welcomes SOLITUDE at times, for sure. Just not… isolation. Soothing it is a real skill, core to feeling calm and confident.
Once I feel less painfully isolated, I can better feel spiritual connections and presence. I am once again able to know I am part of a community of hearts even if they are not physically present in the ways I crave at those moments. It’s a skill for thriving.
We’ll be exploring these skills together on Sunday. We hope you’ll join us!
Please, if you can support the workshop with a payment of $7.11+ – it matters (this is our family business). Thank you!
If you can’t… by all means still join us for free, as our holiday gift.
Let’s develop these connection skills… together.
Rick & Cathy
Your Emotional Freedom Coaches
P.S. Adira says, “When I find myself all strapped in and unsure, there is this feeling that I really NEED to know I am not going to be isolated and all alone… It’s a tender moment!”
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Feeling Isolated… Yet Surprisingly Calm and Confident - Session Recording
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Feeling Isolated… Yet Surprisingly Calm and Confident
[00:00:00] Welcome TIF feeling isolated yet, surprisingly calm and confident, which seemed like such a contradiction. And that’s why we’re calling it a real skill workshop because to have our primitive brain say, ah, I’m isolated and yet be able to calm ourselves and confidence ourselves so that our state of being can hold both or even start shifting over to a place where yes, and I’m feeling okay.
[00:00:42] And even, um, we’re going to touch on ways that we can take, go from feeling. Ah, to have isolation to a place of okay. To maybe even being able to feel the connection that, that we, we have experienced, even when profoundly isolated at times. I’m Rick from thriving. Now I’m here. Co-creating with Kathy.
[00:01:13] Bartoli from the intimacy dojo and driving now, Kathy, thank you for being here. Thanks for inviting me. I think this topic is so important. All of us. Oh yeah. I can read it back over and then I have a little shadow, but you get one or the other right now. Um, because of the way the sun shining and stuff. Um, yeah, I think this is so important.
[00:01:36] Honestly, no matter how careful we are or how close we are with people, there’s going to be times when we feel alone and our survival brain does not like that. It, it, associates we’ve evolved when we were alone, we are much more likely to get eaten by hyenas or lions or falling a crevice and no one ever found us again.
[00:01:55] And so our survival brains, like no alone is bad alone is scary. And yet some of the most profound insights I’ve had and the most, um, I dunno, fulfilling moments I’ve had, I’ve been when I’ve been calmly alone in solitude. Um, so I think that there’s a balance. Can we help our survival brain realize where we’re actually quite safe or safer than we realize?
[00:02:21] And can we. Um, mine, the experience I like to, you know, we bad things, you know, things that are not pleasant happen. Can we go into the experience and take the gold out of it and really help our lives be much more rich and fulfilling as we go forward from our insights.
[00:02:41] The thriving now community includes thousands of people. And many, many of them, honestly, I know, are pretty hunkered down. Like the last two years, you know, two weeks to flatten the curve is become two years plus to two that have really impacted sensitive folk like myself. Um, and you know, I, I first want to acknowledge that if you’re here live or listening to the replay, um, really appreciate you and your courage and your willingness to explore this.
[00:03:22] I believe that as people emerge from wherever they are hunkered down, um, coping that. The work that we’re going to do today in this workshop, um, we’re recording it so that wherever someone is in their journey, if, if this appeals to them in the future, that they’ll have access to it, I believe that we’re storing up things for, um, for our future cells and our future community in doing this work.
[00:03:56] Um, so just wanted to acknowledge that there are a lot of folks out there that can’t even look at this it’s just too, too much. We intentionally did. Um, army Cron is going back up just for the numbers are looking nice. Now they’re going this way. I’m not sure what that means yet, but we’re also going into the holidays.
[00:04:18] On both years when I was going to spend time with my family who I love dearly, but I’m really like, I was like a kitten raised in a family of ducks. Um, and years when I didn’t have people to hang out with the isolation felt much more intense when we have a society going on about how we’re supposed to be all around the kitchen table, making cookies and laughing and loving each other and not, you know, arguing about who should be president or, you know, like you’re, we’re supposed to have this, we have this picture that we’re constantly fed.
[00:04:51] This media, ideal of Christmas and holiday or whatever holiday you celebrate. There’s a lot of holidays around here, Hanukkah Kwanzaa. It just, I think there’s a lot of social pressure. And I know that around these times is sometimes it’s the most isolated that I feel is even, even when I’m dealing with people, it’s, you know, that feeling of, oh, I’m not doing this right.
[00:05:15] Society looks, society says it should look different and I’m not even close. So obviously it’s a, it’s, there’s something wrong. And in fact, my birthday and Christmas are near each other. So I will purposely, I make two piles of presents. Like everyone I’ve been sending presents, who’s opening them right away.
[00:05:32] And like, oh, this is so fun. I’m like, I got your present, but it’s, it’s in the birthday pile or the Christmas pile. And so on that day, I’ll have something to open because for me to wake up and have no, like the presence already opened, it just, I feel very alone sometimes. So it’s things we can discover about ourselves and how to nurture ourselves through these.
[00:05:52] So you reflected a thought that I know is part of this, um, this dynamic of isolation I must be doing, uh, it must not be doing something right. Um, but those of you that have, uh, that have been doing the sport for a while, you’ve probably heard us talk about the primitive brain, but I just want to briefly mention something about it.
[00:06:15] Um, we have different layers in our brain, um, and. One of those layers that gets first crack, very knee jerk reaction. So like, if somebody actually like strikes your knee in the right place and your leg kicks out, that’s a knee jerk reaction, the actual one, but everything, but everything else. Yeah. You can’t, it’s actually loops through your spine and back to your knee.
[00:06:48] Well, we have sensors for things like suddenly feeling isolated and isolated does not mean only you’re by yourself. So like, um, you can be, uh, a story that I remember is that, um, Uh, you know, one of my heart adopted boy, um, he has such a need to not be isolated, that if you wanted him to follow you, all you had to do is just start moving away.
[00:07:22] So like his sensor, even if he was like really wanting to tear all the cans off the shelf in the grocery store, if you took a few steps away from him, his primitive brain would pick it up and start following when he was young. And that is to me, a testimony that this child was born with sensors related to isolation, which is still true, that he can sense when people are moving away from him without even necessarily being like visually or auditorily aware.
[00:07:54] Isn’t that interesting. And if, and if he does, and I started looking at that, I said, you know, I do too, like, um,
[00:08:06] The primitive brain has sensors. A lot of times we’ve talked about, you know, people have talked about extra sensory perceptions. A lot of those are in the gut, in your skin, the vibrational sensors that are like that can pick up things that are happening. Um, and so your primitive brain was designed to keep you in connection and to keep you connected to people that are on your side.
[00:08:36] That are part of your tribe. And so if you’re amongst strangers, that kind of stranger danger kind of feeling can kick it off. Um, if suddenly the people in your home start feeling like strangers, and they’re like, they’re moving away from you guess what? That same part of you top of the top of the neck, um, protected, uh, underneath the bony prominence of your occiput.
[00:09:07] Um, that’s where it is in the physical brain, but it extends throughout every part of you. So when we talk about perimeter brain, we’re talking about that gut feeling the intuition and just like the strike of the knee, when these feelings. Hit press the button trigger. Um, it can make us feel like, oh, and that can happen.
[00:09:37] Just all of a sudden you’re you’re making tea and all of a sudden it strikes you. I feel I’m feeling isolated now, Kathy and us in the community, we use a tool called EFT, tapping it taps on Meridian points. These are also used in, um, acupuncture and acupressure. These are natural comfort points. Um, Known for thousands of years, the primitive brain is a hundred thousand years or more.
[00:10:07] You can trace it all the way back to our, you know, the lizard brain, the monkey, mind, and other parts. Um, but these natural comfort points have been known for a long time. And we use them in a way of gently tapping on them when we’re activated. And then we’re in a reaction, um, this case. Often offer really surprising help.
[00:10:31] If you’re not familiar with the Ft tapping, we have a free guide@thrivingnow.com slash tapping. Um, our chat is open and also if you’re watching the replay, there’s a place to reply, um, or. Please feel free. Um, Kathy and I ma um, pay attention as to other members of our community. And so as we go forward, we welcome your ahas, your wisdom.
[00:10:57] We believe in shared wisdom. Um, this is taking things that we’ve experienced and heard and worked with other clients. Um, and we want to have an opportunity to, to circulate this approach, um, in our community develop more skill. Yeah. And I just please acknowledge yourself if you’re here. This is a really tough topic in a really tough several years, around a tough time of the year.
[00:11:27] The fact that you’re here trying to learn skills around this, or just even getting a conscious understanding of what’s happening will give you power going forward for the rest of your life. Yeah. Just even getting what our conscious brain understands what’s happening. We’re not at the whim of, like, I know that sometimes I’ll get triggered about something and I’ll just be like, I’m like, what’s happening.
[00:11:47] Why am I reacting this way? I’m going like, what’s what is this? And as soon as my brain goes, oh, I feel alone. I think the high Indians or hyenas are going to get me, even though I’m in my very safe home with enough food in the cupboard for several months. Like, um, it’s, I don’t need to panic, but my conscious brain has to know what’s happening to kind of help steer the survival brain.
[00:12:10] So the work you’re doing here, the conscious thoughts you’re getting and the tapping we’re going to do, we’ll give you that, that leverage in the future to be able to take care of yourself. Hmm. And that’s very powerful. So let’s do, we’ll start with some tapping around what Kathy had brought up like, oh, I’m having this reaction.
[00:12:30] And our other parts of our mind go, oh, I must not be doing this. Right. Whatever this is, if you find yourself isolated, you must not be doing it. Right. How true does that feel to you? Like, to me, that weirdly has this, like, yeah, I must not be doing it right. If I’m isolated, I must not be doing it. Right.
[00:12:56] That’s like an eight. Um, so it, you can say it, you can kind of try it on yourself. If you remember a feeling of being isolated, whether it’s really alive in you right now or not. Um, what’s your reaction? Is it that I must not be doing this right? How true does it feel? We can use a scale zero to 10. Um, 10 is like, oh, that feels really true.
[00:13:24] One or two. It’s like, yeah, no, that’s not really it for me. You can still tap along, um, and solidify that now I’m not actually doing something wrong. Would you like to lead us 10? Yeah. Thank you. In the chat. I’d be glad to, and I want, I want to just point out that this there’s two things. Probably there could be many things happening, but there’s two things for sure.
[00:13:49] Happening. Our survival brain is trying to give us guidance to what we need. We do need connection with other humans to be living a fulfilling life in general, unless we’re a very odd person, like someone who wants to be in a solitary monk. Great. Please do that. I would be miserable. So there’s, there’s actual, we’re safer and more fulfilled.
[00:14:11] Are guided towards that connection. And so there there’s the survival brain part and there’s also our society that kind of is like, you should feel good all the time. We should be working real hard. You should never feel down. If you feel sad, there’s something wrong. So there’s two, you know, there’s two things going on.
[00:14:28] Survival brain, great to pay attention, to calm down society, media pressure. It’s okay to say, you know what? That’s not true. Humans feel sad. Sometimes I’m not feeling if I feel sad. So I just like to invite you to get, if you want to get in your body, if that feels good for you, let yourself notice that your chair is what’s supporting your butt.
[00:14:49] Your feet are on the floor and just wiggle your toes. Let yourselves kind of sink in your body a little bit. If that feels okay and take a gentle breath. And even if you don’t want to be in your body right now, it’s okay. Just notice that. Just be with the resistance to that, and don’t try to force it credibly.
[00:15:10] Even though there’s something wrong. There must be something wrong. I should not feel this way. I should not feel this way. They tell me that they told me that whenever I watch the hallmark channel, whenever I watched the hallmark channel, they always are in love. They’re always in love and surrounded by people who are that’s right.
[00:15:35] They’re surrounded with people and get them. Yeah. They’re not isolated. And I think there’s something wrong with me and I’m convinced there’s something wrong with me. If I’m not connected, if I’m not connected top of that, I don’t want there to be something wrong with me. I don’t want there to be something wrong with me.
[00:15:56] I row, how can I fix this? How can I fix this side of the eye? I’ve been trying to figure out how to fit in some stuff. I’ve been trying to figure out how to fit in. Since I was little, I knew the I, what if I just accepted? I am me. What if I just accepted? I am me under the nose and I can be there for me and I can be there for me.
[00:16:19] And there’s over 7 billion people in the world and there’s over 7 billion people in the world. How they’re going. There are some of them going to like who I am and some of them are going to like who I am and you know, what, if there isn’t anything wrong with me? What if there isn’t anything wrong with me right now?
[00:16:37] Top of that, it’s just a feeling is definitely a feeling. And it’s giving me direction on how to move and it’s giving me direction and how to move maybe and take a deep breath. I think sometimes we interpret it differently than it might mean, but often it’s like, um, I think. One of the ways where can I talk about connection is it’s kind of a nutrient, so humans, we like it for survival.
[00:17:04] Like those primitive brains, like, oh, must have protection against hyenas. When I hear a noise in the back of the backyard and I’m a little home alone, I’m like, oh crap. Um, that’s one reason I had a cat for a long time, but it’s also a nutrient. Like I think most of us feel more fulfilled when there’s some connection.
[00:17:21] So if I’m low on vitamin C, I want my body to say there’s something wrong. If I’m low on connection, if I’m not getting those gentle, fulfilling moments from, with other people, okay, how can I get some of that nutrient? How can I can get some of that? Like whether it’s, you know, zooming with somebody or, and maybe I won’t get the dose, the full dose and the form I would like right now because of COVID, or maybe I’m far away from people, but there are ways I can start getting a little more vitamin C for connection.
[00:17:50] I can chat with my neighbor across the fence or meet with some friends for coffee or whatever. Yeah. I’d like to go back directly to the iron. I’m not doing this right. That feeling. Cause it moved a little with your tapping, but I’d like to go. So when you feel isolated, where do you feel it in your body?
[00:18:14] Um, if, you know, sometimes people sort of check out for me. I get this kind of, um, tension across, up in here. My breathing gets shallow like, oh, there’s an kind of noise in my head. Um, I like to tap on that. Um, even though I have this feeling of being isolated, I have this feeling of being isolated.
[00:18:48] And a part of me is convinced. And a part of me is convinced I’m not doing this right. I’m not doing this right. Ah, I’m open to being surprisingly calm and confident. Anyway, I am open to being surprisingly calm and confident. Anyway, even though this feeling really gets my attention. Now, this feeling really gets my attention and I’ve just tried to cope and I’m just trying to cope or distract myself or distract myself and not really feel it and not really feel it.
[00:19:25] I do feel that I do feel it and I’m inviting my body to be surprisingly calm and confident in RA I’m inviting my body to be surprisingly calm and confident. Okay. Up to the head. I’m not doing this right. I’m not doing this right. Am I, am I my eyebrow? Should I ever feel isolated? Should I ever feel isolated side of the eye?
[00:19:52] This feels scary. This feels scary on the back. Of course it feels scary. Of course it feels scary on the nose. My primitive brain is tens of thousands of years. Old. Primitive brain is tens of thousands of years old. It doesn’t understand zoom. It does not understand it. Doesn’t understand text messages. It doesn’t understand text messages on the arm.
[00:20:14] It doesn’t even understand spiritual connection. It doesn’t even understand the spiritual connection. If it needs to survive, it needs to survive. Ah,
[00:20:30] and I’m open to feeling a bit more calm and confident and I’m open to affiliate a bit more common. Eyebrow. What if I’m not doing anything wrong? What if I’m not doing anything wrong side of the eye? What if I’m not doing anything that is unsurvivable last? I’m not doing anything. That’s unsurvivable.
[00:20:52] What if right now I’m not doing anything that’s unsurvivable. What if right now I’m not doing anything. That’s on a survivable under the nose, the relief to part of me, that’s leave the part of me, chin. It doesn’t help my yearning. It doesn’t help but it’s definitely relief to the part of me that wants to survive.
[00:21:11] It’s definitely a relief to the part of me that wants to survive. I can have the yearning. I can have the yearning feeling all the threat without feeling all the thread without feeling like I must not be doing this right. Without feeling like I must not be doing this right. Primal feeling that primal feeling.
[00:21:36] That was a little shakeout authentically. Um, the primitive brain, as it starts releasing, you may, you may feel your body do a little. Something. Um, at first, when I was doing tapping, I, I didn’t do that. I was still pretty suppressed about like letting my body do something weird on camera, but now for the, you know, it’s, I understand that my primitive brain holds attention.
[00:22:07] It wants to know it wants to be sued. So this is, this is something that, um, is, it is a core feature of the B called. Part of it. Our primitive brain will trigger over situations. Alerts changes in energy. Um, it could be that it picks up some energy passing up a mile away or on your Twitter feed or something like that.
[00:22:42] And it goes isolated. And what it wants to know is that we’re not doing anything that is actually a threat to our, our immediate survival. That’s the primal imperative, immediate survival. Okay. Now we can have a yearning for more connection. We can have a yearning that I, that maybe we’re closer to the people that we’re sharing a space with them, we actually feel but immediate threat to our survival.
[00:23:09] Um, once we actively. Calm that you can find that you can go from it taking 30 minutes for you to calm down from that feeling to it calming actually quickly perceiving and you know, three to seven seconds. I’m serious. It’s like you can get sadly enough with the calm down of the immediate threat to your survival, that you don’t impact yourself for hours, days, weeks, months after one of the most powerful things I’ve found around that is to help identify the timeline.
[00:23:48] What is the timestamp on the Molinas to isolation? And I think someone shared that. Isolation and loneliness are the Venn diagram. Graham a lot. We can feel isolated emotionally, physically in different ways, and that loneliness comes up. But if we had experiences, when we were a small child, um, often there are traumas little kids trying to figure out the world.
[00:24:12] There are facing a lot of things. They like, uh, Dera Rick’s child has an amazing is the most, best parents ever. I want to just be adopted. Um, but I know that there’s times she’s confused or uncertain and it’s, she knows this is more than her little self could figure out, so that can be traumatic. And we can get echoes of that now with back then.
[00:24:34] So if I can timestamp it and separately, Oh, I am feeling a little bit of loneliness right now. I’m feeling a little bit isolated right now. And it’s reminding me of all those times that I haven’t fully resolved when I was younger. If I can separate those two and discern the two, I can go, oh, there’s this much to handle here.
[00:24:53] And I can take action. There’s healing to do their comfort to give back there. But they’re when they’re in the same soup pot, so to speak, it can just feel, oh my God, I don’t even know where to start. And it’s just cause they’re all tangled together. I think
[00:25:11] even though they can be really tied together, even though they can be really tied together and they were in my childhood and they were in my childhood, I do want to address that sense of immediate threat. I do want to address that sense of immediate threat of threat of isolation, that threat of isolation.
[00:25:34] And to calm that and to comment
[00:25:40] being isolated as a. Being isolated is a threat, eyebrow being lonely socks, being lonely sex, being isolated is a threat. Being isolated is a threat under the eye. They use that in prison, but he’s then Brisbane punished. It’s considered torture. It’s considered torture chin, and I want to be able to calm that threat.
[00:26:08] And I want to be able to calm that threat all alone. It would be really useful. It would be really useful arm. I have a yearning for connection. I have a yearning for connection. That’s not mad. I feel long way. That’s not mad. I feel lonely and lonely socks and lowly socks pop their head, but that’s not an immediate threat to my survival.
[00:26:34] That’s not an immediate threat to my surmise. Trying not on. And that’s part of our acknowledgement with the title is feeling isolated yet, surprisingly calm and confident. Um, and I’m not trying to shift lonely to like being peacefully and solitude. You can do that. You can, you can, if, if that’s like, you know, I am feeling lonely, I want connection right now.
[00:27:04] It totally sucks that I don’t have it. And I have solitude. I’m not actually isolated in the sense that my immediate welfare is threatened. And so I can calm that part of me, the part of me that’s like, ah, are we isolated? Because we’re feeling pretty intensely something. And it can be that like, yeah, back then it was isolation.
[00:27:30] And in this story. Um, so, um, I think it was this morning. It might’ve been yesterday. Um, uh, dearest, suddenly had a need for her mother. Now I was right there with her. I was fully present. She doesn’t speak out mama, but she has a certain look. She was feeling her primitive brain was so struck by the isolation from her mother that when she cried, not only was her face, just like in the, in this horrible torture, but there was silence.
[00:28:10] She was, she was so intensely feeling isolated that she couldn’t actually make a noise, silent scream, tap, tap, tap. Dad starts to cry because mom’s not in the building now, now that is isolation to me. That’s what it felt like. It’s isolation from that, which you really feel desperately in need for, and she’s.
[00:28:43] And it was, it was triggered by something, some sensation who knows it could have been a, uh, too thick. It could have been a Pang of hunger. It could have been our heart just like I haven’t touched base. Um, and if, if we coped with that, I’m tapping while I’m talking about this. Cause you know, I have memory in my body of times when I had that.
[00:29:07] And, um, the, the connection wasn’t available. Yeah. It could be as an adult to like that particular longing you have for that particular person. And once it hits that the, this is unnatural. So the primitive brain has a definition of what is natural. Um, We, we aren’t spread out 3000 miles away. Like super aunt Cathy would not be 3000 miles away on FaceTime.
[00:29:41] Like just that would never happen. We would, we would be together. And the centers that two dimensional beam never met in person. So, um, I’m hopeful that like, I can feel my body going, Ooh. Oh, interesting. Cause we’re touching on aspects of this very primal feeling. And I believe that that tapping when we bring awareness to this type of thing and we use tapping with it that, um, we, we change our pathway.
[00:30:18] We give them. Um, the primal impulse can pass through and be recognized. And, and that’s where we do work this way too. Not only does our primitive brain have a knee-jerk reaction, but it also passes it on. And if there’s better information, it’s like, oh, this is not an immediate threat. Um, well I think that you were talking about natural and that really struck me.
[00:30:46] Someone shared that being in an elevator brings up the sense of isolation, if there’s nobody on with them. And even if there’s a stranger, it feels safer. And I think we’re not like we, our primitive brain did not evolve in a place where it gets sealed into small steel containers and get driven up and down thousands of feet.
[00:31:05] Like our brain is like, this doesn’t seem like a good,
[00:31:12] um, so like that it’s not there’s some, anytime I do something that’s new. Like my survival brain thinks it’s not safe. I want a buddy. I want someone like, okay, well, if I’m going to be stuck in this deal cage, at least there’s somebody else there. The panic was me.
[00:31:33] Robbie chop, even though there are things that are not natural, even though there are things that are not natural for my a hundred thousand year old primitive brain, a hundred thousand cells here, old primitive brain elevators, like elevators being stuck in traffic in second traffic, surrounded by strangers, surrounded by strangers, living alone, the loan.
[00:32:03] Yeah. It’s okay. It’s okay. I send a signal to my primitive brain. I send a signal to my primitive brain eyebrow. It’s actually okay. It’s actually, okay. We’ve evolved. We have evolved this. Isn’t an immediate survival threat. This is not an immediate survival threat, even if we’re stuck in the elevator. Even if we were stuck in the elevator, it’s not the same.
[00:32:34] It’s not the same. It’s actually okay. It’s actually okay. Here. What sucks to be stuck in the elevator and the elevator, but people will come people. Fuck.
[00:32:52] I have my cell phone too. Yeah. There’s a lot of things that. Familiar to my perimeter brain. Yeah. A lot of things that don’t work, that aren’t familiar to my permanent. And it will ask the question and it will ask the question eyebrow. I want to be good at giving the answer. I want to be good at giving the answer.
[00:33:13] Sorry to be. I bet it’s not an immediate trap. It’s not an immediate, we don’t have to activate that way. We don’t have to activate them. Who knows? We don’t have to be in terror. We don’t have to be in care. Jen, we don’t have to freeze. We don’t have to raise. Oh, that’s so nice. Nice.
[00:33:34] I’m allowing that relief to reach all the perimeter parts of me. I am allowing that relief to reach all the permanent parts of me.
[00:33:49] So when talking to our body, allowing inviting, these are words that researchers have found that I’m inviting every part of me or the primitive brain, part of me to feel that sense of relief that the okayness, or it would suck, but it’s okay. It’s kind of like if I went out hunting and I’m really, really hungry and no food comes home with me, that sucks, but we don’t die in if we don’t have food in a day, we don’t, you know, there are some people that must, that have particular conditions, but most of us are not.
[00:34:27] Um, there’s, the fear can be very intense, like a deer. I couldn’t go, it would be very hard on her body. She’s one year old to go without food for a day, she’d survive, but it would be hard. Like she doesn’t have the reserve. Some of us, you know, more and more stored or not. Like, I think for little kids, it’s terrifying because they don’t know, they don’t have the experience that people go away and then eventually they come maybe longer than we’d like, but usually somebody shows up or we can find a way to help ourselves.
[00:34:56] Um, so like a lot of us form that fear of isolation, very intensely. If we had caregivers that were overwhelmed or just like for a deer, a mama had to go see a client and that’s okay. She’s, you know, she’ll be back in a couple of hours, but that feels like forever when you’re one. Probably I know it feels like forever sometimes when I’m 53, like DOE not two hours.
[00:35:21] So, um, yes, uh, airplane fear, um, the fear of being cut off isolated, um, and there’s some messages in the chat about wanting this to be a permanent thing. I will tell you from my own experience that if. Whatever feelings of isolation and cutoff ness that are arising in other circumstances. And you use this, I have this feeling, this reaction and it’s okay.
[00:35:55] It’s not an immediate threat. This is an evolutionary upgrade. It’s okay. Me being alone in this house, even on a holiday it’s it’s actually, okay. It’s even, you know, my choice because I could leave, I’m not in solitary confinement. Um, I think looking for the country, where do we have control to our survival brain?
[00:36:19] Likes to have control on an airplane. I’m in an elevator. We don’t have control over much. Um, but like when I’m home alone, sometimes I’ll change the temperature. I have a Alexa, um, and I will sometimes change the temperature up and down just a degree just because it gives me a sense of. Oh, I’m, I’m reminding myself, I have control of the environment.
[00:36:43] Um, we can’t do that in a plane or an airplane, you know, but we could like, oh, I can ask for a glass of water. I can, um, eat some nuts. If that helps me, what can I, what do I have control over? Because when we’re on a plane or an elevator, it’s someone else the technology or whoever built it is kind of in control.
[00:36:59] We’re not, we’re not able to like, oh, I feel like stretching out here and moving to a different seat unless it’s really empty or changing the temperature flying in a different height. I that’s, it’s small control things. It’s a good trauma release is to look for little things, simple choices that we can do that we can control.
[00:37:20] Like what corner of the elevator do I want to stand in? Do I want to push all the buttons are just three of the buttons
[00:37:29] because it’s a primitive brain. If you give them. Words, like I spent six months, um, taking anything that made me anxious, isolated, whatever, and just including in the setup statement. And I’ve decided to be calm and confident in any way or it’s okay. I’m in the process of becoming calm and confident anyway.
[00:37:55] Yeah. Even though this scares me to the point that I’m, I’m almost shaking.
[00:38:03] Yeah. I’m open to being absurdly calm and confident right now, but it’s all around calm and confident. And guess what? That has conditioned. There’s a really nice super highway inside of me in my core energy, in my primitive brain and my reactions that if I tap my collarbone and it’s like calm and country, I have conditioned my, my system to respond that way.
[00:38:41] I did not go out and do the scariest thing. Um, I could possibly imagine I took the things that just came day by day by day. So like I walk into the barn and the horse I want to ride does this, that allow, you know, I’m like, I just stopped and tapped for like 10 minutes until I felt calm and confident. I didn’t ride the horse that day.
[00:39:05] He was being an asshole, but I, I, and instead of being in primitive brain at that point, taught myself in isolation. Like Kathy said, we’re entering a period of time. At least in the Northern hemisphere days are getting darker still till the 21st. Um, there’s a holiday season. A lot of us are not going to be connecting the same way still.
[00:39:33] Um, so when these feeling Ealing isolated, and we do something actively and look, most of them. Most humans. I know, feel isolated at times, even, even the most extroverted and connected people that have people around because it’s a primitive brain kind of awareness. And if we get the feeling we become aware of where it starts and, and even when it gets triggered and it’s intense, and we start doing something as part of the reaction, like tapping your collarbone and going, oh, feeling isolated, open to feeling calm and confident anyway, or as well.
[00:40:23] Um, this has made such a difference in my life. It’s helped me navigate times of, of loss and isolation and turn them into something that has been as we’re going to get to after, after the break. Um, The feeling of opportunity when we’re, when we’re in that place to actively get clarity, evolve, even exercise, some of our energetic and spiritual ghosts, the follow the longing is a compass because there are certain things often that we can have, the fears are survival.
[00:41:03] Brain wants to be in control. It wants certain things, but I do think there’s also guidance in it that there’s wisdom and intuition of like the certain way that that nutrition of connection would be good for us. And when we get really clear on it, it lets us short circuit, a path to that rather than having to wander around like eating a lot of different berries.
[00:41:23] Well, if we can follow that longing in, if we can tolerate being with that discomfort for a little bit to understand what is it particularly that I’m looking for. And then we can, we can start doing things to create that more in our life. And if we are blocked so that we have fears or things that block us, we’re really clear that there’s a goal we want to get to, and that lets us target the blocks much more clearly and get them out of our way.
[00:41:48] So we can start. We’re not just wandering around the planes, hoping we find something neat. We’re like, no, I really would like this kind of Berry. And I know that grows over there and I want to get rid of the fear of, of going across the Creek so I can get there to make a silly analogy. Um, I’d like to do, um, just checking the chat, um, the permanent, the permanent, um,
[00:42:18] So like if, if, if your childhood was filled with no bond had no bonding, no, no healthy attachment. Um, it really was a world of barren isolation. Uh, then what, what I’m drawn to is, is the same thing that I’m using for myself who didn’t have that. It’s like, this is not an immediate threat to my survival it’s and prove you’ve survived.
[00:42:48] And I believe that the yearning loneliness part may. It is the, is the more fruitful energy as a whole body to experience and the isolation. And again, I don’t know, uh, for anyone out there, um, it is, it is one of the most unnatural things. For example, there’s no time in human history until really my lifetime of the last decades where women have lived alone ever.
[00:43:25] So for example, it just wasn’t something that you did, you didn’t live like Kathy, you don’t have any roommates or, um, you’re not in a family complex. Men also lived with the all genders, lived with their families or in some kind of group. But it was, it was not as uncommon. And you don’t, and you see this in apes and you see this and lions and a lot of other man mammals.
[00:43:56] Um, I’m, I’m saying this from my experience that, um, for women that physically live in their own space, it has often been a really more challenging issue for their primitive brain than the men who live alone in their own space. That’s just been my experience over 20 years because, because male bachelors and others have often lived on their own, the acceptable, or there’s more role modeling for it.
[00:44:30] Maybe it’s mammalian. Like male apes can go off on their own. Um, they’re happy about it though. They they’re always, they want to meet, they want to be in. Yeah. Try to get back in. They’re kicked out. They don’t like it. Where were you? And I are not far apart on, on that. I just want to acknowledge that. Um, uh, it’s, it’s been, uh, it’s been, it is a challenge.
[00:44:59] I, I just want to say that women are just as capable and being, being unhappily, isolated as men. Thank you very much. Okay. Even though, even, even though all humans are capable of being unhappily, isolated, even though humans are capable of being unhappily, it doesn’t really matter about our gender. It doesn’t matter about agenda.
[00:45:18] It doesn’t even matter if we’re living with other humans. It doesn’t even matter for living with other humans. Ah, the isolation can feel really pervasive. The isolation can feel very pervasive. This isolation has felt really pervasive. This isolation has felt really pervasive. It’s a big deal for me. It’s a big deal.
[00:45:44] It’s a big deal for me. That’s a big deal for me. It’s a big deal for me. It’s a big deal for me. It’s a really big deal for me. It’s a really big deal for me. My primitive brain is really key to it. My permanent brain is really key to it, and I have a lot of yearning that’s on that too. And I have a lot of hearing in this unmet to
[00:46:07] be nice not to be triggered. It’d be nice not to be checkered. The yearning itself sucks itself. Sucks. The unmet yearning really sucks. Unmet Iranian, really sick, but I’m not doing something wrong. I’m doing something wrong. Can I just leave it into little? And I was teasing when I crossed my arms and said women, it was trying to be funny and was accurate.
[00:46:35] Okay. Um, can I just leave it? I bought the permanent thing because I think that that can get really stuck in our system. And if it feels okay to tap along, if you want to take care of yourself, if you just want to listen or tune out for a minute, if that’s too intense for you. But I think that, that we can kind of get kind of log jammed in it.
[00:46:53] And sometimes just being with the feeling of what is, can be powerful about releasing it. So karate chop, even though this feeling of isolation feels permanent. Even though this feeling of isolation feels permanent. It’s never going to change. It is never going to change. I’ve had it my entire life. I’ve had it my entire life, and I think it’s stuck in my system.
[00:47:16] And I think it stuck in my system. I really like something different. I would really like something different and I’m afraid I can’t have it. And I’m afraid I can’t have it. Top of the head, the permanence of this isolation, permanence of this isolation eyebrow, my nervous system is stuck in isolation load.
[00:47:37] My nervous system is stuck in isolation side of the eye. I really want something different. I really, and truly want something different, a different feeling under the eye. And it feels terrifying to try to reach for that. And it feels terrifying to try to reach for that. And then the nose, every time I’ve reached in the past, Every time I’ve reached in the past 10 I’ve ended up hurt.
[00:48:03] I’ve ended up hurt Columbine. So it feels safer to protect myself. It feels safer to protect myself under the arm and end up in permanent isolation and end up in permanent isolation. However that even though I love for connection, even though I long for connection, I’m pro what if I did it differently this time?
[00:48:23] What if I did it differently this time differently? I may not know what defend differently. May not know what differently is under the I, and I can follow my longing, like a compass. I can follow my longing, like a compass under the nose and discover new ways to connect with people and discover new ways to connect with people.
[00:48:45] Jen, I’m connecting differently with myself, right? This minute. I’m connecting differently with myself this minute collarbone by being with this fear that the isolation is primary. I being with this fear that the isolation is permanent. And then the truth is a deep way to connect the truth as a deep way to connect top of the head and my courage and admitting this is very powerful and my courage and admitting this was very powerful.
[00:49:12] It might open new doors. It might open your doors, just take a breath and notice that.
[00:49:20] And you know, if that is something that’s coming up for you just notice that it’s a fear. It’s a thought, it’s not that doesn’t make it real. When we keep trying the same things over and over again, sometimes we end up with the same thing we’ve always had and when we tap and clear the fears in our inner survival brain, Um, we don’t repeat the patterns.
[00:49:41] I had a cat eye rescue cat. There was so scared if I looked at her, she’d run into the wall head first. Like she would just panic and run into the wall and hurt herself. And it took a long time. But after a while, like I would walk through the room, like not looking at her, so she wouldn’t run into the wall, but after a while it was Chick-fil-A actually, which I didn’t know, it was a bad thing back in those days, but she would go, she would eat Chick-fil-A with me.
[00:50:04] And she became my buddy and she would cuddle with me. And like, there was a difference, but she had to get out of that knee-jerk reaction that, that neural pathway that said people are scared and running, you know, just run wherever you can, which honestly, I’ve lived a lot of my life that way, where I was just trying to get away from people because they were so scary.
[00:50:24] And if you look at the people that are here, whether you’re watching now or later, there’s a lot of warm, smiling, faces and people that aren’t scary that we don’t have to run into walls to get away from. So maybe it’s about discerning, which people are safe to connect with and how we want to connect rather than, oh, I’m really bad at this.
[00:50:45] Maybe I was with a bunch of people that weren’t going to get connected early when I was young either. So I never learned how to do it really well. I don’t know if that it just, I, I want people to not run into walls when they see people they want to connect with, we’re going to pause the recording here and take a seven minute break to the top of the hour.
[00:51:06] If you’re on listening to the recording, we invite you to as well, um, to tend to yourself, to allow your state of being, to be recognized and anything that your body’s asking for. Um, anything that you may want to write down, reflect on for a moment. And, um, we’ll be back. Yeah, I’ll be monitoring the chat.
[00:51:29] We’ll come back.
[00:51:35] Ah, it’s a really, this is an intense topic and I just, yeah. Thank you for being here and being willing to dive into this. I think it important to acknowledge that this is not a simple, simple thing to jump into. Um, our, our primitive brain can go off and try to explain, um, the feeling, what it goes with.
[00:52:08] I’m not doing this right or else I wouldn’t be isolated, excommunication being cast out of the tribe. The tribe was, uh, was a really big deal. Um, it happened very rarely, uh, as far as I’ve ever read in, um, indigenous cultures. Um, and so, you know, to, to be isolated, we can look at like, what are the primal things while I’m, uh, I’m of no status?
[00:52:43] Um, that’s where we get this feeling like I’m not good enough or I’m worthless to me that is, can be a logical, um, explanation for something that’s a primitive feeling, um, while I’m sick. And so they’re really like, I’m, I’m not an equal member of the tribe, um, that there’s, I fallen, fallen below. The bottom rung of who you have to be to be, uh, a member of the tribe.
[00:53:17] Um, and we could spend a lot of times talking about the cultural, um, catastrophe that has put so many of us who have various things, um, that leave us feeling isolated. Um, and, but chronic illnesses, one of them. And so I I’d like to at least do a round or two on, on that. Um, when I was chronically ill, I fell into that feeling like I was less than the healthy people around me.
[00:53:53] And so I, I, I believe that one of the reasons why I was dying was that I no longer felt like I was connected, even though there were people around me, um, that loved me that were even doing some things for me, that feeling of isolation, I wish I had had this time together with, with you all where I could like, oh, the isolation feeling.
[00:54:18] Um, maybe I can shift that even though I’ve got, um, and if it’s not true for you, you can say something else that might be true or refer to other people that have chronic illness and pain. Even though I have chronic illness and pain, I have chronic illness and pain, and that really triggers feelings of isolation.
[00:54:43] And that really triggers feelings of isolation. And I have tried to figure it out and I’ve tried to figure it out
[00:54:55] and I’m open to calming myself. I am open to calming myself. I’m not the same as someone who’s perfectly healthy. I’m not the same as someone who’s perfectly healthy. Who’s perfectly healthy. Who is perfect. Do I know anyone? Who’s perfectly healthy? One is perfectly healthy. I know a lot of people protect and be perfectly.
[00:55:16] Top of the head. I feel isolated by my illness. I feel isolated by my illness, eyebrow, and it is isolating and it is isolating. I would do more things. If I wasn’t ill, I would do more things. If I wasn’t hungry, I would do more things. If I wasn’t in pain, I would do more things. If I wasn’t in pain, I would connect more.
[00:55:35] If I wasn’t scared, I would connect more. If I wasn’t scared, I’m open to feeling less disconnected. I’m open to feeling less disconnected. Hold on. What if there’s more going on here that I could tap into? What if there’s more going on here that I could tap into?
[00:55:56] What, what do I value about myself? What do I value about myself? That is part of my connection to him. It is part of my connection to you in any.
[00:56:13] I think that too, when I’m in pain, like I had a rough night last night, so my body’s a little achy. I noticed I don’t let in. And this is not to blame people that feel isolated in any way, but it’s just an invitation. Sometimes I don’t let in the gentle nourishment as well as I, like, I love my coffee and the warmth of it.
[00:56:31] And I noticed today, it was harder for me to let it in because I was feeling a little tired and achy and just a little off as opposed to like, oh, am I, am I letting my body be fulfilled by the things that do bring me pleasure, even if I’m not feeling great today, like, oh, this coffee is warm. I’m here with people.
[00:56:49] I love, I have a, I have a electric blanket that I put over my legs when I sit at my desk for awhile. I think that sometimes I I’m curious about you, but like when I’m in pain or if you don’t feel well, I kind of close in and kind of put a little shell around myself and to protect myself, but then I’m not also letting in the, the nurturing the things that could help me feel a little more fulfilled and connected.
[00:57:13] So just something, when you were doing that happy, then I noticed,
[00:57:20] would you like to lead a tapping on being open, more open within the isolation feeling, being a good segue into the longing, following the long game? Yeah. Karate chop, even though sometimes it’s hard to open up, even though sometimes it’s hard, really hard to open up, especially if I’m hurting emotionally or physically, especially if I’m hurting emotionally or physically.
[00:57:46] I don’t want to let the nice things in. I don’t want to let the nice things in because I feel all curled up in protective. Because I feel protective that I really long for those really long for that those comforts, I let in a little bit more comfort and I let in a little more comfort, even 3% more would be lovely.
[00:58:14] Even 3% more would be lovely, actually I, or 1% or 1% under the nose. Can I let my survival brain know I’m safe enough to let in a little of the comfort around me? Am I safe enough to, to know that let my primitive brain now try again, foster and I let my, my survival brain know at safe to let in a little bit of the comfort and I let my survival brain.
[00:58:39] Now that it’s say to let him some to comfort, Jen, just a little trick, just a little trick collarbone. Maybe that’s too scary. And maybe that can be too scary. Under the arm I’m doing the best I can right now, I’m doing the best I can. Right now I can just notice the resistance. I can just notice the resistant in a little bit more if that works and a little bit more about work.
[00:59:11] So just take a deep breath and sometimes just being with the resistance, like when we’re pretending we want to let it in and we’re just kind of ignoring it. Um, I think that’s hard to shift it, but sometimes just being with resistance and not trying to shift it, just like, no, I’m not going to do this. All of a sudden that kind of processes through the energy processes through.
[00:59:34] And sometimes we can let more in at that point. So even if you can’t just be, just notice what you’re feeling and notice that your body is trying to keep you safe, it doesn’t feel safe about letting new energies in right now. That’s okay.
[00:59:54] Pardon me, you looked like you were thinking, so I didn’t want to interrupt you, but yeah, I’m feeling like, um, so when I was, when I was healing, um, there was a shift that happened particularly related to isolation. So when I was in a lot of pain and curled up in pain, um, there was a feeling of isolation and.
[01:00:31] The way that my I’m going to articulate this may not have been exactly how it happened, just say, but I had such a strong yearning in my heart for someone strong enough to just let me rest my head in their lap
[01:00:54] and the.
[01:00:58] And I, I, I can remember where I was and that sense that yes, there, there is. And I had quieted the isolation down enough through meditating, following my breath, just following my breath in and out, I set the isolation was like at a 10 trillion. I calmed it down to the point where I wasn’t. Um, I was aware of my breath was doing my meditation practice and the yearning was, I need someone to let me rest my head in their lap.
[01:01:36] And I felt it. So the yearning led me to a sensation in my body, which as far as I, I don’t have any recollection of, um,
[01:01:53] of it happening in my physical world. Like really, as an adult resting your head in someone’s someone’s lap, um, there’s something very intimate and healing about that for me. And, um,
[01:02:16] I’ve noticed in my life that if I follow the yearning and I am open to the idea that it can be met without it being a physical, like flesh and blood person to be the first to kind of be the breakthrough that it has. Pierce the sense of isolation,
[01:02:39] um, that goes with some, a buddy to talk to, you know, before Kathy showed up in my life, I didn’t have a buddy that I talked to every day ever. Um, and I still have a strong yearning. And so I I’ve, it’s very intimate for me to share that in the non-physical space, in the connection space, that I’m aware that there are.
[01:03:16] There’s a lot more resource available than I ever was taught or felt growing up. Um, and it doesn’t always have to take the form that was part of your spiritual upbringing or education. And for me, it didn’t, and hasn’t, uh, all the time. Um, and so
[01:03:43] it’s like before I really wanted to do tapping with people. I was doing tapping on my own. I felt very isolated in it. I didn’t have anyone to tap with. And after meditating, I imagined like, what I really yearned for is someone just to tap with that, that it would help both of us and people I’ve shared this story before.
[01:04:08] I felt person after person, after person, after person from some, some dimension, some place on earth, it felt like some times both, um, would, uh, would be present. And in that I believe that one of the reasons spirituality has been a huge part of human experiences is that feeling energetically, isolated is also a really difficult thing for.
[01:04:43] Our core to feel isolated, energetically, um, as a parent of two adult children, there’s an energetic connection. If I start feeling isolated from them, mother call is not to just pick up the phone that rarely works. Um, the call is to energetically, like, ah, there’s a love between us that it doesn’t depend on physical proximity that does not actually address the yearning to actually be face-to-face with demand, Rebecca, but it does address the sense of isolation from yeah, well, no, I think it’s so important because I, I have this experience.
[01:05:32] I’m pointing fingers at my myself, but I also have clients that I’ve talked about where there’s like, they’re trying to. They were like trying to climb up somebody to get away from their feelings of isolation or, or they’re sad feelings versus being really calmly present with them, knowing that they can handle their own sense of, of loneliness.
[01:05:50] There’s a different energy of like, oh, I’m going to be really happy and kind of funny. And I can I call it climbing up someone trying to get away from your feelings versus I can stand here with my feet on the ground, knowing that I can be lonely sometimes. And I’m still okay. And I’m choosing to connect.
[01:06:08] And I like to remember there was a woman who was, um, there was in the 18 hundreds, but she lived on an island by herself or, um, it was right off the coast of California. She lived there for, I think 20 years by herself. She had, there were no other humans. And, um, I imagine that’s really hard, but it reminds me.
[01:06:28] We can actually adapt. Humans can adapt. And even though we are, we require some touch and food and there’s things we can, we need, we can actually adapt and learn to live that way. We’re not going to die. Despite our permanent brain, usually we’re not going to die. Um, and I wanna reach out and connect with people from a point of strength and stability, not from, I need to get away from this loneliness or this isolation.
[01:06:55] So I love what Rick said about just like connecting in his heart and feeling like connecting with himself and his, the love for those people as a starting point, rather than just trying to like I’m feeling alone, my brain is panicking. I want to run away from that. Um, so, and we wanted to, I wanted to make sure we talk a little bit about following the logging.
[01:07:18] Is that okay, Rick, if we go there.
[01:07:24] I used to try to run away from those feelings. I would distract. I steal there’s still days. I do. It’s been especially the last two years, but, um, when we can be with the feelings and start to just not feel this massive, like, ah, fear, but start to notice what it is particularly we’re longing for. When we can build up a muscle, a little bits at a time to actually be with the longing and ask ourselves what in particular do I want?
[01:07:50] In this moment, we’ve like often that sense of longing will initially come onto me is very strong and it’s almost a panic of wanting to run away. It’s like, I don’t like this feeling. I want to make it stop, but if I can breathe into it and notice, what is it particularly, I want, sometimes it’s a particular person, like a deer wanting her mama.
[01:08:10] And there’s times when I’m like, I really want to talk to Rick. Like that is the perfect nutrient for me right now. And there may not be times when that’s available. So it’s like, what about that would be really nurturing. It’s okay. Warm kind, understanding person that loves me. Okay. Maybe there’s somebody else that could get some of the nutrients from, or maybe it’s a sign that I need to deepen my bench in terms of friends that I have that I’ve, that I’m close with.
[01:08:38] But if I can look at once, I know the flavor of what I’m looking for once I know what I want to experience one getting past the blocks that might be stopping me. Becomes easier because I have a goal that I’m working for and to find the it, once I get past some of those blocks, I know what I’m looking for.
[01:08:59] I know where I want, I want to create. So even if you don’t have anyone in mind, like I hate when there’s like, my life feels very rich right now. I have a number of people that I really love and getting support from. Um, and I can support back sometimes, but there’ve been times when there was no one really drawing.
[01:09:18] And it felt very isolated. Like I was like, where are the bright, shiny lights in my world? And so what I would do is try to look for what would I look for if I did have them, what would they, what would I like them to be like, what would I like the experience to be like? And I do think that that helps us too.
[01:09:35] And so we’re starting to look for that in the world and whether we attract it or we just start noticing it when the universe drifts that bias. Um, I think using that longing as a compass can be really powerful. It’s a way to take something that is not very fun and kind of, I love transforming muck into gold.
[01:09:56] There is a direction in that longing. There is a, there, there is a, what is it specifically that I want to have? And then I have a lot more power about creating it versus I just want to run away from this feeling. Does that make sense? Did I explain that? Well,
[01:10:19] And for me, I just, I I’m saying this for the me that’s, you know, 30 years ago. It’s okay to imagine it that’s something that is a core part of, for me as a relational person, um, to notice the flavors of it. Like as soon as I started noticing that there was comfort available in, in that nonphysical spiritual form, I started noticing and letting in more of my dog, like, oh, She just came and rested her head in my lap.
[01:11:07] I think right now I’m feeling that kind of like completing the loop of me resting my head. Now my dog has come and arrested, uh, their head in my lap and oh, you know, I want to be carried, uh, the feeling of being held and carried. And now I’m riding a horse. Who’s hurrying me what’s up with this. And I think that if we dig down the experience sounds, it sounds to me like you’re looking, you would like some support.
[01:11:44] You’d like other people to be. Cause I know with your family, you do a lot of the lifting and it’s like, oh, what do those kinds of symbolize? They symbolize somebody else, you know, offering support and being there for you. And that’s okay. Well, you may not find a course to ride this week. You can look for different ways.
[01:12:04] The universe supports you. Maybe it’s a thought that came. So I’d like to, I’d like to just lead a tapping of, of particularly like, I, I have not seen my, my adult kids in two years in person. Um, and so like immediately when I tuned to that, there’s a sense of, um, like I, it’s still there. I’m not doing this.
[01:12:32] Right. Um, it’s only about a four right at the moment. Um, but that flared up with the holidays. And so I’m going to, I’m going to just kind of step us through how I’m. You know, do some tapping on that. Even though I have such a strong feeling right now, even though I have such a strong feeling right now, I really want to be with them.
[01:12:53] I really want to be with them. I want to be with them for the holidays. I want to be with them for the holidays, and that is not going to happen. That’s not going to happen. This feels really unnatural. This feels really unnatural. And I feel it in my throat and my heart. And I feel it in my throat, in my heart, I feel how unnatural this is, how a natural this is.
[01:13:16] I feel it in my throat and heart. I feel it in my throat and my heart, the eye, pardon me, is asking, is something wrong. Part of me is asking is something wrong
[01:13:29] and it’s the way it is. And it’s the way it is. It’s an unwanted reality. It’s an unwanted reality. Can Irish, they lived next door, which they live next door. They definitely do not live next door. Do not live next door. And they’re both. Okay. And they’re both. Okay. And I’m okay. And I’m okay. And there is a love that connects us and there is a love that connects us and I’m choosing to become more aware of that.
[01:14:01] I am choosing to become more aware of that. I let this yearning be a call to that. I let this year name be a call to that. Hi guys. Love you.
[01:14:23] I have, um, I have shared this over the 20 years. I’ve been coaching with others who have sometimes estrangement with family members, and yet there is a love that they feel, uh, there is a sense of connection and to go to a place where energetically within, um, I love the energy of a circle, um, meeting them as humans.
[01:14:51] Uh, not necessarily even, always as mom and dad. It’s happened enough times that people have said, I feel the relationship that I have with them changing. I feel it becoming more nourished. I feel it live inside of me, a greater love that isn’t as tinge with the intense yearning for something that isn’t.
[01:15:19] And I’ve also known in my life and heard it reflected not every time, but enough times that when people do reconnect, that there’s less of a sense of a gap that there’s a sense of continuity that’s possible when we’re isolated from one another energetic. Um, and consciously like, oh, I’m isolated. I don’t feel like there’s as much movement of energy in the relationship.
[01:15:49] Um, Kathy and I haven’t seen each other for nearly two years as well. And yet, you know, she’s a part of my walk, you know, she’s not actually on my walk, but she’s a part of my walk. She was today, you know, there was this really, really cool place where there was mountain Laurel and pine trees and pine needles, and it was soft and wonderful.
[01:16:11] And I just, I felt your presence now, to me, that is a way that I actively keep the relationship so that it is, um, and I do that. It happens more and more. And that I believe is for me, one of the signals that my, the part of me that is primal, that also had. Telepathic and other connections with my tribe and those that I love that intuitive, you know, we, for awhile, we just called it mother’s intuition, but we are coming to understand that we as humans have an intuition, a connection that can give us information.
[01:16:50] About each other and with each other and nourish each other, and that our yearning in our isolation, we can tap, tap. It’s not an immediate threat. And how might I, how might this yearning guide me in deepening my, my awareness, my connection to the people that are oriented the way that I am, the people that these are the things that matter, that circle and community and connection and love and healing and acceptance to people that are wherever they are on their illness.
[01:17:27] And well-being spectrum, you know, whether you’re partnered or not, whether you’re a part of a, uh, a pod or not, um, We can connect and accept and include each other in our energy. And that’s a powerful sense of healing that wound of isolation. And I will sometimes use that longing to help myself. I think one of the things people do is we let appreciations, like when I’m longing for a particular person, I kind of hold my breath.
[01:18:03] It’s almost like I just kind of freeze in place. Um, and one thing I’ve learned that helps me is if I think of, I tap on a pre an appreciation I have for them and a resentment for that I have for them the next time we’re we’re together. Like all appreciations can get stale, just like old resentment. So like when I feel that logging I’ll tap on something, I appreciate and really try to feel it.
[01:18:27] And. Refreshing that energy and let anything old perceptions go. And then I’ll tap on a resentment I have for them. And if I want to do another appreciation and other resentment, what I’m trying to do is use that energy to clear the pathway. So the next time I meet them, I’m in a really open space where they get to be them.
[01:18:46] I get to be me and we can, we have more opportunity that the, the place we’re meeting is not filled with big boulders or rocks so that we can just actually meet a little better. Um, we don’t always have control, especially with COVID. It makes it harder holidays travel. We don’t always have the option on what we can do, but as we were talking about in the chat, there’s usually something we have control over.
[01:19:11] So it might be, I can’t reach out to that person right now because they’re in a different time zone in their centers. Um, I could write them a nice note or I can listen to their voicemail and done that with, with Rick before, like just hearing his voice like, oh, okay. He’s there still? Um, or I might do some tapping and like, oh, wow.
[01:19:30] That was so cool that he did that the other day. Oh. And I wish he hadn’t said it. I wish he hadn’t had to go for dinner. I was just enjoying our conversation, whatever I tap in clear, it creates more pathway and more ease. So sometimes using the pain as a way to invite yourself to clear things out. I mean, it’s not going to hurt you in any way and it might, we might find the next time you connect.
[01:19:54] You’re like, oh wow. There is more clarity here. There’s a more open space for us to just be here together. So just a thought I’d rather use it than sit there and hold my breath and feel awful. Thank you for being here. Thank you for being a part of our community. Um, we’d love to continue the engagement with you.
[01:20:13] We have a couple of invitations. We have the thriving now circles@thrivingnow.com slash circle. Um, we have other calls where they’re not recorded and we engage one-on-one and as a community, as a group, um, around these particular subjects and whatever else is coming up for you. Um, and we also have our community center, which is free thriving now.
[01:20:39] And that’s an opportunity. The replay and the invitations to these events are posted there. We invite you to share your ahas, your questions, and like this didn’t work for me and where I’d like to go with this. Is there. What is your, what is your asking? Your intuition, your guidance. So thank you. Thank you, Cathy.
[01:21:06] And, um, I really value your, the courage everybody brings to these in the vulnerability. I felt much less alone, so thank you. Yeah. Thank you. Bye. For now.
We covered…
- Primitive Brain and the Isolation threat alert
- Creating new pathways by calming the feeling of immediate threat to survival
- Feeling the Yearning and accepting it (even when it sucks)
- Letting the yearning guide you to what really matters
- The energetic/spiritual approaches to connection even when not physically present
Resources Mentioned
Great to have you on this journey with us!