Confident? How?!? I don't even like my body!

 Real Skills Workshop - Community Event


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Confident? How?!? I don’t even like my body!!

Real Skills Workshop: Be Calm and Confident

Hosts: Rick Wilkes (@Rick) and Cathy Vartuli (@Cathy)

Recorded Sunday, April 25, 2021 (90 mins)

Where: Replay is below

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Who likes their body these days?

I found my Mom beautiful when I was a child. She found herself fat… and not “fat and happy.” I figured she was right, that there must be something wrong with her, and she’d spend all the decades since focusing a lot of energy on fixing that aspect of her body.

Me? I was TOO SKINNY. No, not anymore. But for a long time I was stuck seeing my body as flawed, unacceptable, undesirable.

EFT Tapping when I applied it to my body self-image changed my walk. It changed my posture. And weirdly… it also helped me gain muscle mass and Presence.

Each time I’ve revisited this topic, which Cathy and I will do in this workshop, I’ve felt more peace with myself. I can allow my Nature to be expressed with more confidence.

And when things come up, whether an injury or skin-thing or whatever human things come up… I can be MUCH more calm.

Wouldn’t that be useful to you, too? To be a bit more calm about “what is” when it comes to your body right now… and a bit more confident so your “vibe” about yourself can resonate with more ease around those who matter to you?

Cathy and I hope you’ll join us. As you prepare for the workshop, consider something about your body that you’ve got some rejection, repulsion, or disconnection from… and let’s Together bring safety, respect, and presence to that part of you.

Yes, this takes Courage. That’s why we do things like this Together.

:point_right: Get your Real Skills Workshop 1-Year Pass Here

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~ Jeff Brown

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3 Reasons Why People Dislike Parts of Their Bodies (and also judge others…)

@Cathy and I explore the 3 Reasons it can be really HARD to like all of us… when sometimes parts are not working right! Or there are changes – and not for the better! And then there’s reason #3 that I think we all suffer from…

What do you sense for you and your body’s relationship? Reply and share, if that’s a YES for you!

We hope you’ll join us for the Workshop, too! See below…

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In her new book, Face: One Square Foot of Skin , actor and director Justine Bateman asks why women still spend so much time in a frustrating quest to ‘fix’ their faces. Of her own unaltered 55-year-old face, Bateman writes:

You’re looking at f-ing determination and truth and creativity. You’re looking at loss and sorrow and the effort for a deeper perspective. You’re looking at satisfaction and happiness. You’re looking at a manifestation of a connection so deep and rooted that it’s more real than I am. You’re looking at my face.

–Justine Bateman, #TheresNothingWrongWithYourFace

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I guess you’re open to comments here. I’m ok with my body now. But my face, I’ve grown accustomed to it but know that it is different. I’m pretty much ok with it but hey its me and at 16 I told everyone no more surgery and take off my braces. You either like me the way I am or not. I never regretted this decision. I could say more but not now.

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When we get our clarity and back it with courage and action, we seldom regret (I believe). Like you said:

Hey, it’s me! :angel:

Love who you are…

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Valuing and Appreciating My Body: EFT Tapping

This session of EFT Tapping is a great warm-up for the workshop.

To accept ourselves is, in some ways, an act of courageous rebellion. We put energy towards connecting with ourself… as we are. How radical! How wild and free!

I’m delighted you’re willing to explore this… to try on how it feels to be confident anyway – before your body or health is “perfect” in the eyes of the media, culture, and yeah… even your family (if you have one of those families that uses pressure and shaming).

Oh the freedom you will feel! Oh the healing energy you can release back into tissues that have been parched for loving compassion. Oh how much more thriving your nervous system and digestion can be!!

We hope you’ll tap along with this video and then join us for the workshop (see below).

With love, and body acceptance,
@Rick & @Cathy

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See the book

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Confident? How?!? I don’t even like my body! – Replay of the Workshop

:point_right: Get your Real Skills Workshop 1-Year Pass Here

We welcome your insights, ah-ha’s, and sharing. Please! Click [Reply]

Click for Computer Generated Transcript

Confident? How?!? I don’t even like my body!!

How can I be confident if I don’t even like my body or part of my body or that thing on my body, I’m Richmond thriving now, and this is a real skills workshop. And one of our intentions is to help us all feel a bit more calm and a bit more confident in our skin, in our walk, in the world. And as we assert ourselves around things that matter, and if relationships and interacting with other people matters to you, the energy that we carry with us about how we feel about ourselves is a part of the relationship.

[00:00:39] And I say that not to, you know, everyone is doing that. We can’t help it. And by consciously spending some time. Together in this way, what we’re saying is, Hey, this is normal for people to have some dislike about something in their body, but it doesn’t have to be our natural state. We can actually use some skill to shift that.

[00:01:05] And why is that important? This is Kathy Vartuli from the intimacy dojo and thriving now. And my dear, dear, dear friend. And I’m so grateful that you’re here with us. Yeah. So I love talking about this. And in fact, Rick was the first person that really helped me, um, enjoy my body. I grew up with sexual abuse and my body was a source of pain and trauma.

[00:01:29] And ever since I was 13, I S I’ve been a little bit bigger and then a little bit bigger. And in our society, that’s, there’s a lot of very obvious judgment about that. So I had, I just viewed my body as this thing that I had to carry around and it was so much effort and. The source, it was a source of pain.

[00:01:48] And I remember working with Rick and it’s like 14 years ago now. And he’s like, can you find one part of your body that you don’t actively hate? And it took me a little bit of energy. It took some time and I’m like, well, the back of the skin on the back of my left hand, isn’t too bad. And he’s like, okay.

[00:02:04] So I just want you to look at that and be with that. And we baby, step this foe this forward we’re some of us were here earlier and talking about moving and like it’s a big task. And someone shared, it’s like eating an elephant one bite at a time, changing our image around our body is something that can happen just one baby step at a time.

[00:02:24] And it’s so important because this is how we walk through the world. This is how we present ourselves. And when we’re hating ourselves, whether it’s a part of our body or the way that our bodies working or how it feels that shows people can pick up on that. And our survival brains are really geared for status.

[00:02:42] And you know, that part of our brain wants to know we are valuable. It feels our identity is attached to that. We want to know that our tribe, our community, our group really cares about us and that they’ll they’ll rescue us of hyenas chases. Or if there’s not enough food on, you know, if there’s a famine, are they going to share some of the food with us?

[00:03:02] So our survival brain gets really scared when there’s something that’s being judged by other people. And there’s things about our bodies that people can easily see whether we’re we have extra fat cells in our body or where we can’t move as easily, or we have wrinkles, whatever it is, we judge ourselves about it.

[00:03:24] About that. And then it’s hard to walk through the world, enjoy and ourselves when our survival brain is freaking out, it’s like danger, danger, danger all the time. I just watched a movie, a documentary about Audrey Hepburn the other day. She’s one of, I love her. She’s a great actress in my opinion. Um, and she was talking about how she didn’t like her body.

[00:03:45] Now this is one of the women that has been deemed most beautiful in the world ever of all time. And she was like, my feet are too big. My nose is too long. I wish I wasn’t quite so tall. I wish I had, I think she said, I wish I had more of a figure, but she was kind of indicating her. She was a very petite woman.

[00:04:04] She was indicating her chest, even people that are incredibly beautiful by our conventional standards are still doing the same thing. So no matter where we’re at, we’re all struggling with this. And if we can start identifying, I really want to honor you. If you’re here listening to this in live, or if you listen to the recording later, please realize you’re doing something that most people never do.

[00:04:29] They’re like fish swimming in a fish tank, and they have no idea that there’s water there. They don’t realize they can make changes. They just feel like this is true. That’s what I thought for so long. My body is wrong. My body is bad. And then as I gradually started with that little bit of skin on the back of my, my left hand, and then I was like, well, I don’t really hate my eyes.

[00:04:54] And gradually I started like, wow, my body is pretty amazing. It’s pretty functional over time. And there are still days when being a bigger person in this world and noticing a few wrinkles and gray hairs coming in there’s days when it feels heavier than others. But I have muscles now that I can go, Oh, that’s society having its way with me.

[00:05:14] I know I’m a valuable person. I can care about me. And when I walked through the world that way people quickly pick up on that because I value myself. They have more room to value me, and there’s going to be some people that judge us, but having that confidence, the real skills that Rick’s talking about, where we can, we can transform our world and create amazing things by doing a little bit of work, normalizing this, and seen as a community.

[00:05:42] Like all of us been here, each of you, we’re all seeing each other’s survival brains and going, I’m not alone. Maybe it’s okay to change this. And that’s so powerful when we come together in a group like this, Oh, objection, you have an objection to what we’re saying, and it doesn’t have to be logical. It can be something that you think about this manifests or accepting yourself a little bit.

[00:06:13] More, what objection comes up for you? Uh, feel free to pop it in the chat. I’ll say that, you know, there was, there was a belief that I brought and there’s sometimes called limiting beliefs. There there’s certainly like a frame of reference. So I thought that if I accepted something that wasn’t working right about my body, it would mean that I would just like, who cares about it?

[00:06:42] Right. Like I don’t care and just let it all go to pot. And so I stuck with the, I hate the fact that my, my ankle is weak. My ankle’s a weak, my ankles are weak. My ankles are weak. I hate my, that. My ankles are weak. My ankles are weak. Ankles are weak. You know, that was a menorah. And it was repeated over and over again.

[00:07:09] And my knees, my knees are weak, but they had, and didn’t get a lot of pain in my knees, all this pain in my knees. And this is from the age of 13. Okay. So like, by the time I’m in my twenties and the, like, this was really established, but you’ll notice something. I spent a lot of energy criticizing and being unhappy with and having an attitude, attitude toward my ankles and my knees.

[00:07:35] And what happens if we have an attitude towards something where we don’t want it, we don’t want it. Right. Like, Oh, I don’t like that. Oh, I, that, that’s not, that’s not cool. That’s not acceptable. That’s broken. That needs to be fixed. Not, you know, but like saying that needs to be fixed that pushes it away.

[00:07:56] Somebody else is gonna fix this. Right? Like, are there’s something that should happen to fix this. And so there’s, there’s a quality of, of disconnection dissociation pushing away. Rama can do this, um, in a big way for intimate parts of our body or our eyebrows. You know, if pharma has a way of, of, again, like pushing it away.

[00:08:26] And what I noticed was that when we accept someone like our ankle personify my ankle, it was interesting as part of preparing for this. Um, I’ve done a lot of work on, on my, with my body. Um, I had a really negative attitude toward it for many years, growing up, Brahma impacted that. But one of the things I noticed is that that echo of my ankle, my ankle, my ankle was still around.

[00:08:57] And so by tapping on that and just making it a little bit quieter, My ankle said, Hey, you know, if you release some of the pressure and Penton and your calf muscle, I actually can move really well. I’m actually really flexible and strong. Now that’s a different mind that I want that because I know that when I hated my guts, you know, when you say hate your guts while I hated my guts, my guts were killing me and my in my late twenties and early thirties.

[00:09:33] And when I switched to, Oh, I wonder, I wonder what my guts are telling me. Oh, they’re an important part of my life. They, they do a lot for me, just like my ankles, carry me around by making that transition even a little baby step. What you will notice is that your capacity to relate in difficult situations will dramatically improve.

[00:10:00] Because there’s nothing more difficult than a pain in your own body. It’s really intimate. You’re feeling it. It’s there you go to bed with it. You wake up with it. If you get good at being present and okay. And accepting that look, this is where we are right now, your capacity to be in challenges of all kinds and see them through to a place of.

[00:10:25] Like, Oh, we’re actually stronger now. We’re actually, we have, we have capacities here. Yeah. Can we do a little tapping on that? Cause I, I pulled up this analogy in other calls, but like, if you have a house plan and you’re there, you’re a bad house plant, look at you. You’re not blooming. You’re just bad. And you’re, you know, when we’re ignoring parts of our body, just like this hospital, we’re just, we’re not giving it food or water or careful attention.

[00:10:50] Right. We’re just giving it negative energy. It’s never going to thrive. And then we wonder why we’re not thriving when we’re sending all this energy in our body. Yeah. So we use EFT tapping. If I included a link, uh, riving now.com/tapping is our free guide. We’re not going to be teaching pepping, but you’re welcome to mimic.

[00:11:12] And since we’re all you all are muted, please feel free to tap along. If you can, if you’re in some place where you don’t feel like you could speak out loud, speak it out loud in your head. Um, while you’d have, go ahead. Copy. Even though I don’t want to be right here with his feelings, even though I don’t want to be right here with these feelings in my body.

[00:11:34] I feel angry that they’re here. I feel angry that they’re here and sometimes I feel sad and sometimes I feel sad and hopeless and depressed and hopeless and depressed about it. The truth is I have these feelings right now. The truth is I have these feelings right now. What if I looked at them as communication?

[00:12:01] What if I looked at them as communication instead of a signal that something’s wrong with me instead of a signal that something’s wrong with me top of the head, I have these feelings right now. I have these feelings right now. I wrote, I don’t want to, I don’t want to side of the, I want them to go away.

[00:12:25] You don’t want them to just go away? I mean, what if I could listen to them for a few minutes? What if I could listen to them for a few minutes under the nose, the warning, the engine light in my car. Doesn’t go away if I don’t fix it. Yeah. The check engine light. Doesn’t just go away. If I don’t actually do something 10, I have to notice what’s wrong.

[00:12:50] I have to notice and find out what’s wrong collarbone. And my body has so much wisdom and my body has so much wisdom under the arm. If I stopped yelling at it, I stopped yelling at it away. Totally. Would it have more time and energy to tell me what’s actually what it actually needs? Would it have more time and energy to tell me what it actually.

[00:13:18] And take a nice deep breath and just notice what comes up for you. Because for some of us, there’s a lot of resistance. If there’s been pain for a very long time, it’s like, I don’t know if I have the bandwidth to feel this right now. I don’t know if I have the, like, some people are really depleted and also because we have so many stories about it, those stories come for a ride.

[00:13:40] So when my ankle feels bad, there’s a thought I’m getting old. I didn’t take good care enough. Like there’s all these stories as opposed to, okay. Can I quiet down the chatter and just listen to what my body needs right now? Oh, like you said, Rick, my calf gets really tight. My ankle gets sore. I could just do a few stretches.

[00:13:59] Oh wow. That helps so much. There’s little baby steps things we can do. When we start listening to our body, they can give it, give us access to really profound ways to move forward. And it can be really challenging. These are muscles we build up over time. And so when you’re, if you’ve had a lot of pain for a long time, we’re not saying just sit there and pain and focus on the pain for an hour.

[00:14:23] We’re saying, just take a breath and see if you can be with it for five seconds or 10 seconds. And see if there’s one thing you could do that just help it along. There’s some great things in the chat. And I wanted to touch on them because they fit with the frame of reference. The frame of reference is like, Oh, I’m stupid.

[00:14:42] You know, my body will never heal and I’m stupid to try to heal it. What I hear when I hear that is like the Fixit

[00:14:57] there’s, there’s an attitude that says when something’s off, then when there’s pain in the body, that what needs to happen is we need to fix it so that we don’t have the pain. And. That’s not it, it can work or something like there’s a rock in my shoe, but we’re, we’re going deeper. And what I’d like to propose is that there’s no tissue in your body that you don’t have a relationship with.

[00:15:29] Now you can have a real, and Paganini stick relationship with it. You can have a dismissive one. Someone said, I feel like my body does tell me what it needs. My struggle is that I don’t necessarily listen or give it what it needs when it does. Well, if we have any love relationship and we do that, there is the need for a healing in the relationship.

[00:15:52] There’s like, Oh, I choose to pause and drop in with you and what you need and see if there’s a yes, yes. Here. So like, this is the overarching part of the real skill. It says, okay. I need to quiet down enough, the noise, like I’m stupid to try to heal this, or I’m defective, go away. I’m not going to listen.

[00:16:20] I’m not going to do this for you. That’s noisy, right? That’s an that’s avoidance or anxiety or fear, or a lot of other things we’ll tap on a bunch of them. And the competence says, you know, I may not I’m with this body till death do us part. And there is a better relationship. It’s possible to have a better relationship tomorrow than I do today.

[00:16:48] And the day after and the day after. And it won’t be linear. There’ll be days when I’ll feel a little, little off with my body, with the viewing. It, even as a relationship is different than viewing it as parts. And, um, yeah, so I’d like to do some tapping right there. Yeah. Okay. Even though I’ve got all this noise, even though I’ve got all this noise and I’m scared, I can’t fix my body and I’m scared I can’t my body.

[00:17:23] I may even know that fixing is not what this is about. I may even know that fixing is not what this is about, and I don’t want to fix that. I don’t want to face that. I don’t want to face that. I do have a relationship with my body. I do have a relationship with my body. It’s still death. Do us part it’s till death, do us part better or worse

[00:17:55] sickness. And in hell, I have a relationship with my body. I have relationship with my body. And right now I’m choosing to call them a bit. And right now I’m choosing to calm a bit and be a bit more present and be a bit more present,

[00:18:16] which is hard, which is hard. My body can be so noisy. My body can be so noisy. Yeah. I can feel so demanding. It can feel so demanding. It can feel so unsatisfiable can feel so unsatisfiable no, sometimes I just can’t Sue, but sometimes I just can’t see that. And it’s a, it’s a relationship and it’s a relationship.

[00:18:50] It’s my most intimate relationship. It’s my most intimate, really? Whether I’ve treated it that way or not. And a part of me has hated parts of me. And a part of me has hated parts of me. I’m in a really big club in a really big class.

[00:19:13] What if hate really doesn’t belong in our relationship? What if hate really doesn’t belong in our relationship? I brought, but I get angry, but I get angry. That’s okay. That’s okay. I really need to hate my body. So it really can I accept me where I am? Can I accept me where I am? No, I can’t accept myself where I am or I can’t accept myself where I am, because if I do, because if I do pause there.

[00:19:55] This is one of those key moments where asking like, Oh, there’s a resistance to accepting myself. I can’t accept myself because this is one of the things that tapping does for us. It gives us places where our wisdom can rise. What’s your answer? Why, why can’t you accept yourself, right? The way that you are,

[00:20:19] there may be CRE for anger or different beliefs in there. And if you can look at them and just to be with them for a minute, often, we can clear, clear them out of the way,

[00:20:36] feel free to share if you want.

[00:20:50] Sometimes what can come up, come up in these moments is. Like not completely true for you. Like I’ll stop pushing is a force for me. I don’t, that’s a bit of a surprise. I’m being authentic here and sharing like, Oh, I’ll stop pushing. Okay. You know? Um, that’s interesting. That would, that is, there’s some possibilities there.

[00:21:24] Another one is like, I can’t like what I don’t like. Ooh, that feels more. That feels powerful for me. What is it for you guys if you’re willing to share? Well, people are typing. I noticed some grief because I had dreams of like, when I was a kid, I would have certain experiences and having to give up on some, like, I’ve probably never going to look like Audrey Hepburn, like.

[00:21:50] Sorry, that’s just not going to happen. And I think we get dreams and stories about that. Like we want to have those experiences. So there’s some, I’m noticing a little bit of grief. Like I just accept myself where I am. Yeah. Maybe I have to give up on something, all those dreams. Um, someone else shared, they would never change, but the things they don’t like if they accept themselves, um, I would have I’d feel like such a meaningful person.

[00:22:18] If I had these thoughts about anyone else, um, I can accept myself. It means I have to live with this pain forever. Um, C well, others. Um, I can’t accept myself because I’m not who I used to be. And I don’t know how to fill that gap. Gaping hole of loss and how to still feel capable and confident with what’s left.

[00:22:41] And not, um, I can’t accept myself. I’m not good. Good enough as I make mistakes and I don’t know how to get past hopeless.

[00:22:57] Oh, that’s our ecosystem, emotional landscape and includes more too. Like if your body is different, um, for whatever reason, from what most people would expect, you’re going to be navigating the world a little differently too. Um, and these all come up and to give an overview again, of like, what is our process with these feelings?

[00:23:33] You take the feeling, the thought. And you stated out loud, even though I’m hopeless and I don’t know how to get past it.

[00:23:50] Can we just do a tap? We will. Let’s use that as an example. I think that’s a great one, but tapping is about like, taking something that feels here. You hear it, you feel it as an aspect of where you are, like this hopelessness, and then you give it a bit, bit of a direction, the energy of a direct town. So like, just like the energy of water flows down to the sea, we can be conscious.

[00:24:19] Like, how would you like to feel about us? And one of our proposals here is not that you necessarily like what you don’t like, but that you accept where I am, who I am and where I am right now. And work with myself. That’s a possibility you may have other ways of being. And then we tap on these comfort points while we tune into the emotion of like hopelessness and are, we know that as we do this, it’s creating some space inside of us for our own bodies reassurance, our own sense of wisdom coming.

[00:25:06] Would you lead us in a tapping on, I don’t know how to get past the hopelessness. Yeah. So might you take a nice deep breath? And see if you can be present with your body, this is a good practice. And if your body’s in a lot of pain, you can moderate how deeply you go. But I invite you to feel your feet on the floor or wherever they’re, you know, wherever they are.

[00:25:28] Notice the pressure on them. If they’re on the bottom of your feet, what’s the texture. Is it carpet or floor? Notice your butt in the chair, whereas the pressure on it that helps you get in your body. Take another nice deep breath. We process things better when we’re not just in our heads when we’re also in our bodies, karate chop, even though I feel hopeless, even though I feel hopeless and I’m not sure I’ll ever get past this,

[00:25:59] I’ll never get past this. I am curious if there’s another way. I am curious if there’s another way, even though part of me doesn’t think I’ll ever get past this, even though part of me thinks I’ll never get past this. And it makes fun of me for having curiosity. And it makes fun of me sometimes for having curiosity, I’m really wanting to find some way to have some relief.

[00:26:26] I’m really wanting some relief. I asked the universe to guide me. I asked the universe to guide me. We’re really interested in finding a solution that I haven’t already tried. I’m open to finding a solution or an attitude that I haven’t already really tried top of that. I feel so hopeless. I feel so hopeless.

[00:26:53] I don’t think this is ever going to change. I don’t think this is ever going to change. I’ve tried so many different things. I’ve tried so many things and the VA I’ve contorted myself and twisted myself. I contorted myself and twisted myself under the nose. I’ve tried everything I can think of. I’ve tried everything I can think of 10, I feel hopeless, hopeless.

[00:27:19] One part of me has given up, pardon me, has given up, um, the VRM and I don’t want to feel like this, the rest of my life. And I do not want to feel like this, the rest of my life, top of that part of the things there might be a different story. Part of me thinks there might be a different solution eyebrows.

[00:27:40] So I’m doing this silly tapping thing. I’m doing this silly tapping thing side of the eye with a lot of other people, a lot of other people. Yeah. And I’m really curious if I might have a new insight. I’m really curious. What if I might have a new insight under the nose? Something I never looked at before, I’ve never looked out or really embraced before Jen, I’m open to this and I ask for help.

[00:28:13] Halliburton because my brain hasn’t been able to figure this one out. My brain has not been able to figure this one out other than maybe my body, my brain and the universe can figure it out together. Maybe my body, brain and universe can figure it out together top of the head, because I don’t want to feel this hopeless for the rest of my life.

[00:28:35] I don’t want to feel this hopeless for the rest of my life. Just take a nice deep breath. If you have things, thoughts coming up really quickly or images or memories from when you were a child or whatever it is, I encourage you to write them down right now. Your subconscious is probably sending you messages.

[00:28:53] It’s probably saying you remember that time when you were three and you know, pictures or sense or images or thoughts, your subconscious will often try to help you after we’ve done work like this tapping, where we brought our body and our brain together and asked for help. And if it’s not right now, it might be later.

[00:29:11] It might be. You might in the middle of the night, wake up with a thought or a memory or a dream, encourage you to write those down because they often, our brain gets into little ruts. We have paths that we’ve tried. We’ve gone all over and over, and it’s trying to give us an idea for a different road. And our brain will often go back to that rut.

[00:29:28] So if you can grab onto those ideas when they come up and kind of anchor them by writing them down, that can help you.

[00:29:41] I want to, again, this is a real skills workshop. And one of the great things about skills is that they can be learned and we share, and we’re learning from each other. So for example, I really appreciate that the same person who said, I don’t know how to get past hopeless, that I feel weak and that’s defective and with appreciation, think about what would happen to a person’s confidence.

[00:30:11] If someone pointed at them and said, well, you’re defective. Okay.

[00:30:20] As soon as, as soon as I feel that, like I get shaky. Now, if somebody said, okay, Hey, it seems like today, your, your energy’s a little softer. Maybe it’s not a day who have a lot of vitality. And is that true? You said, yeah. Yeah. Today’s not a day for chopping wood. Hasn’t been for a long time. Yeah. And it’s okay.

[00:30:50] That doesn’t close me off from everything in life. So I just use a very different attitude or weakness because if I pointed at someone and said, Oh, you’re so weak, it’s judgemental. It’s it’s separating like, Ooh, I think it’s important. As hard as this is, can be to recognize that yes, people do this to each other.

[00:31:16] And the worst part of it for me as someone who is. Really attuned to this is that we internalize that. But that’s what you do. You pick up on your weakness before anyone else does, and that somehow protects you, but you do at the same way, instead of saying, Hey, I’m kind of soft today. I’m not, not a day with a lot of arm.

[00:31:38] It’s like, ah, I feel so weak. And that week equals the factor. So this is again, like, what do you do with that? Because if that’s your roof, even though I feel weak today, even though I feel weak today and a part of me is going to dance, but that means I’m detective and a part of me is convinced. That means I’m defective.

[00:32:00] What if that’s not true? What if that’s not true? Even though it must be true, even that must be true. We celebrate wonder woman and Superman. We celebrate wonder woman or Superman, Superman. And not me, not me.

[00:32:22] It really impacts my confidence to think of myself. It really impacts my confidence to think of myself as weak. And it really injures me to think of myself as defective. And it really interests me to think of myself as defective. And that’s been in my relationship and that’s been in my relationship.

[00:32:42] It’s part of my relationship with myself. It’s part of my relationship with myself. I call myself and other things and other things I have called myself. I have called myself weak and other things too. And other things too. I would never do this to someone else. I’d never do this to someone else. I feel horrible if I even think about doing it to someone else, I feel horrible.

[00:33:11] If I can think about doing it to someone else for me to be kind to me. It’s kind of it’s time for me to be kind to me. I’m guessing there’s another way of looking at my, my body. I’m guessing there’s another way to look at my body and its energy right now. And it’s energy right now, right now and its capacities right now.

[00:33:35] It’s functioning right now, functioning right now.

[00:33:42] I think a lot of this work is about actually getting our survival brain to feel a little quieter first. So a lot of the work we’ve been doing is just tapping on where we are. Our survival brain feels very scared if it feels like we don’t fit in, if we’re not as strong as we need to be. And it tends to, it’s looking always for the lowest common denominator, the risk factor.

[00:34:02] So if we feel weak, it’s going to forget that we’ve done a lot to build a nice home around ourselves. That we’re intelligent, that we’re we’re kind or flexible. It forgets all the other things and just cause we weak, Oh my God, fix this. The lions are going to eat us. And there there’s a threat in our world.

[00:34:19] Like I want to just acknowledge that. There are some people out there that were very judgmental and will attack like people with different color skin with, um, transgender or different gender expressions being bigger. I’ve had people catcall where I felt like they were like, they were just like, why are you out?

[00:34:37] Like, what are you doing? And I’m just like, Oh, like there’s a lot of, there are some people that do that. And people that are disabled have different abilities. Like there are people that will judge that and attack that, but that’s there actually. There’s a lot of really wonderful people too. And I think that we need to clean out as much as we can inside because that’s going to make a ripple effect outside.

[00:35:01] I know when I look at people and I say, I’ve had a lot of people talk to me about my weight and if I can just be calm with them and I’m not, when I don’t get into my shame and kind of like, Oh my God, I’m too big. I shouldn’t be out here, but I can just look at them and say, so I have a few, I have some extra fat cells on my body and I’m still a good person or talk to them about what’s going on.

[00:35:23] They, it’s very hard for them to. You must there’s that fear and shame going back. It takes a lot of the energy out of it. And I don’t think we’re going to change the world overnight, but I do think when we role model like, Oh, there’s days where I feel more shameful than others, but there’s a lot of days where I can go, yes, I’m a bigger person in the swimming pool and I’m enjoying the water.

[00:35:45] And I’ve had people say I would never have taken, gone out in the swimming pool, but I saw you and I felt comfortable because you’re, so you seem so comfortable in your body so we can make a difference. And I feel very sad when I think of the people, transgender, uh, different people, different races, people that are being attacked because of that.

[00:36:05] And I don’t know how to fix it all right now, but I do know that when we start clearing our own shame out so that we can stand up and say, you know what? That’s not okay. And I think some of those people are so filled with shame. Like a lot of people that are very homophobic, we’re like, Hmm, you’re probably a closeted gay person.

[00:36:26] Cause you would, why are you so scared of this? Like when we clear out our own shame and we help model to other people, they can clear out their shame. We start creating a world where it’s a lot better to live in. And I, you know, again, there are, there are people out there that are not kind. And like someone shared in the chat about being transgender and having to be afraid of, of being in certain spaces.

[00:36:49] And those are real things. So our survival brain knows there’s a real threat, but it also amplifies it very, very big. And it says, everybody feels this way when it might be one in 10,000 or one in a million people that would actually do something to harm someone else. So I really think I love the work we’re doing or we’re clearing out our own inner inner landscape.

[00:37:12] So there’s much less for other people to feed off of and reflect back. So the next tapping I’d like to invite us as around like, there’s, I feel like there’s a direction. One is around the shame aspect because shame is very noisy. It is, it loads our nervous system. It funds our endocrine system. And so in situations where you feel.

[00:37:39] Aim. It’s going to be hard to be called and you’re not sure. And I feel it’s going to be hard to know like what your value is and what you stand for, which is part of confidence. And so, and then the next thing I’d like to go to is are those things that are losses like I once was, and now I’m not. Yeah.

[00:38:03] And, uh, there’s we can, you get stuck in grief, so that’s sort of the arc that I’m on. Please feel free in the chat to give us some feedback, then we’ll be taking a quick break, the seven minute break. And then when we come back, I’d like to, um, while we’re on the break, if you feel like, yeah, I’d like to do some tapping on this, we’ll have about a half hour and I’d like to see some hands raised if that’s where we are.

[00:38:32] Kathy and I are more than willing to continue what we’re doing this way too. Yeah. And someone suggested there may be a lot of self-blame for losses too, which goes to the shame. Like we blame ourselves for what we’ve lost out on.

[00:38:51] So as you’re doing this now, if tapping is not right for your body or tapping on various part points is not right, please feel free to skip them. You can touch and hold. You can imagine. Or you can even just like find ways of non pet ways even for you to be with us. Okay. So side of the hand, and as you do, if punches part of your suiting, as it is for me, see if you can drop in and pay a little more attention to the sensation here, it’s the sensation of you adding suiting, necking with yourself.

[00:39:35] See, if you can feel that this point on your hand is connected to every other point of view, as you have, you’re sending a rhythm that reaches every cell changes your rhythm. Even though I have some shame in there, even though I have some shame in there and some has been laid upon me and some is a lot of the laid upon me

[00:40:11] and I, uh, I’ve done some things in my life and I’ve done some things in my life and not done some things and not done some things. And that is connected to shame too. And that’s connected to shame to the process right now. I’m in the process right now of acknowledging where I am and acknowledging where I am and bringing some compassion to myself for a change and bringing some compassion to myself for a change,

[00:40:51] the shame in my body, the shame and my body eyebrow, all this shame in my body and my body. I remember some of the reasons I remember some of the reasons, I don’t remember what they said. I remember what they said.

[00:41:16] I remember what I’ve said. There might even be some that I don’t remember. There might even be someone don’t remember. Noisy Seamus so noisy.

[00:41:32] I, I honor all the things in my life. I honor all the things in my life that have led to this interview and that have led to this energy of this, transforming it now, and then transforming it now. Hi eyebrow. Hey Shane,

[00:41:57] how you doing, buddy? How you doing buddy? On the BI I’d like to change things I’d like to change things. I’m tired of feeling and you fill it in. What is it? I’m tired of feeling. I’m tired of feeling this way.

[00:42:20] Honestly, tired of feeling exactly this way over and over again. I’m honestly tired of feeling this way over and over again. Hold on. I’m going to try something really ridiculous. Try something really ridiculous under the arm, accepting myself deeply and completely accepting myself deeply and completely.

[00:42:44] I bet. What would that be like? What would that be like?

[00:42:57] I really love that. I think that when we can connect with the shame and kind of talk to it, we can clear things up. I think often it’s this conflict where like, Oh, shame, I don’t want to be shamed. And we’re kind of blaming the shame versus, Hey, I get it. You’re here for a reason. All these voices we’ve heard over the time, my own voices let’s can we work together?

[00:43:18] And I do think that as painful as it is to have all that shame and all those. Experiences we can with tapping and group support, we can compost them in great, create a really beautiful garden where we can grow really amazing things. Um, I know I want to, I know you want to tap on the loss as well, but a couple of people have talked about the attention that came, um, and then gaining weight to get away from it or changing to get away from it.

[00:43:46] And I think that is, could we just do a quick tapping on that? Because I think that’s something that there’s positive and negative attention that comes for being conventionally pretty, um, well, and, and, you know, our body changing to get away from something, which is like one of the questions that my mentor girls said, what is, what’s the downside of getting better?

[00:44:09] What’s the downside of, of actually having health and vitality again? Or ever, and that can be really useful. And, and you here, when I was in shape, unwanted attention from men kept coming. When I gained a bit of weight, the attention stops. So it feels not safe to go back, you know, our body figures out stuff like it can figure out that if I’m really got a lot of energy that all of these over and over again, over and over, I can’t do it.

[00:44:44] And so, so this is not always the case. It is worth considering and noticing if when you tap on this, that. Your intuition leads you either to like, ah, that’s not really my thing, but that’s not what’s happening in my body. I’m not actually avoiding something by staying a little spalled where I am, or it’s like, Oh,

[00:45:12] there’s an aspect. Like, this is actually safer to have an excuse, not to see mom or not go on a date or to, you know, not be fit, whatever it is for you. Okay.

[00:45:30] Yeah. So again, I invite you, so I invite you to take a nice deep breath again, notice your body. If you want to breathe down to your toes, if that feels good, the more awareness of your body you have as we do this, um, the more effective it’ll be karate chop, even though part of me wants to change how I am.

[00:45:53] Even though part of me wants to change. I didn’t like some of the things that happened when I was there before. I didn’t like some of the things that happened when I was there before some of the attention and requests were not nice. Some of the attention and requests demands were not nice and there’s safety and being how I am right now, actually some safety in being how I am right now, even though I don’t always like how I feel and look right now.

[00:46:24] No, I don’t always like how I feel and how I look right now. There is so safety here. There’s some safety here. And part of me does not want to give that up. And part of me does not refuses to give that up. Part of me is holding on really tight. Part of me is holding on really tight. I don’t want those old experiences ever again.

[00:46:48] I do not want those old experiences ever again, top of the head, buddy. Thank you for figuring out the safety mechanism, Bobby, thank you for figuring out the safety mechanisms, eyebrow. I don’t always like how it expresses itself. I do not always like how it expresses itself side of the eye, but you’re really clever, clever under the eye.

[00:47:16] You protected me when I didn’t have a better way to protect myself. You protected me when I didn’t have a better way to protect myself under the nose. And I’m sorry, you had those experiences and I’m really sorry you had those experiences. We can tap and clear those out. It is possible to tap and clear those things out collarbone.

[00:47:37] And I wonder if we can come up with better solutions than what we have right now. And I wonder if we can come up with better solutions than what we have right now, the armies there’s these lovely things called boundaries, lovely things called boundaries top of the head. And maybe we can figure some of those out.

[00:47:58] Maybe we can figure some of those out. What if we found a different path together, we found a different path. Let’s take a nice deep breath.

[00:48:14] If anything is coming up for you. So Rick is going to give, he loves these breaks and I’m, I think they’re a great time to get to kind of reset and then dive back in because often we leave and then we’re not put back in our survival brain actually likes being dipped like a candle over and over. It makes a bigger effect.

[00:48:33] So during this time, when your break to do whatever you need for your body, like, listen, practice listening, what does it need? What would help it feel a little better? And if you’re not getting any particular guidance, I invite you to do a little movement and then maybe jot down in a journal what’s coming up for you because we’re still in the container of the class.

[00:48:53] It gives you a chance to dip in and kind of explore without having to like, Oh, everybody left. And now I’m stuck with these feelings.

[00:49:03] Yeah. Some people are, are, are making some big leaps, like, well, what if I start making choices based upon feeling better? And it turns out that it was a mistake. Um, I think you can hear and feel the trust there. Think about, like, if I feel 1% better, what’s a baby step that might yield some experience, but that matters to me.

[00:49:32] But in a very small way, this is an energy work. You only need the micro slice, the micro step, the baby step in order to get all the information that your intuition needs to give you about, like how to listen about it now. So think about that too. And yeah, I’m going to go ahead and pause the recording.

[00:49:57] Welcome back. This would be a good time as you settle in again for this next segment, check your grounding grounding for common confidence is a little different. Um, we’ll be talking more about that and then. Community center. If you haven’t visited us there, I’m writing now not center. So allowing your body to relax into gravity a little more.

[00:50:27] It’s a way of saying, Hey, gravity is here with me. It works with my body. Sometimes my body works against it, which is good for getting up off a chair sometimes. It’s okay for me to work with it a little bit more, allowing gravity to send a signal to the, your tissues. It’s okay. It’s okay. Okay. To relax just a little bit, you don’t have to fall on the floor.

[00:50:57] This is the practice, right? Like what’s a baby step relaxing, like, Oh, just a little bit of.

[00:51:08] Well, it’s like people had shared about anxiety being in their body. Like sometimes we have to just baby steps, remind it, train it, to feel something different. And there’s a lot of work we can do, but that just this grounding like light yourself for just a moment, feel more relaxed if you can, and then confidence presence, you guys have made it through an, through, uh, an hour together on this subject.

[00:51:32] This really puts you.

[00:51:37] It’s really makes you an exceptional person. I just want to say, um, the emotional world is rife with a lot of different energies and you’ve been with them. We’ve tapped on things like hopelessness. Maybe you’re not hopeless, but we’ve taken you there. That part of you that maybe has an inkling of hopelessness at times, we’ve touched on there, then you come back and you’re here.

[00:52:01] So thank you. And, um, we’re gonna. We’re going to do some tapping. Now we have a volunteer. Um, Eli, I think that’s how you pronounce your, is it Eli or Ella? Great. Um, and do you have a preference Eli for working with me or Kathy as the lead here, either one is great for us. Do you have a preference? Very good blood too.

[00:52:31] So if you would take a nice deep breath

[00:52:37] and what’s coming up for you around this, um, the thing that came up and has been coming up is like, my body is not safe. Um, I’ll, I’ll start to like when I listened to it and do what I think it wants, I’ll start to just like naturally lose weight and then feel really unsafe, like outside, especially. Like I feel somewhat okay.

[00:53:04] If I’m this weight and I wear like loose value clothing.

[00:53:10] All right. So let’s just, let’s just start with a little bit of tapping and we’ll see what comes up for you if that’s okay. And you’re welcome to change my words or tell me if it doesn’t fit for you. Okay. All right. Karate chop, even though I feel like I need to hide, even though I feel like I need to hide, I don’t want anyone to see my body as attractive.

[00:53:31] I don’t want men to see my body as attractive. I don’t feel like it’s safe. I don’t feel like it’s safe. I’d really like a better way to walk through the world. I’d really like a better way to walk through the world. Even though I’ve learned to hide my body, I’ve learned to hide my body because I don’t feel like my body is safe out in the world because I don’t feel like my body is safe out in the world.

[00:53:58] I’d really like to be. More vital and really like to be more vital and to be able to listen to my body and to be able to listen to my body without all this fear coming out without all this fear coming up top of the head, Hey, survival brain survival brain. I brought, you know, this is scary. You know, this is scary side of the eye.

[00:54:24] You have lots of evidence of lots of evidence under the eye. Thank you for trying to keep me safe. Thank you for trying to keep me safe under the nose. I like that. You want to keep me safe? I like that. You want to keep me safe, Tim, but I don’t really like the way you go about it. I don’t really like the way you go about it.

[00:54:47] Collarbone. I wish we could find a better way to do this. I wish we could find a better way to do this under the arm, and I want to feel safe again. And I want to feel safe again, top of head, even though I’m not sure how you know, I’m not sure how nice deep breath,

[00:55:09] what is coming up for you?

[00:55:14] Um, I mean, it feels true that like, I don’t know if there is a different way. Okay. When I do start to lose weight, I do get more attention. Okay. Karate chop. I’m not sure if there’s a different way. I’m not sure if there’s a different way. It might be trapped here. I might be trapped here when I lose weight, I get more attention.

[00:55:39] I lose weight. I get more attention. And my survival brain is very scared and my survival brain is very scared top of the head. I don’t want to have that attention. I don’t want to have any intention from them. I wrote my survival brain things. Any attention is scary. My survival brain things. Any attention is scary.

[00:56:02] Yeah. But honestly, there are some kinds that might be a little fun. Honestly, there are some kinds of, it might be a little fun under the, I know they’re not, no, they’re not under the nose. I’m just saying that to humor, Kathy. I’m just saying not to humor Kathy to the truth is no attention feels good. She says no attention or feels good collarbone.

[00:56:25] Cause my survival brain thinks it’s dangerous because my survival brain thinks that’s dangerous under the arm. And I’m not sure how my survival brain can see this any differently. I’m not sure how my survival brain can see this any differently. I may be stuck in this place. Gonna be stuck in this place forever.

[00:56:48] Okay. So just take a deep breath. It’s okay to say, like, we’re not creating this. I have people that are into, um, you know, like, okay. Like how our thoughts create the real reality. Those thoughts are all present in your survival brain, your subconscious right now. Anyway, we’re just naming them out loud and letting let’s see what’s coming up for you.

[00:57:06] When you say that, what do you notice? I feel pressure behind my eyes. Um, well, it’ll get dissociated, like all of those words land, but I feel kind of far away. Okay. Okay. Is it, does it feel like you’re stepping away? Cause this is scary to even talk about,

[00:57:30] it feels overwhelming to feel how scared I feel like being in your body and getting attention. Yeah. Yeah. Credit Chubb. I’m disassociating right now. I know because it feels so incredibly frightening because it feels so incredibly frightening. I don’t even want to feel how scared I am right now. I don’t ever want to feel how scared I am right now at the thought of getting attention, the thought of getting in touch.

[00:58:04] I really want to find a better way through this. I really want to find a better way through this. And the truth is I’m terrified out of my mind. And the truth is I’m terrified out of my mind, top of head. Thank you for just associating from this fear. Thank you for disassociating from the sphere I wrote, my body is really smart.

[00:58:30] Your body is really smart, tiny side of the eye telling me it’s too much. It’s telling me it’s too much. I’m with the eye. So all I have to do is take baby steps forward. So afternoon, so baby steps forward. And it was the very fact that I was sharing this out loud is huge. The very fact that I’m sharing so loud is huge.

[00:58:52] And I’m here sharing this and tapping I’m here sharing this and Tapis collarbone. And that might allow a little bit of a release and that might allow a little bit of release under the eye of the tree is I’m scared out of my mind. The truth is I’m scared of my mind. No, but that, but I’m still here taking this courageous step.

[00:59:14] I’m still here taking this courageous step and maybe it’ll make a little bit of a difference then maybe it’ll make a little bit of a difference. Take a nice, slow, deep breath.

[00:59:27] What are you noticing in your body?

[00:59:32] Um, fear. I was like, I wanted. You out of my body, that’s not safe. Okay. So can you just for a moment, and if other people are fear coming up, this is a really good practice. We are. So as humans, we’re afraid of fear. Fear is a sign often that something’s dangerous or wrong, survival wise, but is there anything actually dangerous in the room you’re in right now?

[00:59:58] Okay. So if you can let yourself just feel that fear for we’re just going to do it for a few seconds. Just feel that fear and let yourself look around the room and just let, imagine your survival brain is actually looking and notice. There are no tigers or lions in the room. If you can just look around no men, no tigers and the lions.

[01:00:21] I don’t think your cat a lion, his name is tiger. Yeah. Okay. Well, so there’s maybe a small tiger, not a dangerous one. Um, so, okay. And then you can just, you don’t have to hold on to it for very long, but just, just that little peak, you’re building up a muscle, um, that can really serve you in the long run really powerfully because we are afraid of fear.

[01:00:44] Like I want to run away from it too. And the more I can just like help my survival rate and see that’s afraid, but there’s not an actual danger. The more I can, like, I don’t have to be driven by that because we can be very different life here and we can just knee-jerk reaction to something else. Right.

[01:01:02] This moment you’re actually safe, but you’re feeling afraid. Which means often for we can, if we can help our survival brain distinguish between, okay, there is, we don’t want to shut off our survival brain ever, ever. It’s there for a good reason. People that wouldn’t, you know, have no connection to it, they die.

[01:01:20] So we’re not saying don’t ever put the fire alarm off, but let’s actually look and see if there’s a fire first. And as you do this work, I think what you’ll find is that there’s a lot more safety than you realize your brain. I want to see safety and it’s really scared, but if you keep tapping and keep calming the amygdala, the hippocampus down and letting your brain notice, Hey right, this minute, I’m actually safe and I can feel it for a few seconds.

[01:01:50] Then I’ll start building up that muscle there.

[01:01:56] How does your body feel right this minute?

[01:02:03] My head feels heavy.

[01:02:08] Um, like squeezing my so sleeve, thank you for role modeling. Like you brought tears are welcome here. I love that you role modeled this really, that you brought something that’s very intense for you. I imagine. And the fact that you’re willing to tap on that and share on that share with that is beautiful.

[01:02:29] Um, and I think it role models for a lot of people, this level of fear. Usually it takes time to work through, but each time you step in it and step out, you actually are making a difference. And one of the analogies Rick uses that I love the most is if you want, if you’re going flying from LA to New York and you want to go someplace different, all you have to do is change your trajectory one degree.

[01:02:54] So if you can bring that fear down from a, not from a 10 to a 9.9, you’re going to end up in a different place than you are right now. Does that make sense? I think it just increases every time I go outside. Okay. So it’s called kindling. There’s a thing where if you’re already very afraid, you can actually increase the fear can retraumatize yourself.

[01:03:20] So, um, that that’s beyond the scope of what we can go into right now, but there are ways like if you can do baby steps, so you’re not actually increasing it. You want to push yourself. Like, if you’re at the gym, you want to lift enough weight that you’re, you’re kind of building the muscle, but you don’t want to tear anything.

[01:03:37] And if your fear is increasing, it might be that you’re tearing things. You’re trying to push yourself really hard. So, um, yeah, I wish we had time to go deeper into that right now, but I don’t, we don’t have the bandwidth. Um, how so are you feeling relatively grounded right now? Can you pet your cat? What, what could you do to help yourself feel calm after stepping in?

[01:04:01] Yeah, I feel okay. And I can grab an animal. Okay. Good. I’m really glad that you have tiger there. Thank you so much, Ellie. I keep seeing your name wrong, cause I’m trying to say it right. Sorry. Oh yeah. Thank you so much for sharing

[01:04:23] some resources. Um, thank you very much, Eli. Um, Well, my end, the primitive brain, um, was extremely helpful for me, uh, in my own peer of men from that was based upon a drama in my teenage years to understand this more and more, Kathy touched on it, Bing now.com/brain as a presentation that Kathy structured.

[01:04:47] And it takes us into that. So that’s, that can be very helpful. Um, driving out back mom slash brain, um, the chat, and there’s a bunch of people saying, thank you. You, I don’t know if you’re watching the chat, but I know sometimes when I’ve done something that feels really scary, seeing other people appreciate you can help.

[01:05:08] And also, I want to acknowledge that, uh, since comma informs the approach that Kathy and I use, because our assumption is that you’ve all experienced big teas and little T traumas, and they impact us. Oftentimes we think about a change as changing our, our action. Like, Oh, I’m, I’m going to take my baby step is to start losing weight again.

[01:05:35] No, no, no. In the emotional work that we do it’s to, like Kathy said, like step into it and then like the practice of how are am I with my body? Um, and if I need to dissociate in order to go outside. Okay. But I’m aware of that. It’s like, that’s a huge step. Even just being aware of like what, what my body does when it’s in this world.

[01:06:03] Um, a lot of people try to deny like, Oh, it’s not so bad out there. Oh, that’s not my approach. No, it’s like, okay. If I tend to myself and my own energy, then I will be carrying myself. In my own home differently. Like when I come back home, I will feel more like I can quiet myself down. I’m not like in vigilance for the next time I have to go out or interact with someone.

[01:06:33] So like this is, and these things do build up in our body. Um, and that’s, that’s an aspect that we’re going to touch on. One of the real skills is, um, relieving pain and trauma, um, from ourselves and in our environment. Um, so we’ll be, we’ll be going deeper into that happy and I have a whole program on that.

[01:06:56] Um, if you just go to the free presentation, if it’s not a pitch for the program, it’s really good, solid information about the Prama. So, um, thank you all of you for teaching on these because as we become aware that, Hey, I’ve turned to a friend. I said, you know, Hey, it sounds like you’re pushing yourself, push myself.

[01:07:25] Don’t I? Yeah, no. What if you don’t have to push yourself? What if so, what if the energy work, the unwinding, the healing, the being healing of the trauma tapping is really good for that. It’s the best thing I know. And for some people there are other techniques that work even better for them, but for me in general, EFT tapping for nominal work.

[01:07:50] There’s this particular arc that we can go through on that. Trauma and our social conditioning is surround us everywhere. So, um, one of the, I taught I speak internationally on body image and body confidence. And one of the things we talk about is we’re bombarded with information. So one of the latest study says we’re getting every day, the average person is getting 3000 ads blasted to them, 3000 ads that are put in front of them pitches.

[01:08:21] Um, and there’s estimated that 300, 300 of them are negative just about body fat, about people being bigger. And I think there’s more passive ones in that too. We’re constantly shown on TV, the people that are funny and, uh, desired and, and intelligent and have their life going while they’re skinny, always they’re portrayed that way.

[01:08:44] And they’re slowly making a few changes that have ads. There’s few people, but they’re little drips in the sea of media that we’re swimming in. So I think it’s really important if you, you know, to get ongoing support around this, to be with people that are working on their body image and their, and their way of looking at it, because this whole role model it for us.

[01:09:04] Um, Rick has the thriving now circle, if that’s something that if you want some more, he does a great tapping open topics, um, as well as specific topics. But if that’s something, if you want to immerse yourself around with people that are much are working on their own body confidence and other things, that’s really great.

[01:09:21] And we also have a program on, um, yes, I screwed it up. I’ll I’ll retype that it should be the intimacy dojo.com forward slash body confidence. There’s a body confidence program. Rick and I made that. Um, we’re offering a coupon for 50% off right now for, for you because you’re here and being courageous and, um, putting up with me, putting the wrong link, Chad.

[01:09:46] So I will fix that right now. Um, I just think this is so much, I just think this is just such an important topic because we can never get away from our bodies. They’re always part of what we, how we interact with each other and anybody that wants love, connection, career success. We’re bringing our body along with us.

[01:10:13] We have, um, a little less than 10 minutes and we’ve, we’ve, we’ve touched on all of these, but I’d like to do two specific toppings, one on something that I’ve lost, you know, that appealing and honoring the, something has changed in your, in your body. And also then some of the noise, like what we were akin to.

[01:10:41] So I’d like to lead Kathy, the one on I’ve lost something and I’m grieving it. Okay. And we could do a weekend workshop on any of these subjects. So I do invite you to bring your wisdom and your questions to the thriving now.center. Um, continue this engagement together, even though this part of me has changed, even though this part of me has changed and that may be forever, and that may be forever.

[01:11:18] I’m grieving that. And I’m grieving that I can be angry about it, angry about it. I can be frustrated about it. I can be frustrated about it. I can be grieving about it again. Should we be grieving about it again? I can be sad and cry. I can be sad and cry. Maybe I don’t have to take it out on that part of me.

[01:11:42] Maybe I don’t have to take it out on that part of me.

[01:11:47] Well, part of me, I’m with this part of me every single day, every single day, every single moment, every single moment, it’s doing the best that it can. It’s doing the best that it can. I’m doing the best that I can. I’m doing the best that I can. We’re doing the best that we can. We’re doing the best that we can.

[01:12:17] It’s okay to grieve. It’s okay. To grieve. It’s okay. To accept what was okay to accept. It’s okay. To accept. And it’s okay. Also to take loving action and it’s okay to take loving action. Little bit by little bit, little bit by little bit with all the parts of me, all the parts of me. Putting the ones that I haven’t really liked to all that much.

[01:12:50] I haven’t really liked that much recently.

[01:12:56] Uh, yeah. And if you notice some anger, cause at one point I was like, no, I’m not doing enough. You know, it’s, it’s great to tap on that too, because I think most of us are doing the best we can every given moment. And we just think we’re not because we’re shutting in, comparing on it on ourselves. And I think that can bring us to the noise.

[01:13:14] So, um, If you’re having a lot of noise in your head about this, you know, about anything, realize that we are bombarded a lot. Our survival blank brain is kind of flooding us. Um, the analogy I use for old traumas, things we haven’t cleared is like each one is a TV station or a radio station blaring on a different channel.

[01:13:36] The more intense the trauma, the louder the TV is. And if you’ve ever been in a place where they sell TVs, where they have 50 TVs, all going in different times, like different channels, no wonder it’s noisy in our heads. Those are old traumas. Traumas are stored as present tense in our subconscious. They don’t realize it’s past until we tap on it and clear it, or we clear it in other ways.

[01:14:00] So if you having a lot of noise, we can do some tapping and invite those to be a little quiet or to invite the things that are really important to come to the surface. So let’s just karate champ, even though there’s a lot of noise in my head, Even though there is a lot of noise in my head. Sometimes all the sheds, all the ships, my task list, the things I want to do, the things I want to do.

[01:14:30] All these messages from my body, all these messages from my body and the requests from people around me and all the requests from people around me. No wonder it’s noisy in there.

[01:14:47] I’ve really liked some clarity and quiet. I really like some clarity and quiet top of the head. I can’t pay attention to all of this. Right? You can not pay attention to everything. I no wonder, I feel anxious and stressed. No wonder. I feel anxious and stressed side of the ice. Sometimes I just freeze and don’t do anything at all.

[01:15:12] Sometimes I freeze and don’t do anything at all. I’m the I, and then I feel more behind and then I fell more behind my body.

[01:15:30] Okay. I invite my system to slow down and quiet down.

[01:15:38] My system is slow down and quiet. Tim I’ve really liked to just be able to hear what’s most important for my wellbeing. I’d really like to hear what’s most important from my wellbeing collarbone. I invite the university, guide my attention, invite the universe, to guide my attention under the arm, to the thing that I can do, right.

[01:16:04] This minute thing that I can do that right. The up. Top of the head, they will do the best and most good for me and others. Good for me, just take a nice deep breath.

[01:16:24] One of the things I love, I forget who I first heard this from, but they would say I’d like this, or if there’s something I haven’t thought of, that’s even better. I’d like that as well. So, you know, something you can add in there too, like often we have plans and I have all this lists, but maybe it’s something that I hadn’t thought of.

[01:16:41] Maybe I just need to go sit in the back porch and watch the birds for five minutes as opposed to clean the living room, clean the kitchen, but the laundry on whatever. So that was, it’s just a moment of quiet and peace and it may not look like doing, but that can be really powerful and we’re trying to clear things and just enjoy life.

[01:17:07] It’s really normal. The dissociate from parts of our body that have been involved in Prama or pain. It’s really normal to create that disconnect. It’s a survival mechanism. It’s not a thriving mechanism. These real skills are about thriving. They’re about like, okay, I want to quiet the noise. And I want to bring something that matters to me as Kathy put into the tapping, what matters to me.

[01:17:36] And if this matters to you, like you’d like to live in a world that was a little more kind. Then the next time you walk outside, or even just from your bedroom to the toilet, if you can take your friend, your ankle, your, your belly, your brain, whatever part of you, that’s had a rough year or decade or in life.

[01:18:07] Put your arm around them. You know, if they, Hey, we can go at whatever pace, pace isn’t important here. We’re just together. The pace is not important. We’re together.

[01:18:27] When we do that, when you do that, if I, if you choose to, you’ll notice some things about how alive and loving the parts of you that are suffering, even their attitude towards you is different. It can be resentment built up in their tissues, but there’s still a willingness, a willingness to be in this relationship, build death, do us part, and hopefully with some moments of real kindness and love and connection to.

[01:19:02] Happy and are I share any of my old box@supportivethrivingnow.com. You can reach me personally at Rick, a thriving out kathy@theintimacydojo.com. Driving. Now that center is a place for our community to go into the exploration in the shared wisdom. Non-participation has become something that, you know, we’ve gotten used to.

[01:19:29] We become observers. Um, I know that your wisdom matters because what you shared in the chat has impacted me and changed the course of this workshop. And if we continue this, then we’ll really we’ll change the world, emotional world for ourselves and the people that we hold dear. Beautiful going out, Laurel.

[01:19:55] Thank you all for your courage and for being here. And I hope this serves you, be gentle with yourself. Get something to drink and we’ll hope to see you soon. Thank you.

We covered…

The three common ways we can end up not linking our body (or part of it) and did a lot of tapping.

Resources Mentioned

  1. Trauma and the Primitive Brain

  2. Body Confidence Coaching Program – Coupon Skill to get 50% off

  3. Thriving Now Emotional Freedom Circle

Great to have you on this journey with us!

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It is me. When I said at the end of the call that I’ve been working hard on myself and it does work, I said it to inspire those who weren’t liking their bodies. I almost raised my hand to encourage but it just didn’t feel like the right time. It was an excellent workshop.

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So appreciate your encouragement to the community (and to me), Jean! Thank you! Great being on this journey with beings like yourself who have indeed worked hard and reaped benefits from those developed skills. Hugs!

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thanks Rick and Cathy, love this call, I noticed the energy of debt and body seem really similiar to me - love it that you mentioned body plus mind plus universe can be a team to solve body (or at least acceptance) (and hopefully prosperity) issues

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i think for me it boils down to its the EFT (etc) to clear the memes that “i dont even like my body” or bank account etc. Because if someone finds fault in my body and bank account, then me at personal peace (getting there bit by bit) on these issues will have no attraction or aversion to their response. And i hope wont keep looking at others for validation or security about both body and prosperity - being eventually at total
personal peace

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I aspire to that, too. In the meantime, every itsy bit more CALM and CONFIDENT means my resilience is stronger, and my Identity is deeply rooted in what matters rather than external demands and cultural/marketing manipulations.

That feels SO much better! Thanks for listening and tapping along, and especially for this sharing, @Andrew ! :peace_symbol:

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@Rick this has been really helpful. Thank you :smiley:

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