Humans get stopped. We get stopped for many reasons. Getting angry at ourselves for “not doing what matters” is… rarely helpful.
Cathy and I know that any work we’ve put in developing emotional real skills has been a prerequisite for making a difference in the lives of others while also living a life we feel we’re crafting.
So in this next workshop, we’d like to engage with you. We’re going to be exploring three aspects of what stops us:
Misconceptions - like it “should” be easy
Fresh Fears - including uncertainty in the world and our communities
The Activation Energy Required - which we all require! And how to drop in, tune to, and engage with what matters to you!
We hope you’ll join us! Sign up for this Real Skills Workshop we are holding on July 27th. (Yes, you’ll also get the recording.)
If you CAN support the workshop with a payment of $7.11+ thank you – your financial support matters so much!
If you can’t, well… by all means join us for free, as our honored guest. We know your heartistry matters!
I used to believe that if I was smart, skilled, and wanted to do something… it should be easy.
Easy to get started.
Easy to complete.
Easy to be successful.
But so many worthy things are not easy. Does it mean… I’m not smart? Or not skilled? Or a failure?
What about you? Do you live with the magical misconception that it should be easier than it is?
Magical misconceptions are one of the things that stop us. Confronted with reality that doesn’t match our operating concept of how life (and effort) “should be” we – avoid, freeze, stop, let go, give up.
This is sooooo sad!
I believe you have heartistry to offer to the world, to your community, and to those you hold dear – including yourself. Magical misconceptions are something we can pick up from spiritual teachings, from parents and teachers, or just make up the story about how it SHOULD be ourselves!
Part of the benefit of the real skill of being able to calm and confidence yourself is that accepting an unwanted reality becomes… something we do – like washing our hands. Once accepted, we stop being stopped. Our energy can now look for what is more empowering – concepts to help us thrive!
In this workshop tomorrow, Tuesday Jul 27, Cathy and I will touch on magical misconceptions as one of the ways we get stopped. We’ll help you clear one or two!
We’re also going to engage with Fresh Fears, and not just the obvious ones. When we’re engaging in ways that matter to our heart, we WILL come across fresh things to fear. The real skill to manage that fear and re-establish calm and confidence is core to our growth and contribution.
We so hope you’ll join us… live if you can at 830pm EDT… and if not, treat the replay “just like you were there with us.”
The easiest thing is to react. The second easiest thing is to respond. But the hardest thing is to initiate. ~ Seth Godin
This was a potent exploration of the Magical Misconceptions, Fresh Fears, and Baby Steps combined with Calming and Confidencing… hope you’ll listen and tap along.
We welcome your insights, ah-ha’s, and sharing. Please! Click [Reply]
Click for Computer Generated Transcript
What stops you from expressing yourself? Let’s Clear That!
Welcome to this real skills workshop help you be calm and confident. What stops you from expressing yourself? And let’s do that together. I’m Rick from thriving. Now I’m here with Kathy from thriving now and the intimacy dojo. Um, not the, do you sense that there were some things that you needed to clear in order to like show up for all like this?
[00:00:33] Um, yeah, it’s been an ongoing process. I’m naturally really, really shy. And I think Rick and I did our first call together, like 14 years ago or something like that. And I had those long legal paths. Um, it was an hour and a half call and I had 16 pages fill from top to bottom with notes. And I was so nervous.
[00:00:54] I took a Xanax before and you can hear, I listened to it the other day. You can tell I’m scared out of my mind and now it’s like, Hey Rick, we’re doing this topic. We have a few bullet points. Also practiced a lot, but yeah, expressive and letting yourself share with other people. This is a scary thing for a lot, for our survival brain.
[00:01:15] He wants to hide in the bushes. It doesn’t want us to show too much because then people learn where our soft underbellies are, where they can hurt us and they might judge us and they might try to hurt us, or they might, whatever, they might think less of us. There’s all these fears behind. Um, and I think, I think, especially after COVID I got rusty and we’re going to talk a little bit more about that.
[00:01:36] But a lot of the sheds I had about expressing myself, I noticed them really clearly because I was much, it was much easier for me to do some things before COVID than it was after, because I got really rusty about doing like, I hadn’t practiced in a while. So I think this is a great topic, um, because one of the gifts that.
[00:01:58] Being shut down and like kind of having that still point. And then coming back, we get to see things in a different way and very rarely in our lives. Do we have a chance to kind of reset and just look at things? So if we can come back now and see more clearly where we have patterns, um, just because we’ve had that quiet time and now we’re S many of us are starting to connect with people again.
[00:02:23] Um, it’s a gift in that we can look at it, new and clear those things. So we’re not carrying them around for the rest of our lives. So if you’re here tonight, please congratulate yourself. You’re giving yourself the opportunity to clear things that you might not have ever looked at this clearly before. So I just want to honor you for your, your courage and your dedication to living a better life.
[00:02:52] Um, One of my visions around emotional freedom for myself and for all is that creativity is an option that we feel like we can embrace, that we learn the skills that allow us to discern kind of what’s going on inside of me. As I relate to me, my thoughts, my energy, where I am, my desires, yearnings, um, promise and other things, and to be able to express ourselves, I call that artistry.
[00:03:31] I’m not the first to call it that I can’t remember where even read it. That’s one of the beautiful things about language is that week it can spread. And so when I think about expressing ourselves, um, We we get in places and we have, and I have touched on this. If you didn’t see our workshop around subconscious blocks, that’s available to you.
[00:03:56] If you didn’t see the one about being stalled, which is a little different from being blocked or stuck, that’s another really good workshop. And they’re available to firstname.lastname@example.org. And tonight what we’re going to be touching on are a little, a little bit of twists things that, um, people like that, that pay a lot of attention to expression and helping others express themselves, because that’s what I want it’s to help others express themselves, whatever that authentically looks like for you.
[00:04:37] So if you were on the call earlier, Kathy invited you to think about an area of your life could be art, love, um, expressions in business or service, um, to be in your physical body, as an expressive presence in the world, um, or in your home, whatever it is that you’d like to express yourself more around to tune into one thing, because one of the things we’ve learned as emotional freedom coaches is that if you take the one thing, maybe it’s not even the biggest thing, but you take one thing.
[00:05:15] There’s like a holographic aspect of that, that spreads out and touches the other things that you want to do as well. And so, um, yeah, we’re, we’re going to be engaging together around three different aspects here. Is it okay if I introduce them just briefly? Or would you like to just go 1, 2, 3, I’m finding if you introduced them, but I want to, I’d like to add one more.
[00:05:42] Like, I think that if we understand why we need to do something, it lets us remember it better. And I, I believe that anyone that’s attracted to the thriving now group and Rick and I, you want to have a really fulfilling life. You want to have richness and connection and experiences that really matter to you.
[00:06:02] And when we’re not expressing ourselves, it’s very, very hard to have that kind of life. We certainly can have boundaries. We don’t have to express ourselves to everyone. And we can, we can say no at times, but for a very, very long time, I was terrified of other human. And I wouldn’t express myself. There was nothing for people to connect to and people were not, I didn’t, I wasn’t registering to people.
[00:06:25] There was nothing for them to remember. And I’ve always felt like kind of disconnected and bored and lonely at the same time. And as I started taking risks and expressing myself more people could connect with me and that gave them permission to share a little bit back with me. And there started to be a richness in when I would, when I would connect with people or when I let myself draw or do something where I really let myself out rather than pretending and try and do it all with my head.
[00:06:55] Um, there was, there was definitely a, a liveliness to what I was doing. And I think when we can express ourselves, whether we’re just by ourselves or with other people in different situations, we get a richness and a joy that makes life really worth living. So, you know, it’s, it’s easy to say I’ll do it tomorrow.
[00:07:15] I used to do that all the time, and then it was like 33 and I hadn’t done it yet. Um, and I wondered what was wrong with me and I was just not sharing myself. I wasn’t opening up and we want to help you break down those fears in a really healthy way. So you’re still respecting your boundaries. We’re not expecting you to like run naked down main street or anything like that.
[00:07:34] We’re not, we want you to find your own balance, but to open up a little more where it’s safe and it feels good so that you can, you can have that richness in your life. So, Ricky, yeah, I just wanted to just add that in.
[00:07:52] So we’re going to be exploring some what I call magical misconceptions, and we’re also going to be touching them. Fresh beers, fresh beers. And most of us that have done a lot of trauma work and things where we’ve, we’re, we’re aware of the landscape of fears that kind of are typical for us. Um, rush fears, especially for, for expression are things that the more we’re expressing ourselves, I believe that we run into fresh fears, like, oh, I’ve never posted a video before.
[00:08:31] Oh, the day after I post the video, I see a comment on somebody else’s video, who I really like that’s really mean. And now my body’s reacting. And so that’s, that’s an example. Um, and then we’re going to go into the clearing activating and being, I’m going to use the term being a bit more of a pro um, I believe that, um, we expect the person we’re going to professionally to have prepared themselves to do their professional work.
[00:09:14] And if your self-expression matters to you, I want you to be aware and to have some tools for how to drop in and tune to and engage with something that matters to you. Not as well, it will happen someday, but as something that you’re aware of that requires some energy for me to be here, required energy, uh, preparation, um, mental, physical, I’ve been up since four o’clock.
[00:09:47] And so for me to drop in and be here in an, in a, in a reasonably centered, robust way, required energy. Which leads me to the first magical misconception that I had, which was this should be easy. Did you see anyone else? I have an idea in their mind that if you’re good at something or want to be good at it, if you really like it, if it means something to you, if you’ve been practicing it for a while, that it should be really easy to just like, go from work to writing your book or go from tending to a child or writing an email or updating a website to going and doing a county.
[00:10:45] Or even just emptying the dishwasher. Well, the analogy like there’s, someone’s sending her on Facebook, that people are watching the Olympics and there’s a lot of people that are watching and they’re like, I could do that. Cause they make it look really easy. There are so prepared. It looks easy in the, so that somebody was saying, we should include a normal human in each of those to kind of give us like a contrast, like someone who’s never skated before with the, with the roller Derby or whatever.
[00:11:12] And it’s like, they’re whizzing around and they see this person falling. They’re like, I’m okay. Um, and I do think that we compare our insides are messy in science, which are, we have our doubts and our confusions and our distractions to other, I see other people doing it easily. It looks easy from the outside.
[00:11:30] I don’t see all the work. They went through the prep they went through. So I tell myself, I should feel the way that person looks to me. And then I don’t. And then I go, oh, nevermind. I’m not good enough. So a magical misconception is usually where we think this is my definition. Um, we look at the world and we think it should be different.
[00:11:57] We look at ourselves and we think that it should be different, but it’s, it’s actually magical thinking. And I don’t necessarily mean in this psychological sense, but there’s a quality of not really being grounded in reality, like you said, we, we can, we can hear something that really sounds good to us.
[00:12:24] Feels good to our body. We get a lot of yes. About it. Let’s say it’s a spiritual thing. Um, that if I am in vibrational alignment with what I want, that it will just show up and. I’ve had people spending all of their time and energy sitting on the couch, aligning themselves vibrationally for $10 million to fly through there.
[00:12:55] They’re not even opening a window. It would have had to come down the chimney. Now that sounds really obvious to most people that like, oh, that’s not really realistic, but we do this to ourselves. We will be tired. And we’ll expect that we’ll be able to still finish five things on the to-do list. And that we’ll be able to, to write with the same clarity that we did two weeks ago, we get this notion.
[00:13:35] Uh, it really should be different than it is. And this is one of the reasons why I really was attracted to tapping is that as an, as an optimist, my nature is to believe in the positive. I love miracles and recognize that like with tapping, there was a group of people, including the FA you know, the founder of EFT that were putting a lot of energy into the one minute miracle.
[00:14:05] Cool. And the media, that’s a magical misperception. I believe that sometimes things happen and they appear on the surface to be like the Olympian to be easy and right. And we don’t always see all the preparations that went into. And this can be a bit of a, ah, damn, really. It’s not that there’s not this magical world where everything just comes into alignment and happens.
[00:14:40] Um, that it’s meant to be easy. I think it’s meant to not be suffering. I don’t think, I think that suffering is something that we can, um, we can thrive while doing are things that take our energy, you know, it, it, and, and that’s, I, I think that one of the things that I notice for her, our community is that a lot of people that I see such intense possibilities from have gotten into this sort of like, um, it’s a place where there isn’t that dropping in.
[00:15:26] And going deeper and engaging with and using the life force that we have and a lot of what can stop that is, and maybe I’m just talking to myself and for myself, but I will, I’ll sit down with a to-do item to write you all in newsletter to announce it. And last week it was a lot easier because I really have exposed more like what magical misconception I have.
[00:16:00] Oh, well, I, um, I know how to do this. Let’s go. I have, I should word, you know, let’s sit down at the computer and start writing as if there’s nothing else that I, I need to do that is helpful to do that. And then when that doesn’t happen, I am more likely to bounce off it, but something like Facebook, that’s one of our signs.
[00:16:31] When we sit down to do something and there’s a part of us that feels it should be different than it, than it is. And we bounce that’s to me, one of those indicators, good. And a bounce that you, you may have a magical misconception about how life is, um, or how the work is done or how to tune your body.
[00:16:57] Does this make any sense? Anyway, I’d love to hear it. The chat is open. Kathy is monitoring it while I’m hearing that. I think that there’s also a factor in that for a lot of them, it was like I was shyer. My family was not, they weren’t great role models about being expressed and being real. It was a very much about pretending and image.
[00:17:18] Um, and I had friends that kind of, I’ve made friends now that had grown up in families where they role model the self-acceptance and expression. So they’ve been practicing all that time and it probably is easier for them. Like when I first started doing this work, it was so hard. I think some of you may have heard the story.
[00:17:37] The first time I ran a cuddle party, I was in the fetal position on my bed crying hysterically for 12 hours. Rick had to talk me down. There were five of us at the cuddle party. It was, I was one of them. It wasn’t this huge thing, but it was terrifying to me. And now it doesn’t take much effort, but like when we’re starting to do something new.
[00:17:59] If we’re comparing ourselves to other people, it’s really easy. Like I should be that good. I should be, I shouldn’t be, it should be as easy for me as it is for them. And I think of, Rick’s been sharing a lot of pictures of his daughter, a Dera in the newsletter. And I see her like trying to get, she’s just learned to climb stairs and it’s so adorable.
[00:18:18] Like it just, my heart just melts, but like it’s a lot, it takes her five minutes and she’s got starts and stops. And if she told herself, she sat there and she saw her brother run up the stairs and she said, oh, I’ve got it. It’s gotta be that easy. Or there’s something wrong with me, which is something I tell myself a lot.
[00:18:36] She might stop trying. And then she’s never going to get good at coming up the stairs. So with self-expression and different areas of our lives, we’re better or worse at it. And it’s okay. There’s not a should about it. Can we do a little tapping on that? If you leave, I’d love to. So I invite you just let yourself feel.
[00:18:55] This can be a really intense topic because us expressing ourselves as letting who we really are out in the world and that’s tender vulnerable. It can be really, you know, like, oh, so just be gentle about it. Karate child, even though I should on myself a lot, even though I shit on myself a lot, I should find this easier.
[00:19:18] I should find this easier. I don’t know why I’m struggling. I don’t know why I’m struggling. It looks really easy for all of them. It looks so easy for all of them. I think I’m a failure. A part of me thinks I’m a failure. I should just give up. I should just give up. Maybe it’ll be easier tomorrow. Maybe it’ll be easy.
[00:19:42] Maybe it’ll be easier to, what if I just took a baby step right now? What if I just took a baby step right now? I really should on myself that this should be easier. I really should on myself, but this should be easier. What if it’s just a process right now? What if it’s just a process right now in the top of the head?
[00:20:05] I want this to be easier. Yeah. I want this to be easier. It would be good for my ego. If this were easier, it would be good for my ego. If this was easier, my survival brain would feel much happier. If this was easier, my survival brain would feel much happier if this was easy. Cause then it would think I’m really competent.
[00:20:30] And I would just think I’m really competent and it wouldn’t be scared that we’re going to die alone. And then we wouldn’t be scared that we’re going to die alone. It’s okay. Survival brain it’s okay. Survival brain. This was hard for people. Sometimes this is hard for people including me sometimes. And some of them practice a whole lot more than I have.
[00:20:54] And some of them were practiced a lot more than I know. What if they just let me myself take baby steps down this road? What if I let myself take baby steps down this road and discovered how good I can actually be and discovered how good I should actually be. Let’s take a nice deep breath
[00:21:21] invite you to, after you do a tapping around, what’s coming up for you. In this process of clearing, um, wearing to me means that the noise and the resistance and, uh, oh, it should be different, which is a kind of, um, lock that those physiologically mentally or lowering down and energy, the intensity, the, the energies can go someplace else.
[00:21:59] And one of the misconceptions that a lot of people have is that, um, that your body is going to be ignored. I had that misconception for the first 30 years of my life that I could just think my way. So being calm and confident is a physio, emotional thing that we do. And we. We call them ourselves. And one of the key practices can be letting yourself feel the relationship you have with gravity.
[00:22:37] Gravity is always willing to calm you a bit. If you take whatever muscle tension you have and you relax this much, you’ll notice that your jaw hangs a little differently. And if your jaw hangs a little differently, your primitive brain is now able to float a little differently.
[00:23:07] And then your Vegas nerve is like, oh, okay. Just starts sending a different kind of energetic pattern, nervous system pattern. If you imagine your adrenals, your kidneys. Gravity, just letting them relax just a little bit so that they’re more buoyant than pulled out your hips. The same thing misconception.
[00:23:37] I don’t have to do it. I should. My body should just know. Yeah, no. Um, we live, we sit in front of computers and talk via zoom, sitting in an office chair or on our bed and whatever our body could use, some support shifting. And so the calming process, again, letting that when you have a magical misconception, it really depletes your confidence and confidence is the action of if.
[00:24:13] We put it, I’m putting a label of confidence and competence in yourself. Um, it’s the energy that is available to you to express. So if you think about expression, I’m expressing with my, my words, but I’m also expressing with my physiology. I’m expressing with my hands. My heart is now like feeling this movement.
[00:24:37] And you’ll notice that just a little bit of extra attending to that. I’m more present more and with you all too. So, um, that’s a core, I think magical misconception for most Western humans is that I can think my way into action and an expression where it is a physio, emotional, mental, um, with the physio, emotional being really cool.
[00:25:11] Yep. Okay. Um, someone shared in the chat about, they feel like, uh, they have magical Maskwacis conceptions, or you’re talking about that in small ways. Like I’m going to get through the store, um, get through line really quickly. I’m going to the red light. They’ll have no red lights. I think that we do that.
[00:25:29] Like, we do that to ourselves. Like if I was a really good person or very organized or whatever, I wouldn’t have these, like, things wouldn’t happen to like slow me down. I looked at this, do a little tapping on that if that’s okay. Karate chop. If I was a really good person, none of this would happen. If I was a really good person who had my myself to get my shit together, this wouldn’t happen.
[00:25:56] I would have. I would have, I would have no delays. Everything. That’d be perfectly organized. Everything would be perfectly organized. I would get there in the shortest time indicated by Google maps. Yes, I would get there in the shortest time indicated by Google maps, even a few minutes early, even a few minutes early, everything will be super smooth
[00:26:24] and everything should be super smooth, but things don’t always work that way. Not always work that way. And I take it as evidence that I’m not a good person. I take it as evidence. I’m not a good person doing good work. I do that to myself. I do do that to myself. I’m worried that I’m not a good person. I’m worried I’m not a good person doing good work.
[00:26:51] And I worry all the time for other evidence that I’m good or bad. And a part of me is always looking for evidence of whether I’m good or bad. If the scale went down two pounds, I’m a good person today. I’m a good person, no red lights. I did good work today. Uh, no red lights, green lights magically just for me.
[00:27:18] I should on myself a lot. Yeah. I have a tendency to shut on myself and I judge myself based on things that have no relation to my worth. And I judge myself based on things that have no relation to my actual work. They choose to take a deep breath and just notice where you might’ve gotten that. So I know where I got mine from my mom.
[00:27:47] Like she, she had trouble with us being in pain or unhappy. She could, she didn’t want anyone to be unhappy. So I still remember I was walking one day and I stubbed my toes. I had socks on, but I stubbed my toes. It was like, oh, I think it was like four or five. And she’s like, you would have slippers on that.
[00:28:03] Wouldn’t have happened. And I took that as I should have been more prepared, I should have done something better. And then this bad thing wouldn’t happen. And there were lots of little feedback things for me, but if you can start dismantling them and realize that, yeah, we can be prepared in some ways, like, you know, going 50 miles an hour and a 20 mile an hour zone.
[00:28:22] You’re probably going to get a ticket at some point. But you know, like some things you can, you don’t have to like create bad things for yourself and life is going to happen. Sometimes some days I hit every red light right in there, the longest lights forever. But that doesn’t mean I’m a bad person that day who knows what the universe is trying to have me do.
[00:28:45] And it was mentioned about like, um, we can should on ourselves. We also should on others and we should go to on reality. So again, like
[00:29:02] it’s called thriving now, and I’m really grateful that the now is there for me, it’s been a constant reminder for almost 20 years, that if I want to be thriving, now what’s involved. And if I’m shooting on reality and if I’m shooting on other people that are part of reality, I am definitely not thriving.
[00:29:35] That is just really clear in my experience. I’m not present with what is, I’m not feeling resourceful, I’m just shooting. And we do we’re, we’re, we’re, uh, a judge mental species. It’s a super power of ours, I think more than, than any other animal that I can imagine, even in my fantasy. Um, we’re a very judgmental species and it’s gotten us as far and I for survival.
[00:30:06] Um, that’s one thing, but if we’re really wanting to be thriving now, including NRX, it’s something that I tap on when I start building on reality because the essence of EFT tapping is. Accepting, what is, even if it’s an unwanted reality and I’d like to do a tapping there, and if you’re new to tapping and you’ve been following along and you’re like, what are these people doing?
[00:30:40] Driving now? Dot com slash tapping is our pre tapping guide, which will teach you enough about tapping and why we do it and why it’s helpful for many people. Yeah. All right. Even though there’s this unwanted reality, even though there’s this one in reality, they should be different. They should be different.
[00:31:04] That situation should be different. The situation should be different world should be different. The world should be different. Wow. That really takes me out of. Yeah, reflect for a moment when you’re, when you, if this is a pattern for you, what does it do to your body mind when you’re getting out there and not accepting the reality?
[00:31:29] It really takes me out of reality.
[00:31:34] It takes away my power.
[00:31:40] I feel less creative, more suppressed. I feel less free or suppress, less free. And it takes me out of the present. What if I accepted this unwanted reality as reality? What if I accepted this unwanted reality as reality? Oh, this is taking more time. This is taking more time. Oh, the space isn’t as kind as I’d hope the space is not as kind as I hope or safe, whereas safe under the eye.
[00:32:19] Oh, this takes more effort. This takes more effort. Oh, I need to learn the two myself. I do need to learn to tune myself when I’m tired and grumpy. Even when I’m tired and grumpy.
[00:32:35] What if I accepted? What if I accepted that would, that free up my ability to adapt? Would that free up my ability to adapt? Curious if I could adapt if I accepted more and should it last, I wonder if I can adapt if I shouldn’t. Oh shit.
[00:33:02] My shutter wants to should know.
[00:33:10] Like that. Um, cause I think that that’s like when my mom blaming me for not wearing slippers and stubbing my toe, she she’d have to be connected with what I was feeling. And I think that we do that too. Like I was brought up like, oh, those poor people that are really poor, even though we were really poor.
[00:33:26] But the other people that were really poor, just didn’t work very hard. They were lazy. Or, um, if I had had a cold, I should have taken more vitamin C, it just takes us away from the reality of what’s there. And it lets us disconnect and blame rather than, well, maybe there’s something wrong in our society or maybe people get sick sometimes it’s like we can, you know, I think it’s a way to distance.
[00:33:48] And um, that’s part of, part of being here is about being connected with people and with what reality, that doesn’t mean we have to be best friends with everybody, but when we’re pretending something isn’t real, then it’s not very alive.
[00:34:07] Even though a part of me finds, accepting.
[00:34:14] I missed it, even though part of me finds it difficult to accept reality, even though part of me finds it difficult to accept reality, I really want to express myself. I really want to express myself tired of bouncing off. I’m tired of bouncing off
[00:34:33] and I’m open to letting go of some of these magical misconceptions and it opened to letting go of some of these magical misconceptions. I’m curious what will take their place. I’m curious, what will take their place? Eyebrow? What if I’m more grounded? April ball ground is incapable right of the eye. If I’m not expecting reality to bend or what I want, if I’m not expecting reality to bend to what I want.
[00:35:03] Under the highest. Sometimes I’m more tired than I should be more tired than I should be. What if I accepted that? I’m just tired of this. I just accepted I’m tired and work with that and worked with that. Make that part of my energy palette, make that part of my energy palette. The day we will be painting with tired painted.
[00:35:37] I wonder what colors are tired colors for me today. I wonder why fellers are tired colors for me today.
[00:35:48] I’ve never thought of tired colors and I’m just going to acknowledge that that tapping on it, um, has opened. For me, it’s something that feels creative. It’s like, oh, today I will be painting with tired colors. My words, my energy won’t be the same. That what if that, if I’ve accepted the reality that I was up tending to the baby at four o’clock, she had a lovely nap in my arm for two hours, you know, with my arm falling asleep, totally trapped nap, the last half hour having to pee so bad, you know, I was not going to wake her up, you know, and then then an hour or so, uh, two hours of feeding her and, and being with her so that mom could sleep.
[00:36:45] Um, if I was like old Rick in a magical misconception that she should sleep through the night that I would be able to do with less sleep. That I should, um, bop, bop, bop. And he has, can you see how those, like, stack magical misconceptions tend to collect a crowd? When we, when we take any one of those and we tap on it and we give ourselves the possibility of being curious, open to how we might adapt.
[00:37:28] Today, I use my energy in a different way. It was a different palette. And one of the things I know is that co-creating for me is there’s a, an opportunity for me to pause and collect myself while Kathy is carrying the energy. Now, if I should be able to do all of this by myself, which is another magical misconception, I believe.
[00:38:00] Um, and you, you don’t tract and cultivate and develop with others, a synergy, a way of being with each other. Um, Yeah. So yeah, this is, I love that. We’ve talked a lot about the, the old, these are things that a lot of us have had our whole lives, these old magical misconceptions. They are often like a fish in water.
[00:38:27] Like we just they’re around us all the time. It’s hard to see them because they’re, they are. And when we, you know, the more we can make them conscious, the more control we have while they’re unconscious or subconscious, they can drive us. We’re already feeling the way we feel. We’ve already told ourselves the things we’re already acting the way we act because of them.
[00:38:48] And if we start making them conscious, we can catch them before they push the button on the elevator. So to speak, that takes us to the despair floor or the I’m not good enough floor, so we can grab their little hands and say, I get that. You’re trying to help me. And that’s not where I want to go. Maybe I actually deserve to go to the happy floor or this may be hard, but I get to try it anyway floor.
[00:39:11] Um, and so you don’t have to be mean to this part of you. It’s not trying to hurt you. Um, it’s really doing, it’s been programmed from infancy to do this. Um, but you’re being here today and looking at it, it takes courage. This is hard, not in a, I am a superhero jumping over buildings kind of courage way, but the, wow, there’s a lot of resistance and I feel tired and I really have other things to do.
[00:39:36] Like look at the Facebook cats. They haven’t seen that. I haven’t seen them in a half an hour. Um, there’s a lot of distractions. Like, I don’t know how many people have tried to put two north magnets together. It’s like the closer you get, the harder it is making this conscious can feel that way. There’s a resistance and a drag.
[00:39:54] And the closer you get to getting that, that consciousness, the heavier it can feel. So if you’re feeling a little heavy, looking at this stuff, realize, please, your sugar is like, I don’t want you to see me. I’m throwing up a big old smoke screen right now. And you’re going to feel so tired and resistant that you’ll go away.
[00:40:12] And as opposed to like, wow, I’m feeling a little tired and resistant and I can still look anyway. And as we start getting comfortable with that uncomfortable feeling, we get used to it in a way we start seeing those things that are driving us much more quickly and easily. We can build up a muscle to seeing them better and to not letting the, oh, this feels heavy, I’m going to run away feeling it.
[00:40:36] It’s like, it feels heavy. And I felt happy before. And you know, sometimes it means I need to take a break, but this heaviness kind of feels like resistance. So what if I just sat with it for a minute or two? What if I just was with it. And one of the things I encourage you to do is don’t tell your brain, your don’t tell yourself I’m going to sit with it till it gets too uncomfortable, because the part of you that doesn’t want you to look at it, it will amp up that uncomfortableness really fast.
[00:41:04] Just say, I’m going to sit with it and read for maybe two minutes, like set a time and you can increase the time a little bit over time over as you practice. But if you tell yourself I’m going to sit here until I can’t stand it anymore, your brain will make sure you cannot stand it right away. Cause those Facebook cats are much more fun than looking at these magical misconceptions.
[00:41:22] So, um, should we talk a little bit more about the, the, the fresh fears that are coming up for a lot of people? Yeah. And, and also one of the workshops that we did, the powerful pause, um, another really useful one for this, um, fresh beers. And we’re going to be taking a break here, um, and you know, Eight minutes or so.
[00:41:47] Um, so I, I find it really helpful to sometimes add an adjective to help me discern. So discernment was one of the first thing that I had to learn about my emotions. Like what’s the difference between, um, a fear that’s really sensible. Like, yeah, don’t walk too close to a cliff where the rocks are falling off of it.
[00:42:19] And, um, on induced fear, um, based upon like something that happened to me that created a powerful association, um, So we’re exploring the idea that, oh, fresh fear. If you’re expressing yourself, one of the things that you will notice, especially if you’re expressing yourself in a way that’s fresh new. Um, and that can be just, you’re returning to starting to do that after an isolated.
[00:42:51] Oh yeah. Um, so the fresh beer is I believe that a fresh beer is something that our, our, our brain, our primitive brain, um, and the rest of us too has picked up is, is new and could be a threat. And there probably, I trust that there is something in it, which is red light and, um, So
[00:43:35] one of the things that are fresh fear is going to, I think, going to, um, look like is a bit like, I don’t know what to do with us. Um, it may be that your default of just running and avoiding is just so active that anytime you hit a fresh gear, you, you go and you just avoid it. Um, that’s okay. I was there for a long time, but this, one of the things that, and if I’m having difficulty articulating it, I’m going to pause.
[00:44:21] So you get an idea of something that matters to you. And you start putting energy into it and something rises and it’s a fear and
[00:44:40] you sort of, the energy of it is I don’t know what to do with us. Does that make sense? Yeah, it can be, feel really overwhelming. And a lot of us don’t overwhelming and freezing or, or just like, um, disorienting. And I know there’s been times in my life where I ran my life by trying to avoid fear. So if I felt any fear, I would turn around and go the opposite direction, like kind of a Roomba oh, fear.
[00:45:12] Okay. Fear. And I would just like, kind of like bump into things and runaway and never really examine what I was afraid of or what was going on. So I was really ruled by that. And I think just like a little kid or dog or cat, like I, the other night I went to a friend’s house for dinner and her dog found out that I was a sucker for giving my dinner to the dog.
[00:45:33] So like the dog kept every time his parents weren’t looking at him, he would run over to me and I would give him a little more chicken. So our brain, I, they, I, they kind of told me I could, they eventually cut me off. But, um, it was, I wasn’t mean bad, bad guest. I was being a sort of bad guest, but, um, the, the thing that happened was the dog really associated me with food.
[00:45:55] Like, oh, run over there and get it. When our, if we always run away from food. Our survival brain, which is often very fear-based. Especially if we haven’t reprogrammed, it will bring up fear whenever it doesn’t want to do something, even if it’s not actually that scary. And there’s other things that can happen when you get kindling effect, where during the political, during the elections, it was really, there was a lot of tension in the air.
[00:46:21] So like we’re, we’re already feeling scared and then pandemic happens and we’re being scared. Like everyone’s going to die there. The economy, you know, toilet paper, no water. Everyone’s like, oh, what’s the economy’s going to shut down. So we’re already in a heightened state. And then we want to be those little rabbits in the bushes really, really quiet.
[00:46:39] And then all of a sudden they tell us we can go out the other night. I went out to dinner and I was exhausted. Like I used to go out to dinner all the time and I sat up and we were outdoors. We were safe or vaccinated. Two hours later, I came home and took a really long time. And I was like, what happened?
[00:46:57] My survival brain was just like, what is like, this is scary. We’re not supposed to see people face to face. And it was associating that with all the 18 months of all the noise I had around me. Right. And that’s an example of, to me, you know, we’ve been the whole last year and a half have been lots of fresh fears.
[00:47:23] Um, and when it comes to expressing ourselves, to me, there’s a sort of intimate ness, like there’s the global fears and those things. But if you take those as examples of like, oh, that’s different. Oh, that I haven’t seen that before. And then you bring it down personally, like you did, like, I, I go to this event and now I’m interacting in a way like, oh, this is, this is new.
[00:47:50] It feels like something, I don’t know. What to do with what, what to navigate with. And I’d like to do a tapping round or, or two, uh, and then take our break,
[00:48:15] even though if I’m expressing myself, even though I, if I’m expressing myself and that includes going out of the house, that includes going out of the house these days, there may be fresh beers. There may be fresh fairs and that’s okay. That’s okay. Yeah.
[00:48:42] Fresh fears are a part of life.
[00:48:48] What a fresh fears are a part of life. What a fresh beers are part of life. What if fresh fears are a part of life? What if me believing they shouldn’t be there? What if we believe in they shouldn’t be there. It was one of those magical myths perception.
[00:49:09] What else? I’m beginning to think. I have a magical misconception. I’m beginning to think I have a magical misconception, but I like it,
[00:49:22] but there’s that there shouldn’t be any fresh fears and it should have all my fears taken care of. I should have all my fears taken care of
[00:49:36] and expressing ourselves comes with fresh fears. Expressing ourselves comes with fresh fears.
[00:49:46] That’s why people say they’re afraid of change. That’s why people say they’re afraid of change. What if they’re just fresh fears? What if they’re just fresh, fierce? And I can be surprisingly, I would you like to be like bomb and confident and I might, I could possibly be almond confident anyway. I could possibly be calm and confident.
[00:50:16] I noticed the resistance of myself like, oh no, no, no fresh fairs. Nope. Nope. Don’t want any of those. I have enough of the other. So that was interesting. And, and the cool thing. And we’ll take a break here. I believe that fresh beers, um, are a perfect place. To develop a real skill of discerning, um, palming, getting clarity and finding the orientation, the right distance, right depth, the, the way of being with the reality.
[00:50:55] And, and if it’s just, if it is a truly something that is utterly imaginary, and I, I tend to think that most people or expressing themselves are going to run up against things like other people’s behavior and attitudes. And the old fear can be like, I’m afraid of, of, you know, being seen. Yeah, that’s a deep current, the fresh fear is like, this is something I want to do.
[00:51:26] And this is some feedback I got back in that comment or this email and it’s activating me. Oftentimes we go back and we go back really deep and dredge. I believe that there’s a possibility to it’s a baby step. Just take what’s coming up right now. Let go of the perception, the conception that it shouldn’t be there, like interacting with others should be easy and kind, and perfect and safe, um, would love.
[00:51:59] I want to live in that magical world. I’m doing a lot to support that and it’s not reality. And so when I come up against something like that, I’m finding that there’s a real Rudy, um, worthwhile. Baby step to be with what actually has shown up, not something too distant that I’m imagining and not something necessarily that’s always going back to teenage years.
[00:52:34] Does that make sense? And so if, if that’s the, our context and we want to be able to drop in with our, our misconceptions, that might be blocking us, our fresh fears that are like having us pause. Um, and that’s what we’re looking for is the pause, rather than the run or the bite, um, let’s pick seven minutes, tend to your body’s needs.
[00:53:02] We’re going to pause the recording back. We’re going to do some, we’re going to give you tips on how to navigate this right.
[00:53:15] Welcome back. And if you’re watching this on the replay, as most of the people in our community will be, um, I invite you, if you didn’t take a break there to, um, actively pause there’s power in the pause, it’s an opportunity for your energy to process clarify, settle, recharge. Um, yeah, not a requirement.
[00:53:46] It’s a, but it is a party invitation. Yeah. Can we dive into the ways people can make steps forward? One of the things that Rick and I talk about a lot of the time, and you may be sick of it. I invite you to tune in fresh. Even if you’ve heard this before is baby steps. I’m going to try to explain pointed it a little different way to see if it lands on you a little different.
[00:54:12] So the other day I had to go to a work meeting. I had not been in the office for me for 16 months. I was really scared. I was just, for some reason, all this fear came up because I hadn’t done it. Um, and it’s very comfortable being here in my sweat pants and my bunny slippers on a zoom meeting, you know, and most of the time the video is not even on stuff.
[00:54:32] My hair sticking up. No one knows. Um, if I break, I have, what I have to do is break it into babysitter. If I tried to just say, I’m going out the door to this meeting, that the fear was as I was like, whoa, too much. My system just was not used to this and yeah. Anymore is like too many things. So what I do it was, I broke it down to the baby, the smallest steps that I could handle, that I had a tolerance for the discomfort.
[00:54:56] So part of that was like, for some them and putting on my clothes is fine, but for putting my shoes on felt very scary. So I just got my shoes. So I broke it down to getting my shoes, sitting on the couch with my shoes, putting on one shoe and breathing, putting on the other shoe, realized that I didn’t have to go out the door.
[00:55:14] The minute I got my shoe on. So I put it on Facebook, saw a few cats, watch a couple of videos, um, and then getting my keys. So like breaking it down into baby steps. So it’s another thing, like if we say I’m going to do something until I feel too discomforted to do. But you can do is break it down into the little, the smaller steps and Sam, Lee’s going to put my shoes on, even if that’s very uncomfortable, maybe I take them right back off again, but I’m gonna at least put my shoes on.
[00:55:42] Whatever that is. Cause we all have different tolerances in different times where, when I’m really resourced, things can seem really easy and days that I’m really tired or feeling more nervous, they can seem like a big thing. So just deciding, okay, I’m going to do five minutes of this or I’m going. My left shoe on and walk around the house with one shoe on for a little while or whatever it is.
[00:56:03] It starts teaching our system met. There’s not really a fear. The fear is not necessarily real. So my survival brain is like, if you go to this meeting, it had all this fears. Like everyone will laugh at you. They’ll see the COVID 20. You put on. They’ll like, they’re going to know that you haven’t been on the house in 16 months, or I have been out of the house, but not a lot, but like there’s all these fears coming up versus so like me putting my shoes on in my brain meant I had to get in the car.
[00:56:30] That meant I was going to be at this meeting versus, oh, I can put a shoe on and just sit here and watch TV for a minute, like breaking it up into baby steps so that my system can realize that most of these steps are not actually threatening. It’s when I try to compress it all and deal with it all at once that it becomes, it was too much.
[00:56:55] And even, even though I sometimes have pushed myself here in LA often I’m pushing myself. I’m no baby, no baby. I shouldn’t have to take baby steps. I shouldn’t have to take baby steps. What about the magical misconception? Because that is a magical misconception. Maybe to figure out a lot babies, figure out a lot.
[00:57:21] Eyebrow. My body needs plying to call my body needs time to call my body needs. Time to confidence means time to confidence and BI small steps. Give me a moment to pause small steps. Give me a moment to pause. It keeps you from getting stalled, even though I feel like I’m getting installed. It keeps me from getting, it keeps me from getting sick.
[00:57:54] Yeah, because I’m actively calming in competence in myself because of actively calming in confidence in myself. And I haven’t overwhelmed my system. I have not overwhelmed my system. It lets me express myself and lets me express myself and do things that matter and do things that matter. What if I tried baby steps?
[00:58:19] What if I tried baby steps for baby seek for maybe?
[00:58:29] And this is a place like I love the thriving now center is a place or when, when I was first doing tapping, the center didn’t exist. We had a forum, but I found people in there that I could talk this through that way. When I was doing something new, I could share my steps and I would, I got, so people got to know me.
[00:58:47] They’re like that step three looks way too big. You know, you sure you don’t need to break that up. And, uh, you keep doing step two, that looks a little easy. Are you like, you know, sitting on the couch, watching TV for half an hour after you put one shoe on seems like a little bit of a, like, maybe you’re being a little bit, it’s too easy on herself and I’m all fan of being easy, but I think it’s also avoidance sometimes.
[00:59:10] So, yeah. And that’s why I believe that if, when put in the context of the real skill of palming and confidence in yourself, So baby steps, magical misconception that humans are not actually taking small steps. Um, some people don’t have to, or are not PA or are pushing themselves so that they don’t Oz.
[00:59:37] They might crash later. But to me, driving way of living is I’m taking a step that is right sized for where I am, and I’m giving myself a chance to pause. And what do I do in the pause? I’m checking in with myself. Well, my tension rose up to my eyeballs and I’m like, I’m already slightly underwater. I’m going to give gravity a chance to empty the tank or settle the tank.
[01:00:06] Um, and I’m going to build up a little bit of energy to like, what, what makes this matter to me? Um, And the, like, one of the things that gives me confidence is knowing that I don’t have to, I’m not shitting on myself. I’m taking those steps with an intention, but if it doesn’t get done, um, very few of the things that I do are life or death, uh, on a given day.
[01:00:35] And I think for most of us, the things that we put on our to-do list are not necessarily life and death in the immediate moment. And so giving yourself this opportunity to be in this kind of rhythm means that you’ll have more savvy as the skill builds. You have more savvy to, to really like boost your confidence up, to really show up for a moment and then take a pause if you’re, you know, during this as Kathy and I go back and forth, I am actively calming my I’m checking in with my body.
[01:01:13] Um, maybe closing my eyes just for a moment. I’ve done this in board meetings, you know, um, where venture capitalists were investing in the company. This is one of the things that, you know, I did this at five o’clock in the morning when she’s crying in my face, refusing to go to sleep the baby step in. Oh, she’s upset.
[01:01:37] She’s uncomfortable. And I don’t know why with a calm myself and I’m going to boost my presence, my confidence, and I could feel the energy between us change. Get it immediately get better. No, that would have been nice reality was we had minutes of doing this and that’s not the reality dealing with the child.
[01:02:03] It’s also a reality. Sometimes dealing with a boss, dealing with a project, dealing with a dream, um, And the more that we apply this, um, baby steps of baby step pause, con calm confidence, baby, step pause, calm confidence. You start noticing the way that your body is going back into a rhythm, a rhythm of not being ribbon at high revs or with pressure or Spredfast, but actually going into a stainable riving rhythm, which has this kind of pattern.
[01:02:51] Yeah. So, you know, just taking baby steps, we’re trying never to go too deep, too fast. Um, hitting our nervous system. We don’t want our survival brain to get activated. So if we haven’t left the house in a while, or things have changed. Someone shared in the chat that they had really started connecting with their body more and they were, they’d lost some weight and they were feeling nervous about going out in the world for a lot of people there, the extra fat cells is a, is an armor.
[01:03:22] And all of a sudden, especially if we haven’t been going outside a lot, that can feel really overwhelming. And if we’re more connected to our body, Then it’s going to feel more vulnerable as well. We disconnected from our bodies because they didn’t feel safe to connect to them or a little. So for connected, there’s more chance that someone could maybe hurt us.
[01:03:40] So just figuring out ways, again, kind of writing lists, like not like I’m going to go out and engage with people for 12 hours today, but like, how can I go out for five weeks? Uh, can I walk around the block? How can I, you know, I met someone for coffee the other day. She hadn’t been out much at all either.
[01:03:59] So we just like, let’s do a 20 minute coffee together, outdoors. It was really sweet. And we ended up studying longer than 20 minutes because we were both gave it, we were both, we were both willing to share that we were nervous and it was hard. And so we gave each other permission to leave whenever we needed to.
[01:04:16] And it was really sweet, but breaking that down and just acknowledging that. Yeah, well this, well, this used to be easy maybe or seemed easier. It’s okay right now for it to be hard, it can be just what it is right now. We have a reason for. And we can heal whatever’s coming up so that we can, you know, I don’t want to anchor and I encourage you not to anchor the terror of doing things.
[01:04:42] I see people that are just going to use their willpower and they muscle it together and they just make themselves a force themselves through that one. It’s really hard on your body, but it’s too, as anchoring that activity in that location and all those things too, that your survival brain is really fearful.
[01:04:59] It’s not going to get easier if you muscle through on like that radical misconception that I need to muscle through the way that I have to do it has to be that kind of energy. And so like that too nano steps, if you need to,
[01:05:22] would you lead a muscle through, even though I really think I might need to muscle through this.
[01:05:31] Even though I really think I should muscle through this. It shouldn’t be that hard. It shouldn’t be that hard. Tough if I’m scared or me tough. If I’m scared, I’m scared. I’m not a baby anymore. Not a baby taking baby steps. That’s offensive. I wonder who told me those things wonder, who told me those things and if they were actually right.
[01:06:02] And if they were actually right and healthy and balanced and a role model, I think I have to muscle through all these things. I think I have to muscle through all of these things. Isn’t that? What you do, something about what you do. What if that just anchors the fear? Yeah. What’s the effect of anchoring of here for me and anchors that activity with being fearful.
[01:06:32] Anchors that activity with being fearful and painful. Chris lives in anchors locations as being fearful. Sometimes it anchors locations with being fearful or people with people. I don’t want to be more fearful. I really don’t want to be more fearful. What if I could take it in manageable steps? What if I could take it in manageable steps and anchor confidence and calm and confidence, and then anchor my competence, my calm and my confidence.
[01:07:08] I’m just going to do another. That’s not okay.
[01:07:13] That’s not okay. Who said that? I couldn’t do it that way. Who said I couldn’t do it that way? I feel like it’s not okay to do it that way. I feel like it’s not okay to do it that way. I should really muscle through. I should really muscle through, but I don’t want to hurt myself. You’re not wanting to hurt myself again.
[01:07:40] And I really do want to anchor a feeling of calm confidence. And I really want to anchor this feeling of calm confidence. So maybe it’s worth taking a little extra time. Maybe it’s worth taking a little extra time and doing those baby steps and doing those baby steps, micro steps.
[01:08:13] I can really anchor on,
[01:08:18] I think I read it, some of the Olympians, not all of them, but some of them practice, like just baby stuff. Like they don’t practice their whole routine out. They’ll just practice one aspect of it over and over again. So they get it and then they’ll practice another over and over again until they get it.
[01:08:34] And then they gradually put them together and they don’t practice 10 steps and then put them all together at once. They’ll put one next to each other and then they’ll add another one. And that gives them that sense of like their body is not trying to remember all the things at once. And that gets into muscle memory.
[01:08:50] And I would love for each of you to have that comfort and myself and rake to like, what is calm? Confidence could be a muscle memory. What if that’s my that’s, my intention is it’s an energy in our states of being we’re human beings. We have lots of default states of being, um, angry, you know, hungry and angry at the same time.
[01:09:13] Um, frustrated, whatever it is. We, you know, we look at humans as in their states of being, and there’s a lot of different states of being. And I, I believe that this interwoven energy of palming actively calming anxiety, working with our body and gravity as our partner and our own sense of gravitas, our solidness, our liveliness, our physicality, bringing that and calming that, so that there’s a depth of presence.
[01:09:53] And competency thing. I’m using it as an act, not just as a state, you know? Oh, he’s very confident. They’re very confident. Um, there’s an, there’s an energetic, emotional Vizio, emotional act. It’s a verb, the confidence ourselves. Um, there’s some things I quote, I’m going to give myself a pep talk that can work.
[01:10:18] It doesn’t work for me. Um, for me, confidence thing is, um, it comes from a, uh, uh, a place of why, what, what does this matter to me? Why does this matter to me? Um, what am I standing on in terms of my life experience and my competencies? If I have no talent, no skill at all. I am still standing on like a desire.
[01:10:51] I desire to learn Spanish, but the desire to feel the poetry of, uh, of, of another language in my life, an ability to hear people speaking in their native tongue around me and be able to smile and feel the friendliness of get that all, you know, I started with nothing, but I was standing on my curiosity and my desire.
[01:11:21] I’m not talented with learning languages other than English, but I’m developing a talent and I can feel it confidence myself now for 385 days of studying what it, what it says is, Hey, actively tapping into that, which matters that I’m clear about it. And that’s an active process. Some days it happens really naturally like, Ooh, I’m looking forward to it.
[01:11:52] And then other days it’s like, why am I going to go in there and not remember what that verb conjugation is? Again? Um, that’s like a magical misconception that I’m I’m quieting and this we can do with anything that, that, you know, you feel something that matters to you. You can confidence yourself around what you’ve, what you’ve endured,
[01:12:23] how you’ve healed and grown. Could you slow up? I tell you you’re, if you understood the exceptional nature of those that are doing this emotional work, um, It reminds me of the hidden figures movie of the women that were programming for NASA, you know, the first female programmers of the IBM mainframe, the ones that really made a difference in the NASA program.
[01:12:56] You know, we’re not real big and visible, but the people that are tuning to real skills, emotional skills, as things that are worthwhile to cultivate and adding that to the other things that we’re also competent at, I think is my hope is that are, we will be the ancestors that, that started to model emotional world where environmentalism tending to art circles and our we spaces in a different way, because we can show up with less misconception able to be with what fresh ears come up and then be able to rock it in.
[01:13:39] All ourselves confidence ourselves and be with each other in an expressive way. Um, and I found too, like when I’ve really focused on doing these baby steps and feeling comfortable and actually re anchored pleasure with things that I used to hate to do. So things like writing a newsletter, like a lot of people are like, Aw, Tevye.
[01:14:03] Well, for me, I would, I taught myself just to, like, I took baby steps and I focus on the pleasure and I stayed in the moment. And a lot of times it was just like, I could not write a newsletter. Like it was so fun. It was more fun than the Facebook cats or, you know, and I’ve helped some clients do that too, where it’s like this thing, they really hate, we broke it down in steps.
[01:14:24] So we tapped on the resistance and like go old things and let go of willpower and on their way through and just started being mindful with it. And there’s there’s aspects like that. Sometimes the whole thing we came, something they love to do. So we really can reverse that. And we’re not going to do that with willpower and pain is just not going to happen.
[01:14:45] I want to feel the pleasure in my expression.
[01:14:51] No power and pain are not going to take me there or not going to take me there. I’m starting to feel more open to other possibilities. I am starting to feel more open to other possibilities. One how my body and mind can guide me how I’m body and mind can guide me.
[01:15:15] It is going to take energy. It is going to take energy
[01:15:23] is wonderful ladies. Wonderful. I love to feel more vibrancy. I’d love to show more vibrancy, to feel more of my depth mower. Love to feel my depth more power. That’s a power one. Even though that might activate a fresh fear or activate a fresh fear.
[01:15:56] Yeah. And I think that one of the big, I love that Rick felt really good to tap on. One of the things is it’s, if we can pick one thing that we want to achieve and then break it up into those little steps and start practicing, clearing that out, we’re much more likely to change it. Then if we kind of like our buck shot in the whole thing, But if we learned that one thing, it helped, like Rick said early it’s, there’s a holographic effect where if I learn this one thing, I’m build up the muscles and I can start copying and pasting to other things.
[01:16:26] And our survival brain knows that if we focus on one thing, we’ll make progress. And if it’s scared of that, it will try to distract us by. Nope, I’ve got to do everything at once. And I think that’s when I work with clients, sometimes that’s the biggest thing is like getting them to that one thing, because there’s a lot of resistance because if they look at that one thing, they’ll make progress.
[01:16:44] So there’s like, oh no, I’ve got to look at all the things. No, no, no, I can’t shoot as I have to. And it’s like, okay, we can do that, but it’s going to be, we’re going to be moving the whole map forward every time versus kind of spearheading in that one area and proving to our, we can do it. So, um, yeah. I invite everyone to take a nice deep breath.
[01:17:09] This process is better done with support, and we’re not like we try never to be pitchy about any of this. The center that Rick made is free. You can go and meet really amazing people. And I traded, tapping and support with people for many, many years. Um, there’s also, Rick has the circle, uh, me down circles.
[01:17:29] If you wanted you to have more tapping and with support guided by Rick and I and a few other amazing people, um, that’s there. And, um, Rick does some amazing coaching. I do some coaching too, when it fits in my schedule, but please don’t think that you have to do this by yourself. There’s, you know, find a buddy talk to someone when we’re alone.
[01:17:50] Our survival brain is much more fearful. And if we’re fearful about something, we are very bad judges about how hard we should put. Most of us are brought up in the willpower pain method of getting through stuff. And we just don’t, we don’t judge well for ourselves talking about it out loud, sharing with someone else, helping them.
[01:18:09] Like, did you make a baby step? No, not yet today. Do you want to do it now while I wait? Um, you can really help us get like of just getting a little bit of a jumpstart and having, and knowing someone cares can make a huge difference on whether we take those baby steps or not. And it’s really easy to get distracted by Facebook, the resistance to having to do it all.
[01:18:30] And then 10 years have passed and, or, you know, 16 months has passed or whatever it is and we haven’t done it. And I think the more we exercise these muscles, the more our life gets really delicious. Uh, thank you, Kathy. Thank you all so much. Um, thank you. Circle that supports, um, so much of this and those of you that have supported the workshops by spreading the word.
[01:18:56] Um, providing some financial support is deeply appreciated. Um, my, so from a very easy ish standpoint, if there’s something that you would like to do, uh, to express yourself, and you’d just like to have somebody to share it with, but right now you’re not feeling like you have someone else. Um, Kathy and I both receive emails to support a thriving now.com.
[01:19:23] So if you email us, we’ll see it. And I read all my emails. I don’t always guarantee reply, but I do probably to acknowledge those people that are expressing out on the center, thriving now.center, um,
[01:19:42] There is something about being around a different energy space that while it is not Facebook, it’s not trying to be Facebook. It’s drying. It is. It is for those of us that are participating. I, I find that having a place where I can share something that matters to me my morning mile, my morning mile has been a lot easier and more consistent because I’m sharing it with others every once in a while, when I hit a milestone or I notice something I will add to that OPIC.
[01:20:28] And it’s a simple thing, the things that we want to do that that are dear to us as humans. We’re meant to share those we’re meant to be witnessed and recognized to be recognized is to, to be seen and felt and understood. And that is the intention of the center for you to have an awkward at first and a developed sense of being seen and felt and understood even in the imperfectness of words and, and electronics.
[01:21:09] Um, so yeah, it’s there for you and for all of us. So, thank you. Thanks again, Tappy. Um, welcome. Good questions. Welcome your engagement. And we’re setting up our, our calls for, um, August. We’ll have two more keep rocking it. And if you have ideas for calls, feel free to drop that too. If there’s topics you want to see drop in the center or email us at support it thriving.
[01:21:41] Now we want to hear, yeah. Thanks. Bye.
- Magical Misconceptions
- Fresh Fears
- Baby Steps combined with Calming and Confidencing
Great to have you on this journey with us!
I’ve learnt sooo much from this! My biggest “magical misconception” right now is that I always think that the best way to “get better” from all my triggers, is to go deeeeep into the root triggers and resolve it with tapping. Now I can start to see clearer that community support and sometimes even pausing, and understanding ourselves more with all these new perspectives can alleviate so much of the immediate stress. When our outlook changes, the way we see life changes, and the way I approach tapping can be so different as well!
And I can’t agree more with @Glenn about the essence of words and how it impacts us. I reflected on your word “magical misconception”, and realised, wow…! It’s coined so well! Misconception I might’ve seen with a negative connotation (but it’s not as bad as say “limiting beliefs”, “flawed thinking” etc). But worth the word “magical”, wow! You made the concept so much more neutral, or even positive! That I feels so much more inviting, and pleasant to be aware and to uncover! As opposed to “I gotta look at my traumas, my triggers, my garbage etc. (not that they’re bad though!)
Just wow… just 2 words, and I feels so much more different… totally can feel into the “words affect physiology” more and more thing!..
I had the same experience with this term/concept too Jun Rong. Language is so deeply wired into us I think you could accurately say it’s a part of our specie’s biology. Language flows through our nervous system and to all our cells and organs it would seem. And Rick has a powerful skill with language and with creating these terms and concepts.
The metaphors we each consistently use as part of our daily ‘language diet’ are so potent and can aim us toward thriving or struggling. Language acts like a lens that we view the world through and a simple shift can make an enormous difference in how and what we perceive. One of the first sources that I began to explore metaphor through was a man named Charles Faulkner who wrote a book titled ‘Worlds Within A Word’ and I always loved that title probably because it reflects my experience with language. I think of these terms, like ‘Magical Misconceptions’, as word portals…they can be like an invitation to step through a door that opens into a new vista or at least enough of a different angle on a familiar vista that we start to have new feelings and thoughts about things…we recalibrate, re-consider, re-orient. Powerful medicine!
I don’t know how many of us are old enough (or from a part of the world that would have seen it) to recall this TV ad from the '60’s or '70’s but it occurred to me that it would make an appropriate meme for this discussion…
@Glenn totally! Rick is so good with his words!
Didn’t thought of it so powerfully…! I guess though sticks and stones may break my bones, but words…they might just change my worldview…!
Ha!! That’s awesome my friend!!
I had been searching for tapping on the fears but didn’t find in the Tapping and Coaching courses. But then I found this one today and it is so helpful !
Magical Misconception !
very well explained.
Rick is very good at talking and so is Cathy, though I do not understand her words at times.
Thanks to both of you for helping so many of us in our journey towards thriving now !
Great to have you with us, @Mangal_Kayande – and if there is every a specific fear you’re working through, feel free to most a New Topic and we can all explore it together.
Yes, I have fears from childhood. I am scared of people who I am with, those who have this power over me. Anyone who is around who is dominant like parent, teacher, employer.
I am also scared when I have to do things, many times everyday things which I am overwhelmed with. Mainly when I am scared that I may not be able to do it right. I keep anxious of the work so much so that I postpone the thing.
I am tired of this behaviour and need to change. Can i get help by tapping?
I’m far less scared because of tapping than I used to be.
It isn’t a “tap tap tap” and now you’re fearless. Sorry
When you are scared, do you pause? Do you go off where you feel a bit safer and tap and breathe?
Try that 3-5 times a day for a day and then a week. What do you notice start happening inside you?
Honestly, I do not like people who want to have power OVER me. Some people choose careers because they get to have power over others… and they like it.
Some people can choose the same career – like teacher – because they want power WITH others, to use their talents to help others to thrive.
I like Power WITH people, and feel much much more at ease with them!
Of course, if we’ve been dominated growing up, it can be hard to discern the difference. That’s a starting point.
Is there anyone in your world that if you really feel into it wants you to thrive, too, and wants to use their power alongside your power so you both benefit?
That’s so comforting, Rick
I will definitely follow this right away
Thanks so much for helping me, it really means a lot
For people who deeply value Freedom, to have to navigate so many systems and people who seek control OVER us is… scary, worrisome, hard.
I believe that what EFT Tapping has done for me is help me recognize there’s nothing wrong with me for having those feelings! My sensors are picking up those who would more gladly enslave me than have me make my own choices. Ugh.
I want to be able to detect that. I want to more and more accurately discern between behaviors and attitudes that work well WITH me from those that I might have to endure a little bit on occasion… but that I want to minimize my exposure to!
Then, I want to put more and more energy into co-creating with beings who value my uniqueness, and can be reasonably safe and respectful of my choices – without shaming, blaming, or excluding me.
Yeah, that’s a Big Desire in a world where authoritarians are everywhere. I just no that so are Helpers, Generous Teachers, and Kind Beings, too. I can feel your earnest desire to be free, and also how generous you are with your appreciation.
That means a lot to me, too
It is such a pleasure to receive a mail from you. And there’s so much learning in it.
You are too good at picking up the exact feelings I go through with at times and my appreciation is always genuine.
I start practicing the way you have advised me to and hopefully, there will be a day when I can say I have rid myself of those fears.