Magical Misconceptions

Magical Misconceptions

Magical Misconceptions are when we hold tight to a notion about how something, someone, or we SHOULD be… but that is not the way it is.

The contrast between what we believe should be and what is creates an inner conflict – which our primitive brain experiences as a threat. We’re then left reacting to the threat, often by avoiding or getting angry or feeling flooded and overwhelmed.

Magical Misconceptions significantly impact visionaries, optimists, and sensitive people in ways that often keep them from expressing themselves and being calm and confident.

  • Significantly reduces inner conflict and overwhelm.
  • We stop should-ing on ourselves, loved ones, and even the world at large.
  • By accepting “what is,” we are free to find creative adaptations that allow for thriving while also positively influencing our we-spaces.

It Should Be Easier!!

But it is not. Now what?

When we have this misconception, we’re imagining a magical world where things are different. But they’re not right now.

Perhaps you’re tired. Perhaps you’re early in the learning curve. Perhaps you’ve witnessed others appearing (!) to do it easier, and you feel “less than” (a threat for the primitive brain’s status receptors).

Anytime we assert that it “should be easier,” we are likely to “bounce off” – get distracted, avoid, quit, hate on ourselves. Or, we’ll push ourselves! Coerce, force, or feel trapped.

Ugh, this is not thriving.

With some EFT Tapping, we can accept this “unwanted reality” that it is harder than we hoped, and that’s the way it is, and it’s okay. We can be calm and confident… anyway.

People Should… People Shouldn’t…

Ah, but people DO!

You’re probably noticing that the word “should” often indicates a magical misconception. We find ourselves looking out at the world and declaring, “This is not how it should be!”

What happens to our calm and confidence when we do this?

Sometimes we can get anxious, angry, or fearful – not calm.

Sometimes we can feel disempowered and helpless and despairing… because things are not as they (magically) should be!

Can you feel the trap?

Discerning when we’re arguing with how people actually are and pausing can give us some space to reflect.

  • I prefer when people ____. Not everyone does or does all the time.
  • When people don’t ____ (and some people won’t), I feel ____.
  • I invite myself to be calm and confident… anyway. This is the way it is, and it does not have to stop me from thriving.

I Shouldn’t Have To… I Should Be Able To…

We humans should on ourselves.

Like the magical misconception that something should be easier, we can activate a conflict in us (and will) every time we fall into a notion that we shouldn’t have to or should be able to do something right now.

Such assertions are depleting. When we’re depleted, we lose vitality and creativity. When we’re depleted, it’s harder to generate confident energy.

Imagine if the concept we’re operating from is one of Awareness. That looks at the same situation with:

  • I’m noticing resistance to doing that right now. Is it actually a no for me to do? Is there a different approach? Or am I objecting even though it is a normal part of being a human in this culture?

  • I’m noticing that my current energy and state of being isn’t a match for what I want to do. I wonder how I could shift my state right now?

Useful Questions

  • Am I should-ing on myself or others in a way that conflicts with how things actually are?

  • If I am the type of person that imagines a better world, am I not offering my heartistry because magical misconceptions are causing me to turn away or distract myself?

  • How would this change if I both accepted the unwanted reality AND at the same time calmed my distress while deepening my confidence?

  • If I Pause to remind myself before an important conversation, a night out, a vacation, a date, etc. that things seldom happen exactly in the manner that I imagine wanting them to happen, can this help calm me in the very likely event that something will occur that I didn’t plan on or want to have happen?


Related Concepts

Acceptance, Primitive Brain, Limiting Beliefs, Concepts for Thriving

Contributors: @Rick @Cathy

We invite you to share your experiences and wisdom:

  • Life examples where this concept has played a role
  • Other useful questions
  • Links to audios, videos, books, and courses to add to our shared understanding of this concept
  • Memes, quotes, and inspiring images

Magical Misconceptions is brilliant Rick!! It’s like looking in a mirror…lol!! And it really is a form of magical thinking that many (most?) of us fall prey to in both inconsequential and in hugely consequential ways. Thanks.


People SHOULD deliver to the correct address!!

Over the past year, I’ve had my groceries delivered incorrectly (to different addresses in our community) three times. Can you believe it!?!?

That should never happen!
Ding ding ding!
Magical Misconception!

And this is why this concept is so important to my well-being. You see, in addition to the grocery mis-deliveries, just yesterday Amazon said they had delivered two packages. They said “Handed directly to a resident.” Which was not true.

That should never happen!
Ding ding ding!
Magical Misconception!

The reality is, clearly, that does happen. Mis-deliveries happen. The part of me that holds onto the misconception that they should NOT is magically thinking that we live in a world where such perfection is possible. That we’re at the place where GPS and clear numbering and previous reports and corrections SHOULD result in never having to deal with another situation like this.

As an engineer, my brain is geared to see the possibility for improvement. But, honestly, if you saw what happens in my biochemistry and electrical system when I hit a magical misconception of mine, you’d be like:

Whoa, Rick! Let’s take a pause! This isn’t THAT big a deal! Nothing that needs you to fire off rockets and flood the system with outrage chemicals!

This does not mean that I’m “losing it.” On the 0-10 scale, for a sensitive person like myself, a reaction like this is still really “expensive.” A “4” still means that it takes me time and focus to bring my system back into healthy flow.


What I’ve noticed about this Magical Misconception about how deliveries should be is that until I actively recognized it and started EFT Tapping to shift it, my reaction was escalating. By that I mean that with each occurrence, each time what happened (reality) conflicted with how I was convinced it SHOULD be, I was getting more and more reactive.

That’s a clue.

Yesterday’s occurrence instead of being a 9 was a 4, and short-lived 4 as well. Tap tap tap:

It shouldn’t be this way!
People should delivery to the correct address!
People shouldn’t lie about delivering it when they didn’t.
And the reality is: I don’t know where the packages are, and there are steps I can take to address this.

Notice the last bit puts me back into a more confident place. I am competent to deal with this! But only if my inner systems are not conflicted, reactive, and arguing about what actually is right now.

So what replaces the misconception? Something grounded in reality and also intention.

"Mis-deliveries happen still, and with hundreds of deliveries a year, and with the current state of things, some WILL go astray. I can actually expect that, and I can even make it part of my informed consent when participating in the development of better and better home delivery that when it happens, I will competently handle the inconvenience and provide feedback into the system that hopefully will result in long term improvements. I can live with that. (Calming) I can do that. (Confidencing)


I can remember so clearly being at a friend’s house when I was maybe 13 years old and watching his father work on something that needed fixing. I don’t recall what it was. What I do recall is that something went wrong…something else broke while he was attempting to fix the thing…and I remember bracing myself…holding my breath…a deep apprehension and anticipation came over me…I was waiting for his outburst of anger and frustration…swearing and grimacing…and it didn’t come…there was no outburst…there was no discernible change in his behaviour or attitude…he just kept on with his work. I was stunned. It actually sent me into a mild state of confusion.

I don’t recall my father being the sort of guy who was dramatically knocked off balance at being confronted with a Magical Misconception but I had to learn to have my expectation of my friend’s father’s response somewhere. This memory has been with me for 50 years. It’s obvious to me that there’s a reason I keep it active…I maintain it. And I do refer to it from time to time as a sort of behavioural/emotional template. Such a small event that I witnessed in one sense…watching a guy fixing something, a thing that I can’t even recall…but a HUGE life lesson that I’m still working on.

There was once a farmer in ancient China who owned a horse. “You are so lucky!” his neighbours told him, “to have a horse to pull the cart for you.” “Maybe,” the farmer replied.

One day he didn’t latch the gate properly and the horse ran off. “Oh no! What a disaster!” his neighbours cried. “Such terrible misfortune!” “Maybe,” the farmer replied.

A few days later the horse returned, bringing with it six wild horses. “How fantastic! You are so lucky,” his neighbours told him. “Now you are rich!” “Maybe,” the farmer replied.

The following week the farmer’s son was breaking-in one of the wild horses when it kicked out and broke his leg. “Oh no!” the neighbours cried, “such bad luck, all over again!” “Maybe,” the farmer replied.

The next day soldiers came and took away all the young men to fight in the war. The farmer’s son was left behind. “You are so lucky!” his neighbours cried. “Maybe,” the farmer replied.