Desires and Conflicts Around Money and Abundance

 Free Community Event - Recorded


Desires and Conflicts Around Money and Abundance

Real Skills Workshop: Be Calm and Confident

Hosts: Rick Wilkes (@Rick) and Cathy Vartuli (@Cathy)

Recorded Sunday, March 28, 2021

Money is a trigger for a lot of anxiety and yearning. If we want to Be Calm and Confident around our finances, becoming aware of our inner conflicts is a first step. Then we:

  • Clarify what really matters to us
  • Align our energy to quiet the conflict and release resistance
  • Build our confidence (which helps our competence)
  • Take inspired action towards abundance

Cathy and Rick worked with volunteers and doing EFT Tapping during this one hour session. It’s part of our new Real Skills Workshops!

We hope you’ll listen, tap along, reply here, and tell a friend!


Click for Computer Generated Transcript

Desires and Conflicts Around Money and Abundance

Welcome everyone today. We’re going to be exploring desires and conflicts around money and abundance. I’m Rick from thriving now, and I’m here with Cathy Vartuli and are thriving now, community. Welcome. What does this mean to you? So one of my earliest memories, I’m Cathy Vartuli. I run the intimacy dojo and do events here with Rick on Thriving Now.

[00:00:25] And one of the earliest memories I have is I was probably five and my sister was probably four and a half and we were sitting behind this plaid. Old plaid couch that my grandparents have given us. And we’re sitting there crying and hearing my parents scream at each other about money. They were just like, it was like world war three to us.

[00:00:45] And we were terrified and a lot of their fights were around money. And. I realized that one of the things I love to do with the intimacy dojo and with Rick I’m fighting now is help people thrive in relationships. I love when people can have beautiful relationships with themselves and with each other.

[00:01:02] And one of the things that happens is we have different expectations and needs around money and that conflict can really whack us out. So even if we’re deeply in love with someone, and a lot of us were brought up a snow white and Cinderella and that sort of thing, like if we’re truly in love, everything will be okay.

[00:01:19] But if we have very different beliefs about how we interact with money, that can really, really put a damper on whatever relationship we have, even with ourselves. I don’t, I’m not currently in a relationship. And I know I get mad at myself sometimes for the way I spend money. And I’m just like, Oh, why did I do that?

[00:01:39] And one of the things I’d like to point out is that we. Humans do have complex relationships. We have more than one need. So we have the need to have security and safety, which is like saving money, paying off debts, buying a home. If that feels right, we have that need to like, want to feel safe at our nesting, with our loved ones or with ourselves.

[00:02:00] And so we want to save money. And then when I’m in that moment, I’m like, I’m never going to spend money. I’m not going to go out to eat. I’m going to have this austerity, you know, thing where I’m going to just save money, but there’s also humans have the need for adventure and exploring and discovering new things.

[00:02:15] Like we want some, we want security, but we also need excitement. So I’m probably a lot of us know someone who’s really in that austerity all the time. And I don’t imagine they’re really, really that happy. And we, I also know a lot of people that are in the very exciting we’re going to travel all over the world.

[00:02:33] We’re not going to worry about safety. We’ll figure out the rent tomorrow or whatever it’s due or 10 days after it’s due. And that just makes my body really anxious. Like, Oh, well, we do, we have that. We have both needs and different people have different amounts of those needs. So I think that a lot of the conflict comes there were, many of us were taught.

[00:02:53] We should save everything, but then there’s the longing to have adventure and to experience new things and have a nice car and a nice place, you know, have people admire us for that and to really enjoy the luxuries of life. And I think when we can find a balance when we’re not trying to eliminate one of those.

[00:03:11] But honor, both of them, then we’re not so much in conflict is finding a balance. Like I would really love to have a steak dinner tonight and I really want to pay off that credit card. So how about I have a steak dinner later in the week, and today I’m going to make a nice dinner for myself and I’m going to honor the fact that I do want to take care of what I need to have both in my life and find about a balance rather than that austerity or the all, all or nothing that many of us jumped between.

[00:03:40] Do you want to feel like, yeah. And so this is part of the real skills workshop on be calm and confident. And Cathy and I are really practical. We want to, to help all of us develop skills that we can apply. It’s something that is definitely going to show up in our life. And money is an essential energy that flows in and out of all of our lives.

[00:04:07] And because of that, one of the things that are on collect Rose is not calm and it fits a conflict inside your skin. It can be between head and heart or gut fin grind, and you have that kind of energetic conflict. It can be between someone on the outside too, but that’s, doesn’t give you that feeling of calm confidence.

[00:04:41] And we believe that clarity and inspired action, things that are, that are balanced are going to come from quieting out of the primitive brain, which is really concerned with survival. I’m guessing that in our community, we have lots of people that can’t even imagine just being a little bit calmer about their finances related to their own.

[00:05:03] Survival and security. And if that’s where you are, you’re absolutely welcome. And we’re happy to tap with you. There are, there are those that, you know, are aware that there can be a belief spectrum. Like one of the aspects of any real skill is like, what attitude do I want to carry? And we inherit attitudes.

[00:05:30] Cathy shared the story about her parents. Um, you know, I grew up, my mom was a single mom. Um, my dad had a lot more money, but didn’t really share generally. Awesome. Um, and you know, my mom was a school teacher and I felt as a kid that we had a pretty. Pretty sweet life. And that’s a testimony to how, uh, well she tended to things, but there was this Stan.

[00:05:58] So you have to make more, you’d have to make more that you know, that I’m not valued. Um, and there was a truth to that, but what my nervous system as a kid picked up, but I still work on, is this feeling like I need to be in the future focused on making more money in order to live a better life. When, when really as a dad of a new five month old and you know, some adult kids and everything else, it’s, uh, you know, this is a sweet moment and I can afford this and no, um, I would definitely benefit by more income and I’m really blessed today here and now.

[00:06:50] And so I believe that that’s part of the confidence part is that if we build up that sense that we can be present with what is without it like yeah. Regardless of what it is, if we can be present with what is that our life opens up, we can be thriving now. And then tomorrow is another now and you get to be thriving now.

[00:07:14] And that’s the idea of calm confidence requiring the primitive brain. So that we’re more in, you know, now, and we’re building up a sense of possibility that we can actually tune to things that are enjoyable to us. Doesn’t require a steak dinner for us to enjoy and savor the food that we have. Absolutely.

[00:07:35] And I do 10 cent macaroni and cheese to give away my age, uh, as much as the steak dinner. Um, so yeah, yeah. I was trying to use something that we would associate, you know, if you’re vegan or something, that’s not a GC thing for you. And one of the things you said was the enjoyment. Um, and I think that sometimes when I’m, when I’m alternating between the two, I want the, the excitement and the adventure, which is also a survival brain thing.

[00:08:04] We want the status. We want people to see us as experiencing life and, and, and being important. Um, when I’m alternating between that and the security there, I don’t really enjoy either one. I feel guilty all the time. So I should be saving every cent and not even breathing deeply to try to put all the money, like try to put all the security away and like hoard it and hope nothing happens to it, which is very fearful for me.

[00:08:31] Or I should be doing like traveling, but then I’m feeling guilty while I’m traveling and worrying about the money that I should be saving. So there’s, there’s that conflict that really makes it so I’m never enjoying what Rick said, like just being in the, now, just enjoying this moment. So we want to help you relieve that, relieve the conflict.

[00:08:50] Cause that’s the kind of, we’re fighting ourselves in all tremendous amount of energy is going here. And when we stopped conflicting, all of a sudden there’s often new solutions that we just never saw before. I’d like to, I’d like to ask if you’d be willing to leave, we use EFT tapping. If you’re not familiar with that, um, this’ll be fun and just follow kind of where we’re doing it.

[00:09:12] But, um, riving now that calm slash tapping would give you a free guide after the call. And if you’re watching the replay, you can pause here and get that guide and get an idea. Um, Cathy, I’d love for you to kind of tune us in so that we’re, we’re getting specific enough. Um, maybe with a tapping, a couple of tapping rounds so that we can be in.

[00:09:36] In this process together. Absolutely. I’d love to. So I invite you to take a nice, slow, deep breath,

[00:09:45] because you can let yourself be here and now, but you’re, you can worry about taking out the garbage and doing the dishes later. There’ll be there. They’re not going to go anywhere. They’re waiting for you. Um, just let yourself be here and now he can. And I’m going to try, I’m going to share a couple of different things as we tap through.

[00:10:03] I invite you to try them on, even if they don’t feel right for you, tapping will never create anything to be true. That isn’t it we’ll just give you clarity. So, and sometimes we have hidden beliefs sometimes around money. There’s so much. Stuff things stuffed down. And if we don’t try them out, we may never realize we have them.

[00:10:22] We’re kind of blind to them after awhile. So let’s just go along and tap and, uh, try them out. We’ll see how you feel. So another nice deep breath, karate chop, even though I have all this conflict around money, even though I have all this conflict around money and it’s been there my entire life and it’s been there my entire life, my parents had conflict around money.

[00:10:49] My parents had quite a bit of conflict around money. Even my grandparents, sometimes my grandparents too. I learned that there’s conflict around money. I learned. That there is conflict around money. And then I should be jealous of the people that have more than I should be jealous of the people that have more, I’m kind of judgmental about the people that don’t have as much as me and find a judgemental lot of people that don’t have as much as me.

[00:11:16] That’s a lot of energy, a lot of energy, and I’d really like to feel better about this. I really like to feel better about this top of the head, all of this conflict around money, all this conflict around money. I brought it doesn’t feel good. It does not feel good side of the eye. There’s a lot of noise in my head.

[00:11:41] There’s a lot of noise in my head, under the eye intention in my body and tension in my body under the nose. And I’d really liked to be calm and confident around money. Oh boy, would I like to be more calm and confident about around money? I think I would make better decisions. I think I would make better decisions for a longer term for a longer term under the arm.

[00:12:08] What if I could be more relaxed? What if I could be more relaxed? I’m not sure. I know. I’m not sure. I know exactly how long I wrote. I feel like a fish in water around this. I feel like a fish in water about this conflict side of the, I I’ve been in this conflict around money. My entire life. I’ve been in this, these conflicts around money, my entire life under the eye.

[00:12:36] It feels like the air I breathe. It feels like the air I breathe. He knows that I’m open to new ways to feel calm and confident. And I am totally open to new ways to feel calm and confident. Maybe my parents didn’t know the best way to do this stuff. My parents definitely did not know the best way to do this stuff Halliburton, and they didn’t know this silly tapping thing either.

[00:13:00] And they definitely didn’t wouldn’t have accepted this until it happened under the arm. So maybe I can find a much better way to be with myself around money and giving myself what okay. What if I could just find a better way to be with myself around money? Yeah. Better way to be with myself around money.

[00:13:20] Top of the head and calm and confident sounds pretty good. And Paulman confidence sounds pretty good. Take a nice, slow, deep breath. And I invite you to notice anything that comes up. They call them. Yeah. Buts, uh, like almost like rabbits, but yeah. But, um, when we set a destination, there’s often part of us, like, yes, we could do that, but there’s like, I, but other people can do this, but I am already in debt, but I will never do this.

[00:13:49] Right. Those, yeah. Buts are really powerful because they’re stuck in your subconscious and so, right. I encourage you write those yeah. Butts down and write down how intense they are. And you’re welcome to share them in the chat. If you like, we’ll try to weave some into the tapping. So what are your habits about being calm and confident around money letting go of some of this conflict?

[00:14:16] To Andrew, something in the chat. We’re just going to give a moment because this is a workshop. Remember that part of a workshop is that you are a co-creator here. And so what you tune into changes us as a circle, what you share, changes us. You volunteer under the reactions does raise hand. We don’t necessarily go in order.

[00:14:39] Um, yeah. What are you seeing? Anything, Cathy? Yeah, I see. Um, so someone shared, I don’t want to out names because this is recorded, but they wanted to cry. I almost wanted to cry out that hasn’t happened. Um, but I’ll run out and not have enough for later. Um, but what happens if someone is doing something bad behind the scenes that you don’t know, others, maybe we’ll get clear and confident, but it won’t work for me.

[00:15:07] Um, but I will die with this debt. Um, what will I start to spend too much? Those are all like, I really appreciate you sharing those. They’re really vulnerable and beautiful. And I’d just like you to notice that if you feel like you’re the only one, notice how many, how many of these people that shared that it kind of, some of them resonate for you and there’s, there’s people saying this will work for everyone, but me.

[00:15:31] And that’s so there’s other people thinking that too, we’re not alone when we have things really deeply embedded in our subconscious that’s. One reason Rick and the work he does. And what I love with tapping is that we can go in and start working with the subconscious and gently dissolve these old beliefs.

[00:15:47] Our subconscious is working with us, and I think that, uh, that’s, uh, it’s just a beautiful way to transform your lives. Um, someone else share my debt is too overwhelming. So yeah, just, just be with those feelings for a minute and rec what’s coming up for you.

[00:16:08] There’s echoes all, uh, of many of those. I think that, especially what we’ve been through in the last year, the impact that it’s had a lot of people’s lives are recalibrating. And, um, I’m drawn to remind us that. If something is like, my dad is too overwhelming. That may be true for you at a town. May also be true for a part of you, not at like a four, not overwhelm in some part of you around anything related to your finances and it creates a noise and that noise is felt in your nervous system.

[00:16:57] And you’re in your biology. It’s, it’s something that radiates from you too. Um, it impacts the way that you see things. So even if some, one of these things is a 10 for you, but the others are a four or five or a seven make note of those it’s useful to track. And like Cathy said, this is, this is a scale when we apply it, we apply these tools with the intention of getting a little bit.

[00:17:30] Palmer and a little bit more confident. We did a workshop session on that. It’s available out at thriving now about center. Um, and there will be a link in the replay as well to that. So, um, did you see some others here? Yeah. Um, so someone shared Heidi and again, I’m not sharing names cause I want to honor confidentiality, um, hiding my spending from others.

[00:17:56] And I think that’s huge. A lot of people around food and money, those are two really big things. I have to hide how much I eat. I have to hide how much I spend or what I’m spending my money on and that shame can really get toxic. We’re afraid that if we share this, we’ll be judged. Well, if other people know how much debt I have or how I’m spending my money, they’ll judge me or say that I’m not worthy.

[00:18:20] Or, you know, I know friends that sneak out in the middle of the night, so their partner doesn’t know they all the chips. And then the next one they’re like, you ate the chips. I didn’t eat the chips, like the same thing with money. There’s that, that shame. So, um, and someone said something about controls and wanting to control them.

[00:18:38] Um, another person said for another reason, I’m not willing to proceed with projects will bring me more money. It’s very odd sporadically to seven. And that’s absolutely, I think that’s one of the most beautiful things we can do. As we clear this stuff is we become open to new ways for money to come in.

[00:18:56] Well, we start clearing our blocks. So I think that subconsciously if money and I want to just quick, if it’s okay. Share with my ex my experience about tapping around money, Rick, um, I grew up with money was a conflict all the time. So for me, money and my subconscious became like snakes. My body didn’t want it around.

[00:19:17] It was going to cause conflicts. So I went from grad school, whereas making $18,000 a year, and that had to cover tuition to a job where I was making $72,000 a year, 75 and forgot what it was. It was a big job. And all of a sudden they had like much more money coming in than I needed. But somehow my system I subconscious was so scared of money.

[00:19:38] I was constantly broke. The sea would break. The tires of my car would go bad. I would spend it on something else. I was always living paycheck to paycheck and I got paid once a month. So halfway through the month, I was like, Oh, do I have enough money to get groceries? And when I started tapping on, on this, all of a sudden it was easier.

[00:19:58] There were little ways I was letting money stay in my life. And one day I looked, I’m like, there’s money in my bank. There’s like a lot of money in my bank account. How did this happen? So our subconscious will help us get away from things we’re afraid of, or that we associate with conflict. We won’t pick up that extra project or complete the extra project, or we won’t we’ll spend money in ways we don’t really need to, or we want to find different ways to do it.

[00:20:23] So I really, I love the fact that as we clear this, we can be more abundant. So I’d like to take, um, our first volunteer. Um, I’m drawn to ask Doris if you would unmute. You’d like to still join us.

[00:20:41] Hey, and of the things that you’ve tuned into. And I know that you’ve shared some things. Um, what do you feel most in your awareness right now is a block for you, a conflict for you? So the block is, um, I used to not fear making money at all. I just like went for it. Uh, I even lost nearly a million dollars, even though the stock broker I was using gave me very bad advice.

[00:21:10] And in my gut I knew what was wrong, but I listened to him because he was the professional. So I do have trust issues with money, but, um, what happened was my, uh, at that time he was my husband and he was my husband and he, I had made a lot of money. I saved, I was preparing to. Uh, leave my engineering profession to become an options trader at home.

[00:21:38] And my children were very young. I want to be home with them. I didn’t know he was doing some other things. Like, um, we spent all our buddy got us into it, like, okay, so pause right there. You’re in the story. And it’s great that you’re tapping, but I’d like you to tune into what’s the conflict, like jump go right directly to what?

[00:21:58] I have a conflict around money around. I have a conflict about making money, because if I make the money, someone’s going to come and take it all or something’s going to happen. And yeah, I just don’t feel I can make money. And even though I don’t feel like I can make money anymore, even though I don’t feel like I can make money, it was really traumatic

[00:22:26] and that’s still stuck in my system. That’s still stuck in my system. I refuse to make money. I refuse to make money. I don’t want to go through that. Kind of what, what would you call that experience? The worst? It was the worst.

[00:22:50] Wasn’t it caused by me making a lot of money. I’m sorry, what did you say? Wasn’t it caused by me making a lot of money. Wasn’t it caused by me making a lot of money. Eyebrow. I refuse to make that much money again. I refuse to make that much money again. It was the worst under the eye. What if it wasn’t about the money?

[00:23:17] What if it wasn’t under the nose? What if it was about the trustworthiness?

[00:23:25] The untrustworthiness trustworthiness, uh, what, what else did was made it the worst? The money. That’s a part of it, but what made it just horrible? I had this dream, I was on that dream. I had like a 50 year dream and I was on track and it totally derailed it. Yeah. My, my dream got derailed. My dream got derailed.

[00:23:54] The part of me is refusing to do that again. And a part of me is refusing to feel true. Yeah. I felt so ashamed. Uh, yeah, I feel so. I felt so ashamed. How is shame do you feel now that you’re courageous Lee sharing with us? How much shame zero to 10. Do you feel about that? That situation now. Bye. Yeah, eyebrow.

[00:24:23] I still have some shame here. Sorry. It’s a five part of me. Never wants to have that experience again.

[00:24:39] Part of me thinks it’s about the money,

[00:24:45] Jen,

[00:24:48] the money was definitely there,

[00:24:54] but what if I made money again? I think buddy, I guess

[00:25:03] what part of me is asking for more confidence? What part of me is asking for more confidence? I’m definitely aware that I need to call myself a bit more. I’m definitely aware of that. That was a huge trauma. The worst take a deep breath.

[00:25:27] What are you noticing? Well, I was calm when I was tapping, when Cathy was doing it, somehow your verbiage and stuff. Now it’s heard of all this stuff and I just kind of like, like, I haven’t felt, uh, I don’t feel good. I think I feel worse having it come up is powerful. It’s heartbreak. I just, wow. I mean, I’ve been tapping every day since July and I’ve not felt like that.

[00:26:01] I don’t even know eyebrow. I don’t even know why. I don’t even know why I’m being honest, that it was the worst going to BI. I really fought. It was all about the money under the nose. There’s more to it than just the money. Chad. I’m feeling some of that right now. Hold on. It’s in my system and I’m inviting my body to process it.

[00:26:40] I’ve got a lot of courage and I’ve been doing a lot of topping. I’ve been doing a lot of taffy.

[00:26:52] You’ve been doing capping on your own. Yeah. So I have like stuff of your guys’s and Carol looks at GM on her budget every single day. I’m doing tapping sometimes a lot. And, um, and as we get together in a group like this is because there’s shame involved in this and being in a circle of safe people and sharing what we’re ashamed about is going to bring up what is still frozen in us.

[00:27:25] What needs to be brought out in a way that just doing it on our own is good. It’s prep, it’s practice. It’s essential, but it’s not the same. And I’m also reflecting it back to you with some more intensity. What is there a part of you that refuses to make money? Do you ever feel her. That part of you saying, no, we’re not going to make money.

[00:27:49] And again like that. Oh, that would be, that would be horrible. Is there a part of you that says that? Well, I used to be like really brave, like a big risk taker. Uh, I, I used to just like really go for it. It didn’t matter if I knew that it was going to suffer or whatever. And just after all the stuff that I went through, I just, I don’t, when you said that I was courageous or something like that, that just kind of struck a nerve.

[00:28:20] Like that’s a lie. I’m not courageous anymore. I’m not brave the same way I have not grade the same way, but I am being courageous. Be courageous it, no matter what, no matter what. And then I got wounded. And that really is recalibrating me. Yeah. It really is recalibrating. What would it like to go for? What matters

[00:28:56] and confidence

[00:29:06] does that? How’s that feeling? Something feels a little bit better. I seem to feel like I’m just cause I, yeah, I normally don’t cry at all. It got me to Catherine tears are welcome here and probably can’t be avoided. I suspect you’ve touched a lot of heart in your, because this is something that like the personal achiever.

[00:29:36] Goes for it. Right. And death be damned, right? There’s a quality of the personal achiever that gets activated. And one of the things that trauma does is say, Oh my there’s repercussions. I believe that when we, when we are honest about the trauma and we bring that to more calm, like, okay, that was a relationship, the relationship destabilized, this was a person that took advantage.

[00:30:07] There was a lot of dynamics and I invite you to even separate out the money part of it. So that that’s clear what the dynamics were, the betrayals and other things. And when we build the confidence up. I believe that frame of reference matters and the frame of reference. So I’m going to go, I’m going to, I’ve got this bravery that just like doesn’t care.

[00:30:30] Um, you know, I care you feel, I feel you’re caring about doing it in a way that, okay, what matters, how much money’s involved in a dream that matters to me now, you know, going after money as an achievement for freedom is different than going after freedom with money as a facilitator, neither are wrong. If they’re just very different.

[00:30:55] And if Trump, well, it’s going to make us stronger. It makes us clearer. It makes us like, you know, I went through the worst. So now I’m tempered. I understand myself. I understand what matters like trustworthiness and maybe baby steps in terms of process or engagement. Um, there’s a lot of things that you can look at.

[00:31:18] And I hope that you’ll continue doing this with us, even if it’s, sometimes it brings up surprised peers. Thank you. Thank you so much. I love what you shared. Thank you so much. And I have this vision when you were sharing about like, It wouldn’t, especially when Rick was talking about tempered, instead of like all in it’s like what’s right for me now I can still be courageous, but I can also be present with taking care of myself and judging the risks.

[00:31:45] And so I imagine that would be a more adult way to, to handle it. It’s my judgment. It doesn’t mean it’s right or wrong. So thank you. Well, a more balanced approach,

[00:31:59] Rick, I, before we go on, I’ve been reading the comments and there’s a lot of info, a lot of going things going on there. I’d love to lead just a tapping around the energy of money because I’m thinking it’s important to kind of set the tone for that. Um, Overwhelming shame. If you could incorporate those karate chop.

[00:32:21] Even though I have a lot of shame around money, even though I have a lot of shame around, I should have handled it better, I should have handled it better. I should have, I should have more. And it’s evil. Part of me definitely feels that he is evil and I don’t want to have any, I can’t say that some people might feel that I don’t.

[00:32:47] Part of me feels like I shouldn’t have any of it. Part of me feels like I shouldn’t have any of it, or they shouldn’t be even needed necessary. And part of me worries that if I, if I have money, I’m taking it from other people. Pardon me? Where is it? If I, if I use money, I’m taking it from other people. No wonder, I feel conflicted around money.

[00:33:11] No wonder. I feel really conflicted around money, all the shame and angst, all the shame on top of that, I’m really conflicted around money.

[00:33:26] I know money is like air, like air side of the eye. It’s a form of abundance all around me, all around me under the, I would, if I just let myself be supported by the universe, what if I let myself feel supported by the universe under the nose air,

[00:33:53] chin air can do bad things to people sometimes. Eric can do bad things to people. Sometimes there’s hurricanes and tornadoes, there’s hurricanes and tornadoes under the arm. Does that mean we shouldn’t have any air top of it? Most of the time air is really useful to us.

[00:34:17] I brought, I don’t have to do a lot to allow it in and I don’t have to do a lot to allow it in side of the eye. And if I hold my breath, hold my breath under the eye, it doesn’t help anybody else have more air help. Anyone else have more air under the nose? What if I could let go of some of this conflict around money?

[00:34:40] What if I could let go of some of this conflict around money? Jen? What if I realized that a lot of the angst I feel around money, I realize a lot of the angst I feel around money. Letting go of some of the angst I have around money Taliban, maybe it was never the money’s fault. Maybe it’s never the money’s fault under the arm.

[00:35:04] Maybe my parents and friends and loved ones didn’t have good boundaries. Maybe my parents and friends and loved ones didn’t have good boundaries sometimes it’s just not fair. Yeah. So it tells it sometimes it is not fair.

[00:35:23] I do want to say there are people that, um, especially marginalized communities, which would they struggle with getting money. There’s a lot of systematized legal things that keep making it harder to get money. And I think that when caring people allow themselves to be abundant, we can do more to help them.

[00:35:42] We’re not withholding it and even marginalized communities as they let go of some of the blocks, they’re still systematized things, but it makes it easier to get some abundance in there. We can’t fight the system as high as they, the legal things that are there by with, by making ourselves poor. It won’t change anything.

[00:36:05] So when I, I struggle with that. Sometimes I see people that aren’t people of color or trans people not being able to get jobs or whatever it is. They’re struggling with that because of how much our society is against believes that you know, has stupid beliefs about humans are humans. And yet if I don’t let myself have abundance, I’m not actually helping them.

[00:36:26] If I, if I’m also struggling, I have less to give and I can, I can fight it less well. So I just, I think the more we can allow ourselves to have this abundance to notice that, Oh, this air that I’m breathing right this minute is nourishing my body. The universe gave it to me. And if I hold my breath, it’s not going to give it to someone who’s struggling for breath.

[00:36:50] So I can breathe and allow this abundance nourish be, and that I can decide how I want to support other people. And the same with money. If I can let this abundance in money is just a form of energy. They print it. It’s not actual, like if I take an extra dollar, if I do it, unethically that’s different.

[00:37:09] But if I do it ethically and I add value to the world and they accept money in, or I win the lottery, it doesn’t matter if I don’t cheat at the lottery, then that abundance is mine and I can use it to nurture myself and those I love and help make the world a place I want to live in. Is that I just wanted to, I just saw a lot of shame and conflict, and I know that’s very deeply embedded for many of us, but the more times we hear it, what if money is just like air?

[00:37:35] I can just say, Hey universe, I’m going to clear my blocks. And I’m going to find new ways to let this in because it feels good to have some money in the bank. It feels good to know my, my debts are paid off or if I want to go on that trip or if I want to give money to this person, um, then I can do that.

[00:37:52] So I just wanted to paint that picture. Yeah. It feels like the, in the calming, there’s a, there’s an allowing one more calming our system. We’re saying that this energy is a NA we’ve made it a part of our world and it’s okay to allow it in the confidence thing to me says, and it’s likely to be involved in me making a difference for others.

[00:38:20] That’s usually the way that money flows. We provide a service. We provide a difference. Um, we can provide lots of differences that don’t involve money at all. Um, but you know, my sense of the energy of money is that we, we make a difference. We watch someone’s child and we get paid something. We do that. So let’s um, if you have your hand raised, I’d like to, um, invite us to do some, we have 20 minutes left.

[00:38:51] I’d like to do some short rounds. So if you have your hand raised and we call on you by a drop right into the conflict so that we can get tapping and see if we can get, um, you know, maybe three or sound good. And if you’re on the phone, I think it’s Megan.

[00:39:16] Bye.

[00:39:20] You have two things, but what came up with the air is like, I’d love to be able to receive an open and allow more air and money. I know that’s tied to my health. So, um, and then underneath that before, was I miss being able to make money? Yeah. Can we take the second one? Is that whatever, whatever you’re, whatever you’d like, what’s, what’s, uh, what’s, uh, something that you miss about making money?

[00:39:51] What, what mattered to you in that, that exchange of I miss having more freedoms, more choice and power, like felt it had more autonomy and it was less reliant. Yeah, Roddy chop, even, even though money is freedom in certain ways, even though money is freedom in certain ways. And I miss not being able to make money,

[00:40:30] make money.

[00:40:36] I accept where I am and how I feel. I’m trying to accept where I am.

[00:40:48] I miss making the money, making the money. It really made me feel what.

[00:41:09] Yeah. I want to feel like a strong person.

[00:41:20] That’d be, there’s a lot of background noise. Sorry. The, I want to feel that alive, honest, you really want to feel that alive. Yes. I want to feel that strength. I want to feel that strength do I have to make money to feel that? Do I have to make money to feel that Jen, I’m wondering I have to make money in order to feel bad.

[00:41:51] I’m wondering if I have to make money in order to feel that hold pro belief about not making money. And there’s such a cultural belief about not making money. Yeah. Yeah. People look down on people that can’t make money. People look down on people who can’t make money. They don’t understand. And they judge.

[00:42:17] Yeah. What if I allowed myself to feel more confident anyway, what if I allowed myself to feel more competent than you? My a liveliness does not have to be like how much money I make my Ms. Doesn’t have to be tied to how much money I make.

[00:42:45] Yeah. Okay. So that’s that I, as a coach, I would say that’s where some work is because a liveliness before we had money, people felt alive or not so alive. It, regardless of whether they made money, there were people that were great hunters and there were people that did other things, but it wasn’t about the money.

[00:43:07] And yet I really, and truly money as a way that we’ve stupidly decided to keep score about like someone’s value.

[00:43:21] Yeah. All you have to do is look at the list of millionaires and billionaires and know that that’s not necessarily correlated. So I, I believe that part of this process is to look at our fundamental, like what we struggle with and associations with money letting go of some of those. And there’s yeah.

[00:43:48] There’s things that you can’t do that you’re not free to do that. If you had more money, you would be alive, allowed to do. And supported in doing I’m not diminishing that. Yeah. Does that, does that make sense? Yeah, I think there’s like an undercurrent of like, I am this one girlfriend who works for Mercedes and she always prides herself on, she doesn’t live on a budget and she has a four bedroom house and just all of the luxury with, and I don’t want to have that jealousy and that envy, I, it makes the relationship sticky for me.

[00:44:24] Yeah. That would be where some applying the calming down the, the primitive brain jealousy status thing and building up the competence around, you know, I can feel a lot I’ve I have felt alive in ways that are independent of how much money I have and don’t have. Okay. Thanks for giving us that example on your, your courage to.

[00:44:55] More happy. Great. Um, are you picking people in order or no? Whatever your intuition

[00:45:09] is easier. Margot, have you been reading or asking them yet? Well, the super short version is my husband and I had been separated a couple of years. I remember thinking to myself, boy, that’d be pretty well off if he died. And three weeks later, the police showed up on my doorstep and told me he was dead

[00:45:31] karate chop. Even though I had this thought know, I had this thought and I feel pretty guilty that I have this money pretty guilty. I didn’t actually do anything to harm him. He didn’t do anything to harm him. I acknowledged the fact acknowledge the fact I didn’t harm him. It didn’t harm him. The universe, at least some abundance.

[00:45:55] I told him not to buy the motorcycle

[00:46:01] and he made his own choices. He made his own choices. Top of the head. I did not harm him. I did not harm him. I rather, the universe sent me that money. You never sent me that money with love. How did the, I have guilt that I have this money guilt that I have this money under the eye. Maybe if I didn’t have that thought, I hadn’t had that thought under the nose.

[00:46:25] He wouldn’t have crashed his motorcycle. Trust his motorcycle chin. Wow. I didn’t know. My thoughts were that powerful, absolutely powerful thought collarbone. My thoughts didn’t hurt him under the arm. What if I could just allow this abundance? What if I could just allow this abundance in helping the head?

[00:46:46] What would that mean to me? Would that mean to me? I brought, what would I have to feel if I just accepted this abundance? What would I have to feel if I just accepted this abundance outside of the night? Cause there’s guilt prevents me from feeling some other things. Guilt definitely prevents me from feeling some other things under the eye.

[00:47:05] It’s the lid on the pot, under the nose. What if I took the lid off the pot, pull it off and felt all the feelings that come up and all the feelings that come up collarbone and tapped and cleared them and tapped, and then cleared them under there. I mean, I just lived with myself in this abundance and just lived with myself.

[00:47:29] What if I could be grateful and enjoy it? If I could be grateful and enjoy it, take a nice deep breath. What are you noticing? Coming up? This still a little calmer. That guilt can be really deep when we were little kids. When we’re learning about the world, little kids think their thoughts create things is how their brains work.

[00:47:55] So little kids, three to five years old, think that anything happens is because of them. That’s just how their brains work doesn’t mean it’s true. But many of us still live in a brain with a thought pattern. Like if I think bad things, something awful will happen to someone and that’s not true. We can think horrible thoughts about people.

[00:48:14] And if we don’t go out and do something to the brakes on the motorcycle, it’s not our fault if a motorcycle crashes. Um, and I do think that, you know, a lot of people get abundance and they mix it in with like Rick often uses the analogy of making this beautiful chocolate cake and then mixing shit in with the frosting.

[00:48:34] We do that to ourselves and prevent ourselves from really enjoying life. And I just, I, you know, the more we can realize, Oh, okay. At least I know what I’m doing. I’m mixing be aware and acknowledge, Hey, okay. Now I’m mixing shit in with the frosting. Then we can just, it starts to be silly after a while, as opposed to something that we should do.

[00:48:56] Does that make any sense? Great. Thank you. Thanks Marco.

[00:49:10] I, I, I’m very, I’m angry, uh, that I have not had the same opportunity to make money as people in similar situations, the lawyer brain equal all that crap and it’s, it’s blocking me and it’s stuck energy and angry and angry in me. It’s stuck in me. I’m angry about all these rolls of money that I didn’t get all the rules of money behind me that I didn’t get with all that money.

[00:49:48] I could have filled my masters with cash. Yeah. And I’m angry that those opportunities would you call them or what you were blocked from what being valued and treated with fair, like fairness. I, yeah. I want to live on the planet where they treat me fairly angry. I don’t live on the planet where they value me and give me the money I deserve.

[00:50:18] I’m angry that I live on this planet. Yeah. And I’m angry. I was in that situation. All of those situations wasn’t fair. And it wasn’t fair. It absolutely positively. Wasn’t fair. It wasn’t fair. And I missed out and they have more money than me. And it’s not fair. Yeah, because money is always about fairness.

[00:50:45] Money is always about fairness. The truth is it’s not fair. Truth is it’s not fair. It wasn’t about value. It wasn’t about value. Not always about value. It wasn’t about value. I’m angry that the system works this way. I’m angry

[00:51:10] and I don’t want to let it stop me from, I don’t want to let it stop me from being happy and calm and confident. Yeah. I don’t want to let that situation stop me from being far more confident around money that got me.

[00:51:40] So you like to be valued, right? Yes. And, and I don’t mean like your wise self, but like your primal self, how much does it think that money is? The indicator of value? 10, even though a part of me is absolutely condensed. Even a part of me is absolutely convinced that money, the amount of money you have, not the money that you have, the amount of money that you’re paid and that money that you’re paid indicates your value indicates your value.

[00:52:19] And I am worth more than that. I am worth more than that. I’m worth more than I’ve been paid. I’m worth more than I’ve been paid. Does that feel true? Yes. Oh, I’ve absolutely been worth more than I’ve been paid. Absolutely. Then worth more than I didn’t paid our brow. I know people that have been paid a lot more than they’re worth.

[00:52:42] I know a lot of people who’ve been paid a lot more than the first or the art, but I thought it was about the money. I thought it was about the money. Part of me is convinced about the money. Army is convinced it’s about the money under the nose. Pardon me was condensed and is convinced still it’s about the money.

[00:53:06] Pardon me? He’s convinced it’s about the money. Part of me knows it’s not true. And part of me knows it’s not true. Where do I want to feel confident? Where do I want to feel confident? How do I already relate to people that make less money than I do? How do I already relate to people who make lots, a lot less money, greet them as less valuable?

[00:53:34] Absolutely not.

[00:53:37] You know, thoughts? Where are we not about the money?

[00:53:44] It’s not about the money, right? It’s like, I don’t care how many points an NBA team makes. I don’t, I don’t follow the basketball, but points in basketball matter than amount of points that someone scores the, uh, it’s a way of keeping score. And they’re definitely people that you, you and I could go and we could lay out our assets, our net worth.

[00:54:14] And they would rank us based solely on the number of money points that we have and that’s, and that’s the game, right? So part of this on the calm confidence is I believe that finding a ground in what you’ve, what you value, what you value, where you want to play and creating a bit of distance between an primal brain status status status.

[00:54:43] Where do I, they’re not creating me with the same status. They’re not giving me the same uniform. I don’t have the same metals. I don’t have the same gold epaulets. I don’t have the same, you know, it’s just like reeks out. That’s the part to me that, that when we calm it just a little bit. What is the confidence it’s this is what I value.

[00:55:04] This is what I live. This is how I view the world. This is the world I’m creating. This is what I’m modeling. This is what I’m mentoring. This is the way I’m really wanting things to be. And that’s what matters to me. That, to me, gives us a kind of energy to know that there are games being played around money.

[00:55:26] So many games. I use the sports analogy because I used to care about those things and I don’t anymore. So it’s really works for me. So if, if you used to care about anything out there that people get really into, and I think are really important, that nothing else matters as much as their team winning or them winning.

[00:55:46] Um, and it doesn’t matter to you anymore. You can build your confidence, like, yeah. That used to matter to me. And I’m slowly or I’m open to shifting. How’s the anger. Good. I’m realizing that I, what I want to do with my work is to change the inequality and the inequity that is happening in the whole system.

[00:56:06] So I know I’m in, I’m one of the people changing the system and I am changing the system. That’s what I’m doing. Yeah, of course. There’s anger there. I’m angry on behalf of everybody else. And I want to create something now and I want to create something new. I’m co-creating something now. And co-creating something already shifted.

[00:56:31] I’ve already shifted and I’m not done. I’m not done. It’s not like it was at my last work. Oh. And the work’s not done or it’s not done. And I want to feel more calm, status and value. Then we’re just talking about status and value. And I want to feel more confident about what matters to me. And I want to feel confident because this matters, it matters.

[00:57:00] And not just to me and not just to me. So including yourself, it matters and not just to me, but to a part of our community, the circle, the people that also are seeing and exploring and trying to model a different way. Okay. Yeah. Thank you. Thank you so much. I love that. True. And I think the more we clear our blocks, whether it’s financial or health, or like just like money is used to status.

[00:57:32] So is image and weight. And like there’s so many things that are in the way of actually living authentic lives. Uh, the more we clear that the more we’re role models we’re creating the world we want to live in. And I think that’s so, I’m so passionate by that. I love what you shared. And each of you shared because nowhere, no matter where we are in the journey for stock, they can’t really shine.

[00:57:54] He can’t really help role model to other people. Hey, listen. Yeah. I felt, I felt guilty sometimes too, but I want to just live my life. I’m going to be here now. I’m not going to keep living in a pot on top with all the mess we’re blur. Burbling inside dragging my life down. I’m going to choose to like take off the pot and look at the mess and clear it out and be here.

[00:58:16] And now in this life, that’s so beautiful that has inequities that we can, we can work to fix. And it has joy and it has pain some days, but the, we get to live this life now. And I love that we are here together clearing because I think as a group, we hear more powerfully. Um, yeah. Thank you all. Um, this continues, um, I I’d like us.

[00:58:42] I’m inviting that. We talk about these emotional work that we do as real skills. They are talents. They add value. If you are the type of person that can be a bit more calm and be confident about what matters to you and that there’s a baby step that you can take, including just being with where, where we are right now.

[00:59:07] That, when you do that, you’re setting a tone where I have a vision that matters to me that we start reading emotional work healing from traumas, from betrayals in the past about shots and traumas and surprises that kind of unsettle us about like, Oh, there’s money involved here. Does it mean that that’s tied to this debt or what I’ve thought this is, this is really useful because it, it occurs everywhere in every relationship.

[00:59:41] There are, there are aspects of this that come into play. And as we do this work ourselves, we are capable of holding space for someone else who is a little bit less calm and a lot less confident about it. We can be like, Oh yeah. And that’s, it’s important to us. And it’s important in our relationships. So, um, part of this, again, as a workshop, we only, we crammed a lot in, on our obviously and the workshop part of it continues.

[01:00:13] There’s a place for you to give consideration deep consideration, to even craft something that you want to share out on thriving now.center. Um, And that’s what I want, because I believe that, uh, we are the people that are going to happen to our own wisdom. We’re going to share experiences. We’re going to get clarity.

[01:00:39] We’re going to express something that matters. That’s going to resonate with someone else and ideas will spread. And when ideas and attitudes spread that are really nourishing like this, then we do leave a lot more room for people to thrive is that you’re invited. And we’d love to hear from you driving now that center.

[01:00:59] Thank you, Cathy. And all of you, this serve you. Okay. I am going to, um, wave goodbye to the people that are maybe watching a replay, and then we’re going to unmute, uh, here. So you’ve been around.

If you’re not already a member of the Center, go ahead and click [Sign Up] above :arrow_heading_up: - Welcome!

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Replay is available (above) and also a computer generated transcript if that is helpful for anyone (below the video player), and @Cathy and I would love to hear what your noticing after the session.

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I am noticing I feel a little lighter. I drank so much water during and after the session. There seemed to have been some big shift inside me, but we shall see. That resistance to me making money again seems less. Thank you so much, Rick and Cathy.

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What came up for me during the Money & Abundance workshop was a little bit of guilt for feeling from a young age that money and abundance have always flowed to me. It wasn’t until I was in my 30s that it occurred to me that I needed to consciously/gratefully take care of and nurture that flow, ie start budgeting and saving! Another issue that came up for me was betrayal/disappointment after I helped a friend in need with a loan that 7 years later has not been repaid. I’ve learned not to loan money to a friend that I’m not prepared to give as a gift and, importantly not to shut down on being a generous person because I was betrayed.

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I’m so glad. When we have that kind of derailment (trauma and betrayal and loss) there are usually different emotional aspects and associations our brain makes.

Have you ever written out the “story” of that? I had a HUGE financial loss back when, and even after it wasn’t holding me back in any obvious way, I decided to write it out… include more of the emotional aspects and beliefs I was holding at the time. I read it aloud, tapped while I did, pausing after each sentence to feel, tap, and notice where the intensity level was 0-10.

After 4-5 rounds of doing that, I can honestly say I felt like I had mined through a sixteen ton pile of compost… and discovered a rich wisdom that continues to compound and add value to my life to this day. And those riches were not fear-thoughts (Never trust anyone again!!). They were recognitions about what is really important to me, what ways my work (and what I will do – and not do – for money) interweaves with what matters most to my heart.

So appreciate you, Doris. Thanks for volunteering, and thanks for joining the circle, too! I added you to the members-only group, and you should see the new Circle Members category show up for you when you look at topics.

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I landed on that wisdom myself. Indeed, while I might loan to a friend, I am more likely to do it on a pay-it-forward agreement gift basis.

Money is such a complicated energy. It seems to have so many fables around it. I do think it benefits from the kind of conscious tending we’d give to something we cared about.

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Here are some anonymized comments from the chat during this workshop session:

  • My debt is too overwhelming!
  • Will I start to spend too much?
  • Hiding my spending from others
  • For some reason I am not willing/able to proceed with projects that will bring me more money! It is very odd!
  • Having a lot of money is immoral, evil, taking from others.
  • I grew up with my Dad using money to try to control us.
  • Money issues are also linked to conflict - extreme family discord, betrayal, etc.
  • I have lived paycheck to paycheck my whole life regardless of how much I made. I am ashamed that I couldn’t and still can’t make ends meet and provide for my daughter. I associate my value with $. Little money means little value.
  • I’m extremely grateful that I have medical insurance and $ to pay for any and all needed specialists. At the same time, I feel like it’s not ok cuz we have already spent enough on me and my medical problems.
  • I’d like to let go of the anger I have about not making more money especially earlier in my career due to blatant and unfair gender discrimination. I’m so angry at the inequality that I have faced and I see others facing every day. I almost wish I wasn’t aware of this. It makes me feel angry and victimized.
  • I feel guilty because I inherited a fair amount when my husband (from whom I was separated) got killed in an accident.
  • I have value whether or not I am able to make money.

Any of these resonate / activate you?

Thanks to all who helped co-create this exchange! More please!

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Thank you, Rick. I’m going to do what you suggested - write out my story and the detailed emotions. It’s complicated. I think my Dad is the main source of these things and some things came out today when talking to him as I got emotional at his non-sensicleness. That put me in tears. Normally I’m not a person that cries hardly.

It helped to talk to my Mom and my husband afterwards. I want to get those 16 tons or however tons of doodoo off me. I no longer want to be hanging around these tombs. I’m not going to spend the next 40+ years being like how my Dad is and has always been.

I’m excited to join the Circle. I think the tapping yesterday helped free me up to be able to join the Circle emotionally.

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Welcome Doris! I, too am going to write my financial story. I have always believed that the act of writing something down gives it strength and new insights.

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Thank you, Norene. Glad to be here.

It’s interesting because my financial story seems to have to deal more with my dad than with the actual fallout over a decade ago. I’m actually private blogging it and I’m CAPITALIZING and highlighting the emotions I feel. There is a pattern. And ask Rick has said, it’s much less about the money. Very eye-opening.

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Money as a means by my dad to control us. Also, he used it as a means to define one’s self-worth.

If you have enough money, you don’t need anyone - that’s something my dad believes.

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I realized from some hard lessons to not LOAN things to other people, because I’ve found most people (minus my family), very rarely give back whatever they loan. And that creates in me anger and resentment from loaning people I trust stuff and then them not following through on their word.

Instead, I choose to give instead of loan. That way, I’m not expecting it back. That is much easier to deal with - gifting. If I’m not ready to gift, then I don’t “loan” or “gift”. Isn’t it sad that people don’t care about their own personal integrity enough, even with small things? But I’ve had to learn to let go of that, too.

My husband comes from Colombia, immigrated from there and became a naturalized citizen 1.5 yrs ago. Though he was a software engineer there, he got paid very poorly. In the U.S., he gets paid decently. He has some friends that have needed money and have asked us for loans. I knew that if they didn’t pay us back, my husband would harbor ill feelings towards his lifelong friends, so even if we had to reign in things for a short bit to help them out, I said we will not loan, rather we would gift them the money.

When you gift, you don’t expect anything back in return (at least we don’t).

Wow, this just revealed some things to me that I need to write in my financial story.

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Money is a form of stored energy.

Energy is power.

How people orient towards power will almost always tell you a lot about how they orient towards money.

Interesting, isn’t it?

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That is quite interesting.

Rick, you actually just opened my eyes to something I’d never seen before. If money is stored energy (potential or kinetic energy). Energy is power - well, actually speaking from a mechanical engineering point of view, energy actually is power times time.

How do you want that energy to be? How do you want to use your time? How do you want to use that power?

That is quite interesting and I’m loving this perspective.

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Ah! Ooooooh!

Time is money.

I used to hear that. Your words point to to something that feels more true. Energy is power times time. How we orient our power, how we employ our time… gives us that E(nergy)-motional experience of life.

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