I'm So Afraid of Being WRONG

 Real Skills Workshop - Community Event


RS 2021-10-26 Wrong-1200x630

I’m So Afraid of Being WRONG

Real Skills Workshop: Be Calm and Confident

Hosts: Rick Wilkes (@Rick) and Cathy Vartuli (@Cathy)

Recorded Tue Oct 26, 2021

:point_right: Replay is below

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You’re right!!!

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Haha I can’t help it, Wrongness is imprinted in my name. Jun (W) rong! Ughh used to away get teased for this 🥲

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I think it’s right to be Rong…
Are you waiting to become Mr. (W)right? :slight_smile:

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Ahah, @Glenn I use this phrase as my Instagram bio tagline, to remind myself that xD

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Are You Afraid of Being… Wrong?

Is it the being wrong… or is it the being punished?

Yes, criticism (the way most do it) is a form of punishment.

My Dad spanked. Do something wrong? Whack!

Of course, wrong is in the eye of the… spanker? criticizer? grader? boss? abuser?

Tragically, fear of being wrong suppresses all the Good Stuff like creativity, happy relating, acts of service… and emotional freedom.

Emotions get labelled as wrong, even punished, it’s no wonder people feel suppressed and dis-eased.

Don’t get me started on basic human NEEDS being “wrong.” Need reassurance? Comfort? Support? Kindness? Closeness? Recognition for who you are and what you do? Uhh, someone somewhere (maybe under the same roof) considers having those needs WRONG.

It’s time to tap on this, do you agree?

Our next Real Skills Workshop is tomorrow (Oct 26. Cathy and I hope you’ll join us to gain some ease and freedom… so that we can be ourselves more, more inwardly directed, and quiet the anticipatory punishment we expect if we’re wrong.

If this isn’t a yes for you, and you do not attend, you of course have done nothing wrong . Emotional Freedom!

May we all have the calm confidence to know what is right for us, and feel free to take inspired action.

:point_right: Replay is below

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I’m So Afraid of Being WRONG - Session Recording

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Click for Computer Generated Transcript

I’m So Afraid of Being WRONG
[00:00:00] Excellent. All right, welcome everyone today. We’re talking about, I’m so afraid of being wrong, and I think this is like a perfect time to do this. We’re Halloween’s coming up. We’re all facing some of our fears and some of the things that haunt us and for many of us, that fear of being wrong, not as in making a mistake, which we all.
[00:00:24] But for being wrong is very powerful. And then any little flaws we have or any mistakes we make echo off of that and ping off of that and make us feel very shameful. And I think this is a perfect time to do some trick or treating with that. A part of us that’s really afraid all the time and very shame filled.
[00:00:43] So I’m Kathy artillery from the intimacy dojo.com and try me now to come here with the amazing Rick books from Hy-Vee now that count, and we’re going to be working with you on your fears around this. And so if you’d like to share in the chat while we’re getting, we’re going over some of this early stuff, where do you feel wrong?
[00:01:03] Like there are certain areas in your life where you’re really pinged around this, or is it your whole life? You walk around with it, or when you’re doing something new, where do you feel this like, fear of being wrong? You Rick, thank you, Gabby. Um, it’s one of those. Things that can be working underneath the surface.
[00:01:28] Um, I used to say, I’m sorry all the time. I still do all the time and I, I still am above average, easily thing. I’m sorry. Um, even when I’m not clear, why typhoon in India? Oh, I’m so sorry. I had nothing to do. And if you’re new to tapping, you’ll be seeing us do this. Um, at thriving now.com/tapping is a free guide.
[00:01:57] We’re not going to be teaching EFT topic today, but you can usually follow along and invite you to do so. Um, so for, for me, one of the things that still is an activates, that feeling in my core, like, oh, I’m wrong. Um, and I, in the newsletters that we put out inviting you. There was a little test of, you know, how to, how to tell kind of where, how big a deal this is for you.
[00:02:31] Um, and you say, as you tune in to an area, which is a little tender for you, like for me, it’s relationships. If, if somebody that I’m with doesn’t look happy, there is often if I’m tired or been trying to make things right. And there’ll be a sense of like, oh, I’m I’m wrong. And it’s a little different than I did something wrong.
[00:03:04] And what we can do is if you, as you tune into a situation where you get that feeling of, I am wrong, just say it out loud, I am wrong. And notice how strong it feels in your core. Zero to 10. And that’s, you’re not trying to be medically accurate. We’re giving kind of a range like for you, like how intense does it feel?
[00:03:31] Um, today was a bit of a like
[00:03:38] difficult day. Like, um, baby was crying a lot and we were trying to get ready for a guest tomorrow and everything was taking a lot longer. Um, and I noticed which often comes up when I’m doing one of these real skills workshops, like, oh, I got this feeling like I am wrong because. My, my baby girl is really unhappy, or my partner looks stressed.
[00:04:08] I am wrong. And right now, as I tune into that, it’s as high as a sex. Now, if it’s above a two for you, it’s affecting your energy, it’s affecting your sense of yourself. It’s affecting your, your behavior. Um, That’s what I I’ve come to know. Yeah. I think it’s, it’s a very, it becomes a prevalent note in our, in our system and that shame as we walk around the world, as adults, people can pick up on that.
[00:04:40] And I think it’s sort of a weakness. People can know that, oh, that person doesn’t feel. Confident in themselves. And I think people will try to steer us by it. They’re like, oh, I can’t. If I can figure out how to make that person feel more wrong, I can use it as rains to get them to do what I want or to cross their boundaries or to do, to conform to what I need.
[00:05:02] And many of us learned this when we were very, very little, uh, it could be, maybe our parents were really overwhelmed and blamed us, which is a really common practice. If someone’s overwhelmed, they can either blame themselves or blame outward. And we might’ve been taken that on someone in the chat shared that they were, um, being queer, growing up and trans, uh, is part of that and cath in a Catholic upbringing.
[00:05:29] And for me, I know I, uh, I identify as queer. I date awesome people. I don’t particularly care what gender they are, but growing up. There wasn’t a role model for me liking women. And I w I got a lot of shame for that. I held one of my friend’s hand in sixth grade, actually comforting her purse because her parents had died, but people were like, are you gay?
[00:05:50] And I didn’t even know what gay meant. And they went home and my mom was just like, just don’t hold anyone’s hand anymore at school. That’s just not right. But I knew something was off. Something was not okay. So like, we internalize that. It’s just like, there, if there’s not role models for who we are in the world, um, or how we walk through the world, then we might get that sense of, oh, I don’t know.
[00:06:14] We don’t see ourselves. Like I was back to the Sesame square Sesame street where they had the four pictures and like, which one doesn’t belong. And I felt like that person that didn’t belong because there wasn’t anyone talking about what I was feeling or express, you know what you’re curious about, like, oh, and I’m not allowed to talk on about it.
[00:06:33] So when you’re feeling these feelings, you know, w we want to have a safe space here where you can explore them and discover you’re not alone. So I really appreciate all the shares, someone else that I have a constant nagging feeling that there’s something wrong with me, but I don’t know what exactly it is.
[00:06:48] And often find myself stuck in the mindset of trying to hunt and search it out with the idea that if only I could remove it, I’d be okay. Um, so yeah, I think there’s a lot of that there. So as we’re exploring that, um, It’s just, I think it’s important to realize we all have different reasons that we feel like we don’t belong.
[00:07:10] And yet we’re all in the same club in that we often don’t feel, we feel like there’s something that doesn’t fit in the world. I think partly because our world wants us all, like we are sold on TV and media, this conventional, lucky, white slender, young fit, happy thing. We’re supposed to match the cookie cutters.
[00:07:32] And nobody actually looks like that. Even the models in those photos. Um, and so there’s a sense of like, oh, we’re not okay. We’re not there yet. We’re we’re not good enough. Having that sense of wrong. This actually works for Mo for media because their advertising, they make their money on selling us stuff.
[00:07:51] And if we don’t feel like we fit, we’re going to spend whatever we can to try to get so that we can fit in. We’re going to like take whatever class or buy whatever deodorant or toothbrush toothpaste, or clothing or car that will make us feel it. Let us pretend a little bit that we’re, that we’re a little bit closer to what is okay.
[00:08:11] And I think that’s an never, only con because we can never pretend our way into feeling. Okay. I think that what we want to do is instead if we can own that part of us never felt that felt like we belonged or that we have some shame and let ourselves heal that and realize we’re, we’re amazing just as we are.
[00:08:33] And our difference actually is, is wonderful. We’re we’re right now, landing on one aspect of the us, which is I don’t fit. Didn’t fit, never fit. And therefore, oh, I must be wrong. Like that’s one doorway that this kind of finds its way into our core. And I I’d like to do some tapping on, on that. So we use tapping to acknowledge an awareness if it’s not true for you, as you tap on that, you’d be like, oh, huh?
[00:09:08] Yeah, this isn’t mine. Um, that’s great. If you start getting emotional, remember you can ground yourself and that’s okay. Because that’s part of what we do with energy work is we activate it and we bring soothing to comfort points on the Meridian system to help shift the energy all the way into our viscera, into our organs and our spine.
[00:09:36] All those energies tires. So just start where, whatever you’re feeling, we tap on the side of the hand first, even though I didn’t fit in, even though I didn’t fit in, never really fit in with, I never really fit in with them. And a part of me decided that I was wrong and a part of me decided I was wrong.
[00:10:05] Ouch. Top of the head, I did not fit in. I did not fit in eyebrow. Sometimes I still don’t fit. Sometimes I still don’t fit in pretty much every day. I feel like I don’t fit in pretty much every day. I feel like I don’t fit in onto the ice. So often I feel like I don’t fit
[00:10:31] under the nose. Does that mean I am wrong? Does that mean I’m wrong? Pardon me is convinced I am wrong. Finding these convinced I am wrong. Hold on. I am wrong. I am wrong. I am wrong. I am wrong. I am wrong. I am wrong eyebrow. What if I’m wrong for being wrong for being wrong? What if I’m wrong about being wrong?
[00:11:00] What if I’m wrong about being wrong? I would so not fit in so not fit in. I don’t know. It’s really confusing to me. It’s really confusing to me. I didn’t fit on often. I don’t fit in. I don’t fit. Fitting in is the most important thing. Isn’t it in the end is the most important thing. Isn’t it? That’s what I’m looking for.
[00:11:37] But our survival brain does think, look, look for that because when about the time that part of our brain, our social survival brain was forming, we were in small communities. And if our community didn’t love and support us and respect us, if we broke a leg, they weren’t going to help us. If the food is scarce, we might not get it.
[00:11:56] So there is a part of our brain that is looking how well do I fit in with the people in power? How well do I conform? Am I, and there were survival does work in terms of DNA. Like if I can form enough to get offspring, then I’ve kind of won this, the evolutionary gambit, so to speak. So the survival brain that.
[00:12:17] Mash meshed and fit in was more likely to pass DNA down. Let’s do a tapping for us about like that primal feeling of, oh, I’m not fitting in. So I must be looking at me like I’m wrong. So I must be kind of thing. Would that be karate chop? Hey, survival brain. I get it. I get it. It’s a horrible feeling. It’s a horrible feeling when people look at to get us and you know that we’re not fitting in.
[00:12:53] Yeah. When people look at us and we know that we’re not fitting in, they’re kind of judging us. Definitely judging us, looking down on us, looking down on us, wondering why we didn’t know better wondering why. I didn’t know, better didn’t fit in. It’s a horrible really suck. And I have, I have good news for you.
[00:13:20] Ah, copy is good news for us a long time ago, it was really important to mesh with those around us a long time ago. It was really important to mesh with those around us. Now there’s 7 billion people have a plan. Now there’s 7 billion people. Most definitely don’t. Um, most of us are connected by internet.
[00:13:45] Most of us are connected by internet and we can find each other or we can find each other on this call alone. There’s people from all over the world on this call alone. They’re people from all over the world who really get what we’re talking about. You really get what we’re talking about.
[00:14:07] That’s a relief. We don’t fit in with everyone. We do not fit in with everyone. And I get that, that scares you sometimes. And I get scared sometimes side of the eye, but there are people that really do get us. There are people that really do get us and to the eye. It’s okay. To spend time trying to find them.
[00:14:32] It’s okay. To spend time trying to find them under the nose, rather than trying to pretend. We’re like those other people. Yeah. Um, rather than try to pretend we’re like those other people, because that is really wrong. That’s really wrong. Hello, everyone. It’s protecting wrong for me. It’s protective.
[00:14:53] Protective. It’s protective, but it’s not authentic. It’s not authentic top of the head and we want to be real in this land. And we want to be real and free in this life. Yeah. Just take a breath and notice how that feels to you. We’re not saying that if you’re in the middle of something, with what you’re confronted with a bunch of people and you feel unsafe, you shouldn’t pretend that can be useful at times, like to get through an incident.
[00:15:21] But I don’t think any of us want to live our entire life pretending. We want to be able to be ourselves and find people that can really see us. And that’s one reason. I love these groups that Rick calls together because we’re not alone. We’re here together, healing these old wounds. And I think about how early, a lot of this forms, I see Rick and his and gem with his partner with, uh, a little baby, a Dera.
[00:15:48] Many of you see. Maybe at the bottom of the newsletter. I don’t know if you’re like me, but I scroll all the way down. As soon as I get the newsletter and see what pictures of the deer. And then I go back up to the top and read the newsletter, but I watched them with her and they are both very educated, very aware parents.
[00:16:06] And they, they spent so much of their energy and time taking care of her and they still get frustrated sometimes. I’ve never seen them shame her, but I’ve seen them like, you know, their eye bags under their eyes. And they’re just like, she just won’t stop crying. And I can imagine that parents that were less aware, less resource, less willing to put, put themselves out, could easily shame her.
[00:16:30] Like, look what she, and I’ve actually heard my mother say this. She said this to my niece. It was Christmas Eve. And my niece wouldn’t go to bed. She was very excited. She was five, there were so many presents under the tree. And she was like bouncing all over the place. And my mom had told her to go to bed three times and my niece didn’t, she was like running around excited.
[00:16:50] And my mom turned to her and said, you ruined Christmas former for me. And that little girl’s face crumpled. She like really believed that this was her grandmother who she adored had, had her Christmas ruined. And I know she carries that. We’ve talked about it. So parents. Maybe doing the best they can. And they’re overwhelmed maybe just too much.
[00:17:14] And some of them came from really broken parents themselves where there, they just don’t have the skills. They don’t have the knowledge. And a bunch of people shared in the chat too, about a different religion. Christianity is as big on original sin and like, whatever religion you’ve come up through, a lot of us have learned shame from that was a big difference between a shame where I feel bad.
[00:17:38] I am wrong and yelled, oh, I did that thing wrong and I can repair and figure out how to do it. Better touches on another poor way. We’re having a good time or we’re feeling very much ourselves. And then someone I wrote you wrote you ruined something or you’re wrong, or, um, No. I notice even at seven years old, um, the brain of a seven year old has a hard time like differentiating between doing something that’s dangerous or disturbing, um, or disrespectful and being wrong.
[00:18:29] Like it’s just dangerous. It’s not right for our house, but there can be this. You can see the, the expression. It’s not a, micro-expression, it’s a real like, oh, this really landed. And so I’m, I’m tender that, um, it’s almost impossible for, um, for us to make it through without a little bit of this. Some people, um, aren’t oriented their neurodiversity, doesn’t have them even thinking that.
[00:19:06] Um, But for those of us that are sensitive and empathetic and can feel it, there can be a landing on it. I’d like to do a tapping on, I don’t even know what I did. Even though, I don’t even know what I did, even though I don’t even know what I did. They’re very upset. They’re very upset. It’s very personal.
[00:19:33] It’s very personal. They’re upset with me. They’re upset with me. I am the one who’s wrong. I’m the one who’s there. I am wrong. I am wrong. I don’t know what I did. I don’t know what I did. It must be just because I exist in less speed, just because I exist. The, I, I am wrong. I am wrong under the eye. They look at me like, I’m wrong.
[00:19:59] They look at me like, I’m wrong. They looked at me like I was wrong. He looked at me like I was wrong. I don’t even know what I did. Don’t even know what I did. And I still felt horrible and I still felt horrible. It landed right in my identity. It landed right in my hand.
[00:20:20] I don’t even know what I did. I don’t even know what I did. Doesn’t make sense what they were blaming me for. It doesn’t make sense that they were blaming me for I’m still I’m wrong. Still. I’m wrong.
[00:20:34] I think that’s so profound because often people, our society we’re trained to be polite. And if I’m frustrated, I’m having a bad day. The thing that I blew up up, Miami blow up about something that’s completely unrelated to the thing that’s really getting me upset. So it might be that, you know, I I’m just exhausted.
[00:20:54] I don’t want to clean up after the kids anymore. Um, my boss yelled at me, the car has a flat tire and then someone comes in with money shoes and I like, God damn it. Why would you wear those shoes? Like it’s a blow up. That’s really not that related. And so it can be confusing. And when we’re little, we have to, there’s a certain investment in having our parents be seen and right.
[00:21:19] Realizing that our parents are broken when we’re little is terrifying, because they’re the ones driving the semi that we’re living in. It’s like, if they’re off the rails, the whole world is terrifying. So making ourselves, I think it’s worth amplification just in case it went by. Um, you said that knowing how that our parents are broken, when we’re a child is terrifying, it’s terrifying.
[00:21:55] And it’s so much better quote, quote for our psyche to be wrong. To be, to be the one that is, is to blame, to be the one that’s wrong, because then there’s hope because we were growing and we learned to read, we learned to ride, we learned to use the toilet. Maybe I can learn how to not be quite so wrong.
[00:22:26] So if that was true, it’s someone in the chat said, narcissistic, um, mother, I believe it was, if you were raised by people who, um, as you look at them now with an adult’s perspective, you can be like, wow, they, they did not have their shit together to say the least. Um, or they were honest on a spectrum of behavior that really didn’t work for.
[00:22:56] Um, maybe they used, um, guilting and shaming as a strategy. Maybe they use violence as a strategy. Um, this is a big topic. Um, just honoring that childhood stuff. Um, we have a program that gives a little bit more of how we go about it, that childhood trauma relief, it’s part of a circle membership, and you can buy it separately too.
[00:23:24] That’s not as much a plug as just to honoring that it’s a big deal. And even though my parents weren’t awesome, even though my parents were always awesome and it wasn’t possible really for me to see them clearly, it wasn’t really possible for me to see them clearly. I would have been terrifying actually.
[00:23:48] No would have been terrifying, actually. Uh, so I assume that I was. So I assume that I was wrong. I assumed I was wrong. I assumed I was wrong, eyebrow. I was assume I was doing wrong. I assumed that was doing wrong. And clearly I must have been wrong. Clearly. I must’ve been wrong. They shamed me enough. I must be wrong.
[00:24:17] I must be wrong, Jen, what if I’m not? What if I’m not really handled, not being wrong? Could I have really handled, not being wrong while they were making me wrong? They are making me wrong. Could I have handled that? And I have handled that. It’s hard enough to even imagine it. Now. It’s hard enough to even imagine it.
[00:24:42] Now it raises some big emotions, raises some big emotions, really was not treated for. It really was not treated fairly to say the least
[00:24:59] that’s the temperature check for folks? How are you feeling? If there’s something that you’d like to share, feel free to drop that in the chat. Do you want to open it up for hands raised at this point too? Um, I bought a dysphoria read one. We more than happy, just anchoring us, deciding that we were wrong around little was really smart.
[00:25:21] Our culture is still, there’s still a special, I don’t know other cultures as well, but in the us, it’s kind of that puritanical. You break the kid, you shame them. Like kids that’s like crushed under shame is much easier to control and is more likely to obey what you say and not question it than a kid.
[00:25:38] That’s like, I’m an okay kid. I don’t want to do this thing you’re telling me to do so. There is an underlying woven in there. And also our little psyches just could not handle the fact that the people that were driving the bus were not really on top of it. It’s it’s like, this is really, they have control over my entire life and they don’t really have it together.
[00:26:01] It’s terrifying. So just like karate chop, I just want to send appreciation
[00:26:12] to my younger self, my younger self. Hey kiddo. When you were little, when you were little, you decided you were wrong, you decided you were wrong. And mom and dad were okay. Her mom and dad were okay. And I just want to let you know, I think you’re really. I just want to let you know, I think you were really smart.
[00:26:35] That was the best choice you could have made really was the most, the best choice she could’ve made. And it probably saved our sanity
[00:26:47] saved our sanity. And certainly our behinds certainly are behind the head. Thank you, sweetheart. Thank you. Three wrote. That was really tough. That was horribly tough. How did that you sacrificed your sense of rightness. Yeah. You sacrificed your sensor right now, so you could survive so you could survive under the nose and he did a great job and you did a great job.
[00:27:18] I’m here. We make it through hell Yvonne, and I’m going to invite you now, and I’m going to invite you now under the arm to help me heal the sense of wrongness to help me heal this sense of wrongness, because we don’t really need it anymore. We actually don’t need it anymore. If you release the shame, we can release the chain that holds it in place.
[00:27:48] Nice, deep breath.
[00:27:54] You know, if, if you feel like shaking your hands, helpful, rubbing your hands together, um, pushing your feet into the ground, shifting a little bit, remembering that these types of beliefs, they, they land in our core. And so we’re using physical movements, letting the rest of your body also move. To the extent that it feels right to you.
[00:28:23] Um, and, um, I’d like to invite us to check back in. If you had one of those examples where you felt like I am wrong, um, go back to it again and just see if the feeling, the sensation of it changes and the number, and there’s nothing wrong. If it actually feels a little more intense. I use the analogy a lot of times we’re numbed out just like when we’re wearing shoes that are too tight.
[00:28:51] And when we finally get the shoe off or we at least could become aware of it, it’s like, oh, that hurts more than I was aware of. So just because if things do feel a little more intense, that doesn’t necessarily mean there’s anything wrong. It just means you’re tuning back into a part of you that you distanced and numbed out for a long time.
[00:29:10] So, um, and then someone shared in the chat, like there’s a sense of back then even feeling wrong for even existing. And if our parents were really overwhelmed and very shamed themselves, that’s what they can project outward. It’s a way for them to not feel it themselves or to cope with their day-to-day life.
[00:29:28] And then can we really look tapping on that one,
[00:29:35] even though they made me wrong for even existing, maybe wrong for even existing, so wrong, that’s so wrong. It filled the room, it filled the room. I had no choice, but to take it in, I had no choice, but to take it in, they made me feel wrong for even existing. They made me feel wrong for even existing.
[00:29:59] That’s just so wrong. That’s just so wrong. That’s really wrong. That’s really wrong. That’s really wrong. That’s really wrong. It’s wrong to treat a child that way. It’s wrong to treat a child that way. It’s wrong to treat any human that way. It’s wrong to treat any human that way. If they’re wrong for even existing, that they’re wrong for even existing, that’s all wrong.
[00:30:25] That’s so wrong. I just filled the space and it just filled the space. I admit I was a little poorest. I meant that I was a little chorus. So, and so their wrongness, so den
[00:30:48] good thing. I’m nourishing myself right now, myself right now I’m acknowledging some of the dynamics that existed and acknowledging some of the dynamics that existed. And I liked that. I like porous either, whether it’s stone or a sponge, you can rinse that out. It’s not stuck forever, whatever Washington can wash out as well.
[00:31:10] And if you’re feeling a lot of sadness about this, if you can honor it in our society, we’re really taught that we’re not supposed to feel things were just push them over to the side and they’ll fester for mentally die. It’s not how it really is. If you’re feeling it right now, just let yourself notice the feelings as we tap, that will help it clear, but there’s only a certain amount of that feeling there.
[00:31:33] And when you can just be with it, With some compassion, it starts healing. And we actually build up muscles for being with those feelings more so that we can just little micro doses of it and we start getting stronger and we start healing more of it. And then we can say, Hey, you know what? That knows, nevermind.
[00:31:51] That was theirs. And I can love with the moment we can be with the feelings you want.
[00:32:11] Maybe you lead us in a tapping on it. It’s wrong to feel pertinent creditor, even though I struggle with feeling certain things. Even though I struggle with feeling certain things and those same people taught me just to stuff it down and be quiet. I’m going saying, people taught me to stop it down and be quiet.
[00:32:34] Those are the people that made me really sad. Those are the people that made me really sad and angry and shameful and angry and shameful. And they haven’t been able to touch those feelings for a long time. And I haven’t been able to touch all of those feelings for awhile while it’s okay to feel them in this space right now.
[00:32:57] It’s okay to feel them in this space right now, I’m in a safe space. I’m going to save space and I’m loved, and I’m loved top of the head. I can feel this right now. I can feel this right now. I wrote just for a moment. Just for a moment and I’ll build up that muscle and I’ll build up that muscle under the eye.
[00:33:26] So I can heal this faster. I can heal this faster under the nose and clean out all these old emotions and green out. Some of these old emotions, 10 it’s a sensation in my body sensation in my body. Hollobone I’m actually okay. Feeling it. I’m actually okay. Feeling it. And then there are two legitimate feelings feelings for then it’s time to acknowledge them.
[00:33:58] And it really is time to acknowledge them just a simple breath.
[00:34:07] And we weren’t role modeled that when we were a little, like a lot, for most people, our parents didn’t say, oh, I’m feeling really sad. I’m going to feel sad for a little. It was like, oh, you’re crying, eat a cookie. Oh, you’re crying. Let me give you something to cry about. Um, there were lots of like, we were taught to shut things down.
[00:34:27] And so just being quietly with these, even if it’s, I wouldn’t, emotions are really intense, I’ll just do 20 or 30 seconds, or sometimes it’s five seconds and I’ll just breathe with it and then I’ll go onto something else. But even that little window, it starts building up that muscle so that you can let stuff move through you.
[00:34:49] But people know wolves will take a seven minute break in about 10, 12 minutes. Um,
[00:35:03] checking in with your body, um,
[00:35:11] deal into your heart space, your throat space. And using your hands, you can see, but applying some gentle pressure,
[00:35:39] maybe bring some way. It doesn’t have to be as big as you’re seeing me swag, but just shifting a little bit on your seat bones, maybe shaking. If that’s disregulating for you can be just stillness, deceitfulness, still stillness.
[00:36:04] And some people, some of us are coming up with more specifics, um, events from childhood. Um, No, I was, I started off like picturing something that’s today where I’ll, I’ll feel that wrong feeling. And then as we tapped that intensity went from a six to a five to a four, but then I touched on just a memory of having like cleaned all day.
[00:36:37] And my mom was still unhappy. Like she was stressed. She appreciated what I did, but it hadn’t. Done what I had hoped, which was to create a kind of we’re good. We’re connected, you know, that feeling that I needed so much as a child of like, Hey, I, I do these things so that you don’t have to, and it makes our world better.
[00:37:07] What I really need is for that to free up some, something, some, some, some resource to get my needs met and to like top of the hub that didn’t work. That didn’t work. I tried so hard. I tried so hard. That would be I, that didn’t work. That didn’t work. Under the eye and I did it right. And I did it right on the nose and it didn’t work and they didn’t work.
[00:37:43] Jen, it must be me. That’s wrong. It must be me. That’s wrong. Come on. I didn’t do anything wrong. I didn’t do anything wrong under the arm. And it didn’t work. Didn’t work. It must be me. That’s wrong. It must be me. That’s wrong.
[00:38:09] All right.
[00:38:13] So that acknowledges that, um, sometimes we get this feeling that we’re wrong and it hits at a very tender moment, like right after conception, you know, we haven’t done anything wrong and. Our, our parent is not happy to see us. I’ve worked now with, with over 50 clients. I am sure about like, how did your mom feel about you when you waved?
[00:38:45] Hi. Well, I’m, I’m here as a little tiny presence, right? And I was like, oh no, that wasn’t good. Anything wrong? You implanted, you’re growing fine. And you go like, hi mommy. And it’s like, no, I don’t, this is wrong. This is wrong. And it, that can also be a time when we land it, lands in our, in our system. Um, that feeling.
[00:39:24] Um, so we, what we were taking a break in about 10 minutes, is that right? Okay. Um, I’m wondering if it’s okay. I’d love to talk a little bit about how we hear in our own heads that we’re wrong, even though our parents might not be nearby. So the people that taught us, we were around. Or not there often, but we still feel, we hear in our heads that we are wrong, very loudly, very convincingly.
[00:39:48] And we believe that sound, that the belief in our head, it’s a thought and we believe it. We think it must be true. And one of the, um, I I’ve been doing, uh, DMS for years, it’s a developmental needs, a meaning and strategy, uh, approach. But their theory is one part of us. When we see that we’re being judged harshly by the outside of us, a younger part of us says, I will take that on.
[00:40:13] I will take that message on. And I won’t carry that message and trying to steer us away from us before it happens. So before mom or dad, can he yell at us, I’m going to yell at us to try to make us behave in ways that’ll fit. So like a part of us took on that message. Isn’t now in our heads going, you are wrong, you are wrong.
[00:40:33] Trying to be. Behave in a way that would be safe when we were a little. And that part may not realize that we’re not there anymore. Does that make sense? There’s like that internalized belief. It doesn’t mean it’s true. And yet most of us believe that message in our head. So love to do just a little tapping around left that’s okay.
[00:40:56] Karate chop, even though I believe that voice in my head, even though I believe that poison my hub and that goes what mom and dad said, and it goes what mom and dad and the church and media, and so many others, maybe that part is out of date,
[00:41:21] the party, starting to feel really out of date. I appreciate that. That part really wanted, wanted to protect. I appreciate that, that part really wanted to protect me. Thank you for working so very hard all these years. Thank you for working so very hard all these years, and maybe it will have to carry that voice along with you everywhere.
[00:41:44] Maybe I don’t have to carry this voice along with me everywhere. Top of the head. If I believed I was wrong back then I believed I was wrong. Back then I rally did protect me from some of the criticism. It did protect me and a kind of warped way from some of the criticism might’ve kept me safer. It might’ve kept me paper.
[00:42:09] Yeah, but I don’t need that constant reminder of wrongness now. I definitely don’t need any constant reminder of wrongness under the nose. What if I just think that part, I am thinking that part chin and inviting that part of me to change her sign and inviting that part of me to change their sign. What if, instead of what had been said, you are wrong and then it said you are lovable.
[00:42:43] Ah, what did I said you are lovable. Wonderful. Wonderful. I might try that on for, for awhile. Just take a breath and notice there’s nothing wrong. If it’s too far away, it’s just an idea to reach for. Um, it depends on how deep the trauma is around this wrongness, because that is a trauma. Trauma is something that we don’t have the resources to deal with.
[00:43:11] And a deep sense of being wrong is something we didn’t know how to deal with our survival brain. Be like, holy fuck. I don’t know how to deal with this. I’m going to die. Trauma, frozen, stuck with this. And every time someone criticizes us for that, we have that wounded trauma part that’s really sensitive.
[00:43:29] And someone says you did that wrong. What were you thinking? It pings off of that neck hurt so bad. And I could never understand. I had colleagues that someone would say, what did you do that for? And they’re like, oh yeah, I screwed up. I’ll fix it. And I’d be like, huh? Like I’d be like crawling, wanting to flagellate myself or like feeling like I should quit and go live in a monastery in Alaska where no one could ever see me.
[00:43:52] And my peer would be like, oh yeah, I really screwed that up. Didn’t I, I felt like it costs more than a million dollars. I’ll try to do better next time. And I’m like, are we different species? Like what just happened? That person probably didn’t have the level of trauma and sense of wrongness. And as we can heal this, we can say, wow, I, you know, we can make amends, we can clean it up.
[00:44:14] We can learn, but we don’t have to feel like any small criticism or, or distracted or grumpy look on someone’s face as a sign that they notice our wrongness now. And that proof that we are this bad person in our core. So think we can get to the point where we might be able to have that part of us go.
[00:44:34] Yeah, the little sign you are wonderful. What if I can do something wrong, what if I can do something wrong and not be wrong and not be wrong? What a novel concept concept. It’s sort of ridiculous. It’s sort of ridiculous when I do anything even remotely wrong. When I do anything even remotely wrong. When I do anything that doesn’t come out perfectly perfectly.
[00:45:05] Of course I am wrong. Of course. What else would I be? What else would I be? What else? Who else? Who would I be? If I wasn’t wrong? I wasn’t wrong. Oh, dang. That’s a question. That’s a question. Who would I be? If I wasn’t wrong? Who would I be?
[00:45:28] I might do something that’s wrong. I might do something that’s wrong. I might do something where it doesn’t work out. I might do something that doesn’t work out. Is that really a testimony to who I am at my core? Is that really a testimony to who I am at my core. Am I really wrong, actually wrong in my core.
[00:45:49] And they actually really wrong in my core, I’ve treated my thoughts so wrong. I’ve cheated myself. So please don’t confess though, at least
[00:46:03] not even try on loving and kind, wouldn’t that be different? I didn’t even try loving and kind that would be freely different. Th, if you’re trying to, if you’re a practitioner or you just want to learn how to better do this for yourself, you’ll notice that I, I would dip in to the pain. I would acknowledge like a voice in my headset.
[00:46:28] Don’t be ridiculous. So that, yeah, that would be ridiculous to actually not see myself as wrong. It wasn’t a loud voice, but Hey, we have voices in our, in our head. Most people do. And so by being a little, a little playful, a little curious rejecting, um, of the idea even can be free. Um, and asking a deeper question too, like who would I be if I wasn’t carrying a sense of, I am wrong at all?
[00:47:06] In my core, would I be someone who just didn’t care about whether my partner or friend or something, you know, someone was hurting? I know that that’s not true. Would I, would I not care about doing work that matters and doing it so that it often comes out and works out well? Um, I’m pretty sure that if I did, if I had even less feeling of wrongness that my, my, Ooh, I’m sorry.
[00:47:36] It would be like, not tinge with existential, like pain. I think that I’ve been told years ago. I haven’t been told at recently. Changed. But like, if I did something that, that hurts someone, like maybe I said something or I, I surprise them by how angry I got about a situation. Um, and what they said is that I would, I definitely would apologize that acknowledge what I did, but there would be this,
[00:48:22] like this over woundedness would come out. Am I explaining this right? I understand. I think it makes sense to me. I did like,
[00:48:36] and you almost, you can. And I have like decades ago, um, I would almost feel like I need to kill myself just to own that because it would, it would activate that that primal wound. Um, and that’s why we do this work because we’ve, I’ve been there and the healing, every little increment. Um, I know many of you have gone through this and touched on this many times before and some are fresh, but this is alive for you.
[00:49:11] But if you have really intense feelings about it, acknowledging that, you know, these are deep wounds when something like I am wrong lands in your core identity, um, it’s profoundly impactful. Yeah. I would bring like if I brought someone coffee and brought like almond milk creamer instead of whole milk creamer, and they didn’t even really care, I would have this huge reaction, like, oh, I’ve screwed everything up until the day.
[00:49:40] End of time. And it would just be really intense. So if you have. Please. No, there’s nothing wrong, but get some, help, get some support because a lot of these wounds are formed in isolation and it’s very hard to heal them in isolation. There are formed when we felt alone or attacked and to have support and someone to help guide us out of that is really powerful.
[00:50:02] So I’m really appreciate you sharing that. Rick, we can also notice then when other people are like, they’re acknowledging, but it’s coming with just a level of, of like self-flagellation and a sense of worthlessness. Like I am wrong. Um, we can, we can pause sometimes and say, Hey, can we pause for a moment?
[00:50:29] Because, um, I’m guessing that you’re thinking that this is a big deal at a 10. And I was feeling like it was a deal at a 3.3. Is that accurate. And if somebody had said that to me around a lot of the things that I would be really in my trauma about it would have been helpful. Like, yeah, I think that this is huge, that we’re we’re that, that this is a testimony to.
[00:51:04] What a shitty partner I am or something like that. It’d be like, I’ve had, I have a couple of friends now that I worked out with them. They tend to be very strong in their criticism when they’re unhappy, they come across very strong. And so we’ve worked it out where they tell me, okay, this is a three out of 10 and I’m really unhappy.
[00:51:23] This happened. And that like the way they say it, without that reading, I might think it’s a 10 out of 10. And like, our relationship is over and, and they can just like, oh, you know, it’s really like a two, but I’m, they’re, they’re just the way they spread express. I want them to be able to authentically express themselves, but giving that rating really helps me go, okay.
[00:51:41] I shouldn’t be packing my bags to leave for the, you know, cancel the rest of the visit. It’s it’s not that big, oh, break time. Um, I’m going to go ahead and pause the recording. If you’re watching, we invite you to also take a break here and tend to yourself.
[00:52:03] Thank you all for, for being here, being willing to share that what’s been said in the chat is deeply meaningful to us as a circle. I believe I want people that are sharing. It helps me feel less alone. And I imagine it’s healing to be able to share with each other. Yeah.
[00:52:27] So there’s tapping that we can do about being wrong. Loosen that up like we’d been doing and doing wrong. Um,
[00:52:41] if you’ve had the identity of, I am wrong, chances are when you make a mistake or something, doesn’t work out. It can land in that same bucket. I have found it helpful to. I have some other buckets like, huh? Well, that didn’t work out the way I had hoped that feels different that, uh, I did it wrong. Um, one of the things we can do with topping is like, even though a part of me feels like I am wrong because that investment didn’t work out, the truth is it didn’t work out the way I’d hoped and you’re giving, giving it a direction.
[00:53:29] Yeah. I think that there’s a sense of we’re losing money that we could possibly have if we make a decision like that. Or like if we make an investment and doesn’t turn out perfectly or we lose money and. There’s I think that there’s a flow of income to us. Like, um, I refinanced about a year ago I financed my house and I paid points.
[00:53:50] I paid $5,000 to lower the interest rate. And then a couple of months later, the interest rate came down enough that I wouldn’t have had to pay the points. And I was like, oh, I paid that money. But the truth is even by refinancing with the 5,000, I was saving that. I saved that in less than a year. So like, oh, there’s like, that costs me.
[00:54:11] I, you know, I lost money at sense of black and white kind of looking at it versus I made the best decision I could and the universe can flow me abundance in different ways. Does that make sense? I reserved things like I, I did wrong around things of my integrity and the things that I really stand for when it comes to professional stuff.
[00:54:39] I, if I’m not competent in an area and it’s coming back to cost me, that’s different. If somebody else is wanting things to be magically perfect. And they have a perfectionism thing about other people, that’s something I have to tap on by being in that kind of world. Like the emotional cost of being with people who expect every fucking time to go.
[00:55:03] Right. Okay. Uh, uh, even though things do not all go right, even though that does not make me wrong, it does not make me wrong, even though nothing in life is perfect. Nothing in life is perfect through this. I don’t even know what perfect would be perfect to be a lot of people get bent out. A lot of people get bent down and strings.
[00:55:36] Aren’t perfect when things aren’t perfect, but I’m not the only one I’m feels like they’re wrong. That I’m not the only one that feels like that round, including some of those arrogant bosses, including some of those arrogant classes that have to have me be perfect. I have to have everything be perfect.
[00:55:56] It have to have everything be perfect. I can’t allow any mistakes, any mistakes. I can’t allow anything to go other than the way they expect the kettlebell. They used to go anyway, but the way they expect, or that feels way too familiar, why that feels way too familiar. You used to land on that part of me and it used to live on that.
[00:56:18] Part of me felt I was wrong. It felt I was wrong. There’s something wrong here. There’s something wrong. But maybe it’s not me. Maybe it’s not me. Maybe the situation is in conflict with my values. Maybe that situation doesn’t conflict with my values. It’s going to feel wrong and it’s going to seal around.
[00:56:41] So there are things that feel wrong to me because they’re in conflict with my values. Like I believe that humans need space to not be perfect or else we lose all creativity. We might as well automate it. Um, and have some AI do it. Cause there won’t be any humanity in it. Um, so like those types of things feel wrong to me.
[00:57:06] But just because, so now I’ve got a little departure, um, detachment from it, landing, and oh, I must be wrong. Cause there’s this wrong thing going on. I can discern and say, you know, this really isn’t, isn’t true with what matters to me. How I want to be treated, how I want other humans to be treated, if it feels wrong.
[00:57:29] Oh, it hits my, it feels wrong part kind of like the way my dad used to treat me when he was drunk, it really hits my oh, that’s that doesn’t feel good to me. It feels wrong is a sensor. It, it, it, it allows us to know when we are veering off course from what matters to us. And when we’re veering off course, the difficulty is until you kind of get that identity shaken up a little bit, so that it’s less of an issue.
[00:58:00] Everything kind of lands there. It’s like flypaper for everyone. Perfectionism, including our own. I think that, um, the more wrong we feel inside, the more we scrambled to try to get to the pinnacle of perfectionism to prove that we’re okay. A little bit. And so people that require perfectionism for other people, I strongly suspect there’s an iceberg of a feeling of wrongness underneath and they’re like requiring perfectionism to try to control their world, to make themselves feel safe.
[00:58:36] Even though are you leading it? I’m sorry. You heard my you’re on pinnacle and perfectionism has me all excited. I can’t wait to hear what else comes from, even though I want a scramble of that pinnacle of perfection. No. Pardon me. So wants to scramble up that pinnacle of perfectionism to try to escape the sense of wrongness as to escape this tensor, bro.
[00:59:01] The truth is it’s just the other side of the court. The other side of the coin and perfectionism is just as fake as wrongness and perfectionism is justice, bacon wrong. I get to be a human. I get to be a human and perfectly perfect and perfectly perfect learning, discovering as I go learning and discovering as I with no definitive sense of this is absolutely the right way with no definitive sound.
[00:59:35] So this was absolutely the right way. And part of me really wants the absolute feeling. Pardon me really wants that absolute feeling, but then I have no free will or choice nativity. Yeah. I get to create for me, I get to create what if I get to create eyebrow, I get to decide.
[01:00:03] Side of the eye and maybe many of the choices are all right. And maybe many of the choices are all right under the eye. And even some poor choices might lead me someplace new. Yeah. I, some poor choices have always have often led me someplace new I’m then the nose. What if I get to play in this universe that loves me?
[01:00:24] What if I get to play in this universe that loves me and discover what’s there and discover what’s there. How about it’s a little scary to think that there’s no definitive right and wrong choice. There’s no definitive right or wrong choice under the arm, but no, as long as I’m not intentionally harming others, as long as I’m not intentionally harming others or myself,
[01:00:53] I might be okay.
[01:00:59] Um, that I think there’s a lot of decisions in our lives that are not defeated. Like, uh, I did a lot of landmark and I don’t some things I don’t level around about landmark education, but one of the things they taught us is sometimes it’s like chocolate or vanilla. There’s no moral choice about it. Do you want chocolate ice cream or vanilla ice cream is just a choice that neither one.
[01:01:18] And I used to believe like if I chose the right one, somehow I can find some moral belief behind it that would lead me away from a sense of wrongness I had in my body versus theirs. It doesn’t really matter. And there’s a lot of decisions in our lives that don’t really matter. But when we have that sense of wrongness and as I think we’re trying to make every decision, be this very moralistic chance to escape this wrongness.
[01:01:43] And that’s very, that’s very stressful. Um, there was a question in the chat I’d like to address. Um, so. Let’s say that someone’s at a place in their life where I have them say I am wrong. And I ask how true does that feel? And I say, absolutely, it’s a 10, there’s no room. It’s absolutely true. I am wrong. Now that human being, if we look at the things that they do in their life, at that don’t come out perfectly by their view or someone else’s, um, it’s going to all land right back in that big core identity.
[01:02:32] I am wrong. See proof. And so when I say, when I said, like, shake up our identity, If you tap on, like, even though I’m absolutely convinced I am wrong, I refuse to let anyone change that. What if I’m wrong? I’m wrong. See how that shakes things up. What if I’m wrong? But I’m wrong.
[01:03:06] If I’m wrong, then I’m wrong. At least I’d be wrong about being wrong.
[01:03:14] I am wrong. Wrong about being wrong all the time. That’s powerful. What if I’m wrong about being wrong all the time
[01:03:29] is every aspect of me wrong.
[01:03:34] And this is where you can. So this is about a real skill of calm and confident. So I am wrong, I believe is supposed to make us anxious. It is such like a nail in the foot. It’s so harsh on our nervous system, our identity, um, it’s designed to it. I believe that the body is constantly like wanting us to ameliorate, calm that down.
[01:04:08] So one of the real skills is if you know that this is about yourself, but I get this I’m or I am wrong feeling even though here are the here’s this iron wrong feeling again? Hi. Yeah. I might be wrong that I’m wrong. And I’m open to calming myself right here right now. Seeing the whole situation more clearly.
[01:04:33] So that’s the calming part. The confidence in part comes from both working on the identity of iron wrong. Like we’ve been, and I encourage you if this is a big deal for you, go back and look at the recording. Spend some time with it, really feel into it at a pace that’s right for you. But the confidence in can come from well, I, my kindness is not wrong.
[01:05:01] I would argue with anyone who says that there, there are people that will argue that my kindness is wrong, but actually, I, I like my kindness. I’m generous. I used to be generous because I needed to be perfect. But now, you know, there, I really like my generous. Um, I come through, I, I come through for people, not everyone, not all the time.
[01:05:25] Um, But I liked that I’ve got the capacity, the competence to be able to do that. I brush my teeth today. No, and that’s not wrong. It’s not wrong to brush your teeth, you know? And, um, I let myself off the hook and that’s not wrong. Cause it wasn’t something that I really needed to be hooked up and hung for.
[01:05:49] You start building up a level of, of self-awareness that strengthens I’ll call it conferencing because you’re taking things that really matter to you, whatever those are. And you’re, you’re, you’re building up an energy that allows that part of your identity to quiet down when we’re shifting something that’s really core for us.
[01:06:18] Um, Gary Craig used to use the table top analogy. So if you’ve got a lot of things in your life and there’s this one big pole right in the middle, it’s one of those tables that is, you know, uh, has the base and the big pole and that’s the, I am wrong and you’ve got your perfectionism and everything else on, on top.
[01:06:40] Be really helpful if you built up some other legs, conferencing it up before the, the other one stops being what drives the good things in your life. The things that matter. And I think I love what you’re saying. And I think one of the, we did a call on Sunday about play, which is like for me, the two sides of the coin of wrongness and perfectionism, but like the difference, something different from them is playing confidence.
[01:07:09] Like, could I try this? Can I make some mistakes? Can I, and I think it’s really important if we’re doing brain surgery or heart surgery, please don’t play. Um, you know, like if someone’s going to die, that’s not the place we really want to play, but most of us have so much area in our world where we can play and try things.
[01:07:26] And if we bring the wrong creamer in the coffee, no one’s actually going to die unless they’re like definitely allergic to dairy or something. But you know, there’s a lot of room where we get to play and that builds confidence. And I think that we get to try these baby steps as we go. And like someone shared in the chat that they once failed a class to see if they could survive it.
[01:07:48] And I get that, like when we’ve never had an experience, we’re not our brain. Isn’t sure it’s like, that might be the end of me. And then we’re like, oh, it happened. And I’m okay. Like, to me, that’s really powerful in a way to like say, yeah, I get to, I can survive this thing. And that’s a form of play. It’s a very serious form of play perhaps, but I love that.
[01:08:09] They share that. So if you’d like to do any tapping, we have, we have a little, do you want to have hands, right? You have a little bit of time. Um, so, uh, if you choose to raise your hand by clicking on, um, reactions and raise hand, um, please know that we are recording this. But out on our, um, center, when we use YouTube to show the video.
[01:08:39] So it will be there too. So if anyone feels really drawn and ready to do that, um, otherwise we are also open to questions and or things that you’d like us to focus on that we’ve better part of this. I am wrong, Kathy, and I can continue to tap as well. Yeah.
[01:09:08] So let me see if anyone wants to raise their hand. I just like to invite you to just tune into your body, your system. And we’ve shared a lot of concepts today. We’ve tapped on some things and just let yourself notice what’s most alive for you are. I believe our energy system is very, very well. And it will bring up the next right thing for you to heal our LS.
[01:09:28] So if you have a particular memory coming up that we took before the class, I’m going to just trust that right now. Um, there’s a hand isn’t there. Why don’t I see it.
[01:09:45] Okay. Um, yeah, so we, you and I talked about like one of the, oh, um, yeah, I’m actually, I’m actually drawn to do this tapping that you and I talked about. Um, thank you for raising your hand. Um, it’s the avoidance, like one of the things that if, if this is really touched home, There’s the avoiding anything that might be wrong or criticized, um, as well as the sensitivity.
[01:10:20] And I, I feel like I want to use the remaining time to do a few, at least a few rounds on that. Is that okay?
[01:10:30] Um, do you want to not have anybody to have a personal where their hand or, um, I leave the hand, let’s just do around and see where we are,
[01:10:42] even though this belief has had its repercussions, even though this belief has had its repercussions,
[01:10:55] may I have avoided some things that were important to me? They’re important to me. I may have let criticism knock me out. Let criticism knock. Um, something that was important to me, of something that was important to me or someone or something I acknowledge and respect how high, how I have felt, respect how I felt and the beliefs that I’ve held and the beliefs I’ve held.
[01:11:28] I’m starting to get clues about where they came from. We’re starting to get the clues about where they’ve come from. I want to build my confidence. I want to build my confidence. I really want to confidence myself. I really went to confidence in myself. That was when it happened, just on it’s own. It doesn’t happen to start itself.
[01:11:54] It rarely happens just on its own. Rarely happens to send its own. What’s important to me, what’s important to me. Is it wrong? That they’re important to me isn’t wrong. That they’re important to me. And I’ve had that belief at times, that belief at times, but there are things that are important to me. There are things that are important to me are absolutely not wrong that are absolutely not wrong.
[01:12:27] And I can value those about myself. And I can tell you this about myself, even quietly and intimately in my own energy. Even if quietly and intimately in my own energy.
[01:12:48] Sometimes we, uh, uh, to respond to a question, if you’re feeling tired, even exhausted, um,
[01:13:00] the, I am wrong. Energy is, is, is my trying to hold everything together. There’s so much to that energy. And if you start relaxing it, oftentimes the body goes, oh, I’m so tired of this. You can, um, usually if we’re avoiding it, it’s not just because. You’re not doing the work, then we feel tired. I often go and rest after doing this kind of identity work for myself.
[01:13:37] Um, so please invite you to take, to take care of yourself. Okay. Um, yeah. Did I miss anything there that we had, we had touched on? That was great. Okay. So we have a few minutes. I’m going to go ahead. And, um, if you have your hand raised, I asked you to on mute.
[01:14:09] Um, I just, uh, if you could speak up, that would be great. Is that a bit better? A little.
[01:14:24] Yeah, that’s at the moment. So I’m just kind of speaking in the general direction of the mic. So I just, it, um, I don’t know if it’s in tune, but I was thinking that since that came up in the chat, um, that might fit to do an around on just that moment. When I was told all this, this shows us person, you let me to infer that, that wasn’t, I’m having, I’ve had my volume all the way up.
[01:14:56] Um, Kate and I, I really can’t hear you. Um, okay, no problem. Um, I think I heard that you want us to touch on that, like something happened and you were told that you were, you were bad for putting other people in pain. Is that right? Yeah. Okay. I’m going to have Kathy do my echo. So thank you. So if, if one of the w as Kate mentioned, thank you.
[01:15:29] Um, sometimes we have a, uh, trauma, very specific event, um, that when we, when the event ends, we get all this blame put on us or something like you’re a bad person. And so I’d like to just do a tapping for, even though they called me wrong or bad, or would you like to leave that capping? Um, no, go ahead. If you’re up for it,
[01:16:04] even though they told me I was bad, even though they told me I was bad and being bad is wrong, that is wrong. I am wrong. So I am wrong, even though I was really vulnerable, even though it was really. That I was bad. They said I was bad. They were convinced they were convinced and they needed me to look ashamed and they needed me to look ashamed.
[01:16:32] And I know how to do that. And I know how to do that. I just have to decide, I just have to decide that I am wrong and I am wrong in my core. They said I was bad. They said it was bad eyebrow. I was bad. I was a bad girl, bad girl. And I was a bad boy. I was a bad boy under the nose. It was a bad person, a bad person.
[01:17:05] I don’t want to be a bad person. It’s wrong to be a bad person. It’s wrong to be a bad person. And I didn’t know that that was so bad. I didn’t know. That was so bad. I was doing what was right for me. I was doing what was right for me. That must mean that I’m wrong. Must be wrong. No wonder. I’ve been confused all these years, all these years.
[01:17:34] Sometimes when we’re blamed for something that really was our, our primitive brain is saying, you need to get out of here. You need to get away. You need to not do this. Um, done a lot of tapping with people that were told that they were a bad person for not letting uncle Joe or not wanting to sit on uncle Joe’s lap.
[01:18:01] And you could imagine that like, if we have an intuition that uncle, Joe’s not a safe and a yummy person to sit with, but our intuition gets overwritten over the head. I want to feel my own guidance brow, right. That’s been called wrong. I want to feel my own identity. I wanna feel my own, who I truly am, who I truly am.
[01:18:33] One of those who I’m growing into being chin, but they labeled some of those really bad. Some of those really bad. And they may needed me to look like I was wrong. They gave me to look like I was wrong under the arm. No matter how certain I was, no matter how certain I was, other bay needed me to look like I was wrong, me to look like I was right down to my core, my core.
[01:19:09] I think as we go through this, I mean, gain more confidence in ourselves. I think that there’s a, when we’re children like these big powerful adults seem like this omnipotent, like very powerful must be right. Things. As we get older and get more experience, we can realize that just because somebody really wants or needs something doesn’t mean we have to be the one providing it.
[01:19:29] So it can be like, oh, let me look. I like to look inside first. Did I do something that I really consider wrong? And if so, I want to apologize and make amends and try to fix trying to make it. So I don’t repeat that mistake, but there’s times when I’m just like, wow, you know what that’s you wanted me to call you back immediately.
[01:19:48] And I wasn’t, I just didn’t want to. And just because I didn’t want to doesn’t mean I’m not a good friend. It doesn’t mean I don’t love you, but if you, if you need to make it, those things, I can’t stop you, but that’s about you, not me. And so there’s just a process we go through as we can kind of set up.
[01:20:06] Just when we’re little, those people have absolute control over our bodies pretty much. And as we’re adults, we’re like, you know what you have needs and wants, but that doesn’t mean I have to meet them. And we get to have strategies, the ways that you want to get your needs and wants and to protect your triggers and everything else, we’re, we’re sensitive souls.
[01:20:28] I would guess most of us that are attracted to this work and this type of topic. Um, and we hope that what you feel is that one you’re not alone. Mercifully I’m not alone. You’re not alone. It helps we have an ongoing community. Um, we have a thriving now circles, which meet and we do tapping together. We also have the thriving now.center.
[01:20:57] A place for thoughtful, you know, considered replies or whatever you want to share with the community. Um, a lot of us are finding that also really helpful during these times. We want you to have your emotional freedom and to have your own clarity and that when other people are feeling like you’re wrong or bad or something that you have.
[01:21:25] Uh, clarity within inside of you that you can tap into if there’s really good news. Those of us that have held really strongly to an I am wrong, have as a grounding in that, that we want to do. What’s right. And as that becomes more inwardly clear, that pillar becomes very strong. It’s something that you can rely on.
[01:21:50] Something that can resist the noisy, um, blames and shames and criticisms of wherever they may come from. Um, that’s, that’s the value to me of building the skill of practicing it, but calming it down and then the confidence around your own clarity, what matters to you? Thank you. Yeah. Thank you all for showing up.
[01:22:18] I know this is a really tough topic. I admire your courage. Really welcome your vulnerability in our sharing. And we hope that this gives you some healing direction and some opportunities to release old pains because you did deserve it. Thank you so much for doing this work. All right. Thank you, bye. For now.

We covered…

  • How that “I am WRONG” feeling gets into our core, especially when we’re children.
  • Use EFT Tapping to help shift from identity (where the Wrong feeling has a profound impact on us) to an awareness of when the situation feels wrong to us
  • How perfectionism is the other side of the “I am WRONG” belief, and we tap for it in ourselves and when we run into it with others.
  • We can feel like we’re bad or unwanted, and that can lead to that core feeling of being Wrong.
  • The survival benefit of “being wrong” rather than seeing how broken our parent(s) were when we were young and vulnerable… but seeing that more clearly now and bringing relief and freedom back to ourselves.

Resources Mentioned

  1. Free EFT Tapping Guide

  2. Thriving Now Emotional Freedom Circle

Great to have you on this journey with us!

Great program - thank you. I attended live, but also hope to relisten this weekend. Laughed so hard when @Cathy told her story about her work colleague’s million dollar mistake and how he reacted v. how Cathy felt. Her delivery really cracked me up. I can relate to being blown away by being around people who don’t have the same training of “wrongness.” Also have @Rick in my head when he had us tap – “Maybe I am wrong about feeling wrong.” So helpful.

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The feeling of not fitting in came up in this workshop… so this image and sentiment spoke to me today…

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What’s amusing to me is that I logged onto this call thinking it was about being wrong as in “I made a mistake”.

As opposed to what I’ve felt my entire life up until recently which has been “I am a mistake”.

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Just want to pop in to say how grateful I am to all these series. I also really like how the previous real life workshops touched on more general but still powerful concepts like safe exits and right distances, which helped me to find my own space more and more such that now I’m more able to heal deeper traumas. And in this case, this session builds from Thales stages and went deeper to touch on more childhood trauma since wrongness is so related to them. And what if I’m wrong that I’m wrong… yes, powerful indeed. Thank you for opening more empowering possibilities in me, Rick & Cathy!

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