Stalled? How to boost your confidence and take action!

 Real Skills Workshop - Community Event

RS 2021-05-11 Stalled-1200x630

Stalled? How to boost your confidence and take action!

Real Skills Workshop: Be Calm and Confident

Hosts: Rick Wilkes (@Rick) and Cathy Vartuli (@Cathy)

Recorded Tuesday, May 11, 2021

:point_right: Replay is below

:point_right: Get your Real Skills Workshop 1-Year Pass Here

Being able to follow-through on your intentions matters! Yet, it is all too easy to get stalled.

Then comes the rising anxiety. Then so often people pummel their self-worth with “WHY Can’t I Get Moving Again?!?!? I hate this! WTF!”

It’s crucial for our thriving to get savvy with the stalls in life.

Because stalls happen. To everyone. It’s not a defect. It’s a design.

If this is news to you, sorry. Stalls are natural.

Like our primitive brain, our system WILL stall under certain conditions. How we behave (internally and externally) when these inevitable stalls happen determines our sense of ourselves and our outcomes.

The Really Good News is that confident stall recovery is a skill that we can learn and practice!

We can get so good at the stall that they seem to, well, transform into opportunities. I’m not kidding.

Because I know. I used to take a stall as a sign of my own catastrophic incompetent failings. “I need to be Perfect! A stall isn’t perfect!”

A little later this week I’ll share a personal story about a stall that happened too far from land to swim back to shore… and how borrowed confidence saved the day.

Before that, I wanted to invite you to sign up now for our next Real Skills Workshop where we’ll get into the nitty and the gritty around the stalls in life, re-tune our knee jerk reactions into empowered response… and know where our next inspired action is.

:point_right: Replay is below

Let’s make sure when you stall – and if you’re human you will! – you never crash again. We’re so excited to share this approach with you!

@Rick & @Cathy
Your Emotional Freedom Coaches

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To me a stall – when we’re in the real skill of managing our energy – becomes a “so far” and a "not yet’ moment – a pause for recalibration, awareness, and choice/experimentation.

Hope you’ll join us for the workshop!


I remember banging on the boat’s outboard engine… as if that was going to help.

Isn’t that what you DO when you’re stalled? Beat on something… or yourself?

I had tried “everything.”

In other words, I had tried what I knew or saw to try, from the place of an overwhelmed young man of 14, stalled too far from shore to swim. In the early dawn, I seemed to be the only one out. I tried pulling the starter again, and cussed. Then flopped down on the seat.


“Hey. Sounds like you could use a hand.”

He was old… wizened even. Crab fisherman. His boat looked even older.

“I’ve tried everything. It won’t start. Plenty of gas. Choke’s set right. It usually works!!”

“Yep. Engine’s are like that. Especially on the water.” His matter-of-fact confidence was reassuring.

He pulled alongside and lashed the boats together.

“Sounds like it’s not getting fuel. Open that cap.”

He pointed to the outboard’s fuel tank. “Well, the gauge says Full!!” Still, I did what he said and Hissssss… POP!

“Ahhh. He said with a knowing voice.”

He reached out his hand and took the gas cap from me

“See this?” He pointed to a valve. “Needs to be open or it creates a vacuum.”

Uhhh, I actually knew this. I mean, my family virtually always left that valve open. So I had not checked. Still, I nodded, and probably looked embarrassed.

He said, “No worries. Happens to the best of us.” I started the engine, and he puttered off to the next crab pot.

I share this because when we’re flustered, as I was by the sudden stall of the boat’s engine, we actually lose what we know! We can “not see” what’s right in front of us. We can also not even think about asking for help. Even though he was clearly nearby, in my overwhelm I had not even looked around for someone who could help! I felt alone… even when I was not.

Wow. So human of me.

Anything like this ever happen to you? Or, still happen too frequently?

None of us like a stalled engine, or project, or love relationship. It normal to get overwhelmed, frustrated, and even want to “get rid of” whatever seems like it isn’t cooperating with our intentions.

I propose that being calm and confident can change such moments profoundly.

It’s why Cathy and I want to explore this with you in this Real Skills Workshop. Is it still hard for you to calm your body-mind and restore enough confidence to “know what you know” and also to leverage the wisdom of others…

What I can tell you from experience is that you can get to a place where a stall leads to a pause, a ponder, and then confident action.

Yep! It’s true. Yes! It benefits from practice. And Wow! When you do this you will feel soooo savvy in situations that used to cause you distress.

If you CAN support the workshop financially, thank you – your financial support matters!

:point_right: Replay is below


Such a great story! I felt the panic of being stranded in a boat. Looking forward to this real skills workshop! Thank you!


Can’t FORCE yourself to do it?

What if it’s actually a good thing that you can’t force yourself to do it anymore?

I mean, what’s the use of becoming more emotionally free if we have to continue to do things out of obligation, have-to, and should-do’s?

Honestly, I can’t. I’ve tapped and healed from trauma enough that I cannot force myself to do something. I’ll stall. My energy will… pfffft. Nothing. I won’t be able to activate myself.

Even archaic tricks like calling myself names won’t work! It’s so sad! I mean, if self-hate no longer works, will we ever get anything done?!?!

Yeah, we will.

  • We’ll do it because it matters to us.
  • We’ll take action because of who we are, and how we want to thrive.
  • We’ll know that people like us can’t be forced anymore… but we can choose – and we want to live in community with others who live from conscious choice rather than obligation and threat.

To live like this is a skill, a skill we all can learn and that brings immense rewards from practice.

In 90 minutes Cathy and I will help you tune into something that feels important to you… that you’re stalled on and not taking much if any action.

We’ll support you in calming the noise of beliefs and sensations – noise that makes it really hard to be clear.

Then we’ll build the energy around why this matters to you, growing the energy of confidence within you so the actions you take are congruent and empowered.

If that is what you want in your life, sign up now for this Real Skills Workshop. You’ll also get the recording. You can attend for free, as our guest. If you CAN support the workshop financially, thank you – your financial support matters!

:point_right: Replay is below

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Stalled? How to boost your confidence and take action! - Replay of the Workshop

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Stalled? How to boost your confidence and take action!

Stalled? How to boost your confidence and take action. I’m Rick from thriving now. And I’m here with Cathy from the intimacy dojo and thriving now. And I want to start happy with an important question. What does it, what does it mean to stall? Uh, it’s hard when you start you’re stalled and we’re the way we were defining it.

[00:00:25] We’re not saying that you’re actually like in fight flight freeze, like a full freeze mode. You’re not like so terrified your brain doesn’t work, but you keep thinking about that thing you want to do. And you’re just not moving forward. Oh, I really want to, like, during the pandemic, I was often stalled. I would walk past the same bit of laundry for two months, literally.

[00:00:46] And it would just sit there and it wasn’t that I was terrified to move it. You know, I wasn’t afraid of moving it, but I just never reached out my hand and picked it up and put it in the laundry. Um, and it just felt like I just wasn’t getting some movement forward and it was challenging to look at this because I consider myself someone who gets stuff done.

[00:01:06] That’s my identity is I get things done and to find, you know, like the first week it was like, Oh, it was a pandemic the second week. It’s like, it was a pandemic the third week. I’m like, what is going on with me? Like, am I broken to the pandemic, break me? And just each time I walked past it, it kind of sucked a little energy out of me.

[00:01:25] Um, and so I was stalled around that particular thing in a way that, uh, it didn’t feel good to my identity. It wasn’t helping me feel good in my home. Um, and it was, it was pulling some energy from my life, but it wasn’t. So I wasn’t so stuck that I couldn’t move. I wasn’t stuck in concrete. I just couldn’t get the car in gear, so to speak.

[00:01:45] So, um, we have a video out on the center that talked about like what our differentiation between a block and being stuck and stalled. A lot of times I think that in the personal development and especially in EFT tapping work, we talk about, you know, getting unstuck. And it’s really useful for that. And we’re going to be going into that in other workshops, like when you’re really stuck, when you’re like fight flight freeze, bouncing around just like, ah, you know, but here, as Kathy said, it can be something that matters to you like a clean house.

[00:02:24] It can be something that you want to write a message that you want to write to someone that you care about or to pick up the phone, or it can be to get started or restarted on a book that you want. A stall says that it’s still alive in me. I think about it. I’m wanting it. There’s something about it that matters to me, but I’m not actually taking action.

[00:02:48] And you know, one of the images and I talked about this in the story is that, you know, you’re going along and then. Often things stop. So this is again, like, I believe that if you’re doing anything that matters, maybe it’s learning to express yourself on a guitar. Maybe it is learning to love in a way that’s unique and different compared to how horrible you were.

[00:03:14] We did as a child, help, whatever it is, you know, you get some progress and then it’s like, you don’t have the energy. In fact, there’s a drain. And that’s what you said, Kathy. It’s like, you keep thinking about it. There’s a liveliness to the idea. You’re not just like running from it, so it’s not even aware of it.

[00:03:36] Um, but it takes energy every day. That goes by. There’s a, there’s kind of an energy depletion. And that’s why the real skill of being able to be present with things that were stalled around with more depth. And that taps into what we’re learning about how to calm the noise and how to build up some confidence and clarity so that the action comes from a different place.

[00:04:05] And we’re going to give you really concrete steps to do that. I put in the chat, thriving forward slash grounding. Sometimes when it’s actually a fight flight freeze or big trauma we dissociate. So we may on the surface not be aware. We may, may feel like a stall. And when we start getting a little deeper, we may realize there’s some, some trauma there, some old fears.

[00:04:28] And so those grounding exercises are great. If you start digging down a little bit and find out there are some bigger fears and these steps work really well for this too, we’re going to be, but this is something you can do like that. What we’re going to show today is something to get you going in a way that feels authentic and aligned and alive for you so that you don’t have to spend two months walking past the dirty socks there, or the, the video you meant to edit or the.

[00:04:55] Piano lesson. He just wanted to spend five minutes doing whatever it is. And often when we just get a little bit of moment, just like a stalled car, if you push it a little bit on your, on a little bit of a Hill and you push, you can pop it and it will, it will, the engine will go. So we want to get you so your engines are growing so you can easily drive in the direction you want.

[00:05:15] We use a, a tool, an emotional technology called EFT tapping. Um, if you’re not familiar with it, we’re not going to be teaching it today, but you can listen and follow along, speak the words and tap on the points relative to where we are, but arriving is our free guide. And you can look at that, um, um, learn a lot about how and why we use this tool.

[00:05:42] So, Kathy, um, if somebody is stalled, does it mean that they’re bad and horrible and then competent and stupid person? Like sometimes. As myself, I leave it’s me though. You all are great people. If I was stalled, those that dirty piece of laundry was proof positive that I was an evil person and not very competent in life and our brains do that.

[00:06:02] We’ve kind of in our society in many, many of the way our parents and caregivers have raised us is using adrenaline and that whip to get us to do things. So, you know, like let’s make ourselves do it. You would never leave dirty laundry out. What if someone came by? What, what are people gonna think of? You?

[00:06:22] You’ve got to be a good person. You’ve got to be good all the time. So a lot of us have this internalized voice. That’s like, come on, how come you can’t do it? Just type it up. Just push through a, get her done. And. Too many of us are exhausted, worn out and doing things that don’t matter to us because of that voice in our head.

[00:06:44] It can cause illness, it can cause stress induced, all kinds of stuff and what we’re going to help you do. And Rick is so beautiful at doing this is tuning into the why that the joy in it letting go of some of that noise and that, that voice. And please realize the voice in your head is not bad. Either.

[00:07:03] One of the things that Rick and I really believe in is no part left behind like that part of us. That’s like geared on, come on. It internalize that when we were little and it’s trying to keep us out of trouble, it’s trying to, to voice that internally before the people around us voice it, it’s trying to protect us.

[00:07:21] So we’re going to do some work on that to help that voice calm down, because it creates a lot of noise. And it’s sometimes really hard to hear the joy and the freewill beneath that when that voice for many of us is very loud. Well, that’s a great place for us to start. Um, one of the things that we do with, with this work is to notice like, okay, when I’ve been stalled in the past, like, what do I say to myself?

[00:07:49] How do I try to fraud both, um, in incest, you know, whip on whatever it is. You’re welcome to share that in the chat too. Cause that can really see in other people that you’re not alone. Seeing other people have similar voices or pointing out ones that are so constant for you, that you don’t even hear them anymore.

[00:08:11] Like that fish in water, you see someone else say it and you’re like, Oh, I do that too. That’s really powerful. That awareness can give you traction where you didn’t have any.

[00:08:25] Anything that’s uncomfortable. We’re inviting you if you feel up to it. Hmm. So my voice isn’t driving me, it’s telling me not to, because I’ll feel, I know part of me, sorry. I need to wear my glasses. Apparently. I know part of why I’m still in fear. This is already soothing and we haven’t even started tapping.

[00:08:44] Thank you so much for this topic. Fear of the big mistakes I made before and it will happen again. I put so much pressure on myself all the time and we can be exhausted if we drive we’re driving ourselves. Like we have jobs, we have kids, we have homes. We have all these obligations. Sometimes we’re stalled because we’re really out of gas.

[00:09:09] Yeah. And sometimes we’re stalled because we’re overheated with something like overwhelmed. And, and again, like, I know not everyone looks at it this way, but. The voice in our head that is telling us not to do something is driving us is just driving us away from something that matters, you know? And so it’s the same kind of thing.

[00:09:34] It’s, it’s a seeking of protecting, you know, what is the least amount of pain either avoid it or force you to do it kind of thing. Would you lead us in taking into account? Some of the things that we’re, we’re getting lots of good feedback. Thank you. Well, this feels really good to Kathy and I to hear and feel what’s alive for you.

[00:09:54] Would you be willing to start us off with, um, the first level of calming? You know, this is a calm, be calm and confident workshop. It’s a real skill. And so the first thing is we, we kind of start with however intense we are. Um, and we start quieting the noise and calming a bit. Yeah. So what I’d like you to do if you’re willing is to bring your attention here.

[00:10:19] Sometimes if we’ve been doing something for a little while, we’re not as present with it, or if you’re new to this, this might be a little scary, but I invite you to bring your attention here. Let the cats on Facebook rest for the next hour and a half. We’re going to let them, they’ll still be there. I promise there’ll be lots of cats on Facebook, even an hour and a half from now.

[00:10:37] And just notice where you’re sitting now, our survival brain, especially when it’s activated, when there’s a lot of noise is it’s thinks there’s danger. It thinks there’s lions and tigers and dragons. So I invite you to take a nice, slow, deep breath.

[00:10:57] And I’ll look around your room where you’re sitting and notice the lack of lions or tigers or threatening tigers. I know someone has a pretty cat on the screen. Those are nice. No dragons. No. One’s about to attack you. You’re safe here and you can really let yourself process. And if you would just notice where you’re sitting, that your butt is supported, your feet are supported.

[00:11:20] Notice what made me notice the texture under your toes and just let yourself be with your body. Take another slutty breath.

[00:11:33] We’re going to start tapping karate chop. Even though I have a lot of noise in my head, even though I have a lot of noise in my head, one side is telling me to get everything done. Now one side is telling me another side is saying no way, stop right away. Stop, stop danger will Robinson danger. It’s like I have my foot on the brake and the gas at the same time.

[00:12:01] It’s like I had my foot on the brake and the gas at the same time. No wonder I’m not going anywhere. No wonder I’m not going anywhere. Even though it’s really noisy in my head. Even though it’s really noisy. Part of me really wants to make progress. Pardon me? So wants to make progress. And another part doesn’t want to go anywhere.

[00:12:25] Another part of me is not wanting to go anywhere. What if both of those parts really care about me? What if both of those parts really care about me? They want me to be safe. They want me to be safe and successful and successful. Even though my survival brain really wants me to be safe. Even though my survival brain really wants me to be safe, it doesn’t necessarily know what’s right for me right now.

[00:12:56] It doesn’t necessarily know what’s right for me. Right. It might be running on old messages. Pretty sure it runs on some old messages for when I was two and three and four when I was two and three, four, and more top of the head. I have a lot of noise in my head noise in my head. I wonder I’m stalled eyebrow.

[00:13:24] I am afraid of moving forward, moving forward side of the eye. And I’m frustrated that I haven’t moved forward, frustrated that I haven’t moved forward under the eye. And part of me thinks I should have moved forward. Pardon me? Things I should have moved forward under the nose. And part of me is afraid of a bad person cause I haven’t moved forward.

[00:13:44] Pardon me? He thinks I’m a bad person because I haven’t moved forward. Chin. I really meant to get that done. I’m really meant to get that collarbone and I’m not sure why it hasn’t happened and I’m not sure why it hasn’t happened under the arm. What if I took a moment just right now?

[00:14:06] Top of the head and let myself be quiet. Quiet, take a nice deep breath.

[00:14:18] The truth is often if we can get beneath the noise and our survival brain, the part of us that is internalized all these voices, we can find our own heart. And when we’re trying to drive ourselves out of fear or adrenaline, we’re not often connected with our, with our own passion, with our own engine. And so if we can kind of still that and just notice for a minute, what if there is a message under that?

[00:14:45] What if there’s a direction that I want to go?

[00:14:55] So one of the things you might be noticing about the tapping that we did was that. There’s conflict, like the desire to move forward. We’re assuming that what we’re tapping on here is about something that matters to you. Um, it can be something else, but I’d like for our work night today, whenever you’re watching this for it to be something that, yeah, I actually want that.

[00:15:25] And there’s a conflict. Like we have associations from the past. We have to be ears, not uncomfortableness. And again, that this is a continuum between stalled to stock a block. So like I’m, I’m seeing in some of the chats, something like, I don’t want it to happen. Like last time me that’s God is a stock.

[00:15:52] There’s a lot of energy around it. And if you have a last time where you paid a big price, We’re going to be, you know, a lot of the work that we do is around that kind of drama, but one of the things, if you’re stalled around something and you know that like, wow, I have so much energy of no way about that.

[00:16:16] Recognize it. I’m actually not stalled here. I’m stuck. And that, that benefits from professional support and the amount of thoroughness, like writing out exactly what happened last time, reading it aloud, telling the story to yourself about what happened and how you felt and how you feel about it now. And doing that five, six, 10, 12 times over the course of two weeks.

[00:16:46] Why? Because if working hard and really activating a lot of your talent, but in a very unbalanced way, nearly cost you your life and your wellbeing or cost your relationship or. All your savings, whatever it was, that’s a big deal. And so we’re going to be working on our next workshop. We’ll have around pain and drama, and we’ll be touching on some of those.

[00:17:10] We have some other resources, so feel free, um, in the center to be more specific about it. If you’re really feeling stuck or blocked, I can point you to, we can point you to some of those. So putting, um, putting the center starting is a great place to get emotional support and share and be connected with people between the calls, which I found really helpful in the past.

[00:17:38] And we have three steps and I’m actually drawn. Uh, we have a hand raised. Are you okay with, yeah, let’s do that. Margo. Would you unmute?

[00:17:51] Hey. Hi.

[00:17:55] What are you noticing? So for me, it’s um, like I got told forever growing up don’t do that. You’ll fail. Or if I was doing something, stop doing that, you’re failing. Or if I’d done something, it was, well, you failed at that. And it was like, I could never do it. It was like being inside amaze and just trying to find my way out and just everywhere I went, I bumped into a wall.

[00:18:19] Yeah. That part of me is blocked. That part of me is blocked everywhere. I went, I hit a wall everywhere. I went, I hit a wall. They were really good at boxing me in locking me in, locking me in things that weren’t even a failure were called failures. Things that weren’t even a failure were called failures.

[00:18:39] Things that I was safe to try, they threat. They said, what were their words? Literally don’t do that. You’ll fail. Don’t do that. You’ll fail. Like my dad would grab things out of my hands and say, you’re going to break that. Don’t touch it. Yeah. And what would you call that now from the vantage point that you’re in now, what would you call that kind of attitude or life and trying things?

[00:19:08] My attitude,

[00:19:12] um, parole, manipulative, uh, negative. Yeah, they were really, they were really neurotic, really neurotic. Okay. They didn’t trust me with anything

[00:19:31] and it was really cruel and it was worse cause I was a girl. Yeah. And I am inviting a part of me to see that I am not blocked in that same way. Now I’m inviting a part of me to be, I’m not blocked in that same way now. And that makes me feel okay. Scared. Yeah. It’s scared not to be blocked in scared not be blocking.

[00:20:01] Cause I also never really got any guidance. So then it’s like, then I just feel like my cat, my indoor cat, that somehow ended up outdoor Sunday. He’d been out there for an hour by the time I realized it and she was still frozen in the driveway. Just like, I don’t know. And I’m here doing this weird tapping thing, shopping thing.

[00:20:31] Oh, I was going to say, and I know no one in this group is sitting here thinking that I’m a failure. Yeah. But they think I’m pretty courageous. I might think I’m pretty courageous and maybe some of them will raise their hands. Yeah.

[00:20:49] And not actually in that box. Actually in that box anymore. And that scared feeling. Isn’t my guidance. Yeah. That scared feeling is not my guidance. That’s scared feeling is not my guidance one way or the other. Yeah. That scared feeling is not my guidance one way or another.

[00:21:11] Okay. I’m wondering if I can offer you a visit visualization. Margo, can you, um, it may help to close your eyes or not as you feel drawn, but when you were little, you, this little, this little bead was watering around and hitting wall after a while. And I just wonder if you can invite her to notice that maybe look at your hands or look at yourself in the, in the video and let her notice that you’re not so small anymore, that you’re not so tough.

[00:21:36] That you’re much taller. So can you visualize this little, this little girl wandering around to me? And she can’t, she has no guidance because she can’t see out of it or over it. And all of a sudden you’re here, three feet taller and looking down and you can see out of the maze. You can see easily where to step and she doesn’t have to be blocked anymore.

[00:21:58] I pictured myself looking over the top going, Hey, it gets better. Yeah. We’ll have to figure it out. Yeah. And you can see where it is a good place to go before the maze was probably blocking your view. And it’s like, I have no idea where to go. And now you’re in a place where you’re, Oh, I want to go that way.

[00:22:15] Just wanted to, I felt really drawn. I kept getting that visual and I wanted to offer that to the little part of you that felt really stuck and blocked. Okay. Thank you.

[00:22:33] Now I want to honor that, you know, one of the things that is part of just being human, especially people that tend to be the type of people that do this work. We’ve often experienced some really hard times, and so we can be stalled around something. And as, as Kathy mentioned, we start going a little deeper and that’s, there’s the block and.

[00:22:57] Just pick kind of make it, because this is a workshop. I want to note that one of the things that Kathy and I did was to say, Oh, that sensation of fear, that scared feeling, which I’m not speaking for Margot, but I know for myself, there was a kind of bile, good, scared feeling that feels different than if I run across a copperhead on the trail now, or like actually I’m driving too fast for the road conditions.

[00:23:33] Like there’s a, there’s a sensation, I’ll call it scared, but it doesn’t feel like I’m seven. And so that’s one of the ways that we can then encourage, Hey, for your heart, you know, things have changed. And that’s what Kathy brought in as a visualization and other things that some of the tech, the, the skill of.

[00:23:58] Gather as Margo modeled for us, as well as individually, like, Oh, there’s this block. I spent so many years in the block area that it’s always going to be kind of probably, always, maybe, always going to be a part of the landscape, but letting it be as archaic as we can make it. It’s like, Oh, okay. Here’s Brian.

[00:24:26] Was that clear? I, and I just, I’d like to add a little bit, just another comment to the other side. There’s part of us that’s afraid to do forward often. And on the other side, we may be putting too much pressure on something. So for me, if I cleaned up the socks, I think it would have some, if they were just sitting there, um, and it would’ve taken me literally 30 seconds and ounce of energy to move them.

[00:24:50] But I was because I felt somewhat trapped because of COVID and out of control to me moving the meant I was going to be all the safe, everything would be fixed again. So I was putting too much on them. I was, and often we’ll do that. If we want to really some blog or a podcast or a practice, the piano, it’s going to be like, Oh, I’m going to practice this for like 15 minutes.

[00:25:14] And I’m going to be a rock star. Or I’m going to release this one blog post, and I’m going to be really important. I’ll be successful in my business versus it’s often a lot of little baby steps we have to take to move forward. And we’re putting a lot of pressure on that. One thing, a lot of like expectation, our survival brain or subconscious, maybe putting the brakes on because it’s like, well, that’s not true.

[00:25:38] You’re going to be so disappointed. If you put that go forward, he released that poster. You put the socks in the, in the laundry, and then all of a sudden you realize that you’re alone and there’s COVID in your, like, it was kind of keeping the wall up. I could blame the socks. Focus them on the Sox rather than facing my own fears.

[00:25:55] Or, and I, I, I know people do this sometimes. Like I promised my mother, I would do this thing and I have to put so much pressure that there’s no way to move forward, or it would mean so much to this person or to me to do this, that we can overwhelm ourselves. It’s like, if you imagine that you’re driving this pickup and you’re stalled, if you just loaded 10 tons of cement in the back, maybe that poor little pickup can’t quite carry that much versus like, Oh, I’m just doing a baby step towards what I want to create.

[00:26:27] This doesn’t have to be the whole thing in this one moment, which actually is, is part of like our reorientation that we. We do, um, except three, no, a little pre pre-frame there. Um, so we’ve, we’ve taken kind of the big noise and we’ve done a little bit on it. And the idea here is that we’re starting to invite the body out of primitive brain, if it, if it was there so that now we’re going to be more in the, the kind of like, well, I’m actually stalled here and not in the primitive brain overwhelm fear flight freeze ways.

[00:27:14] If you’re in fight flight freeze, um, You’re that’s your one job. It’s not to get the job done. If you get it done well, we’ll probably still leave you with a lot of those remnants. So that’s why I believe that whether, you know, we’re in this together or, um, you know, I’m coping with something myself, if I’m in fight flight freeze, that’s my only job is to calm, regulate myself.

[00:27:44] And then I get to a place where I can recognize that there’s something that matters to me that I am legitimately stalled around. And that’s our first are like, hopefully that’s where you are. If you need to take a moment and continue to tap your collarbone, ground yourself, breathe. I’d like you to, um, we’re inviting you to pick something for the workshop that matters to you.

[00:28:12] But you could say that you’re stalled. Maybe you’ve been stalled for a day. Maybe you’ve been stalled for a few weeks, month, several months. If it’s so big that you feel like I’ve been stalled on this for my whole life, I’m going to invite you to make it much more of a it’s something you can hold in your hand.

[00:28:33] Something that you’re aware of that matters that you’d like to be able to take an action of some time. That’s a yes for you. And again, as soon as we, and I invite you to write it down, there is something about the act. If you can’t write it down on paper, because it’s not available to you close your eyes, if you can, and visualize it being written down, you’re welcome to share with us too, because we love.

[00:29:05] Yep.

[00:29:08] Often we’re one of the reasons we love group work is by sharing it in front of other people, especially when it’s a loving, caring group like this, it’s often very, very healing. So you’re indefinitely not required to, but writing it down here and getting it out of your head in front of the group in the chat can be really healing.

[00:29:27] Your survival brain will often not feel quite so alone or isolated. And I know I can be in my head and it can just spin forever. But if I tell even one person sit down with Rick and I’m like, Oh, I can’t move the socks. He’s like, Oh, okay. I love you anyway. And I’m like, Oh, I can move the socks. Sometimes that can happen just by sharing it.

[00:29:48] It doesn’t feel quite so overwhelming. So if piano is a thing, now, someone said that they’d been blocked for over a decade. So you can say what if I played a note on the piano. And allow yourself to feel whatever you feel about doing a very small, um, someone, you mentioned a collage envision board, and can’t bring myself to stick the pieces down.

[00:30:22] Now that to me is a perfect example of a block. I mean, I, because I’m really curious, like what, how is the energy actually want to move there? It’s very interesting to me like, Oh, I have this vision board, these pieces, the act of sticking them into a place is not happening. What’s up with that. What’s up with that is a really interesting kind of thing.

[00:30:53] So whatever it is for you, like I’m going to write down, um, as part of the real skills workshop, there’s a section on grounding for calm and confidence, which is a little different. And I’ve been wanting to, um, move that forward for about two and a half weeks. And so then once I write it down, once you write it down to notice what comes alive in your body, what sensations is there a tension?

[00:31:29] Is there a watt feel free to share that too? How intense is it? Zero to 10.

[00:31:47] Yeah, and I really, I want to appreciate someone wrote the check. Chad actually sometimes makes me feel blocked. I feel stalled that I’m not significant enough as others who are more active. And I think we’re all doing that to ourselves. We’ll look at other people and I’ll say, Oh, Margo has this beautiful backdrop.

[00:32:05] And there we’d painted that picture. And like, you know, there’s all these things going on that were judging me. I look at drew smile, like we’re, we’re constantly comparing ourselves to each other. And one of the things we’ve created here is a really beautiful space where we just get to be ourselves. And what the competition is here is how well we’re taking care of ourselves.

[00:32:26] And I would be invulnerable. When it feels appropriate for us, are we risking a little bit, but still taking care of ourselves? That’s the challenge here? Not who’s got the glitziest backdrop or who made a million dollars last week or who can tell whatever they’re doing the best. This is about being real with each other.

[00:32:45] I mean, real in the moment and actually clearing healing, creating pathways for yourself that will last a lifetime. Rick and I are not people that are looking for the glitz and the glamour. We’re looking for real people with heart and soul that want to be here in the moment. And that’s one thing when someone is talking about the piano playing the piano and they were afraid, they couldn’t actually feel the music.

[00:33:08] This is an in the moment thing. Can I be real now? How about now? Can I be in the moment now? How about now. And I think I had an impression a lot when I was younger that I, if I could just do it really well once I was there, I was going to be there versus, Oh, I did it pretty well. Can I do it now? How about now?

[00:33:32] It’s just in a moment as we go forward. And that’s, it’s really easy to compare to other people and look for the best in each of the people we see on the video and make ourselves feel small. And yet we can also, that can stall us that can really hold us up because our brain is so busy comparing and wow, I don’t measure up in any way.

[00:33:51] Why am I even here? Why am I trying? That is an old tactic. It’s a survival brain tactic really works. It keeps us small and quiet, like a rabbit in the bushes. It keeps us safe and quiet, but it’s not very fulfilling. It’s better than being eaten by a Wolf, but it’s not better than living in a thriving life in the moment, loving each other and being real.

[00:34:21] So I’d like to believe the tapping, Mister recognize that there’s something that matters to you that you feel stalled about. And that there’s a history. Okay. And even though I have this history not getting it done and not getting it done and not engaging and not engaging feelings about that. And I have feelings about that.

[00:34:55] I’m open to being present with it right now. I am open to being present with it right now, even though the past right now is really loud. Even though the past right now is really loud. Hasn’t been done. What hasn’t been about what hasn’t been done. I’m aware of some comments here, and I am aware of some Chavez here to whatever matters to me is different than that.

[00:35:28] Whatever happened to me is different. Whatever matters to me now. Oh, whatever matters to me now is different than it was back then. It is different than it was back then.

[00:35:41] I’m calming myself. Now I am calming myself. Now. Eyebrow matters to me. Now this matters to me. Now

[00:35:59] the past is so noisy and its past and its past. I acknowledge the unwanted reality. I acknowledged the unwanted reality that I’ve been stalled about this, that I’m installed about this. What if it’s okay to call myself right now? What if it’s okay to call myself right now and get clarity about why this matters to me and get clarity about why this matters to me, I’m actively choosing to calm the noise.

[00:36:37] I’m actively choosing to calm the noise

[00:36:44] and you’ll notice there and just check in with your body. As you think about this one thing that matters to you, does this still feel the same in your body? If you get distracted out to this trauma from the past, I’m going to invite you. If you plan. Let’s say, Oh yeah, that’s there. I’m going to write it down because it’s important.

[00:37:07] I need to do the trauma work on that, but this thing matters. And there’s probably something that I could do in 10, 20 minutes that is not going to risk life, limb, property money, or my health 20 minutes. There’s probably something, if it matters to me that I could do in 20 minutes. And so I’m giving myself a space or a container that takes something that’s stalled and quiet down the noise.

[00:37:37] That’s outside of 20 minutes space that you’re going to have at some point. Does that make sense? Uh, and I’ll also invite you. I noticed what a lot of people sharing, like you were talking about feeling into your body. Like it’s great that we notice what’s going on on our head or thoughts, but it’s also equally important to feel what’s happening in your body.

[00:38:00] It might be, I was noticing when you were tapping, right. I was noticing a lot of heaviness and kind of stuck feeling. Um, my, you know, I was, I was noticing, I imagine that I’m getting it from the group as well. Like, um, what, when you notice your body, it helps you get out of just your spinning thoughts and our spinning thoughts can suck us away.

[00:38:19] So, and we often don’t want to feel that feeling, that stuck feeling or whatever, we’re noticing the heaviness tension humans. Don’t like to feel those feelings. So we tend to distract ourselves and sometimes we can just be with the feelings and breathe and do, maybe do a little tapping. They pass through, um, they don’t pass through for distracting or runaway running away.

[00:38:43] Yeah. So I just invite you to notice that notice the feelings you’re having your body as well.

[00:38:51] Would you like to lead us just another quick tapping on the feelings in my body and being with them right now that it’s okay. Karate chop. When I think of this stalled space, I think of the stall space and all I haven’t gotten done all I haven’t gotten done. I feel a lot of heaviness in my mind. I feel a lot of heaviness in my body.

[00:39:17] I feel tired.

[00:39:21] I feel tired and tense at the same time and tense at the same time,

[00:39:30] I don’t like this feeling. I don’t like this feeling. It feels sticky in my energy system. Stalling.

[00:39:42] And I want to run away and watch TV and I want to run away and watch TV or something. What if I just stayed with this feeling for just a moment? What if I stayed with this feeling for just a moment longer? What if I took a deep breath into it?

[00:40:02] It’s just a body sensation.

[00:40:07] The body sensation of being stalled. Yeah. My survival brain can, is convinced I’m going to die. If I feel this, my survival brain is convinced I’m going to die. If I fail this and it wants to distract me really badly and it wants to distract me really badly. But the truth is it’s just a feeling in my body.

[00:40:28] The truth is it’s just a feeling in my body, eyebrow, this heavy, stuck, tired feeling.

[00:40:37] Side of the eye with all the anxiety and tensions swirled in with all the anxiety and tensions world under the eye, and some grief in there too. Yeah. That’s some grief in there too, under the nose and some anger, anger, and in frustration. Palomo and I mean, with those feelings right this minute, and I’m being with those feelings right under the arm, and I’m tapping to let them pass him,

[00:41:12] I’m tapping on me, my body, letting them pass through that. I don’t have to carry with them with me for the rest of my life. With me for the rest of my wire. Just take a nice deep breath.

[00:41:31] I encourage you to notice that if you were able to step in for even a second or two, you’re able to face those feelings for that little bit of time. Each time we can tolerate and be with the feelings that we’re actually feeling in our body, we build resiliency. Part of what makes someone, the kind of person.

[00:41:50] I want to be someone who can feel the feelings that are really there and face them, and then clear them out. I’m not saying we should suffer and wallow in them, but I want to know what’s there. I want to know what my body is saying to me and not just blanket out when it tells me something that’s not really pleasant to hear.

[00:42:09] So the more you can just build up, it’s a building, a muscle and our brains are like, Oh, no pleasure. All we know, we know, I don’t want to feel that. But if we can just be there and listen for a moment, often our body doesn’t have to stay there. It’s like, Oh, you heard me? You listened. This does feel heavy and okay.

[00:42:26] Let’s move the socks. Yeah. So, um, before our break, I’d like to, I’m going to ask Noreen to unmute. You’ve had your hand raised and you have five at most 10 minutes, um, before the break. Okay. Hi. Hi. Um,

[00:42:54] I’m in the midst of a very big move, literally and figuratively. I’m moving across the Pacific to Oahu Hawaii, and I feel like I am being stalled by bureaucracy for over a month. I have had my application in for a one bedroom apartment, a six month lease, not the Taj Mahal. And I’m still at this day where escrow has closed.

[00:43:34] I have to be out of here in 12 days and I’m feeling, uh, like I don’t have a landing spot.

[00:43:56] Yeah. So just to be clear, this feels like stuck. Okay. Eyebrow I’m feeling blocked and stuck. I’m feeling so blocked and stuck. I’ve been waiting on these people. In waiting and giving them everything they wanted and they haven’t, and they haven’t acted. And it’s time for me to call myself

[00:44:32] and it’s time for me to calm myself and get my own clarity here

[00:44:43] and get my own clarity here. Hold on. I have the resources, so I will not, I do not need to be homeless. I have the resources. So I, I do not need to be homeless. Yeah. I think that was my primitive brain going. You heard that and that’s why we tapped on it. And that’s why it’s helpful. Right? Like we, that’s why we do this together as like I heard your primitive brain.

[00:45:13] I know, you know? Yeah. That’s, that’s what mine would say. Right. I’m going to be armed. And other thing isn’t opening thing, isn’t opening. It is stalled. It is Stoltz. It has the energy of being stalled. It has that just. Quick slate, sand, slow, sand feeling, being stalled. And I’m wondering if it’s time for some compassionate self-empowerment or something, you know, similar creative, creative options.

[00:46:02] Yeah. I’m wondering if there’s some creative little self, self care options,

[00:46:15] sooth myself with thank you. Because this is where something is legitimately a stall it’s outside of us. The cooperative components are not cooperating. Something’s not open. You’re doing your part and it’s not opening now. This process, this skill says, Oh, I’m aware of this. And it’s important having a place to live matters to me.

[00:46:44] And if I start, if I start escalating and start feeling like, Oh my God, I’m going to be homeless. That’s Rick’s primitive brain going. This is, this is really important. We can’t leave this to chance and it’s stalled. And I believe that the, that the process that we’re in, where it’s like, this is important to have a home to land in.

[00:47:08] It’s actually a stall. I’m doing the things. My part of it. It’s a co-creation right. You’re part of it is moving forward. You’re providing, and it’d be different if you weren’t providing the stuff. So if you’re providing what they need in a timely fashion, and they’re not moving, it’s still the energy of a stall.

[00:47:29] Yeah. And when we come back, we’re going to look at like, after we quiet the noise enough so that the trend is calming. What, how do we like, hold it in our hands, a stalled bang, a stalled situation in a way that builds our confidence so that we’re, we’re emotionally free and savvy and empowered and no, we can’t force something to happen.

[00:47:57] So then.

[00:48:01] Before we go on break. Do we have, can I just lead a one per ground on just opening to new ideas? Yeah, you can try on anything you like with this, but I invite everyone to tap along karate chop, even though that paths, he just blocked, even though that path seems so blocked and I’ve done everything I know to do, and I’ve done everything I know to do, I’ve been asked to do.

[00:48:28] I asked the universe to draw my attention to anything I can do to help. I asked the universe to draw my attention to anything I can do and other options that might be available to some other options that might be available that I’m sure are available. Yeah. Top of the head. Hey universe. Hey universe. I wrote, I’m not sure if you’re saying no, don’t go there.

[00:48:57] I’m not really sure if you’re saying no, don’t go there side of the eye or just be patient or just be patient. Okay. Under the eye. And I’m really feeling stressed about this. Oh. And I am so stressed and drained about this under the nose. I’ve done everything I know to do. I’ve done everything I know to do 10.

[00:49:23] So I’m turning this over to you right now. So, um, I’m turning this over to you right now. Collarbone. Please draw my attention to anything I can do to make it better. Please draw my attention to anything that will make it better under the arm. And if that’s not a good path for me, and if that’s not a good path for me, go ahead, please make the things I should do.

[00:49:51] Be really bright and shiny. Yeah, he’s make the things I should do. Be bright and shiny and beautiful, deep breath. And I like to end those. That’s kind of a prayer for me that I often do when I feel stuck or stalled or whatever I’m feeling I often add to this outcome or something even better, something I couldn’t have dreamed as good of.

[00:50:18] So maybe it will be Taj Mahal, like, Oh, here, take the Taj Mahal for three available. And you’re like, yes. As a matter of fact, I am. So, you know, I just find the universe because sometimes that helps us feel like you first, but it’s on us and someone else’s in coming through, it can feel very heavy. And if we put the universe to help us with it, sometimes I can feel a little bit like, Oh, not little.

[00:50:41] Thank you so much. Both of you, Cathy. I hope you find some really wonderful, well, thank you. All right. Thank you. Norine. And so now we’re going to take a seven minute break. We’ll be back at, um, at 42. Um, and what we’re going to do is we’re going to pause the recording here. And w if you’re watching the replay, which a lot of people who are it’s in the middle of your night, um, we’ll be doing, um, we invite you to pause here, take some time.

[00:51:19] This is a chance to take care of yourself. Um, bio break, stretch, do what your body needs. It’s also an opportunity to, if you’ve, you need to calm yourself just a little bit more, or allow yourself to open to some possibilities for how you could engage with this thing that matters, that stalled, um, with some, some creativity, it’s also a beautiful, it’s a beautiful time to do a little journaling while you’re still in the container of the class while you’re still held a lot of times, some really brilliant things come up.

[00:51:53] You’re welcome to, uh, Kathy and I are going to mute and I’m going to turn off my video and we’ll be back at, um, about 32 33. Yeah. And I’ll be monitoring the chat. If you have thoughts you want to share.

[00:52:09] Yay. We’re back. So recommend me to video it’s on YouTube and we sent that out. But if you haven’t seen that someone was asking you in the chat, how do you know the difference between stuck and stalled? And so I just want to, just to give people context, if you’re stuck it’s, if you imagine that your, your truck is stuck in cement, the cement is set and you’re like, there’s no way to move forward.

[00:52:31] Um, and we have a call in a couple of weeks to go over. Some of the things you can do around trauma to unstick that, and stalled is that your car is on the side of the road and installed. It just needs to jumpstart to get going. It is if the vehicle is able to move forward, it has what it needs, except for a little bit of energy to move forward.

[00:52:49] So I wanted to emphasize the difference on that. Um, and there’s nothing wrong if you’re stuck versus stall. Like we have different things that are, I think every human has places where stuck in places were stalled and some places were running great. Um, And our, our concept is to give you some steps and some concepts to move forward so that you can quickly decide, which is it than I am, because that helps you discern how deep you have to go and how much, you know, how much help you might want to get.

[00:53:17] If my car is set in cement, I’m going to call the experts. Um, if I’m stalled, I might be able to jump, start it myself, or ask a buddy to like, sit down with me and do it. So, um, just to give you that context, if you hadn’t watched those videos. Yeah. So I’d like to talk a little bit more, um, about why we stall.

[00:53:38] And

[00:53:41] so we’re not a car cars are a lot simpler in a lot of ways compared to us, but a car can install for a lot of different reasons, right? It could be out of gas, it could be out of juice in the battery, like the alternator isn’t working or something. It can be overheated. It can be too cold. It can be, um, a lot of different things, vapor law.

[00:54:10] Um, there’s there are many reasons the electronic control mechanism inside the car could have just gone. I don’t know how to do spark, you know, great spark anymore and just lost its mind and needs to be reset or replaced or whatever some of that is effect. But for us as physical beings, emotional beings and spiritual beings, a stall, if we take a pause for a moment and, or step back from like, okay, Things are stalled.

[00:54:47] If you’re thinking about other people that you know, that you’ve noticed that make got stalled, what are some of the reasons? Well, they’re tired and what the action that, that matters to them really requires a level of rest and replenishment that they don’t have, that it matters to them perhaps so much.

[00:55:09] And I’m not talking about perfectionism, which is a different kind of, um, on the spectrum of caring about something so much that it actually crosses over into dysfunction, um, as a recovered and recovering perfectionist. Um, so again like you can be depleted and that’s why you’re stalled. That is a reason.

[00:55:34] It’s a perfectly legitimate reason. You’re a physical person. Emotionally, like just coping, as Kathy mentioned during the pandemic, maybe just taking up all of your available energy. And while you care about socks, they’re not as important as keeping your, your, your chest together.

[00:55:58] So like I noticed some of that in my life, like there’s a quality of physical and emotional depletion that we need to replenish, and that can be a stall there’s excess. Like the I’ve been doing so much that I’m actually revved up. My, my engine, my brain, everything is actually like, but what I care about is something that, to do it, to be with it, who engaged with it actually requires more calm presence than being manic or revved up.

[00:56:38] Or whatever you call that paper, um, uh, energy. So for example, um, you see this with kids, like they’ll get so revved up that they can’t actually get ready for bed we’re in getting ready for bed is actually kind of like softening into it. Um, we do that with our work too. Um, and which things that matter, another thing that I think is very important because I, I believe it cuts to emotional freedom as what’s the frame of reference that I’m operating under the frame of reference, for example.

[00:57:14] And I mentioned, I, I can’t do anything because I have to, if it matters to me like this work, I couldn’t have shown up tonight because I have to, I would have stalled. Like my body would have just not been from growing up with that. I am so clear that I want freedom. Including the freedom to not show up, not have to around things that matter that I can stall.

[00:57:46] And that’s really useful for us to, to know about ourselves that the more emotional work you do, especially trauma, recovery, and healing, the more, the less you’ll put up with being fired. Right? Like if old noise is still there, that’s, what’s important to quiet down enough. And then, and then, and then reactivate, um, jumpstart, like, okay.

[00:58:17] I think that as a culture where a lot more into fixing and jump-starting then replenishing and tending to. And even like, getting really clear about where we’re going and what, what matters. And I’d like to add one more to that. Rick is sorry about my neighbor’s car. Um, if we’re trying to get too much at once.

[00:58:38] If I have my, my little pickup truck on the side of the road, and I’m trying to pull a hay wagon full of cement, it’s going to stall out. Sometimes it’s just not going to have the energy to do it. And one of the best ways I know to get my cell phone installed is to break it down into baby steps. So one of the things that I’ve been trying to do is I want to go through my oldest drives and clean them up.

[00:58:59] But every time I do it, it’s, I’m going through all the districts. And then I don’t make any movement at all. And I actually got my house all cleaned up because I’m like, I’m just going to pick up this one thing and put it away. I’m just going to do the bookshelves right here, this little bit of the bookshelf.

[00:59:16] And then once I started getting some momentum, it felt so good that like I could not do the rest of the bookshelf and I wiped everything down. And the feeling of the reward of having that little bit done gave me momentum as opposed to I am going to clean my entire house right now. And I think we often do that.

[00:59:34] We put so much on the, our, our engine that we stall out versus. Oh, what if I played the piano for one minute? Just speak up and let myself just enjoy the music. What if I, you know, spend a little, just do a little bit, take off some of the weight that we’re, we’re trying to tug along. So this is again, like if you can’t do this, when you’re all like so noisy, so noisy, but you don’t have to be calm at a zero or even a five.

[01:00:03] You were loud at a nine. Um, I can’t do this, I can’t do this. I can’t do this. And you get to the point where, you know, I don’t have to do this. You don’t have to open up your trading platform. You don’t have to, there’s no half to there. And when we get to a place like, Oh, well, if I don’t have to, Oh, I don’t have to, don’t have to do it this way.

[01:00:32] You don’t have to do it this way. I don’t have to go to, I don’t have to land. At that point. I told him a place to live, other places to live. There are other places to live. Right. I don’t have to do it that way. I don’t have to do it exactly that way. Almost everything can be more, almost like almost everything can be morphed.

[01:00:58] Everyone’s everything molded, welded, modified, modified. What if I look at this as something that might be right for modification? What if I look at this as something that might be right for modification emotionally, including emotionally, am I, am I shooting on myself? Am I shitting on myself? Eyebrow? Do I see only one option?

[01:01:29] So I only see one option. That’s a clue. I only see one option. If I only see one option, that’s my primitive brain. That’s been great. Maybe it’s good. That I’m stalled for a bit. Maybe it’s good that I was stalled for for a little bit. What if there’s some real intelligence in my stall? What if there’s some real intelligence?

[01:01:53] And when I stall, I might be stalling because the direction isn’t right for me, I might be stalling because the direction is right for me. Favor of being isn’t right. For me, the state of being isn’t right for me

[01:02:11] now, again, if you calm yourself first, then those questions that I’m offering will be a like openness. If you didn’t call me yourself, first, those questions will feel like overwhelmed. It must’ve consider that you’re still in primitive brain. Love you. I’m S I test this myself. I asked myself an opening question.

[01:02:33] Like, I wonder if there’s another way to look at this, you know, I go, Oh, okay. I’m still in my primitive brain, even though I’m still in my primitive brain about those. And I refuse to really let myself pause. And this is, this is the core to me, of the intelligence of a stall. When I work with people that there’s something that really matters to them, love supportive their family, being of service in the world, um, being healthy in their body, having a, a nest that feels nourishing to them, whatever it is.

[01:03:09] One of the things that I notice is that a stall and be a pause, an opportunity to pause. And that keeps you from having to call them very much like, Oh, stall. Oh, okay. What if there’s intelligence here? What if there’s intelligence here about my body’s place? My emotions, my frame, you know, like now I’m approaching this.

[01:03:34] Well, I feel like I have to do this thing. Oh, that’s a clue right here. Like there’s only one way to get housing or one way to make money for my family, even though it was a past gift, do I feel like I have to do it that way? That is such a clue that would let you know when we feel there’s only one choice.

[01:03:55] It’s such useful information. It’s gold. It says, Oh, primitive brain. And it’s time for me to pause

[01:04:06] and maybe write down some other options. So if you used my example, I’ve had in my mind, this idea that what I have to do for the grounding for Palm and confidence is do a video. Well, if I’ve only had three hours of sleep, I may not want to sit and record a video. And today following these steps and preparation, what I noticed was, you know, all you really need to do is put a couple of paragraphs in there and that’s better than nothing.

[01:04:39] That’s great. What about an audio? Oh, that might, uh, uh, what about, um, what about asking happy? You know, tell her what you’re trying to accomplish here and see if she wants to do a record, a video together. You see, like if I have multiple options, well, now the stall becomes a pause and a choice of an action to take.

[01:05:07] I hope that this is is clear and that it’s useful to you. Um, it is one of the life-changing things for me is to notice if I feel like there’s only one way to accomplish something and I may not notice it for three weeks. I may not notice it for three weeks. Got a little keep coming up, but that’s the way the brain works when it’s sometimes stalled is the insight doesn’t really open up for awhile.

[01:05:38] Okay. And I do like the idea of noticing that sometimes the style is the universe’s way of saying you might be going in the wrong direction or our inner being our true self. It’s a lot easier to course correct. When you’re stalled on the side of the road, that when you’re, then when you’re going 75 miles an hour down the road, very determined to get there.

[01:05:59] So I do like the little, it’s a silly analogy, but I used to ride this dressage when I was younger and they would call them half halts. You would just kind of gather the horse and like slow it down. Like it was in between, like you were just kind of like let’s pull back into ground ourselves and check in.

[01:06:14] And so like, if you’re really stalled, that might be something to check. Am I aligned with doing this thing or what the vision of it is? I was thinking of when someone shared about during the cloche, like what if you picked up one piece that felt really delicious. And just see where you would might want to put it on the, the, the clause.

[01:06:33] It might be that your, your cognitive brain has a vision of what it would look like. And some part of you is not really aligned with that, or that’s not how you, that your inner spread out all over the house or, um, that, it’s something that like, I mean, like, again, you notice how, if I’m not stuck about something, I can almost always come up with five alternatives for someone.

[01:07:00] And because I can do that when it’s not me. And it’s, I’m not stalled to me. It says, if I can’t do that for myself, then I’m, I’m in a different place. And with the time that we have, I want to, I want to move into like the confidence thing. What does that mean? So, competence thing is an energy is my energetic way of saying, Hey, We want to put energy into it.

[01:07:27] So let’s say that you’ve formed and you’ve gotten a little clear about what’s going on and some options, and maybe you don’t have your decision yet. You can confidence yourself by why, what makes this important to me happy when you think about, um, like those hard drives and we can all do this about what matters, what, what makes them matter to you?

[01:07:57] Um, it’s a lot of, uh, experiences and things I’ve created over the last 14 years, working with you that I don’t want to lose. Um, yeah. I’d like to, yeah. I’d like to have them organized so I can pull bits and pieces out to, to include when I, when it feels right. And I know exactly where everything is. Like having it as an accessible resource as something that is, um, archival.

[01:08:25] Right. And how does it feel to you to know that you’re the kind of person that, that matters to you? I like it. I liked them, the kind of person that I’ve created. I really care about. Like, I love that each of you are here right now, improving your lives. I imagine it ripples out in the world. And I like that.

[01:08:45] I’m the kind of person that’s created. Things that could, hopefully people help people live better lives. So that ripples out in the world and we can all together and make the kind of world we want to live in. So I’m really, I feel pleased that I was someone who wanted to create that and delighted that there’s people here that are hopefully using some of that energy and thought to make their lives better in the lives around them.

[01:09:09] I know a lot of people in the chat mentioned about like their nest and I call it a nest because a nest feels different than now. And, uh, to me, maybe my inner bird likes the idea. What, what about like, whatever you’re feeling stalled around related to your, your home, your nest, what makes it matter to you?

[01:09:37] And if you’re like, Oh, I hate mess. What bit on, you know, like, okay, I hate mass because I really like what you like a place that nourishes your energy or that is not really palming. Um, that feels warm. Um, that is a sanctuary, um, I’m, I’m offering some energies. There are common, but they’re, they’re not yours.

[01:10:13] So please let’s take a moment. And if you’re thinking about like an action, like I’m going to go trade and make money, take three steps back. Like I’m going to trade and make money because I want to make, I want to make more money for my family, because I want the feeling of, and I’m the type of person that this matters to you.

[01:10:38] You’re kind of working your way back if it’s really noisy too, up close. No, literally standing back, taking yourself back from it, rather than find a push yourself forward and get clear about why this matters to me. And again, I’m guessing that it matters to you for more than one reason.

[01:11:06] Matters to you and like,

[01:11:14] yeah,

[01:11:18] this is called like stacking energy. So if you think about one color rainbow, well, that’s nice. And if you’re in the mood for red, like my shirt, which isn’t a rainbow color, but like if you’re in the mood for red and that’s the color that you’ve got, Oh, what a pretty red rainbow. Well, one of the reasons why this is really helpful as a skill, like.

[01:11:47] If I’m working with someone who has a project that they really, it matters to them. It’s complex having a variety of ways that it matters to them. So like, I like a challenge I really do. Um, this is an area of growth for me and I, I like having something that is going to impact other people’s lives in a positive way.

[01:12:12] And this project has that potential. I liked that. I liked that, you know, I, I, it nourishes my family and we’re gonna eat this weekend, but my dog, my cat is going to have, you know, the care that it needs. And I love the man. I think it’s really important to notice if you’re building your rainbow out of colors, that don’t agree with you that are not really your favorite colors.

[01:12:40] I’m doing this because my mother would be happy and she would want me to do this. And I don’t really want to do it. I’m doing it because society expects me to do it. I think that I have to do it. If your, if your rainbow, if your stack, your emo stack is not things that are really aligned. And I really invite you to ask yourself, why am I actually, like Rick said, I don’t do things while when I’m forced or obligated.

[01:13:03] And yet many of us have internal voices, the sheds that are floating around and we’ll get fixated on things sometimes. So I should do this. So notice what color your stack is like, are there colors, are there don’t fit you and can you eliminate them or adjust where you’re going so that it, it really feels aligned to you often cleaning that up and creating an abundance and joy of things you want to create it because of can really help you move forward too, with it.

[01:13:35] Um, duty and obligation are not emotional freedom. We’re, we’re really about emotional freedom. And I believe that there are things duty and obligation is like poop in the soup for freedom, loving people, a little bit of duty and obligation feeling just makes it soup. And so, for example, I’ll use a tax example.

[01:13:57] Um, if I felt like I have to pay my taxes, I won’t, I will do it. I will wait till the last minute. And one of the things that works for me is like, I don’t like being someone who treats taxes as matter of fact, it requires work, but I like that. And it’s an opportunity to re reflect on the year past, but what also to prepare my energy for the year to come, um, I can actually feel some gratitude that I don’t have to do it on paper.

[01:14:26] Uh, yeah, there’s lots of noise and I don’t need to stack a lot of things to move on something that’s, that is an obligation on one hand, but there’s a way of tuning that. But again, like for our purpose here, something that matters to you, like your, your home, um, you know, you look at, um, if I look at the dishes and I’m tired, like I’ve been up today since four, I had a nice 40 minute nap.

[01:14:56] Um, but like when I looked at the dishes. I was like, uh, now I pause there. Now it was three days passed and neither, none of us had done the dishes. That would be a stall, but like I paused. And why does this matter to me? Well, I don’t know, like when I get up at four in the morning and the sink is clear, that’s a gift to my future, tired itself.

[01:15:27] I know that my partner is gonna feel that and you know, the ants I’d rather have them meet outside. And then I’m the weirdo allow way, I suppose, you know, I don’t, I’d rather have them. I am feeding outside rather than in, um, and that’s, that’s where you start activating and for long-term things that don’t like a lot of the things that matter to us, this is another thing that can help.

[01:15:57] They really don’t fall into the success or failure they fall into. I’m engaging with this because it’s, it’s fear to me is so dear to me that I want to bring my hardest rate to it. I want to put my energy into my nest and my community. And that, that matters to me on a lot of different levels. You’ll start feeling your energy, guiding you to something in that.

[01:16:26] And if you get noisy, quiet it down a little bit. There is an idea that I think came in tapping, and I certainly contributed to it very early on that you had to take your anxiety, your stress or overwhelm and get it to a zero. It is not true when the calming get sparks going down. If you can build up your confidence.

[01:16:54] So the confidence is two or three points higher than the noise. You can take inspired action. You can you’ll have the energy for it. If you try to confidence, when the noise is way up, then the noise will go with it. I think the noise is escalating. You know, it just like chases it. So if there’s this yin Yung kind of, okay, I’m pausing here.

[01:17:20] I may not want to, but I’m pausing. And then I’m tuning into like, what do I need? What is the energy of the situation calling for? Is there a way another way to look at it and perhaps buy something different for the first 20 minutes? And then why is it important to me? Yes. That activation energy, the confidence thing.

[01:17:44] And you’ll take inspired by. Yeah. And another way to do that is to take the small steps just rather than I have to clean the entire house. What if I just put the socks in the laundry? What if I just organized a couple books and just notice that felt good and appreciation can really help a lot of times where, like you didn’t clean the whole house as opposed to yay.

[01:18:07] You move the socks and that’s a muscle that we can build. It builds confidence, how we talk to ourselves builds momentum and confidence. So if you notice you’re beating yourself up or you’re stalled, if you can just pause and say, Oh, it’s okay. I have this old habit of doing these things, and now I’m going to try to practice turning it around.

[01:18:31] And anytime we learn something new or do something we haven’t done a lot of, well, it might be awkward. It’s okay. Just a little bit of practice over and over. You start getting your muscles build up and you start being, it gets easier and easier. And I just want to appreciate each one of you who showed up today.

[01:18:50] There are a lot of people we’re still in the pandemic. There’s a lot of people really stuck and just sitting home on their couch, watching Seinfeld read runs right now, and you all have the option to do that. And you said you showed up here and maybe you felt some feelings of felt tough and maybe you face some things, but you were here and you tapped on it and you gave your system a little bit of an opening, a little bit of a doorway.

[01:19:13] And even if it only shifts it a little, a little bit, it starts changing the trajectory of your life. Each time you pause and correct to go in a way that feels aligned to you. Each time we learn how to get yourself out of a stall or your comfort yourself, when you’re stuck, you start making a difference in your life.

[01:19:32] And I’m just really touched that you’re the kind of person that would spend your time and energy here. I imagine each time we do that, we create role models. We’re walking through the world a little different and we show other people energetically that something more is possible. And he created that tonight.

[01:19:48] So I’m really honored to be here with, with Rick and with each of you creating that world.

[01:20:02] And there’s the savoring, there’s the, you know, when we’re stuck and we, we do this, we apply some skill and we get the pleasure of taking an action that feels really congruent. As you said, Kathy. And then we take a moment, then a breath. That was a moment. It was a, that was a worthy moment of my life force, my energy.

[01:20:30] And the heaviness starts lifting and you can be more present with what is in the now driving now. Um, if you want more of this driving down at conference, I circle for Rick has a group coaching program, um, and the center, we can jump in and get support in between calls. I think now that center, thank you all.

[01:20:54] And these continue. Um, our next one will be the 23rd, I believe. Yes, under the 23rd from are really from scared and timid and confident. And we’re going to be dropping into some of these blocks and specific namas, you’re invited as it’s a real skill. And we’re the type of people that practice that.

[01:21:33] Have a great night. Bye for now.

We covered…

What does it mean to be stalled? How does that differ from being blocked or stuck?

  1. Tapping as we tune into our reactions (noisy! heavy!) when we become aware of where we are stalled.

  2. Continuing to calm the noise to it is even possible to tune into the situation with our resourcefulness. (When the noise is too loud, we literally can’t think or perceive with clarity. It’s a crucial step and where real skill is soooo useful!)

  3. Bringing awareness to Choice, with a knowing that if we are triggered into seeing ONE AND ONLY ONE choice or way forward, we’re still in primitive brain (and would benefit from more calming). Once we have a sense of choice…

  4. Tune into why this matters to us. This is confidencing – the act of bringing energy to our work, solid and hearty energy. It changes our state of being, and in that it also changes our perceptions and our resourcefulness. It’s amazing to feel! It makes this real skill so rewarding.

  5. We take inspired action from that confidenced state of being.

Reminder: The skill here is to be able to calm our nervous system and regulate enough so we can perceive more clearly, then bring up the “volume” and flow of energy around why it matters to give us the power to act from choice and desire (rather than force, obligation, and fear of consequences).

Resources Mentioned

  1. Thriving Now Emotional Freedom Circle

  2. Grounding exercises

Great to have you on this journey with us!

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We were with the feelings together… even the uncomfortable ones. Indeed, we believe that is part of confidence – knowing we can be with an uncomfortable situation and not end up in self-criticism, rebellion, or avoidance.

What matters to you matters to us. We know that stalls are a natural part of living in this body with its fluctuating energy levels and varied ways of perceiving situations – with some of those perceptions coming from way past in our lives yet still influencing our senses.

By actively and skillfully calming the noise, gaining clarity about the options (and there always are options), building our energy flow with confidence… we’re able to pause, replenish, and then take inspired actions.

It’s so rich and rewarding to come from this place of power. It makes every aspect of our lives more intriguing and engaging.

Thriving… Now.

Enjoy the session, and we’d love to hear your ah-ha’s. Click [Reply] and let us know!


Thank you, Rick and Cathy, yesterday for the very powerful session on being Stalled, Stuck, Blocked. Reading the boat story made me teary-eyed, so it must’ve struck a cord with me subconsciously because I’m not sure consciously what.

Yesterday morning I was dealing with Verizon on a couple matters One matter was as far as we could go and I just had to wait for the next week (bill estimate issues - wayyyyy too high), but each time over the past 3 weeks, it’s at least coming down and more things are correct here. This has felt like a stalling process.

Then, the 2nd issue which is the one that took the longest which I thought was resolved last month, turns out that it wasn’t and I didn’t have a complete understanding of the problem. I just wanted it fixed and I didn’t understand how it could be. Having dealt with the problem so close several times, I couldn’t see the forest from the trees.

By the 3rd Verizon person I talked to and Tier 2 level and 2.5 hrs later, I was starting to lose my patience. The other 2 reps and an additional couple reps from a different area were assisting me. One was saying that Verizon had to fix. Verizon was saying the other company had to fix. Stuck between a rock and a hard place. This all was due to an error I made 1.5 yrs ago that no one caught, including me. I had signed up for something and fat fingered typed the wrong email by 1 character.

As my husband was nearby and working, he heard part of my conversation and frustration and simply said, why don’t you see if that email is taken. If not, take that email and problem almost solved. If it is taken, then we’ll further go back to the other company to address to delete my accounts. Turns out that the email I fat fingered typed was available, so I created a new email and then I was able to access the account and change things.

It does mean one more email I need to keep track of because there is billing associated with it, but the near 3 hrs of frustration ended with a simple suggestion I hadn’t thought of. I assumed that email was actually somebody’s when it wasn’t. That 3 hr call could’ve been 1 hr and with only dealing with 2 reps, but I was temporarily stalled.

Yes, don’t we just beat our heads in frustration and anguish, unable to get anywhere when sometimes the answer is so simple when we calm down and aren’t in some panicked primitive brain mode?

I’m going to go play a few minutes of piano a few times a week to see if it can begin to break through some of the cobwebs, crusted over areas of trading. Maybe when I can begin to feel the music again, the creativity will flow and I can reduce the noise of fear and be able to turn up my love for trading once again.

I do know when I get back to trading, I must have a calm perspective no matter what is happening and be very neutral in my emotions - neither excited or depressed no matter the outcome of my trading performance. That is what I aspire to be - “gotta make the donuts” attitude and then I’ll be ready.

So far, I still get far too excited over some things, but it’s much less frequent and not for nowhere as long.

I appreciate the inputs of everyone, too, and their stuff because sometimes it triggers or activates things in me that need to be revealed and dealt with.

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“I bow to the animal beast within.”

I say that to make me laugh right now. Yeah, I dream of an environment where like with your husband, someone with Resource Available can help us Pause, regulate, and be a… Resource with us.

It’s like, I wish I was there to explore with you on the piano, if you were open. To play a key… or two. Pause. Listen. Feel! And then have the other person play. Then listen. Feel! And play.

I’ve been doing that with my daughter. Yes, she whacks the keys. It’s okay; inexpensive electronic keyboard. What I’m doing is listening, feeling, and then playing something in Response. It’s fascinating. Good for me. The 7-year-old Emerald gets this even more, and with him there’s something I’d call even “musical” happening… with Adira it’s Noisetastic! :stuck_out_tongue_winking_eye:

On trading…

This keeps coming to me. The “genre” being played in trading markets has some new energy, at least to me. There’s the “sound” of “software” and AI and even intentional disharmonies. I believe the energetic approach would be to listen, feel, and IMAGINE a play in response, and feel into where and how and whether that is really a place you want to be… and how. Not “taking action” in the math/trade sense, rather exploring the energy of it all without ANY pressure to take a concrete “position.” How would that feel?


Sure, that would be great to explore the piano with you Rick. However, I don’t play by ear, rather sight, so that part is always challenging for me. I think that’s awesome you explore with Emerald and Adira. How precious is that time. I was supposed to when my son was much younger, teach him to play. But I couldn’t get it together to do so, so he taught himself. I love that - Noisetastic! I think that’s what I sound like now - compared to my much younger teens and 20s self that really did play well.

Now I just trip and stumble, but I’m learning to give myself grace. Maybe a goal of a few minutes a day was too much. I think I’ll reassess that goal to a couple times a few for a few minutes. My husband bought me this nice electric piano (that looks like a real piano) for Christmas 5-6 yrs ago and I don’t play it much. My son plays it quite frequently. He bought it so he could hear me play and I know that even though I don’t sound like I want, he enjoys hearing me play.

As for trading, I won’t be trading with any real money anytime soon. If at best, just real-time practice trading, but even I can’t bring myself to do that. My trading plan allows me to trade no matter if the market is calm or volatile or moving up, down, sideways. It can be moving fast, slow, or steady. I worked for years to develop a trading plan and style that allows me to trade whatever timeframe I feel comfortable with and I know how to make money regardless of the direction of the market - if the market is down, that is actually my favorite direction to trade because it’s faster.

The logic of my trading plan is good and it works. But unfortunately it’s the human emotional factor where I mess up on. There is some subjectivity to my trading, so it can’t be really automated - it depends on me feeling the market like I would feel music. So it requires me to actually make the trades - push the button to get in and to get out. That seems so incredibly simple and it is logistically, but WHEN has been the problem - second guessing, fear, greed.

I have been working out these emotions over the past decade and I’m much better, but I still have a ways to go. I’ll probably never totally get rid of the fear/greed monster, but I’ll like to get it to just gerbil sized instead of Goliath size.

I think for me the taking action at this time would be play the piano a few minutes, or maybe get my flute out. I’ve been interested in trying a Chinese Bamboo flute, too and I can get one for relatively inexpensively to buy just to play - well, learn first.

And, I do agree with you there is new energy - i.e., cryptocurrency. But there are always many people out to make a quick buck or want quick money. I’ve been in trading long enough to know there is no such thing as easy money. I mean, you can make a lot of money fairly quickly (and I have done this many times), but if you have poor money management skills, a poverty mindset or other emotional/mental issues with abundance/money/finances, you will lose it all and sometimes more.

This past decade I’ve been focusing on getting rid of those bad habits, mindsets that keep the money fluttering away.

In the meantime, all these borrowing benefits sessions for me are impacting my thoughts, attitudes, actions about money. I used to dread paying my bills (sometimes putting it off for a couple weeks) and now I actually look forward to paying for them now. Huge difference in energy.

Sorry for being all over the place with this particular reply. I feel a bit disjointed right now. I always love your thoughtful insights. You are a true gem, Rick. Hugs to you!


I believe that even if we have a base of skills (piano, trading) that there is great value in Beginner’s Mind…

Like, just explore with your eyes closed how playing just the black keys feels to you. FEEL the vibration. Allow it to evoke you, influence you. To play written music is a performance, and usually performing what someone else created (unless you’re a composer, too).

I say this because my coach, Daniel Barber, sees a LOT of resonance and life skills that come from being in the Now… not in performance but rather in response. No, that isn’t playing the piano they way the teachers teach. It is the emotionally free way of expressing self. Perhaps starting with another instrument might make it easier, and I do recommend you at least try… feeling and listening as if… “You’ve never heard that tone before.”

Fresh. Now.


I just love how you think way out-of-the-box, Rick. I’m going to try this. I’m curious as to what this will be. I never thought of reading music as performance, but I’ll have to sheepishly admit, there is an aspect of performance I feel.


Performance is beautiful.

Sometimes we end up “associating” (bonding) something like the experience of performance with… making music using an instrument.

I am SHOCKED how musical I am.

I suck at playing a piece of music. Even to play the one song I composed for the guitar requires days of practice and remembering.

Yet… wow, sit down and Listen - Feel - Play and what comes out is not (to my ears and heart) “noise.” It is music in a way that the music I sing to Adira in languages either long forgotten or yet to be crafted feel like a heart song – which I can never repeat because it is for the NOW, not for performance later.

Yes, out of the box. I was tired of being blocked from expressing my musical heartistry.


I love running my fingers up and down the keyboard making chords, feeling them, changing them, listening to the vibrations.

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