Overwhelmed by Debt?

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Recorded: Tue, April 13, 2021 for 90 minutes

Where: Replay is below

Hosts: @Rick Wilkes ~ Thriving Now and @Cathy Vartuli ~ The Intimacy Dojo

:point_right: Get your Real Skills Workshop 1-Year Pass Here

Ready to shift your energy around debt?

Day after day, the debt wears on you… Night after night, you are haunted by it. Some days worse than others, but always lurking.

Debt can feel shameful. It can suck the joy out of pleasurable activities… After all, should you really enjoy that dinner out, that vacation, or those new shoes when you have debt?

Our survival brains can get locked into a pattern around potentially shameful issues like debt.

Since our safety and security are affected, all too easily we can end up in freeze mode, with a hefty dose of dissociation layered on top… Which makes it harder and harder to look at the issue and find any solutions.

In this 1.5 hour call, we’ll address and normalize the feelings and help you release the frozen and shameful beliefs so you can have more room to breathe and find better options for your life and your finances.

You are not alone, and you don’t have to suffer… Don’t let another day pass without clearing some of the noise and blocks holding you back from feeling solid around money and your finances!

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@Cathy and I recorded this 7 minute EFT Tapping and coaching to help us warm up for the Workshop “Overwhelmed by Debt?”

Do you feel shame around debt? Feeling like you may not deserve to get rid of it?

@Cathy and I recorded this additional 6 minute EFT Tapping and coaching to help us warm up for the Workshop “Overwhelmed by Debt?”

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Our Spectrum of Financial Vulnerability

After 15 years of this group work, I am aware that during our workshop some people will hear and tap along with someone who is “worse off financially” than they are.

When this happens, there can be a tendency – especially amongst sensitive, empathetic, caring folks! – to diminish our own situation and the impact it is having on our overwhelm and nervous system and clarity.

We invite you to allow yourself to feel what YOU feel. Honor and respect that your journey is different from theirs. You have resources they perhaps do not. They most likely also have resources you perhaps do not! It’s okay. We’re in Circle Together, and all our feelings matter.

It’s also okay NOT to have a ton of empathy all the time for others. You can tap and be really tuned to your own me-space. That does not make you a bad person.

Indeed, I believe that when it comes to something as intimate as debt, it can be energetically helpful to allow other’s stories and situation to attune you to your own world.

“I feel trapped by this debt.”

If that is true for you, as you tap tune into your own deep feelings of not being free! As you free yourself, you will have more to offer to the We-Space, too.

I smile knowing that all the painful work I’ve done over the decades on my own relationship to debt and money means I have a bit more calm and confidence than many – even though, yeah, I took on $21K in debt last year to make it through pandemic and a new baby.

Every time we tend to our overwhelm… each and every time we consciously calm ourselves a bit and then appreciate and accept and adapt with even a baby step more confidence… we set a tone other people can feel (and hear and know).

So bless you for your courage to even consider being with this! Let’s change the energy around this another notch Together. See you tonight (Tue Apr 13 2021) or on the replay.

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Overwhelmed by DEBT? - Replay of the Workshop

:point_right: Get your Real Skills Workshop 1-Year Pass Here

Wow. This work together matters.

Imagine if we were stuck with how our parents and ancestors thought about money, debt, abundance, and freedom…

Ugh.

It’s so clear when we come together like we do in this workshop that all of us have been impacted by negative beliefs, fears, worries, trauma, and overwhelm around things that matter – like the flow and balance of resources in our lives including financial resources.

Get a bit more calm.
Activate a bit more confidence.
Know what matters.
Adapt and take action from that state of being.

When we act from our overwhelm and fear, we don’t even see the doors that are there for us. (You’ll find the story Cathy shared about her rescue cat a powerful reminder.)

As you go through this replay, take time to pause and write and feel. Developing this real skill is so worth it!

@Rick & @Cathy

We welcome your insights, ah-ha’s, and sharing. Please! Click [Reply]

Click for Computer generated transcript

Overwhelmed by DEBT?

Overwhelmed by debt? I’m Rick from Thriving Now. And this is one of the workshops for the real skills. Real skills are things that when you make just a little bit of an increment, a little bit of an improvement, a little bit of a change, you start noticing that you’re able to be more yourself, more savvy, more aware of what’s important to you and able to drop in tune to and engage with those things.

[00:00:38] So this is in the section of being calm and confident, and I’m really delighted that people are truly when they dependency dojo. And who’s been a co-creator with mine for 15 years now, something close to that, um, is here so that we can reflect, um, what you might share with us in chat. If you don’t want to get on video.

[00:01:03] Can I, um, if you do share in chat, please know that we’re going to refer to it as in the chat or someone in chat, um, so that you can have some privacy. If you do choose to raise your hand and volunteer, when the time guests to that, please know that it’s going to be recorded and shared as well. So you’re welcome to go to the participants area, change your name if you want.

[00:01:28] Um, but I want it to be. Uh, clear about that. We’re going to be using an energy technique called the empty tapping, driving out of that calm slash tapping. We have that in the emails and, um, we are not going to be teaching that tonight, but you can, you can. Then that can follow along with us. It’s an amazing technique for this.

[00:01:46] I have exact real skill. The Kathy, would you be willing to get us started with some acknowledgement and yeah. Uh, I, yeah, first of all, I am just so delighted that you’re here today. I struggled with money. Most of my life. I have a great job. I have a PhD, you have an engineer. And so much of my life, I struggled with money.

[00:02:08] I didn’t have good role models growing up. One of my earliest memories is my parents fighting and screaming at each other while my sister and I hid behind the couch and cried because they always, they, money was just a conflict for them. And it was always, it was on my back all the time. It was, it haunted me, even once I got my good job and a good income, I didn’t know how to deal with it.

[00:02:30] And I had student loans and other debts and it was just always, it sucks so much energy out of my life. And I really appreciate you being here to look at this. Talking about debt is very shameful. A lot of therapists compare it to the shame of talking about sexual problems, which many people have, but they don’t want to talk about, we hide.

[00:02:52] We hide from our debt in ourselves. We don’t want to tell other people about it. And just by showing up here, it’s letting your survival brain, the part of your brain, that’s trying to protect you and help you fit in. It’s letting you know that you’re not alone. And just by being not alone, suddenly you have a pathway to healing this and it takes courage to show up.

[00:03:15] So if you can just let yourself appreciate yourself. You showed up. You’re want to do some clearing. You have to find a better way to deal with this. And I really appreciate the courage that brought you here. And it will make a difference because our survival brains are very powerful. They can get in the way of us making any changes.

[00:03:36] We can intellectually make all the plans and budgets and everything else we want to do. And if our survival brain is not on board, it’s a losing battle. We’re not going to be able to win. And what we’re going to do tonight is help you calm your survival brain and give it some ways to, to move forward that feel safe for it so that you can get on.

[00:03:57] You can be aligned with yourself instead of constantly fighting yourself so that you won’t feel so stressed about this. And so you can really make a difference in your life because the world needs you. It needs all of you, not, not you crumbled under debt and terrified it needs your power, and we want to help you bring that out in the world.

[00:04:17] So I’m just really honored to be here with you tonight. And I’m really, if you showed up. You’re, you’re amazing. If you’re watching this later, you’re amazing. You’re addressing the issue. And a lot of people run and hide and are haunted their entire lives. So you’re like, no, I’m going to make a difference.

[00:04:35] I’m going to do a little bit on this and that’s great. We’re really proud of you. So do we want to start with just a little tapping Rick? Or how do you want to, yeah. I’d like to do the first, the tuning. So our topic is overwhelmed by debt and let’s assume that we are in some level on some place. Maybe it’s not all of you, maybe it’s like, eh, wherever it is, it can be helpful to tune into your body and, and answer this question.

[00:05:07] I’m overwhelmed by debt because, and that can be hard to even like, Oh, because it’s too freaking big. And if it’s noisy, whatever it is

[00:05:29] down a word or two that are like, because I don’t know what to do.

[00:05:42] And let’s just whatever you’ve written down, I’d like you to feel like overwhelming is that I’m overwhelmed by debt because, and that feels like a, on a scale of zero to 10.

[00:06:00] How intense is it for you? As we begin? Zero is not intense at all. 10 is I’m melting under the pressure.

[00:06:14] Okay. And the first part of the skill is to acknowledge like that. The awareness and then to do we’ll do some, some tapping, tapping, stimulates, natural comfort points they’re used in acupuncture, acupressure. They’re using many different healing modalities. If you’ve ever been sitting in there, like they just don’t know what to do.

[00:06:38] I just don’t know what to do. And you’ve rubbing your chair because that’s the point, right? Like, why do we do this? Well, we happen to be covering and comforting some points on our body that give us access to flows of energy. The. Yeah, and we have a couple of people or someone sharing in the chat with their fear, what they’re feeling overwhelmed by.

[00:07:08] If that you’re welcome to type that in. If you like, it’s a way of disclosing and realizing you’re not alone. And that can be really powerful because it helps other people say, Oh, me too, I’m not alone with this. And that’s just a great way to start the healing process. Yeah. Would you meet us in a tapping about the overwhelm and maybe some scared about being here?

[00:07:36] And we’ll talk about how to raise our raise hands when we get to that point. We’re not, we’re not there yet, even though this is pretty overwhelming and just repeat after us, if we can and use the side of your hand. Um, even though this really is pretty overwhelming, even talking about being overwhelmed, even talking about dad and being overwhelmed, I want to run away.

[00:08:00] Part of me wants to run away and I’m choosing to be here tonight and I’m choosing to be here right now for myself, for myself and for my life, for my life. Even though this feels so overwhelming, even though this feels so overwhelming and I’ve felt afraid and trapped, and I have felt afraid and crap for so long, for so long, I’m open to finding a new way of dealing with this.

[00:08:36] I’d be really open to finding a new way of dealing with us, even though part of me doesn’t think there’s any way to deal with this. Even though part of me doesn’t think there’s any way to deal with this. I think I’ll be like this, the rest of my life. I think I’ll be like this, the rest of my life. What if that’s just my scared survival brain?

[00:08:57] Yeah. What about his best? My scared survival brain. I can calm it down. I can calm it down and find new ways to approach this and find new ways to approach this top of the head. I’m scared and overwhelmed.

[00:09:17] I am scared and overwhelmed by this step. Yeah, eyebrow, but I showed up anyway. I showed up anyway side of the eye. What if I’m pretty awesome. What if I’m pretty awesome. Under the eye? This debt feels really overwhelming. This feels really overwhelming under the nose. I have shame and guilt.

[00:09:45] And all kinds of other feelings and all kinds of other feelings, collarbone, but I’m doing something that I haven’t ever done before. I am doing something I haven’t done before under the arm. I’m getting help with a group of silly people that tap on themselves. I’m getting help put a bunch of silly people that are tapping on themselves top of the head.

[00:10:11] And I actually see some people smiling. So maybe you see some people smiling what’s up for this so they know how overwhelming the debt is. Maybe it’ll be okay. Maybe it’s going to be okay. And just take a nice, slow breath

[00:10:33] and just let your body just relax just a little. If your body will let you.

[00:10:42] I want to acknowledge that, um, in any community of people around death, there’s a, there’s a spectrum, right? We all know that we probably, we have some talents and privileges and resources in our world that some other people don’t and other people have talents and resources and things in their lives, uh, that we don’t, um, I suppose, sit on the community center.

[00:11:08] And I just want to reflect here that you may hear some things that make you feel like, Oh, that person, they are the ones that matter. They have it worse than I do. Or tonight, I’m not saying, put your empathy away. The fact that we are here in a circle. And even though it looks like a bunch of squares, um, I’d like to imagine for a moment that we’re in a circle and Kathy and I were not up on stage somewhere.

[00:11:36] We’re with you. We both have dead. We both run businesses. We both have living in a Western world where debt is just like, like refuse, you know, it’s, it’s a part of our world and managing it and not being freaked out about it is valuable. So as you feel other people’s experiences, you might see it in the chat and go, Whoa, bring it back to yourself for tonight.

[00:12:07] Ah, and that reminds me, or that touches a place in me, a memory, an experience, something that matters to you, whatever it is. And know that as you tend to yourself, you’re tending to us too. And as we tend to ourselves, we’re tending with you as well. That that’s a model that, that we come together. We’re here for about 90 minutes.

[00:12:33] I have my alarm that on my phone, otherwise it’s off, um, to remind us at about 50 minutes, somewhere between 50 and 60 minutes, we’re going to be taking a seven minute pause, um, to take bio breaks, get more water. You can do some journaling, things like that. Yeah. Can I just riff up just a little bit what you said about taking care of ourselves?

[00:12:54] Because I think it’s important, Rick and I are going to be talking about debt and taking care of ourselves. We are aware that there’s privilege in the world that some people had easier than others. We’re not at all. Excluding the racism that exists in this world, the sexism, the, all the other isms in there.

[00:13:10] We’re aware of them. One of my biggest things. And Rick is, we’ve talked about this many times is I can’t help other people if I’m not taking care of if I don’t have resources. So if, if I want to help someone that’s short on air, me holding my breath is not going to give them air unless we’re in a closed space shuttle on the way to the moon, which is not what’s happening.

[00:13:32] So if I want to, if I worry about other people not having money, me not having money is not going to help them get money. Does that make sense? If I don’t, if I, you know, me being abundant is not going to give my abundance to someone else, it’s not something I can transfer that way. When we get more abundant ourselves, we have more resources to help others.

[00:13:56] So, you know, I really encourage people to, I think there’s some people that, Oh, there’s so much suffering. How can I allow myself to get out of debt? How can I worry about myself? And we do, we want you to be able to take care of yourself too. You matter.

[00:14:14] I’m drawn to just do a quick tapping around on this is complicated. Yeah.

[00:14:23] Yeah. Even though this energy of debt is complicated, even though this energy of debt is complicated and it overwhelms parts of it and it overwhelms part to me in flood me, it can flood me and make me want to hide. It can make me want to hide and I’ve done a lot of those things and it’s okay. And I’ve done a lot of those things and it’s okay.

[00:14:48] No, it’s not. No, it’s not eyebrow. I have shame. I have shame and it’s complicated and it’s complicated. I have family history. I have a family history and it’s complicated and it’s complicated. Religion sometimes comes in religion sometimes because it’s complicated. It’s complicated when we are, and I have my life situation and I have my life situation and COVID and everything else and everything else.

[00:15:26] It is complicated. It is complicated and being overwhelmed may not be my most resourceful state and being overwhelmed may not be my most resourceful state. I’m a human being. I’m a human being eyebrow. I’m open to being a bit more calm. I’m open to being just a bit more, calm, more confident, just a bit more confident.

[00:15:55] Right here right now, right here. Right now. I have my, because I have my, because you’d be overwhelmed too, if you had my, because you’d be overwhelmed too. If you had my, because no one who wouldn’t be overwhelmed with my, because I’d be overwhelmed with my, because it would be a really strange thing. Not to be overwhelmed.

[00:16:19] It’d be a really strange thing. Not to be overwhelmed. Hello. I’m open to being surprisingly calm and confident. Anyway, I’m open to being surprisingly calm and confident anyway.

[00:16:39] One of the things that’s core to this skill of being calm and confident is to acknowledge, well, it’s not unreasonable to be overwhelmed with this because who wouldn’t be okay. And it would be weird, like weird, strange in my family or in my life or in my history or with this thing staring me in the face for me to be calm and confident.

[00:17:05] Wouldn’t it like, yeah, no, I should be freaking out. Right. I’ve done that. Um, and I’m open to it. I’m open to being calm and confident anyway, and this there’s plenty of neurological reasons for exactly how we’re doing this because we acknowledge the primitive brain because if it doesn’t think that you’re.

[00:17:31] Paying attention to it. It will keep poking at you. You don’t want to fight, push solve it now, like it’s a tiger that has to be solved now, or else it’ll wanna run like fire run, um, or it’ll freeze and just flood you with, I don’t know what to do other than watch television. Um, maybe I’m the only one.

[00:18:00] So like this process is acknowledge what we’re feeling and the reasonable, like from a very primitive standpoint, it’s reasonable and keep opening the door to being a little bit more calm and a little bit more confident in following this case does not mean that we don’t have any fears or any situation anymore.

[00:18:25] It means that we’re not in our primitive brain and your brain is not running. Our actions and our thoughts. And then the confidence side is not about that. We know exactly what to do and it’s going to pop out. It says, you know, I actually have some resource inside of me. I’ve been with this for, I’ve been in this life for decades.

[00:18:49] I’ve not done yet. And I’ve got some, some inner qualities that I want to just gently encourage, you know, we all have, we all have them. And I, as I look around, I, I, I love seeing people that I know. Many of your inner qualities that you can lean on with this? Yeah. You mean you came here and you’re on a zoom call and Rick was talking about the, the, how our survival brain is.

[00:19:20] So our primitive brain, our survival brain it’s very powerful years ago, I was fostering a cat. She was maybe eight months old and she was terrified of humans and she would want to get away from them. And I had a screen, a sliding screen door or a glass door with a cat door in it built in and she would get so scared if I moved to suddenly, if I didn’t know she was there, she’d run repeatedly into the glass.

[00:19:45] It was terrifying. She was, she was just out of her mind with fear. She’d run into the glass and all I had to do, if I could just sit still for a minute and I would talk quietly to her, she didn’t have to come completely to calm, but if she could go from that 10 to just completely panicked to a nine, very, very scared of needing to escape.

[00:20:05] But she was not completely, she wasn’t running into the door. She could see the cat door and go through it. And I think for, for all of us, I just want to remind us, we don’t have to go from a 10 fear to a zero to get this under control. We just have to stop running into the glass door, which is what a lot of us do when we, Oh, there’s only a little money left in my credit card.

[00:20:26] Let me spend it quickly before it’s gone versus, Oh wait, I I’m trying to pay this down. What if you know, I do something else for myself. What if I wait one day before I order that, whatever it is that you decide is good for you, you’re not running into the glass store and actually sabotaging you’re hurting yourself, which our survival brain will do.

[00:20:48] If it feels so threaten, would you lead us in a tapping there? Cause I I’m guessing that anyone who would. Show up for overwhelmed about, uh, might recognize themselves anyone else recognize themselves in some of these behaviors running into the door. Um, so if you, one of the qualities around that is shame and, and heavy obligation, perhaps, well, let’s go with shame and trapped and what we might have done in the past, out of those feelings and trying to deal with that and maybe bring some.

[00:21:30] Some attention and soothing to that. Right. Y’all done tap along with Kathy. Yep. And I’m going to invite you to take a nice, slow, deep breath first. And if you can notice where you’re sitting, when we get very scared, we tend to go in, we tend to get disassociated. We’re not really present. So notice if you can, what you’re sitting on and notice the texture of it.

[00:21:51] You may notice what your feet are on. Like, Oh, the floor is a little bit cool and it’s wood or whatever that is. It helps you to be more present with your body, which counteracts that panic grief response that can come back. One thing that happens is, are just like my cat, who was always trying to run away into the glass door over time.

[00:22:11] We were able to recondition her. She didn’t do that. The last several years I had her. She never, even if I jumped up and down and yelled and forgot she was there, she never, you know, she’d just had reconditioned herself, but for our survival brain, it was going to follow that neuropathway and we want to recondition it if we can.

[00:22:28] So credit, even though part of me panics, when I think about this, even though part of me panics, when I think about this, I feel so trapped. I feel so trapped and ashamed.

[00:22:46] I just want to get away from this family. I just want to get away from this feeling. I don’t want to look at my debt. I don’t want to look at my debt or any of my finances, my finances. I just want to run away. I just want to run away. And I’m angry at myself for running away in the past.

[00:23:09] There’s some anger at myself for running away in the past. What if I can let some of that go. What if I can let some of that go and start creating new pathways for myself, create some new pathways for myself so that I panic. When I think about this debt, I panic. When I think about this, I brow part of me is like a cat running into a glass door.

[00:23:37] Thanks, Kathy. Pardon me? Just like a cat running into a glass door when there’s a doorway right there, side of the eye. And I kind of, I kind of feel ashamed about that. I feel stupid under the eye. I shouldn’t, I handle this better. I handle this better under the nose, but no one really taught me to handle this better.

[00:24:05] Yeah, no one taught me how to handle debt better with more small of confidence, no one ever talks about it. No one in my family talked about it Halliwell, or they just shamed me more

[00:24:25] under them. What if I could heal the part of me that feels wounded?

[00:24:32] What if I could heal the part of me that feels wounded top of the head and start finding a better way to handle this energy. Start finding a better way to handle this energy because it’s a part of the world. Nice. Deep breath.

[00:24:56] Just notice what you’re feeling. What’s coming up. One thought I had earlier, when you were sharing about the shame, Rick was a lot of us, our survival brain is very black and white. It wants things to be good or bad. Yes or no. And I think a lot of us have been trained by society to judge our worth based on the numbers, on the scale, the size of our shoes or a dress or clothes.

[00:25:22] And also the numbers on our bank account. We’ve been taught that that distinguishes our value as opposed to wow. What if everybody has value and some of us have bigger numbers and less lower numbers and it’s all. Okay. So there’s a fixation. We can get on that in terms of our identity and our value as an individual, which can add to the panic, we feel.

[00:25:46] If we’re seeing, if we fear that we’re not worth that much. And our bank account reflects that where the scale reflects that all of a sudden we’re, we’re, we’re being reminded. It’s rubbing salt of the lose there. And Rick and I are going to have a call later in the month on body image as well around getting swore body confidence, because we think that people are amazing.

[00:26:06] Whatever they’re making count numbers are and whatever the scale says or how it went numbers on the calendar or whatever it is. And we want people to have that freedom. Yeah. Um, one thing to pause for a moment, and if it’s an invitation to kind of reflect and be in your body just a minute or two, and also I could use a little bit of a feedback in the chat.

[00:26:34] Is this on the right track for you? And if not, Um, we’ve got some more things on our, our plan topics that we’ve heard from people. And we know from all the experience we have working around this, um, with, with people. Um, but I’d like to, I’d like to just get a, a little bit of, uh, a feel from our community circle, um, for the next couple of minutes.

[00:27:02] Yes. It’s what people are saying. Totally at the Mark loving this direction. This is all helpful. Oh, this is so good. Thank you. Um, I’m good with direction. The process to breathe is very helpful and this is very meaningful and healing too early to tell. That’s great. Um, uh, I also fear that my debt might prevent me from having a great relationship.

[00:27:24] Yeah. He can get in the way of all kinds of experiences or we may fear it. Ken, our fear of that getting in the way can prevent us from trying to get some of those experiences. So yeah. Thank you for sharing,

[00:27:42] allowing some breathing. Um, we, we will tend to get into loops in our head around that and, um, I have a headache for six months straight. Related to an $800,000 obligation that I had to my subscribers, and I didn’t have the money to be able to print that how many newsletters over the time and pay my employees and everything else.

[00:28:14] And I realized that during that entire six months, other than like rubbing the paint in my head, I never like myself. I never like felt my bones of my hips. What are you talking about? Got this thing to deal with. And for me, it was, it’s making me really, really sick on a lot of levels. The debt wasn’t the only thing, but it was big, um, getting bodywork.

[00:28:50] Getting into my body. And that’s why this is a sematic approach. We use. Our body is natural comfort points, but in the pauses, I invite you to squeeze your knees, wiggle, wiggle your toes, and then press your feet into the ground. If you’re, you know, yield the sit bone waggle stretch, or Dawn notice you have a tongue that can actually like hang out in the hammock of your lower jaw for a moment.

[00:29:24] Let’s just do that. Just pick a, take a 17 second break at the beach where their tongue, if you like to be to the mountains and your tongue, just kind of hanging rolling around in the hammock of your dog.

[00:29:49] And I know that w one thing that’s coming up for me when you’re doing that. And I I’ve gotten so much better, but it still does is I can’t take care of myself until I finish whatever it is. That’s holding me back right now. And I love the analogy. Someone gets a therapist, gave me this years ago and it called my, it really called me out.

[00:30:08] I felt very called out by it. She’s like, would you take a house plant and tell it no water, no son, no nice words until you bloom. Are you ever going to get flowers from that house plant? It’s going to be dead. And yet I do that to myself a lot where I’m like, Oh wait, that you said you’re going to do the laundry.

[00:30:28] No nice things until you finished the laundry, you said you’re going to pay off your debt. No nice things until you pay off the debt. And then I, then I would break down and go do things like kind of passive, aggressively and splurge on things. So Rick’s inviting you to give yourself some presence and some attention.

[00:30:43] And if you have resistance to that, if you notice yourself kind of like none of that for you just imagine telling the houseplant, no water, no light until you do the things you’re supposed to do. And that wouldn’t be rational. That plant is dead because it wouldn’t get the things it needs. So

[00:31:03] even though I haven’t been completely rational about how I book. Yeah. I think even though I haven’t been complete re completely rational about how their French debt.

[00:31:17] I accept who I am and where I am. I accept who I am and where I am.

[00:31:30] I’m open to some changes. I’m open to some changes, eyebrow, I’m open to clarity. I’m open to clarity and it’s okay to take care of me for 17 seconds. And it’s okay to take care of me for 17 seconds. This isn’t something I can solve tonight. This isn’t a consult tonight. There’s a part of me that wants to solve this tonight.

[00:31:59] There’s a part of me that wants to solve this tonight. Sorry. Before I go to bed, I want all this salt, all the salt. Hold on. I feel that pressure. I feel that pressure it’s overwhelming. It’s overwhelming. Maybe it’s supposed to be, maybe it’s supposed to be,

[00:32:24] maybe the overwhelm is a signal I’m pushing. Maybe the overwhelm is a signal and pushing and I’m demanding a solution and I’m demanding a solution rather than a process, rather than a process.

[00:32:45] We can think that we’re overwhelmed because there we’re doing, you know, that it’s just so big. Well, we can be overwhelmed in the same way that if I showed you a pile of 67,000 bricks, and I said, we’ve got this done before you have your next meal or a glass of water. I would be overwhelmed immediately.

[00:33:08] I’d just be like, uh, and we do that are one of our subjects here is about, um, pushing through fast. And this feels like a good time to touch on this a little further. And Dale. Yes, I, excuse me. I’m I did use your name. Um, um, yeah. Uh, and we’d be too calm about it. So that’s why it’s calm and confident. We can take home to the point that we’re checked out even unconscious.

[00:33:51] Like if you keep calming all the way down, you’re, you’re not with it. Calming enough so that you get to a place it’s not your perimeter brain driving. Confident saying enough so that now you’ve got some resource working. Our brain won’t let us calm down unless we also bring up some confidence and that’s like the, and I’m open to being calm and confident anyway, like, can you feel that it’s like, Oh, I am not the type of person that I’m, I may not be calm and confident right now, but I’m open to it.

[00:34:25] Hey, open-minded person. Hey, that’s a confidence thing. That’s part of the real skill. And I’m excited about it because I did this for six months and it, it changed how I orient around these things, including including that. Yeah. And I just, I’d like to say if you’re in, if you find yourself so relaxed that you’re not taking any action, one, you can examine.

[00:34:51] If the goals are really yours or someone else’s that you took on, like either don’t really resonate for you or two, you might be. Sometimes we get so frozen, we get into what they call collapsed summit. It means our whole body. We have our body. We have no resistance and we just given our body has given up, so that can appear relaxed from the outside.

[00:35:13] Um, it doesn’t mean that we’re actually relaxed. It means we’re in trauma, but from the outside and even to the inside, it can seem like, Oh, I’m totally, there’s nothing wrong, but what if we’re not taking action towards things that matter to us or, you know, that’s a good thing to tap on and figure out how to move forward.

[00:35:31] And I really, I love what you’re talking about. The 10,000 bricks, right. Um, my mom is just, she’s selling her house and she has a six, I think, 6,000 square feet worth of stuff. She’s kept all kinds of antiques, all our children’s, our childhood clothes and notebooks and everything. And, uh, one thing she does often is she kind of gets her adrenaline really fast and she’s going to try to clean everything right now.

[00:35:58] So a lot of times she’s overwhelmed. She moves stuff from room to room, but sometimes she will just try to rev herself up and try to push through a bunch of stuff. And I think a lot of people do that. They try to get, they try to run out of fear. They try to drive themselves. I have to get this done by 10 o’clock or by six o’clock or bad things are going to happen.

[00:36:19] They’re driving their survival brain out of fear, which just reemphasizes the, the fear mechanism, our survival brain doesn’t get calmer. If we yell at it. If I yelled at my cat that was running into the door, you stupid cat while you’re doing this. Would she have calmed down, she would have just run into the door more.

[00:36:40] Correct. And we do that to ourselves. We try to drive ourselves and now our survival brain is running into the glass door. So one of the things we want to help you do is to take baby steps, to figure out what your we’re going to talk about. Zones of tolerance. Right now, someone wrote earlier, my dad never had debt.

[00:37:00] He had five kids and you know, like, okay, your dad may have a bigger tolerance around money. We all have different areas where we have more tolerance than others. And if we hit, we’ve been really overwhelmed with debt, just opening our, our checkbook. Just looking at a bill might be the max of our zone of tolerance.

[00:37:22] And one of the things I had to do when I was first dealing with some of this is I had to have a friend come over, either sit with me in person or Rick and I would get on a Skype and just be there for each other. Um, because it was so overwhelming. So what you, if you can, if you want to retrain, imagine your survival brain is, as they say, as the talent intelligence of a small dog, I’m a cat person.

[00:37:45] So, you know, if you had a scared cat or dog, you would say, okay, honey, we’re going to just look at this right now. Good dog. Good kitty. Good job. You didn’t do it alone, but you looked at it. You looked at one bill, but there’s 3000 bills there. No, but you looked at one, you opened it. Let’s deal with this good job.

[00:38:05] Now let’s go take a break. Let’s not try to drive ourselves through panic to recreate the trauma and just further associate money bills with an dealt with, with this trauma. So can we just do a little tapping around that, Rick? Do you want, or do you want to add something first?

[00:38:24] There’s there’s a truth in, in this work that the smallest dose, the microdose is going to show you what your feelings are. So when you, when you hold the bill, like you’re holding and you notice that sufficient to do the work. Build the skill to build the resilience. It’s not necessarily like, okay. I looked and then I, I take a break and bolt, right?

[00:39:04] That’s not what we’re talking about. We do mean to drop in and be with the feelings, micro dose them and tap, and then give yourself some supportive confidence thing and a plan to come back. So that’s, that’s our, that’s our approach. I just wanted to both amplify and, and refine those. The calm and confidence thing is about tuning into something, dropping into it, harming your body.

[00:39:38] Let’s do some tapping on that. Yeah. Um, and I want to emphasize also the, as we deal with our zone of tolerance, it gets bigger. It’s just like if we go to the gym for a little bit, we start building up the muscles and we, it’s not always going to be, I can only do this in 32nd bursts. This is going to be forever.

[00:39:57] Are you leaning on my

[00:40:01] karate chop? Even though I want to push through this, even though I really want to push through this, just dry myself and get it done right myself and get it done. It took years to create this took years to create this, and I’m probably not going to solve it in an hour. I am not going to solve it in an hour.

[00:40:22] What if I could teach my system to deal with this differently? What if I could teach my system to deal with us differently, their, their survival brain or their survival brain, please don’t run into the glass anymore.

[00:40:44] Let’s just take baby steps and learn a new way to deal with this and learn a new way over the head. I’ve always felt ashamed when I saw other people handle it. Right. I imagine other people handle this eyebrow and maybe they had to build up the tolerance too. Maybe they had to build up the tolerance too side of the, I just have to start with one small thing.

[00:41:19] That’s not the start with one small thing and really feel under the, I can tap on that under the nose. I can ask people to help me. I can ask people to help me chin, and as I take each baby step forward, each baby step forward collarbone, I can calm my survival brain. I can call my survival brain under the arm and start getting more confident, dealing with this stuff and start getting more confident dealing with this stuff.

[00:41:53] So, but then I don’t want to have to force myself through this, the rest of my life. I really don’t want to have to force myself through this, the rest of my life. I’m looking forward to this new way. I’m looking forward to this new way. Nice deep breath.

[00:42:15] Sometimes the there’s a, uh, just an emotional energy. I invite you if you brought a proper bill, a rule, anything like that, or if not, imagine some something around your debt that you’re aware of. And we’re just going to be with that. And the feelings we’re going to drop into it are all at 20 seconds. Okay.

[00:42:57] Yeah.

[00:43:03] Take a breath, maybe shake your hands out, making noise,

[00:43:13] whatever it is. Uh, Kathy and I have a tapping there in the center about the first one on as some noises in it.

[00:43:27] And if there wasn’t emotion in there or a sensation in your body, what might it be? And write that down. You’re welcome to share it in the chat or write in your notes.

[00:43:49] Get a low growling sadness intention. Grief in the jaw. A lot of guilt. I noticed, I felt very heavy. My stomach felt like odd. I want to have to carry that. It’s useful to guess at a number like how it feels to you chaos. Is it feeling the shock yet? How and zero to 10 again, 10 is the max. You could feel zero is nothing.

[00:44:22] Sleep. Be disassociated, really calm, shame, cried a little realizing I’ve been like the cat or

[00:44:34] we’ll keep it simple. I have feelings about this and feelings about this. And noticing the feelings I have about this, noticing the feelings I have about this eyebrow, they are non could be all,

[00:44:54] some big feelings about this. I have some big feelings about this. It’s not even the DEP. It’s not even the debt. The debt triggers some big feelings did that trigger some big feelings. So the big feelings exist and I’m, I’m aware of them. Now the big feelings exist and I’m aware of them. Now, hold on, I’ve cried a little, I feel these feelings.

[00:45:28] I feel these feelings, rage and despair, courageous, despair, guilt, and shame, guilt, and shame. And then say what yours is.

[00:45:45] Tightness in my chest and my brain just in my brain, checking out part of me is checking that, checking out, checking out. Pardon me is checking in honor and respect the part of me. That’s still here. I don’t respect the part of me. That’s still here. This isn’t easy. This isn’t easy and it’s really worthwhile and it’s really worthwhile.

[00:46:23] So you’re with other people right now and probably hundreds over the coming week that. You know, it would have been too much for them to be here, live. They want to go through and pause and pause. And I appreciate that, you know, we have this circle here. People like us do this because we want to engage with things that happen in life like that.

[00:46:50] With a different approach. My dad, right? He had eight kids. I had no idea how much debt he had, assets, whatever. Um, it was all just this, my asthma. I remember my mom crying every time the MasterCard bill arrived every single time, chief bride that’s in my nervous system. You cry. When the bills come, I use tapping to really drop in to a MasterCard bill that came about, you know, when I first started learning, tapping, it was one of the things that.

[00:47:28] I said, I have to change my reaction to bill coming in the mail because I either find them where I won’t even find them or they’re just like my mom, my mom’s reaction. That’s what I learned. And I held it and I stopped. And I said, you know, that’s, it hurts to even have this. I remember my mother aren’t you supposed to cry when the bill comes and you can’t pay it off?

[00:47:57] My mom cried every time the bills game was so hard and I still feel it. I really want to respond differently. We want to respond differently, react with some calm and confidence.

[00:48:23] Life.

[00:48:27] One of the things I love about tapping is that we can be honest. We can, we can move around. We can feel the emotions shifting and moving energy. Emotions are energy in motion. That particular moment we can call it fast or enraged at other times, like sluggish and depressed energy in motion hits our sensors and we give it a label.

[00:48:53] So you’re free to follow with that. And by dropping in, like we just did for 20 seconds and you all were really clear. You got clear about like what you were feeling in your body about it. We took some tapping on it. How do you feel? I’d love to hear, like, if you’ve noticed any shift, it doesn’t necessarily come down in intensity.

[00:49:20] But it may change complexity. Like you might feel like, okay, this is really intense. I’m aware of it. I feel like I’m more present with it more. I’ve got more, more of my capacity with it. Some of them share brought up my mom telling me I’m like my father and can’t hold on to money. Oh my God. I forgot. She did that.

[00:49:44] Thank you. And one of that’s brings up something for me. I want to make sure that you’re aware our survival brain is again, we said it’s about as intelligent as a small dog. Most of the beliefs we hold in, our survival brain were stored before the age of five. So they’re often not logical. They may have been something that you even forgot.

[00:50:03] You know, if you think of us, we’re a little beans running around trying to figure out the world. And we may not have exposure to a lot of people. We may only see our parents fighting over money or our mom crying over the MasterCard bill or whatever we, you know, so we learned money’s scary or bills are scary or whatever.

[00:50:21] Our poor survival brains like. Oh, this data is sucky, but okay. This is what we got to deal with there. This is what we have. And so we’re, we’re running on that script. The beautiful thing with a little bit of tapping is we can shift to the script. We don’t have to follow that, but just talking to your survival brain is not going to change it very easily.

[00:50:41] If we could talk ourselves out of these problems, we would’ve solved them a long time ago. Someone said they’re feeling a shift, so many childhood memories of not having, um, I’m having things. I think, um, someone else share experience shock and a headache. So I’m allowing that to come out. Yeah. Just feeling with what you’re what’s coming up is powerful.

[00:51:02] Um, Oh, someone’s father told him I was just a tax write off for him. And then when I turned 18, I’ll be on my own mom gambling, all her money away. In case he knows about alcohol and cigarettes, um, feeling as someone else said, feeling calmer and more at peace. I also appreciate your role modeling compassion.

[00:51:22] So all of this is, you know, like there’s often a lot of different things going on. Our poor survival brain has all these scripts that it learned from people. And there’s a lot of shame out there. And then if I can, I’d like to just normalize. I’d like to pick our pause. Um, cause we did promise seven minutes.

[00:51:42] Um, so, um, it is, uh, uh, we’ll call it one, two, three. Um, and we’ll be back at half, uh, at 30. Yeah. And if you’re not to take care of your bodies, but also it’s a great time to do a little journaling for yourself about what’s coming up, anchor what’s going on for you. You can put it in the chat or just write it for yourself.

[00:52:06] Yeah. Please tune in, drop into your body and see whether it wants to move or whether it wants to just be still, what do you need to use the bio break or something to drink? And you’re welcome to turn off your video for a bit. And I’m going to go ahead and pause the recording. Welcome back.

[00:52:31] So I think that if you’ve been looking at the chat, I’m going to be really clear that your, if your parents didn’t model a kind of awesome and confident and non-judgemental relationship between them and money and the flow of energy and out of their bank accounts and things that you’re not alone, like.

[00:52:56] Who had that very few people have that I think, and we can create it for ourselves now, which is really beautiful. It’s not, we’re not like, Oh, I’ve my survival brain learned that. And we’re stuck with it, which is really how a lot of people, before I discovered tapping, I had a really hard time shifting beliefs.

[00:53:15] Tapping is one of those miracle things that help us talk to our survival brain directly and rewrite those patterns. And I would like to, if we can just think about debt for a minute, there’s so much shame. People are saying there’s, it’s evil, it’s wrong, it’s bad. And yet most people have depths of some kind in this country.

[00:53:37] I have a half a million dollar mortgage right now. It’s dry. Like you should have seen my face when I was signing that I live in California. So that’s the only way you get a house, um, or be a multimillionaire. Uh, but I didn’t quite arrange that. Um, but. There’s debts that your student loans, I didn’t feel that bad about taking them out.

[00:53:55] It was the only way I could get my PhD that I wanted to get it. My family wasn’t in the position to help me. I didn’t have money in my own. I took out student loans. So some people don’t feel so bad about those good debts, like an investment in ourselves or, or an investment in a home. But there’s still like, for me, that’s like, Oh, that feels really heavy to have that much money.

[00:54:18] I owe other people, even if it’s secured in the house. Um, and I just want to invite you. We have meaning that we stories that we pile on things. Um, so when I took out my student loans, it took me a long time to pay them back, but I didn’t really begrudge it. I did feel like it was heavy that I was carrying a lot of debt at the time, but I, it was, it felt like a good investment in myself.

[00:54:42] It was a way to take care of myself and any, you know, Build my skills and my, you know, my ability to function well in the world. And some of us may have racked up debt during COVID or other times when we really didn’t have a lot of resources, there wasn’t a lot there. And so maybe what if that was like kind of a student loan at the time, a loan to help us get through a tough time or to grow?

[00:55:07] I know when I was doing a lot of healing, I ran up a lot of credit cards on therapy sessions and coaching sessions. And I was trying everything I could figure out to get, how do I get out of this, this trauma. I had a lot of abuse as a child. And so I was like trying to figure out how to live the life as a human, not running into the glass door all the time, like that little cat.

[00:55:28] Um, and so, you know, while it was, it was painful to pay those off and it took them, it took me a while. There was also a sense of I’m really glad I spent that money. I’m really glad. I took care of myself too and found ways to, to heal. And I don’t know that I would have found that as if I hadn’t been able to spend that money.

[00:55:47] And I don’t know, there were times it was dark enough. I would not sure I would be here if I hadn’t spent that money and got that support. So what if some of that debt is an investment in you way to make it through a tough time, whether the economy is doing weird things because of COVID or you’re dealing with old traumas or whatever’s going on.

[00:56:07] What if it was a way to take care of yourself through till now and now you can do something different with that. I just invite that thought to kind of, what if you can hold it different because when we bury something in shame, it’s very hard. Just shifted. Yeah. Buried in shame. I am. Even though there’s so much shame around money, even though there is so much shame around money.

[00:56:35] So many comparisons, so many comparisons is money evil. Isn’t many evil. Ask him, Kim,

[00:56:50] I want my own clarity or change. I want my own clarity for a change. And it would be really useful to clear off some of his shame, really useful to clear off some of the shame. I have some powerful beliefs about that. I am some powerful beliefs around debt eyebrow. And my worthiness, I have a BI and if there’s enough to go around and if there’s enough to go around, it’s all very confusing.

[00:57:26] It’s all very confusing. I acknowledge that. I acknowledge that I am not alone in that I’m not alone in that. This is not simple. This is not simple thought it was going to be simple. I thought it was going to be simple. They seem so sure of themselves.

[00:57:55] I’m in the process of clearing off some of this, another layer of shame, clean up another layer of shame right now.

[00:58:13] Let it go.

[00:58:18] I like that. Thanks, Rick. You’re doing tapping on any kind of regular basis. And if you’re overwhelmed by debt, I think that’s a really perfect thing because we have to use money almost every day. And sometimes, you know, the bills come due in certain days and certain cycles and other things, there’s a lot of opportunity, but what can happen for you when you realize that, you know, your father lived in a different realm, a different age, a different time with different, different attitudes, different values, different priorities, different ways that he established his status in the world.

[00:58:57] And you know, you’re not sitting in that world right now. You can’t, you know, it allows you to be clear that you’ve inherited some beliefs, which are as archaic as I don’t know, an old,

[00:59:21] right? So like we inherit things and the beliefs will come up. So here’s the thing. If you tap on the belief, that’s coming up, like there’s not enough. And then you, you really drop in your body and your, you tune to what’s real right now, what are, and you’ll get a deeper clarity. You’ll get an engagement and you have an opportunity to start getting your own wisdom.

[00:59:53] Your own wisdom starts bubbling out. And I saw someone who I used the dad example. And for this person, what they value is time with the family. Oh. Um, and maybe they value, maybe you value, um, the feeling of abundance within, within a healthy limit. Like that’s the feeling that I want. I don’t want to bludgeon my, my family with, um, another person talked about that they were shamed for having desires because their parents couldn’t have handle it.

[01:00:33] You know, I’ve tapped specifically on being asked by my children for something that I couldn’t give them, because it would throw us out of financial balance and being almost surprisingly calm and confident saying, Oh, that would be really cool it to have that, you know, we’re going to have to put our heads together to figure out how to afford that at some point in the future.

[01:00:55] But because right now, We’re both going to be just a little disappointed, but it’s not happening. I have had that conversation and I will tell you that that is very different than anything that could have ever possibly come out of my parents, either of them or my grandparents or anyone going back in my lineage, we’re crafting a new set of beliefs and values and ways of being with each other.

[01:01:22] And, and wow. When you start noticing that you can be in that place,

[01:01:32] I wish that for everyone, and it doesn’t mean that you won’t get triggered. I get triggered. It means that when you get triggered, you go like, Oh, I’ve got this. I want certain P and I don’t have it. Or I want no debt at all. And I don’t, I, that

[01:01:49] wall. And be be more present when you, when you have that resourcefulness, that’s more at your fingertips, but it’s better fingertips. Um, then your wisdom comes forward in the form of new beliefs, empowering beliefs and values, the things that really matter to you and how you can put your energy into those.

[01:02:15] If that helps. Um, someone asked, how do we look at the space for debt comes up, comes down and not build it up again if we need. And if we need to, for some reason, how do we approach that at an energy level? I think that there are times when that goes higher or lower, there could be things outside of like COVID happening.

[01:02:31] Many people did not plan for COVID. Um, it was hard to put it in your projections for the year, your budget for the year. But if you notice that you’re consistently running your debt up again, you pay it down and bring it back up. There’s probably a hidden reason, some kind of subconscious belief that you deserve to have debt, or you don’t deserve to be out of debt that, or there’s probably a belief hidden there.

[01:02:54] And we don’t have it time to go as deep into that here, as we’d like to. Um, Rick and I have a program on thriving now that, um, that comment I’m putting the link in the shackles ancestry, releasing the ancestral shackles around money and talks about a lot of money beliefs. Um, so you can purchase that or you can join the circle.

[01:03:14] Um, Where I’m typing while I talk. And that doesn’t always work. If you’re a member of the circle program, then you do get that program is part of the circle. You can get that for free with that. So, um, I think it’s important just to be generous cause I that’s core to us and our community. Um, if, if what you need is a two month gift of emotional support or the, the membership that’s available to you too, and the memberships are on the gliding scale, appreciate those that may have financial resource, but emotionally overwhelmed.

[01:03:57] Um, and then some people, it really wouldn’t be right for you to pay and. Right here right now. That’s, that’s what we’ve got available to people. So can I put a lot of energy into the shackles program? It was transformative. It was one of those things that really shifted, um, and made it possible to even talk about these things around, um, money with a much more relaxed attitude.

[01:04:25] Yeah. And if you notice, as you make a shift, if you start feeling uncomfortable, some people do not have a level of tolerance around feeling good. So I’m going to just, I’d love for you to practice that right now. Can you take a deep breath? That’s good for your body and just notice some spot on your body that feels neutral or good.

[01:04:45] And just like some part of you that’s like, Oh yeah. This part of me feels pretty happy right now or, and just one, just be with that for just a breath or to notice the good feeling,

[01:04:59] just be with it. All right. And if you, that your heart is beating a little faster, you’re getting some tension in other parts of your body while you’re feeling good. You may have some tolerance issues around feeling good physically in your body. If you start paying down your debts and you start feeling anxious, that’s something to tap on as well, because you might not have tolerance for that.

[01:05:26] Or he might have a belief that you don’t deserve to have the relief that you’re getting, that, you know, maybe someone modeled or someone said, you’ll never hold on to money. And your subconscious brain is going. Mom said that. So convincingly, I think I need to do this. And she’ll be mad at me if I don’t.

[01:05:43] Our subconscious, our survival brain is not very smart. But it’s very powerful and it always cares. It’s trying to do its best for us, but sometimes it’s doing it based on, on stories that are no longer valid or were never valid and we can tap and clear those. And all of a sudden our survival brain goes, Oh, we do get to hold onto money.

[01:06:04] I don’t have to be stressed about holding into money. That’s great. Okay. Let’s hold on to money. Um, and let that come in and that’s, that’s a really powerful way to go, go forward on that. So if you notice resistance is coming up, we call them. Yeah. But sometimes I can clear this. Yeah. But there’s this other issue and that’s okay.

[01:06:24] It just means we have something else or get it to tap on a little bit. Yeah.

[01:06:32] They’re changing the name of this point to the site of the hand point. Um, even though it’s complicated, even though it’s complicated, what if it could be simpler? What if it could be simpler? Even though, if I try to figure it all out, even though I’ve tried to figure it all out, it just feels complicated.

[01:06:57] Just feels complicated. What matters to me? What matters to me? I want to be clear about what matters to me. I want to be clear about what matters to me.

[01:07:12] I want to be clear about what matters to me. I want to be clear about what matters to me. What, what balances me, balances me? What calms me? What calms me? What confidences me, what confidence me. What’s what’s good for my body and mind. What’s good for my body and mind

[01:07:41] and where there’s an edge. And what is there, there’s an edge where there’s an edge, the hurts that hurts and where there’s resistance and where there’s resistance. Wonder what the wisdom is in that. I wonder what the wisdom is that I know there’s going to be resistant. I know there’s going to be resistance and it’s okay.

[01:08:10] And it’s okay.

[01:08:16] This is another core principle of, of common competent resistance is an very beautifully natural Nang. And that’s where, when we feel the resistance, going back to baby steps, if you’re taking a very small step, that may seem really insignificant in the big picture, like looking at one brick. Reaching down and putting your hand on one brick and feeling what you’re feeling.

[01:08:48] And maybe it’s like, I don’t want to, I don’t want to, I don’t want it. That’s your resistance. And then you say it’s okay. Yeah, of course. I don’t want to. And it’s okay. I can pick up this brick. I can be with us right now. I can take the small step if we think we’re not going to have resistance, that can be traumatizing when we feel resistance, drop in and tune to what’s there, like be tactful with it and then engage with it for a little bit.

[01:09:28] And when you feel done, you start like, okay, I’m done take a step back. And that’s where you can honor. Oh, I did it. I can drop in. I can tune to it. I can engage with it for a bit and it’s okay.

[01:09:56] Okay. And that’s good for me everywhere in my life.

[01:10:06] You could make a really big difference in my life.

[01:10:18] So Rick, we are, we don’t have much time left. I’m wondering, can we do a little bit of tapping on abundance? Because I think for when we’re dealing with that, there can often be this, this heaviness to it, like, Oh, there’s never going to have enough. There’s not enough to pay this back or it’s going to be so hard to pay this back.

[01:10:37] Um, And one of the things I love to do is to actually just take, uh, some money. Um, I have a $5 bill right here, so we look at money. A lot of us have a lot of different emotions that come up. We might feel, Oh, I need to grab it, or I don’t want it or resistant to it. Scary. Um, I’m selfish to have it. There’s all kinds of things that can come up.

[01:11:02] What I like to think about is, and this is a way to simply to easily transfer energy between people. So back hundreds of years ago, before we had had money of any kind, if I wanted to, um, have Lord has cooked dinner for me, I would have to bring her a sheep. And maybe someone had just bought her a sheet the day before and now she’s stuck with two sheeps.

[01:11:24] She, she, she doesn’t know what it’s like, Oh, too many sheets. And she’s got to take care of them. And then, you know, I need change. So she gives me a chicken and I’m like, Oh, I don’t have any chickens. I don’t have a place to put them. And I’ve got a car to back and it’s mad at. It tries to get away. Very messy.

[01:11:39] Lenny is a beautiful way to store energy and make it easy to train. I can put it in my pocket. I can put it in the bank. I can, it’s just, it’s a symbolic way of storing energy and just like anything else, that’s symbolic. There are people that use it in evil ways. There are people that are manipulative and cruel and unethical around it.

[01:12:00] But I imagine if you’re attracted to Rick cry, you’re not one of those people. You are someone who’s ethical. You’re willing to exchange loving energy to other people. You want it to be consensual. So this becomes a vehicle for beautiful, loving energy. And literally they print it. There is plenty of this.

[01:12:21] Admittedly, some people have less access to it than others, but there is enough out there. And when we stop. Weighing ourselves down with so much shame and all the beliefs that are in the way we often find new ways, just like my cat realizing, Oh, if I just moved it like a half a foot to the right, there’s a beautiful cat door.

[01:12:41] Often when we, we can lift off some of the shame and just say, I’m willing to exchange beautiful dollars or money that’s filled with love and compassion and generosity consent with other people. For what I want. I love that the electricity is turned on in my house. I do know how to generate electricity.

[01:13:01] I don’t want to have to, um, this house, I didn’t melt. There’s a lot of things that I get in exchange for other labor. So if we can just think of this as just being filled with generous, loving energy, and then we’ve done something to have someone give it to us for that, and we can use it to exchange with other people.

[01:13:20] Um, and there really can be enough. When we take that kind of constriction off of ourselves, often we find new ways to bring it in. And I know there’s a lot of, a lot of us have been taught it’s selfish. My mother would often we’d drive down the street. We were very poor growing up and she was often very jealous, I think, or felt very ashamed.

[01:13:43] And she would say, Oh, they have too much. Like she would kind of put them down. So I grew up thinking, Oh, if I have too much, people are going to pick on me. People are going to not love me, whatever you heard or whatever you had modeled. You’re probably carrying some of that in your survival brain. And if we can just release that and say, wow, some people are really good at finding the cat door.

[01:14:04] Some people are really good at inviting loving energy and, and no one taught me how, but now I am learning how. A little bit at a time and I can welcome it and appreciate it. It often just a little bit of a shift will give a very big change in how we experience ourselves around money and how much flows into us.

[01:14:28] Just invite you to try that on when you’re, when I pay people money, I try to imagine I’m handing them this generous, like energy, this loving, compassionate energy. And when they give me money, I try to receive it the same way. And I have, in other days I have less energy than others, but generally I have a lot of compassionate, loving energy for people.

[01:14:49] It doesn’t feel that it’s limited to only a little bit each day. So if I imagine that when I pay my debts off, I try to imagine it sending it to my younger self saying here, I’m so glad I could help take care of you when I pay a debt. When I send it to me, when I put it in my retirement fund, I imagine sending it to my future self and stay.

[01:15:09] And I hope you have a lovely steak dinner over this or whatever you want to have. Like, I I’m taking care of here. I’m sending this to you with love. And when we start holding it a little different, I think rather than all, I’ve got to pay this credit card, it’s like, wow, what if I’m sending this loving energy back to myself to a time when I really needed that help, she kind of that, that younger self, she kind of left a mess for me, but you know, I’m cleaning it up.

[01:15:35] I’m learning how to do it. And I have a little bit of resource that I can send back to that younger herself. She really needed it back then. She was in a bad spot and just right. Yeah. I love that analogy for myself and invite you to try it on as you go through this. Thank you.

[01:16:00] So

[01:16:04] there was a comment in the chat. I don’t know how to fix this. And it’s related to someone else, whether it’s related to someone else or yourself, I’m going to as an emotional freedom coach. This is, this is my passion, my profession, what I show up for every day when it comes to beliefs and these energies, it’s not about fixing.

[01:16:36] I would love if the notion of fixing other people’s beliefs would pass away that it would be treated as our care.

[01:16:52] We evolve. We upgrade, we consciously look at things that are not working for us. And we try on adaptations when some of those are more beneficial to us, physically, emotionally, and financially than others.

[01:17:17] But to me, as someone who has a lot of engineer fix it kind of energy. If I think about fixing something, there’s just a very small part of me that gets engaged. And this is not engaged if I’m thinking about fixing it. And I believe that when we take something that looks on the surface of it like that, what Kathy just took us on and I want to amplify it.

[01:17:50] When I pay my credit card bill, I am gifting back in time to a version of Rick, just like you would be gifting back in time to a version of you or your family member at a time when resources were, were needed, wanted, and we can have all kinds of judgements about it. But if we drop out of judgment about that and tune to this is tending to my past self.

[01:18:21] It is also tending to my future self because I’m freeing up energy. Imagine that that’s where you are today. Even if it’s only a small bit that you can do, even just being calmer with the situation when activating wisdom around the energy of money. Clearing out the shame clearing out some beliefs, you know, if you’ve ever had a closet that you just cleared out and all of a sudden there’s nothing in it, or just the few things that you really want in that closet.

[01:18:55] You know, the freedom that comes from having that kind of spaciousness that in our culture is viewed as an obligation, but I don’t know of any company providing a service, including zoom. Thank you, zoom, or going into debt in order to provide this service borrowing gazillions of dollars from people willing to loan it to you.

[01:19:24] And look where we are. I get to be with people around the world because of that. And on an individual level, you know, some, I would not be a coach if it wasn’t for the debt, but I carry that had been a part of the ebbs and flows of this. I couldn’t be as generous really. I couldn’t, if I didn’t have some resourcefulness that allows me to ebb and flow with where my community is.

[01:19:51] And when we tune into that, I do believe that we cultivate together more of a sense of, okay, this is part of our ecosystem and that really, I want to evolve it for me personally, and for us, and a sense of confidence that it’s people like us and the wisdom that you get from being with this talent of debt.

[01:20:15] I believe that our, we will be the ancestor. It’s jurors that are going to evolve this whole financial system. We’re not going to do it by hiding from that. There’ll be a mix of emotions from despair to rage and everything in between. We’re going to look at beliefs that we’ve inherited even just one generation ago.

[01:20:34] That’s left generations of belief around this, and we’re going to craft some new values. I would love to hear your wisdom as you evolve in this. I happy to hear your distresses too. And to tap with you. Um, we have a community center. It is free to participate. They’re thriving now, not center. So there please sign up.

[01:21:01] If it’s a yes for you, you can use a pseudonym by the way, you do need a real email address, but you can use whatever pseudonym that you want as long as it’s safe for work. And, um, and you can participate there. And we also have the circle while this has turned out to be a time where Kathy and I have been doing the tapping back and forth and using, and responding to your chat messages to help us in the circle calls.

[01:21:32] It’s more open and that we work one-on-one with volunteers, um, who want to tap on this and we all tap together. So that’s thriving now.com/circle. Um, I want to see more of people have these real skills. I believe that if each of us become a bit more calm and a bit more confident that it will change and ripple out to everyone, we touch intimately and superficially out in the world and that one of the real skills.

[01:22:05] So those are out there on the center as well. And we’re going to be continuing to do these, as we said, our next session will be around. Or body like, huh? What do I do if I don’t even like, like my body, how can I feel calm and competent? And if I don’t even like my body, um, yeah, that’ll be announced and you’ll be welcomed to attend.

[01:22:28] And at the same, um, invitations and that’s Rick, I think that’s when you were talking about that, I think that’s how we fix things by changing within ourselves in a loving, holistic way. Other people role model and their mirror neurons actually can subconsciously pick up the way we act and what we were different and the people that are ready for it.

[01:22:48] We’ll jump on board. So we create ripples that go through the world when we start working on ourselves. And I love the idea. If you can too. Look at your debt with a little less shame, you’ve got a little bit less shame and a little bit more ease and a little bit you imagine if that works, the analogy of sending loving energy back to your, your younger self at a time when your distress works great.

[01:23:11] If not throw it away and figure out what works for you. But if, when we start doing that and that way we’re not throwing ourselves against the glass anymore, we’re like, Oh, there’s a cat door. Do I want to go out? How do I want to go out of that? How often do I want to do this? Taking baby steps, rewriting your patterns, and that can create so much abundance for you.

[01:23:31] And I want that for you, and I both want that for you. So thank you for your courage today. Thank you. Thank you all next time. Yeah. Thank you.

We covered:

  • Scary to be here, to face this debt
  • Open to the possibility of another future
  • Pushing through fast (getting ramped up and anxious) doesn’t work…
  • Slow steps… breathe… be with… tap…
  • Shame, blame, and guilt add tremendous noise. Tapping can help tremendously with these feelings.
  • And more!
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Thank you for this workshop. I missed the beginning of it but tuned in to the second half. A few things I took from it about myself so far…I learned to push away and block out my wants and needs when I was young to avoid causing my parents stress, shame, guilt (and avoid them projecting those things on me) because they didn’t have money to spend on what I wanted or sometimes needed. Also, I automatically attached shame to my law school debt because of my underlying belief that all debt is some type of failure or personal shortcoming, but I realize that I made a powerful decision to undertake this career and I am proud of what I am doing with the degree…and I am making amazing progress in paying it off in spite of some crazy challenges along the way. I forgive myself for holding myself to unreasonable standards, I appreciate myself for noticing these things, and I am open to learning how to get back in touch with my needs and wants again.

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thanks so much Rick and Cathy, you floodlight this topic deeply, the sharing of your story helps, its like a missing vitamin,

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Thanks Rick and Cathy for the great workshop. I had many different responses to the various tapping themes that were raised.

I’ve never been in more debt than I am currently and it’s sometimes worrisome as I have no significant income to pay it down. I’m on a disability income. The vast majority of the debt was incurred trying to get myself healthy, both physically and emotionally, in the last few years. I feel some of it (a lot of it??) was spent in a sort of desperate attempt for magical types of healing, meaning that I would not need to take any responsibility in my healing other than paying someone to make me well and I feel some level of embarrassment and stupidity about that which is symbolized by the debt.

On a day to day basis I’m not consciously aware of being overwhelmed by the debt and I find that interesting. One of my conclusions about that is that I’m in a very sort of primitive brain avoidance (flight) pattern in regards to the debt. Freeze is usually my go-to response when stressed in certain ways and I can see and feel lots of that response as well.

I was in a very non-participatory mood during the live workshop so I will likely review the video and do some tapping.

Many thanks for your passionate and sincere work!!

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Imagine a calm and confident parent who can be with the unmet yearnings of their children around the things money can buy and offer even more of the things money cannot buy! Love, acceptance, respect for their unmet desires (and sometimes unmet needs).

I so wish my Mom could have said to me:

Son, I love that you have so many desires, and I know that in your life those desires can lead you to adding to other people’s lives in ways that give you sufficient abundance to meet those desires.

And yes, it is tender to me to know you have needs, too, like for clothes that fit your growing body better and fit with your classmates styles. Maybe together we can figure out some ways to meet those needs, and right now, our family finances don’t have sufficient money to do that.

But hey, I think we’re just now, together, fashioning the language that flows from deeper calm and more solid confidence. Thank you for your reflections, and more @Dru.

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I have a theory that money, too… the energy of it at least… can get “frozen” by something like what you describe making it hard to even consider paying off.

I had a debt that arose from how to get an “amicable” divorce, virtually all the family resources stayed with my ex- and the kids. I was really congruent with that.

BUT… I had bought some furniture for my new apartment back then since I had left with very little (clothes, a really nice extensible spoon I still have). Bed, dresser, table, couch. I had expected that at least those expenses would be “covered” during the equitable split of the property. My ex-wife vehemently disagreed.

The “unmet expectation” (since you and I have been exploring the impact of those) seemed to lock in that debt for years. When Cathy and I did our financial coaching and tapping program about releasing financial shackles, that debt (still around many years later) rose up for tapping.

Whew! Within a year that was paid off.

Sometimes the “overwhelm” so to speak isn’t that flood and anxiety-ridden feeling. It’s something that shows up like avoidance, or refusal.

Thanks for bringing those aspects up, @Glenn!

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You’ve described a very prevalent dynamic throughout my life. The behavioural formula is ‘circumstances + overwhelm = avoidance’. I’m a world class avoider of things that I experience as overwhelming. I’ve been loosely playing with the thought you brought up in another piece you wrote with the subtitle “You can do hard things.”. I can do hard things. It’s in my history. It’s definitely in the history of my ancestors…of all our ancestors. Doing easy things (or things easily) is just far more attractive…and avoidance, at least superficially, is pretty easy. For me at least…others seem wired to avoid avoidance. Paying down debt (without winning a lottery) takes determination, consistency, dedication, motivation, planning. These are not attractive words/ideas to me as I’m currently wired,

I sense it’s mammalian primitive brain processing. It’s in the primitive blueprint. As mammals we are driven to nourish ourselves (physically/emotionally) by expending the least amount of calories/effort and putting ourselves in the least amount of perceived danger. And perception is the key word here (I think it’s probably the key word in every emotional transaction). I perceive/feel a tremendous amount of danger and effort symbolized by those words…determination, consistency, dedication, motivation, planning. Run! It’s a trap!!

Our primitive processes are always cooking in the background but they only have two ingredients at their disposal… danger and safety. It’s not much of a buffet…not a lot of subtle flavours and smells…just enough nutrition to keep us alive…enough calories to fuel fighting and/or fleeing. But the place right next door, the Thriving Now Café, has an abundance of nutritional choices…tastes and flavours uncountable…the number of delicious dishes set out for our consumption is only limited by our imagination. It’s vitally important, of course, to have the survival menu operational and that kitchen fully staffed but we don’t have to eat every meal and snack there. (not sure how I wound up with this extended food metaphor but I’m hungry now…bon appetite!

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Most humans if they look at their life history can identify that they have a predominant trauma/threat response. Avoidance is another descriptive for the Flight response. The person who pushes through even if it nearly kills them is choosing Fight. And Freeze… yeah, acquiescence, allowing something(s) to happen without resistance – fight or flight. If that works early, it is likely to stay predominant.

It’s why I feel that when we’re stuck operating from primitive brain, we’ve got a limited menu. We need to calm ourselves enough to drop out of primitive brain in control, and confidence ourselves enough that that feels “sufficiently safe.”

Yes, people avoid/run from their debt – until they can’t anymore. Some fight it like it is a dragon and end up burned from the fighting.

Actually, if someone is calm and confident, it takes some changes to our systems. A system change is much more effective and long-lived than something that requires daily/monthly determination, etc.

(Example system changes would be a weekly withdraw - small enough to be allowable - that might go into an investment fund that would be used to pay off a debt at some future time.) We can rarely come up with a system if we’re anxious and afraid, avoidant or ashamed.

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Thanks Rick…lot’s of useful, practical things in what you’ve said.

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I really love both yours and Rick’s metaphors!

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