My New Axe! But I don't feel proud of it! :(

Yesterday, I just bought my new guitar and well, without really letting my mum know about it. It was a considerable investment for me and I’d say I’m pretty happy with my purchase! I’ve had some bad guitars and made bad purchases but I suppose that helps to find out what I’m looking out for for my future guitars! Sadly, I don’t feel proud of what I bought, and am instead fearful that my family members would start nagging at me for being so greedy in buying more and more guitars. Still a lot of inner work for me to do around this issue. Regardless, I am still happy that I have a new toy to play with! :smiley:


Awesome! The energy of it even in the photo is really potent! Congratulations!

“I don’t feel proud of it.”

I know, it would make a terrible Ax, chopping down trees. It would make a terrible (although it would work!) paddle for a canoe. And you probably even need to protect it, right? Like not just toss it on the floor…

The things that are dear to us – including our own sense of Rightness – need to be protected.

You KNOW that those close to you people you mention do not understand that you are an artist, and the tools you use for that MATTER. You know them well enough that you know they will “wet” all over it if you give them a chance.

And just like when you take your new axe out in the rain, you will likely have it protected. Psychologically, we need to also protect.

Feel proud of it.
Know that SOME others will not understand. Because, well, they are not your kind of artist!!

I love it. I celebrate its craftworthiness. Some others will too. Some won’t. You can tell a lot about a person by how they react to what matters deeply to another person. Some people are naturally harsh-Judgers. I’m sorry you have that in your world – most of us do to some extent. As you get clearer, and more healthy protective (like a carrying case), they will I believe impact you even less.

You’re already strong enough to both get it… and share with us!!

Woohoo :heavy_heart_exclamation:


Thanks so much Rick. This might just be the thing that I really need. I’m always feel so unworthy of my craft and not able to feel truly passionate, joyful of what I do because I feel that the people around me don’t explicitly say that “that’s good “ or “woah, keep it up man!”. And I’d pick up all the wrong assumptions that nobody really cares and id just make music for me and me only, since the world doesn’t understand. I did remember you mentioning something like “think about the people around the world that’ll appreciate the same music that you would”, and that was helpful! But I find it hard to connect to that energy since it felt really distant.

And yes, I treasure all my axes that I clean them in due time, make sure they play smoothly on my hands, and nobody screws with it in my house.

And yes! The tools do MATTER as you say, and it matters a lot as to what goes when I play those strings. Feel, touch, sound and everything in between. I’m happy that you’d understand Rick! And am also happy that you take so much dedication to respond to my post. It means a lot to have my voice heard when many of times, I feel that there isn’t an outlet to do so…!

Cheers Rick! Hope you and the baby are well :slight_smile:


The people who understand vibration and energy, who understand that each “thing” has it’s own energetic essence… well, they hear me talk about one of my guitars and Get It. They understand it is a relationship for me. Each of my two have names, even. And they are very different essences.

I was speaking to a client today, and I personally found it helpful to understand that for any act of heartistry or art or choice someone makes… there will be at LEAST 1 out of 1000 people who would insist it was stupid, a waste, or worthless.

Of course, they probably don’t feel the same about their own choices.

And yes, it is really HARD HARD HARD when the “1 in 1000” live under the same roof. Been there. HARD.

That’s where the protection does come in. See, I’ve not heard you play. I have no idea whether how you string notes together in melody, harmony, and rhythm would speak to my bones or not.

What I can say is that how your desire for your art, your courage, your exploration, and yeah, how the choice of this new instrument for your creativity feel to my bones is… REALLY nice. How you are playing your life, even amidst the noise of others, means a lot to me. I can fortunately tune out the sound of shrieking buses (mothers?) and hear what you’re playing… in life.

I find encouragement that no matter my music, including the non-sense music I am creating with my mouth for my baby girl… there are those who delight that I am doing it (even if they wouldn’t want to listen) and those who would love to hear it, and even some who wished someone would make up a poopy song for them, too!

Emotional Freedom is structurally about choice, supporting choice, and I feel co-creating We-Spaces that support the diversity of choice we free humans are drawn to have.

Love to you! And thanks for being here with Us!! :yin_yang:


That really resonates with me, especially in environments where there is intense judgment and energetic conflict.


Thanks Rick! It warms my heart to hear those encouraging words, especially when I don’t receive much of that in my day to day living. And yes, for sure. I think I also struggle with the fact that heavy metal music is usually thought of as “noise”, evil music or something seen as very negative to the people in general… but what I could see is the beauty in the expression of those powerful emotions in those heavy music. To speak to my soul what many can’t tolerate to hear. Likewise, for many other music genres like traditional blues…

I think I sometimes tend to just think that sharing all of these struggles wouldn’t matter since in the end, I still have to face those inner demons myself, or walk the rough road on my own. But I do now try to see how getting clarity from you guys is actually so important to making that journey a lot less painful, a lot more resourceful, and a lot more supported.

And yes Glenn, it’s an LTD! :metal:t2::sunglasses: Time to bring more shreds in the house haha! Yeah, it does look like tiger stripes now that you’ve mentioned it! Indeed, it’s a struggle For sure! And good perspective on ferocity and tenderness. I think I’ve been so traumatized by my mum that tenderness is an absolute for me :sob: being ferocious would make me feel bad about myself because of all the past experiences that told me that being that would mean trouble from my mum​:cold_sweat:.


I sense that tenderness about you and it’s totally understandable my friend and I think it’s wise to understand the current nature of your relationship with your mom. There is perhaps a way to be ‘ferocious’ on the inside but to speak and act tenderly and have both be authentic? And maybe ferocious is too strong a word? And maybe there are places outside of the home for you to practice some ferocity. For me martial arts gave me permission to feel into those places in a safe space. I also tap into and let out some ferociousness when playing on stage at times when it seemed I was being a bit too passive and withdrawn and not really saying anything with my playing. GRRRRRRRR!! LOL. I think you are a very smart and wise young man Jun Rong…shred on dude! :slight_smile:


Glenn, great point! Now that you say that, I think my avenue for expressing ferocity has been through heavy metal music. I feel like I’m more able to channel many of my supressed emotions like rage, disappointment, sadness with the chaos of the world though those powerful lyrics and djent!


If “suppressed emotions” are “suppressed ENERGY” then an avenue that releases energy that doesn’t harm others is a beautiful and healthy channel, especially if it add creative expression to the world!

Woohoo! Rock on!


That’s awesome…we need some safe space to let those emotions be expressed. I’m happy you have a way to do that Jun Rong. :slight_smile:


Let me explain something about guitar playing. Everyone’s got their own character, and that’s the thing that’s amazed me about guitar playing since the day I first picked it up. Everyone’s approach to what can come out of six strings is different from another person, but it’s all valid. – Jimmy Page

“You don’t find a style. A style finds you” – Keith Richards

“What’s good or bad doesn’t matter to me; what does matter is feeling and not feeling. If only people would take more of a true view and think in terms of feelings. Your name doesn’t mean a damn, it’s your talents and feelings that matter. You’ve got to know much more than just the technicalities of notes; you’ve got to know what goes between the notes.” – Jimi Hendrix

Music has become really important now. It’s helped me to open up more and take a chance on loving people. Music is a good reason to care. It’s just a vehicle though. It’s a way to try and give somebody something that you feel. If trying the best I can isn’t good enough, I’ll just have to try harder next time…it’s all I can do. If I do the best I can, then at least I did the best I could in this life The way I like to look at it is… if that’s the last time I ever got to play, I’d better give it everything I’ve got. ” – Stevie Ray Vaughan


As I sit here reading you wonderful males discussing feelings, emotions and tenderness brings tears. My life has been so lacking in males who understand feelings and are willing to look at their own.

Thank you for being beautiful male caring, vulnerable souls. I’m starving for more.


While reading, just when I was thinking, it is actually allowed to be vulnerable, I reached -

I think I sometimes tend to just think that sharing all of these struggles wouldn’t matter since in the end, I still have to face those inner demons myself, or walk the rough road on my own. But I do now try to see how getting clarity from you guys is actually so important to making that journey a lot less painful, a lot more resourceful, and a lot more supported

  • this part.

What more is left to say!

Congratulations cjrdeluxe198 for your New Guitar.

Like Phoenix we rise again from our own ashes and being part of circle here may reduce further the times we burn into ashes and gain stability withing self.


Yeah, I was taught that, too.

So not true.

Such an emotional trap.

I believe we are DESIGNED for reassurance and co-creation and mutual soothing and co-regulation and more. To “go it alone because we have to” honestly activates one of our most terrifying primal fears:

Being ostracized… then cast out.

Ouch. Sharing in safe and respectful we-spaces changes utterly the parts of our brain that are coping with and growing from our experiences.

At least that has been my experience and what I share with clients!


Thanks Glenn and Rick! Sadly not a lot of people understand the power of heavy metal and simply generalize them to be that of the devil’s music or a form of negative influence… :frowning: but well, as you said Rick, there are bound to be people that don’t understand… and that’s hard to see through.

And Rick, thanks for the quotes! Those are certainly helpful, and especially coming from guitar legends that I look up to dearly, especially Stevie Ray Vaughan And Jimi! :metal:t2:

And thanks Jean! Helps to know that, I guess, a lot more people struggle with these kinds of things, more often than we think they do… makes me feel a little less lonely in this struggle :’)

And thanks Tanvi :slight_smile: I hope the same for you too!


Me too, Angelsloveyou. I’ve spent a lifetime living with someone who gets upset when I buy more art supplies and can’t stand anything touchy feely, religious, or new agey, going so far as to talk over something I’m tryong to listen to. I ignore it all as much as possible and hide behind earphones and using my phone as much as possible. But such a situation cannot help but feel lonely when you cannot share or discuss with a significant other.


I would like you to explain Heavy Metal to me if it is possible @Jun_Rong . I am curious because all I hear is noise. I told someone recently, this must be how our parents felt about rock and roll. So is Heavy Metal for letting out rage and anger? Is that how your generation feels? I would really like to understand it so maybe I could listen to it a little and find some understanding. Thank you if you choose to explain.

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@Angelsloveyou yeah suree! I’d love that you’re curious to know why! Cause people are just usually turned off immediately and don’t even want to hear “why” I like it… But how I see it, is that it is a powerful form of musical expression. Many heavy metal lyrics use all of extreme lyrics, and often talks about struggles, mental challenges, death and the chaos that life brings. I find that most of these struggles are not typically heard in today’s pop music culture. So that’s one thing that really resonates for me, for someone that has dealt with depression, and lots of anxiety. It brings the horrors and pains of life that are often brushed off by others as “your own problems, deal with it yourself” whilst these heavy metal music just shoves it in your face, and says “I’m fucked up, and I’m not gonna lie that it really sucks”.

And second, is the aggression and ferocity as Glenn properly has put it, that helps me channel some of the energy that is stored in me into the aggression of the music as well… it doesn’t make me an “angrier” person I feel (as most would probably associate with for heavy metal lovers) but it might just have made me a more calmer(?) person since might have just vent out some of my frustrations of life just by channeling in and zoning into the music that which drives me even more forward and gives me an inexplicable push to keep going on…

As compared to those soft-hearted pop music that sometimes paints too much of an idealistic version of the world that is just too unrealistic, unrelatable and just whims and fancies…(though Not gna lie, I still listen to pop music at times haha!)


@Jun_Rong, THANK YOU!! Your explanation is so clear so now I’m curious to read some of the lyrics. I cannot hear what they are singing under the loud music but I have problems with that in documentaries too. Are there any that you like the most? That is so interesting about soft-hearted music painting so much of an idealistic version of the world. So true. This is way way before your time but I always liked Doris Day. Her songs were what kind of life we wished we could live. Yes so unrealistic. How interesting to compare the two.

Again thank you for taking the time to help me understand Heavy Metal.



I understand completely what you are saying Jun Rong. I’m mostly a Blues player and the experience of playing Blues or listening to Blues is not one of sadness and sorrow that the lyrics typically speak about. People turn to the Blues to feel uplifted by sharing and acknowledging with others the hardships of life…that sometimes things just SUCK regardless of all our best efforts. It’s a kind of musical/emotional ‘we space’ that can heal. Music resonates our bodies and minds in very healing, life affirming ways…it goes deep…it’s a form of real magic in my experience…a sort of musical tapping circle… :slight_smile: