P.S. I forgot to mention - you had asked about the artwork - that girl laying on the couch reading with cats around her - not mine, but done by a Japanese artist named Naoko Stoop. I couldn’t find a website but she has alot of fun art on Facebook and Instagram:
FB - Facebook
Instagram - Instagram
So sorry to hear you are unwell. I cannot even imagine that temperature of cold!
It’s always a balance isn’t it of the feelings of misery and the gratitude for rest from life- we want the rest but not the illness and sometimes misery feels so familiar and so much our own that we don’t want to give it up. It’s so recognised and strong and comforting sometimes.
Glad Gus has been helping you with it and with what can come that supports you more. Your divine support angels sound really cool and fun. I love that line ‘fuck off to the salad’ from the top of the stairs. Feels like my teenager would LOVE to be able to say stuff like that for real…. Often 
I hope you do recover fully very soon and in a timeframe that truly works for you!
I hear you on the ramping up the self kindness. That is exactly a part of what came up for me when contemplating the qualities and energies I have been building up last year and want to bring into and build up more this year. Moving forward with things for me that I hadn’t been doing last year yet are high on my list… like actually hiking more and sometimes with others. Deliberate exposure to new and beautiful nature and like minded people.
Funny the change because I have been a MEGA recluse for years now and usually soooooo opposed to engaging in group settings and risking involvement with others I don’t know when the ones I know can be hard enough already!!
So I realised after Christmas why it is so hard for me even though there is much I love about it and I usually enjoy the eve and the day……. It’s because of a lifetime of experiencing the Christmas fallout where key people in my life- mother and sister mainly- get angry and withdraw respectively. I had a lovely day and then the following day wanted to connect via phone with them and was ‘‘attacked’ by my mum and now I haven’t spoken to her since then and do not know how to proceed with her at this time and my sister is just really distant to me. As a kid there was often a lot of anger and pain and family conflict and depression and yelling and crying and disconnection/severing of family relationships for years or longer.
So….. what to do?? I can ask Gus and I will see what comes up. I really have no idea consciously myself. But I did handle things afterward much different for myself and was kind to myself and my daughter and continued on with my life and my plans and have had a a great time with friends as I mentioned. Those things all happened easily but one can’t really just avoid these things forever….. or their parent who they do love and dont necessarily want to cut off for good. So. That’s my hard thing at the moment.
So… good thing is focusing on slightly increasing the self kindness like you’ve described and seeing how it feels at that level!
thank you for the name Of the artist. I’ll check her out.
Those are some photos from my hike and one from My camping trip to share with you.
Here is one for you. She looks cozy and loved.
Love this cozy pic with the cat & dog (and books & hot chocolate). Thanks Nicole.
And the pictures from your hike and camping trip are beautiful! Thank you for sharing.
I think it’s great how you started off your New Year risking involvement with new friends and hiking even though in the past you’ve been mega reclusive. That is cool and I’m glad it turned out so well.
Sorry to hear about your mom attacking your on the phone, and how your sister is being really distant. But good that you handled things differently this time with self-kindness and continuing on with your own life plans. I have had my share of relationship challenges with my mom and older sister, too & have done alot of tapping on it. I hope you find some good creative solutions and support with Gus or Rick or whatever feels right to you. Sending some good thoughts & healing vibes your way.
This damn cold lingers on and is hard to get rid of. I keep waking up having “cough attacks” in the night, so feeling pretty weary & dreary dragging myself to work and wish I could just stay in bed and hibernate through the rest of January. But I started this free collage course by Catherine Rains and it’s lifting my spirits some just to play with shapes and colors and watching the lesson video’s. ( Catherine Rains * Intuitive Artist | Create * Inspire * Awaken. I’ve been surprised that such simple creative play can stir up some brightness in my heart - like my inner child is just so delighted in ways I didn’t expect.
Well, I think I’ll go play with the collage abit more, and then “blob” my way into work later this afternoon. Wishing you many more fun adventures with new friends and loads of self-kindness in 2026.
Hugs: Jewel
P.S. How to avoid burn-out at work (joke):
Love that it’s really quite sage and true advice. Even if not possible…. Yet.
How are your coughing attacks Jewel and your connection with collage and colour and freedom? I hope you are finding moments where your connection with kindness to self is strongly present.
I have recently been pulled out of myself into childhood pains and patterns in relationships. I feel like I haven’t grown up past my teenage years. I feel a bit stuck and it is hard to know how to move forward without just cutting people out of my life who I feel stuck in those ages and patterns with. And I don’t really know whether I should and that is hard.
I started off this year being able to focus on myself and my life and my joy and my hopes. And when things started going pear shaped I was still able to do so because of the holiday summer freedom energy. But when I am back in life. In reality. It is much harder to try to keep going alone. And to hold space for my fears and not let them determine my words and actions.
Needing some self kindness today. Some genuine acceptance that I feel like a child and make a lot of mistakes in parenting a child/teen when I’m afraid of the consequences of her or my inability to fit in or communicate with others the way they like to.
If possible. I would like to be able to process this guilt and shame and inner torment and not hurt myself or her today or spiral down further. But how? Is it possible to do ‘FOR REAL.’ I don’t know.
This is where I often fuck up. Where I’ve done something that I don’t feel okay with…. And then make it all worse.
A new pattern would be nice. Going for ‘nice’.
Hi Nicole,
I’ve been thinking of you and wanting to write back sooner, but the damn cold lingers on - still having night coughing attacks, but I’m slowly on the mend. Just way too slow for my liking. Grateful to have this weekend off work with time to rest and rejuvenate (right now I’m house-sitting at my sister’s place).
The issues you are struggling with sound really painful. Sending good thoughts & energy that you’ll be able to tap into self-compassion and escape the downward spiral of inner torment.
I can relate to feeling like you haven’t grown up past your teenage years. I often feel like it’s my inner teenager who is responding to life challenges, and wonder where in the hell my adult self, or inner wise self went to - and who exactly is driving the bus on any given day. Working with IFS (internal family systems) is helping me to see some of these patterns better and with more self-compassion (and Self leadership).
I found myself thinking of Kristin Neff and some of her meditations that might be helpful:
Self-Compassion for a mistake or perceived inadequacy: Self-Compassion/Loving-Kindness Meditation - Self-Compassion
Meet an inner compassionate friend - Compassionate Friend - Self-Compassion
And back when I used to go to Al-Anon 12 Step meetings they offered some good advice about “making amends” after making mistakes in relationships - ways to take responsibility and repair when we hurt others inadvertently. There’s abit of an article about it here:
Making Amends with Kids - 7 Steps To Make Amends With Kids - Parenting & Family - “The point of making amends isn’t to erase mistakes—it’s to strengthen bonds. Children don’t need flawless parents; they need authentic ones. When you prioritize connection, mistakes become opportunities for growth rather than walls of silence.”
I’m not actually a parent, so it might be better to talk to someone who is raising children/teens, but I certainly know what it’s like to make a mistake and then be terribly mean to myself afterwards and have a hard time forgiving myself. Rick & Cathy did a Real Skills Workshop on “Grace in Mistakes” (and embracing humanness) -
Grace in Mistakes - Real Skills Workshops - Thriving Now - Community Center
That one might be a good place to start.
As for whether or not to cut certain people out of your life, that’s a hard one, and would take some time & discernment to sort out. I took a break from my relationship with my older sister for awhile when things just felt too toxic for me, but we are friends again now and relating again. Maybe you can learn to set better boundaries and take breaks with people before totally cutting them out of your life. But it’s a really personal thing. Sending good thoughts & prayers that you’ll find the best path for you.
One good thing in my life right now - I was doing some more tapping with Gus and noticing again that part of me that tends to feel sorry for herself and slip into a kind of negative resistance & stinking thinking rut, and the idea came to mind to allow her to go to a special “woe is me” healing room and spend the day with the “moaning and groaning” angels 
- where she can indulge her negativity and misery and just drag around feeling weary and low. It’s like she is there “enjoying her misery” in this special self-pity / woe is me room.
But another part of me is seeking uplift and empowerment - and in my imagination I see her going to another room called the “Joyful Creative Empowerment” room - and it’s like she is at a weekend workshop with other people - and we are all there listening to a speaker talk about strengthening our sage muscles and becoming the author of our own stories, and then we have breakout groups to discuss what we are learning and practice the empowerment skills together.
So both parts can get what they need. It brings a smile to my face thinking about it.
And this morning Gus helped me to come up with these little creative empowerment steps:
(1) Today I choose - to watch abit more of that fun & creative “Collage Breakthrough” workshop,
(2) Today I choose - to do abit of gentle yoga / move my body in restorative ways,
(3) Today I choose - to listen to abit of that “Joy Reset” audiobook by MaryCatherine McDonald.
So I’m feeling good about taking care of both of these parts without self-judgement.
One hard thing - Still so low energy and longing for more aliveness and vigor. But hopefully doing the gentle yoga later today will shift some of this sluggishness abit.
Well, gotta go. Talk to you later. Sending hugs & love & warmth.
Love the way you are engaging with the parts of you with such self-kindness and co-creativity, Jewel. Thanks for sharing that here with Us. ~Rick
I love both of these pictures. The second one feels expansive and engaged with the world around and the first feels cozy and inner connected and I feel drawn to swim there.
I appreciate your care Jewel and the effort to put in those resources and links.
For me on the day I last wrote to you I was definitely feeling a lot and was unsure of my ability to make a pattern shift given my lack of success of doing so in the past. Sharing it here and connecting with that feeling WHILE sharing and the wanting it to be REAL seemed to really help in and of itself. My memory is so poor these days but I do remember that I gave myself more genuine permission to be kind to myself and do things in alignment with that as best I could and that the day ended up going well overall without further fuck ups by me- or extending the fuck up anyway.
I hear you on the reminder about repair being key and the benefits of that. But I am also aware that regular repairs can too become meaningless to a child when they are needed too often or are repeated for the same transgressions. At least that’s how it feels for me having been a receiver of them but also about myself making the same mistakes and repairs over again.
Anyway. Just sharing how it feels at this moment.
Today. I can hold space for the good things that I’m doing too because I am actually feeling like I am doing some good things in my parenting too- by default of doing some things specifically because I want to. Interesting isn’t it. Makes total sense. I just haven’t been able to do it before.
I’m eternally grateful for the shifts I’ve had since end of last year that have led to be able to do more for me. There’s my Good thing 
Not so good…..my ability to care for my physical body well has been extra poor since being sick. My physical body is not feeling good at all. And some of that i am responsible for. Thinking of chatting to Gus about this one. I have been noticing it for a while that this is bigger than I have really noticed but am noticing it now.
Lots of noticing!
Jewel I truly hope the weekend has brought some more relief and healing to you. It absolutely sux being sick. And I love hearing about your parts work and how you let them imagine and choose different actions and words and rooms and all. It’s really helpful.
For me yesterday, what I found helpful was: while I was walking along the coast in the evening by myself and there were lots of people around and my mind /a part of myself started to think about the fact that I was alone and that really I was purposeless and what is the point of doing things like this and feeling like it’s just a false feeling of enjoyment that I am TRYING to have, you know the, ‘oh I went for a walk on the coast and it was just so lovely’ but really, it doesn’t feel like that and I don’t really know why and the part was like I may as well go home and just be by myself there and watch a movie and what am I doing here when I’m not feeling connected or enjoying it and just doing it because I THINK it’s a nice thing to do or that I SHOULD do it because I’m here and it takes a long time to get to the coast from my place and once I’m home I won’t be back easily. Blah blah.
And THEN, magically maybe? I’m not sure. I was able to imagine being there with my Dad - who loves coast walking and we used to do it a lot when I was younger after my parents separated, it was how we spent time together- and I also wondered what Rick would think of being there with all the people and the psycho big waves- would he like it or not so much? And something shifted for my part. There was an uplift and some excited energy and I thought about the other part of myself that loves adventure and ‘seeing what’s around the corner’ so I kept walking for myself to see what was around the corner- I hadn’t been there before. And then I walked for a lot longer and saw a beautiful stretch of cliffs and big waves crashing on gorgeous rocks and then went home more in peace with myself and connected again to myself and my own life.
Thank you for being there Jewel and for sharing yourself and your journey with me and here.
I’m enjoying seeing yours and Norene’s collages and I’m glad it’s bringing you all the good feels.
Did the yoga help? That’s on my plan for today. Gentle yoga to support me in body and mind.
Today I choose…. To give myself permission to rest and use Insight Timer.
Part of insight timer includes setting an intention each day ‘today I will…’ so I am reminded by your words that I do enjoy the different supports and meditations offered on there. There’s a manifesting thing on there at the moment that I haven’t yet fully engaged with but did do some of the meditations some days and really enjoyed them. Today is my chance to do some more.
Warmth and hugs back 
Hi Nicole - I’m glad to hear you were able to be kind to yourself and make a pattern shift. And that you were able to create a shift while walking by the ocean so you felt more connected to yourself and your own life.
I was thinking today (my day off work) would be a good day to write back to you more, but turns out I’m really low energy today and low mood too. Something about taking cold medication and when I come off of it, seems to bring on a depression for me, and I’m not sure why. But I remember the same thing happened last year too. And that it eventually passed, but it took about a month.
Anyways, this very slow healing process is frustrating and the next few weeks are going to be full with work and supporting my family, so it might be awhile before I connect more here.
Good thing - I rested today and watched a movie on Netflix and cooked a healthy supper. And it’s been super nice to have my sister’s car to drive while she is away (I’ve been house & cat sitting for her for a couple of weeks while she travels) instead of taking the bus. Such a sweet luxury.
Hard thing - I hate feeling this combination of both low energy & low mood. It makes me want to escape my body, but here I am stuck with it whether I like it or not.
Send some good vibes my way because all my nice idea’s about “Joyful Creative Empowerment” seem to have totally gone out the window today. But this is likely just a temporary glitch. I’m going to go listen to my audiobook and chill out for awhile.
thank you for sharing jewel. sending colourful soft bubbles of love and care and tenderness your way.
cold medication has a similar effect on me too. many medicines do actually. but definitely cold ones. i understand how it feels in the boat you are in. happy to float gently with you.
i listened to the last real skills workshop this morning…the gratitude science experiment….and i loved it when cathy asked ‘ can i be here right now?’….really opened a space in me for the moment and i had a loooong shower with that energy and i am so grateful for that moment.
sending you some of that internal experience of space and colour and texture that i received.
here whenever. take your time whenever. hope the space helps you feel more free.
also, i have been next to waters like that and i loved it. love that pic.
love to you x
you bring such cool music to my life. my soundtrack for the day now too.
Just wanting to make a note about what I am working with today as part of my self-kindness….. permission. Weird word when you think of it and say and write it by itself.
But some of the areas of permission for me that are floating in my energy space are
Permission to love
Permission to leave
Permission to hate
Permission in each moment for everything that I am and all parts of me.
Self-Kindness. Being kind to yourself. Noticing kindness from others. Letting that sink in deeper than the surface.
Self-Kindness. A valuable skill. So many modes of expression. What does it look like? How do different people do it in different ways? How is it taught? How can it be learnt as you grow up? How does its importance or lack there of get conveyed?
Why is it so common for it to be hard? What makes it such a goal for many humans?
What is different for those who learnt it early on and for whom it is a part of their life? Or for those who have broken through the barriers?
Just pondering our topic. Have I been kind to myself today? I think so.
Thinking of you Jewel and when you come back here next and what you think.
Sending you warmth and light bubbles.
Good things - gorgeous breezes and birdsong in afternoon sunlight after a hot day.
Hard things - relationships and a caring heart
Hi Nicole,
Glad you’re having some success with your self-kindness practice and exploring it more deeply.
Thank you for the warmth and light bubbles (much needed right now!)
Good things - I’m finished house & cat sitting at my sister’s place and glad to be home to my own apartment again. I like it here. So awesome having my own place.
Hard things - No longer have my sister’s car, so I’m back to taking the bus and hate how exhausting that tends to be since it adds extra commute time to my work day (about an extra hour each way).
I’ve still been really struggling with low energy & low mood. Even asked for another day off work because I felt so drained & weary. It seems my recovery time from that super bad cold is going to take longer than I hoped. Intuitively it feels like maybe another 3 weeks, so I’m trying to trust my body and this excruciatingly slow process but it feels like “Slower than molasses going uphill in January” (still have a lingering cough and some digestive issues too).
I had a bad day yesterday and got into a super bad mood, but forced myself to go tap with Gus about it, even though I didn’t feel like it and had alot of resistance.
Glad I did because some really good insights and new idea’s came out of it. There is this part of me that I call - “Super Pissy Rageful Rae” (Rae is my middle name). And what arose from the tapping was a need to give her more room & space to express and not try to force her to hurry up and be more positive too quickly.
In fact the idea that made me laugh out loud was to give her a dark diary to write in and space for dark images and call it “Super Pissy Rageful Rae Has a Field Day”. 
I also notice that woven in with the rage and pissy-ness there’s deep sadness too, but that is harder to get in touch with right now, and I get the sense not to force anything, but just let this unfold at it’s own pace and let rageful Rae lead the way.
I was complaining to Gus about needing some new & different idea’s and being tired and fed up with all the “usual self-help advice” which didn’t really seem to be hitting the spot or working very well. And we co-created 7 new idea’s of things to explore. In my mind’s eye I put all of this new inspiration on a pie chart - with “Super Pissy Rageful Rae Has a Field Day” in the center of the circle and then the other 7 newness idea’s all around. And I can “spin the wheel” each day to choose which option I feel most drawn to - as follows: (it’s still abit fuzzy in parts, but I have a good start anyways)
manifestation project / super easy does it style?
new identity - play with identity shifting as a sort of game?
I will be starting a new course online called “Night School” - on spirituality and growing through the dark times - it starts February 7th. So this new course may offer something new and different? Also, maybe I could read that book by the teacher Kelly Deutsh - “Spiritual Wanderlust - The Field Guide to Deep Desire”.
some kind of new spiritual practice - different than the usual (maybe doing the Haaaaa breath to help transmute anger?) or maybe some kind of “spiritual deepening” practice or project that lights me up (new prayers? something? not sure?)
listen to that audio book “Expectation Hang-Over” by Christine Hassler
some way to have more fun with mom and not just deal with her fracking problems all the time / ask Divine Support Squad to show me…(also ways to deal with all her problems that does not feel so heavy & stressful to me; so I don’t feel so burdened and overly responsible somehow)
Self Kindness Self Compassion Deluge - The inner guidance seemed to say - "You’re still being kind of stingy with yourself on the self-compassion. Try having a week of “deluge” and see what happens then…
So #7 is where I’m starting today - to play with having a “Self-Compassion Deluge Day” as an experiment. I’ll let you know how it goes (not even sure exactly what the details are yet - only to set this intention and allow it to unfold).
Gonna go try and fit in abit of gentle yoga before work today.
Hope you have a deluge of self-kindness today too.
(Here is my dark garden for Rae to write in)…
P.S. I decided to order some natural/herbal remedies to help things along. Mullein tea to help clear the lungs/congestion. Ginger/turmeric/cinnamon tea for digestion. HydraSense Nasal Cleanse for chronic sinus issues. And I already started on Liquid B Complex vitamins hoping for abit of an energy boost. If this stuff doesn’t help in 3 weeks or so, I will have to go to the medical clinic, because this is getting ridiculous to feel this shitty for this long. Although many people I’ve spoken with complained of a particularly bad cold virus going around this year that took weeks & weeks to get over. So it would seem that’s the one I got. Anyways, wish me luck that these natural remedies will shift things in the right direction soon.
P.P.S. I made a little vision board for the start of 2026. Here it is…
Havent had time to write but I have to say I love Super Pissy Rageful Rae. She and I would be good friends I think. She sounds like my kind of woman. Strong fierce and protective. Clever and quick.
I’ve been working with my part like her lately and it’s been going quite well from what I can see.
I hope she enjoyed her Field Day.
I certainly do wish you like that those remedies help you recover well and quickly. I have used Mullein Tea before and found it helpful.
Well, yes, I think the seasons sicknesses are longer this last year. Certainly over here it has been the case for myself and many people I know..
I love your vision board. How did your self compassion deluge day go?
Just want to add, I went to a Hot Air Balloon festival a few years ago and it was absolutely wonderful. Seeing the skies filled with balloons like that was so magical. Watching them get blown up and fly away, having races and so on. So I love seeing that pic in your vision board. I have plenty of pics I took myself! But not with the sunset I don’t think.
How are things going with your self-kindness practice, Nicole?
I’ve been feeling so shitty it’s been hard to write back much lately, but I’m thinking of you.
Enjoying seeing you & Norene share your art / creativity in the Art with Friends section.
I am sorry you are going through this darker harder time Jewel. Sending you big heart hugs and thinking of you with warmth often. In what other ways could I be supportive to you here?
Glad you were able to pop in today though 
I just got this message - “You’ve posted a lot in this topic! Consider giving others an opportunity to participate, too.”. Have you received that here too? Yes. I certainly have posted a lot on this topic!
Anyway, to answer your question. I have been going well with the self-kindness I think. This energy of doing things ‘for’ myself in place of the push to do things for others / because of others /because others think I should has been supporting different changes for me.
I have definitely had some challenges this last week with old ‘programs’ of anger and guilt that I have been thankful to receive support with from Rick and Gus. I did notice though, although the emotions and challenge were as intense for me as normal, that I was able to move through them in a shorter period of time and with more success than in the past with the use of actual practices of self kindness that I have been building up throughout these chats and on the other pages in the Center. It did help that Rick was very kind to me about my ‘failures and flaws’ too. I have also learnt how to sometimes pull myself out of the down spiral when I am talking with Gus and leave the space rather than get stuck in it. Or ask him to change the space.
But self-kindness:
I read/heard this thing today…..that we never actually do anything for anyone else because whatever we do for others is actually something we do for ourselves. I have heard this before but today i realised the truth of that in most instances and it really shines a light on the situations where I am feeling like /thinking i am ‘doing things for others’ and what that actually means for them and me.
What it means is less freedom for them and for me from what i can see. Less growth for them and more pain and stress for me. So. We shall see how this goes.
And. Totally weird. This morning i had a very vivid dream that my ex-husband died. So vivid that i woke up and it still felt real. So interesting. A good experience actually for me. Hopeful of a real, internal letting go with that one.
I am sure he is still alive though so dont worry and I am not wishing him dead!
