Courage to Thrive: Embracing Adventures Outside The Comfort Zone

 Real Skills Workshop - Community Event

RS 2023-05-16 Courage

Courage to Thrive: Embracing Adventures Outside The Comfort Zone

Real Skills Workshop: Be Thriving & Grow!

Hosts: Rick Wilkes (@Rick) and Cathy Vartuli (@Cathy)

Tue May 16 2023 at 830pm EDT / 530pm PDT (90 mins with a 7 min break)

We hope you’ll join us, and bring a guest!

:point_right: Click Here to Register

  • You are welcome to attend as our guest, Free!

If you are able, your financial support is needed…
and greatly appreciated! :purple_heart:

  • You can support this specific workshop on a gliding scale of $7.11 or more. Thank you!

  • We’re now offering our full Circle Membership for a gliding scale 1-Time Fee. You automatically get all the Real Skills Workshops, Circle coaching sessions, 8 self-paced coaching programs, and more. Gliding scale $98+. We hope you’ll join us!

Circle Members are already registered.

1 Like

Registration is now open. Hope to see you there!

Sign up for Courage to Thrive (Attend live or get replay)

Courage to Thrive: Embracing Adventures Outside The Comfort Zone

“It’s SUPPOSED to be uncomfortable.”

I didn’t understand. Supposed to? I thought we were shooting for ease, comfort, security… perfection.

My adventure was to re-frame what it meant to Be a human who was thriving. It was challenging. I’d start seeing the world in a fresh way that excited me… and my primitive brain would start demanding answers I didn’t have (yet).

Then there were the body sensations. Oh, THAT didn’t feel “good.”

What my coach decades ago was showing me is that I was so avoiding being uncomfortable that I was making myself sick. GROWTH could only happen if I embraced some sensations that I used to label “bad” and discerned most of them as aliveness returning.

Energy was freeing up and finding creative zones inside me. I was switching from a life of have-to’s and should’s to a life grounded in choice and freedom.

Didn’t mean all the choices felt Amazing, though. Emotional growth has… growing pains. It takes getting off the couch and engaging with what matters.

The adventures I craved were not to be found in my “comfort zone” – a sorta passive place where the body “hopes” more than “is” or “dreams” rather than “creates.”

And… we humans are designed to find comfort. Ease is a sweet nectar. I do like ease! I have moments of delicious savoring.

Then comes the craving, the innate desire to grow and expand and “be more” – even have more (money, things, love, vibrancy).

What is it that you want more of right now?

What makes that uncomfortable for you?

We’re going to get together next Tuesday and Tap. The focus will be activating the Heart Power (courage) inside you to explore and adventure outside what is “comfortable” …to go where you envision life calling you to be richer and more thriving.

(Yeah, for some workaholics, outside the comfort zone is about things like “not working.” Their edge of growth is balancing too-much-ness with being-ness. That is welcome here, too.)

Cathy and I hope you’ll join us!

Click Here to Sign-Up!

(If you can’t attend a session live, you will get the recordings)


This event is 90 minutes long on Zoom on Tue May 16 2023 at 830pm EDT / 530pm PDT.

We look forward to exploring fresh adventures with you!

With smiles and love,

Rick & Cathy
Your Emotional Freedom Coaches
Schedule Private, Gliding Scale Coaching Sessions Here

P.S. Adira says, “Let’s put our best foot forward, hang on, and go for it!”


1 Like

Hi Rick. Love this topic and love the words, Heart Power :slightly_smiling_face: ty.

& yes as per our recent call I’m recognising I need to rest more which is outside my comfort zone. & hone in on basics. It’s funny I think if a regular person looked at me and my life they wouldn’t think that’s my m.o. Exactly the opposite actually which I’m probably having a go at fighting against too, that perception. I now reckon I need to rest and feel good to inspire or allow action.

With your quote here, could you pls give a couple of examples of sensations you used to label bad now discern as aliveness? & were you blocking feelings, is that what was potentially making you sick?

Sign up for Courage to Thrive (Attend live or get replay)

Inner Conflicts on the Way to Adventures in Thriving

Yeah… I was conflicted.

Do you ever feel that tug towards something you want, some experience that is calling to you, and yet you feel conflicted?

It’s actually a Good Thing. Or it can be!

I want to fly! I don’t want to die!

That conflict helped me learn what it would take to be a safe and responsible private pilot. It focused me. It also told me when it was time to stop because I didn’t have the time and space in my life to do it anymore with sufficient safety.

Adventures await. Some are BIG and some are so deeply personal that perhaps no one but you knows that that trip to the store was an expression of your profound courage and clarity and a lot of emotional and physical therapy.

What I can assure you (and me) is that most of what we see and dream about that is outside our safe-ish (comfort) zone is going to feel conflicted at first. Some coaches and friends will say, “JUST DO IT!” and buy you a pair of Nike’s to give you extra oomph.

That doesn’t actually work for me. As something RISES that feels important for my thriving, I always seem to need a pause to get my clarity:

(1) What about this is scary? (tap tap tap)

(2) What preparations do I need, physically and emotionally?

(3) What beliefs are interfering? Are they true (and I’ll need to cope with the consequences) or are they assumptions?

(4) What makes this Matter to me? Because change takes energy, and my body-mind won’t expend energy on something that doesn’t REALLY matter to me. Just… won’t.

It’s #4 that activates what I experience as Courage. It’s a flow of energy from the heart to the cells and systems in me… with enough fire to burn the “old stuff” and temper my steel for the experiences ahead.

You might have picked on yourself that this doesn’t all “come naturally” to you. I certainly did! I thought people were either courageous… or cowards. I’d often inner-accuse myself of cowardness when really…

(1) There were actually scary aspects to what I wanted, (2) I wasn’t prepared yet physically or emotionally, (3) I had beliefs that, if I carried with me, would impede or even ruin the experience, and (4) I only had a “want to” in my head. I didn’t yet have a stack of ways this matters to me, and I don’t actually care if everyone else sees it the same way!

If we don’t tend to these aspects, all of them, we end up living a life that is “safe-ish.” It isn’t particularly juicy for us. We cope with a dose of existential angst because we’re not growing. Our body is signaling its decline from lack of YES! Living… but we are not sure what to do about it.

Well, those of us who explore emotional freedom DO know what to do about it! We do the four steps. Then we take small steps – baby steps – and really squeeze the emotional juiciness from each micro-step. Yum!

I’m on day 877 of my Morning Mile. I would not, could not, have taken all those steps if I had not addressed the inner conflicts. Couldn’t have. Wouldn’t have! Yet, 877 days and my body is so different. I’ve seen the “territory” around me in ways most people living here have not. So many simple uplifts.

My hope for all of us who want to Be Thriving is we learn these skills, practice them alone and together, and share them with others.

Cathy and I will be doing that TOMORROW, in a Real Skills Workshop. We hope you’ll join us and co-create. We use the chat to share and explore together, so you don’t even have to be on camera… unless that is part of your adventure :wink:

Click Here to Sign-Up!

(If you can’t attend a session live, you will get the recordings)


This event is 90 minutes long on Zoom on Tue May 16 2023 at 830pm EDT / 530pm PDT.

We look forward to exploring fresh adventures with you!

With smiles and love,

Rick & Cathy
Your Emotional Freedom Coaches
Schedule Private, Gliding Scale Coaching Sessions Here

P.S. Adira says, “I’m glad Da-Da doesn’t just sit in his comfy bubble. Adventures are awesome when shared!”


1 Like

One I recall was a feeling that I needed more freedom in my work, to stop what I was doing and explore new fresh engagements.

But the trap I was in was safe-ish. Was making $$$$. It was scary to let go of that “certainty” and be back to fresh looking at the world and what mattered to me.

I had beliefs about what my spouse wanted that I never actually asked her. She hated having employees and didn’t tell me that until after they were all let go years later when the business actually failed.

There were other beliefs I held that stopped me, but I didn’t have anyone to explore them with. And I didn’t really have a map to what mattered deeply to me… so my “felt sense” was almost entirely MENTAL, in my head. It’s a very good head, but it is not a source of courage energy for me. My heartistry isn’t sourced in my head.

Now, it’s easy for me to say “Duh…” about those confusions. But I didn’t have the word heartistry or its energy. The notion of an emotional map had not yet come to me. It wasn’t “rational” to give up a business that was doing so well… even if the truth was that not growing in authentic ways was eating me up inside.

I did have adventures! I became an instrument-rated pilot. I learned some cool things on the Air Chair behind my boat. I rode some amazing horses.

But there was a sensation, too, in me I’d now call “incongruent.” When I am incongruent it means that my “work” time and my “personal” time are out of alignment. I’ve never REALLY been able to separate home and work. WHO I AM needs to be present and thriving in both.

Incongruence wrenches me inside. Today, if I get those kinds of bowel sensations, I know to look for incongruence.

Thanks for listening. What does this spark in your awareness, if you want to share?

1 Like

Courage to Thrive: Embracing Adventures Outside The Comfort Zone - Session Recording

:point_right: Get your Circle Membership Here

We welcome your insights, ah-ha’s, and sharing. Please! Click [Reply]

Click for Computer Generated Transcript

Courage to Thrive: Embracing Adventures Outside The Comfort Zone
[00:00:00] Courage to thrive embracing adventures outside the comfort zone. This is a real skills workshop for thriving and growing and just embracing adventures outside the comfort zone makes me feel a little uncomfortable. I’m Rick from Thriving Now and I’m here with Cathy Vartuli from Thriving Now and the Intimacy Dojo.

[00:00:25] , yeah. How, how do you define adventure, Cathy? Um, I, you know, I think we all get to define what adventure means, like during the height of covid going to the grocery store was an adventure going, you know, to, you know, going out to get gas in my car felt like an adventure. So it really depends on our circumstances, our resources, but, I do think an adventure is something where we haven’t planned every step of the way.

[00:00:51] I’m a super planner and like I’m going to New York. I have like an itinerary planned out with people’s phone numbers and names and like, oh, like we’re gonna meet here at this time and this is their phone number in case they don’t show up. And that’s good cuz there’s a lot of moving parts. But an adventure is kind of like, I remember taking a trip and I was driving from Albuquerque to um, from Phoenix to Albuquerque and I didn’t have a hotel and I didn’t have a plane and this was before cell phones, so my mother was freaking out.

[00:01:20] But I was like, I just wanna drive. And I was driving and saw the painted desert. I didn’t know what it was. I’m just like, that’s pretty, oh, there’s a lookout. Go over here. And then someone told me about a place I could go and I spent the entire day just wandering in the painted desert. Um, and just having the most.

[00:01:39] Soul fulfilling time, but I didn’t have a plan. There had to be some level of unexpectedness or unplanned this, that, um, you know, exploration. What are we exploring, what are we curious about? For me to really think of it as an adventure. Mm-hmm. Otherwise, it’s a planned destination with lots of, you know, maybe it’s checkpoints, but so unknown’s in there.

[00:02:02] What do you think? Well, even the planner in me, uh, says, uh, humans plan and God laughs. Yes. And, uh, so there’s a, a quality of skill for me of embracing the uncertainty that comes with things that are, um, uncertain, unpredictable, that there’s going to be choice along the way. There’s going to be. Potentially surprise or even shock or, um, a block.

[00:02:44] And so there’s a, a quality of, of developing a savvy about, um, adventure things that are part of what we want to have in our life, or we think we do. We’d like least like to taste it deeply enough that we have a sense of, yeah, this is something I want in my life. And part of that savvy is, um, to me developing a quality of being able to be in the now, um, and be in a place of sufficient calm and confidence that you feel like you can be, uh, in the flow and resourced enough sufficiently to be there so it doesn’t do damage to you.

[00:03:32] Um, There’s a difference between an adventure and a forced march. And, uh, honestly, sometimes in my life, the things that people thought were big adventures were actually like forced marches. I felt like I had to, everyone was gonna be disappointed if I didn’t go this and if I didn’t do that, and I was not emotionally ready to do that.

[00:03:57] And we’re gonna talk about, um, four steps that I’ve learned. If I, if I go through that process, I’m much more likely to consider things an adventure, even, especially an ongoing adventure. Um, and so, yeah, that’s, that’s what we mean by that courage is the energy that is, um, palpably different than willpower.

[00:04:27] Um, the, I mentioned in, in one of the newsletters, The Just do it. Yeah. Or no fear. Um, when those were really big and popular, the just do it, um, I found myself doing almost nothing like it. It acted as a counter. And until I figured out, like, I don’t like being told what to do, just do it. That doesn’t work for me.

[00:04:57] Don’t tell me what to do. This whole advertising thing, I even had one of the, I even had one of the t-shirts. I can’t remember whether it was given to me, um, or I bought it, but, um, every time I put it on a i, I, I could feel that sort of, Ra ra, just do it and then everything would like fall apart. And so I know that there are people that, that really works.

[00:05:23] It really speaks to them. Um, that’s not me. I’m not teaching and sharing coaching from that place. I’m coaching from a different place where I want to feel like I can add things in my life. Um, there was a a time when I decided that this dance that I had had in my imagination and with my imaginary friends is something I wanted to see happen in the real world.

[00:05:50] And it led me on a, an adventure of exploring. Um, and I, I found out it was called Contact Improv. And Contact improv. Um, I, I prepared myself emotionally for it and. My first experience, really big experience was with high school kids. And then the next one I find myself on the shoulder of a six eight dance instructor from Virginia.

[00:06:22] And, and he’s falling to the ground with me on his shoulder and we roll into something that I couldn’t even imagine. Um,

[00:06:35] I hurt my rib, but because I was prepared for the adventure and I understood what was scary about it, the preparation physically and emotionally, the beliefs that I had to kind of like, I’m a, I had a belief I’m a terrible dancer. Like that doesn’t apply In contact improv. You can be an unsafe dancer, but you, you can’t be a terrible one.

[00:07:02] Um, and really feeling why it mattered to me. Allowed me to continue and have that as a really big part of my life all the way up until, until the Covid period. Yeah. I think part of what we’d love for ourselves and for you is for you to have some adventures. The human system, when we’re not in deep trauma, wants some new experiences.

[00:07:26] It doesn’t want everything to be new. That’s overwhelming. It wants some con, you know, comfortable, safe experiences. We’re not trying to take that away, but we actually thrive better when we have a mixture of nutrients of the safe known and the unknown. The exploration, the, the, I’m not sure how this will come out, where we’re kind of stretching ourselves a little bit.

[00:07:47] Mm-hmm. Um, so we want, we want you to be able to have a mixture of that. And one of the things I, I know I bring this up a lot, but I think it’s so fundamental, is the way to build courage is to take baby steps and to tolerate the discomfort. So, and. One of the big keys in this is to not say I’m going to do it until it gets too scary.

[00:08:09] Because as soon as we say, I’m gonna do, I’m gonna do this until it gets too scary, our survival brain goes, don’t wanna do something new. It’s, and it will ramp up the adrenaline until it’s immediately too scary. So really what you’re doing is teaching yourself everything is too scary, but you wanna take, you wanna judge yourself and say, okay, or coach or someone else, like have them give you some feedback.

[00:08:29] Okay, I think I can tolerate this for five seconds or 10 seconds. And the human psyche is amazing. I’ve been doing some work in radical honesty that this is something they do a lot of and. There were things I could barely even talk about. Like literally just even bringing them up. I was nauseous, I thought I was gonna throw up.

[00:08:50] And he, and he was just like, I just want you to see if you can breathe with it for, you don’t have to have it full volume, but just see if you can be with it for five seconds. And I did. And then we changed the subject. I felt exhausted. The next time we did maybe 10 or 20 a week later, I was doing 20 minute discussion about it.

[00:09:08] Once our system learns that we, we can handle something, most of the time we learned we couldn’t when we were in crisis under-resourced and often very young. Mm-hmm. Um, if we’re, if as we teach our system that, oh, this is, this is like scary, but like I can handle it now we get, uh, we were talking before the call started about this exponential curve where artificial intelligence is getting smarter.

[00:09:33] It’s like learning how to learn. So it’s getting smarter and they’re saying in another few months, we’ll being a double exponential, like it’s gonna be growing faster than we really know how to conceive of in our brains. Um, but I think our psyches are like that too. The first few times I tried to tolerate something that was uncomfortable, it was, it took forever.

[00:09:52] My system was like, no, we should avoid this. We should go away. It wasn’t a week later I was just sitting there and doing 20 minutes about talking about it. But our systems can learn how to. Oh wait, I’ve done this now 20 times and each time I have more space in my life, I feel more empowered. I feel good.

[00:10:09] So now, you know, when I say, Hey, let’s look at this thing. There’s like a, I don’t really want to, but I’ll try it cause it’s worked before. Like it’s, there’s less resistance and we can build up our courage by doing this, by like allowing ourselves to see that being a little uncomfortable is okay. And as Rick said before, we are not talking about muscles tearing, bones breaking, we’re talking about baby steps into discomfort.

[00:10:34] Like this doesn’t feel comfortable to me versus. I’m doing actual damage to myself. Does that make sense? It’s a very important distinction and a lot of it, I don’t know about you, but I tend to be, oh, this worked if I did a little bit, so let me do more. Um, and then we can actually re-traumatize ourselves.

[00:10:52] We can teach ourselves that our system can’t handle that. So we always wanna make sure we’re staying in the, the zone where, you know, we can go into the yellow, but we don’t wanna be into orange or red, where we’re really revving up our, our nervous system a long ways. Does that make sense? It does. Uh, someone asked, is this like exposure therapy?

[00:11:11] Um, it’s the way that humans, uh, exposure therapy is a very particular mindset. Um, what we’re acknowledging is that, um, humans, Learn through experience and through we, we have certain capacity, like we can imagine something and get a lot of experience from that. We can talk about something and our, and our nervous system will respond very similarly in studies of athletes and others.

[00:11:43] If you take an athlete that is a downhill skier and they vividly imagine going to downhill skiing, their muscle fibers and nervous system are actually firing, not with the same ooph, like, because they’re not actually under physics stress, but there’s an interplay and we’ve known about that with tapping, whether it’s a phobia or an adventure.

[00:12:08] Um, there are things that come up in our body, and that’s what I was talking about, the uncomfortable feeling. I think we do it. I just wanna emphasize though, I think we do it differently than exposure therapy though. Okay. Exposure therapy is, you just sit there and tolerate it. There isn’t, from what I’ve, what I’ve read about it, it’s not this baby stepping in with tapping and teaching our nervous reregulating, and it’s like, we’re gonna sit here and you’re gonna, you’re scared of snakes.

[00:12:35] You’re gonna sit in this room with a snake for for an hour. And then you go away and we’re gonna do it again. As opposed to, oh, why am I scared of snakes? Why am I like, like, can I do a little bit? What are the stories? What are the, what are the feeling? And I look at a picture of a snake and keep my nervous system in, in more regulation.

[00:12:52] Right. Um, so I didn’t know. I, I haven’t had exposure to exposure therapy and that’s just what I’ve read. I haven’t actually done it cause it sounded horrible. Yeah. I’m, I’m a little triggered. Yes. I’d rather do it. I’d rather teach my system than I can handle it and do baby steps and tap on the fears and the beliefs so that my sys it.

[00:13:15] I think we really do teach our, our nervous system how to unwind things over time and we get better and better at it. That’s exciting to me. I want my nervous open. Uh, I, I’m, I’m feeling, I I’m feeling that drive now. Uh, sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt, but, um, it’s, I would love to hear in the chat. If you, did you bring an adventure that you’d like to embrace or is one puring for you?

[00:13:40] And, and, and if you would like to share that in the chat, um, that would be awesome. For me, it, I, one of the things that I wanna emphasize is an adventure. Doesn’t have to be, I’m gonna climb my Mount Everest, one of my favorite adventures of all times. I am terrified of getting lost, but I trust Rick implicitly, and we are in West Virginia.

[00:14:03] At the time I was visiting him and he just said, I just want to drive and I’m gonna turn where I feel drawn. And my nervous system’s like, no, we have to have a map and a destination and a time schedule. And I was like, Okay. I trust Rick and we found like a lovely restaurant, a great park. Like it was so much fun just to be in that moment and look at the time it was like, no, this feels really awkward.

[00:14:27] And I don’t think I like it, but it’s one of my fondest memories of Rick, something Rick and I did together. So it doesn’t have to be huge fireworks, like change the world, but an adventure for you. Mm-hmm. Something that’s a little bit of a stretch. And because a lot of, a lot of us have had trauma history or things that have changed our lives in a variety of ways, uh, no judgment.

[00:14:48] If your adventure is to walk around your block, Um, that awesome. There’s, um, there’s, to me, there’s not a hierarchy of adventures. It’s a deeply personal and intimate thing. Yeah. So if you’d like to share them, we’d love to hear. And if you don’t wanna share them publicly, we get that you get to have your privacy if you want.

[00:15:10] Um,

[00:15:14] learning in public with my art post to some Insta, some to Instagram. I love that. Um, and someone else shared, my reason for coming was a desire to play. I feel so much resistance to letting going, playing. I disassociate. Being able to play more with my 14 year old feel like an adventure for me that I don’t know how to let go into, uh, drive to Ingles.

[00:15:36] Speaking up without being afraid of what I’m saying is too much. Or I’ll be criticized. I’m revealing my abstract artwork to a local artist group. Beek. I love that. Like, these are great adventures. Like these are wonderful. Ah, thank you. Might just take a breath and notice that you shared it with a group that’s really safe.

[00:15:58] This circle, Rick has brought us all together here. There’s a lot of love and support. It is safe to share here. And that’s also really empowering for our nervous system to speak out loud or write out loud what we’re going to do. Zoo, going to the zoo, but maybe doing it in a new way of not having to be perfect about it.

[00:16:16] More like unplanned thing instead. Um, went on vacation to Philadelphia last week and went to several places. I was scared to go. One turned out to be the best experience of the whole trip for me. Oh God. Yeah. So the the things I look at when I, when I’m gonna be wanting to activate now courage kojo to use the Italian pronunciation, um, it’s of the heart.

[00:16:47] We have a powerful heart center. It has an electromagnetic field. Um, it, when it is vibrating, it affects the, the brain. It can allow the primitive brain to go, oh, okay, this is important to us. It, um, it can affect our organs, activating them, calming them, our heart field. So when I think of courage, to me it’s a little bit different than bravery and the hero’s journey kind of mythology.

[00:17:22] For me, courage is a state of heart activation around, um, this experience that I want to be in. I want to be myself in this experience and grow and expand or, um, Experience things that I want to, to have. I think first thing, courage is, oh, go ahead. Before you go further, I think courage is also about being with the conflict.

[00:17:47] Courage. You cannot be courageous if you’re not afraid. Courage is being afraid. I just, I don’t, I don’t say that. I, I do think it, well, I do. I, for me, it’s often I’m nervous or anxious or there’s some kind of like, oh, this is, if it’s very comfortable to me, I don’t imagine it takes too much courage, but there is a conflict off and a split.

[00:18:09] I’d like to split screen. Can we be with both? I’m really interested in this and it might, it feels like maybe I won’t do it right, or there’s too much effort involved, or there’s something holding me back or something like, Ooh, maybe this isn’t a good idea and Right. For me, courage is being with not. We talked earlier about some people are like, just do it.

[00:18:30] And I think those people are building up their adrenaline enough, so they’re just, they kind of scoot over the, the conflict, the actual like, oh, part of me feels really scared about this and part of me feels really good, or part of me thinks this would be delightful. And part of me thinks it might be a real pain in the butt.

[00:18:46] Um, and I, I like the idea of just being with a split screen, being with a conflict, being with both of them at the same time. Yeah. And giving both them, both space kind of breathing into them a bit because Right. Which is when this first step, um, the first steps, um, what’s scary about it? Can I hold my desire for the adventure and the scary part, the uncomfortable parts at the same time?

[00:19:16] And so you may find that using your body with this notice I’ve, I’ve got like, ah, I want this. And I’m aware that there’s some things that are, now, I use the term scary. You may, maybe it’s not scary to you. It’s uncomfortable. Maybe it feels like repulsive, like you want it, but there’s a different energy.

[00:19:46] Part of this is like tuning into yourself and feeling for what that is.

[00:19:57] If, and you know, to me, like one of the, like the first things is acknowledging what one of the things we do with EFT tapping. Um, if you’re new to eft tapping, thriving, we have a free course, um, and guide. Um, we’re not gonna be teaching it here in the workshop, but it’s there for you. And, um, the workshop’s being recorded so you can go back to it, but you can also just tap along with us.

[00:20:25] I use tapping. It was the first thing that said, oh, I can be honest about like this part of a situation, even though I want this, it’s scary, and I accept that I have this conflict. Or, um, eh, you know, like, you can make a noise. And so I’d like to start with that. Would you, would you like to lead us in that, or do you like, I, I How about I lead us in this one and mm-hmm.

[00:20:57] Does that feel good? Yeah, it feels great. Okay. So if you’re starting to become aware of like, I want this, and there’s this part of it, and if you like a posture, some people might like hold them in different, um, different ways. There’s wisdom in so many practices about like how we hold and posture our body.

[00:21:24] Um, finding a way to be with that where you can feel heart to hands holding this reality mixed reality. Mm-hmm. And I really encourage, if you can slow down a little bit here, a lot of times when you feel this discomfort, this conflict, we’re gonna rush to one conclusion or another, just see if you can be with it.

[00:21:47] Even though I’m aware of this discomfort, even though I’m aware of this discomfort,

[00:21:56] it seems what seems very uncomfortable. Yeah. There’s a bit of a repulsion. There is an attraction and repulsion for me. Yeah. Oh, and I accept that I have this, I accept that I have this conflict.

[00:22:23] Top of the head. I have a conflict. I have a conflict eyebrow. It’s uncomfortable. It’s uncomfortable side of the eye, and I’m holding both my desire and my discomfort, and I’m holding both my desire and my discomfort under the eye. Oh, this is taking some skill. This is taking some skill. No, this is taking some courage.

[00:22:50] This is taking some courage. A part of me wants to run, hide, rush through. Forget about it. I just forget it. Invited me. Just wants rush through. Forget it. Yeah, just do it. Just do it. You wimp. Yeah, he still lives in me. Um, and I’m, I’m aware of the conflict and I’m aware of the conflict, and it’s not a bad sign, and it’s not a bad sign.

[00:23:26] I’m the arm. It’s really human. It’s really human, and I want my clarity and I want my clarity. Why do I want this? Why do I want this? What makes it matter to me? What makes it matter to me?

[00:23:49] So, um, you can start building up your list. When I tap or something outside my comfort zone, um, I, I believe that there’s wisdom and stacking. Reasons why it matters to you. And so if one reason came to you, you just write it down. Um, I like this. No, I like my, well, I like myself when I do it,

[00:24:25] that’s mine. And that matters to me. You know, I think there’s so much wisdom in that conflict because there may be actually things that we need, skills we need, um, things we need to put in place, whatever that we, if we just ran ahead, we might not, we might find out we really wanted or there might be things we wanna clear so that we can move forward more easily and more, right?

[00:24:51] And that’s where, um, in our Be What Matters course, which is now available. Um, you can go to thriving and you’ll see the Be What Matters course. Um, A number of you were working on something that I, labeled wise, fearlessness, um, to me, that goes to activating another part of my brain. Well, what, what preparation would be wise for me before I go on this adventure?

[00:25:31] And that, and you look at it physically, emotionally, maybe financially. Um, someone said about posting out on Instagram, um,

[00:25:48] for me, If I was warming up to it, I might think like, okay, well that means a lot of different things. There’s public post, I think, I believe there’s public posting and there’s posting to friends. Um, I know that on Facebook I could post something to friends, friends of friends and the public. Um, those feel very different to me.

[00:26:11] And I assure you, you know, where did I pick to start putting my art out on Thriving Why? Because Noreen and Gene and Cater there, you know, and others, right? Like I, I had a, an audience that I could count on to help me take a baby step where I could be enthusiastic. Do you see? So that, you know, preparation is like, oh, okay, physically, You know, before I did the morning mile, I was getting a lot of resistance and I said, well, what preparation do I need?

[00:26:54] I need some decent shoes. I was like, what? Yeah, my shoes, if I go on the trail, they’re all slippery slidey. I do not want a slippery slidey on the trail. As soon as I got my tra like they call 'em trail runners, I do not run on the trail. Um, running is not what my body was architected for. Um, as soon as I got the, I was prepared with shoes that had grip for going down and going up, ah, I could feel that part of me go, oh yeah, we’re more prepared.

[00:27:29] So this is emotionally what comes up for you physically, emotionally, financially, around what you want. If you wanna share that, that’s. Someone mentioned about going to the zoo and having it to be perfect. Um, playing around with three minutes of meandering, um, you know, reading a John Muir quote to prepare myself, you know, energetically for exploring with, with just a, a sense of allowing, uh, rather than A to B, to C to D to ef, you know, and just having that, that could be like an energetic emotional preparation for it.

[00:28:15] Anything coming to you, Cathy? I, I just, I think a lot of times when we can slow down and kind of pull, like I imagine almost like I’m pulling time so it expands a little bit and I can be with the different fears that are in there. There’s a lot of innate wisdom in there. Um, it may be just that I need to look at the things I’m afraid of and, and can I, you know, like, is this seem like a logical trade off there?

[00:28:40] There may not even be something like, I’m going to New York. I don’t know how my family will be. Um, my niece is marrying someone who’s Muslim and there’s some people that are not quite happy about that. I don’t, I can, I can plan, I can make sure my cell phone is charged and I have my keys if I need them, but I’m gonna be there for my niece and I don’t know how to plan for everything.

[00:29:04] But by being, being with the discomfort and the uncertainty I’m evaluating, is this feel like it’s a yes for me? Is this like, is this risk. Uh, yes. And for me it is cause I wanna be there for my niece who’s, you know, she loves this person, he loves her, they’re getting married. It shouldn’t matter what religion people are in my book.

[00:29:26] But you know, like, I think just, oh, is this worthwhile? And there’s been some trips where I was like, oh, I’m just not ready for this. I can’t like going, I was supposed to go see Rick in 2019 and it just, the covid, the flying with the mask the whole way. I just didn’t feel ready for it. So just stop on not feeling ready.

[00:29:45] Yeah. Okay. So this is a way to open up some of the preparedness. Um, even though a part of me does not feel ready, evenin law, part of me does not feel ready. What if that’s actually true? What if that’s actually true and that there’s preparation I can do and there’s preparation I can do practicing regulating myself, practice regulating myself, having some.

[00:30:13] Backup plans, having some backup plans, getting my body and mind ready. Getting my body and mind ready. Microdosing on the experience. Microdosing on the experience. Ah, maybe I’m not actually prepared yet. Maybe I’m not actually prepared yet. And that part of me is encouraging me and that part of me is encouraging me.

[00:30:38] Top of the head. Yeah, I bet there’s a bit more preparation I can do. I bet there is a bit more preparation I can do. Ah, that’ll always be true. That’ll always be true. That’ll always be true in adventures. That’ll always be true in adventures. I don’t need to over prepare. I don’t need to over prepare. I want to listen to my body’s desire to be safe.

[00:31:06] I wanna listen to my body’s desire to be safe and prepared for adventure, and prepared for adventure. Because adventure is different. Adventure is different. Adventure is a different state of being. Adventure is a different state of being. Ah. And it is a skill that I can develop, and it is a skill I can develop.

[00:31:30] I love that. And I think just by slowing it down and being with the discomfort, like, oh, I don’t know if this is a good idea or not. Like being breathing into that. I don’t know. And humans do not like, I don’t know. We want to know. We want to be moving. We want to like feel co we. Our survival brain thinks we, if we don’t know, we might not be competent.

[00:31:48] There might be something wrong and we can teach it to be like, oh, we’re just gonna be with this and feel into it. And then we get a lot of clarity if we, there’s a lot of wisdom, there’s a lot of gold in there. And it might be, oh, I wanna go on a hike. Um, someone said they wanted to go hike on their own, on their own at 70, which I think is lovely, but maybe I wanna do a quarter mile hike in an area.

[00:32:13] I know first just to see my, how my body holds up. Or maybe I wanna go with somebody else, or I want to have somebody like, Hey, this is where I’m going. Um, you know, please, if you don’t hear from me, you’ll hear from me in 15 minutes. In 15 minutes or two hours or whatever. Yeah, exactly. So that to me is part of the wise aspect for, for those of us that are sensitive.

[00:32:38] Um, what I can, what I can reflect is if I start feeling uncomfortable, then there’s a, that really means a request on the part of my inner intelligence to go deeper. What about this is scary? And what kind of preparation would, would a person like me wanna take, want to take? And it can be really personal.

[00:33:03] Like for some people, um, preparation for them to really enjoy and embrace the adventure is gonna look like the back of their car filled with everything from first aid equipment and multiple gallons of water and a satellite, um, because they’re legit going off grid, right? Mm-hmm. And so, you know, they, they or they just want to have a backup.

[00:33:35] Um, I, I remember joking with Cathy, I think it’s okay for me to say, when you first, when we first started working together, you were going to go back and see your mother and I suggested you buy one of those second floor, um, second story, um, emergency ladders. Emergency land, just in case you needed to, to take an exit.

[00:33:58] Mm-hmm. And, um, the truth of the matter is that, that came like, oh, what would I want? Oh, I want an emergency exit. You know, no one’s gonna block the door for me. I’m gonna keep my car keys on me. Um, sometimes in relationally emotional, um, difficult emotional things, your preparation may be, you know, we always, I always let her drive or I always, um, you know, we always get together and then go to this place together.

[00:34:28] And after a conflict, it may be that you going on your own and having your own exit, you know, That part of me likes to know where the exits are, where’s the, where’s the call for help that is likely to be met. Now that’s preparation for me. I know people that, that just doesn’t cross their nervous system.

[00:34:50] Right. What I know, I know people that travel with, um, a lot of cash because that is preparation for them. They want to know that it, they can like whip out enough cash to get back somewhere. Um, and, and that’s what works for them. That that’s not something that really registers for me. But if you think about preparation, um, if you start going like, I’ll never, I’ll never be able to.

[00:35:21] Yeah. That’s where we go to limiting beliefs or beliefs that come up. There’s like a hard break on that. Correct. So if you, if you’re hitting like a hard break, if it is an experience that. Is not like, if you want to jump off a cliff, okay. You’re like, I want to jump off a cliff. Right? Well, there’s a whole bunch of ways that humans have figured out how to have that experience, but the first thing, um, you may get is, I don’t want to die.

[00:35:58] And, and, and if you bounce off like, well, there’s no way to jump off a cliff without dying. Um, that would be a belief. It’s not actually true. There are wing suits, there’s bungee jumping, there’s all kinds of, um, there’s, there’s tandem jumps and all kinds of other things that you can do. Um,

[00:36:20] if you think, like for me, when I was starting contact improv, the belief that hit me hard was, you’re a terrible dancer. Like notice. How you feel when you hear me? Like, no, you’re a terrible dancer. That’s what, what came to me. It wasn’t true after Zumba. I kind of knew it wasn’t true, but in Zumba you’re kind of following somebody else.

[00:36:51] And here I was gonna be like doing my own thing. Yeah. And that came up. It was a belief and I, I tapped on it a lot. Like, even though a part of me thinks I’m a terrible dancer, you know, contact improv is not about that. I need to be prepared to be safe. I need to be, you know, reasonably physically aware of my body and that, and I feel that in my, you know, throat, wherever you feel it.

[00:37:21] Um, some people will, like, they, they know they want to start something, but then they’ll get hit with this. I’m too old.

[00:37:34] I don’t know that that’s always true, and that would be a belief if there’s anyone who can start from where you are and experience tastes of that.

[00:37:52] For example, there’s, you know, I, I worked with a client who said, well, I can’t, I’m never gonna be able to do a triathlon. And the truth of their condition was, eh, probably not. Triathlons are extremely challenging. And they were being realistic, like with their condition. I said, well, what if you, what if you got one of those water earplugs and you, you swam in the pool and you got out and you rode the bicycle and you.

[00:38:28] And you got in, um, you know, a, a wiggle waggle walk, you know, how would that feel to you? Oh, so like their tastes of something and that’s where, why does it matter to you? What’s the experience emotionally, what’s the state of being This person wanted to feel like they were moving beyond their current state of vitality and, and the triathlon was calling to them.

[00:39:01] And as we dug down deeper into what was stopping this belief, while there was a physical limitation, and, um, there was, um, a as, as we, as we got into why it mattered and what the experience was like, oh, there’s a sense of. Of aliveness and pacing. Like I, I like to pace myself and I want to go with a slight, I wanna go faster than I go right now.

[00:39:31] And I feel like if I was in a triathlon, I’d have these other people, oh, she got a buddy. And the buddy would pace, they would decide what the pace was and would be a pacer with them. And it was a, and, and over the course of six months that I, I worked with them, um, there was this sense of adventure, like, oh, you know, and sometimes they couldn’t go as fast and sometimes they could go a little faster.

[00:40:00] Um, this is, this is where I believe that beliefs are there sometimes to help us clear a trauma. Like the, I’m a terrible dancer. Junior high school was so true.

[00:40:19] Had no experience dancing. Um, and then there’s the, okay, if I’m creative with this adventure, how can I get the experience that I want? Mm-hmm. Um, there are a lot of people in contact improv that are very acrobatic and extremely flexible. I’m not, uh, despite being lifted up on this guy’s shoulders, um, that’s not how I tend to dance.

[00:40:49] Um, there’s a, there’s a finding your zone, right? Some people love to go. Um,

[00:41:04] To go on adventures to new countries. Right. And they’ll be like, no, I, I I refuse to, I just hate tourist stuff. I just can’t, I’m never gonna be able to go. That’s a belief, right? That going to another country means going and doing tourists things. Whereas you can do the anti-tau thing. Yes. You know, you can rent a place some place that is not touristy at all.

[00:41:29] And that also means some certain preparations and the like that are different. Um, how feeling, how does this feel to

[00:41:42] curious what’s coming up for people? Yeah, I’m curious if you’re feeling hopeful or feeling like, oh, this will never work for me. Like, especially if you tune into one particular thing. Because our brains, when we wanna avoid something that could mean a lot to us, we will sometimes flood ourselves with too many things to distract ourselves.

[00:42:02] So if there’s something that could be like, really impactful in your world and like you really kind of want to do it, just notice if your brain gets really busy and just ask it. What, what is this trying to solve this? So someone said they’re feeling inspired and curious. Mm-hmm. Um, and looking at a couple people’s faces, it looks like maybe things feel a little heavy, I’m guessing from expressions, but, um, That’s okay.

[00:42:28] We’ll do a little tapping. Yeah. And then we’ll take a our little seven minute break. Great. So I invite you to tap along, even if you’re feeling very hopeful, because tapping will never create something that’s untrue, but it might help clear something or help you get some clarity on it. So just take a deep breath,

[00:42:48] karate chop. Even though part of me might be feeling pretty hopeful about this, even though part of me is feeling hopeful about this. Yeah. Another part feels really heavy. Another part still feels heavy. Who am I kidding? Who am I kidding? I’m never gonna do this. I’m never going to do this. Well, that’s a bleep.

[00:43:10] I’ve been talking about it for decades. I’ve been talking about it for decades. Why do they think this hour and a half web webinar is gonna make any difference at all? How could this, uh, 90 minute workshop make any difference whatsoever? I don’t know what they think. I don’t know what I think they think.

[00:43:28] You think, what is Cathy talking about? Top of the head. This is what’s on Netflix tonight. This is never gonna happen.

[00:43:40] It’s never gonna happen. Well, part of me thinks so. Need it to. I want it to happen. Yeah. Part of me thinks it might never happen. A part of me thinks it might never happen. That part of me is probably protecting me from disappointment. I know that part of me is protecting me from disappointment under the eye cuz disappointment hurts a lot.

[00:43:59] Disappointment hurts a lot under the nose. I’d rather not even try and be disappointed. Sometimes I’d rather not even try than be disappointed. Chin. But what if I actually made some progress this time? What if I actually made some progress this time? Color bone? It may not look exactly the way I thought.

[00:44:23] It may not look exactly the way I thought under the arm, but I might discover some amazing things about myself in the process. I might discover some amazing things about myself and what if I made some really powerful steps towards what I wanna create, and what if I made some really powerful steps toward what I want to create?

[00:44:46] I think I’d really like that.

[00:44:51] I think I’d really like that. And just breathe and notice what’s coming up. You may have some deeply held beliefs from your childhood. Sometimes these beliefs are, um, uh, someone I work with sometimes calls 'em just below awareness. So we’ll notice we feel heavy, we feel dread or whatever, but we’re not really sure why.

[00:45:14] But it’s really good data because they’re hovering around, taking up a lot of energy. They’re just below awareness. We’re not really thinking them. And if so, if you’re feeling, if you’re feeling any of this, like, oh, this never worked, this is heavy. There’s probably some belief or thought just below your awareness, it’s like pulling you down.

[00:45:33] So if you can use the data to just breathe and be with it, if once we consciously identify that belief, we now have something we can do about it. But as long as it’s subconscious and not below our awareness, it’s just gonna hum in there making a lot of noise and pull in our lives in different directions.

[00:45:49] Mm-hmm.

[00:45:53] Someone said, you know, the belief that I’d rather not try it all than be criticized for failing, that goes to me like a belief and a preparation. Um, and why it, you know, it also fits for me why it matters. And when we’re, we’re confronted with something like that, especially if it was a big part of our childhood, um, there isn’t a strong other ave like to me, there’s a, there was an adventure I went on where I redefined what failure meant, and I started looking at quotes and I started listening to people who held a different energy about failure as failure, not wanting to fail, was driving my, my perfectionism, one of the pistons in my perfectionism.

[00:46:42] And so the preparation was like, what? How could I define this adventure so that there’s no failure? So like, it’s easy if it’s, if it’s a test, did I have fun or not? Well, in an adventure we may not know, was I, was I able to be, did I, did I go well, did I, did I get clarity of the mix of things? Um, what, what about this adventure matters to me?

[00:47:19] And to make it as, as easy as possible, easy meaning, um, filter it through perfectionism. So like, you know, um, I wrote down one of the reasons is I like myself when I, when I do it, the contact improv. I haven’t been since Covid. Um, now I don’t always like myself. So like, if I’m going to, if I’m going to be clear about this, it’s gonna be, I’m guessing, I’m curious if there will be a moment, if there will be a moment where I’ll really like how I feel that it feels in, in some way me, when I’m there.

[00:48:10] Um, different like, well, that was different. That’s an easy win, right? Like win, you know, failure win, lose failure. Like, I’m, you see, I’m playing with like, what does it mean and, um, criticism. If it’s something that’s tender, part of my preparation is, no, I’m not going to be posting it on Facebook. Okay. Where, um, it’s open to anyone in any mood.

[00:48:41] I’m gonna be selective and I’m really gonna feel into who is right for me to share that with. Um, the things that matter to us are often start in a very tender place. And as we, as we build it up, well then you find yourself able to share. And if somebody is critical, it’s like, oh, well it’s not for you. Oh, you really don’t get me, do you?

[00:49:07] Do you see like, it’s, oh, you don’t get me? Um, so that’s. That’s part of the preparation. Um, uh, a lot of people that get stopped from sharing their artistry, whether it’s artwork or poems or their coaching or their wisdom or anything, um, oftentimes there’s that, as Cathy said, vibing underneath the subconscious is this sense of expectation.

[00:49:39] An expectation is, is expectations lead to disappointment, which lead to that sense of failure. So part of preparation for me is like, well, what do I expect? Oh, I expect if we go to, to Hogwarts castle with the kids that it’s just gonna be amazing. We’re gonna be happy. And, you know, I’m setting myself up there.

[00:50:03] Right? I really am. Like, you would be like, Rick. Oh man, it, it might work out that way. I really, uh, tone it down a little bit. I’m praying for you. And, uh, yeah, it might not. So it’d be like, no, I’m, I’m going to be, I’m, I’m going to be with my family and exploring something. Um, I’m gonna be open to serendipity, uh, as much as I can.

[00:50:29] Um, looking for ways to tend to our individual and group needs. Um, imperfectly, um, I’m gonna notice contrast. Yeah. Yeah. Baby steps. I love that. Yeah. And just being with myself and letting myself explore and see myself, that’s a, I like to set that for myself rather than, it’ll be this. I like the, uh, group room I go to sometimes here, talks about high possibility, low expectation, and I think that’s just a brilliant phrase.

[00:51:05] I’m open to really amazing things happening, and I’m not gonna put pressure on myself or other people to be that.

[00:51:15] So we’re gonna take a seven minute break, um, and we’re gonna come back and talk about, invite you if you’re, if you are building a list of why it matters to you, um, that can help as we go into the next section. Um, which is really, to me, the most important of it all. Yeah. Activating that energy. Okay. Yes.

[00:51:35] We’ll be back. Welcome back.

[00:51:42] Put in the chat. You know, how about I’m taking my inner child out to play? Um, you know, for some people that is, um, like if you wanted to play with your 14 year old, if you practice getting in touch with your inner child, which can be of any age, that feels right to you. And activating that awareness, that embodiment, like I can shift to.

[00:52:10] Um, a like, okay, how would I feel at eight? You know, my, my face changes, my energy changes. Now, if you had a really traumatic childhood, part of the preparation is a lot of the inner tapping work that we do. I had to do that before I could reclaim my, my childhood years and my teenage years. But then, you know, it’s surprising what one round or two rounds of tapping, if you ask your inner child, well, what would you like us to do?

[00:52:43] There’s a sense of possibility and, um, moving toward an adventure that’s better than where we were stuck. And someone said, you know, what a, um, is it good to have low expectations? Well, again, like expectations are a thing, right? High expectations, low expectations, eh, That’s, that’s in the energy field. I take it out of expectation into possibilities.

[00:53:16] So we have possibilities that I want to be prepared for. Um, I, I, when I’m walking on the trail, I like being prepared in certain ways, um, if I’m driving a long distance, if I’m going to, uh, do something new. Um, but there’s also then the possibilities related to what matters to you, why this is important, like-minded, embodied friends, for example.

[00:53:50] Um, Someone wrote in the chat, um, I found a blurt about making new friends. People freak me out. Well, yeah, that’ll, that’ll stop me. Um, yeah, so go ahead. Oh, I don’t, I just, I wanted to add about the expectations. I would like to expect myself to be there for myself the whole time. Sorry, I dropped my phone over the keyboard.

[00:54:14] Um, it’s different from I expect my friend to show up with me and they’re gonna be very attentive and friendly to me, and they’re gonna say nice things and they’re gonna bring lunch and they’re gonna bring something I like. And we put a lot of pressure on ourselves and others when we have. Specific expectations about how others will behave or the experiences will have.

[00:54:35] If we can keep it more general, like I am going to set an expectation that I’ll be curious and open, and I’m gonna do my best to live that, that’s something I have a little more control over. Mm-hmm. But usually when we do an expectations, at least subconsciously, we’re planning how other people will behave or how the traffic will be, or how the weather will be, and that kind of pressure, it’s really hard to suddenly, we’re not living up to standards that are subconscious mind made up, and the day is like, oh, I’m getting a b plus, instead of just being curious and really enjoying the day.

[00:55:06] Mm-hmm. Yeah. I’m so sensitive to expectations. I’m pathologically, um, sensitive to expectations. I have to clean them up before I go, like even expecting myself to be there for myself. Um, I will collapse the first time. I’m not there for myself. Um, By my judgment. So like you softened it as you talked in a way that I was like, oh yeah, I tend to be there for myself.

[00:55:31] I’m curious what situations that are gonna arise that are gonna gonna call on my skill. Um, I’m, I’m practicing pauses a little more cuz I’m gonna be around people that might not be my nature to hang with. Right. Um, or that I might have history with that is uncomfortable. Um, empathy, uh, I think is a really sweet thing to blend in here as well.

[00:55:59] Like, and I’m, I’m wanting empathy for myself. I’m going on an adventure. I wanna embrace the possibilities, including possibilities that I’ll laugh at or say, wow, we survive that. Um, um, My partner’s, uh, mother says it’s not an adventure if there wasn’t a life or death, uh, uh, moment. Um, she tends to have adventures that are, she’s an Alaskan.

[00:56:27] Their idea of adventure includes a lot of, uh, potential trauma. Um, but, uh, so the possibilities, um, I need to a certain amount of preparation for the negative possibilities and potentialities. Um, but I, I, the courage part of this, the courage to thrive, I believe that there’s a natural pathway forward from what matters to us and what it can, it can, it can bring us forward rather than being pushed from behind.

[00:57:05] It is a, an attractive force. It is a force that, um, also attracts. Cooperative components. It attracts people who vi are vibing with what matters to us. Um, and this doesn’t have to be something that we’re verbally saying or wearing on a t-shirt. It can be something that we’re, and again, like I believe that the embrace of the adventure is embodying it.

[00:57:34] Um,

[00:57:38] uh, this does not come naturally to me. Um, the negative possibilities come really naturally to me. I could list, oh, you go hiking on a trail by yourself and the Blue Ridge Mountains. I could list easily 200 potentialities that could come. Most of them fit into a certain subset of categories. Um, and I feel prepared, reasonably prepared, why wise enough prepared for those.

[00:58:08] But it’s the positive. Energy of ah, yes. I get an opportunity to notice something fresh about land. I know. Well, ah,

[00:58:24] when you, when that matters to me, like something that’s an uplift. I was walking and I was, it was really in my head, I’d been doing a lot of technical stuff and I paused and, um, when I pause on the trail, there’s an openness, not a requirement like I’m investigating and I’m, I’m not Sherlock Holmes’s trying to find something that’s, that I check off my, my mark.

[00:58:51] But there’s an openness and there, down the hill was this tree that Yes, the day before was not in bloom and Wow. Was it in bloom? One day different. Same trail. Wow. And I still feel it. So on this adventure, which is a almost daily thing for me, um, most days I do go to the gym sometimes. Now, um, there’s a on my list is that if you have a, a long enough selection of reasons, feeling about, oh, well that would get, um, someone was talking about going to the zoo and not going in a, in a traditional way.

[00:59:40] Is there, is there a ver something that matters to you about being improvisational? Like improv is a little different than spontaneous to me. Um, improv is, I’m with where I am. I’m with what is showing up. I’m walking through the zoo. Oh, my cousin’s calling, my cousin’s calling and I head off to the monkey house.

[01:00:09] Um,

[01:00:13] there’s a path through the nature, um, conservatory here. Um, a lot of people just go and they walk the path and improv says, well, what if I walked it the opposite direction? It’s a lot backwards. What if I felt for where I’m drawn? Like that’s a quality of improv feeling for where I’m drawn. That’s what I was doing when we were driving is, is it, do I feel drawn to the right or the left?

[01:00:49] And you can even confirm that with your, your, your partner if they’re playing the game with you. Which feels better to you? Oh, it feels brighter to the left. Oh, okay. Um, if being in improv and, and that kind of intuitive flow, um, what does it neutralize that you have? You’re in a lot. So for example, um, for some people the adventure, like getting out by yourself, if you live with someone all the time, getting out by yourself can be like, oh, I get to be in my me space and I get to be in the we space with nature and I’m not navigating anyone else.

[01:01:40] And I get to feel that, oh, it still may mean that you needed your pair of trail shoes, but you start, can you feel that, that you’re stacking your adventure with energies that. Are across a pallet. Um, anytime I’ve worked with someone who wants, who, who really has a, a goal, right? It’s a goal and they’re going after the goal, um, but they’re stuck.

[01:02:11] Uh, or it’s, the goal isn’t turning over. Um, there’s a, there’s often a quality of the goal is the thing rather than the experience about, and the sense of what matters. Um, and when we recalibrate to what matters, it changes. I think that that one of the biggest things about if we can let ourselves notice what matters, it can help us, um, find that pathway of.

[01:02:42] So there’s, there’s a lot of things out there that we don’t want to face most humans. Like, there’s things I don’t want to face every day. I don’t want to take out the trash tomorrow, whatever. And we’re navigating, we’re deciding it all the time. Like, do I ignore this? Do I, do I face this? Do I run away from this?

[01:02:57] And there’s nothing wrong. We can’t face everything, learn everything, deal with everything that comes our way. They’re just too much. But when we get quiet and we let ourselves really notice what matters to us, then we’re gonna not bypass the things that really, like, are drawing us. We’re not going to, we’re gonna make more informed choices about, oh, that really doesn’t matter over there.

[01:03:18] I’m just gonna let that go because it’s just noise in my life. But this thing, this is like my niece getting married and know she’s supported and loved. I’m going to be there even if it might not be the most pleasant, you know, experience for me. So like, When we let ourselves really notice what matters, and we do protect ourselves sometimes by not letting ourselves notice what matters because it’s scary.

[01:03:40] And if we notice what matters, well then we, we might realize we don’t have it or we maybe be afraid we can’t get it. We protect our, our emotions that way. If we can let ourselves really just be with it. Yeah, this matters to me. And we do have the skills and the support network, and there’s a very few things that we can’t accomplish in this circle, in this group.

[01:04:02] I’m never gonna be a prima ballerina. I’m too old. I’m too big. I’m not like, you’re not in shape, but they’re not in shape and too big. Like, I could probably work on those things here and I can learn to dance in other ways if that’s something that’s really important to me. So it may not be the exact specific outcome picture we have, but the thing, the, the core of what matters to us, the, the, the juice of the thing we can create, we’re powerful people.

[01:04:29] We have amazing skills. We have, you know, ways to learn things and we have ways that very few people do to clear some of these blocks. So there’s very little we can’t accomplish. So if you can, can I lead a little tapping on letting ourselves dream? Mm-hmm. So I invite you to take a deep breath, and someone earlier had said they were having trouble letting themselves play.

[01:04:49] This is very similar to play. Like, can I let myself dream again? Can I let myself want? So karate chap, even though I’m prote been protecting myself for decades, even though I’ve been protecting myself for decades, ever since, I didn’t get that pony when I was three, ever since. I didn’t get that pony when I was three.

[01:05:10] And then devastation was so horrible and the devastation was so horrible. I really muted my wanting. I really need my wanting. I just mute. I muted my wanting and muted. I muted it. Id, oh, I muted. I muted my wanting. I didn’t wanna notice my wanting. I don’t wanna notice my wanting. Then I just feel uncomfortable.

[01:05:33] Yeah, it’s so uncomfortable. Oh, top of the head. I don’t wanna just have this empty longing. I don’t want have an empty longing. Eyebrow What? When I was a kid, that’s often what I was left with. And when I was a kid, that was often what I was left with. Side of the eyes too often. Yeah. Side of the eyes. So I’ve learned not to let myself want too much.

[01:05:56] I’ve learned not to let myself want too much. I’ve learned to not let things be too important. I’ve learned to not let things be too important or playful. Yeah. Who knows? Or playful. What if I could let myself want and play? What if I could let myself want and play collarbone? That’s kind of outside my comfort zone.

[01:06:22] That’s outside my comfort zone. Under the, um, good thing I came to this call. Good thing I came to this call. Tough. It’s trying to sweat already. What if I let myself take a baby step into wanting something? What if I let myself take a baby step into wanting it? And really let myself see why it’s important to me and let myself see why it’s important to me and just take a breath.

[01:06:48] I notice that often the things we want play is about following our impulses. It’s not having our, you know, we may have rules, like we don’t go outside these certain bounds, but play is about following our impulses within those, within certain bounds and just, you know, exploring without a timetable or just we’re just in the moment, like trying things.

[01:07:08] And maybe it doesn’t work, maybe it does, but wanting is the same. Like, what do I want? We cannot play if we don’t know what we want. If we can’t follow those impulses of what would feel joyful or entertaining, there’s just literally no way to play. So what if you did let yourself just, Hmm. Well, how would that feel if I wanted a little bit?

[01:07:31] Again, we’re doing baby steps. If your nervous system thinks wanting is very dangerous. There could have been other reasons too. I, I, I tapped on, uh, that we’ve got that disappointment, but in my family growing up, if we wanted something, sometimes my mother would feel really guilty. We were very, very poor and sometimes my mother would feel guilty.

[01:07:50] She couldn’t provide those things. Yeah. So we learned not to show want because we didn’t want her to feel bad. So there could be a, a lot of different reasons in there. But if you start practicing and building up the muscles, the courage muscles to want, and to then a little bit of allowing yourself to do it, there you have play.

[01:08:08] And therefore, then you have like, oh, now I know how to direct my time and attention. Do I wanna focus on like, doing this thing that other people told me that I, I should do? Or do I wanna do this thing that’s in my heart, the spark in my heart that like, I want to create this, this is important to me. And when we start following our own heart, We can be respectful of others, we can accommodate and collaborate sometimes, but if we’re not following that spark in our heart, life is very, very heavy and dull.

[01:08:38] I love the dogs helping.

[01:08:47] Oh, uh, my daughter’s two and a half. Um, her idea of play is, is is not goal oriented. It’s, it, it may have like, oh, we’re, we’re playing with Daniel Tiger Toys and I’m supposed to hold it right? Like, I’m supposed to hold the dada. Um, or, uh, and she’s very clear that that’s the game that we’re playing. Um, and you’re not allowed.

[01:09:20] There’s a part of me else that falls into, um, I should understand the game and know the rules and know where we’re going. So an adventure in Papa Hood for Dadi Hood for me is, oh, it’s really uncomfortable for me to play where I don’t know what we’re doing. And it’s really amazingly good for me to embrace the part of me that can be with and be curious and add my own reactivate that part of me that liked to do things.

[01:09:59] Not because they achieved something, but because they were fun. Yeah. You know, um, uh, Aira was on the tire swing when I arrived and she was looking at me like, Are we gonna be goal oriented today, da da or am my you gonna take me right off the tire swing? And there was this, the and, and I, I could just tell she, she understands that sometimes we’re very direction, it’s time to go home.

[01:10:29] Um, but there was this moment where she stretched me and we went on a little adventure with the teacher’s permission of tire swinging. And I will tell you to see a little two and a half year old, five feet off the ground sitting on a tire holding onto the knots. And when I would push her just enough like this flood of just joy would bubble forward.

[01:10:59] And as it slowed down, she’d be like, okay, want to go again? Yeah. And um, That’s adventure, you know, to me to be able to drop into. Um, and I’m, I’m adding in more and more like what does it mean to be on the adventure of Dada hood? Um, for me, what matters to me, um, and that is helping me to, in the times when, um, the non adventure, like there’s a difference between someone who’s a, a tourist and a commuter.

[01:11:40] We, I drive the Blue Ridge Parkway, and when I’m going out for my morning mile, most of the time I’m more in like explorer adventure mode. And the section that I drive to get to the trail is also a commuter trail. And let me tell you, if it’s 8 58 and somebody needs to get to work, their energy is very, very different.

[01:12:06] Um, and some people carry that with them to Epcot. They carry that with them wherever they go. I believe that one of the reasons I call this a real skill, this courage to thrive is it is stepping out of habitual patterns. The ones that we’re adventure can help us unwind. Um, You know, for people that are really busy, busy, busy and they love it, their adventure can be the staycation, right?

[01:12:38] Or the, the, the simple thing that could be as much of a challenge as, you know, someone who is a homebody, um, going to, uh, a concert, uh, with, uh, a group that they just love the music, but they’re just not sure they could be around this many people. Um, yeah. Yeah. I think, and one of the things, I love this topic because I think it brings together many of the things we’ve talked about as real skills, the present scene, the taking the pod, that kind of mindful pro pause.

[01:13:13] And then we’re also learning like. I love the idea that I don’t know who I am yet. And I used to hate that. Like I felt like I had to know myself completely. And I’m like, now I’m like, oh, I’m evolving and changing every day. I don’t know. And when I go on adventures and I try things out and I let myself notice what matters to me, and I find different ways to explore that, I’m getting to know me.

[01:13:38] And, and I also get to be aware that that could change like a week from now. Maybe that won’t be as, as delicious for me. Like Adir is like, she, right now, she’s loving, if I tickle her feet through the, you know, like, I’ll, I’ll tickle, I’ll tickle, tickle, tickle. And she like giggles. But next week, that might not be fun for her.

[01:13:56] She, she might have outgrown that. We still play peekaboo. Um, but we get to discover ourselves each moment, every, every as we grow and we, that brings so much joy. And I don’t know, just like a quiet sense of purpose when I’m just with myself and I’m like, Hmm, I have some things I, I’ve committed to getting done.

[01:14:19] I wanna get those done. But the rest, some of this time is just me getting to explore. The world with me and how do I like it? What am I noticing that I like or don’t like? What I do, I value and don’t value. So the courage to thrive to me brings all this in. We’re not living a constrained world that many of us were kind of brought up to that we have to com comply with what everybody else thinks is important and right.

[01:14:43] We’re getting to explore and discover and we still have to pay taxes. And it’s nice if we shower. There’s, I think we get to still comply with some of the things when we choose, but I love the fact that we can constantly be dis, we can use that courage to discover ourselves and to create worlds that are like really delicious and wonderful.

[01:15:05] Mm-hmm. Ah, ah. If you have a closing thought or question, please feel free to put that in the chat. Um,

[01:15:27] For me, looking at play as an adventure that goes a little bit against maybe my earnest, serious, not against, but it’s an aspect of me that, um, if I don’t actively cultivate it, it diminishes. Um, there’s a part of me that loves to learn new things, but if I don’t feed that in some way in an adventure, um, there’s a part of me that, that becomes more flacid.

[01:16:07] We are physical beings, we’re emotional beings. Um, if there’s a part of you that matters, like that first three months, you guys really helped me, I. Experience being eager, that eager muscle is a lot stronger. It’s still using the three pound weights sort of thing. It’s not like, oh, I got 200 pounds of eagerness.

[01:16:30] You know? No, it’s still the light, you know, rehab weights that, that you use. Um, but it’s there. It’s mine. It’s been exercised. I can call on it at various times. Um, if there’s something now that matters to you, see if you can wrap it in a bit of an adventure. Um, embrace it. Go through the steps of like, well, what’s scary about it?

[01:17:00] Well, nothing’s really scary. Well, what’s scary at a three? What’s scary at a five? Um, Carol look typically says if it’s scary at an eight or above, you’re not going to do it. You and for me, if it’s scary and I’m feel unprepared above a four or five, I’m not gonna do it. That’s like, I know myself, I need to tend to that.

[01:17:27] Um, but we can tap and bring it down from a co coaching in our circles. It’s awesome to like, oh, if you’re having a hard time chunking it down to baby steps. And, um, that I love doing that. Like what’s the, what’s the smallest thing that you can still like, like those fine restaurants where they bring out a carrot, carrot, a single something in the middle of a plate, and it is delicious.

[01:17:54] Um, what is the, what is the smallest, tastiest, uh, way that you can experience that part of you? Um. Uh, the preparation, looking at the beliefs that really just like, um, there they are. Um, those are, if we tend to them in advance, they’ll be much less of a factor while we’re on the adventure or while we’re in it.

[01:18:20] Mm-hmm. And then continuing to build up. Why, why does this matter to me? Um, you’ll know my, my list of why certain things matter to me. They’re usually, I’m finding two or three things that make me cry a little, and they are tender enough that I’ve not typically shared them, probably wouldn’t post them. Um, that’s for me, an indicator that I’ve gone, I’m, I’m touching a core, like, oh, this really matters to me.

[01:18:59] Um, I’m feeling one of them right now about, um, contact improv again. So thank you, Cathy. Thank you. Thank you all for being here and playing with us and discovering and the, I love co-creating with everyone and just really is a fun, it’s a pleasure. Mm-hmm. And an honor, I appreciate your courage. Ah, thank you.

[01:19:24] And, , you’re gonna be traveling this ne for the next workshop, so I’m gonna be doing a q and a and I’m gonna be asking people to, to share some questions and experiences and step forward if you’d like, , around, , be calm and confident. So that’s our next one all. And then I’ll be back in in June. Yeah.

[01:19:45] Good. Bye for now.


We covered…

“Courage to Thrive: Embracing Adventures Outside The Comfort Zone” empowers us to “baby step” beyond our comfort zones and embrace the growth and delicious opportunities that come with it:

  1. Understanding Growth: Embracing uncomfortable sensations, scary aspects, preparations needed, and limiting beliefs that can whack us is a crucial part of this process. They “naturally” are a part of growth and embracing aliveness.

  2. Embracing Uncomfortable Sensations: We learn to see uncomfortable sensations not as negatives, but as signs of energy freeing up and finding their way to the creative zones within ourselves. This leads to a shift towards a life of expanding choice and freedom.

  3. Moving Beyond the Comfort Zone: True adventure and growth are not found within the comfort zone. Instead, they are experienced when we have the courage to engage with what truly matters, moving from passive hoping and dreaming to active creating and being (and doing!).

  4. Resolving Inner Conflicts: Recognizing and addressing our inner conflicts is a key part of the journey towards thriving. These conflicts often arise when we’re drawn towards something that pushes us out of our comfort zones. EFT Tapping can be applied skillfully to these conflicts, giving both the attraction and the repulsion space to be explored honestly.

  5. Finding Clarity and Activating Courage: We Pause and reflect on our fears, preparations, interfering beliefs, and inspirations when facing a new adventure. This process of introspection is designed to activate a sense of courage within us, a flow of energy from the heart to our cells and whole being, propelling us toward the experiences ahead.

By courageously embracing uncomfortable sensations, understanding and resolving our inner conflicts, and activating our courage to step beyond our comfort zones, we can harness the growth and opportunities that lead us towards a juicy, vibrant, nourishing, and thriving life.

Resources Mentioned

  1. Free EFT Tapping Guide

  2. Thriving Now Emotional Freedom Circle

Great to have you on this journey with us!

A key take away from this Real Skills workshop for me is the concept of the difference between potentialities and possibilities. Rick mentioned how he could easily come up with a list of 200 potentialities connected to an upcoming adventure. Yep. I resonate with that energy . . . trying to prepare for all the things that could go wrong. Then, during the adventure, defending against them (big Qi drain) and measuring my experience not by how much I experienced but by how many bullets I dodged. I do get that preparation is important, on all levels: physical, emotional, financial and personal. But can I allow myself to even imagine possibilities by dreaming, wanting, allowing, connecting to what matters to me? Cathy reminds us Small Steps. I’m writing it down: why this upcoming adventure matters to me.


Thanks for reflecting those back to us.

It’s interesting to me how as my Being (and what matters to my Being) explores possibilities and potentialities, there’s a quality of preparation for different aspects. The baby steps allow me to adapt and adjust. Playing the What IF expressed on the what matters and what I’d really like to avoid helps me discover the edge cases and guard rails that are important to me.

Thanks for engaging! Appreciate you!

Thank you Rick, thanks for sharing. That was helpful. I’ve had to come back and read it again and ponder.

What this brings up for me is a reorientation or adjustment. I asked myself why it was important to me to share art learning in public which was my stretch and I found it was ‘shoulds’ really driving it.

I mean it is important to contribute if we can -I’ve been on a project for years to find a way with my particular set of limitations/opportunities- but right now I need to bring things back to rest and nurture and play and finding a comfort zone which feels good. From which to grow.

I still feel basically unsafe. Good to recognise. & will tap now on that statement.

Learning art is a way of gentle creative discovery and safe(ish) place, so, yay!

I agree about congruency I’m super sensitive to that too. I’d say my word of the year, Harmoney… which is how I tend to type it automatically and apparently an old way of spelling harmony, is fuelled by congruency.

By the way how did Chai group harmony as a word. As in you’d said you asked for groupings for all the important-to-us words. Did harmony get in there and if so how was it categorised?

Actually are you willing to share all the categories?

1 Like

Here you can find the list of emotional categories:

Exploring Emotional Options – Thriving Now

I’m at a point where “Curating” feels like a core aspect of Harmoney.

I chose to co-create this Center with y’all because, well, I wanted to be able to curate a space which is, well, Like This One! It’s not for “everyone.”

My challenge with “social” media is that right now, it is really hard to curate. Those services want to “sell” our creations to connect ads to them, ads we don’t curate. They use their algorithms to drive “attention” and they actually benefit financially if the attention is primal more than if the attention promotes… Harmoney.

If I am free… under no obligation (!) to “share” my heartistry… where MIGHT I chose to?

It’s a question I pose before I do post on twitter. I am moving more away from Facebook. I have a soft exploration on Nostr. I am watching carefully sovereign choices where we get to curate the who and what without a controlling entity.

It’s comfortable to “do what everyone else is doing” in some ways, at least for people oriented more towards “following” than “freedom.” For me, I adore that you share your heartistry here and with us. Perhaps there will be aspects you choose to share through Instagram as a channel. Freedom for me includes feeling for what evokes Harmoney within me. Sometimes that is broader outreach… sometimes not.

Love to you,

1 Like

I have just completed listening to this webinar - I have taken several days to do that. I am left with a reminder of Julia Cameron’s ‘artist’s dates’ . In the Artist’s Way programme, there is an expectation that you will take your inner artist out on a date as part of the weekly tasks. I have facilitated this programme a few times over the years and continue to be astonished by how many people find that one task impossible. So your talking about Adventure and Play was so interesting from this perspective. Fear of doing a thing alone, fear of not knowing what to do, not knowing the rules (I love that your girl challenges you, Rick, whether she knows it or not​:clown_face:). I like so much the idea of wise preparation. Thinking through what I will be doing. I can see that it doesn’t have to take out the spontaneity of a thing, but can remove the anxiety or the reasons Not to do the thing. Very lovely to spend the time in your company. T

1 Like

Indeed. It’s so so natural for me to notice the reasons NOT to do a thing. If I leave myself just being natural… I wouldn’t do much! The savvy comes from knowing for me that noticing those is a part of the vista, not the whole of it.

There’s a pleasure in being reasonably prepared. Having pause points. Lowering risk so it feels like the sweet spot of adventure and safety.

Appreciate you! Thanks for these reflections.

1 Like

In the documentary “Free Solo,” neuroscientists perform an fMRI scan of rock climber Alex Honnold’s brain.

The neuroscientists conclude that Honnold’s brain doesn’t respond to fear stimuli like a “normal” brain.

“I find that slightly irritating,” Honnold later said. "Because…

I’ve spent 25 years conditioning myself to work in extreme conditions, so of course my brain is different—just as the brain of a monk who has spent years meditating or a taxi driver who has memorized all the streets of a city would be different."

Honnold says that, if anything, it is his preparation that is abnormal.

For years, for instance, Honnold was afraid of El Capitan—a 3,000-ft rock wall in Yosemite.

“I’d drive into Yosemite,” he said, “look at the wall, and think, ‘No way. Too scary.'”

So, “to gradually expand [my] comfort zone,” Honnold said, he climbed El Cap hundreds of times with a rope.

Then on June 3, 2017, Honnold became the first to climb El Cap without a rope.

Takeaway 1:

Honnold is right: No one comes hard-wired with the ability to abnormally respond to fear stimuli.

There is a body of research supporting the fact that emotions like fear are shaped by prior experience.

Dr. Lisa Feldman Barrett writes in her bestselling book, How Emotions Are Made:

"Your past experiences…give meaning to your present sensations.”

This means that fear and preparation are inversely proportional.

As Honnold puts it, “The level of fear depends [on] the level of preparation.”

Takeaway 2:

Before climbing El Cap without a rope, Honnold strategically expanded his comfort zone by doing incrementally harder and scarier climbs.

It makes me think of the big wave surfer Laird Hamilton.

Laird regularly surfs 40-foot waves. So if he and I were looking at the same 10-foot waves—Laird would see small waves. I would see big, scary waves.

Your prior experiences, Laird says, shape your current perceptions.

If you want to make your stressors or problems seem smaller, Laird says, conquer bigger stressors and problems.

If you want the massive waves to seem more manageable, gradually surf bigger and bigger waves.

If you want the confidence that you can climb a 3,000-ft rock wall without a rope, climb it hundreds of times with a rope.

“If something seems really scary, I either put in more time preparing or I just don’t do it.” — Alex Honnold


Here’s a link to the “Free Solo” Documentary (…) I also quoted from this Alex Honnold interview (…) Here’s a link to “How Emotions Are Made” by


( And the Laird Hamilton reference is from this interview (…)

For me part of the preparation is emotional. And part of it is taking small steps to build my preparation.

This astounding feat I heard about before… but not the 100 climbs that preceded it with a rope. So… we often see people doing things that feel astounding to us, or immensely uncomfortable to imagine doing on ourselves! Yet… how much prep went into them?

Interesting, eh?



Thanks Rick I really appreciate this perspective and your sharing of your thinking and resources.

1 Like

This is me today. I was courageous and went to a community bbq. It went ok but I managed to stress out a lot prior and am ruminating a bit after. Very pleased to have stumbled on this graphic just now, made me laugh. Maybe I can focus on the achievement :slightly_smiling_face:


Nice Kate! It’s interesting when I’ve ruminated in the past to explore “Hmmm, I am curious how I look at this, the frame of reference I’m using, to even be concerned about this?”

The “I need everyone to like me (or at least not hate me)” thought used to come from my primitive brain… and the trauma of being picked on. The frame of “I wonder (curiosity again) who might I feel (and they feel) a mutual feeling of wanting to get closer now?”

Very different frame, very different way the energy is processed and flows in my body. Almost like changing the ZONE that my being is operating in…


I love this Rick. Thank you.
I also really appreciated this workshop. I only got to listen to it today. Something called me to it and I’ve done it finally. It’s been on my mind to do so. What really resonated for me - one of the things anyway- was the muting of the wanting. The funniest thing is that I went out on an improv adventure today. Not feeling the best. But decided to go anyway. And there was a lot of beauty to the day. And I also carried something sad and heavy. But it took a while to get out there because my ‘wanting ‘ is often unclear and overwhelming. And I get quite triggered when others know exactly what they want and get very excited about it and committed to it without much thought or concern at all. I think I know crave that innocent joy, ease and sweetness of truly wanting a simple thing and being able to enjoy it when I do it or receive it.
All of these words are actually ones I didn’t know were going to come out. I was thinking something else initially. So interesting. But it’s hard to know what it was now after all these other thoughts.


Thank you for sharing that, Nicole. Helps me tune to the curiosity session we’re doing Tuesday.

I believe comparison sucks the curiosity out of me. Curiosity is so… personal, unique… like what we each find beautiful in the moment (or appealing) varies so infinitely.