So looking forward to engaging with you to clear confusion and each of us get our own deeply personal YES.
Our next Real Skills Workshop brings us back to our core clarity so we can know what is right for us – even when there’s fire on one side and ice on the other. Cathy and I hope you’ll join us!
Emotional Freedom is grounded in our own unique clarity and the inspired actions that arise from that clarity. And yeah, right now that can be HARD – so let’s do it Together!
Have you ever been PUSHED into making a decision? Pressured into a course of action?
Doesn’t feel very emotionally free, does it…
Long ago I decided that if I was being indecisive that there was something wrong with me. I’d ask all these questions like: What’s wrong with me? Why am I so scared to decide? Why am I procrastinating?!?!?
Well, that sucked. Seriously.
Because in my world – especially in my emotional world – there’s nuance. Trade-offs. Balances between safety and freedom. There’s soothing my primitive brain enough so I can actually THINK rather than knee-jerk my way through life!
So… I’ve evolved my strategy. Rather stressing to be “decisive” all the time which cuts off all other options and perspectives, I seek clarity.
Clarity explores what matters to us – heart, mind, spirit --personally as well as in family and community. It seeks to act from calm and confidence so the steps feel congruent and Right for Us NOW… rather than forced.
Clarity even allows for a powerful pause when that is the right “action.”
Our next Real Skills Workshop brings us back to our core clarity so we can know what is right for us. Cathy and I hope you’ll join us!
Emotional Freedom is grounded in our own unique clarity and the inspired actions that arise from that clarity. And yeah, right now that can be HARD – so let’s do it Together!
When you spoke these same words on yesterday’s Tapping Circle I could feel them resonate SO deeply in me. My nervous system perked up!! A lovely bit of wisdom and a vital recalibration is how it feels to me. It’s been on my mind since then and I feel the concept is slowly moving through me and altering my behaviour in that regard. Thank you Rick.
Here’s something that I just wrote on a guitar forum I belong to…I think it mirrors what you have said in some ways. Clarity comes from curiosity…decisiveness is often driven by the primitive brain’s need for certainty.
I’ve learned not to get invested in any ideology. Ideologies often end with the suffix ‘ism’. In my opinion that’s put there as a red flag…a warning. User beware!! Beware of what? Well, primarily beware (be aware) of ‘context’ because that’s where you will discover where your particular ‘ism’ is no longer valid or useful or even perhaps harmful. So, I do my best to not get invested in any ideology. My interest is in good ideas (not ideologies) and they can come from a broad spectrum of what people may want to give labels to but I’m not particularly concerned with those labels…those ‘isms’. That’s the road I attempt to walk for better or worse.
Invest in curiosity rather than certainty…
Stay curious my friends…
We welcome your insights, ah-ha’s, and sharing. Please! Click [Reply]
Click for Computer Generated Transcript
Confused?! What if nothing is wrong?
[00:00:00] Welcome confused. What if nothing’s wrong? We’re going to be talking tonight about a new approach for dealing with confusion. I’m Rick from thriving. Now I’m here with Cathy. Vartuli from thriving now and the intimacy dojo.com. I’m happy. I know that. As people that are very solution oriented. Um, and when you and I were talking, there’s a lot of pressure.
[00:00:34] Isn’t there to be decisive, have an answer, the right answer. The one and only answer immediately tomorrow, yesterday. No, not tomorrow. Yesterday. I should’ve anticipated that this question would come up and already had my ducks in a row. Um, I think it’s just, our culture is very much that there’s a lot of, um, A lot of accolades given to people that can make quick decisions on the fly.
[00:01:06] Like while people are shooting at us or whatever, we see movies where they’re able to make like, oh, you jumped in, caught the car or whatever. I don’t know lots of fast decisions too, to keep up with what’s going on. And I think we’re also conditioned in our lives are like when we’re coming up, our parents get impatient.
[00:01:27] Uh, little kids can take two hours to find the right shirt. Mom and dad are like, we’re late. Come on. Just make a decision, any decision. Um, so there’s, we’re not really taught to tolerate the feeling of confusion. And I think we’re also, we learned to associate it with the there’s something wrong or bad or lacking about ourselves.
[00:01:49] If we’re feeling this feeling that we’re not complete until we make a decision, uh, as opposed to, I believe that there’s a beautiful gift in. Some of my best growth ever has happened when I could just sit with that feeling of confusion and let myself discover who I was and what I wanted, as opposed to using my brain, to leap to what I needed to do next and constant doing.
[00:02:15] And it’s challenging to do that too. For me. What makes this a real skill? Is that. The default way that most people deal with confusion is to go into their primitive brain. That, uh, I was an expert at that. Um, the primitive brain can make decisions, um, but it makes it from a very narrow standpoint. Like you said, it’s very reactive, it’s reactive.
[00:02:46] It’s reacting to the pressure, the uncertainty, the discomfort of being in that place, the external world, how we’re conditioned all the tests we had to take as children. And, you know, that sense of being on the spot all the time and needing to know. And I think one of the biggest traps there is people talk all the time about how they repeat the same mistakes over and over again.
[00:03:13] And when we’re letting our primitive brain drive things, it’s going to react to experiences we had when we were three or five. And we’re going to repeat the same pattern because it’s decided that I can never leave this. It’s never safe to try something new. I’ve got to try to overcome this, or I’ve got to react the way I did when I was a three-year-old and yet many of us want to have our world be bigger and be different and more empowered who are starting premise for a real skill is okay.
[00:03:46] I feel confused. We know what that feels like. And the skill is saying, oh, well, what if there’s nothing wrong here? What if this is a portal, an opportunity. Um, and even that I start building up over time, the skill of recognizing that, you know, I know that if I allow myself to go through a process here that what will come to me very intimately, very personally will be something that might feel like surprisingly deep and right, for me, wisdom or a course, and a course of action, or even inaction in this moment.
[00:04:31] Or this day, this week that won’t feel like procrastination it’ll feel like I am congruent with being here calm and confident and clear and not taking action, not doing something that most people would call a decision I’m operating from a place of clarity. And that I know resonates with my wellbeing, with a thriving life and with other people who.
[00:05:07] At least are interested in not living life by their primitive brain, that the concept is not repulsive to them. That like I can imagine I can fantasize that someone would be like, no, wait a minute. You know, if I’m confused, all I need to do is I need to be able to get to them my decision right away. And these people don’t know what they’re talking about.
[00:05:30] Bye bye. Um, because that’s not what we’re talking about here. We’re going to be engaging around the real skill on emotional skill, using emotional technology to get you to a place that you will recognize yourself in. You’ll recognize that, oh, this actually. The clarity that I have in this confusing space embodies what’s what matters to my heart and what needs to be extensible in my head that it takes into account my resource or lack of resource.
[00:06:09] And I haven’t come to it from a place where I’m being, um, pressured to be something that I’m not, or to do something that I am not clear and congruent with yet. Uh, if that appeals to you, I invite you to quiet your phone for a bit. Uh, if you’re watching the replay pause when you need to. And, um, I’m excited because as I’ve practiced, as I practice this skill, when confusion rises, which is about every hour or some days, um, of doing it a little differently, Instead of letting the primitive brain go, there’s something wrong.
[00:06:51] I need to solve it or fight it or whatever. I dropped her a different place. And Kathy is really good at this. I’ve seen her watched her in very like even heart wrenching situations or extremely challenging life situations. And there’s w I’ve I’ve noticed in you a real desire to come from that place that you, you recognize that that’s where you, you want to live and come from.
[00:07:24] Whether it’s a decision about, you know, your, your deer cat, um, or about other changes that you may or may not want to bring up during our call during our session. Yeah. And I think that you’ve taught me a lot too. It’s like, how can I be with the sensation? Is it tolerable enough for me to be with that confusion long enough to reach, reach a new, new way of being and.
[00:07:53] When we’re in reactive mode, when our survival rate is very much in control, we will fight flight or fight or freeze when we feel this confusing feeling. So what fight might be like is like, I’m just going to make a decision I’m declaring I’m right. And this is the way we’re growing. And that tends to be very rigid.
[00:08:13] The people that make a decision like that, there’s not a lot of room for pivot or adjustment. They’re just a bull in the China closet, running full steam ahead to try that. Like they’re, they’re, they’re fighting, but they’re kind of. One one paced and there’s not much flexibility. Like, oh, I thought that would work.
[00:08:31] It’s not working so well, let me look for something else. Um, and when we’re afraid, we tend to make, sometimes we’ll make really quick decisions. The F the flee, well, like make a panic decision, um, which is very, uh, to me it’s very high pitched is not necessarily in my best interest or the best interest of whoever we’re deciding about, but it’s like, I’ve got to make a decision quickly and run away from this feeling of confusion.
[00:09:01] Or I might add. I have a dear friend who’s struggling with taking care of some financial stuff. And she alternates between fleeing where she like, won’t even talk about it. She wants she’ll like she ignores the problem or tries to get someone else to make the decision for her or tries. She’ll make a quick decision.
[00:09:21] That’s not relevant. It doesn’t really it’s like, I don’t think that’s really a good idea. And then sometimes she just freezes and just sits there and like is stuck with it for awhile. It’s really, I feel a lot of compassion and it’s just not how I don’t believe. The best decisions are going to come out of fight flight freeze.
[00:09:42] They’re not flexible. They’re not. Um, self-aware and I think on the other side of confusion is there’s a treasure trove. So anytime we’re learning something new or experiencing something new or often confused. So if you’ve never played chess before, and someone puts a chess board in front of you, there’s that feeling of uncertainty and confusion?
[00:10:04] I don’t know what, which one goes diagonal in which one goes up and to the left and it’s confusion. And if I can be with that confusion and keep trying and keep exploring, I might discover that I’m actually really good at. Or that there’s that, or maybe I discover, I don’t like chess. It doesn’t matter.
[00:10:26] But if we can go through that confusion of who can be with it as an engineer, people will come to me with new problems and they’ll hear you figure it out. You’re the feeling of that? Oh yes. I I’m noticing that like, oh, cause as soon as we’re aware that there’s another way I’m recognizing, like I’m not going to be perfect at this.
[00:10:50] I’m definitely going to make, get confused and make primitive decisions at times I, I have this week, you know, and the nice thing is is that if our being knows another way and tapping is designed to let us acknowledge something and reinforce a pathway, an energetic pathway, Um, would you be willing to lead us in some tapping for the F what you brought up the fight flight freeze way that, yeah.
[00:11:26] Who hasn’t I’ll I’ll I’ll do that again. Yeah. And I love how you often talk about it’s. How quickly do we recognize it and, and how resilient are we? It’s not that we’re never going to, we’re not going to go into fight flight or freeze it’s how quickly can we say, oh, I was doing that. Can I pause? Can I re readjust?
[00:11:46] So I’d like to invite you if you’re willing. I know it’s not always comfortable, but think of a time when you felt confused and just notice that feeling in your body, like, how did you know you were confused? It’s not always a fun feeling. Take a nice deep breath, karate chop, even though I don’t like this feeling, even though I do not like this feeling.
[00:12:10] And I was taught that it means that I’m incompetent. Out. And I was taught that it means that I’m incompetent and I need to move quickly and I need to move quickly and either need to fight this. I either need to decide and fight it. Alright. And panic decided to flee or panic, decide and flee or freeze or freeze.
[00:12:41] What if there’s a new way of being with this? What if there is a new way of being with us? What if there’s a way to find more wisdom for my life? And I would really like to find more wisdom for my life. Top of the head. This feeling does not feel good. Being confused does not feel good. I REL I was not taught to tolerate it.
[00:13:05] I was not taught tolerate it. I was taught, it was intolerable. I was taught, it was intolerable pod. It was intolerable under the eye. What if it’s the very feeling of growth? What if it’s the very feeling of growth under the nose? And I’ve been running away from a thing that could guide me towards my growth edge and I’ve been running away from the thing that could guide me toward my growth.
[00:13:34] When I’m uncertain on certain Halliburton, I’m open to new information. I am open to new information under the AMA open to a new way of being. I could be open to a new way of being top of the head learning to tolerate this feeling. Learning to tolerate this feeling. Maybe the golden key, maybe a golden key to discovering myself, discovering myself, just take a nice deep breath and notice the times that you feel quite certain, because you’ve either done this a bunch of times, or someone has taught you how to do something.
[00:14:18] There’s usually not a lot of awareness or flexibility. You’re not looking for a different way to be in mentions are not usually going to happen when we’re certain of how to do something, discovering new ways of living our lives. You’re not going to happen when we feel very certain. If we’re calm and with the uncertainty, we’re willing to see new solutions, different ways of, of exploring the world.
[00:14:47] We’re emotional freedom coaches. Energy in motion is emotion. We give it a label sometimes, but it’s also a felt sense. That’s what Kathy invited us to do is to remember a time when we were confused, how it uniquely expresses itself in our body. And that can change from situation to situation. Cause confusion, energetically is, um, chaotic.
[00:15:13] It can lead to things like analysis paralysis, like I’m a good thinker. So I’m going to think, think, think, think, think, think this. And I’m not actually making any decision, but I’m running this energy of chaos in us. Um, It’s so anytime that we’re confronted, confronted, yeah. It feels like it’s a primitive brain kind of, oh, I’m confused.
[00:15:42] What’s the noise or confusion. You could try that on for yourself. That was my noise of confusion. I bet you’d love to be around that for like hours at a time.
[00:15:55] I’ll stop there because it’s upsetting to have the noise of confusion. Um, and that’s where again, like EFT tapping and if you’re new to it, thriving now.com/tapping re guide, um, pause and go do that. Or, um, just tap along with us, it’s designed to acknowledge, and we know that recognizing the awareness and recognizing what’s going on inside of it.
[00:16:30] In itself is very powerful. The person that’s pretending that they’re not confused. If they had a safe person like Kathy to say, Hey, I’m feeling really confused. I have said that to her. And it feels good just to say it like, oh, okay, well now it’s out. And then the tapping can help us quiet the noise I’d like to do just to a noise quieting tapping that might work, um, feel free to change the words, even though confusion makes a lot of noise.
[00:17:07] Even looking vision makes a lot of noise. I do not like this energy. I do not like this energy. I don’t like what it does to my brain. What it does is my brain. I don’t like what it does to my body. I don’t like what it does to my body. What if that sort of a stuck pattern? What does that sort of a stuck pattern?
[00:17:29] How do I typically react to confusion? How do I typically react to confusion? How would I like to react to confirm? I
[00:17:45] wonder if I could re I could react by calming myself. I wonder if I could react by calling myself eyebrow quieting the noise, quieting the noise, just turning down the volume on the sensation, turning down the volume on this sensation. I do not have to decide for at least five minutes. I do not need to decide for at least five minutes.
[00:18:13] Take a breath, take a breath. I let gravity.
[00:18:22] I like gravity. Dude’s thing.
[00:18:28] Pick a calmer breath. I take a calmer breath under the arm. I activate some of my resourcefulness. I activate some of my resource for this, not just the problem solving parts of me, not just the problem solving parts of me, the parts of me that know what matters to me. It’s a parts of me that knows what matters to me in my core,
[00:19:03] as we need to stay with a calming sometimes, um, you know, my, my partner gems said. Sometimes the Dera just gets confused and she needs to cry. And like, and I’m embracing that if that’s part of what you need to do for a moment, um, I’m going to give myself permission to do that. If that’s what I need to do to kind of let some of the built up energy.
[00:19:38] And, but then the skill again is to recognize, oh my, I am in, um, and it’s time I choose to quiet the sensation. If you do that even a little bit, your primitive brain recognizes something. It says, oh, This is not a life or death emergency, right. This red hot minute. You’ll notice I gave like five minutes.
[00:20:09] You could say 30 seconds. Um, you, you let your primitive brain know that it doesn’t have to drive you right now. And it may go like, are you sure? Yep. I do not have to make a decision right. This minute. I don’t have to clear the confusion right now. And then once you’ve calmed down, there’s there’s like, I believe a step of asking some better questions, Kathy, or there’s some questions that you, I have some, but are there some questions that you, yeah.
[00:20:44] And I just, one thing I want to emphasize that what you said. Our survival brain likes to have decisions made. It doesn’t know the difference between a saber tooth tigers about to eat me. And I need to decide to run right or left. And I should, I need to decide as, as, uh, Jean shared in the chat, I don’t have to decide if I should talk to someone or not.
[00:21:06] And maybe that doesn’t need to be decided today. I got a lot of that out of my cat. Molly was very ill the last six months that she was alive. And I didn’t know if keeping her, if I should have someone put her to sleep or if I should be with her. And it was literally every hour, especially the last few months was like, how about now?
[00:21:29] And just feeling into it and being with. It doesn’t feel like yet and waiting for that clarity. And she ended up passing that our own half an hour before the vet got there. Um, but it was, it was months of this. And I would check in with Rick, I would ask for support. Um, I had a vet, she, she got a vet visit for over zoom, um, from Holland.
[00:21:51] Uh, Rick knew a very good holistic vet from Holland. So like some of the questions I asked myself when we’re confused and we’re not moving ahead, it could be like, is there knowledge I’m missing? Is there something I need to look up? Maybe I just don’t have enough information to know whether I should go right or left or call a friend or not call their friend or put this cat to sleep or not, or buy the car or not.
[00:22:19] Um, And I really liked talking through things like Rick is one of my favorite sounding boards. Cause sometimes it’s just telling him about it. I’m like, oh, or he’ll point out something. And I’m like, oh yeah, of course that’s really easy. Um, because when we spin in our heads, it’s not as clear. Um, so having that support the time I love Rick’s analogy of it not being a right banana.
[00:22:44] Um, maybe we’re confused because there’s not an, you know, like it hasn’t ripened yet. It’s like, oh, now’s not the time. And having compassion because making decisions can be real. Like putting Molly to sleep was really, really sad. I, I had her for 22 years. She was my buddy. And so sometimes the decisions we make, they may be the right decisions, but there may be grief or sadness or loss and like, do, can I have some compassion for myself?
[00:23:13] Can I be there for myself through this really challenging thing? So know those are the things I know like to ask myself is what thoughts do you have? Right.
[00:23:28] Those are really powerful. Um, and the chat is open as well as, um, if you’re watching the replay, you can, you can leave a comment. Um, Because part of this is the shared wisdom of what questions bring me clarity. And for me, part of clarity is recognizing that sometimes a part of me is trying to solve or reconcile something that is much more nuanced.
[00:24:02] Um, so it’s like, well,
[00:24:15] what matters to me that I used to be very externally focused. I think many of us may say almost all children are born with an external focused clarity for me as a intimate internal I go within, I’m not necessarily alone. In inside of me lives the love and caring of people that I’m connected to my spirit buddies.
[00:24:49] Um, there’s a, there’s a going within a, like what the noise that’s out there. Um, am I trying to decide as if there’s a right and wrong here? I, I, what matters to me in life is emotional freedom. And so one of the things that I do a lot of tapping with clients who are in vulnerable places, let’s say they’ve just gotten a cancer diagnosis and they’re honestly, and truly confused because they have different doctors that have different attitudes and every friend that they happen to mention this to.
[00:25:35] Has their own very decisive. You have to, you must, you know, it becomes very noisy, very quickly for a lot of people. Not everyone, the ones that it doesn’t become noisy for, it are really blessed because, um, it’s a very vulnerable place to have a diagnosis and be looking for treatment. And one of the things that I’ve noticed is that when a person goes within themselves and starts exploring, like what matters to my heart, what matters, what kind of experience am I up for physical?
[00:26:26] And not in my fear, like, but there’s a, there’s a knowing in quiet as we quiet down, we can know and feel for something that is right for us. And something that is up on pause. It’s not clear yet. And we can feel something that maybe a really we’re we’re we know that it’s going to be a hard journey, but intimately we can know that it’s right for us, that isn’t resolving confusion.
[00:27:00] To me, it is going to a place where clarity is found. It’s tapping into resources that aren’t are not coming from their primitive brain. I’ve apologized to Kathy. She’s asked me something sometime, and I know that I’ve come from my primitive brain and I’ll try to catch myself. And I said, Uh, I kind of went off there.
[00:27:27] Didn’t I, I know, you know, I don’t do it that often. It’s not my habitual pattern, but like in 14 years together, there are times when something is triggering to me and I’m coming from my primitive brain, um, with, with Molly and your cat. I wasn’t, I, I, I, I knew when you were in your clarity, cause you ring when you’re in your clarity, you ring.
[00:27:57] And I think that that’s part of us all getting the skill and the experience of like, oh, I have my clarity for right now. I have my clarity for right now. It may extend a bit of time in the future. It certainly has, uh, I believe, uh,
[00:28:24] if I get clarity that, um, I am going to do or not do for right now, and all of a sudden I get a big input of, um, have twos and sheds coming in and it makes me wanky. I start getting confused. The great news about clarity is it doesn’t have to be defensive. It’s like, oh, I’m confused. What do I do? I drop back into my clarity.
[00:28:52] I get right distance, right depth from the noise I do. The practices could be walking or meditation, tapping and, and grounding exercises, yoga, listening to some music and then getting to a place where we have something that feels. Like clear for now. This is what’s right for me for now. I think in some ways it’s like a meditation as we walk through life, like what is right for me right now?
[00:29:26] How about now? And I love that you emphasize the pause. Like there are times when we want to make a quick decision, we want to have this resolved. And if it’s not clear, can we just pause and breathe and be with it? Is it’s a it’s I imagine one of the toughest things to learn, because it sounds simple, but it’s not easy.
[00:29:49] Oh, well, we can do that. We have a lot of power in our, in where our life ends up versus where ping-ponging off of everything that happened to us. And oh, that reminds me of that old trauma. And that reminds me of that. And I’m just trying to jump from one decision to another, to never have to be in that discomfort.
[00:30:11] And if decisions are a struggle,
[00:30:20] one of the reframes can be, what am I clear about right now?
[00:30:31] Something that matters to me and what moves me, or keeps me grounded in that place. So if my wellbeing and survival matter to me, what is it in this, in this menu of possibilities allows me to take or stay in a place where I feel grounded in my wellbeing, or it moves me in that direction.
[00:31:02] And, and again, like our. I’m not arguing with culture. I’m not arguing with decisiveness. It’s a great skill. Um, and I think it, it gets applied to things like our health and our wellbeing, our business, our life, our relationships that are a bit like I’ve decided that on Sunday, it’s going to be sunny and 71 degrees and it will not rain all day long.
[00:31:32] It’s it’s Hey, wait a minute. It’s a Tuesday. And you’re deciding that Sunday. It’s going to be, and that’s where the primitive brain doesn’t leave room for from yesterday. Yes, TSTs it doesn’t leave room for clarity. It needs a place to run a place to defend a place to insist a place to hide. It really. Or someone to hide and fond to it really does.
[00:32:04] Like, those are his choices. And, um,
[00:32:14] yeah, I think that if we’re feeling depressed and we’re having trouble making decisions, there’s a wisdom in that. We, I mean, most of us, I don’t think people try to stay depressed, but in the moment, if we’re depressed making this decision, like if I’m living in my cave and take us back 30,000 years, and I decided to go out and gather when I’m already emotionally or physically drained, I don’t have the resources to take care of some of the things that are happening.
[00:32:44] So me being more passive and having trouble to sit deciding is actually a way for me to be safe. It’s like, oh, I’m going to be quiet. And still right now something’s happening. Some, either old trauma, chemical imbalance something’s happening. So my, my system is not operating at peak performance and leaving and making decisions and taking action.
[00:33:07] I mean, deciding from the best place, or I may not have the resources to follow through with the decisions I made in a way that’s really nurturing for myself when I’ve had, I’ve had periods of my life, where I was really depressed. And I spent a lot of those times beating myself up for being depressed and not feeling better.
[00:33:25] And I wish I’d had a little more compassion for myself. Like, oh, this is actually a survival mechanism. Then I’m having trouble making decisions. It’s actually really, really smart in this moment for me to stay a little more still. And I get that our culture is not someone like, oh, you’re having a rough time.
[00:33:43] Just take your time getting over it. Our culture is like, come on, like you broke your leg, walked enough, come on. Um, so like, and that’s our culture, right? Can we do it? Can we do a tapping on like that? Um,
[00:34:02] that when we start getting that feeling that there’s an opportunity there, even though it, it seems to go against our conditions.
[00:34:15] Yeah, I think it’s not like that when we get, which neither the, are we talking about? It goes back to what if there’s nothing wrong? I’m confused, but what if there’s nothing wrong? Yeah. So nice deep breath, karate chop, even though I sometimes feel very confused, even though sometimes I do feel really confused and I feel like there is something wrong with me and I feel like there’s something wrong with me and I have to fix it right away.
[00:34:45] I have to fix it right away or else. What if there’s nothing wrong?
[00:34:56] There’s nothing actually wrong. What if in this moment I don’t have clarity. What if in this moment, I definitely do not have clarity. And my body is recognizing that. And my body is really aware of that. South of the head, I’ve been taught that a good person would make a decision right away. Hey, good person will make a decision right away.
[00:35:22] I wrote, I should, I should know the absolute answer inside of the eye. I should have known you were going to pose this question to me before you even said it, you should know you were going to pose this question before you even, and the, I feel ashamed that I don’t know. I feel ashamed that I don’t know the answer.
[00:35:46] I feel ashamed that I don’t know the answer under the nose and that’s old conditioning and that’s old conditioning, 10. Some of, uh, some of us had parents and teachers are really overwhelmed. Unless had parents and teachers who were really overwhelmed and overwhelmed people sometimes blame those around them and overwhelmed people do blame those around them.
[00:36:10] They say, you should have known, you should have known top of the head. How can you not make a decision, not make a decision around what’s wrong with you? What is wrong with you side of the, I grow up and make a decision and make a decision under the eye. And you can answer them now and say, I’m growing up and I’m going to be with this confusion.
[00:36:37] I am growing up and I’m going to be with this confusion. That’s what’s right for me for right now. I’m not sure, but right now, I’m not sure. And I may never even be sure collarbone. I can just breathe with this confusion. I can breathe with this confusion under the arm and see what solution the universe comes up with.
[00:37:05] Yeah. See what solution and perspective the universe can come up top of the head. I can even ask the universe for help. I could even ask the universe for help. So, uh, I just let’s. I love this tapping. I just want to leave work one quick round through this, if it’s okay. Rick karate chop. Hey universe. Thank you universe.
[00:37:29] I have some confusion. I have some confusion and I would love your help knowing what’s right to do. And I would love your help knowing what’s right to do. If there’s a decision I should make, if there’s a decision I’m to make, could you please give me a clear sign, please? Give me a clear sign. I’m talking neon sign.
[00:37:55] Uh, neon signs. Very visible. Yes. I robbed burning wishes can work. I can’t even say that one on any burning pushes leaning towards the neon sign. Definitely leaning. Third neon sign. Yeah. Are you supposed to run towards or away from burning wishes? No burning bushes.
[00:38:29] I appreciate knowing that I don’t need a burning, but I would really love you to send me a sign. I’d really love you to send me a sign. How about any for you to draw my attention to it and for you to draw my attention to it? Cause I can be a little bit slow at times. I can be a little slower and confused at times, top of the head I’d really love your help.
[00:38:54] So take a nice deep breath and sometimes asking that will help your brain notice when there’s clear signs that you should make a decision one way or the other, or that you’re being invited in a certain direction and sometimes not. But I love at least asking if we don’t ask then often the universe doesn’t doesn’t help us as off it.
[00:39:16] Like it’s not as clear our brains may not let the information in. I’ll be honest. I R I had a lot of resistance to that. Um, I think I’ve got a lot of experience where I’ve asked the universe for that kind of neon sign and it did it wasn’t coming. It wasn’t coming and wasn’t coming. And I wanted something decisive.
[00:39:38] I wanted something that made it so like the universe told me to do this and I am trusting the universe because I have the neon sign. There is no sign right decision to make here yet. And I love that and I can feel like I really appreciate those kinds of signs. Um, I fi I find, and again, like, this is a matter of style and personality and where your, where your susceptibilities are.
[00:40:12] One of the things that I all often need to do when I’m confused is to perceive it from. Another vantage point.
[00:40:25] That’s, what’s really helpful to me. That’s what I often pray and ask for because how, how might I see this in a way that gives me clarity in a way that helps me know, um, both the deeper and the broader and the more intimate perspective on what’s happening, because I’m not necessarily when I’m confused.
[00:40:52] If I’m trying to, again, like get to a decision. Um, there’s, I’m still trapped in, like now I’m using different thinking. I’m using my spiritual asking to try to make a decision, but there’s still like, um, I’m going from confusion to trying to make a decision. And for me, deciding is different than clarity.
[00:41:15] Clarity is more ecosystem. It’s more what matters to me? What is the step that I’m taking in the midst of a lot of other things that are happening? Um, there’s less defensiveness, which I have a tendency to do. Like if I, if the universe tells me here’s my neon sign, you do this well now I’m really invested because the universe told me this and that can feel to my body the same, the same way.
[00:41:43] Um, as, as Jean said, you know, sometimes the universe whispers and I like that. Um, Um, one of mine might be best if you’re willing to echo like I’m, I’m here and I’m confused in here and I’m confused eyebrow. I see the black and white. I see the black and white really feel the black and white in this. I really feel that black and white and LIS under the are I can’t reconcile the black and white can’t reconcile the black and white.
[00:42:17] I’m struggling with the black and white and struggling with the black and waivers and the right and wrong of right and wrong, the success and failure.
[00:42:32] And I I’d like a non primitive brain perspective from a branded perspective. Let’s see the ecosystem with more clarity to see the ecosystem with more clarity and my, and my place in it right now in my place in it right now, all quiet. And,
[00:43:04] and sometimes what I’ll get is on go for a walk, whisper, an impulse, um, deep clarity can be from, from step to step to step. Um, and one of the things I’m very grateful. Connection to a broader eat, you know, a broader Recology, a broader spiritual awareness is that I feel like our ecosystem takes into account a lot of different needs.
[00:43:46] Some of them competing, you know, um, some of the time they’re synergies that you’re not even aware of, right? The way that Fung fungi work with our trees and provide connection and communication underneath the earth is not, it’s not something that’s obvious until it is. And then when it is, you start noticing it, our connectedness, our.
[00:44:14] Below the noise. We can feel like, oh, this matters to me. And right now I’m positioned in a place where, what matters to me is lived experience. If you’re in a situation where, um,
[00:44:35] you have a lot of energy coming your way, that is not right for you, but what matters to you is clarity and emotional freedom. And you’re not needing to be belligerent or hiding. You can just be clear, like I’m really clear emotional freedom matters to me.
[00:45:02] I’m not saying it needs to be mattered to anyone else. It matters to me, safety respect. They really matter to me. And I noticed. Um,
[00:45:17] that goes into the skill of being calm and confident when I’m quiet enough, calmed my confusion enough, not solved it, not made it less uncertain, but there’s, there’s been a rising from our core of like, what really matters to me. What are the things that are part of bitter? So interwoven into what I, what I stand for, my integrity, that anything that I’m doing or saying, or wanting to be, I want it to rise from that place.
[00:45:52] Um, safety matters to me. So for example, I can get really clear inside myself, but not necessarily want to share it or feel guided to share it. Like sharing is a very intimate thing that can feel very confusing these days. Like to what extent we, we choose to share. You know, I have that client with a cancer diagnosis.
[00:46:15] Um, NATO did a lot of sharing out of fear, and now that she’s actually really living much more so in her clarity, there’s an awareness like, yeah. Um, I’m, I’m clear that some people are not the Thai not oriented in a way that they can be nourishing and helpful to me. Um, and there’s recalibration going on a lot of words there.
[00:46:48] Um, Reflect something. And then we’ll take a quick break and do some tapping with folks. Yeah. I think we’ve given you a lot of we’ve given you a lot of perspectives and it can be hard to pull that together. I really love when my clarity is spiritual and in my body and it aligns with what my brain knows.
[00:47:07] I think we were given brains for a reason. Um, and sometimes solutions are not always the most logical. So because we can think things that we could logic through, we might have already discovered. So it’s okay to like explore them and like find out more, be curious. We don’t have to jump on something. If we seen the neon sign, maybe it’s saying turn here or investigate this and see if it’s right for you.
[00:47:33] So, and when I feel in my body and I’m like, oh, this feels pretty good. I like to try it. Especially if it’s not a fast decision I have to make, I like to sit with it. I don’t have to the very instant it felt that it was right for Molly to, for me to call the vet for Molly. Luckily, she wasn’t suffering suffering.
[00:47:51] So I could like sit with it and I could call Rick and I could, I took a brief nap and I prayed about it because I wanted to make sure it wasn’t a, I think that sometimes what’s right for us changes we have free will. So what’s right in this moment may not feel as right. 10 minutes from now. So I’m looking for, I like solutions that are a little more long-term.
[00:48:14] So as we’re talking about this, he may feel like, oh, this is not like a clear ABC kind of thing. And it isn’t, it’s about feeling into each moment and being with yourself and not abandoning yourself when you feel confused. And when we come back for break, we want to talk a little bit about how you can build up this tolerance for this, the feeling of confusion.
[00:48:36] Because I think that when we’re not as reactive to it, we can kind of, I imagine it’s like, we’re kind of, instead of trying to run across the surface of the water, We’re letting ourselves sink through and discovering this whole new kingdom. And we’re like, oh, there’s all these other options that I couldn’t see when I was trying to run away from this feeling.
[00:48:58] And I think there’s a lot of magic in those spaces where we can just be okay. I felt I can be with my confusion. I can be with myself in this confusion. That’s going to be okay. And I can let the right answer, come to me and kind of evolve often. I really do believe the universe of horrors of vacuum. So if we haven’t made a decision, if we’re kind of being with it, somebody has some really amazing things come forward.
[00:49:26] So I’m excited to invite you to play with that space a little bit. You can pick a seven minute break. I’m going to go ahead and pause the recording. And if you’re listening to the recording, we invite you to take a break to.
[00:49:42] Uh, welcome back.
[00:49:47] Hopefully there was some, some, uh, things that you wanted to focus on before we bring her back. Um, when we’re not used to feeling ha feeling confusion or we’re associated with something we need to run away from, it can be hard to be there with those feelings. So one thing we can do is train our brain to realize it’s not so bad.
[00:50:09] And one of the ways you can do that is by brief, like, just like if you’re trying to do anything new, you don’t need to go to the gym for the first time for two hours and lift the really heavy weights and beat yourself up for not doing more. Instead, if you do just like sometimes I’ll just do 20 seconds.
[00:50:26] I’d like to be with this feeling and breathe for 20 seconds. And then I don’t, and I can distract myself for a little bit. Then I can come back and do another 20 seconds. All I’m doing is showing my survival brain. I can feel a little bit of that. And it’s okay. And I really try to notice that I’m safe when I do it, get myself some support, whether I give it or someone else gives it.
[00:50:47] And then I celebrate that. I did it. So it’s like, oh, okay. I’m going to be with this feeling for 20 seconds. I don’t, it doesn’t actually feel great, but it’s not actually harming me in any way. Hi, I did that. So now I have a little more resilience. I’ve taught my system. That 20 seconds is okay. Impulses happen when we don’t have any time for our cognitive brain to go in there.
[00:51:10] So even 20 seconds can give us a world of space to go, oh, I need to call someone for support, or I need to not make this decision right now, even though I want to. So maybe I better go distract myself and go watch Ted lasso. It’s my new favorite show. It has also, if you haven’t seen it highly recommended, but like it’s okay to like, you don’t have to just be there with it breathing.
[00:51:31] I didn’t spend six months with Molly just breathing in. I don’t know what to do, but I would check in pretty frequently and I would try to be really grounded. So it helped me build up this feeling of, oh, I can be with this feeling, the world isn’t falling apart. I’m not actually melting, even though it sometimes feels like it and I can deal with this.
[00:51:50] So it gave me some resilience around it. So
[00:51:57] one more round of invitation, inviting our body to. The, with the feeling being with it is like I’m with it and being open to it, the sensation palming, what I would call calming, not totally calm and gone and like still waters, but starting the trend from, from being like confusion can head into overwhelm and confusion can go into toward this clarity, a step toward clarity, baby, step toward clarity and calm.
[00:52:41] Yeah. Are you leading that or am I doing it? I’d love for you to, I’d like to hear what in my being what you come up with around that. Oh wait. None of us know until it happens. Karate chop, even though I’ve learned to run away from this field. Even though I’ve learned to run away from the feeling, especially like feeling infused.
[00:53:08] And I do not, especially like feeling confused. The truth is confusion. Doesn’t harm me.
[00:53:19] The truth is confusion. Doesn’t harm me. It’s sensation, it’s sensation. It’s an experience. It’s an experience. My stories around confusion make me scared.
[00:53:36] My story is about confusion. Make me scared. Top of that feeling confusion is just a feeling I wrote. I can get better. I feeling it. I can get better at feeling it Saturday. I, and my story’s about confusion makes me really scared. And my stories about confusion make me really scared under the eye, my fears around other people, people’s judgments, being new, scared here’s about other people’s judgments.
[00:54:11] Make me scared under the nose. This sensation is not actually harming me. Sensation is not actually harming me. I’m getting agitated because I think it’s scary. I’m getting agitated and overwhelmed because I think it’s scary. Hello, Ron? Not because this feeling is actually harming me stealing, actually isn’t harming me
[00:54:38] under there and I’d like to learn to be with this feeling like the one I’d like to be able to learn, to be with this feeling. I’d like to be able to learn to be with this feeling skillfully top of the head so I can find my own true clarity so I can find my own true clear. Let’s take a gentle breath. We often think a feeling a sensation is harming us because our survival brain is like that doesn’t feel good.
[00:55:08] I should run away versus, oh, it doesn’t feel good. And you know, like putting your hand on a hot stove, it doesn’t feel good. You should move your hand. You should run away from the hot stove. This sensation of emotions in our body is just a sensation. And when we’re with them, we often get to the other side much more quickly, and we’re not trying to get rid of them.
[00:55:31] They pass much quicker than we think.
[00:55:39] So there was a, there was a message in the chat. Um, it’s not off topic, um, personal Rhoda and I’m inviting us. Like there’s a concept confusion because you haven’t made a decision. And then there’s a way of living, which is I am exploring and finding my clarity and that tunes, my, who I am, my state of being.
[00:56:12] And I act, I will take an action, including the pause or the nap from that state of being, for me, the whole energy about decision. I saw someone say that the route of decide is to kill off any other option. It is to cut off, to, to cut off any other option. And when it comes to almost anything that matters to me, decisions are not really where I live.
[00:56:47] It’s like, what, what can I, who can I be right now? What resources do I have? What matters to me? What feels congruent, what actions feel congruent. Um, and it gets us out of the realm of decisions and right, and wrong and failure and success and, um, the loss of freedom. And like, there’s an energy for me. If I’ve decided to do something that I immediately in my, in my nervous system feels less free immediately.
[00:57:25] I’ve decided I am going to, I immediately feel less free. I feel bonded. And in bondage to that, the difference of like, I’m really clear that this would matter to me and that it’s worth taking a step and another step and another step. And. Like my morning mile, I think I’m on like coming up on day 300 in a row.
[00:57:56] And it was because I got clarity about things that mattered to me. I didn’t decide I was going to walk a mile every day because I assure you the freedom part of me would have strangled me almost to death to make sure that that didn’t happen pretty regularly so that I wasn’t feeling like I had to.
[00:58:18] Maybe that’s just me, I guess, that people that are attracted to emotional freedom, a way of being and taking inspired action, clarity and action is different from, um, decisiveness. And, um, there’s an energy, there’s just an energetic difference to me. Um, and there are times when, once we cut the tree down, The trees down, you can’t take a 200 year old Oak tree and cut it off.
[00:58:56] But if you reach that decision through clarity and you’re really congruent with that action, it, it feels to me different. It is one of those sacred moments where you won’t be going back to having this tree or this marriage or whatever it is, or your gallbladder, right. Or, uh, you know, there is a moment when you really have gotten the clarity that the next action is one that isn’t necessarily reversible, but you haven’t lived based upon, um, going in this direction and nothing is going to stop me unless I fail.
[00:59:40] Um, you’ve gone from step to say yes to yes. To, yes, the STS and then the tree. The, the, the gallbladder is out and I take a Knox. Yes. And a yes. And he asked and he asked him, yes, that is very different to me than staying well before the first 10 yeses. Well, I’ve decided to get my gallbladder out because that’s, you know, there, and for some people that works really well for their nature, it doesn’t for me.
[01:00:13] Okay. Um, would you,
[01:00:21] um, where does commitment come in? Um, for me, uh, I used the term devotion and devotion is, uh, is, is something that matters to me. I’m so clear. It matters to me that much, like I’m, I’m devoted to the kinship with cat. You all can feel it? No doubt. I do not have a commitment to me. A commitment is different than a devotional, a devotional relationship because it comes from a clarity of heart and mind and body about what matters and what’s worth cultivating.
[01:01:07] And what’s worth doing when it’s hard, what, you know, it’s stacked on things that matter rather than. You know, and again, I’m so freedom oriented for some people, commitment is where it’s at. Like, I will die on this hill. It’s till death do us part dammit. And please let it come soon. Um,
[01:01:37] yeah. Yeah. I think there is a big difference with a commitment to me means I am declaring now for all the way in the future, versus I’m really getting clear on what I want in the world. And that may look different later. Next week. My caring, I in fact have bought him a couple times. I bought him birthday gifts that I kept for myself because I lived, they were better for me and he still loves me.
[01:02:01] So, um, it’s like. Uh, that may be weird, but it’s like, we love each other and we’re there for each other. We want the best for each other and that’s not like I promise to show up every day at six o’clock and call. That seems more rigid to me versus how, how does it feel right. For me to show my love to. And it might be, oh, I know.
[01:02:22] He’s really busy. I’m just going to, I’m going to just send him love from here quietly. Or it might be, I’m going to get on the plane to give him my left kidney because he needs it. Like, you know, we have different, it can be in the moment what’s needed and I like that kind of flow better. So I’d like to work with our volunteer.
[01:02:40] Yes. I’m going to ask you to unmute. Is it, am I saying. His conduct. I was doing great at the beginning of this until I stepped on a landmine feelings came up, they kind of exploded on me
[01:03:03] already. There it is good. Um, and I, I mentioned in the chat that I, um, realized recently that I was creating confusion for myself by, um, just over-committing signing up for challenges, signing up for this thing and that class and this class, and just spreading myself way too thin. And that created a lot of stress in case.
[01:03:31] I love that you brought this up because confusion can also be a way we can control and avoid feeling things. Because if I’m confused, I can’t make decisions. I can’t, I don’t, I can’t, I’m so distracted by everything around me. I can actually feel me right now. Right. So, um, if you let yourself actually slow down, what do you think you might feel.
[01:03:55] Um, anger. I think what came up for me because Rick kept, kept saying right or wrong. And this is something that my mom would say to me that would just take away any decision I might want to make, because you’re, you already know what the decision is, what the answers can be. You’re not going to say something like well wrong because it wasn’t safe.
[01:04:25] It was the way that I kept myself safe growing up by just being really compliant. And in that I too was not taught how to make decisions. So it wasn’t until I was an adult that I was given the choice of making decisions. Um, And wasn’t very good at it. It was overwhelming. It was scary. I would get angry and the anger again was coming from this thing, this place with my mom and the trauma that I suffered earlier with.
[01:04:59] Could you, could, would it be okay if we cleared, uh, did a little happy and tried to clear some of that, that trauma. I really want to hang on to this. Okay. You certainly can. I was pretty sure, but I don’t want to ever finish. Um, so can you think of a time when she was like right or wrong and you were like this kid trying to like, oh, I gotta be compliant.
[01:05:21] Oh yeah. When she decided I was going to get married at 15.
[01:05:30] Thank you for being willing to share this and talk through this. Um, so how would it feel if you and I go about you as an adult and I go back to that 15 year. And what I’d like to do is have her, I’d like to hand her, have you handled this remote as a big red button in the Senate center? And when she pushes that it freezes your mom, it doesn’t hurt her freezes.
[01:05:52] Anyone else in the room, can she do that? We’re going to have Rick take your mom very gently by the elbows, lift her off and take her away. So she’s not right in front of you. Maybe you can do some gentle tapping on her if that feels okay. All right. So can we ask your 15 year old if she’s okay if she’d be willing to do some silly tapping stuff with us?
[01:06:15] Yes. Okay. So love for you to tap on yourself now, just like you normally would, but in your mind, just notice that that 15 year-olds tapping along to karate chop. Hey sweetheart. Hey sweetheart. I am so sorry. I’m so sorry. You should never have had to face this
[01:06:36] and I really get why you’re angry and I really get, while you’re angry. Right or wrong is not a good way to push people right or wrong. It’s not a good way to push people. And mom pushed hard and mom pushed hard about really big things about really big things. And you never got a chance to learn how to make decisions.
[01:06:58] And I never got a chance to learn how to make decisions. I have really good news for you. I have really good news for you. We made it through, we made it through, you were really smart back then. You were really smart back then and you got us through this and you got us through this top of the head. I know we don’t do so well with making decisions.
[01:07:21] So we don’t do so well making decisions I route. And there’s a lot of anger buried in here. And there’s a lot of anger buried in here side of the iPad because you were so smart, but because you were so smart under the eye and you got us through till now, and we got us through till now and then the nose, we get to learn how to do these.
[01:07:40] We get to learn how to do these things. Then you saved us. You saved us Howard, what? I’m so grateful to you, so great to you under the arm. And I’m so, so sorry. You had to face all that. And I’m so sorry. You had to face that top of that. I’ve come back through time. I’ve come back through time. I’d rather be here with you to be here with you now side of the eye and help you walk away from the space and help you walk away from space under the eye.
[01:08:11] I am so sorry. So sorry. Under the nose you deserve better. You deserve a better chin and I would love your help creating better. And I would love your help creating better collarbone. It was really smart to be compliant back then really smart, to be compliant back then under the arm. And you don’t have to be compliant anymore.
[01:08:35] You don’t have to be compliant anymore. Top of the head. I love your power and your passion. I love your power and your passion. We can do this together. We can do this together and just take a gentle breath.
[01:08:50] You’re doing great. What are you noticing right now?
[01:09:05] Can you just put your hand on your heart and just breathe in that sadness for a moment?
[01:09:15] You have good reason to feel sad.
[01:09:30] Is there anything in that, that, that sadness would like to say?
[01:09:57] Would it be okay to do a little more happy with that, that 15 year old,
[01:10:04] he be tired. You are worthy and you are worthy. It’s okay. Now it’s okay. Now we did it. We did it. And you know what? You know what I realized, I’m not really good at making decisions. I’m not very good at making decisions. I distract myself really badly. I distract myself really badly. I’m wondering if you might be able to help me, I’m wondering if he might be able to help me because you have some clarity because you have some clarity.
[01:10:39] I had to bury it all those years ago. I had to bury it all those years ago. And I think we should reclaim it now. And I think we should reclaim it. Now. You knew what she was doing was wrong. You knew what she was doing was wrong. I probably, I love your clarity. I love your clarity side of the eye. We couldn’t hold onto it back then.
[01:11:00] We couldn’t hold on to it back then under the eye, it would not have been good. It would not have been good. He was so smart. You’re so smart, but it was never really gone, but it was never really gone collarbone. We can invite it back. We can invite it back under the, would you help me wheel this clarity?
[01:11:22] What’d you help me wheel this clarity top of that. So I don’t have to distract myself anymore, so I don’t have to distract myself anymore so we can make really good decisions together. We can make really good decisions together. Just take a gentle breath,
[01:11:40] just notice what’s your,
[01:11:45] does it feel angry? Like a hot doesn’t feel angry anymore and there may be some anger still in there and it’s okay. Like sometimes it’ll burble up as it’s healing. Just kind of like if you’ve got so splinters under your skin that I think because you have the cognitive, you understand what’s happening now, you can invite that part of you forward.
[01:12:10] And, um, I don’t know. Have you heard of reading? I have a session on, uh, body S body. Okay. So this was this, this is one of the best things Rick ever taught me. It was to me like keys to the kingdom, because I grew up with a very controlling father and I liked what he liked. I didn’t know how I, like I had a therapist asked me how I liked my scrambled eggs, how I liked my eggs in the morning.
[01:12:36] And I was like, however, the person I’m dating likes them and the therapist, like, no, how do you like? And I’m like, yeah, whoever I’m dating, if they like them scrambled, that’s how I like them. And he’s like, I want you to go home and try for five days, five, try five different kinds of eggs and see which, and it was so hard.
[01:12:55] It was like physically hard on my body. And, um, Rick has a, what do you call it? but he know when we’ve kind of morphed it a little bit since then, but it’s a basically calibrating your body to learn how your body signals yeses and nos and for people with have had that suppressed for a long time. I didn’t know how to listen until I calibrated that.
[01:13:19] Um, and I believe it’s in the circle. It’s in the center. Is that cheering? The body has buddy now, um, one of the member in one of the member libraries on out. It’s really powerful. Yeah. It can help you learn how your body signals this. And when we’ve had experiences where we had to repress that knowledge to me, it was like, oh my God, my body has been talking to me this whole time.
[01:13:45] And I think a lot of times pains and aches and other things going on come up because we’re just putting noise on it for so long. And it just keeps turning up the volume. As Rick says, it’s like a little kid going, I have to pee, I have to pee. And then it’s throwing a temper tantrum and our body’s like, why are you never listening to me?
[01:14:01] Um, but I really love that approach. And it gave me so much quiet clarity. Um, I couldn’t make decisions out of the top of my brain. I used to analyze forever and then I wouldn’t still didn’t know. And it just gave me a connection and a truth. And I would invite your, when you go through that, if you go through that to go through like invite your 15 year old, to be present with that so that she can help reclaim.
[01:14:26] Because I think there’s a lot of power there. I mean, I could feel this like passionate. I’m like, no, this is not right. Don’t do this to me. Kind of feeling, I don’t know if that resonates, but thank you, Cathy. How are you feeling? Yeah. Um, I feel a lot better at, like I said, I was surprised that kind of way, but also very happy that it did.
[01:14:50] Um, so I know it’s something that’s been blocking me. Yeah. But when we’re so busy and distracted, we don’t really use our time. Well, ours, we’re so busy running from thing to thing and we’re not doing any of the things and it’s not a very fulfilling life, not doing any of things well, so if you notice that pattern coming up, realize that there’s probably a part of you feeling scared about making a decision or feeling something.
[01:15:16] So that was really beautiful. Thank you for leaving the year. Thank you for your help or your hand. Okay.
[01:15:32] Thank you. And thank you all. Um, in the few minutes that we have just like to kind of look at the landscape again, Kathy reminded us that our, our body has communication for us that can help us make a decision. It can help us know, like, what is definitely not a yes, for us. We can start feeling into like, what is he asked?
[01:16:04] Um, that is clarity. When I talk about acting from clarity, it’s from the STS T yes. The no is an opportunity to pause and read and figure out sometimes to set a boundary to get right distance. So confusion. It’s an asking, um, someone put it in the chat, the body whispers before it shouts. Yeah. But if there’s a lot of shouting coming at us, if we’re not feeling in a safe place, it’s very hard.
[01:16:39] I believe my experience to hear the whisper. And if we know that there’s whispers the first time, and I love the look on your face, Cathy, like when you realize that there is information that is really good, useful, and surprisingly wise, that can whisper from your guidance system. And yes, sometimes it really is an N a or B decision.
[01:17:09] You know, you’re at an intersection, it’s either stay there or right. Left or go backwards. Maybe there’s a hundred other choices too, but like, it can feel like that’s your decision. I believe that more of a thriving life, one of the things that’s a real skill is thinking about thinking and feeling into what is a thriving life for me.
[01:17:33] And so if there’s a lot of confusion, if that’s not your sweet spot, what would be like for me, clarity, not just calm, but calm and confident. Like there’s, there are things that matters to me. There are things that rise up and I know it’s my job to go there. Sometimes you find people I’m really blessed. To, to have Kathy in my life and a few other precious people that helped me when I’m in that noisy place to drop back into a place where I’m calming and I can get that clarity they’ll even ask me without impatience.
[01:18:16] Well, what do you feel would be right for you? What’s your yes. Here? What matters to you? And they know me and they can reflect back to me. If we cultivate that for ourselves, then we can actually show up for another person because we know that a fast decision that comes from clarity will have a different feeling than a fast decision made from.
[01:18:41] Oh my God. I’ve got to decide now. You know, we’re going to get punished. We’re going to get pressured. What have you, do you understand? I hope that that’s a felt experience enough that we’re like, oh yeah, I know what decisions are like when I see other people make them. And when I make them, when they’re made from primitive brain, oh, you know, with just a little bit of skill and intention, I can start changing.
[01:19:11] Confusion is there’s nothing wrong, but it is a call. It’s a call, a little tug on the leg. It’s time drop in, drop in, drop into what’s right. And clear for you.
[01:19:31] Yeah. I just want to appreciate each of you for being here again. These are not the topics. Well, like a lot of people go to webinars or whatever. Like I want to make more money. I want to fall in love. I want to be a rock star in bed. These are the underlying skills that will let you be. You can still be a rock star in bed, like not a problem, but these underlying skills will give you the philosophy and the, the building blocks to create a thriving life, no matter what you’re facing and what’s going on.
[01:20:01] So, um, I just, I really admire people like you. And that’s one of the reasons I get out of bed in the morning is for people like you creating the world, I want to live in. And just thank you. And thanks Rick for co-creating this together. Thank you all. Um, you’re invited to,
[01:20:24] if it is clear that you’re wanting more of the experience of people seeking their own clarity, people leaving some space for others to explore offering what’s clear to them, but without that sense of, well, you have, if you don’t choose my clarity, then you’re wrong. Um, the space that we’re cultivating firstname.lastname@example.org, and I’m really grateful for those that are co-creating and cultivating that, but that’s, that’s a yes.
[01:21:07] in your other relationships, As you find people and, and they’re making, they’re confused and you invite them to, well, what in this matters to you and it may come out a little primitive brain knee at first. What makes that matter to you? Why is that dear to you? It’s a different way of being, and if we allow each other some space to get clarity, we are student teachers in my world.
[01:21:44] You know, we, those of us that are exploring this, our student teacher. And an opportunity to share is about to me creating a space where we’re less and less forcing people into primitive brain decision-making and punishing them and more for allowing enough space for people to live from a place of clarity.
[01:22:13] Well, we’ll find out and I’m glad I’m not alone.
[01:22:21] Thank you. Thank you all till next time. Bye.
- How pressure (external and internal) to DECIDE NOW can lead to decisions that are based in primitive brain…
- How hard it is to be with uncomfortable feelings, and with some skill we can… calm, confidence, and become clear about what matters to us right here, right now…
- The deep wisdom and right-for-me feelings that come with choices and actions and pauses made from clarity.
Body YES and Body NO , which goes through concepts and blocks people have to listening to body guidance and developing their intuition. We help you understand why you may not have learned this skill. Then we take you through some exercises and tapping to help you tune in and become aware of the immense wisdom available within each of us.
Great to have you on this journey with us!
Wow! And thank you. Confusion impacts all of us, and we’ve been programmed to be pressured into “deciding” – even if we’re deciding from a place of fear.
Emotional Freedom is sourced from Clarity – and clarity rises from calming the noise and tapping into what really matters and is our Yes right now.
This approach allows for… nuance. Re-perceiving. Flexibility. Resilience.
We hope you’ll join and tap along… and also share the questions and approaches that help YOU find clarity inside even when the world is chaotic.
Thanks for another great Real Skills workshop Rick and Cathy!! There were a number of things discussed that really resonated in me. For example: commitment vs devotion…potent!! And clarity vs decisiveness…potent again!!! And when I use the term ‘versus’ I don’t mean to imply that there’s necessarily a conflict between those concepts/behaviours but rather making important contextual distinctions between them and exploring the relationship between them. I realize they don’t need to be adversarial ‘positions’. For me those were a couple of really useful discussions.
Thank you for reflecting what was meaningful for you. For me, too, I am noticing that when I am coping with external triggers from the world at large – not always confusion but a trigger into Us versus Them – returning to clarity and feeling what I am devoted to (no matter what’s ‘out there’) has been useful. And it’s only been two days since the session!
I’ll state unequivocally that I am SO sick of ‘Us vs Them’…I’m heart sick with the extent of it. And I am aware of how easily baited I can be into that perspective myself…(and that can cause confusion for me). As we are inundated with various streams of ‘Us vs Them’ narratives it’s very easy for our primitive brains to be captured. It’s the ease of the capture that so disturbs me…the ease of the manipulation. As I’ve stated before my observation is that people will sacrifice(almost?) anything in order to experience the feeling of ‘certainty’, especially in extraordinarily anxious and uncertain times… and that’s the ‘prize’ that ‘Us vs Them’ has built into it.
So!! The remedy!!..the immunization to combat ‘Us vs Them’ during this ‘U vs T’ pandemic I believe is what was discussed in the last Real Skills Workshop and all the Concepts For Thriving in general. And learning some basic critical thinking skills would go a long way as well.
Oh boy that feels good to even simply read those words!..I can feel into that experience with an emotional thirst that wants to be quenched so fully. Thank you!