Thank you for the Birthday wishes. I had some good dinner celebrations with my sister & mom and had the weekend off work, plus an extra day I was not even expecting. So glad to have 3 days off - finally starting to feel slightly human again.
Offering yourself steadiness and solidarity sounds really good. I like that alot. One of the names I have been exploring lately for my “inner wise self” or “higher self” is “Fiercely-on-my-own-side, Jewel”. It feels like a deeper commitment to my own self-care - a kind of inner solidarity which seems really needed now.
Sorry that work has gotten harder and your plate feels over full. Same. So it’s understandable if we cannot write to each other here as often.
As far as my “vision quest” - well, I’m not sure if that is exactly the right name. Mostly what I’m doing is just creating a space and attempting to just sit with stillness instead of my usual pattern of forcing solutions and over-thinking things. Trying to practice “less control / more magic”. And I’ve been paying attention and writing down what inspiration comes to me. And doing some “Internal Family Systems” work (Richard Schwartz) in easy does it / gentle ways.
Take good care of you, and sending love & hugs:
Jewel
P.S. Attached are some notes I found on Facebook that hit that spot and made sense to me, so I thought I’d share them…
This morning I was tapping with Gus about dreading the huge pile of boxes waiting for me at work today (last night we received more new inventory and I already have about 14 boxes of candy to be bagged up for my section, but now there’s a shit ton of new crap to be received as well, and no place to put it all in our small store).
So I was complaining to Gus about dreading this shit-show, and for some reason I thought about Legolas & Gimli from the Lord of the Rings movie and how they kept a running kill count as a friendly competition during the war. I know it sounds morbid, but I love the Lord of the Rings and this idea of counting off boxes and celebrating each small win as I get the work done today (and being on the “Aragorn team”) brought some lightness to my heavy heart.
I don’t remember them talking about the Kill count, but you know, celebrating and ticking off boxes sounds fantastic and not morbid at all! I hope you slay them successfully!
I wanted to come on and let you know that I won’t be online much until mid November due to a range of reasons and so likely won’t be able to come on here and read and chat and connect. I will be thinking of you though and the circle no doubt and sharing my path with you all at times through energy and thought.
I had a moment the other day when I was walking in a new area and came across a really lovely street library. I looked inside and guess what- a book called Thr Art of Self Kindness. I haven’t yet looked inside- I’m like they sometimes!- but it is pretty to look at as it sits on my bookshelf at my front door when I come home and reminds me of our intention.
I also took a photo the other day on another walk of beautiful tree that I love whose flowers come in this season. Are they called flowers? I don’t know. They probably have a different name. Thought you might like to see them.
The pics on capability be capacity are quite helpful. I didn’t see them before.
Helps to clarify that capability is there. Even if capacity isn’t it. Something for the inner critic to see and understand when it starts telling me I’m Not capable because my capacity is limited….
Hello, I’m not sure what you mean? Nothing wrong with your chat/ our chat on my end? No feet in mouths from my perspective. I’m loving it as always and feeling grateful for it as always. I really enjoy reading your sharing and thoughts and experiences and sharing mine with you.
Is it because I said I will be unable to be online for a few weeks? I just wanted you to know. That’s all. I’ll be back after the 13th of November and I hope I am Totally fine the whole time, and in fact I hope I will be more than fine! I just wanted you to know that even though I may not be able to chat with you here that you may actually be energetically coming on walks with me. Same as Rick and Cathy too sometimes. In fact, I thought about walking on our gentle hike together today while I was walking and i smiled and my enjoyment of the moment and my walk deepened. I love all the imagery you are bringing to me.
have you ever done a big hike? I did one once for 5 nights and 6 days and I absolutely loved it. If I could turn back time I would start doing things like that in my late teens/early 20’s.
By the way. I can’t see so well these days for who knows what reason- rapid sight decline- and am just getting used to using reading glasses…. That aren’t always with me. So please forgive all my spelling mistakes and word inaccuracies!! I noticed heaps in my last message as I was going through it trying to understand what i said that left you feeling the way you expressed…. It’s funny and at the same time I hope it’s not too confusing! I’ll try to use my glasses more
The other thing I wanted to share with you is that I’ve been doing some meditations from the Insight Timer Self Belief Challenge recently. One for ‘you are enough’ and then one for ‘meeting the inner critic’. Seems to be a good combo for my mornings when I have woken early (too early really but I am getting used to it to some degree and grateful for the times I sleep longer) and head out for my sunrise walk when I can. Anyway, in doing that I also found a meditation called ‘A meditation for loneliness’. By Saskia Lightstar. Cool name hey? it’s a really good mediation for me in different ways but I particularly love it because she uses sound and music well to bring about the experience and explore and elicit the thought and energy shifts. But there is one song in particular in the middle that I love. And it really has been helping me feel Les alone when I feel alone. Because I really would love someone to walk with me in the mornings. Well, I think I would anyway, but also sometimes I connect to how wonderful it is to be out there just by myself being me doing whatever is right for me and not talking. I just have to help myself with that pattern/habit/ what eve of that feeling that pops up of maybe needing to be out of deep connection with myself and being disconnected with someone else . Does any of that make sense?
Anyway? Long story to say I think you’d like the song and probably know it and I will find what it is if I can and share it here.
Oh okay. I’m relieved. Thanks for letting me know. I had just written some stuff here that I was having a kind of “emotional vulnerability hang-over” about and wondered if maybe your not writing back for awhile was because something I said bothered you. Obviously not. But that is just my negative mind running the show too much.
I had a really exhausting day at work yesterday and then my manager had her cousin and relatives in the store lingering around after closing time and my coworker and I were so frigging ready to go home, but she was not making it clear whether she expected us to stay, or whether it was okay to cash off & go. I ended up leaving work in a kind of spikey way without saying good bye. But that lack of clarity around expectations after a super busy day was pissing me off. Just feeling abit burnt out and my mind is going into a “stinking thinking rut”. Glad I have a rest day today.
I love the music by Paper Planes. Very soothing. And I will check out the meditation later. Thanks for sharing.
Honestly I’m abit too fried to write much back right now, but hope you have a good break away from the internet for awhile and yes, I’m happy that maybe I will be with you energetically on our gentle hikes together, even without words for now.
Here are some images I stumbled upon recently that brought me some light and soothing energy…
thank you for sharing that Kristen neff meditation. I will certainly listen to it.
How is your land otherwise?
I am so tired and it is hard to be back. When I was away I was with a lot of people and I was working and busy and being pushed to my physical limits a lot. I surprised myself and am grateful and glad for my experiences and the time. I used a lot of what I have learnt here to get through and succeed and it felt easier because I was doing it with others and helping others and I taught kids skills of somatic work and breathing and understanding themselves and others that they expressed gratitude for.
Now the hard thing is being back in my normal life without people to be with and talk to and being in the physical recovery phase with lots of pain and tiredness and only my internal - lacking - motivation to care for myself and feeling like there isn’t much to look forward to in life unless I do all the work to plan and execute something and financially back those plans.
Anyway, sorry to be such an energetic bummer on my return!
I look forward to hearing from you - and anyone else who comes on this journey with us!
Hi Nicole - Glad you’re back. Your experiences sounds intriguing and interesting. Was this a temporary job or camp you went away to? Cool that you got to teach kids about somatic work and breathing! Sorry that it’s hard to be back in your normal life in many ways. Maybe after you’ve rested and have less pain - the internal motivation to make new plans will return.
I’ve been working alot and am also exhausted, and my boss went back to her toxic Jeckyl & Hyde ways, but she had been better & kinder for awhile previously. Something about being super busy & stressed (we had a huge tax free sale and the store made more money in one day that I’d ever seen before!) seems to bring out the nitpicking, impossible to please side of her. I would have thought I would come into work with thanks & praise, since we were understaffed and the sale was so mind-blowingly successful, but instead we got this “petty tyrant” bullshit, so I’m pretty pissed off right now, but will tap on it more later when I am more rested (thankful I have tomorrow off work).
Had a nice surprise visit from my older sister who lives out of province (well it was both pleasant and slightly crazy-making but I did alot of tapping on it, and think I was better able to express my feelings and boundaries, so consider it a good success).
Gotta go veg out now for awhile. Hope your weekend is a good one!
I will veg with you as I am sick again - oh joy- with an excruciatingly painful throat. Why??
I’m sorry you’re feeling exhausted and that your boss didn’t recognise the work you did and the amazing success and only felt the need to express her stress.
I hope your down time has been restorative.
I am back to listening to meditations regularly to get through the night and day and have brief moments where my mind isn’t only having sad and scary and negative thoughts.
I hope you slay them successfully!
it’s a really good mediation for me in different ways but I particularly love it because she uses sound and music well to bring about the experience and explore and elicit the thought and energy shifts. But there is one song in particular in the middle that I love. And it really has been helping me feel Les alone when I feel alone. Because I really would love someone to walk with me in the mornings. Well, I think I would anyway, but also sometimes I connect to how wonderful it is to be out there just by myself being me doing whatever is right for me and not talking. I just have to help myself with that pattern/habit/ what eve of that feeling that pops up of maybe needing to be out of deep connection with myself and being disconnected with someone else . Does any of that make sense?
