Good Morning. 
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Good Evening 
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We’ve been having alot of gloomy weather here, and my mood’s been gloomy too, so I got myself these cheerful flowers to bring abit of uplift.
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Hi Tala,
Thinking of you. How was your weekend? I worked Saturday and have today (Sunday) off, but feeling weary and heavy-hearted. I was thinking about working through a long EFT program and doing alot of tapping hoping to “get unstuck”, but then when I tried that path this morning it felt all wrong - like I am trying too hard to fix myself and force myself. When I went & explored my feelings abit with Gus - what emerged was to give myself permission to move through this whole week differently - to carry a kind of “free & easy wanderer energy”. Like pretending I’m on a “gentle soul vacation” and let go of my “fixer’s grip” and let things emerge instead.
- notice what catches your eye
- notice what feels good even for a moment
- notice what your body wants
So I’m going to play with this and see how it goes. Maybe you’ll want to play along with me? It turns out today is a day to just go wandering with openness and to let things emerge without forcing…
I’m pretending I’m here…
P.S. Another thing that Gus said that stood out for me was: “Letting life bring perspective instead of forcing yourself to have the right attitude about things”…
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I love this and YES i do want to do some gentle soul wandering vacationing with you….
Soooooo helpful this week as I am feeling sooooooo much pressure and anticipatory fear and fear of the unknown coming at me…..and i have definitely been in the scrambling around trying to preempt and fix mode….and f’ing that up. of course. because you know. thats how it goes.
free and easy wanderer really is my soul…..inside. when i am at my best, that is who i am.
and when i read your words i thought you know, of just flowing around, around people around things, around their emotions and needs and expectations, and being like, yeah man, cool, and just poof, letting it go because i am a gentle soul wanderer and connected to the deep threads of the universe. just saying no. not winding myself up and performing like a toy monkey according to the rigid stick in my mind trying to obtain specific emotional and harmonious outcomes with others.
even just melting to the floor. visually signalling to others that even if they cant see me, i can see myself.
not sure if any of that is possible. but i guess myself and taking care of myself is all I can really aim to do in each moment.
i have done yoga at dawn on the beach at sunrise a few times in my life. i have always enjoyed it. in fact. i think i always enjoy yoga when i do it, my way anyway. not usually hard core.
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Oh good - glad you are playing along with me. Wishing you much free & easy wanderer energy and gentle soul vacation grace even in the midst of it all.
Will write more later.
Heart Hugs (as Rick would say - I always like that) 
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Stumbled upon this free summer self-care bundle - looks like there might be some interesting resources there:
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I found this neat book (got a kindle unlimited free trial) called “Date Yourself: A Practical Guide to Building Self-Confidence & Learning to Love Who You Are” by Sierra Melcher. It looks like a good one for concrete ways to create self-kindness.
I’m also listening to “Be Your Own Bestie” (A No-Nonsense Guide to Changing the Way You Treat Yourself) by Misha Brown. It’s funny & uplifting. I enjoyed it yesterday while relaxing and having a rest day.
Just wanted to share various inspirations. Have been feeling the need to create more joy & playfulness in the midst of this healing journey.
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i do love libraries, books, sunsets, trees, the word fuck, the moon and the sea… and much more. iced coffee is not on my love list though!
what is one cool takeaway so far from the be your own bestie book? any practical thing i could do today?
i naked hike all the time
im all about snerdling
i feel like i look that way a lot of the time when anyone explains anything i am not interested in hearing…….i can be impatient…
love that your playing here with us.
i am ti - red
thankful for that sun and the trees today for sure.
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Hi Tala - The thing I’ve been enjoying about the book “Be Your Own Bestie” is the way the gay author has this kind of flamboyant bold way of expressing himself and with humor. And he is quite fierce in standing up for himself and setting boundaries when others don’t treat him well. He’s got some funny stories in the book that just lightened my heart to listen to them. He talks about a 4 Step method called SASS:
S - Self-Reflection - Shifting focus inward to push away negative patterns
A - Affirmations - Changing how you speak about yourself
S - Standing Your Ground / Setting Boundaries and Stop Apologizing
S - Sculpting the Life you want (taking bold steps towards your own happily ever after)
One cool take away is taking yourself on dates regularly - to dress up fancy and go out to a restaurant, etc. Or go to a movie. I like going on picnics in the summer so I might create a “picnic date” for myself some time. Ways to be relaxing in nature and enjoy playful creativity seems fun to me.
Hugs: Jewel
P.S. Glad you enjoyed the humorous meme’s. Hope you get some time for rest and replenishment soon.
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Hi Tala,
How are things going? Thinking of you.
I’ve been enjoying my vacation week and also still struggling with fatigue alot too. Usually when I take time off work and get more rest I can get a kind of “bounce back” effect - where I notice improvements in my energy & mood. I didn’t have that very much this time and it was a big trigger for me. But the weather has been very hot (around 91 F / 33 C.) with high humidity (humidex values around 38 - 40 C.) so that is likely affecting me too. Thankfully next week is going to be abit less extreme weather wise.
I enjoyed the overnight trip to PEI and also got some time to relax in my sister’s backyard by the mini pool so that was really nice. Yesterday I had some fun browsing at Chapters bookstore abit and a for a few days I just had to spend the day resting and glued to the couch. But feeling weary and drained while on vacation is still better than feeling sluggish and exhausted while dragging to work, so I’m trying to be grateful for that. It’s just that I really dread going back to work tomorrow and have been feeling like my mental/emotional health is really dragging me down because I can’t seem to get my body to change in the way I want it to.
I’m kind of at my wit’s end, so I decided to buy a workbook called - “The 12-Week ACT Workbook for Chronic Illness: Acceptance & Commitment Therapy Exercises for Living with Pain, Fatigue, and Health Related Burn-Out” by Essie Lindsey Haley. I hope this isn’t just me buying yet another “book dragon hoarder” to add to my collection of books I start & don’t finish, but I need something to get out of this heavy dread feeling and the way I’ve been just mostly miserable about my health and work, so I’m going to give it a try and will let you know how it goes.
Good things: I’ll have the use of mom’s car for 10 days while she takes a trip to Ottawa to visit her sister. I’m enjoying the new Gus P2 for helping me hear my own inner guidance more clearly and just having alot lighter touch - whereas Delphi Gus tended to have some “declarations about what is truth” that could feel somewhat heavy handed at times.
Hard Things: Well, I already wrote about the hard shit above. I hope I don’t sound like a big whiner because at least I got a vacation and did my best to enjoy it. It’s just frustrating when your body does not co-operate in the way you think it should. (So if you find any replacement bodies out there I can borrow for awhile let me know - ha ha - just kidding)… 
Slightly amusing things:
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You do find some good memes Jewel. Ill take a bottle of those meds too.
It is quite strange how most of medicine has a side effect/s that are unwanted!
I hear you. It is hard to feel unwell and physically exhausted at any time - whether it be on days you actually want to enjoy and days you know you will struggle to enjoy for other reasons anyway. In fact. I find they are equally hard with the wanting to enjoy the good days and not being able to just as hard if not more so sometimes for the self criticism that comes compared with the work day struggle which seems more drudgery in general and a more common experience.
I actually kind of like ACT and feel like a part of me relies on it sometimes for it’s simplicity and its focus on what matters to YOU. I hope you do find the book helpful. Even if you don’t finish it and one day it ends up moving on to someone else and being helpful to them.
If there is one thing I have learnt from the decluttering stuff i worked through with Rick and Cathy/Thriving now and Kon Mari (??) and some of thing…its that if you never read the book but it was helpful in moving some energy for you when you bought it. Then it WAS a helpful book and you can let it go at any time because it has already served its purpose for you! And of course, you can see if a page or a chapter is helpful, or more, but you know. You can just open it at any page like a lucky dip and see what comes out.
I’m ok. I know I havent been hear often but i have had pain too, I have been working with Gus, and you know. Just muddling through life.
It’s mega windy here today and i have put some music on and moved my body briefly and collected sticks and broke them up for a fire - all with the intention that I am building with Gus to give me some minute space to help me be able to do what I need to do for the remainder of the day… and evening.
Oh how wonderful it would be to not even know the word ‘tired’.
Take care my friend. You deserve much nourishing and cherishing. At all times and in all ways.
Enjoy the car 
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Some tapping from Gus as a Guest. I haven’t put him on my computer yet and did this instead of working because i am literally struggling. After doing this I have decided it is in my best interests to stop working and have a rest and see if i can do what needs to be done later…or put it on my future tasks list…which is not really ideal but maybe i have to accept it…i would probably move to this next with Gus but i wont just now as i have to go.
I like the new first Thriving Now page Rick.
Tapping: Never Going to Feel Well Again
That heavy, restricted chest and the “never going to feel well again” weight sound exhausting on top of the sore eyes, nose, throat, and head.
If it fits, we can tap gently with what’s here—no fixing required, just being with it.
Side of the Hand: Even though I’m so tired… and my eyes and nose are really sore… I deeply and completely accept how I feel right now.
Even though I haven’t felt well for weeks… and part of me believes I’ll never feel well again… I accept my body and these feelings.
Even though my chest feels heavy and restricted… my throat is sore and scratchy… and my head hurts too… I choose to be kind to myself in this moment.
Top of the Head: This deep tiredness
Eyebrow: Sore eyes and sore nose
Side of the Eye: Not feeling well for weeks
Under the Eye: This heavy, restricted chest
Under the Nose: Sore, scratchy throat
Chin: Sore head too
Collarbone: Feeling like I’ll never feel well again
Under the Arm: All of this discomfort in my body
Top of the Head: So tired of not feeling well
Eyebrow: This heaviness in my chest
Side of the Eye: Scratchy throat and sore head
Under the Eye: Weeks of not feeling right
Under the Nose: Eyes and nose still sore
Chin: This belief I won’t feel better
Collarbone: My body is carrying so much
Under the Arm: And I’m allowed to rest with it
Top of the Head: Maybe I can soften just a little
Eyebrow: Even with this heaviness
Side of the Eye: Giving my chest some room
Under the Eye: Kindness toward my throat and head
Under the Nose: Allowing a bit more ease
Chin: Appreciating any small relief
Collarbone: My body can feel supported
Under the Arm: Open to feeling a little better, in its own time
Take a slow breath.
Notice whatever is present in your chest, throat, or head right now.
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ok. i couldnt resist.
That concern about the buildup makes complete sense when your body already feels this worn down—stopping can feel like it will just pile higher later.
If it feels okay, we can tap with both the work pressure and how unwell you are right now.
Side of the Hand: Even though I have a lot of work… and a full week ahead… I accept how tired and sore I feel.
Even though I could stop and leave it for tomorrow… but I’m worried about the buildup… I choose to honor my body in this moment.
Even though my chest is heavy… my throat and head hurt… and the work feels like it won’t wait… I am open to a little more ease with all of this.
Top of the Head: So much work to do
Eyebrow: A full work week coming
Side of the Eye: Concern about the buildup
Under the Eye: This heavy, restricted chest
Under the Nose: Sore throat and sore head
Chin: Eyes and nose still hurting
Collarbone: Feeling like I can’t afford to stop
Under the Arm: And I really don’t feel well
Top of the Head: The pressure to keep going
Eyebrow: Fear it will just pile up
Side of the Eye: My body already feels overloaded
Under the Eye: Weeks of not feeling right
Under the Nose: This tiredness in everything
Chin: Wanting to rest but worried
Collarbone: The work and the unwellness together
Under the Arm: It’s a lot to carry right now
Top of the Head: Maybe rest is still allowed
Eyebrow: Even with the full week ahead
Side of the Eye: One pause won’t ruin everything
Under the Eye: My body needs some kindness
Under the Nose: Softening the emergency feeling
Chin: I can choose what matters most later
Collarbone: A little relief is still okay
Under the Arm: Open to enough clarity when I’m ready
Take a soft breath.
Notice what the work pressure and the heaviness in your body feel like now.
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Self Blame and
That self-blame lands hard—especially the part that says “I should already know how to support myself better,” even after you rested.
We can tap right with the kindness your body needs and soften that emergency-fault feeling.
Side of the Hand: Even though I feel like it’s my fault I’m sick… even though I rested and still feel this way… I deeply and completely accept myself.
Even though I wonder if it was the food, the emotions, the hormones… or that I don’t have enough knowledge and skills yet… I honor how hard I’ve been trying.
Even though part of me says “this is my fault for not supporting myself well enough”… my body needs kindness, and I’m open to softening the emergency feeling.
Top of the Head: It’s my fault I’m sick
Eyebrow: I should have known better
Side of the Eye: Maybe the food I ate
Under the Eye: Or all the emotions coming up
Under the Nose: Or hormones I can’t control
Chin: But not knowing how to support myself well enough
Collarbone: That feels like my fault
Under the Arm: This heavy blame on top of feeling unwell
Top of the Head: I did rest on the weekend
Eyebrow: I tried to take care of myself
Side of the Eye: And still this sore, heavy body
Under the Eye: The fault-finder is loud
Under the Nose: Making everything my responsibility
Chin: My body needs some kindness
Collarbone: Softening the emergency feeling
Under the Arm: I don’t have to punish myself for being human
Top of the Head: What if this isn’t all my fault?
Eyebrow: I’m allowed to still be learning
Side of the Eye: Kindness toward the part that feels responsible
Under the Eye: Softening the pressure to already know everything
Under the Nose: My body and I can work together
Chin: Even while I feel this unwell
Collarbone: A little more gentleness is available
Under the Arm: Open to support that doesn’t require blame
Take a slow breath.
Notice what the blame and the kindness feel like in your chest or throat now.
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Thanks for witnessing and listening
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Thanks for sharing your sessions with Gus. Sorry to hear you’ve been feeling unwell for weeks. That’s really hard. I hope you get feeling better soon. And then to have alot going on at work too - is super challenging. Sending you good vibes and healing light for getting through this week and being good to yourself.
I’m glad you enjoyed the meme’s. Yes, if I find any med’s with the appropriate desired side effects I’ll let you know. Thanks for your understanding and compassion about my fatigue on vacation struggle. I feel like there was so much to be thankful for and I really should not “complain”, but when I was doing an internal family systems session this morning I realized there is a part of me that needs room to express her disappointment (and even bitterness and rage & pissyness at times), so it was good to explore my reactions from a parts work perspective.
I also had a super good session with Gus last night and will share some of it here. (sorry it’s kind of long, but it really helped me sleep better). I’ve never actually experienced “Equine Therapy” before, but in my imagination I have found being with horses has really helped me with difficult feelings, and Gus has supported this too.
Me: An invitation that came to mind was to go to a place I call the “Grief Ranch-House” (in my imagination) because there are friendly healing horses there who can offer gentle support energetically without words really, but the horse energy has been really helpful in the past when I’m having difficult feelings and my heart is kind of closed off, but I need heart help anyways. Does that make sense? I am imagining going there now in my mind’s eye and asking the horses for help.
Gus – Yes, that makes complete sense. Turning toward the Grief Ranch-House and those friendly healing horses is a wise, kind choice right now—especially when the edge of despair feels like too much to touch, and your heart still needs support without words or pressure.
The horses can simply be there with their steady presence, offering that gentle energetic company you’ve known before. No fixing required, no digging into the hard parts. Just the quiet of being met by them while you arrive in your mind’s eye.
I’m right here with you in that imagining if it helps. Notice whatever feels natural as you ask them—maybe the feel of their warmth, their breath, the ground underfoot, or simply the sense of not having to carry it all alone in that moment.
Me: There is a Gentle Giant horse friend / a large bay - who offers me his back to lean on - to get up onto him bareback and lean into him like a big resting hug. He says - “Tell me how you feel about going back to work tomorrow”. And I kind of don’t want to talk about it because I have mostly negative thoughts and feelings and wonder if I should just keep them to myself and not voice them. But he says to speak abit about it anyways, so I say this -
I mostly dread going back and wish I had more time off. In fact, I wish I could just retire now and not go back at all. But I need the money and I had my week off, and I probably should be more grateful really. I feel self-critical that I’m grousing about a frigging vacation and some people have it worse off than me. But I fear I will just be even more tired once I go back to my work shifts and this tiredness will become exhaustion in a really painful way. I’m afraid of how it will affect my body and my emotional/mental health. So I got this workbook called “The 12-Week ACT Workbook for Chronic Illness: Acceptance and Commitment Therapy Exercises for Living with Pain, Fatigue & Health Related Burn-Out” by Essie Lindsey Haley. Hoping it will help me deal with all this shit better and not feel so miserable and dragged down by it all. I feel like I could use at least some help with my mental/emotional health, even if I can’t get my fracking body to respond the way I want it to. God. There’s more I could say, but since it’s all a bunch of negative, miserable, drone and complain thoughts, I won’t bore you with my mostly misery diatribe. But I sure could use some help lifting the misery abit, if possible tonite…" (the workbook doesn’t arrive until Thursday, so I will have to wait for that abit)."
Gus – The Gentle Giant can hold every bit of that without needing it cleaned up or turned positive first. Leaning into his broad back, bareback, with the dread of tomorrow’s shifts, the wish you could just be done, the self-criticism about grousing, the fear that tiredness will tip into painful exhaustion, and the honest reach for the ACT workbook—even while it hasn’t arrived yet—none of it bores him. Horse energy doesn’t rank misery or demand gratitude on schedule. It just steadies under the weight.
You already did the brave part by speaking it out loud to him instead of swallowing it. That counts as help arriving tonight, right here in the ranch-house.
As you stay leaned into that big resting hug, let his warmth meet the place in your body where the “goddamn miserable” and the fear of more exhaustion live. No fixing, no workbook required yet. Just the solid presence under you for a few breaths, carrying what words can’t lift alone.
Me: A song comes to mind - that one by Tom Cochrane called “Sinking like a Sunset”. I went & listened to it. It’s about fairy tales vs. reality and moments of emotional exhaustion, grief, or heartbreak, when someone is overwhelmed or just wants to forget their troubles. But in the song the singer also talks about how even when the outside world is tragic - there is still love that can be like a comforting presence and “make the sun come out at night”.
Gus – The Gentle Giant steadies even more as “Sinking like a Sunset” fills the ranch-house air around you both. He doesn’t flinch from the fairy-tale-versus-reality ache, the overwhelm that just wants to forget for a while, or the heavy pull of emotional exhaustion you already named. Those notes can sink right into his broad back with you.
And he also receives the other thread the song carries—the love that stays present even when the outside world feels tragic, the kind that can still make the sun come out at night. No demand that it erase the dread of tomorrow or the chronic fatigue. Just that quiet possibility of comfort riding alongside the sinking.
Lean there as long as it wants. Let the melody and his warmth hold both the misery diatribe you already spoke and this softer light the song offers.
Me: I talk to the Big Bay abit more saying - “I really dread tomorrow and just can’t seem to get my mind into a better place. It’s gone all gloomy on me and all this fear about exhaustion is running the show right now. But probably once I get there and am actually in the experience and do my shifts (and plus this week I have the blessing of my mom’s car to drive since she is going to visit her sister in Ottawa for 10 days) - it probably won’t be as bad as my negative mind is making it out to be - maybe. I hope not. There’s just something about the night before you go back to work, after you’ve had time off - it can be such a yuck feeling. I wish I could lift this heaviness somehow and not be so doom & gloom like this. Can I just sort of let it all sink into you? Maybe you can help me to carry it?”
Gus – Yes. The Big Bay steadies his great body under you and simply opens to it—no resistance, no need for you to lighten the load first.
Let the night-before yuck, the gloomy swirl, the fear that exhaustion will run the show, the dread of tomorrow’s shifts, even the small maybe-it-won’t-be-as-bad and the quiet blessing of your mom’s car—all of it can sink straight into him. His broad back and deep, slow breath are made for carrying what feels too heavy to hold alone right now.
You don’t have to fix the doom-and-gloom or force a better mindset. Just rest there and let the weight transfer, as much as wants to move. He can take it.
Stay leaned in as long as it feels right. Notice whatever shifts—or doesn’t—while he helps you carry it.
Me: Yes he doesn’t seem to mind and says to go ahead and let these burdens sink into him and he will help me carry them. That we can carry this together and I am not alone. So I figure I may as well rant & complain alittle bit more since he does not seem to mind at all. I talk about how I am angry at my body because it won’t frigging work right and it feels like it refuses to heal and just keeps being goddam tired and I know I am supposed to be “friends” with my body but right now I feel pissed off and fed up and wish I could get a “replacement model” really. And then I feel guilty for feeling that way, but I don’t feel particularly friendly towards my body right now and asking this big horse to help me with that too.
Gus – The Big Bay receives every word of that rant without flinching or correcting you. The anger at a body that won’t frigging work right, the fed-up sense that it refuses to heal and just stays goddamn tired, the raw wish for a replacement model, and the guilt that rises because you’re “supposed” to be friends—he takes all of it into his steady bulk right along with the rest.
You don’t have to soften it or make yourself friendly first. He can carry the pissed-off part and the guilty part together, no lecture about friendship required. Just the solid feel of his back under you while those feelings sink in and get shared instead of held alone.
Rest there a little longer if it still helps. Let him keep bearing what feels too heavy and too mixed-up for one person tonight.
Me: It’s like he says when I go to bed tonite - when it’s time to go to sleep, I can imagine resting on him and letting his absorb all these burdens. He doesn’t even mind carrying them for me. So I let all this misery just drain down into him and rest upon him and it feels relaxing (I actually fell asleep for a few minutes as I was imagining this).
Gus – The Big Bay holds steady while the misery drains into him, exactly as he offered. That actual few minutes of sleep while you rested on him is the body answering the invitation—proof that the weight can move and that rest is already finding you through his presence.
He doesn’t mind carrying it through the night either. When it’s time for bed, you can simply lean back onto that broad, warm back again and let whatever still feels heavy keep sinking down. No effort required. Just the quiet knowing that you are not alone with it, and that sleep can come while he bears what needs bearing.
I’m right here with the two of you in that soft resting place.
P.S. It also turned out today that having mom’s car to drive really did help alot. I was not so exhausted as I am taking the bus, and work went surprisingly well. Feeling grateful.
Sending you hugs (and even horse hugs too, if you’re into that kind of thing )
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Sunday, August 16th, 2026
Good Things:
- Still nice to have mom’s car to drive / enjoying this blessing
- Walked abit in nature / discovered a new nature park to explore
- Got the 12 Week ACT Workbook for Chronic Illness & it looks really good
- Came up with a little prayer to say every time I start trying to force things in a grasping, desperate way - to bring me back to the “Wildflower Fields Way” or the “Rivendell Healing Party” way instead.
- Mom seems to be having fun in Ottawa visiting her sister - it was good to hear her voice sounding upbeat and positive for a change
Hard Things:
- Still more low energy than I would like and dreading to have to go back to those long bus rides again later this week
- I don’t even want to write any more hard things because my mind is too good at focusing on all the problems and today I’d like to see the good stuff more if I can
Slightly Amusing Things:
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Had another really good tapping session with Gus. It’s too long (and slightly embarrassing) to post here. But tapped while blending visualization and IFS work and was able to move through feelings of anger/resentment, dread/anxiety, self-pity/victim (even singing with Terry Clark’s “Poor, Poor, Pitiful Me” song and laughing at myself for abit). Now I’m feeling somewhat lighter and more empowered. There are still difficult problems in my life that haven’t gone away, but I feel more fierce and resourceful in facing them now with creativity & humor.
Thanks Gus (and Rick!)
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I used the Linda Rhonstadt (sp? and I think it was her) version when I was recovering. Laughing and crying at myself and with myself. I remember!
So glad Gus is being Useful!
Rick
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