Hi Nicole,
I put on the “Into the Woods” music too - hoping it will help me to write back, since my mind’s been in a negative jumble lately.
I hope you’ve found ways to hold yourself & your heavy feelings gently. The heavy feelings and sad feelings seem to be the ones I have the hardest time sitting with, and just want to get rid of them and dance into joy as soon as possible. Noticing how this just seems to have me staying bogged down even longer, but even then some grace eventually shows up to carry me anyways. Having a few days off work to rest & replenish creates a noticeable shift in my perspective (for good).
I’ve been pondering your words about days when you don’t know who you are, and wonder if you’re making good decisions, and the longing to be released from demands and expectations, even the ones that come from inside of yourself. And wanting to give yourself more space.
Praying you’ll find your own way to follow your north star, and the trail will be wide and welcoming.
I’m not sure I fully understand, since you haven’t given specific examples (and no pressure to do so, if you don’t want to), but I can relate to being confused about issues of identity, and decision making and inner pressure. I’m grappling with this too, and came to some new conclusions and perspectives just this weekend - but it’s all still in the “experimental stage”. Sometimes all I can do is try things on for awhile and see how they fit and unfold over time, as the only way to know if I’m on the right path or not. Lately my mind, body, heart & soul are looking for more gentleness though. That’s one part I’m totally sure of.
I feel encouraged by your words about altered books - the book I chose to alter is orginally entitled “Gentle Spells & Kind Magic” (Sam McKechnie). But Rowdy Rae is changing the title to “Gentle Joy, Aliveness & Kindness to Myself Magic”. (I didn’t finish coloring it in yet, but here is the beginning cover as a work in progress).
I haven’t read the book - “A History of the World in 100 Plants”, but I certainly agree about trees having unspoken meaning and magic. I once had a special relationship with a giant white pine in a local park here, and named him Geronamo". Loved to go sit underneath and just receive some grounding energy and “good advice” when I felt upset and unsettled. A few years back the tree unfortunately got struck by lightening and had to be cut down. But before I even found out about this bad news, I kept getting a strong feeling that I needed to go to the park and visit this tree. So I did, and was dismayed to find the bad damage because of the lightening, and yet it was like my tree friend wanted me to come and say good bye. That was how it felt to me. That we had this connection and he let me know. So yeah, I think tree’s really do speak to you, if you listen closely enough.
(He was around 200 years old and a pretty awesome friend. Still miss him).
Good things - had the weekend off again and it was so much needed. Grateful for time to relax and practice self-care and get out of a bad funk.
Hard things - Stupid tendonitis / tennis elbow is keeping me from my crochet project and it’s getting me down. I enjoy crochet on the bus. Might still keep trying and add new stretches. Frig. My first reaction when my body is not working the way I want it to - is to be angry. Guess I should do some tapping on that. 
Slightly amusing thing - one day I was really tired and sometimes the brain does not connect to the mouth properly when exhausted. I was getting ready for work and talking out loud to myself and the Universe. Something I said came out all wrong and sounded more like cave-man talk than a correct sentence. But then it just seemed funny and I laughed and started talking like a cave-man just to poke abit of fun at myself. It made me giggle and shook me out of my bad mood alittle.
P.S. I love your story about the fortune cookie.
And thanks, Rick, for your words about how sometimes it seems like the Universe is playfully fucking with you, and it makes you grin. And I’m glad Adira helped you with the breakfast, and how you were able to re-perceive “must” into “we get to”. I think that’s pretty awesome.
. Here are some pics I took for you and Jewel this morning. They dont do it full justice of course. But I can see what I saw. 
(when really I often feel insecure about remembering the hundreds of different products in the store, but it was good to make a joke about it and have a customer be playful like that).
