Useful Questions

What are… Useful Questions?

Useful Questions help us to gain awareness, compassion, and clarity. They are focused on what we can feel and recognize in ourselves NOW and get us out of mental traps where we’re guessing about others or an unknowable future.

See also: Awareness, Clarity, Powerful Pause, Discernment

Benefits of… a Useful Question

  • Opens our awareness.
  • Brings us mindful clarity
  • Soothes the primitive brain
  • Brings more of our body-mind online
  • Supports thriving (not just surviving)
  • Breaks free from mental loops
  • Promotes resourcefulness (rather than criticism)

Examples of… Useful Questions

What an I noticing?

When we’re activated (triggered) our brain tends to get stuck in a story, an “explanation”, a criticism, or a fear. By asking “what am I noticing?” we are invited to pause.

Noticing includes what we’re feeling – the sensations in our body, whether we’re likely in fight, flight, or freeze, and beliefs that are activated.

Noticing includes awareness of our current level of safety – are we under physical threat? Lions, tigers, or bears here? Do I need to leave or change my right distance in order to calm myself and restore my confidence?

Noticing actively brings us back to what’s alive NOW.

What does this remind me of?

Trauma triggers are only partially about what is happening NOW. The question, “what does this remind me of?” allows the parts of us that remain unhealed from trauma to speak up.

Someone criticizes you and instead of responding with calm confidence you feel like you better not say anything… or else!

What does this remind you of?

Perhaps it reminds you of a parent who would hit you if you argued with their criticism, no matter how cruel and unjust it was. The question would let you know that your reaction NOW is linked to those past traumas.

Once we know what a feeling or reaction is linked to inside us, we can use EFT Tapping to help clear it. We can even acknowledge (to ourselves and any understanding people in our life) that our reaction is magnified by past trauma and ask for their support and understanding.

It’s also a question that has dramatically helped those of us that habitually blamed ourselves for not speaking up or being confident when the truth is we still were working on intense traumas where speaking up or being honest was unsafe.

What are some cruddy questions?

A cruddy question tends to make us feel terrible, confused, and disempowered.

Why am I so fat?
Why did they do that?!?
Why can’t I ever ____?!?
Why do they think…?!?
But why won’t they?!?

Cruddy questions often are why questions.

They are also questions where we feel like we’re guessing or imagining the answer, so it doesn’t feel “good” to us to land on the answer.

The more desperate the need is to know why… the more the question itself is linked to an unresolved trauma. Take care of the trauma and the desperate WHY lets go and you can ask and answer useful questions instead.

We invite you to share life examples where this concept has played a role.

Useful Questions

What other questions come to mind for you? Please reply and share your wisdom.

Resources for… Useful Questions

We welcome links to audios, videos, books, and courses that add to our shared understanding of this concept. Memes and quotes are also welcome.


Contributors: @Rick

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