Too Big, Too Small: Making Changes

 Real Skills Workshop - Community Event


RS 2022-07-26 Changes

Too Big, Too Small: Making Changes

Real Skills Workshop: Clear & Focused Action

Hosts: Rick Wilkes (@Rick) and Cathy Vartuli (@Cathy)

Recorded Tue Jul 26 2022

:point_right: Replay is below

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Have you ever been stopped by this dilemma?

You want to make a change in your life… (Get in shape, organize a closet, start dating, have a more positive mindset, you name it!) and you run into the Too Big, Too Small issue?!

One way we block change and taking action is by saying “This Step is too small to matter… That step is too Big to take on”.

By constantly categorizing things as too big or too small, no action is “Just Right!”

For example, for a long time I wanted to start speaking up and sharing what I felt with my friends rather than just going along with whatever they suggested. For YEARS I was stuck in the too big/too small dilemma!

If the thing I wanted to mention was a small issue, I would say to myself, “This is too small a topic to matter, I’ll do that later.”

If the thing I wanted to speak up about was important and I worried it could change our relationship, I would say to myself “That topic is too big, I don’t want to tackle it! I’ll wait until later.”

And because I was nervous about speaking up, no topic ever felt “just right” to discuss. I would always decide whatever came up was too insignificant to matter or too humungous to deal with.

And I never built the muscles for speaking up!

I was silent and convinced myself my wants didn’t matter and was somewhat resentful that no one noticed.

When I finally starting speaking up, I did go with baby steps. I started with small issues. And I built the muscles to trust myself and use my voice. Even those baby steps were hard at first. And my brain kept saying, “This won’t make a difference, it’s too small!” But I was TIRED of being silent and feeling unheard. So I kept at it. And over time I got better and better at it. My friends and I got used to talking about things. My relationships with other people improved a LOT, and my relationship with myself transformed in immeasurable ways!

If you find yourself getting stuck in this dilemma, we invite you to join us for our Making Change: Too Big/Too Small mini-workshop.

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Don’t get stuck in the Too Big/Too Small dilemma! Start making positive changes today!

Cathy & Rick
Your Emotional Freedom Coaches
Schedule Private, Gliding Scale Coaching Sessions Here

P.S. Adira says, “I’m not too small to make a Big Impact – and neither are you!”

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What’s Enough to Make a Difference?

  • Use 1/4 pound a month
  • Save $5 per week
  • Move 20 minutes a day
  • Explore for 7 minutes a day

How could any of those really make a difference?!?

Too small… right?

Uhhh, that’s a problem. You see, thriving is rarely about the huge effort, the big win, the heroic effort. A thriving lifestyle is one that is tuned to build health, wealth, physical vibrancy, and exploring what matters to you.

And yeah, that makes for a sucky advertisement.

Ads poke your pain and promise quick relief. BUY THIS, and you will feel better! They sell the end result, get you dreaming, and get your money. Once they have your money, too bad if you lose interest or win for a week then fail for the next 10 years.

So what’s “too small” to make a difference? Depends on your time horizon.

  • Using 1/4 pound a month means 30 pounds used for living your life over 10 years (a 60 pound difference if you add weight instead of use weight)
  • $5 per week means your Freedom Fund has $260 in a year – which opens up all kinds of possibilities that $0 does not.
  • 20 minutes of movement a day means hundreds of miles of movement in a year that your body will get to experience.
  • 7 minutes a day exploring something new means you’ll have spent a work-week equivalent each year – easier than taking a week off all at once for many of us.

I used to resist these kinds of small changes in lifestyle. They felt… insignificant. Like they wouldn’t actually move the needle on my PAIN and frustration and lack.

But… tapping helped. I’d have a notion, like doing a Morning Mile, and all the noise about it being “not enough.” They I took action. I tapped when it felt like “I’m not seeing results!” and refocused on a 10 year vision rather than 10 days (or 10 weeks).

The trend is our friend. Adding movement each day has changed me mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Saving a bit each day towards a Freedom Fund has eliminated the “I can’t afford it” for most (but not all certainly) of the experiences or purchases I might want. And yes, I used the Freedom Fund to buy new underwear. Ahhh.

Using 1/4 pound a month on average does not sculpt a body overnight. What is does is encourage me to tend the trend, to put energy into vibrancy more than solace through sweets. That I choose to move in nature means I noticed the mushrooms growing this morning, which made me smile. My body feels more “me” since I started this nearly two years ago. That’s my measure. Lighten up, freshen up, bit by bit, in ways that are nourishing.

Is part of you struggling to find the not too small actions that can fit your life right now… and be cultivated into significance over the years to come? If so…

We invite you to join us for our Making Change: Too Big/Too Small real skills workshop.

:point_right: Replay is below

P.S. Our Circle Membership - now available for
a one-time payment on a gliding scale
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Circle Members get all Real Skills Workshops (and much more)!

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Looking forward to exploring this with you!

Rick & Cathy
Your Emotional Freedom Coaches
Schedule Private, Gliding Scale Coaching Sessions Here

P.S. Adira says, “You can ride all the way to Joy – even if you’re going in a circle!”

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It’s TOO BIG if it scares you to inaction…

I can dream BIG. I can dream so BIG that it includes all kinds of scary stuff I don’t want to do.

I’ve heard way too many leadership coaches assert that you need Big Scary Goals. You must challenge yourself beyond what you believe is possible!!!

Uhh, I know like one person out of a hundred that works for. Their personality demands something heroic in order to get off the couch and get to work.

That does not work for me.

Does BIG and Scary work for you?

If not… if “too big” is a thing… if too scary keeps you from acting… you just might want to join us for a simple little 90 minute workshop today (or listen to the recording).

Why? Because while it is true that some things are “too small” to activate us, I see far more often with clients that they take a dream and make it so big and hairy and smelly that they procrastinate. For years! When we break it down into manageable chunks, there’s a Right Size that invites action…

…and doesn’t require sacrifice.

Too Big by my definition means that it throws out thriving right now in return for some mythical, ungrounded future.

I believe with all my heart and experience that if something matters to YOU, there’s a Right Size where you can enjoy the challenge now and be thriving now, too.

How does that feel to you? Worth exploring? If so…

We invite you to join us for our Making Change: Too Big/Too Small real skills workshop.

:point_right: Replay is below

P.S. Our Circle Membership - now available for
a one-time payment on a gliding scale
.
Circle Members get all Real Skills Workshops (and much more)!

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Looking forward to exploring this with you!

Rick & Cathy
Your Emotional Freedom Coaches
Schedule Private, Gliding Scale Coaching Sessions Here

P.S. Adira says, “Right Size is great for Rides of all kinds… thank you perfect size pony!”

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@Norene asked me to post this link:

Recently when I asked him about his creative process he said:

“I think I am different from most people. I only have about three to four hours of solid focus time in me each day. So if I am not doing something that requires a high level of focused work, I need to let my mind just float and drift.”

It turns out Arian’s self imposed daily three-ish hour limit of focused work supports findings from a 2016 productivity survey which found that each of us has on average about three hours of “productive” time each day. Beyond this, most people spend time browsing the web, chatting with co-workers, and getting food.

After Arian and I spoke, I realized that he optimizes his day to balance ‘convergent’ and ‘divergent’ thinking, terms coined by psychologist Joy Paul Guilford.

Convergent thinking is structured, methodical, and to the point. It can include analyzing ideas and planning how to implement them. Its triggers include making lists, considering outcomes, constructing a timeline, and executing a plan.

Divergent thinking is blue sky thinking non-linear and makes space for the possibilities. Oftentimes it doesn’t take place at a desk. It might be triggered by going for a walk, cooking, taking a shower or simply stepping away from your screen.

Both are incredibly important for creative work — and for most of us, it’s easy to get so wrapped up in one that we forget to make time for the other. Creating remarkable work requires a healthy balance of both.

How do you balance your convergent and divergent tendencies? Is there one side of this equation you think deserves more time?

Too Big, Too Small: Making Changes - Session Recording

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We welcome your insights, ah-ha’s, and sharing. Please! Click [Reply]

Click for Computer Generated Transcript

RS 2022-07-26 Changes
[00:00:00] Too big, too small making changes. It’s a real skills workshop for finding clarity and being able to put that into action in a way that’s right for you. Um, and I’m Rick from thriving. Now I’m here with Kathy bar from thriving now and the intimacy dojo, Kathy. Um, this was your idea for this workshop.
[00:00:22] Mm-hmm, , um, I’d love to hear like how this has played in your life as you’ve navigated decisions and actions and lifestyle changes. Well, I I’ve worked with a lot of clients and I’ve also noticed myself. I work with a lot of people that do business or wanna making changes in their lives. And, um, I had a client was talking the other day about like, I don’t even wanna take this to first step it’s it’s I can’t the, the biggest step that I can.
[00:00:50] It’s so small, it wouldn’t matter. So I’m not even gonna go go there. And it reminded me of when I, I sent the email out, but for a long time, I just never spoke up. Like until I met Rick and started doing EFT and then started doing other coaching, like I never spoke up with my friends. Like if they wanted to see a movie, I didn’t wanna see, I wouldn’t, I would hint.
[00:01:11] I would hope. Um, if I didn’t like something they said or did, I would never speak up and it left our relationships very one sided and I was like secretly resentful and they didn’t really get to know me at all. There wasn’t really a relationship. It was just like this. They were dealing with this, you know, kind of robotic person that would do whatever they wanted.
[00:01:31] I wasn’t happy. They weren’t happy. And as I did, as I did more work and started getting brave. I noticed that I would do that. I’m gonna speak up next time. This time is just too small. It’s just a bother. It’s annoying. Like why should like, I, why make a fuss over something so small? Oh, I can’t talk about this thing.
[00:01:49] Cause it’s so big. It might blow up relationship. No, no, no. So, and I noticed that I would go back and forth and it was like a long time and I I’d like, uh, our friend re Mahaka. He talks about when you wanna have a difficult conversation, if it’s been more than three days, don’t wait for that ideal person.
[00:02:06] Uh, that ideal situation, like just have it. And I was like, oh, it’s been three months or three years since I’ve had this, you know, like I’ve been waiting for the just right. I was like goalie locks in the three bears. I wanted the porridge to be just right. Temperature. I think when we’re scared about something, we will often, our brain will make it very binary.
[00:02:25] It’s too small or too, too big. There’s never a just right. Yeah. So we’re always waiting and we’re not actually taking any a taking any action. We’re not making any changes. So I think it’s, this is a great topic for a lot of people, because a lot of us do this. Mm-hmm you make, you make such an important distinction that, you know, when one of the advantages of working with clients who want or need to make a change in their life is that, um, in that place we get to explore like, well, what’s stopping you.
[00:03:03] Mm-hmm um, and it often falls into. That binary choice. Like it’s too big. Uh, when I think about doing it, I, I get terrified or scared. And when you, when you take something that’s terrifying and scary and you break it down, there’s a lot of pieces to it. And there’s usually a few of 'em that are like really too big.
[00:03:32] They’re not as clear the resource isn’t there. The trust, the, all the things that it might randomly work out, but it’s a random, it’s not like it doesn’t feel good. Mm-hmm um, and it’s. It’s true though. Like it it’s too big. Yeah. You know, it’s too big for right then. And, and, and that moment, and there could be like, oh, wouldn’t it be great to have that life?
[00:03:57] Yeah. If I could get there, but the two bigness ends up, um, stopping action. And then there’s that too small. It’s like, oh, well what’s the use 20 minutes. This is, you know, make it, this is a 2000 hour project. What is 20 minutes? You know? And, and I see that with clutter, for example, someone looks at their house and they think this is, this has been 15 years in the making.
[00:04:24] This is not a weekend project. This is not a a and, and so when you tell me to spend five minutes with one item and feeling the emotion in it, there’s 10,000 items. How dare you? Like say one, five minutes for one thing. Right. And so. Yeah. When you’re looking for the just right that’s often, um, uh, a protection mechanism, I think it’s, it’s a yeah.
[00:04:53] Procrastination. It’s a way to procrastinate without realizing your procrastinate. Right. And procrastination is usually a protection it’s it’s like this feels either too scary. I feel unprepared, unsupported a lot of other reasons. Um, or you’re not even grounded in why it matters to you. Um, our approach, um, then is, is gonna focus on baby steps.
[00:05:18] If you’ve known us for a while, you’ll, you’ll hear line up part of the baby steps, baby steps. Microsteps if you, um, wanna look at it that way, um, But to make it, to make it so that there’s energy behind it. So we’re gonna be tapping and looking at the energy of, of too small. We’re gonna be looking at the energy of too big.
[00:05:41] We’re gonna be looking for, um, 1, 2, 3, um, things that you could do to make a lifestyle change and grounded in the long term, so that you actually integrate it into your life, um, in a way that that matters to you, that’ll help you build. The kind of thriving lifestyle that you want for yourself. And one of the things we’d like, we’d love to work with people.
[00:06:07] If something comes up with you specifically, please message us either privately or in the chat so that we know that you wanna tap. So we can leave time for that. Cause we’re really glad to do that. And one of the things I’d love for you to do, if you’re up for it, this will add some extra ooph to this cor this workshop is if you have one area of your life where you’ve noticed this bit too big, too small, write it down.
[00:06:30] Um, if you wanna share it in the chat, that’s a great way to kind of gently call yourself out and get some support about it. When it’s alone, spinning into your head, it’s hard to get traction. If you share it with a group, this is a very friendly group. If you just share it in the chat. Often that you start seeing things from a different perspective.
[00:06:50] The hamster was in the wheel. That’s just been going around for a long time. It’s hard to like, okay, let’s get off the wheel, stop the wheel, stop. Let’s UND ourselves and like ground ourselves before we move forward. Um, and one of the things I wanna. Add two is one of the things with taking small steps.
[00:07:07] And even if you’re thinking they’re too small is you start to get mini rewards and you build up the muscles of this process. So when I started talking to my friends, I was super awkward about it. Like I was just like, I don’t know if you mind, but I noticed that I kind of maybe sort of don’t wanna see that movie.
[00:07:26] It’s scary. Oh, you don’t wanna see that movie? Oh, I’m glad to see something else. There was a reward. Like I kind of like I got to see and it didn’t always turn out perfectly, but I also had that feeling in my body of it kind of builds some momentum as you go because you’re getting little dopamine hit.
[00:07:43] So you’re like, I faced that scary thing and I came out on the other side. It, it does like if there’s a reward there, so we want, we want you to get to those rewards. Mm-hmm um, so I, I would encourage you to, you know, write down if you want, what it is that pick one thing. And again, if you notice, you wanna pick all the things, that’s your, your survival brain trying to distract you, bring it back and like, okay, what is one thing that I wanna work on that I do this with?
[00:08:15] Um, and I think I want, I just wanted to add about the procrastination. Yeah. Our brain likes to be busy. Okay. So if we’re, if I’m saying I want to declutter my desk and I’m like, oh, it’s I don’t have, I only have five minutes right now. I’m not gonna do it. I’ll wait till tomorrow. When I have all day. And then I sit on the couch all day, never coming near my desk.
[00:08:36] Um, it’s our brain is looking at, you know, there’s too much time. And now I, now I have too big a section of time. I don’t wanna face it. Um, we start looking for that perfect amount of time where like Goldilocks looking for the porridge is just the right temperature. And that’s what our brain becomes busy doing.
[00:08:55] And we get distracted versus like, okay, in five minutes I could take the dirty dishes that are on my desk to the kitchen and still have time to spare. Like, and then I come back the next day and it’s already partly clean and I’m like, oh, so you just, I, I wanna just emphasize that our brain will get us looking for something else, then the thing we wanna do, because then we’re chasing that other thing and not noticing we’re not, we kind of distracts us from, Hey, I haven’t done anything on this in three weeks, you know, I would you, would you like to lead us in just a quick tapping to invite us to get clarity and focus in for this?
[00:09:34] Yeah. So I invite you all just take a nice, slow, deep breath.
[00:09:40] Let yourself, if you can, like a lot of us are doing many things or our attention is over, you know, like I haven’t put away the groceries. I haven’t like picked up a mail, let yourself just come here. And now imagine that we’re in this very lovely circle that Rick Rick built and that we all contributed to.
[00:09:58] And see if you can let you know, let the Facebook cats go do something else for a little while. Let yourself come here and now, and just take another nice deep breath.
[00:10:10] Karate chop, even though I don’t wanna be present right. This moment, even though I don’t wanna be fully present. Right, right. This moment, it might make me make me look at things I don’t want to see. They might make me look at things I don’t want to see. And even if I’m just present for this moment, and even if I’m just present for this moment, it’s not enough.
[00:10:33] It’s not enough. It’s too small. It’s too small. I just can’t be bothered. Well, I just can’t be bothered. I’ll wait till later when I have more time to be present, I’ll wait till later. when I have more time to be present top and head. But what if right now is the only time that matters? What if right now is the time that matters eyebrow?
[00:10:57] It doesn’t matter how much time there is. It doesn’t matter how much time there is side of the eye. I can sink into my body and be present with me. I can sink into my body and be present with me under the eye. That might feel really good. That might feel really good under the nose. It might not feel good at all.
[00:11:18] It might not feel good at all chin, but if it doesn’t feel good, but if it doesn’t feel good, Hoone, there might be some things for me to clear out. There might be some things for me to clear out under the arm and if I don’t ever face them and if I don’t ever face them top of the head, I’ll never clear this out.
[00:11:38] I’ll never clear it out. I just invite you to take a breath.
[00:11:46] Yeah. And notice if there’s any like our body, we often talk, Rick and I talk about body sensations. As you imagine, sinking into your body, wiggling your toes, actually being co-present with your body. Notice how your muscles feel. Your heart feels your, your lungs is there. Constriction is their heat. Is there resistance?
[00:12:08] And if so, just maybe breathe into that spot. See if you can be with that for a moment. We often don’t want to be with those feelings, and yet if we can be with them for just a moment, if we can tolerate them for even 20 seconds often we see a lot of truth and they start processing and clearing. Um, and if not, we might find what we might find a breadcrumb trail to where we need to go to be more present with ourselves.
[00:12:42] And I’m curious for those that have tuned into something, um, where’s your energy going? Is it feeling like it’s too big or feeling like it’s too small or one person shared? I’ve been wanting to work on creating my backyard garden and sanctuary, but too big, too expensive, et cetera, et cetera, really classic kind of like, oh, we have a vision and we like to do that.
[00:13:11] But the vision is, is got too much to it. Too much effort, too much money. There’s it’s like, that’s the way it feels for me. I’d like to be physically stronger. Um, you know, it’s, my work is not something where I actually lift and move things. Um, and I can imagine a lifestyle over the next 30 years where I’d really like to be strong enough that carrying a 50 pound bag of, of sand, for example, a rock or something like that would be within my range.
[00:13:49] Now, as soon as I start picturing myself doing that, my back starts hurting my shoulder. My neck are saying no way, and this is again like, this is where we, if this, if you’re having a reaction of too big, it’s really useful to recognize that your energy is already like shutting down possibilities. Okay, because it’s focused on this idea of what it has to be.
[00:14:20] And it’s saying, no, I can’t do that. It’s quite rigid. If it doesn’t look exactly like that, I’m not even gonna start. Right. Because that’s like, maybe I’m maybe not everyone’s brain works this way and they stay more in that creative flow. Um, but again, if you’ve already jumped to too big that’s you don’t have all your resources to me.
[00:14:47] Mm-hmm um, so this is where I would tap. For my, my shift that I want, you know, even though I wanna make a change, even though I wanna make a change, my vision of it is way too big. My vision of it is way too big. It’s way too expensive. It’s way too expensive. I can’t afford that equipment. I can’t afford that equipment.
[00:15:08] I don’t know where to put it. I don’t know where to put it. It’s too much work. It’s too much work and it’s uncertain and it’s uncertain. No wonder I haven’t made any movement. No wonder I haven’t made any movement top of the head. I’ve decided it’s too big. I’ve decided it’s too big eyebrow. I’ve decided already that it’s too big.
[00:15:31] I’ve decided already it’s too big side of the. I want to be physically stronger. I wanna be physically stronger under the eye, but I have this idea of what that means, but I have this idea of what that means. Oh no. And it’s too big and it’s too big, Jim. It’s too big right now. It’s too big right now. Hold on.
[00:15:51] It’s not a body. Yes. For me. It’s not a body is for me. I wonder if there’s a more right. Sized choice. I wonder if there’s a more right sized choice. I’m inviting my brain to come up with some ridiculously small possibilities. I’m inviting my brain to come up with some ridiculously small possibilities.
[00:16:19] So I like the word ridiculous. Mm-hmm um, uh, you could add cookie, you could add, um, you know, teeny Wey possibilities, and again, we’re, we’re going from too big and we’re inviting some steps in the other direction. Okay. For me, what comes to mind is I do this morning mile. I’ve been doing it for nearly 600, um, days.
[00:16:49] It’s not always a mile. Sometimes my morning mile is down the driveway and back about a hundred, hundred and 50 feet. Like if I, that days it’s two miles I’ve I’ve heard today. It was 1.6 miles. But I imagine if I want to get physically stronger, what’s something that I do not do. I do not do a pushup against a tree.
[00:17:13] But I did this morning. Just one. I just grabbed that tree and I puffed up my muscles a bit and I just, you know, snorted a little bit of the bark and pushed back and, you know, that’s expressing physical strength,
[00:17:37] had the idea also like, well, I got this toddler and weight lifting with her and what if I just lifted her like up intentionally, if she’s up for that, you know, I even have an eight year old who’s twice as heavy and I could, I could do how count for you. no, I could do a leg press with him. Just one. Um, and what is this saying to me?
[00:18:06] I want to use my body for things that require just a bit more physicalness muscle use. Um, as I try that on. This is where we each have to look at. Like, does that feel like it’s too small? So there’s a part of me like this part of my brain that goes, oh, that’s not gonna get you where you need to be. Do you notice what it said need to be?
[00:18:37] That’s a decision that I haven’t made. I mean, like that’s a primitive brain kind of, oh, you need to do this, right. These are clues, we’re emotional freedom coaches. We look for clues in people’s self language, including our own. That say there’s a part of us that. Is, um, not in the creative dance, right? It’s not in the place of possibility and clarity it’s in, like it has to be this way or we can’t do it.
[00:19:06] And that’s, that’s more primal. It’s not as creative and, and savvy. It’s not, I think there’s a lot when we’re, we’re not in our moment in the present, like I’m going to walk right now. It’s I will often do this. I’ll like get way ahead in, in the present, in the future. And I’ll create a picture. Like my brain we’re really, most of us are created people.
[00:19:27] We’re looking for a really specific outcome and we think we’re gonna go there by this linear approach. Like, I’m gonna, it’s gonna be this. Like I walked a mile today. I can walk five miles by the end of the month. Like, there’s a very rigid notice if you’re trying to hold onto the outcome in a very rigid way, because that often will signal.
[00:19:47] We’re not being present with ourselves and we want a picture of something versus the experience of it. Yeah. Even, even though a part of me wants this picture, even though part of me wants this and it insists it’s the only way and insists it’s the only way a part of me also knows that I could be more creative.
[00:20:06] A part of me also knows I could be more creative and small increments do make a difference and small increments do make a difference. Top of head, small increments do make a difference. Small increments do make a difference IRO, but they don’t solve the big problem they don’t solve the big problem right now.
[00:20:25] Yeah. And the big problem can’t be solved right now. And the big problem can’t be solved right now. Yeah. I can’t solve my health in an afternoon. I can’t solve my health in an afternoon. No, no. I could make it a little shittier. I could make it a little shittier. I definitely know how to make my health shittier.
[00:20:42] I definitely know how to make my health shittier Coone. I wonder if there’s something I could do that would be slightly better. I wonder if there’s something I could do that would slightly better unwind a little bit attention, unwind a little bit of attention of tension.
[00:21:04] I’m asking the part of me that insists it’s too big. I’m asking the part of me that insists it’s too big to join with some more creativity to join with some more creativity. I’ll go ahead. Look at options that, that nourish and serve me. Look at options that nourish and serve me that are at least small steps in the direction I want for at least small steps in the direction I.
[00:21:32] Now I, for me, when I throw in something like, well, I definitely know how to make my health worse. I definitely know how to make my strength less. Yeah. Right. There’s an acknowledgement like, oh, I could definitely today do something that would make me weaker, could smoke a pack of cigarettes or exactly. And bottle a pint of ice cream or something.
[00:21:54] Yeah. There’s, there’s all kinds of things. And for people that have, and, and I want to acknowledge, we have people in our community whose health conditions and, and current predicament is really profound. Mm-hmm, , it’s complex. It has many different aspects. And. If we look at that and say, well, how do you, how do you address all of that to me, that’s too big.
[00:22:24] Yeah. Even as a professional, that’s too big. And what I, what I believe is that our energy matters and that what I’ve noticed is that if somebody drops in and says, well, I’d like to, to, to make some movement on my clutter. And they set a, a two foot by two foot section of their table as a sacred space. And the first thing they do is clear it.
[00:22:53] And the next thing they do is they put something in it. It could be a wild flower, it could be a stone, it could be something that, that honors its place as the start, the start of refining their energy. And they use that in some way, maybe to write a note that these things build the. The push up against the tree from a, you know, professional, physical trainer.
[00:23:21] It, that’s not going to do it, but the energy of using your body in a different way than you have habitually sends a signal in. If, if you pay attention to a trend. So money, let’s say that there’s a nightmare situation, money wise, but over the course of six months, you now have a freedom fund with $50 in it, a ridiculously small amount of money, but there is something that you will be able to sit and say, you know, I could order sushi tonight with my $50.
[00:24:00] I’m not choosing to, but I am free now to do something that I wouldn’t have been. If I hadn’t, if I hadn’t put that little bit of money. Aside. So the energy of something. Is nourishing for us. It’s freeing for us. What is definitely not freeing is to have something that matters to us that we make no movement toward.
[00:24:25] So, and I, I think of like, just being, if we can be really present with ourselves when we take these steps. So like, as you, if, if Rick, when you went out, like you were like present with, oh, my body feels a little resistant, I’m afraid I can’t do it. I’m afraid it will hurt too much. Whatever, if you can be present with that and then actually do it mindfully you’re, you’re clearing some of the emotional and energetic blocks from that.
[00:24:48] If that $1 that clearing that one space, if you can be present and mindful, not lost in the future of what it should look like, or how many thousands you have to do, kind of will powering through, but just like, oh, I’m gonna clean my desk by putting this one pen. Over there. And I notice all there’s resistance.
[00:25:06] I kind of like, I feel like when my pens are all out, I’m obviously working really hard or whatever it is. Oh. And I still now have a little bit more space. Like I can be with myself as I do this. It actually, I think just the, the mindfulness and the present scene helps clear it. And your system starts learning that you can handle this.
[00:25:27] You can, someone shared that they were having trouble getting out and about, um, after COVID, it’s been really hard cuz you know, there was a, a long time when none of us were supposed to go anywhere and it was reinforced by a lot of trauma. There was a lot of fear, like going out as bad and dangerous and our survival brain, especially if we’re kind of introverted or we don’t like, you know, we feel safer in our home.
[00:25:51] That can be really hard. And I did notice like when I, I flew to Portland a few weeks ago and it was, I was terrified. I was like, I’m gonna get on a plane. Oh my God. And I just tried to be very mindful with myself. Okay. I’m getting in my car or the, the car going to the airport. I’m still really close to my house.
[00:26:09] If I need to go back, I’m just gonna breathe. Notice I can do this. I’m at the airport. Like I kind of just took baby steps in that bigger trip and just like, okay, if I get really overwhelmed, I can go to the restroom and take my mask off for a few minutes. I can, like, there were things I could do. And I think that maybe if, if people haven’t been out in a long time and I’ve heard a lot of people have trouble with this right now is like, I’m gonna walk.
[00:26:34] I’m gonna just go in my front yard and sit on the front steps and notice my feelings. Maybe do some tapping, or just notice that let the survival brain realize the front steps, get to be a safe place. And then maybe I’ll walk to the mailbox and back, and just be really present with that step. And, and it’s not about trying to force yourself through because that just treats that lumps more trauma and fear.
[00:26:59] If I’m doing it with willpower and like, Ugh, do it, do it. You bad person. You’re, you know, like you’re just retraumatizing yourself and anchoring those words and that tone with that activity. And you’re gonna hate it even more versus like, oh, I’m gonna go. And I’m just gonna breathe and be here for a minute and not rush back to the house.
[00:27:19] If that’s what it is or clean, you know, put the pen back it’s, it’s allowing yourself to really experience and tolerate that little bit of discomfort that we might be feeling and clear it either with tapping or mindful presence, you know, kind of self talk to ourselves. Hey, survival brain. I know you’re scared.
[00:27:37] This is actually real. Like, let’s look around. This is actually really safe. I like the sunshine on my face, the breeze, whatever it is. Just, just baby steps to anchor that we actually can do this. Hmm, I appreciate the, the sharing and the chat it helps to for Kathy and I to tune to kind of where people are.
[00:27:59] And I,
[00:28:06] the two big, two small making changes, um, in one of the emails I sent out, it talked about trend and I believe that, um, one of the signals that a, a project is too big for our energy is that we don’t follow through. And that’s one part of it. Another part of it is that, um, and again, I’m, I’m intentionally simplifying, maybe oversimplifying, cuz some, sometimes like lack of follow through is a very complex dynamic.
[00:28:48] But for me, a, a project is like a goal. It’s something that I’m, I’m going to go try to do that might be writing a book or doing the sanctuary backyard or something. Now if that’s a big project, then you’re guaranteed this week to have a time where you have no energy for that project. And if it’s not this week, it’ll be next week because our energy varies.
[00:29:27] Um, and that’s one of the things that throws people off is that there’s this kind of expectation that I’m gonna do this project and I’m gonna get it done. And, um, that falls apart. Now imagine the, the difference between like I have this sanctuary project in my backyard, or I am I craft with the palette of nature and it matters to me.
[00:29:57] And it’s something that I take pleasure in. And one of the cool things is that even very small changes when you’re working with nature. Now, that means that I’m grounding this in. What matters to me, my core, the core things that if you asked me well, is, is crafting with nature important to you? Oh yeah.
[00:30:25] Like for me, one of the things that’s really precious to me is I stupid stuff. That’s beautiful. Like the littlest thing, I’ll be walking along a trail and there’ll be this one mushroom. Right. And it’s perfectly positioned to not get stepped on if it was like a quarter inch further over it would’ve been stepped on by so many people, but it’s like found it’s one spa and it just like I’m here and I’m colorful and I’m amazing.
[00:31:04] And like I noticed that this morning, um, so like that matters to me. So going out for a walk. Includes that aspect of, Ooh, this is a time for me to notice that I also want to be someone who, um, moves like part of my identity is someone who moves, who dances. So even though I’m walking, there’s a quality of shifting it up and being able to try things, notice that this has got a long time horizon and there’s no.
[00:31:40] End point in emotional energetic work when you’re making a change. If it lands in the place of what matters to you guess what you can reinforce, that it matters to you to be this person, to, in, to enjoy life in this way, to express my body in this way, to tend to my, my wellbeing in a certain way to, um, to have a chance to laugh today, um, matters to me.
[00:32:14] And that’s, that’s very different than having a to-do item to laugh today or to go and, and dredge the, the six feet section doesn’t mean that you can’t project. But when we’re, when we’re seeking changes, that could have a really significant impact five years from now, 10 years from now, 30 years from now.
[00:32:41] Um, you know, I talked about the trend of like, you know, what, how would you like your body to be with you and the things that matter to you five years from now? And if, if I look at it like, well, I want to be strong. I wanna be, you know, well, that, that feels too big. Like now I’m like, ah, I don’t know if I’ll get there, but if I say I want to cultivate my vitality on a daily basis in some way that fits, like when I had COVID cultivating.
[00:33:16] My vitality that day was lying, sweating on an air mattress, just doing the, like, like a slow snail unwinding of the tensions in my body. That was it. That was my morning mile C, but you know what? It felt like I was being true to myself. And that’s part of the, it’s not too big or not too small, but it is definite.
[00:33:46] It, it, it’s true to you. And you can imagine your future self appreciating 10 years from now. Hey, you know that dollar a day didn’t seem. Squat when we started it. But you know, we get to have a vacation right now with our family and we get to pay for it because we, we have that in our freedom fund, or we got to have this experience and this experience that we probably wouldn’t have felt like we were free to do.
[00:34:18] Um, as an example, I think one of the things I’ve noticed when you’re talking is that it’s a lot about the process. Like there’s a lot, like I want my house to look a certain way. I want my body to look a certain way. I want my garden to look a certain way and we have this end out picture versus, and that’s hard to be, people were talking about it’s really hard to be consistent and follow through versus.
[00:34:42] Can I love the muscles in my body today and just like invite, okay, arms. We’re gonna just do a few things. I’m just gonna be really present and do this lovingly for you. And I’m gonna notice the dopamine from, from doing that. Like, wow, I like that. My, my arms feel happy. I feel happy. I did this for me or tree.
[00:35:00] What branch should would I prune to? Like make you a little more graceful and, and beautiful. That would make you happy and healthy and make my S you know, add to the, how can I add a little bit to this versus I wanna, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with having end goals, but a lot of times we get this very fixed picture and we wanna jump right there.
[00:35:20] And then our system is like, no, that’s like, it will evolve if we love our love, the process of it. If we are just with it, like, I wanna be much more active in social media with my business. Okay. I wanna have already done that. But you know how much you have already done this but OK. Writing one tweet, that’s too little, but what if I could write that tweet with love and send it out to the universe and, and hope it touches somebody’s heart and just be with the process of it.
[00:35:51] And also clear my own blocks. Like, oh, what if nobody sees this? What if it’s the wrong thing? What if I, you know, like what if someone attacks me, if I can clear those blocks on those little steps and make the steps small enough that I can actually be loving and present with myself? Like what branch do I wanna trim?
[00:36:12] What weed do I wanna pull? What stone do I wanna move in? Very loving presence and make it a very spiritual process of creating the thing I wanna have when we break those small steps down small, too small can be just right. Um, I think that’s really that’s. I think that’s gonna be one of my new mantras.
[00:36:32] Like if we’re looking for, if we have resistance around this, the very smallest of the baby steps allows us to be present with the resistances and fears that come up, allows us to be present with the cells in our body and the, the energy of our body as we, as we do the thing. And that can really help us clear and, and pave the way for future.
[00:36:55] But we just have to be with the thing we’re doing right now. Like, oh, I’m gonna put this pen over there, but I’m gonna do it. Oh, pen. Do you wanna be this way or this way? I think this way. Okay. And I’m gonna put you in the front. Does that feel okay? Oh, I think that feels really good. I’m gonna, you know, I’m gonna do that cuz it feels good to me and the pen and my desk to create that.
[00:37:16] And it’s sort of creating this spiritual center around.
[00:37:23] Yeah, so emotion, energy and motion. Um, and that’s, you know, that was one of the key blocks that we’re talking about just to refresh we’re we’re looking at when something feels too big, acknowledging, Hey, I I’ve made this big, um, maybe through my awareness of all the different aspects and all the different challenges and everything else.
[00:37:50] I’m I, maybe I like that my, I have a capacity to be aware of. All of that. I’m not like I’m not my mind. Isn’t simple. And what, what matters to me that I can, I can engage with and with a, an amount of time and energy that feels nourishing and right balanced for where I am and, and the experience that I want.
[00:38:21] You said Kathy, like, um, it’s, it’s kind of a silly example, but, um, our yard is really crazy. We were gone for three weeks, um, and there was this weed sticking up on the side of the driveway and it just was bothering me. And all I did was stomp it and now it’s not sticking up anymore. now for now trivial amount of sanctuary work, but.
[00:38:51] Rick feels better. and it’s it’s energy moving now, as I think about it, I could definitely make the whole front yard really too big. But now I think about, you know, there’s just a couple of grasses and things that are coming out of the, the front, um, the front stone work. And if I just pull those out, um, It’s gonna look neater.
[00:39:17] It’s not gonna be done. There’s no, there’s no done. When it comes to a garden. In my, my experience, it’s a living meditation, right? Like health or gardening or strength and flexibility or money and business engagements. And all of these are infinite games to me. And when put into that context, now we’re bringing a different kind of creativity to it.
[00:39:47] Um, uh there’s there was an article posted, you’ll see it above the replay. Um, but it talked about. There’s there’s a time when we put focused and directed energy into, into doing something. And then there’s the kind of the freeform energy where we get ideas and the like, and I believe that in our Western culture, um, most of the time people are to do listing themselves.
[00:40:18] Someone even mentioned like an infinite to do list. I will tell you that if I did a, to do list of everything that I need to do, like if I say, what do you need to do, Rick? It would have 8,000 items on it. I would be crying and I would feel like I there’s nothing I can do with my life instead. I look at some things in a month that are meaningful and I write and I put like, why would it be meaningful?
[00:40:52] I’m working on a little introductory course for the circle members. Why is that meaningful to me? Because I’m really excited about the people that are joining and the resource that we have, and it’s not obvious. And if I had something that I could point people to, it would feel really good to me. I don’t have a specific deadline.
[00:41:11] I don’t even say that it has to be a certain thing, but as I meander along my path, looking at mushrooms, ideas will come to me and sometimes I’ll put energy into it and others they’ll go away. But to me, that’s, that’s a thriving engagement with something that matters to me, my, my work, which supports my family and supports my community.
[00:41:36] Um, and I’m getting an opportunity to feel into. Without it all being in a to-do list, cuz again, I see people come up with these projects and to-do lists and then they realize they don’t have the time. They don’t have the money, they don’t have the energy and they don’t have the support to do it. When you really, if looked at co creatively that there there’s so many opportunities to pick something small, that would be meaningful, snip off a flower and bring it inside.
[00:42:11] You know? Um, we have a lot of EIA that grows rather wildly along the front, this season, we cut one of them and brought it in and it was there in our kitchen in just a single vase for. Three weeks. It lasted. It was like, wow. Um, and that changed the energy. And that’s why I say like, you don’t necessarily have to, um, uh, well, we’re, we’re inviting us when we feel like it’s too small.
[00:42:48] What’s the use it’s too big. I can’t do it to drop into this place of I’m open to something ridiculously small. It would feel true to me. Good to me. Yeah. I think of that. The intent behind it. So the person talking about wanting to create this garden, this sanctuary, what is it that you want to experience?
[00:43:12] And we’re often taught by media. We like, we have to buy this, like it has to have this fancy ground pool and these Towery Maples and this like paved landscape or whatever versus. I I noticed with my home, I’ve really tried to make it a home that feels inviting and safe and quiet. My grandparents created this space when he went into their home, you just kind of went.
[00:43:36] Huh. Um, and I wanted to create that. And I haven’t, I mean, it’s more by intention and, and thinking about like, what would add ease to people’s lives? Like what adds a loving expression and people often come and say, your house feels very quiet and calm and, and, and I feel welcome there. And that’s like, oh, that’s really what I wanted.
[00:43:58] My brain can get busy. And like, I haven’t replaced the windows. I really wanna redo the floor. I, you know, I haven’t done the bathroom. Like I can get into all those things to doing to doing. Is it getting big? it’s I can spend a hundred thousand dollars tomorrow. You get OK. Yeah. Yeah. But the, the energy of my home would not necessarily change.
[00:44:18] I can make it big. I can make it big. I, I can make it overwhelmingly big. I can make it overwhelmingly big. So yeah, I can make it into a big deal. I can make it into a big deal under the eye. Do I do that very often? Do I do that very often? No. Am I doing that about this? Am I doing that about this, Jen? What if I shifted my energy a bit?
[00:44:42] What if I shifted my energy a bit gall bone, use some skill, use some skill under the arm, get focused on my intentions, get focused on my intentions and the small infinite ways that I can support that. And the small infinite ways I can support that bit more long term, a bit more long term and less project focused and less project focused.
[00:45:13] that’s an invitation again, like they’re people, that project focus is the, is what works for them. They love that kind of container. And for me, with my, my own creativity and energy, the infinite game, um, makes a big difference. Yeah. Um, well, I like the, if we’re doing it baby, step a day, like each day we’re taking, we can, if we’re being present, we can modify.
[00:45:39] So if we, if we’re like taking a thousand miles a day kind of approach, we’re already there, like we’re just like will powering it through. We get there and it may not be what we really wanted to have versus if we’re gonna, like, I’m gonna take a mindful step and build the muscles for being mindful and loving and like kind of feeling how it feels to me.
[00:45:58] I might realize after a couple steps that. Oh, that might not be quite where I wanna go. How, let me feel into that. I think that’s a little more where I wanna go. So I’m gonna try that. Oh, so GPS corrects, like if you’re sitting still GPS, can’t, you know, if you’re sitting in your car and you turn on your GPS, I’ll go go east.
[00:46:18] And I’m like, I don’t know which way east is. Uh, so I just start driving and then it’s like, okay, idiot, turnaround, um, or, you know, take a left, but in until if we’re moving slow at first, we’re getting used to our navigation system, our internal navigation. We’re learning how we wanna create this. And we can co-create it with the universe rather than trying to force our will.
[00:46:44] and we can navigate like, oh, I really thought I wanted a pool here, but I’m really noticing the sunshines just beautifully over here in the morning. I’d really like a hammock here instead, or a bench or a small fountain to that I can sit next to, as we’re taking those baby steps, a lot of awareness comes to us.
[00:47:03] And I think that sometimes when we’re noticing resistance to taking really big steps, it’s because we haven’t gotten that clarity yet. Yeah. There’s just not like I have an idea of an outcome, but I haven’t co-created it with this space and this energy. yeah. Ah, top of the head, small steps. Let me adjust small steps.
[00:47:28] Let me adjust eyebrow. It lets me build trust and resilience with myself. It lets me build trust and resiliency with myself by the eye. It changes my clarity. It changes my clarity under the eye and the actions I’ll choose. And the actions I’ll choose under the nose. I couldn’t be true to myself. I couldn’t be true to myself.
[00:47:48] I can be true to or can be true to myself. What if I can be true to myself? What if I can be true to myself? Oh, what if I can be true to what matters? What if I can be true to what matters under the arm without making it so big without making it so big, even though my primitive brain often feels like that’s useful, that’s useful.
[00:48:16] Um, so one of the things I’d love, if you, if you feel up to it, if you like, I like to come to these calls with a pen and paper, but either in the chat or here, think about the thing that you decided the beginning of the, of the call that you would like to focus on. And if you can write down a few baby steps that you think, and I would make some of them smaller, like a ten second, one ten second step, like I’m gonna put this pen in the, in the, the pen drawer.
[00:48:45] Some of them could be like a two minute step. Maybe one is, you know, one or two or a five or 10 minute step, but just write those down and to start your brain thinking to notice that even bigger projects can be broken down into small steps. If you write those down the too little, this is too little, probably will come up really strong.
[00:49:06] So I’d like to give you just like 30 seconds to jot down a few ideas. Well, I’d like to take our break here. Oh, take our break here. Okay. Yeah, we’re gonna take us up break and then we’ll tap on those things. We, that sounds great. Um, if you’re watching the replay, hi, um, we invite you to take a break here too.
[00:49:24] Um, and we’ll be back here. If you think it’s too small to write down those things, realize that’s probably your brain avoiding this whole thing. Uh,
[00:49:36] Welcome back. Yes. Um, Kathy, you wanted to do some tapping on it’s just too small. It won’t matter. Yeah. I think sometimes we’ll write it down. Like if I wrote down one of my small steps for clearing my desk is like, I wanna put this pen in the thing. It actually takes longer to write than to do it. Um, you know, or I’d like to take the dishes to the sink, like whatever the small steps were, my brain gets really busy and this is just too small.
[00:50:00] Like it’s not gonna make a difference. So if you can just get present with the, the small steps that you wrote down and notice what’s going on in your body and just take a nice deep breath. Mm-hmm karate chop, even though this is just too. even though this just is too small. I don’t even wanna bother. I don’t even want to bother it’s more work than to write it down than to do it.
[00:50:28] It’s more work to write it down than to do it, but I still haven’t done it, but I still haven’t done it. I make it
[00:50:38] too unimportant to do what if I could shift my belief around this? What if I could shift my belief around this top of the head? What if it’s not just moving that one pen? What if it’s not just moving one pen? I bro, what if it’s being present with my body as I move that pen? What if it’s being present with my body when I’m moving the pen side of the eye and noticing what resistance has.
[00:51:06] and noticing the resistance that comes up under the eye. It’s shoveling that first little bit of snow on the walk. It’s shoveling that first little bit of snow on the walk under the notice so I can get better traction later so I can get better traction later. Chin, it’s not just about moving the pen.
[00:51:24] It’s not just about moving the pen collarbone. It’s about creating a dance with myself and my environment. It’s about being in the dance of myself and my environment under the arm and noticing the resistances and fears as they come up and noticing the resistances and fears that come up top of the head.
[00:51:44] I’m open to giving that a try. I am open to giving that a try and noticing how I feel and noticing how I feel and just take a breath.
[00:51:57] And I would, if you can, like, if you have something really small like that, see if you can be present with a texture of the pen and your muscles as you like go and do that. And I think that that brings a different part of our energy awareness versus I’m gonna mindfully force my body to do that thing.
[00:52:15] I’m gonna use my willpower to make myself do it. Um, we can make a big difference on how we interact with our world. So someone wrote in the chat, when I was thinking of small steps, I heard voices of my family saying that would not work lots of criticism. And this is. Very like in our community, a lot of us had experiences like that.
[00:52:40] Some were pervasive and, and really impactful. Um, and that’s why this is a real skill. This isn’t just an, oh, oh, I just have to do this. This is a skill where in our methodology here, it says, oh, I hear these voices of my family. Guess what family, this isn’t about you. This is about what matters to me.
[00:53:05] Notice I bring it back to my core. Hey, This isn’t even about the doing or success and failure. This is about, I want to have these experiences. I want to do these types of things. It’s true to who I am and who I want to be going forward. Maybe it’s not really big and true right now. Maybe I’m not particularly physically strong, but being alive and in my body and appreciating that and nurturing its strength, um, you know, yeah, noisy.
[00:53:40] But this is about, this is about what matters to me, including like, You can also then include, like, I wanna bring a healthy body into my dance with others, into my relationships and to my, my, um, you know, tending to my resources. There’s a lot of things that you can ground yourself and that’s a skill. It, it takes in practice and there’s a certain quality of giving the finger to the voices in your head say, listen, this is not about that.
[00:54:14] It’s about something very different. This isn’t. Yeah, I get it. That won’t work cuz yeah, your, your whole paradigm was screwed up and you inherently, can we do a little tapping on that? Cause I think that, I think that helps karate chop. Hey survival brain. Hey survival brain. I know you keep hearing mom and dad say that will never work.
[00:54:36] I know you hear mom and dad saying that would never, that’s never gonna work. And when we were little, it was important to live in their world. yeah, when I was little, it was impossible to avoid. not living in their world. So you conformed sometimes my, my brain conformed and you’re still hearing their voice now and their voice is still there now.
[00:55:03] And I have really good news for you. And I have really good news. They’re not here right this minute. They are not here. Top of that. It’s just a recording in your head. It’s a recording in my head. I know. And they were wrong about a lot of things and they were wrong about so many things. side of the eye.
[00:55:24] What if they’re wrong about this one too? Yeah, they’re wrong about this one too? Under the eye. It’s okay to try. It’s okay. To try under the nose. We may not get it right. The first go. We may not get it right. The first go. And what does it even mean to get it right? Yeah. And we can be present and modify as we.
[00:55:44] We can get, be present and modify as we go pone. When you hear that old echo of their voice, when you hear that old echo of their voice, maybe it can remind us to be grateful that we escaped. Remind, remind us to be great, uh, that we can be grateful that we escaped top of the head and we can do a lot of things different than they did.
[00:56:07] And we can do a lot of things differently than they did starting with this, starting with this, continuing with this. Yeah.
[00:56:18] I do think a lot of times, like it’s, there’s nothing wrong with having bigger goals and pictures and like aim for the stars. Maybe hit the moon or whatever, aim for the moon. He hit the stars. Whatever the saying is, but each day we take steps towards it. It’s a rededication towards what we wanna create and a reimagining of like, oh, I kind of like the experience I would have.
[00:56:42] If I felt strong, I would like the experience of, of being, having a clean desk. I would like the experience of having the sanctuary in the backyard. What’s something I can do for even a few minutes that how can I rededicate myself to that, that image? And over time, it’s like, it builds up just like, you know, if we tap pretty regularly, we start clearing our energy system.
[00:57:05] If we do a little bit in the yard several days a week, it starts becoming that sanctuary. It starts getting a different energy about it. The desk gets clean, the, the arm gets stronger, but it’s a rededication like Rick every day, going out to do his walk. Um, and glad that felt good. Someone shared. . Mm. Do you want to do some tapping with, we have a person that would like to do some tapping?
[00:57:32] Yeah. If you’d like to do that, does that feel like a good time? Mm-hmm so if you, uh, you message us in the chat that you wanna. Hey, is it okay to use your name? Uh, let’s ask unmute, if you wanna go ahead and unmute. Yeah. Is it okay to use your name?
[00:57:55] It’s okay to use. Say. Do you wanna describe what you wanna tap on? So, uh, I have to start, uh, treatment for my, uh, stomach issues and it’s required taking medication for two, three months, like five, six times a day. It’s very challenging. And I feel like, um, skipping one day, it’s not allowed because I’m afraid if I’m not gonna take meds one day, whole treatment will fail.
[00:58:34] Okay. Any your doctor confirm that? Yes. And, uh, this treatment, it’s not taking one medication and it’s multiple medication and also experimenting this different one, which one worked better for me. Okay. So, and another layer with, I try to do this treatment for a couple of years. And because of my depression and struggle with like mental health, uh, uh, I mean, it’s hard for me to even start.
[00:59:09] Right. Right. I feel very overwhelming. Mm-hmm what do you feel in your body when you think about either com like saying I’m gonna start on a certain day or just like, what do you notice in your body when you think about it? I’m noticing a lot of anxiety and a lot of overwhelm. Okay. And what do you tell yourself?
[00:59:32] Why are you anxious if you started this. I will never follow up. Like I start something I’m excited about. Not only excited. I feel pressure mostly because it’s pain. It’s a good motivator for me. Yeah. But the same time it’s it’s like push ball. Yeah. Okay. Crady chop, even though I have this conflict about starting this, even though I have this conflict about starting this part of me wants to move ahead.
[01:00:06] Part of me wants to move ahead. Part of me is afraid. I’ll fail. Part of me is afraid I fail and I might be afraid of other things too. And I might be afraid of other things too. I can just be here with myself right now. I can just be here with myself right now, even though I’m really scared about doing this even so I’m really concerned about doing it.
[01:00:36] I’m not sure I can follow through. Yeah, I’m not sure I can follow through. The actual steps are quite small. The actual steps. It’s small, very small. I just have to swallow some pills. I just have to swallow some pills top of the head, but I’m afraid I won’t follow through, but I’m afraid I will not follow through.
[01:00:59] I wrote a lot of little steps. It’s a lot of little steps side of the eye, and I’m worried that I won’t be able to do this. And I’m worried I will not be able to do this under the eye. What if I fail? What if I fail under the nose, what if I don’t? What if I don’t Tim? I can swallow some pills. I can swallow some pills, collarbone, but can I do it five times a day?
[01:01:30] Every day? Uh, can I do it five times a day? Every day? I mean, there, sometimes I have really rough days. Very often. I have very rough days top of the head will I follow through on those days? And I know I’m not always following on those days. Yeah. I wrote what can I do to set myself up to win? What can I do to set myself up to side of the eye?
[01:02:00] What is it that I need support wise? What do I need support with? I’m not quite sure what will set me up to win. I’m not quite sure what will set me up for then under the nose, but I really I’m curious what that might be. I’m really curious what it might be. Jen. I could set a timer on my phone. I can set timer on my phone collarbone.
[01:02:27] I could get one of those pill dispensers. I definitely already have two dispensers under the arm. Maybe I could make a commitment for the first week. Every time I take my pills. I’ll I’ll message the circle. Oh, maybe I make a commitment for first week. If time I take a pill, I will message the circle top of that.
[01:02:50] I bet they’ll support me and encourage me. I am absolutely so sure they will support me and encourage me. Oh, you’re not sure. I am absolutely sure. Oh, absolutely. Sure. Yeah. I wrote, what else do I need for support here? What else do I need to support here side of the eye? Is there a drink that helps me swallow the pills easily?
[01:03:13] It’s there a drink that help me swallow pills easily under the eye. Maybe I could have some of that on hand. Maybe I can have this some, yeah, under the nose. Maybe I can get a new, special glass to remind me that I’m doing this for my health. Oh, maybe I can get special cup to help me to reminded that I do it for my house.
[01:03:38] Yeah. Chin, maybe I can set rewards if I do it for a full day and a full week, maybe I can set reward that I can do it for whole day and whole week color ball things. I could treat myself for doing it. Things that I can treat myself for doing it under the arm. Things that would appeal to me even when I’m stuck.
[01:04:02] Things that would appeal to me even where I’m stuck on top of the head, or even when I’m having a rough day or even when I’m having a rough day and just take a breath and see how that feels.
[01:04:21] It’s bring some perspective, but what come up mm-hmm it’s I need the guarantees that the treatment will work and I build it better. Okay. Yeah. That’s, it’s a lot of investment with the UN. Yeah. When we have uncertainty, we often have resistance. Um, our survival brains, like the risk reward profile is unknown.
[01:04:43] So how can I know whether it’s worth the effort and maybe like, I don’t need to concentrate a hundred percent recovery. Maybe if I can concentrate, I will get better for 1%, but a smaller goal. Yeah. Yeah. Like, I imagine if you felt 10% better, that would, that might be worth a couple months of investment in this.
[01:05:06] Yeah. So, um, yeah, we, you might wanna talk to your doctor about how likely it is that you’ll get a, you know, a reason, some kind of measurable increase in, in feeling better. It’s no guaranteed at all. Unfortunately. No. Okay. So I would encourage you, like if you, you know, be with yourself and like try, you know, like, does this feel like a yes, I am.
[01:05:28] What, where you are, you’re having a lot of health problems you’re struggling and it’s unknown. If that would make a difference or not. So like, You know, be with yourself and see what your guidance and your doctor suggest. But in terms of the taking the steps, I hate that you, you know, it feels sad that you, if this might help for you and it’s a yes for you, the fear of like that commitment of every day, I think it’s just every moment, like it’s a recommitment five times a day, I’m doing this for my health.
[01:05:58] And I think if you take them with the intention of improving your health and the kindness to your body and being gentle, that might help as well. Like your body would be getting a dose of, of gentle care. If that makes sense. Thank you so much. Yeah. Thank you so much for stepping forward. I’ll go ahead and meet you.
[01:06:18] Um, and that’s Rick and I were talking about that, just these big things. Like we’re not against big projects, but if we can set ourselves up to win. So when I was first talking to people and, and sharing things, I didn’t like, I’d be like, uh, I really don’t, you know, like, I’d be really awkward. Like I don’t wanna go see that movie.
[01:06:38] Like, can we see something else or can I, you know, can I sit by the window or can I, you know, can I pay you back later? It was just like little things like. Disagreeing. And I started getting the muscles for it, but some of the more complicated, uh, topics I did get, um, some, a coach to come and sit and talk with me with this, with another person.
[01:07:00] Um, I, I practiced the conversation with people beforehand. I also had like, Rick, I’m gonna have that conversation with this person. Can you be available like for the next hour? Cuz I don’t know how it’s gonna go. Like we don’t have to, when we have big things, which is it’s, you know, we wanna make big changes in the world.
[01:07:17] We’re human. We wanna have an impact. Um, I think it’s very important to work up with the baby steps first, if we can to kind of build the muscles and the habit and the practice. But when you get to big things, we wanna try to either break them down into baby steps. Like, oh I have this big project. Can I break it down?
[01:07:35] Or if, and or how, what support can I put in place? What, you know, like. How can I make sure that I have what I need to go ahead and do this? And I don’t have to do it all, all the emotional lifting doesn’t have to be on me. Yeah. Thank you. Um, there’s uh, the, the specific situation reminds me that we can make, we can make the outcome, um, what we need to have happen.
[01:08:09] Um, so big that it can feel impossible and maybe it literally is like, for something that’s not guaranteed. And I, there’s very little that I do in my life. That’s guaranteed including this call. Right. Like, um, I, I notice that’s one of the ways that I can make it too big to a requirement that’s too big. So.
[01:08:37] If my requirement was that I had to walk every single day, I would’ve broken the requirement and I would’ve fallen off. Um, and so what I, what I did is because that was too big and I could feel the resistance, which is guidance, resistance. Isn’t always bad. It can be guidance that you’re setting yourself up, not to win.
[01:09:02] You’re setting yourself up to, to be very stressed, drained, and have to like drive forward and push. I said things like, you know, yeah. It’s a morning mile, but it’s actually like if I’m exhausted or limping or whatever, I just set a timer and I walk a certain distance out and I walk a D you know, not even who knows how D how far it is.
[01:09:23] I can walk out my front door and walk to the car. And if it’s like, no, I don’t feel like going out. I can turn around, but it’s, I’m. I made that change in my life, which was really a change. Like I was allergic to exercise. It couldn’t smell like exercise. It had to be grounded in things that I valued both for myself and in my relationships.
[01:09:48] Um, if I was gonna have to take pills five times a day for three months, I would have to really like, reach into my heart and say, why the fuck am I doing this? Cause it is so out of my nature, to do that, you know? Oh, Well, life’s precious to me. Yeah. And this is a way for me to have a possibility for it to be a bit sweeter, a bit less painful and.
[01:10:18] That’s the type of person I am until I die. Um, and so we, we ground ourselves in something that I believe you can, you can feel more in the core of your body. If you have a requirement, it often is in your is like literally like a specification. It has to, like, I have to make a thousand dollars on this, or it’s not worth doing, uh, like there’s nothing that I start that I know I can make a thousand dollars that could have an exit that if okay, if we don’t.
[01:10:57] I’m gonna do all this work and we don’t, we aren’t gonna make a thousand dollars on it. It actually, isn’t a good use of our life force and we’re gonna redirect that someplace else. That’s an exit. It could be that, um, you know, you, you say, and you explore in this two big, two big, a requirement too lower, a requirement, too smaller requirement.
[01:11:21] Like what is it? It’s like, you know, I, I believe that after six months of walking, mostly every day that I would notice a change in my body that was pleasing to me. And that was. It wasn’t big. It wasn’t like, wow, Rick, what have you been doing with your life? Nobody said anything like that. I just noticed that when I was, I had more spring, I had more vitality.
[01:11:57] I was more emotionally resilient. It when things got really hard and that was pleasing to me, mm-hmm so you can come up with small, um, checkpoints. If it’s something you don’t have to necessarily devote yourself to 30 years, but I really do believe that a thriving lifestyle has things that matter to us, that we have ways of expressing that aren’t necessarily.
[01:12:27] Binary outcomes healed, not healed. Um, you know, able to run a, a triathlon, not able to run a triathlon. Those are, those are binaries. They work, they work for some people. They actually are very destructive for my energy. When I get, when I get into a, um, well, this has to happen. If I went through a crisis with thriving now, early on where I had set up a number of these requirements for how big the circle had to be, how, how many people I had to touch their lives, how many people had to be subscribers and all of this and how it had to grow.
[01:13:08] And I almost stopped being a coach because my requirement was, was not really what my heart. Being nor was it what was necessary for me to have a sustainable thriving life. It was just this big idea that I was driving toward and it almost, it almost knocked me out. Well, isn’t that doing something that was work for me?
[01:13:34] I, I think also that we can Al like you were making it too big. And I also think if we’ve been stuck for a while, I’ve noticed for myself, if I start making a little pro, I’m doing these baby steps and it feels really good. And maybe, you know, initially I’m making some pretty big improvements. So like I cleaned up, I spent twice as long today, or I did it twice as fast or whatever my brain likes to project into the future.
[01:13:56] And it’s like, if I could do it twice as fast today by next week, I should be three times as fast. And then. I would be a supermodel on the runway and everyone will be bowing down in front. Like my brain gets all excited. There’s adrenaline rush, like, oh my God, I’m making progress. I’m gonna get all the way there.
[01:14:12] And then I shut myself down, cuz I’ve gone. Like you did with the, the, making it too big. And just remember that that can happen. If you start with the baby steps, you start to see some. Notice that, oh, I’m starting to get a little adrenaly, I’m starting to get too far in the future and see if you can gently, um, bring yourself back and maybe we can do a little tapping on that if, if you agree, Rick.
[01:14:38] Yeah. Um, be happy to, and the, the, um,
[01:14:47] when you find something that’s a, that that is a sustainable sweet spot. Um, I’m just gonna add, uh, make any kind of doubling or incrementally doing, you know, pushing yourself to do more, something that you really consider because that’s where people snowball and they get out of what like 5,000 steps a day is my target.
[01:15:11] My mother who’s 83 has 10,000 steps a day. Like she’s a, she’s a mess. If she doesn’t get her 10,000 steps, like the level of self. Um, self recrimination that she gets, if she doesn’t get her 10,000 steps is just like, and you know, on days when I do seven or eight, it might be a really great day. But if I change my, my kind of how I’m monitoring things to match other people or.
[01:15:48] To like people who are, who are trying to use their weight, lose their weight, um, to use the vernacular, but they’re using energy that they’ve stored up and they, they make some progress and they go, well, okay, well, if I, if I gave up all of these other things, well, I’m gonna go faster. But then all of a sudden they’re flooded with all the stored emotions and they’re knocked off.
[01:16:09] Whereas having a trend that it feels really like sustainable for your body. Um, and maybe like on the SI silly, stupid small scale, um, actually has a longer lifetime impact. So would you like to lead us in the topic that you yeah, karate chop? What if I have some success with these small steps? What if I have some success with these small steps?
[01:16:38] Sometimes my brain will run away with me. . Often my brain will run away with me. It creates these big dreams. It creates these big dreams. There’s bigger expectations. all kinds of expectations. all, all the expectations and it can knock me off my horse and it can knock me off my horse. I gently invite my system to come back to here.
[01:17:02] And now I gently invite my system to come back to here and now on top of the hip, but I wanna be there. It’s so exciting. I want to be there. It’s so exciting. I brow I can feel the adrenaline rushing through my body. I can feel the adrenaline rushing through my body. Get it go. I invite myself to come back to here and now I invite myself to come back to here.
[01:17:27] And now under the eye, I can be mindful and present with this moment. I can be mindful and present with this moment under the nose. It’s a li a living meditation. It’s a living meditation and it’s a skill. Yeah, Jen, I notice my brain is running away. I can definitely notice my brain run away, color bone, and I bring it gently and lovingly back to here and now, and I bring it gently and lovingly and sometimes firmly back to here.
[01:17:59] And now under the arm, I did make some progress. I did make some progress top of the head, and I can really appreciate that. And I can really appreciate that while I stay present with here. And now, well, I stay present with here and now just take a nice deep breath.
[01:18:22] I just noticed that it’s okay. That we get caught up in the adrenaline and then just gently like a, like when Aira is, is really tired. It’s like, okay, honey, we’re going to bed. We’re gonna calm down. We’re gonna like, ah, no gently softly train ourselves, come back to here. And now mm-hmm so I, we hope that, you know, when, when we look at real skills in these workshops, what we’re like, the fundamental here is about getting clarity and being able to take action that nourishes you.
[01:18:57] That’s part of the. The thriving life that you want and grounding that. And what matters to you being aware of what matters to you and, and that being your energetic come from, which also allows it for, to be what gets nourished each time. Um, I admit I’ve been trained to get the quick dopamine rush the win, um, and that’s not thriving for, that’s not like a great thriving lifestyle for me.
[01:19:26] I there’s a, there’s all these different palettes of, of different experiences that are rich in my, in my world. Now that have come from doing things like this work, um, oh, it feels too big. I look at my dishes. Oh dear God. right too big. Now, if I turn away from. It’s not like they’re gonna be fewer for the workshop.
[01:19:55] Okay. There’s just, there’s, there’s no magical world where the fairies have arrived for me. Um, my, my partner has other very key responsibilities that involve, you know, um, things that I can’t do. um, and so. If I, when I do this work and I say, oh, it’s too big. It invites me to come back to what matters to me.
[01:20:27] Well, I do like, I do like being someone of service. I like having, um, a house that feels tended to, I like being someone who’s flexible with myself and my own energy about when it’s right. So I, I’m not like I want to have that freedom as well. The freedom to say no without recrimination. Um, I love that kind of skill.
[01:20:52] Took a lot to develop that coming from the family I had. Um, and then there’s the, well, what feels right to me, if I’m not needing the hit of winning by finishing, then what often happens is, oh, I clean the coffee pot. Now the coffee pot is clean. I don’t need to do it after the workshop. I don’t know what’s gonna get done after the workshop, but I know that by tending to that feeling of too big and blocking away or the, the, the counterpart, like what’s the use of just doing the coffee pot when there’s, you know, the dinner, the, the soup, the bop B all of that’s still there too.
[01:21:38] Uh, you notice how I have, I can do something that feels good for the energy of me, my expression, the energy of the space, the we space that I share. And my future self has less because I’ve used my energy in that way. Um, it’s, it’s a, it’s a different paradigm. Um, it’s a con conceptual framework to use a technical term of like, how do we use our energy and direct it, get our clarity and put it into action.
[01:22:17] Um, there is nothing wrong with big goals and huge dreams and things like that. If that has not worked beautifully well for you trying this out is something I really invite. Um, so thank you so much for engaging. Thank you, Kathy. For co-creating. Yeah, that was so great to be here. And I can’t wait to see how the baby steps work for you.
[01:22:37] Um, mm-hmm I, I hope all of you have lots of successful baby steps. Yeah. We’d love to hear more out thriving now at center, um, which is where the replay will be posted. And, uh, you are welcome to participate and engage with us all there. So, bye everyone.

We covered…

  • We can get wrapped up in trying to find the “just perfect” (the Goldilocks syndrome) and be blocked from what would work for us.
  • Sometimes “too small” is “just right” for where we are and our energy. Baby steps for the win!
  • Too Big overwhelms our system and can activate procrastination. It can be too big in terms of time, energy, money, confidence, or “requirements” to be considered a “success.”
  • EFT Tapping can shift us from primitive brain “too muching” or “not enoughing” into a clearer place where action is natural.
  • Ground and activate yourself based on what matters to you and your identity as a way of thriving. It’s different from “goal” and “project” orientation – which is a Good Thing when we’re wanting to make changes and be thriving!

Resources Mentioned

  1. Free EFT Tapping Guide

  2. Thriving Now Emotional Freedom Circle

Great to have you on this journey with us!