The Drama Triangle- resources

The Drama Triangle is often used to help people step out of patterns in relationships. And I’m noticing more and more that I have the Drama Triangle running in my internal life.

We can switch between different roles in different situations or even moment to moment.

All of the roles are reactive and triggered. Once people see the patterns, they often find it easier to step out and adopt more powerful options.

Persecutor/Prosecutor: This is the blaming, judgey voice that shames and tells you what you did wrong. A bully, self-righteous. This is from the fight (in flight/fight/freeze) and is activated and reactive response.

Help/Rescuer: This role is the toxic helper. The enabler. This part will help distract/deflect and solve things short term… Not addressing the fundamental problem. The person who gives a fish sandwich each day- so they can prove they are worthwhile and needed, rather than teaching someone how to fish. Internally, this part might have you eat, watch tv, shop, sleep, gamble, drink rather than feel feelings and heal, or address problems.

Victim: Helpless, powerless, needs rescuing. Freeze/collapse mode in survival brain. This part is overwhelmed and feels like nothing will ever change.

Once we recognize the roles we’re playing… We can step out and choose better roles.

Instead of Persecutor, choose Champion. Encourage, look for positives, and cheerleading.

Instead of Rescuer choose Coach. Teach, empower, and remind that this can get better!

Instead of Victim, choose Creator. Find the gold in the pain, and take baby steps to step out of freeze and fix the problem.

Some resources: The Drama Triangle | Transactional Analysis Games | Lauren Kress - YouTube
Understanding the Drama Triangle vs. Presence - YouTube

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Mmmm, I like it! I also like the way you re-cast the Challenger into the Champion. I’ve seen this kind of diagram in many places over the years, and “challenger” never felt quite right to me:

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That we can internalize the drama triangle and fulfill all 3 roles also encourages us to internalize the Upgrade.

  • We can coach ourselves – and each other – to remind us this can get better.

  • We can create – and co-create – ways to get needs met in healthier, more thriving ways.

  • And we can be champions and celebrators for each other… in real ways that acknowledge challenges while making it clear we’re in this Together (whether parts of me… or parts of We).

Thank you @Cathy!

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Yes- I like Champion better than Challenger- it feels less confronting and aggressive. I need more cheerleading, less harshness where I’ve been blamed or blaming.

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