I find occupying Me-Space very easy…it’s where I spend most of my time most comfortably. Hermiting. It’s my hiding place…it’s where I retreat to…away from others…and I often bring with me a feeling of 'just leave me alone please’. I don’t like to feel that I’m being pulled out of Me-Space by a request from We-Space. I recall I wasn’t always this way but I think events in later life (many years of overwhelm and unmanageable uncertainty as a single parent) led me to this way of being. It’s a strange impulse when I exam it because I felt so incredibly isolated during those years and yet my response is to isolate myself. Funny!
So, We-Space is a tough nut to crack for me. It asks me to be more vulnerable and interactive. I’m great at parties and social activities but it’s the day to day idea of interacting with others in more mundane and intensely intimate ways that makes me feel vulnerable and unsafe and trapped. If it’s an interaction that isn’t framed by ‘I’m here to have a brief period of playful fun and I can leave whenever I feel like it…’. then I just want to get back to seclusion…‘Me-Space’ with a sign on the door reading ‘Do Not Disturb’.
In the ‘Which-Real-Skills-Matter-To-You-Right-Now’ thread my mind immediately is aware of which skills are more oriented toward a We-Space or a Me-Space. I noticed, not surprisingly, that the skills I chose could easily be seen as primarily Me-Space oriented. I also noticed my reaction to those who chose very obvious We-Space skills and my sense of almost disbelief that someone (in their right mind) would choose something that so obviously involved people other than themselves!! That’s how oriented away from We-Space I currently am.
I feel it even in our Tapping Circle…somedays I feel a part of it and many days I feel apart from it. It’s a dynamic tension.
Most often to me my experience of We-Space is felt as ‘Them and Me Space’. That feels lonely…self-isolating and I don’t like it. I have a desire to be more involved and intimate with We-Space but I’m not sure how to start that…it feels very threatening to me. I think there’s a lot of feelings of shame…shame around failure…not being good enough…that sort of thing, that I’m wanting to keep secret. Something like that…
I think you could even think of people as belonging to one of two camps…those that default into Me-Space and those who’s default is into 'We-Space. Of course most often it’s a spectrum of dynamic shifting in and out but my guess is that we are fundamentally most comfortable and feel most at home oriented toward one or the other. When feeling stressed and seeking comfort, security and certainty do you orient toward being a part of We-Space or do you orient toward Me-Space? I suppose the type of stress can alter that orientation.
I remember a time in life when I really could feel a sense of We-Space and I recall how warm and soothing and comforting and reassuring that could be. I’m also aware that We-Space isn’t only rainbows and unicorns and farts that smell like sugar & cinnamon (!! is that even possible?!!)…but I feel a sincere longing to have access to that experience again in my life.
I’ve also been curious if others detect differences between ‘spaces’ that seem similar in terminology. For example, is there a difference for you between ‘Me-Space’ and ‘My-Space’ or ‘I-Space’. Is there a discernable difference between ‘We-Space’ and ‘Us-Space’? I sense a difference but have trouble putting it into words.
They want people anchored to them through obligation and compliance – for the good of the family – rather than the messy reality that both individually and as a we-space the choices are not (and likely never would be) all the same.
) but, for me, it just makes sense to attempt to predict some of the more obvious lingering effects we can expect to be presented with …in ourselves…and in others. I suppose in some way it’s a strategy to provide me with a sense of certainty/safety…that I can feel into and begin to consider some probable ‘aftershocks’ so that I’m not overwhelmed if they actually bear out.