Change involves risk

See the book

I admit that the biggest changes in my life were the ones I made when the risk of NOT making changes (death) exceeded the inherent risk of looking stupid.

I used to think meditation was stupid. Of course, my lack of ability to calm my mind from racing and worrying was contributing to my dis-ease and coming death… but it was “stupid” to “just sit.”

I wonder daily how many people consider the notion of being “calm and confident” to be just as stupid. Better to be “pumped and driven” right?

The workshop on subconscious blocks would have been useful to me at the time when change seemed scarier than the status quo.


I hear about tapping a few years ago. The therapist demonstrated it as tapping just above your knees in a seated position. I remember thinking “That’s stupid. Not doing that.”


I did at one time think meditation was a waste of time and only for people who could take the time, which wasn’t me. I had wrong ideas about meditation (thinking of a yogi sitting crosslegged saying “Ohhhhhmmm.” I now see meditation as focus and awareness, calming. Had I understood what meditation was better, I probably would’ve started sooner.

One of the things over the past year I’ve been learning about meditation is being aware, not judging. Unbeknownst to me, I really did judge everything to the nth degree, particularly all sorts of things about myself more than anyone else. Oh, that was a bad thought. Oh, why did I do that? I can’t . . . on and on.

Instead, had I just noticed whatever was happening, maybe doing that would have helped me to not judge or respond better - in a calm and confident way, rather than reactively without thought - primitive brain mode. Often now, I notice . . . Oh, that’s interesting. I wonder what that means. Let’s explore.

I’ve had to learn to slow down, to catch my breath, to notice, to not judge. You and Cathy have helped me in that, as well as Carol, Gene M and Brad Y. Learning to be gentle with myself. Not everything has to be a fight or a struggle.

I’d rather be calm and confident rather than pumped and driven. I am seeing that when I am calm and confident, I SEE more choices and my world responds better to me this way than pumped and driven. Pumped and driven seems more exciting at the moment, but I have found it often creates a destructive path that is performance driven and bashing one’s own self-worth.

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The pumped and driven types get more movies made about them, and they tend to also write more books about Themselves, too.

I just don’t want to model that.

Meditation is definitely proven to help offer more of a gap between the stimulus and reaction – and in that gap there’s more and more possibility for well-crafted responses to arise, and curiosity.


I think this helps honor oneself as well as others when you’re able to respond in a way that is respectful for all. So, in doing so, it’s good for all, whereas the other is so ME focused, all about ME, not caring as much about others. I don’t want to live like the latter.

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I was just aware of this last night really potently, that the primitive brain gets black/white, and for I think most people, it focuses AWAY from the we-space back into ME ME ME.

I do think there are those who when triggered LOSE track of their own needs, the Me-Space, and it becomes black focused on the You-Space – what needs the other person has, even at our own cost as long as we survive.

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Yes, I was like that for a long time, focusing on You-Space, hardly any Me-Space and not We-Space. I was greatly out of balance and it really cost me my health. I think when we’re not operating in primitive brain, that there is a time for You-Space, We-Space, Me-Space, but probably not all at the same time. I’d like to be able to seamlessly shift in and out of each space as needed to respect you, me, we at the same time.

I have to celebrate one little victory this morning with not allowing my primitive brain be reactive. When I walked into the kitchen this morning seeing stuff in the sink and on the island, I was not happy. I like the kitchen to be cleaned, everything put away before bedtime. My first thought was to wake my son up and get to it.

But I took moments, a number of them to not allow my body nor myself to do that. I asked myself: Is this an emergency? No. Is this critical? No. Did my son intentionally blow me off? Probably not. What probably happened? He probably just forgot. Could you help suggest measures that will help him not forget? Yes.

I gave him until 9 am to wake up and shortly afterwards talk with him. In the past, I would have woken him up early, spoke harshly with him. I spoke in a calm, nice voice and just restated that I like a clean kitchen and he needs to figure out what to do to make sure that what he’s committed to that he follows through. That’s his responsibility, not mine, regarding his commits.

So bravo to me for not acting out in Primitive Brain.