It continues to help me to ask, “What am I guessing here?” Also “Was I expecting something different, and that is hitting my nervous system?”
The more curious I can be about where someone close to me is in each NOW, the less triggering it is being to me. What a relief! It been honestly really helpful to have a baby here… she can go from So-Happy-I’m-Drooling-with-LOVE …to so grotesquely miserable looking that ooooooohhhh.
And it has nothing to do with who I am or anything I did (usually – I did bump her head on the changing table – softly the other day but WOW, was she unhappy. Me too!). I’d love to decouple the internalization of other people close to me having distress from my nervous system’s response.
Indeed, I’d LIKE when someone is distressed (or has that look) for it to activate a bit more calm, and a bit more confident presence. We’ll see!