Pushing my cart, I arrived at the corner of a produce display at exactly the same time as an older woman, also with a cart. She heaved what I perceived to be a huge, exasperated sigh.
“Go ahead” I said, thinking she was perhaps waiting for me.
She responded in an angry voice “I’m going THAT way.” pointing to exactly where I was standing. She had room to go around me, but didn’t. Then she says to me “GET OUT OF MY WAY!”
I did not respond well. I said something that started with an “f” and ended with a “u”. I was shaking and walked around the store tapping for awhile.
I’m not remotely sorry I didn’t meekly comply with her barked orders, and on the other other hand there must be alternatives to either being servile or responding in kind.
On another note, it’s taken me several days to post this because I forgot about it. In the old days, it would have eaten at me endlessly and I would have relived it countless times.
I love being kind. If I can’t be kind, I appreciate when I can be civil.
I also flip the finger to people who honk at me 3 milliseconds after the light changes green. I just don’t FEEL like being kind or civil in the face of such ridiculousness.
Perhaps it is that Emotional Freedom DOES allow me, in my definition, to respond to lack of safety and respect in kind, not always with kindness.
It’s also my understanding that neither MLK or Gandhi or Jesus for that matter were beyond throwing some shade:
So He made a whip out of cords, and drove all from the temple courts, both sheep and cattle; He scattered the coins of the money changers and overturnedtheirtables .
Not comparing. Just freeing.
And yeah, I recognize I’m walking in the world both with far far fewer knee jerk reactions to jerks than I used to have… and with less downstream recriminations when I turn the tables. I’ve never really resonated with the turn the other cheek thing.
What I’m about to describe is not simple to make clear. I’ve done my best so I hope you get the gist of what I’m describing…
We live on a short section of street that ends at an intersection with another street…forming a ‘T’ as our street ends at the other street. There are no stop signs. All day long I watch cars come down our street and cut the corner when turning left onto the other street. It drives me absolutely bonkers. As I perceive it they are people who are too lazy to turn their steering wheel so instead they cut the corner which causes them to drive in the oncoming lane. I’ve observed this for the nine years that we’ve lived here. Nine years of crazy making…lol.
Well, the other day presented me with a grand opportunity! I was coming down the street that intersects with ours and there was a car that had to stop half way through cutting the corner because of my approaching the ‘T’ intersection. She hadn’t fully cut the corner so instead of stopping and letting her go so I would have more room to make my left hand turn I decided to exercise my right of way and made the very tight left hand turn in front of her… and I stopped beside her vehicle…because she had cut the corner our vehicles were very close together. Both mine and her window were down. I calmly looked at her and said “And this is why you don’t cut the corner…”…she said “Are you going to let me go…”…because I was sort of blocking her because of how she had cut the corner. I repeated myself slowly, calmly “This is why you don’t cut the corner…” She said to me “Okay dad.…” LOL…and then I drove home…our driveway is actually the first one from the corner. I don’t think she made eye contact with me at any point. Well, Kelly and I had a good laugh about the dad remark…a good laugh for a couple of days actually. Was I being a bit of an asshole? Absolutely. Was I wrong. Not in the least. So, maybe next time she’ll approach the corner and recall that ‘Dad’ scolded her and maybe that’s enough to change her behaviour. Probably not but hey it felt good to be filled with some momentary self-righteous indignation and to do it calmly and confidently. When I got home I thought to myself "Gee I sure hope she doesn’t have some 'roided up husband that she’s going to send over to ‘talk’ with me"…lol. So far, so good.
I wonder how it will be in 1000 years. Where we will balance between rule makers, rule keepers, and rule breakers. On one hand the thought police have me feeling very on-edge about freedom of expression. On the other hand, the physical and yes emotional safety on our commons also matters to me.
It’s funny you bring that up as I was lying in bed this morning recalling what I had written here and becoming aware of the metaphor of ‘cutting corners’. Could there be a link between the actions of those drivers literally cutting the corner and the metaphor of ‘cutting corners’ and my emotions around the whole thing. Gee…I wonder. Maybe? LOL… I hate cutting corners in my work…I like paying attention to small details as I feel that distinguishes pedestrian level work from a craftsman. Small details make a big difference and I don’t like being lazy about that…unlike drivers who are too lazy to turn the steering wheel to take a corner ‘PROPERLY!!’. LOL…Hey, I’m complicated…
i understand completely. I probably would have done the very same thing. I’ve gotten to the point in life where I can no longer tolerate other’s rudeness. I feel my Spirit won’t allow me to no matter who they are and what age they are. It must be hardening of the arteries in their head that makes them so angry and rude.
