These aspects are designed to help you build a thriving life, one small, meaningful step at a time.
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TRY smaller…
[00:00:00] Try smaller. Why? Well, have you ever made something a lot bigger in your mind, in your imagination, that it ended up being? Hmm, maybe I’m the only one. I’m Rick from ThrivingNow, and I’m here with Cathy Vartuli from ThrivingNow and the Intimacy Dojo, and I actually know, because she told me the story, that she made something bigger than it needed to be, too.
[00:00:27] And we’re going to be riffing on that. If you’re here live, thank you. Welcome. You’re a participant in this workshop by your energy, your attention, and what you add to the chat. Um, and if you are watching the replay, thank you so much for being a part of our community and our circle. Um, we invite you to share what you take from this, uh, whenever it is that you connect with this work.
[00:00:52] Emotional freedom work. It is a skill and we use certain tools like EFT tapping. Um, EFT tapping is amazing for shifting our energy consciously. If you’re not familiar with it, thriving now. com slash tapping is a way for you to get our free guide. So Cathy. Do you sometimes make things bigger than they end up being?
[00:01:18] I really do. I was telling Rick that I was, for the last month, I’ve been, I’ve been noticing the mantle over my fireplace, which is kind of like, I have like, um, like things that are very important to me there, but it’s dusty and I’ve been wanting to clean it, to dust it. Um, and for a month I’ve been noticing it.
[00:01:37] And it’s kind of weighing on me like I didn’t do this thing, but in my mind, I had made it like I was going to take everything off and wash everything and put it back. And I was thinking it’s going to be at least 45 minutes. So I just didn’t do it. And I was, but it was making me, I was making myself feel bad about it.
[00:01:54] Like, I wasn’t like, why am I not doing this thing? And it just kind of, And I have a friend coming over for dinner tonight. And so I didn’t have a lot of time and I’ve been trying very, I’ve been doing a lot of Buddhist meditation. And they’re talking about just being with the moment, just this, doing this one thing.
[00:02:11] So I picked up the plant. And I dusted the thing it was on and I dusted the thing it was under it and put them back and it felt really good. Like that, just that little bit. And I ended up in two minutes dusting the whole thing. I’m so embarrassed that for two, for over a month, I was like. Making it this big deal, but really I just lift up a candle, wipe under it.
[00:02:33] I’d lift up a trinket, I’d wipe under it and it looks so much better. The house feels better. I feel better. And if I could have gotten in the mindset of just one thing, like a real small part of it, I could have gotten it done. a month ago and not be pinging myself the whole time. So, you know, I just made, I just grabbed some pledge wipes and just in two minutes it’s all done and it looks so much better.
[00:02:58] And I forget too, I think we all forget we need to be reminded that breaking things down into little things. can have a huge effect in our lives and can really add to the abundance and ease in our lives. And we want to, we want to anchor this, we want to practice this so that it’s easier to identify the small things.
[00:03:19] Because I think most of us try to like, do you want to use the example of cleaning the whole house? Yeah, so what if you think, Oh, I have to clean the house. What happened? What happens in your body? Anyone get a jolt? Like I have to clean the whole house. The house needs cleaning. Right? Like I’m already.
[00:03:46] Getting what I know now is an anxiety response. I just did to myself. I, I jabbed my adrenals even knowing I’m in the middle of a workshop. I am not going to be cleaning the whole house today, ever. Um, that’s just not actually a concept, but I, I can get that jolt. Ah,
[00:04:18] and I believe that this is, um, where the skill of awareness that we practice with tapping. So one of the things that I learned from tapping was if I’d say, Oh, I have to clean the whole house or the house needs to be, the whole house needs to be cleaned. Notice I’m getting like, there’s a little anger, frustration, energy in there.
[00:04:45] I would normally tap something like, even though I’m angry and frustrated that the whole house has to be cleaned right now. Even though I’m angry and frustrated that the whole house has to be cleaned right now. I’m doing this to myself, aren’t I? I’m doing this to myself, aren’t I? I’m getting myself ramped up.
[00:05:04] I’m getting myself ramped up. And I know what’s gonna happen next. And I know what’s gonna happen next. I’m not gonna clean the house. I’m not gonna clean the house. I’m gonna go take a nap. I’m gonna go take a nap. Top of the head. I get myself ramped up. I get myself ramped up. Eyebrow. I notice I sometimes get myself amped up.
[00:05:28] I notice I sometimes get myself amped up. Side of the eye. It’s overwhelming. It’s overwhelming. Under the eye. And then my body needs to recover. And then my body needs to recover. Under the nose. My body doesn’t really want to get amped up. My body really doesn’t want to get amped up. Chen, it doesn’t know how to use that.
[00:05:51] It doesn’t know how to use that. Hold on, if I clean the house from that place. If I clean the house from that place. I’m likely to injure myself. I’m likely to injure myself. Exhaust myself. Exhaust myself. And not really get it all done anyway. And not really get it all done anyway. I want to look at a More savvy approach here.
[00:06:16] I want to look at a more savvy approach here. There’s two things I noticed when you were talking about that Cleaning the house is very undefined The one of the things about trying smaller is being specific about what we’re doing So clean the whole house can be am I going through the in the windowsills with a toothbrush?
[00:06:36] Like I did this to myself yesterday. I’ve been wanting to detail my car since Rick and the kids were here There were tree branches and food and everything and I’d vacuumed it, but it just I wanted to get it cleaned. Um, I give people rides at work and we’re like, oh ignore the cheerios on the floor kind of thing.
[00:06:51] Um, and I went and got it done yesterday and they did a great they did a fabulous job. They shampooed everything. They vacuumed everything and I was coming home and i’m like, oh I got the window. The window tint I got fixed a few, like a month ago. I’ve got it detailed now. It’s really perfect. And then my brain went, Oh, I should pull everything out of the glove compartment and center console and really scrub those out and organize those.
[00:07:15] We don’t tend to stop. Like we will try to make it like we can have the whole house professionally cleaned and then I will go, Oh, we should have like scrubbed the, the window sills, the window linings and stuff. You know, we, we tend to make it bigger than we want. So when we say. I’m going to clean the whole house.
[00:07:31] I’m going to organize my house. I’m going to do this. It’s too big. There’s no death. There’s no end in sight. And our survival brain is like, that’s our survival brain again, is trying to regulate the amount of energy we spend on things. So if a lion comes, we have the energy to run away from it. So it’s like, no, I don’t want to scrub the windows lightings that nobody cares.
[00:07:52] Like, so we’ll just put a break on the whole thing. Um, often. And one other thing that we often do is. We subconsciously, or at the, the pre conscious level, where it’s just between the conscious and the subconscious, we will have a thought that if I get this done, I will finally be a good person. I’ll be able to rest.
[00:08:13] I will feel good about myself. People will love me. Whatever it is, we attach things to getting something done. And. Our system knows it’s not true. So I was kind of thinking when I got that mantle wiped down I would really be able to relax. Well, I can relax whether it’s done or not. The mantle wasn’t the trigger for that.
[00:08:34] And so my system really didn’t, it’s like you’re not going to get what you want. So why should we, you know, try to jump through the hoops for that reward? So if you can identify, one, where you’re being unspecific about what the task is, and two, where you have, um, you know, attached tags of I will get this that isn’t true, that can really help, help reduce the angst we have and the resistance.
[00:08:59] Could you lead us in a tapping on that? Because I think that that’s one of those, one of the things about building a skill is, again, we walk through this to notice, Oh, yeah, I’m putting this thing so that it means something like, Oh, well, well, then I can relax. If I just do one more thing, then I can relax, and we use stress to drive us.
[00:09:27] Now, as Cathy said, there’s a part of us that knows that’s not going to work to get that. I also believe there’s a wise part of us that’s saying, Hmm. Okay. I’m gonna pause you here. A lot of times people say, I just, I just can’t do that. I’ve been wanting to write this. I’ve been wanting to write this. I’ve been wanting to write this.
[00:09:55] And when you look at what, how they’re driving themselves, it’s not actually in the, they’re driving themselves, but it’s not in the direction of their thriving. They’re driving themselves toward getting something done, but getting it done. In a way that doesn’t actually contribute to what their heart’s wisdom wants for you.
[00:10:18] That’s actually a match for what you’ve been asking for on a deeper level. Yeah, I’d love to do tapping. I’d like to do one round on being specific and one round on the attaching emotions or outcomes. So I invite you just to take a deep breath. A lot of this is about being with ourselves in the moment.
[00:10:39] Rather than getting ahead of ourselves in the future or projecting what we need to do. So the more you can be with yourself, the more effective this work will be. Feel your feet on the floor. Karate chop. Even though I tend to declare I’m going to do big things. Even though I tend to declare I’m gonna do big things.
[00:11:01] But I don’t really define what those things are. But I don’t really define what those things are. No wonder my brain doesn’t want to move forward. No wonder my brain doesn’t want to move forward. I’m trying to sign a contract where I don’t know what I have to contribute. I’m trying to sign a contract where I don’t know what I need to contribute.
[00:11:26] Or when it will ever be done. Or when it, when or if, heh, it’ll ever be done. Top of the head, why would I jump into that pit? Why would I jump into that pit? I’m not that stupid. Hey bro, I know me. I know me. Side of the eye, I will make it bigger than you could possibly imagine. I will make it bigger than you could possibly imagine.
[00:11:49] Under the eye, I probably won’t ever be done. And I probably won’t ever be done. Under the nose, no wonder I don’t want to do this thing. No wonder I don’t want to do this thing. Tim, I wonder if I could define what I want to accomplish. I wonder if I could better define what it is I want to accomplish.
[00:12:12] Colorbone, and why I want to make this change in my life. And why I want this change in my life. And in the end, what will it actually give me? What will it actually give me? Tough, man. I have lots of imaginings about what it will give me. I have lots of imaginings about what it’ll give me. I wrote, I might win the Nobel Peace Prize.
[00:12:37] I might win the Nobel Peace Prize. Side of the eye, if I ever clean that closet. If I ever get that closet cleaned. Under the eye. People might actually love me. People might actually love me under the nose. I might like me, I might like me, Tim, but all those things can happen now. But all those things can happen now.
[00:13:03] Color, bone, they’re not contingent on whatever task I’ve set myself. They are not contingent on whatever task I’ve set for myself. And then, why can’t I do this task just because it feels right for me? Why can’t I do this task just because it feels right for me right now? On top of that, because it’s good for my ecosystem in my life.
[00:13:26] Because it’s good for my ecosystem. and my life. Just take a breath.
[00:13:37] I think it’s very common for many of us. I think we’re all people here are pretty sensitive. They’re caring, intelligent people that have been driven in the past by adrenaline and people’s expectations and the hopes we’ll get something versus being with ourselves and saying, huh, me would like that kitchen table cleaned off so that me can enjoy.
[00:13:58] Well, you know, walking through the kitchen or making, you know, someone said they made brownies. Like, I don’t have to do it because somebody’s company is coming, though that can often be a trigger for myself included. But what if I just did it because it felt right for me? What if I did it because this is the fishbowl I’m swimming in and I want to make it a little bit nicer.
[00:14:21] Um, something to try on anyway.
[00:14:28] The chat’s open and if you have something that you’re having some challenge. Making a little smaller, please feel free to, to drop it in there. We’d love to help because that’s, I think that’s a muscle. A lot of us don’t have, I like, I needed to get my, my eyeglasses broke and they lost a handle, but I’ve been trying to get my eyes checked for a month again.
[00:14:52] It’s been about a month. I’ve had some things on my list. Um, and I kept making it that I had to go to the appointment and I had to like get the glasses ordered and everything. But really the first thing I had to do was look up the phone number. And once I looked up the phone number, it was pretty easy to call and then I had got the appointment the next morning and my glasses will be here on Tuesday.
[00:15:13] So like, you know, it’s like, if we can take it, like, if we can identify what the next small step is, that’s pretty powerful. Um, and someone. Wrote that they actually used chat GP or AI to help break that down. But I, I’d love for us to actually, I love AI, but I think it’s also good for us to practice physically, like working on through it.
[00:15:36] Well, I had taken a nap as I am horizontal reset this afternoon. And as I came out of the nap, I became aware that, uh, I’m normally making dinner at this time, like six days out of the week, or when I don’t have a workshop, I would be at this time making dinner. And so it was like, Oh dear. Oh gosh. I was making it big.
[00:16:01] Like there are so many decisions and how am I going to coordinate it and everything else.
[00:16:10] Um,
[00:16:14] since we’re doing a workshop on Try Smaller for the last couple weeks, I’ve been trying smaller and I was like, okay, with all that, what is the smallest step in the direction of getting up and, uh, figuring out dinner? And I stretched like a cat and made a meow and my eyes were wider and I kind of sat up and I was like, Oh, I’ll ask Jim what time she’d like to eat, what feels right for her.
[00:16:55] Texted her.
[00:17:00] And then I got the information and it just didn’t feel like, um, it was time to start setting that stuff up. Except as I went, walked into the kitchen, someone mentioned about making brownies. One of the things I’ve noticed about cooking is I just took the pan out. That’s, that’s all I did. I, I, I took the pan out and put it on.
[00:17:24] The top of the stove the other day when I was going to make soup, um, it’s rather lengthy amount of time. All I did was take the instant pot out from underneath the counter and put it on the counter and plug it in 20 minutes later. What’s interesting is that when we try smaller, you notice it, not necessarily that you go from yes to yes, to yes, to yes, to yes, and get it done.
[00:17:53] The thing about smaller is that when I came back. To do the soup, I could feel my past self having gifted me a little more ease. Just one less thing, one little thoughtfulness, right? Something that was a little easier. Um, when it was time to put the, the chicken on the, the pan, um, it was pretty easy. And, and that’s what we noticed because I believe that in the smallest choice that We can imagine, especially if it falls into the category of.
[00:18:43] Ridiculously small, right? If you want to try to get good at this, like what’s the most ridiculously small part of this that I could do, or that feels like, you know, is a part of it, ah,
[00:19:05] take the pan out from underneath the oven and put it on the top of the oven. Oh, okay. Yeah. That’s to make sure that we’ve got the ingredients. Okay. And then pause and. And be in a place where again, one of the one of the emotional freedom to me says you’re not being driven by your primitive brain that you don’t.
[00:19:29] yourself, you know, drive yourself in your primitive brain, that’s part of the bigger than it actually is. If I apply my primitive brain to any task, whether it’s driving, cleaning, um, taking a shower, uh, whatever it is, if my primitive brain is kicked in,
[00:19:54] it’s energetically bigger. It would be like, oh, I’m going to take a nap, but I’m going to hire a bodyguard for 500 an hour to stand over me while I’m doing it. That’s, that’s an expensive nap. And you know, I’m going to clean the house. That would usually trigger me. I’m going to clean the house, but instead of getting people to help me, I’m gonna have my primitive, my primal wreck pushing it.
[00:20:32] Oh, get that. Don’t forget that. And I’m gonna pay thousands of jewels of Of energy to have my primal Rick driving me while I’m, while I’m cleaning the house. Okay. I would really from, from my own wellbeing over the last 30 years, a lot of this practice has been so that my primitive brain is not what’s driving, getting the kids in the car, um, making food for my family.
[00:21:04] And it’s astounding how useful this skill of trying it smaller. What’s, what could I do? Yeah. I can’t empty the dishwasher. That just feels like it might as well be filled with 60, 000 dishes. You know, I could, uh. I could get Jim’s, Jim’s drink bottle out and wash it out and fill it up and take it upstairs.
[00:21:31] So she has it when she wakes up. And what’s interesting is if I do something like that, which I do quite often, when it comes to emptying the dishwasher, the energy’s already flowing. I’ve already opened it. I’ve already opened that. That energy field. It doesn’t feel the same anymore, even if it’s an hour.
[00:21:58] Exactly. Whether we call it momentum or flow or something like that. And that’s one of the keys here. I believe to, um, the trying smaller is trying smaller in the direction of what would feel, um, good, a little more thriving, a little more tended to a little more of what you want to see in the world. Um, if it’s.
[00:22:25] If it’s small in that direction, it will, to me, energetically. That activates your hardistry rather than your dewestry.
[00:22:41] Yeah, well, someone mentioned doing taxes, and I think for a lot of people, there’s a strong associations of fear around taxes. Um, you know, resistance. It’s what if I do it wrong? What if they come after me? What if, like, what if I owe money? Like, there’s People are nervous. And when I help people with money issues a lot, and a lot of my clients are people that have resistance around money.
[00:23:06] And one of the things I recommend, the first thing you do is get some kind of folder, whether it’s an accordion folder, Manila folder, something like that, and just label it taxes. That’s your first task. And they’re like, no, I have to do all my taxes. I’m like, I want you to do this one thing. I’m like, no, I have to.
[00:23:25] And like, we do some tapping or whatever, but often when you get that, and then they’re like, what do I know now? And I’m like, well, you know, like look at your papers, find one thing that belongs in that text folder and put it in that text folder and then just breathe and be with yourself. Well, what now?
[00:23:40] Okay, well, you know, gradually go through that pile and look for everything. Most people have a, some kind of pile they need to go through. Um, someone said they labeled the folder. That’s wonderful. Um, so, like, just a little, like, we are trying to teach our nervous system that baby steps are not going to hurt us.
[00:23:59] And that this task is no longer, like, as terrifying as we think. And I think when we can break it up into the just like, like, if we don’t have some place for it to go, that’s one of the big resistances I have. And I’ve had, I’ve been doing my spring cleaning, and I found this is something that worked for me.
[00:24:17] I’m curious if it works for other people. I usually have a bin that’s like trash. I have one for recycle. I have one for donate. I started making a one that said not here. And it means I would get stuck because I’d be going through a drawer and I’m like, Oh, it doesn’t belong here. Where does it go? Ah, so I just put it in the not here bit.
[00:24:35] I love that. And it was so, I was, I was cleaning so much faster because I wasn’t trying to make those decisions and then the truth, I was like, Oh, this box is gonna be horrible. And I looked at it and like, there’s really three categories of things in here and it took like 10 minutes to put them away because they were all together and, but that not here like box is like, maybe some people need a not now box as well.
[00:24:57] Like, I’m not going to deal with this right now, or it’s not important right now. Um, so I think when we can kind of sort that out and take some of the big, like, the more decisions we have to make, the more fatiguing it is, especially if it’s associated with nervous energy. So finding a folder for your taxes, folders, most people are like, Oh, I can either find a nice box or a folder of some kind in my house, or I can order one.
[00:25:24] That’s not usually people like to You know, that’s not something that’s usually so hard as like, Oh, what is a W2? What do I enter in box 3b? Like, no, just start putting it together. Someone said I have too many not now boxes. Um, let’s, you know, if they’re bothering you, then maybe it’s a, it might be.
[00:25:49] Something to tap on for sure. But like, I have been trying to limit my things that I want to do. We’re all very creative, clever people. If you’re on this call, I can, I would bet money that you’re a clever, creative person and. Short of brain surgery, there’s very little that I’m not interested in learning how to do.
[00:26:06] And I’d still love to know where the brain parts are or whatever. So, it’s like, is this really aligned with who I am right now? And if not, can I let it go? Or go to someone else? Um, narrowing it down a little bit. So, do you have any thoughts on that, Rick?
[00:26:31] Yeah, if, if I try on the energy of too many of something, try smaller looks at things like,
[00:26:45] what’s one thing that I’m pretty sure is not ever, At this point, right? Can I do this with my, my to do list? There’s a, I put date reminders. It’s it’s really works well for me scheduling. Um, my, my nervous system is pretty relaxed knowing I have a system that every day reveals what I thought I would be doing around this time.
[00:27:22] And there’s a place where it’s like. You know, this just doesn’t feel good to me. What’s and the try smaller is, is there anything here that really, when I thought about it at the time was an eight and now it’s a five or four or three. And if it has dropped that much in time, I choose to call that divine filtering.
[00:27:50] The universe is saying it’s, it’s not just not ripe. Like there are things that are an eight. I definitely want to do them and they’re just not now. And then there are things that. We’re a not now and I’m looking at them again. And the small thing is, Hey,
[00:28:15] is anything here? No longer, at least an eight. I do that with emails. Um, Oh, I want to read that three days later. You know, my guides will say, Hey, let’s just clear out anything. That’s not an eight. And I’ll look at things. What’s what’s interesting is that when you take it small, it’s like, Oh, I look at it and it’s like, you know, yeah, right.
[00:28:46] I’m not even sure why I saved this now. But if I think about cleaning my whole inbox or answering everything in there, it’s a lot like, and I have a very organized inbox. I will put my inbox up against most people. I use a 30 a month tool called superhuman. And, uh, I. I know how to use email. I do 200, 000 a year, um, so I ought to be good at it.
[00:29:14] It’s a useful skill. And the try smaller is look at this one segment of stuff or, you know, is there one that still has your eye? And what if we let go of the rest of them? Trust the universe to bring back around the things that were designed to look at her. And I just, I do that. Sometimes I’m like, I’m wiping out all these emails from this person I love just like universe, please bring around what I, what it is I’m supposed to see.
[00:29:44] Please bring it around again and draw my attention to it. Versus me trying to control if I have to put all this information in my head and, and kind of hold on to it. The same with good ideas. Growing up, I was often very bored and didn’t have access to a lot of resources or a lot of freedom. So it was like, I want to hold on to all the possible ideas and the books and the projects.
[00:30:05] And I’m like, now they’re just cluttering my life. They feel heavy. They feel noisy in my life. And I’m just like, Universe, I’m going to trust you to bring me the things I You know, the resources I need for this and the things that are really interesting. I can, I can have a one box. It’s not an end. Not now.
[00:30:20] Now, perhaps, but I don’t have to have a whole house full like some people do. And it does make my house. I can focus on the things I want to do more because there’s not all the things calling and pulling at me.
[00:30:35] Someone shared that they’re now boxes are filled with papers they write notes on. Um, it might be something to like scan in, or ask AI to help with, or um, if you get a scanner, and I’ve done that, things I like, this feels really personal, I don’t want to let it go, but I don’t know if I need it. I scan it in, I put it in a folder, and then I get rid of the piece of paper.
[00:31:00] Um, so it’s, I have a folder that is like, memories and notes and if I need it someday they’re all labeled with a date and sometimes I’ll add a title to it but they’re there if I need them. I don’t need to go, I don’t need to keep all the, I’ve posted notes that can pile up and I’m like nope I’m gonna scan it all and get, get it off my desk.
[00:31:21] Hmm. We’ve pointed to a couple of things that are, um, like when I was lying on the couch, um, the, the try smaller was to come all the way back into like, what does my body
[00:31:43] That feels like a small movement in the direction of, um, you know, yummy thriving now. Um, the energy approach is very different than the to do list approach. And I shared this in the newsletter where. I was sitting and I really could feel like, ah,
[00:32:18] it’s time to write a newsletter. An invitation to this, this session was yesterday.
[00:32:29] Now, if I went into my head and I said, Hey, what do I, well, what’s the first step, what’s the next step, what’s the next step I’m coming from here. I’m, I’m trying to organize and make it linear. Um, that’s, that’s really useful. One of the things. I’ve noticed is if I come into my body and I say, what would make the energy space better for me for this writing?
[00:33:05] And that’s where sitting there. My, my, my laptop is in my lap and there were those Yoto cards. My daughter has a, her own little music player. It’s it’s awesome. Um, for her, she gets to switch her music around and listen to stories or other things. And, but the card sitting, like, if I’m looking at you and the camera, they were right off to the side sitting on the carpet.
[00:33:41] And I’m weird enough that my energy is vibrating around that.
[00:33:53] I was like, Oh, my body would like to feel just a little more like things are. In my immediate vicinity or in place, so I did that. I gave pink, pink butt bear a little pat on the head. He’s a white bear that we got that ended up in the chalk. So he’s pink butt bear. And he sits and works with me across the room straightened up a couple of other box of other bins took one piece of plastic off the ground.
[00:34:28] Put that away. We’re talking less than 30 seconds ultimately and energetically when I sat down my body was Thank you Now because I was listening to my body and not my to do list If I was listening to my to do list around cleaning the house talk about furball I would have gone with that momentum and probably done some cleaning in the kitchen,
[00:35:09] but I was I was actually focused on, I wanted to talk to the Thriving Now community and invite them to try smaller. And I was listening to my body and what, what’s the energy that I need.
[00:35:27] Did not want to cut my hair and shave and get showered. You know that resistance that comes up around things that look, you know, this is, come on guy. Don’t be such a wimp. Just do what you need to do, right? Like that’s the whipping that I can do. And. This is a skill I’m practicing. Try smaller. As I was standing there, like, I don’t wanna, um, listening to my body, it was like, let’s turn on some music we can sing to.
[00:36:05] So that’s what I, I did.
[00:36:11] And because I’m listening to more of me than just the to do oriented accomplishment oriented parts. Once that energy changed, and I skipped a couple songs, and once I, once it landed on something that was really right, it was really great. Like, ooh.
[00:36:32] I got all these, you know, and I’m done. And then I had a great shower listening to the music. And then when I came out of the shower, my body was like, there’s enough music. Little small increments like that are a way that we skillfully take into account that a lot of our life force to be and do the things that we want are not coming from here.
[00:37:04] This part can drive us, but listening to more of us. Allows us to pick the small increment. I work with someone who’s, who’s nest was very, very full, let’s say,
[00:37:28] and she really wanted to clean it. But like I, when she talked about clearing the clutter, base turned purple, big reaction, sweat coming down, like. You could tell, no, no, no, that’s way too big. And what, what we agreed to, kind of as by exploring, not like I needed, she needed to agree with me, but like what came out was an agreement with herself that when she walked into the room to sit down or eat or something like that, she would shuffle something.
[00:38:15] Like straighten it just in a way that pleased her. And if there was something else that just didn’t like, Cathy’s not here. Right. It’s like, Oh, this doesn’t belong here. Move it someplace. Focusing out from her nest area, her, the center area of where she spent most of her time. And just getting used to the energy of what would feel a little better
[00:38:47] by really shrinking it down. And we did a lot of tapping on this is not going to make a difference. This is, I’m still going to be ashamed that people were going to come over, tap, tap, tap. But this approach has worked for three, four, five clients of mine. Not all of them. Some of them really haven’t done this, or it wasn’t their journey.
[00:39:08] There are people who, like, take Massive action. Um, but then even after massive action, we’re back to how do you want to shift the energy? What’s the smallest ways on a, on a moment to moment basis that you could make your, your space just a little more pleasing to your energy. And then like Cathy, you and I were talking, there’s a quality of the one thing and a pause and.
[00:39:44] Whether you appreciate yourself for doing it, appreciate that the energy is different, or just notice, well, how do I feel now that that’s in a different place? I’m going to choose one thing. There’s something hanging down from, ah, look at this. I don’t know if you can see it. It’s a little butterfly thing.
[00:40:05] This is a not here. This is my heart shaped stone. It is one of the few things on my desk. I tune to it during calls, just it’s like, it’s hearty. It’s got a good feminine vibe. I feel nourished by it. It was a gift. Um, but there was something hanging on it that my daughter or somebody had put and that was a knot here.
[00:40:34] And just by doing that and then moving the position over a bit, strengthening the cord and pausing. By pausing, I’m, I’m keeping my myself from falling into like an obsessive, okay, now I’ve got to do this and oh, this doesn’t belong up and I’m running out of, this is half full now and oh no. Yeah, I’m, I’m just tending to one thing and getting my, my being used to that because this has been my practice.
[00:41:08] It’s a lot easier.
[00:41:12] Cathy. Yeah, I love that. And I think there’s a question that’s related to what you’re saying. Someone was asking about how they could do it without it being so much mental effort and emotional, physical. I, you know, like when we’re overwhelmed, each task can feel like we’re carrying this huge weight of like all shoulds and have tos.
[00:41:33] And it just can feel very heavy. Um, and. It can be hard to break. Even the smallest thing can feel like that. I had times of that during COVID, where it’s like, Oh my God, like, can I make it to get a glass of water from the kitchen? Um, one of the things that’s really helped me, I’ve been doing, again, a lot of Buddhist meditation, and one of the phrases they use is just this.
[00:41:57] So, being with what is, in the moment, now, just as it is, before I even do the thing. Like, if my desk is messy, just this desk, just as it is, is what is right now. I think we spend a lot of effort trying to wish things or pretend things or something things so they’re not the way they are. And we’re like, oh, I’m just going to hold my breath and be in the future when this is done and it will be clean.
[00:42:21] Versus, this desk, just as it is, like there’s some things I need to straighten and file. There’s a little bit of dust in the back. There’s some papers I need to put away. Just this as it is, is what is, it’s, it’s my world right now. So just being with what is and accepting the moment that seems to take me out of the mental effort of trying to lift things into some other place.
[00:42:44] It’s to create something different, um, and, and then I can just be with, um, another teaching that I’ve been really loving is they’re, they’re talking about just sweeping. So there, there was a, they have a koan or like they have little rhymes they use and they’re talking about. Um, the, one of the younger monks was asking the older monk, why are we sweeping?
[00:43:08] We sweep this path every day. Why do we have to sweep it every day? And the monk is, we sweep because we sweep. I think many times we’re attacking. So like, I have to do this to be a good person. I have to do this. We make it a, a have to, and associate a lot of things versus I’m doing this because I won’t, this is the thing to do.
[00:43:28] I don’t, I brush my teeth because I brush my teeth. If I don’t brush my teeth, people may not want to talk to me and my dentists won’t be happy. But nothing in the world’s gonna, like, the world isn’t gonna end. But I think many of us carry over from childhood the, the concept that we have to or the world will end.
[00:43:45] And I think sometimes our systems revolt against that. And I’m curious if you could try, like, very small things. And just, like, looking at it as it is first. So, last night I had ordered, uh, delivery. Uh, it was pretty late. I ate my food and it was in a little bag on my little TV tray. And I was so tired I was going to go to bed.
[00:44:07] And I have company coming tonight, so I was like, Uh, it will feel heavy tomorrow. I know tomorrow will seem like there’s a lot to do. And I was just with what was. I’m like, took a breath and I’m like, just this is fine. I’m here with this moment. And then I suddenly had enough energy to put that one bag in the trash.
[00:44:27] It was just a little bag and I was getting, going to the kitchen anyway. But this morning when I came out, like Rick talked about, taking that pan out, there was a, like, oh, I didn’t, it’s not all on my shoulders now. Like my former self helped take care of some, this a little bit. So I think if you can, Um, you know, just this first view of what is because when we’re trying to deny or resist when we’re not with our present reality, we have a lot less energy I use for people that swim.
[00:44:56] I use the analogy like if you’re swimming and you hit the wall and you’re with the wall and you can push off, you get a lot more momentum going someplace versus if you get close to the wall, but you’re just going to like, try to change your momentum by your arms and legs. It’s slow and awkward. If you can be with what is now.
[00:45:14] Even if it’s a little, you don’t have to focus on the whole world, but like, oh, this, this item, does it, where does it belong? What should I do with it right here and now? It’s not perfect. The, the, one of the things fell off my glasses. They’re a little bit dirty. Can I be just with it? And the fact that I didn’t know where to put it for a moment.
[00:45:34] Um, invite you to try that on and see if that helps in some way.
[00:45:47] Feeling like I want to take a break before. We, um, go into one of, one of these aspects, and we’ll talk about prioritization and when we, when we really don’t have the energy. Um, but one of the things I’m noticing is a, a sense of how much there is to do.
[00:46:28] One of the things about, I’ve noticed about our clients and our, the people that tend to listen to us. Is that they’re so creative that and perceptive and aware. That
[00:46:49] if they had a list of 800 things, and they got them all done today, tomorrow, there’ll be a list of 8000 things. If they got all of those done in a week, then there’ll be a list of 80, 000 things. Oh, and I want to do this, and I want to try that. And, um,
[00:47:11] and we’re so used to an idea or a task feeling like it’s assigned as homework.
[00:47:27] And if you’re in school, they do assign. Tasks to us, but they don’t,
[00:47:37] I don’t know how to navigate that one. It’s been a long time since I’ve, even though I’m a professional student teacher, um, I know that if I honor the fact, the truth that I’m creative enough to come up with an infinite list of things that need to be done. And that’s without even talking to my partner or my kids, right.
[00:48:04] Or other people. What if that’s reality? Eyebrow. What if there’s always an infinite list? What if there’s always an infinite list? Side of the eye. I am so clever. I am so clever. Under the eye. I could come up with an infinite list. I could come up with an infinite list. I usually get exhausted about a hundred or a thousand items.
[00:48:32] You just get exhausted after a hundred or a thousand items. But if those disappeared tonight. But if those disappeared tonight. Come on. I’d come up with another list. I’d come up with another list under the arm. I’m curious and creative that way. I’m curious and creative that way. I’m responsible that way.
[00:48:54] I’m responsible that way. Eyebrow. I’m aware that way. I’m aware that way, side of the eye. So I’m gonna try smaller. I’m gonna try smaller under the eye. Aware of the infinite. Aware of the infinite, under the nose. and choosing one thing right now. And choosing one thing right now. Jin, one ridiculously small thing right one One ridiculously small thing right now.
[00:49:27] I might even grin at how ridiculously small it is. I’m might even grin at how ridiculously small it is. Run to the arm Ahem. I wonder what that will start feeling like. I wonder what that will start feeling like.
[00:49:48] I love that and I just, I know we’re heading to break, but someone said, my primitive brain will say, just do something and I invite your, the thing you do is to just breathe and be with the moment for a moment. This moment right here, right now, when we give ourselves a gift of this moment, we recharge in ways that won’t happen otherwise.
[00:50:11] It gives us a boost. We’re allowed, we absorb energy differently when we’re in this moment, not in the future. And so if your brain’s like, do something, I might say I’m going to breathe, take a breath and be with this moment. Just for a moment. That might be the thing I’m doing. And I know our brains are taught, we’re taught to keep producing something.
[00:50:35] This moment right now, the one we’re having right now, is the only moment that will ever be just like this. And it’s precious and wonderful. And if we can be with that, then we can just listen to ourselves a little better and like, be guided to like, Oh, I want to do this one thing, and then I’m going to breathe and be with myself again.
[00:50:56] We can talk more about it when we come back. Thank you, Cathy. We’re going to take a seven minute break, and then we’ll be back, and um, think about if there’s anything you’d like us to explore, making smaller, being, being with it. There’s some ideas that I have and uh, we’re going to pause the recording and then
[00:51:22] we’ll come back. I’d like to start with um, I think one of the blocks that stands in the way of trying smaller.
[00:51:40] And the comment in the chat, thank you, that gets me excited about this is because this, this is how I was trained. Mentally weigh what the priority is. Intellectually, yeah. The comment where it starts off, I’m thinking I would like to be able to do things more often without thinking and mentally weighing up what the priority is.
[00:52:11] And, uh, there’s, like, if you notice yourself getting stressed, any of us, like, if I have to weigh the priorities, I’m messed up. I’m very quickly messed up.
[00:52:38] I’ve got a good brain. But if I analyze things through the, we, we did a workshop on frames of reference, reframing, the frame of reference that there’s a priority messes with things. What’s the priority? To give your child a heart hug or to go sit on the toilet before you poop your pants?
[00:53:06] Priority, hug my daughter. Urgency. Let’s not create a mess.
[00:53:17] Now I went to two, uh, nice extremes there, but the truth of the matter is that the things that are dear to us, that matter to us, that we’re stewards of that we would like to see enhanced. Beautiful, clean, well tended, uh, establishing a priority for that is very, uh, mental. Okay. And, uh, if you were raised in a mental culture or that’s a real superpower of yours, um, that you have a capacity to mentalize life, wonderful, but if it’s causing you to get.
[00:54:03] Sick and tired and down and feel a bit like, ah, the smaller approach is one that says, you know, what’s, what’s dear to me as an ecosystem, the ecosystem. If you say, well, what’s more important night or day? Well, we’d be crispy bacon. All of us, if there were no night, but we’d be slime. We’d never have developed if there were no day, which is the priority.
[00:54:38] And I, I use kind of primal things to remind my being. I’m part of an ecosystem. I tend to an ecosystem. And as part of that, there’s weather and there’s energy and there’s seasons and other things. And so if there are things that are dear to me. I do want to tend to them. I believe that trying smaller says, well, you know, what’s something small.
[00:55:12] Um, I could do for this with this person or towards this person, ridiculously small. Toward my daughter is she was down. They’re making chocolates. I didn’t know that they’re making chocolates. Obviously, their priority is doing chocolates rather than cleaning up. No, see, like, as soon as I get into priorities, I’m messing up my energy and my attitude.
[00:55:41] Smaller is, she had a bowl and her entire, she’s licking the bowl, using her hand, and her whole hand, she said, look dada, and her whole hand had little lick marks, it was, it was like finger painted chocolate all over her hand and part of her face and stuff.
[00:56:09] I just shared that. Was that a priority in the workshop? I don’t know because I, if I try to say, well, what was our, you know, we have a couple of things that we write down beforehand that are kind of attunements, but this is something we’re co creating. So part of it, trying smaller is. Oh, yeah. I’m mentally weighing, and it’s weighing me down.
[00:56:37] I’m mentally weighing, and it is weighing me down. Eyebrow. What if that’s my wisdom speaking? What if that’s my wisdom speaking? Side of the eye. Prioritizing. Is that really what I, how I want to live? Prioritizing. Is that really how I want to live?
[00:56:59] How about stewarding and tending? How about stewarding and tending? Under the nose. In a good and sufficient way. In a good or insufficient way. It’s not going to be perfect. It’s not going to be perfect. Hold on. I could make a list that’s so long. I could make a list that’s so long. It would tax my entire life force.
[00:57:24] It would tax my entire life force. Under the arm. I’m that powerful. I’m that powerful. Well, what’s one thing that is here for me now? What’s one thing that’s here for me now?
[00:57:46] I really love that. Um, I think, I think sometimes we’re so trained to have a list and control ourselves and inhibit certain reactions that we forget to be curious about who we are and what we want to do. And I’ve been trying to give, it’s, it’s been challenging for me. I tend to be very good at following the rules, but like, um, just sitting in.
[00:58:12] Being with myself until I do something, like, not thinking it through, not planning it through, just letting my being do something. And, rather than my, like you were talking about the mental planning and shoulds, it’s just like, what does my being want to do? What, what feels good to it right this moment? And giving myself some space to just be surprised and curious.
[00:58:34] And I find that that opens up things. The universe is sending a lot of amazing things our way. And if we’re like, so caught in the blinders, we don’t notice all these other amazing things out here. And sometimes it’s like, Oh, I just want to sit and watch the sunlight on the leaves outside for a minute.
[00:58:49] That’s what I, that’s what my being wants to do. And then it’s like, Oh, well, I’m suddenly cleaning the kitchen or cleaning the refrigerator out. And I’m like, I didn’t know my being wanted to do this. This is interesting. Um, so when I can get out of that doing into being, and it’s a practice, it’s a meditative, like, it’s living meditation, like being with ourselves in this minute, in this moment.
[00:59:11] What, you know, what does my being feel like doing? I think when we’re kids, we’re taught that if we’re, we’ll ramp it and like burn the house down if we don’t like control ourselves all the time. But as adults, we’re pretty good at not burning the house down. You know, just like what, what if, you know, I want to just watch the leaves outside for a few minutes.
[00:59:30] And then what if I want to clean one half of one shelf in the refrigerator and then I don’t want to do that anymore. Just letting myself be with the moment and with the energy of myself. Um, someone wrote, um, at times I could do tasks for others, things they consider a hassle for myself. And, um, this is, I, I believe that this holds a lot of essence around
[01:00:05] knowing ourselves and how we can be thriving and taking our essential nature, And putting it in a context where we can be in that more often. If you are the type of person that without being threatened, um, with loss of love or life or wellness, find yourself easier responding. To other people’s asking.
[01:00:38] And that is on the easier side for you. Chances are your design and nature, divine design and nature is more as a responder. That’s me. I’m a responder. Someone emails me. I can respond to that. Someone has a thing around. You know, making things bigger than they need to be. And I can respond and Cathy can respond with a workshop around trying smaller.
[01:01:14] We work really well with responding. I know it is a divine characteristic because my spiritual life is asking it is, then the universe responds. And I’m part of that. And that’s part of my nature. And I appreciate the askers. Like some people ask the greatest questions that really just bring forward from me.
[01:01:35] They’re such curious beings, such, such powerful students. Thank goodness the universe has that. And if If we’re having a hard time doing it for ourselves, that resistance, one of the things that we can do is say, well, Oh, you know, my liver, I wonder if it’s asking for anything. Oh, my tissues, my bones, my bones, are my bones asking for something, you know, and we, By including parts of ourselves, we can be responsive in that way.
[01:02:26] We can be responsive to our environment. What is the environment asking, you know? Energetically, things ask. If it’s a living thing, there’s so much asking that radiates from living things. And for those of us that are responders, um, that try smaller, Is designed to keep us in a place where we can feel what’s ours and what’s done for now.
[01:03:07] This is, this is, this is one of the strongest challenges for empathetic responders is that the world has infinite asking. It will draw you to the point where you’re depleted. One child is enough asking. Each of the two mind, you know, not yet adult Children that are in my world. Um, there is an Infinite amount of stuff I could do for them.
[01:03:43] Absolutely infinite
[01:03:47] and try smaller is yet it, it goes back to our pattern of body guidance. Yes to yes to yes. And it’s, it also recognizes that in the smallest, most subtle actions of love, loving response and artistry and care and kindness and generosity, stewardship, tending. Appreciation, um, delight, enthusiasm, engagement, presence, in all of those things, the most subtle part of it is an infinite gift too.
[01:04:28] Yes, the asking is infinite, but there’s an, it’s like how much energy is there when we split an atom, how much energy is in one small little bit of kindness. It’s extraordinary. May not be felt. Hopefully it doesn’t knock down trees. Um, But there’s, in our small acts, in our ridiculously tiny acts, there’s a, there’s a responsiveness that those of us who are responders and empathetic.
[01:05:04] We can tune ourselves to like, wow, you know, I’ve had a lot of pain and I just relaxed my neck just the most ridiculously small amount. And I felt this tingle all the way down. I got, ooh, so good. Try smaller. My, um, The most talented physical therapist I’ve, I’ve ever been blessed to, to meet at a time when I really needed somebody who could meet me in that realm of, what do we have to do so I’m better again?
[01:05:50] And actually guiding me toward a thriving existence. He said, no, no, no. Try smaller, try slower. Think teeny, tiny, small, delicious movements. And he put that word in there, that D word. Dang, I had never heard the D word. Delicious. Applied. to movement in my own body.
[01:06:30] The O word I’d heard, but not the D word, like a delicious, slow, deep movement
[01:06:43] and unwinding, which we’re going to be talking about unwinding shock next, um, next event, um, by going smaller, what you would consider subtle. You’re going to notice things. You’re going to notice how your body’s connected. How, oh, I get myself damped up by making it big. What if I make it really small? Like, you know, I’m just going to put the bowl out.
[01:07:19] You start noticing that the universe, and I use that to include the intelligent energy of which you’re a part, and which you’re connected, and which we’re all connected, shifts. It starts responding to you too. We responders. It’s not one directional, that’s why we have the chi to respond to other people’s asking.
[01:07:45] The universe is also responding to ours. Sometimes by, you know, having an owl from Hogwarts deliver a letter of freedom. Um, and more often it’s a little bit, it’s a lot more subtle.
[01:08:07] Oh, sorry. Oh, one of the things I want to add is, and this is it can be a tender thing for people, sometimes we’re not getting things done because we don’t want to grieve and let go of something, whether it’s, I’m never going to be a premier by, you know, Ballerina, or I really wanted, I love the idea of something I was going to create and didn’t get to, or sometimes it’s facing the fact that we have finite life and we are going to die.
[01:08:34] So, a lot of people face, in trying to deal with clutter or getting rid of things that are no longer applicable, there’s a lot of grief. And for that, again, if we can come, it’s, if we try to digest too much grief, it’s like, just our whole system is like, this is not safe. But if we can just look at one little aspect of it and just be with it, like, Oh, I really love the idea of this.
[01:08:58] I really wanted this to be part of my experience. I’m getting some really different experiences. They’re wonderful. Um, but I’m not going to be able to do everything that I dreamed of. Like my life, life in this form, this, you know, each round is, is finite and. It can be really hard to look at that to say, Hmm, I really, I had such, I attached such hope and meaning to that.
[01:09:23] And I really wanted that for myself. And it doesn’t like, it doesn’t, it’s not aligned anymore or my body, it doesn’t feel up to that. Or, um, I just, you know, I, I can only do so many projects in my life. Me, mindfully, meaningfully, I can try to do 20 projects. But only enjoy it a little bit, or I can do two projects and really be present with them and love them.
[01:09:48] So, but there can be a lot of sadness and a lot of resistance to doing that. And some people don’t want to let that go or even look at choices because of all the grief and the fear that can come up around it. Um, I love someone’s who shared, I have this fear that if I clean, organize my space, I’ll feel empty and alone because I’ve had moments where nothing, uh, oppressive is holding me back, just me and I can’t figure out how to fix me.
[01:10:16] Um, and I love that you shared this because there is that fear for many of us. It’s like the noise around us. Some of the people that I’ve worked with clutter the worst clutter is they don’t want to be with themselves. They don’t want the silence and I think getting, once we, if we can be with that fear, that fear of being empty and alone, on the other side of it, we start discovering ourselves, our true selves, not the self we project or we pretend to be, but the, Oh, this is the me.
[01:10:46] I’m curious about this being on the other side of this emptiness. Because when we’re so used to filling up our, our time with screen, you know, screens and, and flipping through Instagram or whatever and all the noise around us, it’s really hard to just find ourselves. There’s so much noise. We can’t hear.
[01:11:05] The quiet whispers of our own being and so there is often that there’s sadness they might be facing things like Ah, I don’t want to face this and that’s why it’s great to be part of the circle or get coaching or something like that Where you can have someone hold your hand if we can tolerate that again in small baby steps The person I’m working with, I’m working through some grief stuff now.
[01:11:30] I have an amazing person helping me. He’s Buddhist and helping me connect with some of these amazing teachers. But he’s like, can you just tolerate this feeling for a half a second? Just be with it for a half a second. And I do it and it’s like, ah, I don’t think I can do it anymore. And he’s like, we’re not going to do that right now again.
[01:11:48] But then five minutes later, he’s like, can you try to do it for one second? And I find that I can my, my muscles build up and then eventually I’m just like sitting alone in my hot tub or meditating or being alone and just being with those feelings because my muscles have built up but they won’t do it all at once.
[01:12:07] So, if maybe you can but I think it would strain something horrible on me, and I don’t want to do that to myself I want to be more gentle. But again, if you have feelings you’re trying to avoid. I invite you, if you can, get support, make a session with Rick, come to one of the group calls, whatever. Um, just being with yourself for just a second, or a half a second in that feeling, even though your brain’s telling you it’s too much, you just dip a toe in and then you run away.
[01:12:37] And then the next day you dip a toe in again, you can leave it for a little longer before you know it, you’re swimming in the deep end. But you have to start with those baby steps, something really small, again, for this. Um, and then I’m really discovering that I’m liking so much. I’m like, me is not who I thought me was.
[01:12:55] I’m like really surprised at some of the things I want to do and I’m curious about and that I’m doing. But until I got through all that noise and the, the fears, there just wasn’t space for me to hear myself. Hmm.
[01:13:11] Someone said, but going through boxes and I’ve stashed away all the boxes feels so daunting.
[01:13:20] You know, this is. It’s, it is a challenge to think about how to make that smaller, because as I think about it laid out as a task, it’s a task of going through all the boxes. That’s a big task. But what if it’s not a task? What if it was a treasure hunt? You’re like, I’m going on a treasure hunt. I’m just going to find one thing that I’m so glad I found.
[01:13:55] I’m just going to take a box, see if there’s any treasure in there. Something that I’m like, Oh, I’m so glad I found this. And I’ll do up to two boxes and see if I find any treasure.
[01:14:15] The smaller can be reframing it as something that’s, that’s in a different domain, right?
[01:14:31] I’ve had people who had, uh, a whole attic full of boxes and stuff that they hadn’t looked at in quite a long time. And the try smaller was, imagine I just went up and grabbed one of those boxes and took it to the dump, or took it to Goodwill. Let them sort through it. What comes up for you? And he’s not saying actually do it.
[01:14:58] He’s saying, notice what you feel if you consider doing that. Cause I saw some reactions on people’s faces. Reaction is what you’re looking for. That is your Your doorway reaction that’s stopping you from going through it. It could be, but, but, but those are my grandmother’s things. Okay, so all the feelings that are related.
[01:15:28] If there’s something that’s really daunting, And it continues and persists. The small thing can be, What would I grieve if I came home and none of them were there? Or just one. Um,
[01:15:52] that can feel even really big. How would I feel if I took my best friend and said, Here are all these boxes. You open one of them. And you can take the one thing, you can take anything in there out.
[01:16:11] Oh, well that might feel different.
[01:16:16] Smaller doorways can also be different doorways, different ways of seeing it. Um,
[01:16:28] sometimes when it really is emotionally big and we’ve, we’ve had people talk about dreams and things. Um,
[01:16:38] I have two guitars. I still have two guitars.
[01:16:53] Smaller for me has been, are there any organizations that provide guitars to musicians that have lost everything in a A storm like Helene or a fire like in LA or other places. Yes, there is. I found one. That was small enough to open up a possibility. If I wanted to sell one to be able to save it toward, you know, a return of another type of musical instrument in my future, is there a way for that?
[01:17:30] I did not take the guitars there. I’ve not cleaned them up, one of them sitting right there. Smaller can be just trying something on, and feeling whether there’s yes, grief, what comes up for us. And letting that mature over time, rather than treating, if I treated the guitars as a task of something that, I just need to find a new home for these guitars.
[01:18:00] As soon as I do that, I get that same kind of overwhelming reaction. But I can tell that things are changing. I can tell over, over lunchtime, you know, uh, we used an AI tool to create a, a song about chicken sandwiches. That was so much fun. And in that, in that little bit of creativity, it actually holds what I had hoped the guitars would be like.
[01:18:31] I could just grab a guitar and, and improvise a song, but my fingers start hurting when I think about going back to playing steel string guitars. Even though I’ve tried many ones, I believe that there is in our grief and loss of the dream, whether it’s around traveling or other things, that there’s also a seed of something fresh.
[01:19:00] I believe that as a, as, as someone who’s devoted to thriving, that as I look at things that, that ended, what didn’t end were the things that mattered to me. that there’s still like music and creativity and improvisation and surprise and delight. There are lots of ways to do that without me being the one to strum the instrument now.
[01:19:23] Well, I think sometimes if we let go of that you actually playing, you don’t know what comes back around. Like when we let something go, there’s room for more to come in. And I’ve often found when I’ve let something go, I thought, Oh, it’s over. And then a week or a month or a year, a decade later, it’s like, Oh, this is back in a different form where it’s really easy.
[01:19:43] Or it fits me better, and there’s magic in that for me. But I had to let go of the thing first before there was room for anything else to evolve. Someone shared that Next word. Go ahead. Oh, someone just shared that they were excited about the possibility of smaller ways of going through boxes and maybe have her daughter bring two things into the house rather than all of them.
[01:20:08] And I would recommend when you’re first starting this to go so small. Like, not two of them, bring one thing in. And if you have a box with stuff, like, again, it really helps for things to have a place to go. So I have like a box for trash, recycle, um, goodwill, and then the not here box. But I also, for paper, I have a scan this, file this boxes.
[01:20:32] Um, and Just go through one paper and just like breathe and take a break. Like just the one thing on the top. If you try to take too big a bite, you’re teaching your nervous system that this is still hard and challenging. So if you can, whether it’s emotional processing, paperwork, books, whatever you’re doing, see if you, how small can I break this down?
[01:20:55] It’s really powerful. Because there’ll be more paper.
[01:21:02] It’s part of the infinite list, and that’s part of the just to bring a full circle, try smaller is a real skill. It is something that you apply when it’s useful to you. Um, it’s not something that I was, I was taught to dream big and have huge aspirations that often overwhelmed me and created deep stress.
[01:21:23] By going smaller, we get into the essential nature of what matters to us. And it allows us to use our life force, our precious time, energy, and presence in ways that matter to us. And it makes it a lot easier to feel deep within what’s ready to move on. What dream, what to do item, what email. even some groups that you might be a part of.
[01:21:52] I love that. Thank you all for being here and being willing to look. It’s a challenging topic and I really hope that like you build those muscles and take tiny steps into making your life just amazing for yourself.
[01:22:09] Till next time. Bye.
[01:22:11]
Replay is below
