True, most of us will never become movie stars or famous athletes or try all the careers we once found intriguing. We will never visit all the places we want to see or befriend everyone we wanted to know better. However, Setiya suggests, this is just “a recognition of the richness of valuable things in the world.” Feeling regret in this sense is better than feeling nothing.
Or, as Setiya elaborates: “It’s tempting to complain about how even when things go well, there are all kinds of things you’ll never do. But there is a certain consolation in thinking why that is. It’s because the world offers up many different things worth doing and worth wanting. And it’s true you can’t do all of them. But to live a life where you don’t miss out, you’d have to be utterly blinkered, and narrow your focus so much there’s only one thing you care about. And that really isn’t a preferable life.”
In this vein, Setiya cites Plato’s observation in the “Philebus,” that to live with no unsatisfied wishes, “You would thus not live a human life, but the life of a mollusk or of one of those creatures in shells that live in the sea.”
This felt recalibrating today. I can’t imagine being so narrow that I didn’t realize that there is SO MUCH I shall “miss out on.” I cam grateful so much I’ll miss out on is by choice where and when it matters. Of course, there’s this vast expanse where dreams have traveled that I will never ever see.
Mmmm… It’s okay. I’m grateful for this Human Life.
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This was very helpful for me also. I have thought about the things I could have done or been if I hadn’t been so traumatized. But instead I took the “safe” road and got married. Of course there were/are big lessons in that choice @22. Now that I know myself better there are a lot of things I could have enjoyed. Gosh I might have enjoyed going to cooking school, or become a librarian. I had thought about being a psychologist but had no idea how to go about it. But you know what? I’m my own librarian. How much I enjoy the internet and looking up stuff. I read books on my ipad and many of them are free from the library. I can actually borrow free ebooks from our library. Magazines I read on apps and not long ago I was cooking something and had a question so I turned to Ms Google who helped me know how much of something to put in the gravy. And psychology? Rick and Cathy and all the calls and posts on here is so much fun to learn. There is so much I can delve into now where back when I was 22 there really wasn’t many choices. So yes there are things I won’t be doing but there are so many things I AM doing and enjoying. I’m not saying couldawouldabeen. BIG Sigh of contentment most days.
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Fascinating, isn’t it, to reach a point where childhood dreams often evolve into experiences that contain within them a similar essence to what we wanted “back then.”
I thought the pathway to helping people was through athletic training, which I did in high school, which got crushed in college. Psychology interested me, but the “pathologizing” felt wrong and disconnecting to me. Couldn’t a doctor because dissection often meant exposure to formaldehyde – which my body couldn’t handle.
Yet, I engage with the whole body, we together explore the confluence of feelings and living and pain and joy.
And yeah, I used to have this idea that being a cook meant being a fancy chef, able to do all these kinds of “fancy” foods. Today, being The Simpleton Chef I made breakfast with bacon, oatmeal, and sweet potatoes oven cooked in bacon fat and salt. So yummy! Not fancy. All the lives are far from uniform. And… the essence of Love people through nourishing food is there for me.
Love to you! Thanks for being in this exploration together!
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