I wanted to share about a technique I learned in a therapy session that’s proven useful to me - the Three R’s. You might think - Reduce, Reuse, Recycle? Yes… and…that’s great for the planet, but here’s another one for emotional freedom.
Regret
Responsibility
Remedy
Here’s the script with an example.
Regret - I’m sorry I (fill in the blank). It was wrong. (The shorter the better here).
“I’m sorry I made that issue about me. It was wrong.”
Responsibility - I should not have (fill in the blank).
“I should not have shifted that moment into my feelings.”
Remedy - I will (fill in the blank) in the future. Can we start again?
“I will try harder to stay focused on you in the moment. Can we start again?”
Would this also be in that formula? Wanting to get clear:
Regret - “I’m sorry I yelled and called you a stinky butt face.”
Responsibility - “I should not have resorted to name calling when I was angry.”
Remedy - “I will in the future seek to pause until my own emotions are under control and I can engage with safety and respect, which I know we both value. Can we start again?”
And, as with any formula for better communications and relationships, it’s vital for it actually to be heartfelt and not just recited!
I also like this in terms of speaking to ourselves:
“I’m sorry, sweet body, that I haven’t been tending to you as well as you deserve.”
“I shouldn’t have stayed up so late/eaten that thing that made me feel ill/missed my exercise or self-care time/consumed that media/entered that argument…”
“Today, I will do my best to listen to and honor what my body-mind-spirit needs, with loving attention and compassion for my mistakes as I continue to learn. Can we start fresh?”
I believe Susan Campbell calls this “Going out and coming in again” or “asking for a do over”.
I love the idea of being able to have this in our toolkit. There’s something huge about being able to redo something you wish you’d done differently and actually having the opportunity. It’s also beautifully childlike in it’s simplicity.
Yes, I tend to take any ideas of how to relate with other people better, and bring them inward to relate more healthily and lovingly with all the parts of myself too!
Because when that’s in good order, the outer relationships improve too.
That reminds me a little bit of this blog post I wrote about bringing all of our parts into right relationship with our wholeness — when we do the inner work, it’s much easier to do the outer work, and vice versa!
