Shame as a Fire Blanket
They dropped the blanket, the fire hushed. Suppression is useful. Therefore, shame is useful.
I saw a demo: an electric car catches fire; firefighters whip out a huge blanket, cover the car, and the flames go quiet. But don’t pull it off too soon! Leave it, and what would have burned for hours spewing toxic stuff hurts no one. Simple. Straightforward.
Same with a kitchen grease fire. Done right, suppression keeps the stove from burning down the kitchen, the building… maybe more. Suppression is useful when the goal is “do not destroy.”
Here’s the turn. When life gets hot, we throw a blanket of shame over our rising energy. It works—until it smothers who we are.
A useful question now is: Can I express my life force within this container without destroying what matters to me?
As kids, shame might have been all we had. It kept us safe by suppressing rage. Do it enough and emotional fire suppression becomes automatic.
Something flares, we reach for shame. “Oh, I don’t like what’s happening. I should feel ashamed. Now I do. Feelings suppressed. Good thing, right?” Like an amazing electric vehicle—don’t let it burn up. Suppress the fire. Hmm.
Life force suppression is a survival skill. If my rage would damage me or others, I want suppression handy. If I’m so angry at the car in front of me, I don’t want to ram them. I don’t want to hit people and be violent. If the impulse harms innocents, suppress it now; then learn the emotional skill to channel it elsewhere.
And yet… for people who want to be thriving (and even are, in some ways), we’ll feel a rising energy in our core. It’s a fire—activation energy… qi.
But rising power for those who have trained into suppression sets off alarms in the primitive brain. It remembers inner rage, rebellion against abuse, the urge to buck against control and dominance! Aren’t we SUPPOSED to feel ashamed about such feelings… and suppress them quick?
Here’s the thing. Us Freedom Kin aren’t into domination—of others or ourselves. Your freedom isn’t at the expense of mine, and we know it deep within ourselves, regardless of our previous conditioning.
We want to be in this world where we express our heartistry in ways that are consensual and beneficial—good for us and for those we’re connected to. That asks for us to shift from suppression to sufficiently safe expression.
When we throw a blanket of shame over who we are because our life force is rising, notice. It’s a clue—and a stubborn pattern.
I’ve used EFT tapping over what I learned to suppress. Tapping informs the energy impulse where ELSE it can go (other than shame).
Perhaps in this skill, we’re never completely “done.” But we definitely can get to the level where: when the blanket comes out of the emergency bag, and we smell that old sooty stench of past shame… there’s a gap just long enough to ask: “Is this a time to shame myself and shut down? Or, can I express myself reasonably safely within this container and with this person right now?”
Good news: Life force isn’t actually fire. If you suppress yourself with shame, the inner fire’s not gone out. You deprived it of free expression. You contained it.
But you cannot kill it. You can bury it under layers of granite; it’s still there. Go deep and there’s heat. You didn’t kill the fire.
Containers for Energy
I don’t go into a national forest and light a fire and leave it untended. That could destroy what I share with nature and my kinfolk. Our life force? We can tend and put appropriate containment around. Containment isn’t suppression. It’s closing the fireplace door so sparks don’t hit the carpet.
“Don’t play with matches” is a fine edict for a three-year-old. They don’t understand fires and fireplaces. A 30-year-old really should. Yes, I have powerful beliefs, ideas that inspire me, art I want to share. And there are places where those expressions are misfit place, misfit time. I adore bonfires! Lighting a bonfire in a grocery aisle even though they sell firewood: No.
So start with “who is Asking to see it?” Start with yourself. If it would be warming to express your thoughts, do that. Journaling gives me a safe place when people don’t. Paper listens. My spirit buddies celebrate what matters to me morning, noon, and night—realness around anger, yearning for different, the things that repulse me.
That’s not suppression. That’s selective expression.
Selective expression means I choose when and where to share. Safe? Welcome? Right container?
It’s okay to moderate your energy. Sensors help: this person won’t celebrate my success. Okay. Is there anyone who will? Anyone?!? Maybe not today in person. There’s still the page. There are still spirit buddies. There’s still our own attentive presence.
Sometimes it’s just closing the fireplace door, not to kill the fire, but to keep sparks off the carpet when the wood is crackly. Fire has a life of its own, a life force, power that’s useful if we have savvy. We contain so it doesn’t destroy. We also learn to tend it. Steward our fire.
Tools help:
- EFT for the learned “choke off my truth” points.
- Journaling for expression.
- Breath, a pause, a walk—containers that let chi move without scorching.
If a belief pops up—“I don’t feel safe because… I don’t feel ready because…”—know the surface reason is usually not the core issue. The Useful Spirit Buddy in me says, yes, you suppressed there. Congrats: you succeeded in not burning down your life. The energy isn’t dead.
Now ask: What was rising? Where does it belong?
Candle, campfire, bonfire, furnace—same fire element, different containers.
Start with a candle. If you’re worried your emotions will run away, tend an actual flame. Light a candle. Notice what it takes to light it, keep it, put it out and relight later. Ask again: Can I express my life force within this kind of container?
We’re more alive than we fear. The parts of me that want to warm and glow and sparkle and crackle and have dances and tasty roasted marshmallows—those parts are not ever “wrong” even if misfit for a specific time, place, or person.
They are energy. They are life. It’s exciting to feel how much life force is inside (and not be so scared that we throw the blanket over it again and again).
Even after decades under blankets, the glow remains. Crack the door. Light the candle. Tend it. Let it warm you and bring you peace without burning the house down.
Useful Concepts for Thriving in This Story
-
Awareness
Noticing inner signals and outer conditions so choice becomes possible. -
Better Boundaries
Limits that protect safety and respect while allowing true expression. -
Emotional Freedom
Feeling fully without being ruled by suppression or reactivity. -
Primitive Brain
The survival scanner that can mistake rising energy for danger and shut us down. -
Stewardship
Tending our inner fire so its heat serves us and our kin without harm.