Real Skills Workshop - Community Event
Rewire a Limiting Belief to Re-Inspire Action
Real Skills Workshop: Inspired Action
Hosts: Rick Wilkes (@Rick) and Cathy Vartuli (@Cathy)
Recorded Sun May 26 2024
Replay is below
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Do you ever feel like something’s holding you back from expressing yourself? Join us for Rewire a Limiting Belief to Re-Inspire Action.
Is there a belief you have that dims your light and stops you from taking action?
Who doesn’t?!?!!
Limiting beliefs… limit us! They set a boundary on how much we shine and what we even consider attempting.
If we’re going to grow and express ourselves in fresh ways, the beliefs we have NOW will need to be re-framed and re-wired in our body-mind.
I’m so excited to join together with Cathy to do this with you for 90-minutes. It’s actually fun and frees up a lot of energy when done with compassion and power.
Consider joining us, and providing financial support… and if you don’t or can’t… no worries! Thanks for taking care of yourself. Everyone gets the recording who signs up.
Replay is below
Hosts: Rick Wilkes ~ Thriving Now and Cathy Vartuli ~ The Intimacy Dojo
If you’re new to tapping, we have a free EFT Tapping Course here.
Replay is below
Appreciate You! Our inbox is open!
With love,
Rick & Cathy ~ ThrivingNow
Your Emotional Freedom Coaches
Schedule private sessions here
P.S. Adira says, “Sometimes what is keeping you back from what you desire needs… a firm whack or two!”
Limiting Beliefs are GREAT! For safety. But when it is time to grow and build… it’s time to do some renovation. Join us for Rewire a Limiting Belief to Re-Inspire Action.
Yes, beliefs limit us. We tend to feel those limits and react… either shut down or rebel.
But is there a different way?
Of course. It’s just not “obvious” because by default we treat our beliefs as being “true.”
“I’m not good enough.” True. You’re not.
I’m not either.
I cannot swim across the Atlantic. You can’t either. Believing we’re not “good enough” is GREAT! It keeps us safe from being foolish.
But what about having your own business? Building something that is crafted to benefit your thriving (and those you serve)?
Are you also “not good enough” ??
I don’t know. But if you have that belief, it is to keep you safe.
Safe from what, though?
Safe from criticism? Well, it’s true that if you do your work in the world, you will be criticized and judged. If you are not prepared for that, if you will collapse into wanting to hide forever if someone says NO to you, then the belief that you are not good enough is protecting you. It’s keeping you safe.
That doesn’t mean, in general, that you are “not good enough” to build a thriving business of your own!
That’s where limiting beliefs fail us. They need to be rewired to allow for growth.
The generalized belief that we’re “not good enough” is silly. It is trying to keep us safe by turning off our life force rather than directing it.
Directing our energy sounds like, “I aspire to grow a business of my own, for all the pleasures, challenges, and freedom it offers. As I explore what will be involved, I recognize areas where I’ll be wanting to build more strength and resilience. I love that! It’s worth it to me to get stronger physically, clearer in my decisions, emotionally resilient to naysayers and non-customers, deepen my spiritual connections, and set and maintain better boundaries. YES!”
When we respect that our limiting beliefs are there to keep us safe, we can go deeper and rewire them to be more suitable to what we want NOW. For our thriving… now.
That’s what we’ll be doing together.I’m so excited to join together with Cathy to do this with you for 90-minutes. It’s actually fun and frees up a lot of energy when done with compassion and power.
Consider joining us…
Replay is below
Appreciate You! Our inbox is open!
With love,
Rick & Cathy ~ ThrivingNow
Your Emotional Freedom Coaches
Schedule private sessions here
P.S. Adira says, “And they said you can only go DOWN the slide… but that isn’t MY limiting belief!”
Rewire a Limiting Belief to Re-Inspire Action - Session Replay
We welcome your insights, ah-ha’s, and sharing. Please! Click [Reply]
We covered…
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Beliefs are like shortcuts - they can serve us by making it easier to navigate the world, but outdated beliefs formed when we were young or experienced trauma can also hold us back. It’s essential to re-examine and “rewire” beliefs as we grow and gain more life experience.
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Questioning long-held beliefs can feel scary because it means admitting we don’t fully know how the world works. This triggers our survival brain, but on the other side of that discomfort is greater freedom and possibility. Be patient and compassionate with yourself through this process.
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A key indicator that a belief is armored by trauma is when it feels illogical or overly black-and-white, like “I always fail” or “I’m too old to change.” Trauma beliefs are often formed in childhood and are reinforced by painful experiences, making them resistant to change through logic (or positive affirmations) alone.
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To begin rewiring a limiting belief, get curious about the “because.” What experiences or messages from your past might have caused you to form this belief? Acknowledging the origin story with compassion is an important first step.
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If a belief is stopping you from taking inspired action towards what matters to you, that’s a sign it needs updating. You can’t just think your way out of a limiting belief – you need to take small steps to have experiences that evolve it and reveal your true capabilities.
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Appreciating a limiting belief’s positive intention, like keeping you safe, is more effective than beating yourself up. Thank the belief for its efforts, then gently open to the possibility that it may be outdated and you have outgrown the perceived threat. You’re more resilient now!
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Beliefs rooted in trauma can narrow our perception of what’s possible. As you begin to dissolve the trauma and expand your tolerance for discomfort, whole new worlds can open up. What might become available if you were less limited by this belief?
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There is no such thing as a “normal” path. Release the belief that you need to fit in or follow a prescribed timeline. You are a unique human with your own gifts, challenges, and natural rhythms. Let’s embrace our differences!!
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Trying to avoid pain or discomfort takes an enormous amount of energy. As you dissolve limiting beliefs, you’ll likely discover a new lightness and vitality. Reclaiming your full self is a joyful, enlivening process.
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Shifting limiting beliefs is courageous, challenging work. Be patient and savor each small win. Beliefs soften gradually with repeated inspired action. Each step is bringing you closer to a more authentic, thriving life.
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Having a supportive community to cheer on your progress and lend a hand when you stumble is invaluable. Join with people who accept you as you are while encouraging your growth. You don’t have to go it alone in this process!
Remember, transformation is possible with awareness, acceptance, a dose of self-compassion, and a desire to slowly expand your comfort zone. Keep leaning in the direction of beliefs that inspire and energize you. You’ve got this!
Resources Mentioned
Click for Computer Generated Transcript
Rewire a Limiting Belief to Re-Inspire Action
[00:00:00] Rewire a limiting belief to re inspire action.
[00:00:03] It is great to be here with Cathy Vartuli from the Intimacy Dojo and Thriving Now. I’m Rick from Thriving Now. And I have beliefs. I have beliefs that started before I even had words for them. And I’ve been thinking about this topic a lot, and I’m excited to be exploring it with you, whether you’re here with us live or in the studio.
[00:00:25] Are watching the replay. Welcome. Appreciate that you’re the type of person that looks at these things and looks for ways that you can re inspire your action. Because I think that is the, the core intention is that if there is something that you’re wanting to do, wanting to experience, to be more yourself in some way, but you’re not in the emotional freedom world, there’s a belief there.
[00:00:54] And it can be a little belief, it can be something you know about, it can be subconscious, it can even be pre verbal, and it can be a big hairy belief that has a lot of energy behind it. Um, and we’re together today in this Real Skills Workshop to take a belief and do some rewiring to be able to find a way for your energy system To be able to re energize, re activate, and re engage with what matters to you in a way that feels more you.
[00:01:28] Um, Cathy, we’re, we’re exploring a number of things. Would you like to get us started with this, uh, where to, how do beliefs serve us? Do they serve us? Are they just like these nasty things that get in our way of what we want to do and be? I think like anything powerful they can serve us or they can get in the way.
[00:01:47] We can, you know, people are, a car is very useful, but it also hurts the environment sometimes. Like how are we using it? Are we using it for good? Are we using it, is it outdated? And, you know, Holding us back. So beliefs are not good or bad in themselves. If they’re based on reality, they give us an easy way to function.
[00:02:10] So what, one of the ways I like to use this is we have expect beliefs are kind of expectations that are hardened into like, this is how life works. So if I go, if I’m walking down the street and I see a sign that says. I have the expectation, the belief, that I can walk in there and get food. It’s much easier than going into every door as I go down the street trying to look for food, not knowing what, you know, there’s rest, there’s all these buildings, like which one provides food.
[00:02:39] So beliefs are kind of shortcuts. They’re good ways for us to template our world, and they can be really helpful. But unfortunately a lot of our beliefs are formed when we’re very young. We are trying as little kids to figure out how is this world function? What is, how do I fit in this world? What is safe?
[00:02:57] What isn’t, and we’re experiencing things without a lot of previous experience or context to put it in. We haven’t lived in other families. We haven’t seen a lot of different experiences. So we’re making snap judgments based on a small child’s brain. Um, and that small child did their very best. They’re, they’re quite brilliant to come up with what they do, but we often don’t re examine them when we’re older.
[00:03:21] We often just kind of carry along with that two or three or four year old decided about the world, and we never question it. And it can really limit us in ways that seem, um, the problem with beliefs is we believe them. We think they are real, and beliefs are actually just a context that we gave that we can reexamine, but we’re kind of like, oh, this is, this is what I believe.
[00:03:46] I’m not going to question it. Of course, you know, if I drink water, I’m, you know, if I pour water over me, I’m going to get wet. Of course, if I, like, stub my toe, it’s going to hurt. We have like certain things that are physically real. Yes. If I stubbed my toe, it’s probably going to hurt. Um, but we also have context about what we’re capable of or how safe we are or how other people are going to treat us that are not locked in stone.
[00:04:10] They’re not physical. Like this is what reality is. They’re decisions we made about the world when we were little and we’ve held on to them very tightly because we want to be safe. We want to feel like we understand the world. Questioning beliefs is incredibly triggering because we’re telling our brain we don’t actually know how the world works.
[00:04:31] We’re questioning the thoughts we have about it. And our survival brain does not like that. It’s like, no, no, no. Back away, back away real fast, because anytime we don’t know how the world works, that means we’re not as safe as we thought we were. And we may find we’re much safer on the other side, but that questioning the belief is very triggering.
[00:04:51] So one of the things I’m going to do is I’m putting in the chat, two links. Um, one is for our tapping guide, if you want that, but the grounding guide is also there. And we put that together because. It may seem really fine when we’re first starting to look at these. We can’t always know what anchored the trigger or the decision about our safety or how we function in the world or how the world works.
[00:05:13] And we might be kind of bopping along doing great doing some tapping and all of a sudden Something, you know, like a lot of emotions come up. So the grounding guides can, are ways that you can use to just help you like step out of the middle of the, you know, like you’re bopping along doing your stuff and then you’re in the middle of something that maybe you experienced when you were three, that was really triggering, really intense.
[00:05:34] It may not be like big T trauma, but to a little kid, it might’ve felt impossibly scary. And in that moment, you might’ve made the decisions. So sometimes some of our limiting beliefs are really anchored in a traumatic or intense experience. And as we’re trying to dissolve that, we not only have the, our survival brain going, whoa, no, no, no, we know what we’re doing.
[00:05:55] Don’t change the rules. And then we also have this experience that might’ve been really traumatic, may have never been addressed. So we want to make sure you have the grounding exercises. And if something’s coming up, you’re welcome to share with us here, or go to Rick’s Circles, or, you know, get off the call and take care of yourself however you want to.
[00:06:15] So we just want to kind of give that context. A lot of these dissolve really easily, and sometimes we hit something with a lot of intensity. So just want to make sure. I am feeling very sad. But I forgot to start the recording. No, I didn’t start start. It is recording. It’s because Zoom moves it up into the different part of the screen.
[00:06:32] It’s changing stuff around. I’m not sad anymore.
[00:06:40] And, and I really appreciate that context that you gave us. Um, as I’ve been feeling into the beliefs and looking at them, uh, in myself and clients in the community, in the world, um,
[00:06:58] If we start with an assumption, so I, I have a belief that beliefs are there to keep us safe. I don’t believe that, uh, another belief is. They’re probably beliefs that really have nothing to do with safety, like those shortcuts that a cafe, there’s food in a cafe, that sort of belief from experience that I’ve built up when it comes to self concepts, how do I look at myself, how do I look at what I’m capable of doing and not capable of doing.
[00:07:29] How do I perceive my role and place and fit in the world that it is useful from an emotional freedom standpoint. Perspective to look at how does this keep me safe?
[00:07:51] How does it help me fit in in the world? Um, the chat is open if there’s a belief that you’d like us to You’d like to volunteer for us to use as an example, uh, please feel free Um,
[00:08:11] there’s a belief that is extremely common um At, at least when I’ve had a chance to observe, um, hundreds and hundreds of people working with Carol Look, for example, who’s a real artist with limiting beliefs, uh, there’s a belief I’m, uh, it’s not safe to shine. It’s not safe to stand out another word, another kind of way of expressing that.
[00:08:43] Now, as soon as I say that my primitive brain back here goes, Oh yeah, right. That’s absolutely true. Other parts of me don’t have that same reaction, but if we’re still stuck in our safety. It’s not safe to stand, it’s not safe to stand out. One of the first skills that we can do is, with a belief is, let’s get more specific.
[00:09:14] Because,
[00:09:18] and when you answer that, be open to a number of different reasons. Some may come from here, some may come from here, some may come from your gut. Some may not make any sense, as Cathy said. They may not make any sense. It’s not safe to stand out because They’ll kill me. They? Kill? Like there’s a part of my brain that goes, What are you talking about?
[00:09:47] Um
[00:09:50] By answering the because and coming up with some reasons those give you a sense of how your energy your energy is wired
[00:10:04] the the belief stands as the It’s not safe to stand out. It’s not safe to shine The because is the wiring into your past experiences, um, the things that, that were, it could be traumatic. It could be observational. I observed my older brother standing out and I saw what happened to him. Hmm. I don’t want that to happen to me.
[00:10:38] If we’re going to rewire, which is the skill that we’re working on in this workshop, Having an idea of where the belief is wired. Someone said, I cannot do this because
[00:10:57] it could be coming to another belief. I’m not smart enough because, or where did I learn that? Where did I get that belief? Where did it come from? I’m not smart enough because my parents said I was the stupid one in the family or that teacher who looked at me like, wow, what an idiot. I wish you weren’t in my class.
[00:11:23] You see the wire. Can you feel it? I have a belief that it’s too late to make a living by being an artist, which can only recently had the courage to call myself because
[00:11:41] it could be that you know, like, I’ve, I have no experience with anyone in their 70s ever making money, starting to make money as an artist. So I don’t have any exposure experience. One of the things that could be happening there too, though, I noticed that if you say you’re too fat, you’re too old. I’m putting the too fat on me.
[00:12:04] I often do that or I’m too old or any of those. I think our system as a protective mechanism puts a deflection field around anything that’s painful like that. So it feels. I don’t like the feeling of I can’t do something or I’m not capable or they’ll reject me. So it feels bad. So just like we might get a callus on our finger, if we constantly rub against something, we kind of put a callus around the feeling.
[00:12:30] We don’t want to approach it. And if we have a too much feeling, I’m too old, I’m too fat, I’m too whatever. Like for me, it’s like, well, if I could fix the fat, then maybe I could do this thing, but I’m not going to fix the fat because I don’t want to actually. Get approached that thing. It could be a loop block, or if I’m too old, I can just wait till I die.
[00:12:53] Then I never have to face that. So I just want to point out that sometimes we put catalysis around these, these sensitive spots, and it’s harder to look at it. And when we make it a broad thing, if you know, I can’t do, I’m not good at anything, for example, it kind of spreads the pain out. Rather than being right at the point where I can’t connect with other people or I’m not worthy of love.
[00:13:16] Like if we get a little more specific about it, it’s more, a little more painful. We’re starting to feel the pressure of that, that pain a little more sharply, if that makes sense. So not everybody will hold it this way, but I, I have noticed this for myself and with other clients I’ve worked with that sometimes we’re trying to block, we’re trying to stay away from that discomfort.
[00:13:37] I feel facing something that we didn’t know how to heal when we were little. So when we were little, we probably tried to fix it as much as we could. I’m not safe because mom’s mad at me for something. She doesn’t love me anymore. How can I be lovable? And we try and we try, and then we may eventually figure out I don’t feel like I can ever be lovable around this, with her, around this thing.
[00:13:59] So we may have tried to fix it, and we gave up. So the belief we can’t fix it anymore is kind of embedded with the belief. It’s not, it’s not just, I’m not good at this. It’s I will never be good at this. I can never fix this because if it’s something I can possibly change, I don’t speak Russian. For example, if I wanted to learn to speak Russian, I am fully capable of doing it.
[00:14:21] And I’m confident I could do it. There’s nothing to avoid about it. It’s just a decision about how I want to spend my time. But if there’s a trauma or a fear around it, I’m just not, I’m going to be like, It’s like pushing it away as much as I can, trying to stay in my comfort zone. So hopefully that’s helpful and some of that might help some of you.
[00:14:41] Right. And, um, the person also said the reason that they can’t make a living as an artist It’s too late to make a living by being an artist, which only recently had the courage to call myself. So the belief has shifted. I’m an artist. That’s a belief. Um, and it’s awesome. It takes courage to identify as something that matters to us, to be able to share it in the chat.
[00:15:09] So from a rewiring standpoint, there’s this, Oh, I actually am an artist. But notice something to make a living. And, and they said, um, because my father told me I couldn’t make a living being an artist.
[00:15:30] Anyone feel the wire that got hardwired in? If you’re an artist, there’s no wire for making a living, making money, sufficient money, and if you can’t make sufficient money, don’t be the artist. There’s no way for you to get there. Well, because making a living, if you said, if we use the rewiring, because making a living of being an artist is really what matters to me at this point.
[00:16:04] Maybe that’s true, but maybe that’s horseshit, right? Maybe being an artist is like, and I would find joy in creating art that is valuable to others and exchanging that for money and using that money for something else that matters to me too. Do you notice how there’s a very different wire? It bypasses the make a living.
[00:16:32] Oh yeah. Well, what does it mean to make a living? Oh, it’s not what my father said. It’s not what my father believed. So I’d like to use that one as an example, if it’s okay. Um, because I think that it fits with inspired action. If. If we have this block, I’m too old. That’s so general. You’re not dead yet.
[00:16:57] Okay. Um, but a lot of people have that. It’s like, Oh, I’m too old too. And I think that’s where Cathy is saying that acts as a bubble belief, right? And I pulled that one out when I was 35. So like, there’s not, and I’ve done many of the things I was too old to do. And I pull it out every so often. It was bullshit back then.
[00:17:18] It’s probably bullshit now, so right, but it’s protective. It’s there in the primitive brain about what does it mean? Um, how can I protect myself? I’m too old. Notice how that that just like if I say it, I said I was too old in my at 29. I said I was too old at every age I until I looked at that and said, you know, I’m I have a different belief now that there’s a way to thrive.
[00:17:47] Even when I’m dying. And so
[00:17:54] to ground it again, and okay, so you, you were an artist, you have this noisy wire, this, this hard wire. that came from early on about making a living. This is how I would do some rewiring, um, on that, even though I have this belief. Even though I have this belief. And I know where I got it. And I know where I got it.
[00:18:22] My father told me. My father told me. And he’s the expert. And he’s the expert. You cannot argue with him. You cannot argue with him. And I learned not to argue with him. And I learned not to argue with him. But it’s stuck around even now. But it’s stuck around even now. I acknowledge I am an artist. I acknowledge I am an artist.
[00:18:50] What does it mean to live as an artist? What does it mean to live as an artist? Notice how I, I used live, an artist, but not make a living. Okay, so it’s a little playful. What would it mean to live life as an artist? What would it mean to live life as an artist?
[00:19:12] And exchange some of that for money. And exchange some of that for money. Side of the eye. Not all of me needs to be exchanged for money. Not all of me needs to be exchanged for money. Under the eye. I wonder what it’s like to live as an artist. I wonder what it’s like to live as an artist. Under the nose.
[00:19:31] I’m curious if I could make some money as an artist. I’m curious if I could make some money as an artist. Chen, would I actually croak if I don’t make money as an artist? Would I actually croak if I don’t make money as an artist? Hold on. He didn’t have a clue. He didn’t have a clue.
[00:19:55] And it’s okay for me to live as an artist. And it’s okay for me to live as an artist. And explore ways I can make money from it or not. And explore ways I can make money from it or not.
[00:20:09] And I do think it’s sometimes useful to, some of our parents are really stuck or they, they really, they had a belief. They believe something and they pass that belief on to us. They’re probably intending to try to help us keep safe or not shame them or, you know, not bother them too much. They had, they had a reason for what they said, and it could have been very protective of us.
[00:20:30] Maybe they just really didn’t want to see us suffer. But those beliefs, again, we believe they’re true. They believe they were true. And the question is, are they, are they real? Is that a real thing? And when we start questioning things like that, we get a lot of freedom. Is it can be scary, but the other side of that is just so much ease and just walking in as we, as we break down these beliefs, it’s like, Oh.
[00:20:55] I was holding myself back. My own powerful being was holding me back from creating what I wanted to create. Um, and I just love that sense of freedom being released. I think that’s just really important to realize we’re holding ourself back now because we believe something very strongly. And there’s the old analogy we’ve often used on our calls about, it’s actually how they train baby elephants.
[00:21:17] They take a baby elephant and they put a rope around its foot and then they, you Stake the thing and the baby elephant learns that the rope means it can’t go anywhere. And they can do, they can take a full-grown elephant that could so easily pull that stake out of the ground and just walk away and they can put it down with a little stake.
[00:21:34] And the elephant has believed, decided that it can’t do it. So it just stays with this little rope and stake. We’re doing that to ourselves, not, it’s not anything to put anyone down. But this is how we were raised. We weren’t taught different ways to clear this out. And that’s what, and Rick and I are so excited to share this with you because clearing it out gives so much freedom that you might not have, like, you’ve been holding yourself back in ways you may not have realized.
[00:21:58] So, and like, someone shared a really interesting, um, belief that I, I find myself really curious about. I can’t, cannot do home repairs because. That’s my husband’s job, because notice that that sort of stops there, right? Because it’s my husband’s job, but we know there’s more, right? Because now what are some of the possibilities that you for yourself?
[00:22:32] Is there something that you’re stopped from doing because it’s somebody else’s job or something that you have to do because it’s your job? Because, and as we go down into it, it can be, um, because I am a man or because I am a woman or because, because, because, and what’s interesting is you may decide not to do any home repairs, but if you get down another layer or two in a belief like that, you start landing with something that has a subconscious effect.
[00:23:14] What I mean by that is. Um,
[00:23:21] if you have a belief that to be a good spouse, for example, you have to X because and you sit there and you’re well, because that’s, that’s the woman’s job, or that’s the man’s job, right? Unless you’re actually using your genitals to do the job, it’s not any gender’s job. Now, now that’s a very powerful belief that Cathy has.
[00:23:52] I agree. I share that belief. There’s, it’s insidious because we’re in a culture and we are raised observing other people and what they do and what they don’t do. Um, and if you’re interested in rewiring it, You can take a belief like, even though I cannot do home repairs, Even though I cannot do home repairs.
[00:24:20] because that’s the husband’s job. Because that’s the husband’s job. And I’m the woman. And I’m the woman. I wonder how that might be affecting other things that I want to do. I wonder how that might be affecting other things that I want to do. Top of the head. Do I want to do home repairs? Do I want to do home repairs?
[00:24:42] Eyebrow, what if it’s okay if I do home repairs? What if it’s okay if I do home repairs? Side of the eye. What if there are things that I want to do? What if there are things that I want to do? Under the eye. Actions I want to take. Actions that I want to take. That fit into this same belief. That fit into that same belief.
[00:25:06] Chin. It’s somebody else’s job, so I don’t get to. It’s someone else’s job, so I don’t get to. It’s my job. And I, so I have to, it’s my job. So I have to,
[00:25:23] I’m really open to coming up with some new options here. I’m really open to coming up with some new options here. This is not a program I want running in the background. This is not a program I want running in the background. And you can, again, like, if you feel as strongly as Cathy, it’d be like, you know, because unless I’m actually using my genitals to do it.
[00:25:47] It’s not gender determined. Uh, that can give you an inspired energy. It does take chi. Okay. And we’re going to get into this in a bit more as we go forward, but it’s does take life force to change a belief you you’re showing already the courage to look at it. And if you go a couple days. Layers deeply.
[00:26:15] You may feel, Oh, that’s it. That’s what you’re looking for is the, a little teary, a little rage, a little something that says, okay. This is the belief that’s operating. Yeah. I think it’s useful too, that there’s a couple of things about this. I just want to point out one, you never, nobody ever has to do home repairs if they don’t want to.
[00:26:42] There’s other things we can do. We could trade job, work with someone. We can hire someone. Do you want to invest in that is a good question. I also like. Questioning where those beliefs came from. And I think personally, I think a lot of that comes from, we used to get married for convenience, you know, the idea of marriage for love was not really, that’s a relatively new thing.
[00:27:02] And if we could entangle two people, they were more likely to stick together. So if I’m dependent, he does, if he doesn’t know how to boil an egg and I don’t know how to fix, you know, the door hinge, we’re kind of stuck together. We’re afraid to separate. So I think there is a societal thing of like, let’s, let’s, let’s, let’s, let’s Bind people together.
[00:27:20] Um, and the other thing that comes up is like, for, for the things that are gender assigned, cause I studied it. I’m like, looked at this because I’m, I’m a, an engineer in a field where mostly our men. Most boys when they’re, I’ve watched people with this and I see that. It starts when they’re very young.
[00:27:38] Most boys are handed a screwdriver. Their dad sits there with them and they’re like, they fumble, they stumble. Their dad’s like patient with them, helps them like figure out how to do it. And they get better and better. So they’re competent at it. They’re not afraid of it. I’ve been a PhD engineer. So I think it’s for someone who’s, you know, female identified, feels a little bit uncomfortable.
[00:28:08] It’s the opportunity to learn because we get, We’re going to be awkward when we do something new, when we haven’t done it before. That opportunity to go through that awkward stage of learning is taken away from us. And we’re kind of like, Oh, no, no, let someone else do it. And you know, like when you’re in the awkward stage, it’s like, it’d be really easy to have someone else take care of this.
[00:28:26] I’m just going to like, and they don’t want me to do it. So it’s, it’s really easy for that to get pushed through. And I just, I want everyone to have the freedom to do whatever they want, what they choose to do. So, um, yeah, thanks. My soapbox.
[00:28:44] See, it, you, by using chi, you can be with the situation. Um, someone said, um, so there’s a belief there will always be someone waiting for me to do something so they can accuse me of failing. No, I, I know this person and I know the pervasive nature of being, of growing up in that kind of environment and in that environment, it’s definitely safest not to do anything at all.
[00:29:19] which is the other point made. How in the world do you rewire that?
[00:29:27] How true does it feel that there will always be someone waiting for you or anyone to do something so they can accuse them of failing? How many of us have lived enough of life to see that amidst the humanity, the sea of humanity, They’re going to be jerks who don’t do shit in their lives. Insecure people.
[00:29:56] Insecure people that want to pull you down. Who wait to watch, Oh, that Taylor Swift sang off key there. I heard her. You know, right? Billionaire, uh, success.
[00:30:15] So, what’s the rewiring? To me, there’s an acknowledgement. There will always be somebody. But I’m not living with them anymore. So this is, yeah. Even though they taught me. Even though they taught me. There’ll be always be someone waiting at home. There’ll always be someone waiting at home. For me to do something.
[00:30:40] For me to do something. So they can accuse me of failing. So they can accuse me of failing. I have good news for my primitive brain. I have good news for my primitive brain. None of those fuckers are waiting for me at home anymore. None of those fuckers are waiting at home for me anymore. I can’t come to the curb.
[00:31:01] Yeah, and even though there are people that will point to other people’s failures. Even though there are people that will point to other people’s failures. I’m not so foolish to think that there aren’t. I’m not so foolish as to think they’re not. I’ve decided those are not my kin. I have decided those are not my kin.
[00:31:22] I don’t hang with people anymore that do stuff like that. I don’t hang with people that do that kind of thing anymore. And I’m not that kind of person. And I’m not that kind of person. It was safe back then. It was safe back then. Under the eye. Now it’s a shutdown. Now it’s a shutdown. And I’m tired of it.
[00:31:41] I’m tired of it. I’m even redefining what failing means. I’m even redefining what failing means. What a useless term. What a useless term for exploring and trying things out for. Exploring and trying things out. What a useless term. What a useless term for exploring and trying things that matter to me for exploring and trying things that matter for me.
[00:32:09] I acknowledge they were very impactful. I acknowledge they were very impactful. And I can rewire my beliefs. And I can rewire my beliefs.
[00:32:22] Ah, that was really nice. I do think that most of the people that pull other people down are insecure. I notice when I’m most judgmental of other people, I’m like, if I just take a breath and look in, I’m like, Oh, I’m feeling really insecure about myself. I’m trying to make myself feel better. And also, like, I think that sometimes our parents are trying to encourage us by pointing out our failures.
[00:32:42] But like, I watch how Rick and Jim handle Adira when she’s walking and when she was learning to walk, they didn’t say, Oh, look, you fell. You look, you fell. Oh, look, you failed. They were like, Oh, yay. Good job. You took a step. Oh my God. You’re like, like our parents might have been wired that way from our, from previous generations, but it’s not a good way.
[00:33:02] It’s not a competent way to get people to do things better by pointing out their failures may have meant thought they meant it well, but that wasn’t very well examined in what they were doing. And I, I wanna point that there’s a, I believe we as a community are exploring a, a, a sea change in the way that we interpret the world.
[00:33:26] And what I mean by that is that, um, if you’re a father of a, of someone, and, uh, you know that for them to survive, they’re better off as a lawyer. More likely, if you’re a lawyer, you point at your son and say, we are lawyers. You’re going to become a lawyer because that’s how you’re going to survive. That’s how you’re going to support your family.
[00:33:49] That’s how you’re going to be wealthy enough that you’re not going to end up, uh, like those families during the depression when I grew up. And, um, and so you kill the dream because the dream has more risk for survival and you put your son. My father on train tracks to become a lawyer. Okay. That’s for survival.
[00:34:20] That’s parenting for survival, parenting for thriving says, no, don’t hang out the third floor window. Okay. For survival. There’s parenting for survival that still exists, but most of my parenting is, yeah, that is the risk reward. Is it going to kill you? If it’s not likely to kill you, if it’s not likely to do you grievous harm, if there were, we’re exploring a world where the tools of creativity, what does it even mean to be an artist?
[00:34:56] My gosh, what an incredible time to be alive, to, to explore. What does it mean to live as an artist? I live as a artist. It’s my artistry that I’m exploring and making a living. Is best for survival I’m not really, honestly, all that worried about life or death, starving to death. I’m not. It’s a factor. I do work for money so that that doesn’t happen, but it’s not, I don’t want it to be the biggest part of my belief system.
[00:35:31] And so, um, This whole, some of these things we can point to beliefs are like, you know, that’s dusty. That’s moldy. That’s rotten. That’s archaic. That belongs to an age that I’m not living in. We can rewire through that acknowledgement that we are evolving about what it means to be. Um, masculine, regardless of your body, feminine, regardless of your body, yin, yang, regardless of the form that you’re in.
[00:36:06] What does it mean to have, uh, a diversity, right? And someone, someone talked there and, and I’m just gonna, I’m gonna, I’m just gonna My boss, it was always my boss. Now that is a belief it’s shared by a lot of bosses. Okay. And if you’re in a hierarchy, I get it. Um, we use the term boss to recognize somebody.
[00:36:43] That what has power over us. There is a hundred generations, a thousand generations, maybe a hundred thousand generations of our primitive brain recognizing if I call someone boss, it’s not that much different from your majesty or master or anything else. He’s my boss. He often, sometimes she now, um, The queen, right?
[00:37:12] Your majesty bow. You could have me beheaded. I know that I’m going to suck up and fawn and do what I can. I’m going to believe what you say because to challenge you. Is a threat to my life, survival status and things. Okay. If I’m dealing with a belief around that, like a boss, here’s like, yeah, even though bosses behave that way.
[00:37:39] What if I’m actually a co creator, even though I’ve had bosses. Even though I’ve had bosses. That treat me like they’re my king. That treat me like they’re my king. And I need to bow to them or else. I need to bow to them or else. I am so tired of that shit. I am so tired of that shit. Now notice I use some profanity.
[00:38:05] I’m using it intentionally because when we call something shit it now don’t use it if it doesn’t work this way for you, but when I call I am tired of that shit. It puts it into the compost bin, right? I’m tired of that shit. What do we do? We flush shit, we get it out, we wipe it off. We there’s an energy of, ah, because I’m a co creator now that you may not believe, but you’re here with us.
[00:38:37] We’re co creators. If you, if you’re the one who wrote in the chat, these things, guess what? You’re a co creator. I would not have gone there if it wasn’t for your contribution, you are co creating with Cathy and I and the circle. And everyone else who may see this downstream, because this belief that the boss has power over us, it’s sometimes true.
[00:39:02] But our orientation matters, our inner belief, like, you know, he may believe that, but I’m actually a co creator. He may believe that, but I’m actually a co creator. I can’t be bought. I can’t be bought. I don’t want to pimp myself out. I don’t want to pimp myself out. This person also mentioned that, right?
[00:39:25] Yeah, that’s not my working style. That’s not my working style. And I’m different enough to know that. And I’m different enough to know that. I, I acknowledge I’m different than your average wage slave. I have acknowledged that I’m different from your average wage slave. I want to co create. I want to co create.
[00:39:51] Or at least explore what that, how that would change things. Or at least explore how that would change things. What if they’re clients rather than bosses? What if they’re clients rather than bosses? What if there are people I choose to serve for a time or not? What if there are people I choose to serve for a time or not?
[00:40:13] That would change things. That would change things. That’s an interesting belief to try on. That’s an interesting belief to try on.
[00:40:25] Notice I’m using words like interesting, curious, I wonder.
[00:40:33] Your primitive brain wants you to be safe. It doesn’t, it, the stress of the status games, that are innate. They’re born in us. We have, we have to be aware. Am I someone’s slave? That can be apparent. It can be actual slavery. Am I subject to the whims of the nobles in my world? And you know, what are they benevolent or are they maleficent, you know, maleficent, so to speak.
[00:41:04] Um, right. Are we adapt? So early and so pervasively and trauma, um, comes along and it also impacts how we now see the world we can switch in our primitive brain from one belief to another. Horses are a delight. I fell off the horse and I almost lost my leg due to an abscess. I’m not interested in horses anymore.
[00:41:32] I believe I don’t like, I, I believe riding horses is not worth it. Um, uh, that was a trauma my son went through, my oldest son went through, and, um, to this day, His belief is I had never really liked horses very much.
[00:41:49] This is a point that if you’re struggling, there’s something that you kind of feel like you want to go back to, but there’s this blocking belief. Some people that have been in your life say, well, you know, Hey, I, I remember when I was an artist as a kid and then suddenly I, I, you know, I put away it all and, and, uh, became an accountant.
[00:42:11] Um, What do you think happened? Do you remember anything that happened during that time that can give you an idea into a trauma that may have been a significant, um, impact? I just want to loop back to the working condition because I work in corporate and Rick is his own boss. I think, um, it’s okay. Not to like go into on Monday, Tuesday, if you’re a memorial day, have off and going up to your boss and slap him and say, I’m not your slave or whatever.
[00:42:42] It’s okay. Not to do that. It’s detangling something that’s very deeply embedded in our survival brain. Someone with status and Power over is very hard. That’s a very hard thing to untangle. It’s okay. If it, if you start examining it and maybe feeling a little less cowed or submissive when you talk to this person and gradually setting boundaries, I still struggle with that.
[00:43:07] I, my boss called me at 6 30 last week and he wanted me to do a whole nother project that night. I’m like, I’ve been up since four 30 working for you. I’ve done 14 hours and he kept pushing and I was like, I am not available. I would not have been able to do that a couple of years ago. I just like, I am not available tonight.
[00:43:22] You’re going to have to wait till tomorrow. I’ll make it a priority tomorrow. But that was a big thing. It was like, my muscles are still, I’m not able to say, you know, I’m not even going to answer your phone call. I can’t, I can’t quite get myself there. So I just wanted to give a little bit of a nuance to that because it, It is a challenging thing to do.
[00:43:41] It’s not easy to go up to someone in power and say, Hey, listen, I’m not going to take your shit anymore. Um, but it is okay. Like maybe start setting some gradual boundaries and building up the muscles and then maybe look updating your resume if that’s what you need to do. But, um, you know, just wanted to point that out.
[00:43:58] It’s not something that you can go snap your fingers and then you’re ready to go. Part of the risk of shifting beliefs is that a lot of our behavior and our attitude and choices are resting on beliefs, whether they, whether they’re beliefs that we are aware of or not. And I appreciate you, uh, I’m unemployable.
[00:44:20] So, um, you know, Cathy is extremely savvy and she has a skillset. Um, we don’t harp on it, obviously. Uh, she’s one of the top engineers. In the world in what she does. And it is a field where, um, being a powerfully intelligent and emotionally intelligent human in a female body presents challenges that I, I won’t even know.
[00:44:56] I, I listened to her. I love her. I get angry on her behalf. Um, you know, uh, and she navigates it. Um, and it allows her to do work that. Matters that that’s the environment where you can do that. Um, I was responding in the chat to somebody who didn’t seem like they Had found a place in corporate structure and there was a lot of trauma and putdowns and people that didn’t understand.
[00:45:34] And one of the aspects of emotional freedom is if I’m getting contrast, if somebody out there is putting me down, even when I’m doing what feels like is valuable, to me, that is not a good fit. Uh, I had a partner that, that was, Became extremely uncomfortable and even disrespectful toward me for making them breakfast.
[00:46:03] Okay.
[00:46:07] That was not the right partner for me because sending someone off into the world to do heart work without food in their system when they need it. It’s not something I can, I can do. Uh, my current partner thinks I’m the best thing in the world because I can make oatmeal and I make it the way that she likes it.
[00:46:30] And, uh, and how she likes it as a little different, like than how the boy likes it and how my daughter likes it sometimes. Um, and I navigate all of that and I’m a good fit. So a belief that if I had left the belief of. Well, you know, people don’t care. Notice how general it becomes. People don’t care.
[00:46:54] Bosses don’t care. Uh, nobody cares if you’re a belief, everybody, nobody, you know, that that is a, uh, you, you can guess. This is trauma and it’s in my primitive brain. My heart knows that even here, um, I’m making a contribution that seems to mat that seems to matter, even if I don’t understand exactly why it seems to matter.
[00:47:21] Um, if you make a piece of art and someone says, oh, I would love that. Um, and, and they say, can I buy it? And you’re like, oh, yes. And you negotiate a price and now you’re a professional artist who sold a piece of art. Right. Um, how did that happen? Well, people that you can be of service to match up with you.
[00:47:50] And sometimes that’s for money. Sometimes that’s for money. And, um, people that call us names, they don’t get us people that, um, are disrespectful and unsafe are that’s on them. And sometimes we’re not free as Cathy mentioned. Uh, sometimes we have to navigate a certain amount of that up to limits. And that’s where these, where our work together, we’ve done some workshops on better boundaries.
[00:48:23] Um, I invite you to look at those too, because our boundaries get stronger as we do, as we get more of a sense of what’s right for us and we get more affirmation, you know, Hey. Um, it was right for me to say, no, I’ve worked for 14 hours today. And, um, a part of the belief is, and it matters to me to take care of myself too.
[00:48:49] I I’m so good at what I do. And. I’ve become really good at taking care of myself too. I like that. You see how, um, if you have a belief trained in us that we’re not, we’re not worth taking care of, you know, that our only value is in taking care of others because now I answer that one is I’m a slave to other people’s needs.
[00:49:21] And that comes from, Oh, I could feel that way back in my history. I’ve been there. I’ve done that. Been a slave to other people’s needs. My needs didn’t matter. Um, and guess what? I’m changing that now. I’m changing this belief now. Yeah. My book, my care, my care matters. My care matters. I matter. I matter.
[00:49:55] I’m starting to believe that taking care of myself matters. I’m starting to believe that taking care of myself matters. I’m taking care of myself right now. I’m taking care of myself right now. And that gives me more energy to co create. And that gives me more energy to co create. With people that value what I do.
[00:50:15] There are people that value what I do. Not everybody. I ain’t that silly. I ain’t that silly. I ain’t that silly to think that everyone will value what I do. I ain’t that silly that I think everyone will value what I do. Not everyone’s a good fit. Not everyone’s a good fit. Rick is unemployable. Rick is unemployable.
[00:50:40] Cathy is really savvy. And Cathy is sometimes employable. Yeah, sometimes employable. Yeah. And, and they also take care of themselves. And they also take care of themselves. I wonder what beliefs they have. I wonder what beliefs they have. I wonder what beliefs could serve me better than the ones I carry. I wonder what beliefs could serve me better than the ones I carry.
[00:51:11] Nice. That felt good. I know, I know a lot of seriously unemployable people. I know. And that doesn’t mean that you, um, can’t be engaged with work that matters to you. And that work can be, uh, work that has a good value exchange with the right people. Yeah, my, my, the best boss I ever had. taught me. He taught me that if you’re supervising people, your job is to serve them and get their obstacles out of their way.
[00:51:43] And I’ve always tried to follow that when I’ve been supervisor of anybody. Not everybody has that belief, but it’s okay to look for people like that. And I think we’re about to go in our break. So we’re going to come when we come back, we’re going to talk about more about how to notice where the beliefs are, the so many beliefs are and how to dissolve the ones with a lot of trauma around.
[00:52:04] So, um, if you can just give yourself, let yourself just kind of percolate over this time, take some deep breaths, get some water, take care of your body. Because I think when you come back, it will help us dive in deeper. Yeah, we’ll be back in seven minutes. Uh, let’s call it the top of the hour and we’ll get started again.
[00:52:24] I’ll pause the recording.
[00:52:29] Welcome back. And in the integration time, one of the things that came to me was, um, so if someone looked at me, And I said, well, I’m unemployable, but I, I felt like I wanted to be employed, but I had a belief that I was unemployable. Um, that would be a blocking belief. It would stop me. I would behave, uh, in a way that wouldn’t bring out the best in me in any interview that I did.
[00:53:02] If I believe that I’m unemployable, As a negative, um, as a belief about my identity, I am unemployable. Now that does live in my, um, it’s a shortcut for me. It’s a little funny because actually I could be employable. So here’s what the wiring is. I’m unemployable
[00:53:31] because I find that I value freedom, flexibility, and finding individuals to serve that are a good fit. For what I’m good and competent to do, and by serving individuals rather than being a part of another organization, it keeps me highly focused on you and you and you and you, it keeps me showing up in these workshops for individuals, my, my kin, I resonate with individuals.
[00:54:01] And so to be employed is a legal structure where someone is choosing to pay me to do a job. That is one that they have that they want me to do.
[00:54:20] So you notice that if we stop with a belief, now, if you have a belief, like, uh, even though I’m, I’m just too old, take it because what, if it stops you, look, I’m just too old, there’s so many people out there that have so much still in them and they stop right there because what matters to me It even though I’m too old to what to believe the things that I did when I was 20 to live the life that I thought I wanted to be living now when I was 19 or 25 or 35, even though I’m too old to hold on to beliefs that no longer serve a person of my distinction.
[00:55:19] Of my wisdom, hard earned of the courage that I’ve demonstrated,
[00:55:29] because what I, what I’ve come to know at my age is this matters to me and this matters to me. And there’s no such, even though a part of me believes that I’m too old to start over, the truth of the matter is, I don’t even know what that means. Other than every breath I take is a start over every morning.
[00:55:47] I wake as a start over every. Every new smile I offer to someone I didn’t know before is starting over. There’s a constant starting over and there’s a continuum that even goes beyond the borders of birth and death. You know, now. Yeah, I am too old to buy into the old shit. I’ve taken the, the belief, but instead of saying, I’m not too old, even though I’m a young chicken.
[00:56:19] No, I’m not an old chicken. I’m stringy. I’m not an old, I’m not a young chicken. I’m not a chick. You know, I, even, even though I am who I am. You can take these beliefs and, and go off of them and wire something that is honest and authentic for you. Those words I spoke may not be what really is honest and authentic for you, but find the ones.
[00:56:46] If you have a really strong belief at a 10, even though I’m too old, I believe that that’s there both for safety, but it also can be used to act as a pathway into a deeper world. Way of living, even just like I’ve done with even though I’m unemployable. It’s not blocking me for a month from anything, and neither is my age.
[00:57:14] Well, I think that when we’re fighting a really deeply held belief, it’s we’re kind of like grinding the gears like we’re trying to go. We’re literally fighting ourselves because we have our survival brain is very powerful and it’s, you know, designed to keep us safe and give bursts of energies. It’s very strong.
[00:57:32] So when we’re, we have this limiting belief and we’re trying to go against it, like I’m unemployable, you know, like I’m too old, whatever. And we’re trying to grind against it. It’s like a so much work. If we can go back and dissolve that limiting belief, all of a sudden that part can help us. Maybe it just gets out of our way, and maybe it even helps us so we can get really moving.
[00:57:53] If we’re trying to do this, fight of limiting belief, while we’re doing something that’s not aligned with what we care about or what matters to us, it can make us feel too old and too worn out. Like, I’ve experienced that. I’ve done those kind of jobs where it’s like, Oh my god, how can I do this? So sometimes those, those, those thoughts or the belief that I’m too old or too worn out might be I’m too worn out and too old to keep fighting myself and to do this job that doesn’t make any sense to me.
[00:58:22] It might be guidance as well as, as opposed to like, oh, this is a true universal truth. And that’s one of the things. Trauma makes things more universal. When we have a trauma, it goes into our survival brain, and it tends to see things as very black and white. Everybody, nobody, never, always. When we start healing a trauma, our prefrontal cortex gets involved, it goes through, it helps filter out what’s real, what is an actual real threat, versus what is not.
[00:58:51] And it helps normalize it. Oh, that was a threat when you were three, but it’s not really a big deal now. So like, it helps filter that out. It’s like, oh, people that act like that are not a good fit. I’m not employable for that person, that kind of a person. There’s like a lot of other people out there that could work really well with.
[00:59:08] So just realize when you’re fight, when you’re in that fight like that, it’s an old trauma, probably that’s very strong in our survival brain. And we’re fighting it on a very deep level. And I think that. One of the things I want to just point out is that we can have limiting beliefs on different levels.
[00:59:23] So, for instance, I’ve been working out with a trainer. She’s great. I’m getting much more flexible. Um, and I had been really stiff. My shoulders had been really stiff and not, I couldn’t like reach and scratch my back or anything for a while. And, I’ve been working with her for about a year and she’s like, I want you to take this, this band and I want you to go behind your head with that.
[00:59:42] I want you to just go like that. And I’m like, I can never do that. Like I was really honestly shocked that she asked me and she’s, and she’s like, well, could you do it? And then we’ll just see how far you can go. Cause I want to see where we’re at. And I did it so easily. I was just shocked. My arms are straight.
[00:59:58] I’m like right over my shoulders. And she’s like, She kind of giggled a little. She was entitled. But, um, that was, but it was something I could let go of. I didn’t have a trauma around it. I just had for a long time, my body couldn’t do that. So I had an expectation kind of thing on that, but I could let it go.
[01:00:14] And I still was a little doubtful. I did it a few more times. And then my body’s like, Yeah, I can do this. No problem. It let it go very quickly. But there are other things that we make it often make these really deep decisions when it’s in the midst of a trauma. It’s like wrapped in a really intense experience.
[01:00:31] And those we’re not going to. Someone could prove to me, if I had a trauma about doing that particular moment, movement, someone could have me do it like 30 or 40 times and I’d still be like, I can’t do it. Or I might, my muscles might tighten up so much that I physically couldn’t do it, even though my body was able to.
[01:00:48] So when we’re looking at these limited beliefs, the ones that are really deeply embedded, Rick and I always get excited when someone says, this makes no sense, or this isn’t logical, because they’re often stored when we’re little and we don’t have the logic. It doesn’t make sense. Or if it was a trauma that was made sense, we could easily unravel it just by thinking it through.
[01:01:10] Things that get stored in our survival brain that don’t make sense, that’s, they really trap us because we can’t think our way out of them. My experience, it’s more about experiencing my way out of them. And again, we don’t want to go near those bad feelings. We’re like, uh, no, no, I’m just going to pretend it’s not there.
[01:01:27] So if I can go in and just be with that feeling and breathe, even for a half a second, it gets a little oxygen in there, it starts processing. And then I go in and I can be with it for maybe two seconds. Maybe I do a little tapping on the thought and the belief. Do a little more tapping, go in and experience the feeling a little bit more.
[01:01:45] It starts opening up. So I can start unraveling this mass of trauma that’s around the belief. And as I unwind that, it starts to be really easy to change the belief. I may need to do some practice to break the comfort zone or the habits I’m in, but I’m not, I’m not doing this. I’m dissolving this and inviting the power to come with me to, to shift its orientation.
[01:02:10] So it supports me. So, um, just want it like for people with bigger traumas, please be patient with yourself. This is not often something that’s like you’re done with. It’s often takes a little bit of work to get that part of you. That’s frozen in fear and wrapped in trauma and pain to relax enough that it will let you start to.
[01:02:30] To, um, change things, and I really do think appreciating it first, like, it came into being because it was saving you. It was trying to protect you. It was doing the best it could. So like, hey, thank you. You have worked so hard for so many decades. You’ve held onto this, determined to support me, and it’s okay to relax now.
[01:02:52] Actually, you know, that was really smart back then, but now maybe we can, like, look at it a little different. I might have a different job for you. Those kind of things can help it, like, appreciating it is much better than, like, Rah rah rah! Which is what I do a lot of times first, like, Yeah, bad, bad, me, can’t, limiting belief.
[01:03:08] doesn’t really help anything. So I just invite you to notice that appreciating the limiting belief for being there as a mechanism to try to protect you, as Rick’s been talking about, is really a good step to start relaxing it and letting it close enough so you can actually help it.
[01:03:33] What is, what are some of the indicators to yourself that a belief is armored by trauma? So, someone shared, um, the first thing that all jobs require is physical accurate speed. Now, there’s more that they shared. I appreciate that. And I, I reflected in the chat, um, notice you said all. I physically applied for over 50 jobs.
[01:04:15] Okay. Now, I don’t know. I don’t know how, how you respond to applying for jobs and being. What’s, what’s the way that you describe? I applied for a job and I was rejected. Isn’t that the way we talk about it? I applied for a job and they rejected me. I mean, that is how people can talk about it. Yes. That’s one of the ways that people talk about it.
[01:04:46] And if we are somewhere, uh, where we don’t fit the norm, like I have a belief that normal is a setting on the dryer. Okay. It’s a belief. It wasn’t always my belief. I always felt like I don’t fit in anywhere that notice where that, that belief, if you argued with me, Oh no, Rick, you fit in, you fit in with us.
[01:05:12] I would defend it because that not fitting in was armored by the traumas that I experienced up to that point in my life. And as long as that belief stuck around, everything that happened That fit the not fitting in guess what? It’s like, Oh yeah. Uh, another layer of paint. Imagine driving around in a vehicle that has 50 layers of paint on it.
[01:05:50] You know it and you feel it. It’s armored, all these coats and coats of experience. Um, and it’s tender because each time we don’t fit in our primitive brain reinforces something. And if we’re armored about it. Then it’s not like Cathy, like, Oh, okay, just try it. Try fitting in or try to see if you like it.
[01:06:21] It’s like, no, I’m not going to try it one more time because all the time I always fail when I try to do some, I’m not like, I have a belief. I am not flexible. I’ve softened it from an 11 to a six, seven. Um, And in that gap, because it was well armored, okay, I became very inflexible when I was frozen as a teenager because of things that were happening to me that nobody knew about.
[01:06:52] My muscular changed, I started having the kind of bracing and the like, I became a very inflexible human being, um, in a lot of different ways. And I was armored against that. Even well after decades later after a lot of that trauma had been healed the belief still was there and so What we’re inviting is okay.
[01:07:16] What if it’s not all notice that I can just start with we can just start with What if it’s not all jobs every single job, maybe all those 50 jobs I applied to That was true. They weren’t they weren’t a good fit for me. I wonder if there’s any uh, You engagement for money that actually fits who I am and how I operate because I’m not normal and that’s a setting on the dryer.
[01:07:48] Um, you know, I know a lot of people that aren’t, that don’t, um, the norm and, uh, I don’t like some of them. I kind of love some of them. I, I, I fit in with people that are more out on the curve than in the belly of the beast. Do you see how I’m playing with it? But if you’re really super armored, that is something where, um, uh, if you’re expecting a coach or a friend to argue with you about, like, if you’re really armored about being too old and not fitting in, I’ve noticed as a coach, if I argue with that, I’m, I’m not going to get anywhere that arm that direct armoring is, um, is so strong and so trauma enforced.
[01:08:40] And this is where, you know, even though I don’t fit in, and that’s the truth. Even though I don’t fit in, and that’s the truth. And that’s not going to change. And that’s not going to change. It’s fitting in really what I aspire to. It’s fitting in really what I aspire to. But I want to be one of the masses.
[01:09:08] I want to be one of the norm by the side of the eye. I do kind of like some of my quirks. I do like some of my quirks. I do see the world differently than others. I do see the world differently than others. My creativity is sourced differently than the norm. My creativity is sourced differently than the norm.
[01:09:34] Would I really want to be normal? Do I really wanna be normal in order to fit in with all of them? In order to fit in with all of them? But I’ve had so much pain around not fitting in, and that’s the truth. I, I’ve had so much pain about not fitting in, and that’s the truth.
[01:09:54] What belief do I want to have now about fitting in? What belief do I want to have now about fitting in?
[01:10:04] Um, One of the things I’ve noticed about trauma is it often gives us blinders. It gives us a narrower focus of possibilities. Partly because our primitive brain is really scared, so it’s going to focus on where it thinks it can get some traction. Um, versus once we can release some of the trauma, I often see, Oh!
[01:10:23] I never thought of this possibility. What about working, you know, freelance or doing something like what else am I good at? Like there’s, I think as we release the trauma, it can, it can give us more possibility. I think one of the, someone’s writing about having a disability and I know our culture is not set up for that to be an easy process to get a job.
[01:10:45] Um, and I think sometimes if we, if you, Can at least explore other things outside the norm, the corporate job that might be a good fit or working for a nonprofit or something like that, where they are a little more geared and aware of the needs of people that have different disabilities, um, different needs.
[01:11:05] So just a thought on that, and I’m not at all making it trivial, trying to trivialize. I think it’s a very challenging thing in our society. to, to function. Our society is not very accommodating. Um, but I also know that we can also limit ourselves. And so there’s both there’s like a society sucks and there’s things we might be able to do to help improve what were the choices we’re looking at.
[01:11:30] If that makes any sense. Um, if, if I’m, if I’m in a place where my survival brain is driving things. I’m going to see the world a certain way. And the beliefs of the survival brain are very powerful and they look for, um, things like Walmart. I’ll apply at Walmart. If I’m in survival mode. I’ve sometimes, I’ve sometimes joked, and this is not to put down anyone that works for Walmart, um, I’ve sometimes joked, well, I could always go to work for Walmart.
[01:12:13] I actually am on, probably almost certainly unemployable. I can’t stand for long periods of time without moving and dancing. They probably don’t want a dancing cat. I’ve never noticed a dancing cashier, um, at Walmart. Um, there’s a lot of things that would block me from normal jobs and it’s hard. It’s really tender to pause and say, okay, I’m definitely blocked from.
[01:12:46] normal careers. What are some, what are some gifts that I have? What do I believe about my nature that I could accept? respect, explore.
[01:13:14] I, I am blessed because of my work and the fact that freedom oriented people tend to not fit in. Um, we’re not the norm. If you like emotional freedom, um, it’s not, it’s not the norm in most of the planet. Um, so hi, welcome. Freedom Kin. Love you. Uh, I have a lot of people that because of their nervous system.
[01:13:42] Um, because of the way that their brain works, because of the way their energy works, because of their, uh, rhythms, year to year, season to season, things like that. Um, they, they craft, they have to, in the sense that, um, you can’t just plug in. Um, I know someone who’s a lawyer, uh, that only lawyers three months a year.
[01:14:09] That’s all the lawyering they can do. They are really good lawyers for three months a year. That’s it. They need a break. A lot of lawyers would be like, What’s going on, dude? Um, nothing. They just, that’s the way their nervous system works. Uh, they can be in it. Um, there are artists that go off and produce So much and then nothing for years.
[01:14:36] Writers that do that. Um, I have a dear friend who’s on the spectrum and they create, um, they know their, their creativity. They can feel it sort of rising and they’ll do creativity. And then they do all of the other self care things for, for many, for as long as it takes afterwards. It’s not that the creativity depleted them.
[01:15:03] Um, It just is like a season. Oh, it’s fruit and nut season. And then it’s not, right? The, the wineberry bushes are not. Putting out berries right now, but they’re getting ready to, you can see the flowers. You can see the, the buds starting. And then when they’re done putting out berries, they’re done. Um, I’m that kind of human too.
[01:15:28] Um, I, if you look at my work schedule, uh, over the course of a month, you’d be like, what’s up with this guy? Um, and I’m saying that because I used to have a belief that, um, you had to grow a business and hire people. Um, that belief drove me to being profoundly ill because that actually wasn’t a good belief.
[01:15:53] I believe that if you weren’t succeeding, you needed to work harder. So I was working 120 hours a week.
[01:16:04] Um, that belief will kill, that nearly killed me. So we can have beliefs and I acknowledge I had beliefs that nearly killed me. And we have beliefs that stop us and we have beliefs that deplete us. Um, if there’s one gift that I would is reject it as often as it gets rejected. I believe that there are people that see you differently than the armored belief that you have or could.
[01:16:38] I, when someone says they don’t fit a normal job, I get really curious about what their heartistry could lead them to. I get really, it just, I’ve come to know that. I think, oh, I think that working through these is really like, it’s, Rick often talks about inspired action and When we’re used to walking around something, if we have a fear of something and we’ve kind of built our world around avoiding it and our friends are used to us avoiding it and we’re, our world works okay.
[01:17:16] Like we have this comfort zone and we’ve learned to avoid a certain part of our life. Um, it’s harder to break through some of this. And yet, every time I have, I have discovered new experiences that I didn’t have. I have just, it feels like I’m reclaiming part of myself. It takes a lot of energy to avoid something.
[01:17:38] If there is something that you learned was dangerous or fearful, like rejection is really hard on you, I don’t like rejection. It doesn’t feel very good. I’ve gotten better at it, but it used to, Ping on my belief that I was worthless. So I would get avoided at all costs. I wouldn’t do things where people could evaluate me, or I would say this is going to be horrible, but I would try to pre reject myself.
[01:18:00] It takes a lot of energy to do that. It takes a lot of dancing and guessing what other people might do to try it. Like there was a lot of focus on how other people were receiving it versus what was right for me. As I dissolve that trauma, I could walk in a straight line in my life now without having to avoid things.
[01:18:19] I kind of. Kind of serpentine my way through to avoid everything. There was a lot more energy for me. And one of the things I like, it reclaimed my experiences and my sense of safety in the world. But also I think when we’re avoiding something like that, we’re numbing ourselves to our own body and our own experiences somewhat.
[01:18:37] And that doesn’t like the more I reclaim of myself. And I think this is an ongoing process. I don’t know that we’re ever done. I just, life feels good. in different ways. Things that used to feel like, oh, I can’t barely stand this is like, oh, I actually like this because I’m with myself doing this. So as you go through this, like, facing some of these can be really challenging.
[01:19:00] Our system is geared to like, no, no, no, there’s nothing here. These are not the drones you’re looking for. Go away. Um, even just noticing that avoidance or asking a good friend or a coach, do you notice things that I’m like, what’s one thing that you notice that I really avoid? And then kind of feeling into it, see if you can look at it, um, and work it through.
[01:19:20] I really, I want for all of you to experience as much of the beauty of life as you can. And I think it’s harder to do that when we’re like, Okay, I’m going to experience the beauty of life, but I’m going to avoid that, that, that, that, and that. And I’ve got to be really careful of that. And it’s, it’s like we’re walking through a land minefield trying to enjoy and relax.
[01:19:41] And that’s very hard to do. Our survival brain is convinced there’s so many dangers. Each time you dissolve one, even if you open it up a little bit, you take it from a, you know, utterly convinced 10 to a 9. 9, you’re starting to shift your system and let more of life experience in. And I find that the more I can do it, the more fulfilled I feel, the happier I feel, the more energy I have for myself and for others.
[01:20:05] So I just wanted to share, remind you that there is something really good, and it’s worth this effort, even if it doesn’t always feel like it in the moment. Because it gives you a whole, the rest of your life to enjoy and experience things you might have spent a lot of energy trying to avoid. So I just want to invite you to try it out, bring it to other calls.
[01:20:24] Um, and I just really want to appreciate your courage for coming here and just being here with us. Because like I said, there’s a lot of nervous system energy, like don’t even look over there. And you’re all here looking at it, considering it, doing a little tapping. So I know that a lot of us, um, from what people have shared, a lot of us tend to put ourselves down.
[01:20:45] But what you did today was courageous, amazing, and a huge gift to yourself and the world. If you can let a little of that in, you are amazing people. Thank you for being here. Thank you for looking at this.
[01:21:05] Ask ourselves. How does this keep me safe? And if it’s something that you, you’re asserting is like, I suck at this, or, um, I’ll never this, or nobody, any of the really clear, I’m painting this black and white.
[01:21:31] I wonder, you can say, I’m curious. I’m actually deeply curious how this, how part of me thinks that this belief keeps me safe. And as that is exposed to you, I believe the guidance comes with it, because we don’t want to just be safe. We want to be thriving. We want to, we want to live another day to start over tomorrow morning.
[01:21:58] That’s important to us. It’s embedded in us. I think we live longer, um, than most animals. And there’s more. We want to be thriving. We want enough space to look at, yeah, that keeps me safe, but I can be sufficiently safe to explore this, to engage here, to be a bit more myself in this way, just a bit more myself in that way.
[01:22:28] Isn’t that true? And when we do that, we’re leaving, we’re re inspiring our energy. It puts breath into our action. And from there, we can go. and be more ourselves without having to navigate life from a place of survival. We are exploring life from a place of thriving. And as Cathy said, you are our kin doing this work, engaging in this way.
[01:23:05] I so appreciate that you’ve spent time together. Many of you have contributed. Thank you so You’re yourselves to our community leading up to this time. Um, we want this to continue these, this development of skills, real skills. They used to be called soft skills. When I heard them reframed as real skills, the emotional skills, not like, can I put the widget in the wadjet and get it to work?
[01:23:37] These are real skills that matter. And everyone who does this work makes it more likely that as we interact and engage in the world that we’ll be able to free ourselves and others from beliefs that stop them from being more of who they are. Thank you, Cathy. Thank you all. everyone.
[01:23:57] Have a blessed day and go out there and rewire some beliefs.
[01:24:01] Bye.
Great to have you on this journey with us!