Responding versus Reacting - Anissa Video

This video by Circle Member Anissa touches on the differences between responding and reacting. Of course, tapping helps tremendously with this! Would love your comments…

When you’re responding, you’re the one with the power… ~ Anissa

Computer Generated Transcript

Hello. I hope things are going so well for you now. Now if Things are not going well… That’s why I’m here because I love to help you create a life that you absolutely love.
So tonight, we are going to be talking about the difference between responding and reacting. Going to ask you a question.
Do you respond or do you react? Let me tell you kind of what the difference is because you might be thinking, what the heck are you talking about?
You mean basically they’re the same thing. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. They are not the same thing.
The difference is where the power lies. When you respond, you’re the one in control, which means that you’re the one in power.
When you react, that means that you are the one who is just doing whatever. It’s just kind of depends on.
Did somebody say something? Did somebody do something? What happened? Oh my goodness. Well, I’m going to say this reacting means that someone says or does something, then you do or say something back and then somebody says, or does something.
Then you say, or do something back at that point. The direction of the conversation, the direction of the action is controlled by the person to whom you are reacting.
That means they are dictating your behavior. Now, when you respond, what you do is you take in all of the available information, you consider the possibilities, the consequences, the desired outcomes, and then you say, or do what you choose.
And you choosing is what makes the difference, because that means that you have the power in your life. You are in control of how your life is directed.
And that’s really, really, really, really important because we’ve all figured it out by now. We can look around the world today with all the Cray that’s going on, all the tension, all the stress.
There is nothing you can control. There is no one you can control, but you and your actions. And so we’re going to talk today about how to put you back in control instead of reacting and allowing others to dictate your behavior.
You are going to consciously create the life you want by responding by choosing. So you might be acting watering, you know exactly how does that happen?
So, well, the way it happens is you take the opportunity to practice pausing before you say, or do anything. Now, if you like me, you might be a little hotheaded.
You might be the type of person to pop off real fast with something to say or do something. I’ll give you a tip.
I’m just going to let you know that I’m not judging you. I’m not saying that you are a horrible person.
If that’s what you do, because I’m not in a position to judge let you in on a little secret. When we were in college, my husband’s nickname for me was microwave.
Because if you said, or did the wrong thing, I would provide instant heat. Okay? So I’m not judging you at all.
This is something that I’ve had to learn so I can teach it to you. Now, if you have difficulty with pausing, this is where it comes into play.
You know, I love putting in reminders, physical notes to remind yourself throughout the day, to pause, to pause, because it’s going to be a new behavior.
It’s going to be a new way of being. It’s not going to be something that you’re just going to be like, Oh, you know, one day, all of a sudden I’m going to no longer be hotheaded.
And I’m going to make, start making conscious choices. I’m going to be on top of everything. Uh, now, if you are, please let me know how that works out for you, because I’d love to teach a course on it and share it with the world.
Instead what’s going to happen is you’re going to be made aware of what is taking place so that you can pause and be aware and take in all available information.
That means what happened, what someone is saying, what type of facial expression that person has, uh, what possibly happened beforehand, all of that, you take it into consideration.
Then you filter it through possible outcomes. And what’s the desired outcome that you have that you would want to have.
And at that point, that means you choose you, choose you, make the decision about how you want your life to look when you’re just reacting.
Somebody can just be pulling you on a string. They say this, you hop to it on this. They say that you hop to it on that.
You’re so distracted. And you’re following the little, the little bright, shiny thing that you don’t have time to consider how it might affect your life.
And you might be thinking, well, you know, this can’t be that important. Uh, Yahoo. It is, is very important. I will give you a very basic life example, say your supervisor, or even a coworker.
It doesn’t really matter. Just say at someplace, at a job or at a business that you’re running, whatever the case is, but let’s just say you work for someone else for the sake of just the example.
So, um, they are really working your nerves truly. I mean, I’m talking about when I say they are, they are tap, dancing, not even doing a soft shoe across that last nerve that you have that just about to snap.
Maybe they ate your, your launch for the 15th time, which is rude by the way. And I understand if you’re hostile about that, but let’s say that teacher lunch and, um, you have absolutely no time for that.
Now, if you’re reacting, they ate your lunch. You tell them off, you might cut it. It depends on how you roll.
I’m not judging you. You live your life. You make your own choices, but you’re so hot and so upset and so irritated because this is the 15th time they have eaten your lunch and they could, Nope.
They saw your name written on it. They have absolutely no excuse. Well, you tell him off, you cut some out.
You flip out, you look on professional. You’re the one who’s going to be called in for your behavior. And then what they did looks really, really, really, really, really minor compared to the hissy fit you through in your place of employment.
Now, when you respond, they eat your food. Say maybe for the 20th time, we’ll still have to hear about that.
You are not in the mood and you really want to just, just, you want to punch him in the throat.
Let’s just break it all down because some stuff’s just annoying. Well, let’s say you’ve noticed that and you have been pausing.
You have been taking notes. You have been having reminders pop up on your phone, on the, on the mirror when you’re getting ready in the morning that you’re going to the pause.
You notice that that heifer or, or if it’s a man, I think we can even call me and heifers. That’s exactly what we’re going to do.
That half an atrial food. And you will upset you take into consideration. This is the 20th time you look around and realize, Hmm, this is my job.
And then you think about possible outcomes and consequences. Well, you know what? You have already decided that you want to save up money for a business that you want to run, or you save up money because you want to go on a vacation.
So you don’t show up the next person you work with or talk to in the next cubicle over. And you realize, Oh, in order for me to have what I want, which is out of my vacation or the money that I’m saving up for something specific, or even if it’s just money that you’re saving up in general, that, um, if I cuss this heifer out, if I punch him in the throat figuratively, or literally depending on how far you’ve been pushed with this, then you will not be in a position to get what you want, which means that you are not going to be consciously creating the life that you desire.
Reacting is cussing them out, punching them in the throat. Figuratively. Literally I’m not advocating either one of them responding. Yes, it is taking a conscious assessment and pulling in filtering the information available to you.
What is this situation? If I respond this way, what is it going to happen here? If I respond this way, what is going to happen?
This or that? You making choices. Now you might be thinking, Oh, but you know what things happen fast. They happen quickly.
And I need to take care of it immediately. Don’t be afraid of silence. Do not be afraid of silence. Silence is a natural part of human interaction.
It is a natural part of what people who make conscious decisions do. So as you’re sitting there looking at that, that food box that, you know, somebody took your piece of chicken out of it.
You see it, you see somebody took the leg cause you had a leg and a thigh. There’s no denying something filed just how you look at it.
You pause, you take a breath and you think, yeah, I’d like jab him in the throat. But I’d also like to keep my job.
At that point, you are responding as opposed to react. Now, this is what, where you go. You take all of that information.
You take, whatever notes are necessary. And you decide that you are going to respond or react because trust me, this is the difference.
One of the major differences between having a life you love and a life you hate, or a life you love and the life you’re looking around going, what just happened?
How did I get here? It’s like, you got hit by a truck. Like you don’t know what happened. So I want you to decide how you live your life.
I want you to have the power. So this go round. What I want you to focus on is making a conscious choice to respond versus reacting.
If you need to take a look at some past decisions that you’ve made not to beat yourself up, if there’s none of that, that we’re doing here and just think about how things could have possibly happened differently.
And the reason I tell you that is one, you can kind of take a look and see how there could be some different roads that you could take.
Number two is that if it happened once there’s a possibility, it might happen again because people are, if nothing else predictable might happen with the same person might not happen with the same person, but all those actors keep showing up in different places at different parts of your life.
So responding versus reacting, I want you to choose. And remember, if you respond, at least that means that you are in control and you’re the one with the power in your life.
And you are the one dictating your behavior. Nobody is pulling your strings. Talk with you next time. I hope you have a fabulous life.