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Receiving What’s Good - Even When Life Is Complicated
[00:00:00] Rick: Receiving what’s good, even when life is complicated. It’s a real skills workshop. And, uh, I don’t know about you, Cathy but I can’t remember a time when life wasn’t complicated.
[00:00:15] Cathy: Yeah. Me. I can’t,
[00:00:20] Rick: I have, I’ve only, I’ve only lived about six decades, but I, you know, it was complicated from the time I was, from the time I was coming down the birth canal into the grasp of the Big Claw forceps after 36 hours of, uh, my mother’s fun. I, yeah, it’s been, it has been complicated. And I, I think what you wrote, um, that we shared around the vows that we can make, like, oh.
[00:00:54] Oh, what was it? Let me, let me grab that again. Um, yeah, I, I’ll let myself feel good once things calm down
[00:01:06] Cathy: and everyone perpetual delusion that they’re gonna calm down very soon.
[00:01:10] Rick: Yeah. And, um, that there is a place for delayed gratification. But this workshop as a skill says if there’s mud, chances are at least during some seasons or some moments of the day, there might be a lotus, there might be a flower, there might be a surprise, there might be a smile.
[00:01:35] And that there is a part of us that is tuned toward focusing on what’s, what’s muddy, what’s complicated, what’s challenging, what’s suffering, what’s painful, what’s not. Want it. And yeah, tap, tap, tap. Um, in that, there’s a profound challenge that our nervous system will be come more and more focused on those things, and when it does, it starts shutting off other sensors.
[00:02:17] It starts narrow, literally narrowing our field of view. Um, it starts to say that’s not important.
[00:02:32] I have been in the house struggling with the technology thing, and in retrospect, I can hear my daughter’s. Really cute laughter. Like there’s something really amazing going on in her life in that moment. See, I’m bubbling with it, but in the moment, man, I was like, that’s for another time. That’s, maybe we’ll harvest that some other time.
[00:03:05] But right now, no time for a while. Blueberries, it’s all mud and shit and work and get there.
[00:03:14] Cathy: It’s very adaptive. I mean, we, there are times that we need to get that really narrow focus. It’s a trauma. We can be stuck in it from trauma, but it’s a, like, if we’re, there’s a big threat. We don’t wanna be like, oh, listen to the laughter.
[00:03:26] We’re like, deal with a threat. But unfortunately, the way our media is and everything, a lot of us are in chronic threat. We’re not, you know, our brains don’t realize that they, you know, whatever’s going on in a run is not next door. Our brains just, they see things blowing up and we’re like, ah. So that narrow focus is, it’s actually a trauma response where we’re just limiting so much of what we see to the negative.
[00:03:50] And that’s, it’s, it’s a way of brain functions and we can start to counter it. One of the things that I was touched by when I, I read a book called The Gift, um, Edith, I forget her last name, but she was in Titz. She was one of the people, like two pe, she and her sister, like two people that survived outta thousands, and they were doing a force march.
[00:04:14] They hadn’t eaten. They were in incredible pain, and she noticed a flower coming up in the, the GR mugs, the concrete, and she’d let herself noticed that, and it wasn’t gonna make all the horror go away. But it allowed her to have that moment of beauty. Um, and one of the things in Buddhism is non-duality. A lot of us, I grew up with this, we’re gonna have this wonderful fairytale, like we’re gonna work really hard.
[00:04:43] And then Prince Charming will find us. The carriage will come and pick us up. The mice are now canceled. Footmen, the slipper fits life is all happily ever after. So if, if we struggle through the negative, we’re gonna get to this good on the other side. And I have not found that to be a good analogy for life.
[00:05:00] It does not work that way for me. Maybe it does for some people, but in Buddhism it’s like dual. We have a cup where there’s things maybe not good, but we can also have a couple where things are good at the same time. And can we be present with both? Can we go from that narrow focus that we may still have to jump into occasionally, but that’s just like something for an hour maybe, or a couple minutes, not for a lifetime.
[00:05:22] Can we open that up?
[00:05:25] Rick: Hmm.
[00:05:28] So what makes this a skill?
[00:05:31] Cathy: I absolutely think it’s a skill. Um, a lot of us are not trained to do it. Our are, we live in a pretty capitalist society where they’re very happy to have us run an adrenaline and push ourselves and be very focused. And we’re kind of taught that in school, like, narrow your focus, don’t notice the sunshine outside or you wanting to go out and play or wanting to wiggle around.
[00:05:50] That narrow focus helps them get more out of you. So we’re really trained into this narrow focus through trauma, society pressure. Um, and no one really talks about how can we be present and widen that focus. And I kind of, for me it’s been kind of a stretch. Can I be with something that’s really bad and with something good at the same time?
[00:06:12] Can I, um. Can I, can I stretch myself? I think of it as stretching myself. And a lot of times it’s just, I can only do it for a second or that I lose it. And then in Buddhism, they call it practicing because we’re gonna get it and lose it and get it and lose it and get it, lose it. But we get better at it as we go.
[00:06:30] So, um, can we stretch ourselves a little bit so that we’re in this narrow focus? Noticing the bad stuff, saying I’ll be able to look at things differently when I get on the other side. Okay. That’s a, that’s a thought, but I don’t think it really works that way. Can we allow ourselves to stretch a little bit in the moment?
[00:06:52] And say, oh my God, I’m really stressed. Like my mother mistook the timeframe we were supposed to talk earlier today. We had messaged, I thought she was getting right on the call and she disappeared. I was really worried 'cause she doesn’t do that. But I was like, also like I texted her and then I was like, I’m breathing.
[00:07:08] I’m sitting in my comfy chair. My sister lives nearby, she’s gonna swing by and see where she is. Like I can be present with the like, ah, I’m really worried. And also,
[00:07:17] hmm,
[00:07:18] I’m okay. I have someone there who’s gonna go and look at her to check like, she’s probably fine. It’s just, can I hold both at the same time?
[00:07:27] It’s really challenging, it’s very uncomfortable for me. But the more I do it, the more I find that I’m able to appreciate the beauty around me and get fulfilled just by the quiet presence of things. I don’t know if that makes sense the way I’m saying it. It
[00:07:41] Rick: does to me. Um, love to hear feedback. And someone said, I’m finding it difficult to stretch into the good when I’m grieving memories make me sad.
[00:07:52] Cathy: Yeah.
[00:07:54] Rick: Um, is there a feeling that’s co-present? So like, there are memories I have which are sad.
[00:08:06] Cathy: Mm-hmm.
[00:08:06] Rick: I mean, they’re sad memories. Um, and even in ones that are truly sad moments, there’s something also co-present. Mm-hmm. With it.
[00:08:28] And this is again, part of. This being a workshop and part of us being freedom kin is you never have to do this. Yeah. Right. If memories take you to sadness and that’s the pure, that’s the pure feeling that you want to stay with, then, um, I, I’m there. I can honor you being in that sad place, and I’m not trying to change that.
[00:09:01] I, as student teachers, we’re looking at like, oh, is there something else that’s co-present in this as well?
[00:09:16] Cathy: Can,
[00:09:16] Rick: so,
[00:09:17] Cathy: okay,
[00:09:17] Rick: go ahead.
[00:09:18] Cathy: Well, I just, from my own personal experience, when I have something that’s coming up that’s making me grieve when I first have it come at me, I don’t have room for seeing other things when it’s, it hasn’t been processed.
[00:09:31] It’s like echo bubble of trauma. It’s just, it’s, it’s like been saran wrapped really well, and oh, I’m opening it. There’s no way to get oxygen in there. If I can be present with that negative feeling, that negative feeling, the grieving, if I can just be with it for a little bit. To me it’s almost like I’m getting oxygen in there and it creates some space.
[00:09:52] And then the more I process it, the more I can see, oh, that terrible thing was happening. Um, and. Also here’s, you know, I can have this, I can notice other things that were happening, um, that person shared. I have also pushed down true feelings as it is a scope coping skill. It absolutely is. And again, we talk sometimes about just turning into the emotion and being with it for 30 seconds or 10 seconds or one second.
[00:10:19] We build the strength to do it and once we can be with that set, like at least this is my experience and I’ve worked with other people on this, um, so, you know, take what you like, throw the rest away. But if I can just be with the grief for a moment, if I can be with the mud for just a second, I start getting oxygen in there.
[00:10:38] It starts processing and maybe you have to go back several times to get there. Once there’s some, some room in there, then I can notice that, oh, this really bad thing happened. And I can still remember my mom baking Christmas cookies, like I can smell the cookies. At the same time. This, my dad was yelling at me like.
[00:10:56] It starts expanding our awareness. Oh, in a way that is really profound for me because when we just have the negative, when we leave everything tightly saran wrapped and kind of in a coping like trauma bubbles that we haven’t looked at our, they’re flow free floating in our implicit memory, and we can get mugged by them pretty quickly.
[00:11:16] If something lines up and reminds us of that, all of a sudden, bam. It’s almost, I call it overlay. It’s like that memory is now overlaid on reality, and that’s the kind of like, I’m like, how much of reality am I actually seeing and how much is. Old stuff. Um, and I really don’t have a lot of room for myself now, but the more I can just like, oh, that really sucked, and I can only be with it for half a second, and then I’m gonna bounce off and that’s okay.
[00:11:41] And I can come back tomorrow and, and be with it for maybe a second. And the next day, maybe three seconds, I’m letting ox, I’m burping the Tupperware. I don’t know how many people remember Tupperware parties or whatever. I’m letting some air into the Tupperware. Uh, and, and now things can start processing and they’re not so quite, so stuck.
[00:11:58] There’s room. It’s not like so condensed.
[00:12:02] Rick: Hmm. And, and that’s very different if we’re pushing down something like, oh no, I’m not sad. Right. Big smile, pretend smile. Um, if most people that want to be emotionally real for us to pretend, which happens, tap, tap. Um. That’s different to me than like actively pushing it down.
[00:12:34] As Cathy said, it’s a coping skill, but if I’m, and, and for me, this is, we use EFT tapping, Cathy and I, it’s not the only thing we do, as you can tell, we’re we’re framing this and we’re reframing it and we’re exploring the energy of it. But there comes a time when I’ll start, you’ll see me start tapping my Collarbone: point.
[00:12:53] What does that mean? Well, it means something’s alive. And this is my way of telling me I am aware Now I’m, I’m feeling really sad. The sadness, the sadness is on me, the sadness is visiting me and it’s okay, what did I do there? I said it’s okay, and if I put some energy into it and sadness is okay in my life now.
[00:13:27] It wasn’t safe back then.
[00:13:29] Cathy: It wasn’t safe back then.
[00:13:31] Rick: Sadness is acceptable.
[00:13:33] Cathy: Sadness is acceptable.
[00:13:35] Rick: The tears are acceptable.
[00:13:36] Cathy: The tears are acceptable.
[00:13:39] Rick: I’m really sad.
[00:13:41] Cathy: I’m really sad,
[00:13:43] Rick: and it’s okay
[00:13:45] Cathy: and it’s okay.
[00:13:47] Rick: I accept where I am and how I feel.
[00:13:50] Cathy: I accept where I am and how I feel.
[00:13:52] Rick: Hold on. Aren’t I supposed to push this down?
[00:13:55] Cathy: Aren’t I supposed to push this down?
[00:13:57] Rick: I’m strong enough to do that.
[00:13:59] Cathy: I am definitely strong enough to do that,
[00:14:03] Rick: and I’m strong enough to be with the sadness for just a moment,
[00:14:06] Cathy: and I’m strong enough to be with a sadness for just a moment.
[00:14:09] Rick: Just a moment more,
[00:14:11] Cathy: just a moment more.
[00:14:12] Rick: It’s okay to be sad.
[00:14:14] Cathy: It’s okay to be sad,
[00:14:16] Rick: and I am.
[00:14:18] Cathy: And I am.
[00:14:24] Rick: Now that skill of accepting an emotion that maybe we used to have to push down, maybe it’s uncomfortable. Maybe it’s intensely uncomfortable. Mm-hmm. For some people that’s sadness and grief. Other people it’s, it’s, uh, anger and rage, things like that. Um, so touching it and being with it. Um, and, and I, I do believe as part of this, receiving what’s good, even when life is complicated, muddy, shitty, sad is allowing ourselves per, giving ourselves an invitation to be, to wonder what else is here too.
[00:15:14] Cathy: Yeah.
[00:15:16] Rick: Side of the Hand:. Even though I’m sad.
[00:15:19] Cathy: Even though I’m sad.
[00:15:21] Rick: I wonder if there’s anything else here too.
[00:15:23] Cathy: I wonder if there’s anything else here too.
[00:15:27] Rick: The sad is so big and so loud.
[00:15:29] Cathy: The sad is so big and so loud.
[00:15:32] Rick: Eyebrow:, so deep, so profound,
[00:15:35] Cathy: so deep, so profound.
[00:15:37] Rick: Side of the Eye:. That’s true.
[00:15:41] Cathy: That is true
[00:15:43] Rick: Under the Eye:.
[00:15:44] I wonder if there’s anything else here too.
[00:15:47] Cathy: I wonder if there’s anything else here too.
[00:15:50] Rick: Under the Nose:. Is there caring?
[00:15:52] Cathy: Is there caring?
[00:15:53] Rick: Jen, is there longing?
[00:15:55] Cathy: Is there longing,
[00:15:56] Rick: Collarbone:? Is there anything in this memory that matters to me?
[00:16:03] Cathy: Is there anything in this memory that matters to me
[00:16:07] Rick: Under the Arm:?
[00:16:07] Is there anything on this walk that matters to me?
[00:16:10] Cathy: Is there anything on this walk that matters to me?
[00:16:19] Rick: I wonder if I could receive some other vibrations too.
[00:16:22] Cathy: I wonder if I could receive some other vibrations too.
[00:16:27] Rick: Ooh,
[00:16:32] Cathy: that was beautiful. I really appreciate that. Um, I feel drawn to draw, share something that I learned from one of my Buddhist classes, but I’m a little worried that I’ll go too far into Buddhism. So you can tell me like,
[00:16:45] Rick: well, you’re a student teacher, right?
[00:16:47] Cathy: Yeah. And I’m not, and you’re learning understand this all, but this really touched me.
[00:16:51] So one of the things in the lineage of Buddhism, I’m following Buddha, represents that we’re all one, that we’re all, it’s not like there, we don’t follow an individual person. It’s like the concept of awakening. That we’re all one. We’re all everything. And so I was talking about how scared I was about facing something and they give, they often give something called a koan.
[00:17:13] Koan, which is like a word puzzle. It can mean several things at once. And then he, like he said that every time you feel scared, say frightened Buddha, or if you feel sad, sad Buddha, meaning we are both Buddha and. Buddha, the, the all-encompassing is very sad sometimes. That’s an aspect of it. I think that sometimes when we were young, if our emotions didn’t match what our parents or caregivers really wanted us to have, we kind of rejected that part of my ourselves and pushed it off to the side and kind of blame it and like, oh, that’s a bad part of me.
[00:17:47] Versus the idea of saying Sad Buddha or Frightened Buddha. It means not only am I some part of all that is, and I get to be sad, but that is an aspect of all that is that’s acceptable and valuable in the, in the whole collective. So I just wanted to offer that. 'cause I was really touching for me, and I’ve used it a lot recently, like Angry Buddha, frustrated Buddha, confused Buddha, like, you know, it’s like, oh, that’s all acceptable and all part of what is, and I get to be that and be here with everybody at the same time.
[00:18:17] I don’t know if that lands or not, but it was like one of those moments for me, so I wanted to offer it here.
[00:18:24] Rick: Mm-hmm. Um, yeah, you could just pick an emotion that’s true for you right now, whether you’re live with us or on the replay.
[00:18:32] Cathy: Yeah.
[00:18:35] Rick: Curious Buddha.
[00:18:36] Cathy: Curious Buddha
[00:18:40] Rick: Eyebrow:. Now another part of me is like there’s a hangover of some technical frustration, right? Uh, tech frustrated, Buddha
[00:18:51] Cathy: Tech, frustrated Buddha,
[00:18:54] Rick: Side of the Eye:. All these different feelings.
[00:18:57] Cathy: All these different feelings.
[00:19:01] Rick: Appreciative Buddha.
[00:19:02] Cathy: Appreciative Buddha.
[00:19:05] Rick: Oh, surprise Buddha.
[00:19:06] Cathy: Oh, surprise Buddha.
[00:19:10] Rick: It’s all acceptable.
[00:19:11] Cathy: It’s all acceptable.
[00:19:15] Rick: Not in my family.
[00:19:17] Cathy: Not in my family
[00:19:18] Rick: or in my workplace.
[00:19:20] Cathy: Or in my workplace.
[00:19:21] Rick: Right here, right now,
[00:19:23] Cathy: right here, right
[00:19:24] Rick: now. It’s all acceptable.
[00:19:25] Cathy: It’s all acceptable
[00:19:29] Rick: and it’s complicated
[00:19:30] Cathy: and it is complicated. We’re complex beats. Yeah.
[00:19:33] Rick: Hmm.
[00:19:37] Cathy: For me, it’s a form of accepting reality too. I like to deny that I can be confused or scared or overwhelmed. And the fact is, I, I’m all those things at times. And I think as soon as we stop pushing ourselves away, we have a lot more ability to, like, you can feel intense. I mean, someone shared that they’re feeling really overwhelmed.
[00:19:56] A intensity of motion. Their system is shutting down. It’s okay to take a break from this. We have the grounding exercises online too. Um, and just taking a breath and feeling your feet on the ground can sometimes help you like, oh, this feels like a lot, A lot may be coming up because I’m maybe in a safe space.
[00:20:15] I’m letting things up. It’s, it’s hard to feel that. And it’s also, it can be really powerful to face some of those feelings if, if you’re doing it in a way that’s not re-traumatizing. You, you wanna try to find a balance, I think. Mm-hmm.
[00:20:35] Rick: So when, when we’re about to do a workshop, a lot of things will start flow flowing into my life. My awareness, both of us today, you know, I, um, the time change is always disorienting, uh, for me.
[00:20:52] Cathy: Yeah.
[00:20:52] Rick: And, um, uh, see disorienting. So there, you know, disoriented Buddha Budha for sure.
[00:21:05] Cathy: Time change, Buddha.
[00:21:06] Rick: Anyway, I got out later in the day for my walk and, um, it was light drizzle as I’m driving to the path that I was drawn to.
[00:21:19] And, um, I didn’t have a rain jacket. Um, and so as I got out of the car, I got my sticks and I’m like, set my watch and I start heading down the trail. And really,
[00:21:37] I was trying to oversimplify the experience by focusing on walking out and walking back, alright.
[00:21:50] And to me, my primitive brain, when it’s, when it’s saying, oh, there’s too much going on, I just, I’m gonna simplify. I’m just gonna target and get back, walk a mile and a half, come back. Um, and nicely as I was walking along this one section where there’s a down tree, a part of me. Doesn’t, we have so many down trees
[00:22:15] Cathy: after
[00:22:16] Rick: it’s still tapping.
[00:22:17] After Helene. Uh, yeah. Year and a half later we’re, we got some down trees. And so there’s a down tree that actually was damaged during Helene, but came down about six months ago. So it made it through the winter. It’s a pine tree. And, um, that stretch was used to be my favorite stretch along this trail. And I’m kind of like doing this energetically.
[00:22:45] I didn’t actually put my hand up,
[00:22:50] but earlier I had been meditating on this, receiving what’s good even when life is complicated and the smell of the tree. It’s a white pine.
[00:23:02] Cathy: Yeah,
[00:23:06] Rick: it was glorious like a, a.
[00:23:12] And all of the smells of evergreens that I remember savoring even the moment when the tree fell and it was starting to sap out and I, I touched the sap and it got all over my fingers and I couldn’t get it off. And the sap turned black on my fingers, but boy, it’s snorting. It was really a delight. Like it was, I started giggling, remembering, gosh, Rick, silly Buddha, silly
[00:23:40] Cathy: Buddha H
[00:23:41] Rick: staff really gets on you.
[00:23:44] Cathy: It does. It gets everywhere.
[00:23:46] Rick: Everywhere, right? And, and, and even now, like I did continue on, I was still in a mode that was pretty young, pretty, you know, I wanna walk, I wanna move my chi, this is my chance. I want to get it in before the rain comes down, if it does. And that. The whole rest of the walk out.
[00:24:11] That was about maybe a quarter mile in, I wa walked about three quarters of a mile out, three quarters back. The rest of the time I could smell it in my nostrils and I didn’t go snort it, like, thought about it. The primal memory of, of that smell and what it has meant to me. The trees that I climbed that I used to get it all over my, my clothes.
[00:24:37] My mother was very unhappy with that, but didn’t stop me from climbing pine trees when I was a kid. Um, so you see like there’s this receiving what’s good, it’s there, it’s on the wind and there’s a part of me that knows I could have blocked that off.
[00:25:00] Cathy: Mm-hmm.
[00:25:01] Rick: I could, I can block off things. Mm-hmm. And. It is a practice for me, especially because, um, all the trees, you know, I’m, I, I, uh, I have a real connection with the trees and so many of them down.
[00:25:22] Cathy: Yeah.
[00:25:22] Rick: And the chaos that and impacts them that come down and their neighbors and the other trees. Now see, that’s complicated energy for me. You can probably feel like Rick’s energy, complicated Buddha, that’s Rick’s complicated Buddha,
[00:25:41] Cathy: Rick’s complicated
[00:25:42] Rick: bud, and the smell of white pine too,
[00:25:45] Cathy: and the smell of white pine.
[00:25:47] Rick: That gave him energy.
[00:25:49] Cathy: That gave him energy.
[00:25:51] Rick: I wonder what’s in my world.
[00:25:53] Cathy: I wonder what’s in my world,
[00:25:56] Rick: what tastes and smells,
[00:25:58] Cathy: what tastes and smells,
[00:26:00] Rick: textures and colors,
[00:26:02] Cathy: textures and colors.
[00:26:04] Rick: Hmm. Smiles and laughter.
[00:26:07] Cathy: Smiles and laughter.
[00:26:09] Rick: Hmm. Even tears.
[00:26:11] Cathy: Even tears.
[00:26:18] Rick: I, uh, I was really crying the other day and I just tasted my tears. Hmm. Or, um, one doesn’t think, um, that grieving tears could actually have a taste to them. That somehow
[00:26:41] Cathy: they flush all kinds of chemicals out
[00:26:44] Rick: chemicals. Yeah. And I don’t, this is not a habit. It was something that just struck me and, uh.
[00:26:57] And that’s what we’re talking about with this real skill. It’s not even, it’s not meant to balance, um, you know, compost and flowers.
[00:27:08] Cathy: Yeah.
[00:27:09] Rick: Sometimes it’s compost and the smell of compost. Yeah. Right. It’s, you know, um, I, I was driving down a road and someone was tailgating me and I was starting to get really frustrated and the smell of horse manure on the wind, I was like, oh, horse manure.
[00:27:38] Yeah. I have shoveled about 60,000 pounds of horse manure in my life. That’s, that’s a lot of tons. Right. And, and you know what, there were so many joys from my furry friends, them carrying me. Um, adventures and explorations.
[00:27:56] Cathy: Mm-hmm.
[00:27:58] Rick: Those, those receiving something that is, that taps us into energy of living the life we’ve lived, the things that we aspire to.
[00:28:11] Um, and again, we don’t live in a culture that, like the algorithm wants you to pay attention in a certain distressed way because that begets you to buy things. We know that the science is solid. If you have somebody that you can activate their distress signals and then show them an ad, they’re more likely to buy that than somebody who Yeah.
[00:28:45] They’re unhappy, they’re gonna try to purchase their way out of the pain. Yeah. And, uh, it’s, it’s incredibly. Manipulative. And part of being free for me emotionally free is to notice, oh, there’s a manipulation going on. What else is there? Mm-hmm. So if I start feeling like I was scrolling today, um, I was looking for a picture of one of my friends and, uh, the algorithm gave me something that about cutting fingernails.
[00:29:17] And I was like, oh, I need to, I need that now. 'cause I saw this bunch of other stuff, right? Like, I need a fingernail, special fingernail cutter. And I was like, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait. 39 95
[00:29:27] Cathy: was
[00:29:28] Rick: versus a $5
[00:29:29] Cathy: wedding. You didn’t
[00:29:30] Rick: wanna, didn’t one of my friends just have a, a baby that just celebrated their one year?
[00:29:36] And I went over to their site and I was like, oh. So our emotions, how we’re triggered and activated we’re complicated. It’s, it’s, yeah.
[00:29:47] Cathy: I’d like to ping off something you said if it’s okay. Yeah, go for it. And for just to kind of, we were talking about how we can be sad Buddha or, or confused Buddha and someone said not in public.
[00:29:57] I think that was referring to that topic. Um, and the thing is, we don’t have to necessarily cry, sobbing hysterically in public, but we can be with, present with some of the emotions at inside. I think most of us have learned how to not like break up crying at work. Um, most of the time we can always go to the restroom, but I think it’s about being present with what is.
[00:30:19] And when you were talking about the trees falling, it struck me like a lot, our brain is fully capable of ignoring something it thinks we can’t handle. It will literally, like we just, I call it Teflon over the surface. I just, my awareness slides over it. I can’t, I don’t even notice it, but it’s very psychologically and energetically taxing for our brain to do that.
[00:30:42] It’s monitoring and trying to catch it really quick so we don’t really get impacted and we’re sliding over it. Um, and a lot of times we decided what we could handle when we were very small and we can actually handle it. Now when we do that slide, like if Rick just didn’t notice the down trees, if he was walking through the woods and there’s a lot of down trees, so he’d have, his brain would be working really hard to not see that.
[00:31:04] It takes away from our ability to be with what is the good stuff too. He, his brain wouldn’t have as much energy to be present with the birds or the sunshine or the, the walking in the, in the grass. So it, it does, it does take a lot from us to ignore things. I’m not saying we don’t sometimes need to.
[00:31:22] There’s times when the horror is just so big and we haven’t, we don’t have the skillset set to be with it. And a lot of us never build that skill because we learned as little kids, like two or 3-year-old that I can’t handle this, so I’m just never gonna see it. And our brain gets, you know, pathways,
[00:31:37] Rick: I can’t handle this.
[00:31:37] Yeah,
[00:31:38] Cathy: yeah.
[00:31:38] Rick: Go ahead.
[00:31:39] Cathy: Karate, Chop:. Even though my brain thinks I can’t handle this,
[00:31:43] Rick: even though a part of my brain is convinced I can’t handle this,
[00:31:48] Cathy: I’m not gonna notice any of those fallen trees.
[00:31:51] Rick: I’m not gonna notice any of those fallen trees.
[00:31:54] Cathy: It keeps me safer in some ways.
[00:31:57] Rick: It keeps me safer in some ways,
[00:31:59] Cathy: but then I don’t really notice the smell of pine sap.
[00:32:02] Rick: And then I don’t really, but then I don’t really notice the smell of mindset.
[00:32:06] Cathy: My brain is too busy diverting my attention.
[00:32:09] Rick: My brain is too busy diverting my attention.
[00:32:14] Cathy: Top of the Head:. What if I can notice
[00:32:15] Rick: that? Nailed it.
[00:32:17] Cathy: What if I can just notice a fallen tree?
[00:32:20] Rick: What if I can notice the fallen tree?
[00:32:23] Cathy: I will.
[00:32:23] Things fall.
[00:32:25] Rick: Things do fall.
[00:32:26] Cathy: Side of the Eye:. I can feel sad about it.
[00:32:29] Rick: I can feel sad about it
[00:32:31] Cathy: Under the Eye:. I’m not a little kid anymore.
[00:32:33] Rick: I’m not a little kid anymore.
[00:32:35] Cathy: Under the Nose:, I’m stronger than I was back then.
[00:32:38] Rick: I am stronger than I was back then.
[00:32:41] Cathy: Chin: and I can take it in small doses
[00:32:44] Rick: and I can take it in small doses,
[00:32:46] Cathy: Collarbone:, and stretch myself a bit
[00:32:50] Rick: and stretch myself a bit.
[00:32:52] Cathy: Under the Arm:, I wanna have room to see the fallen trees and smell the pine sep.
[00:32:57] Rick: I wanna have room to honor the fallen trees and smell the pine sep
[00:33:02] Cathy: Top of the Head:, and then I’ll get much more enrich by what I see,
[00:33:06] Rick: and then I will get much more enriched by what I see and receive.
[00:33:11] Cathy: Yeah, invite you take a breath with that.
[00:33:13] Um, and we’re, this is not a demand on our part. We’re not saying you must go do this, but we’re inviting you to notice places where you might, I, again, I call it Teflon, where I just kinda slip past something that I think, I think, think is gonna be painful. And I’m starting noticing that feeling and pausing and like looking back and saying, what am I skipping over?
[00:33:33] Our brain gets really good at skipping things. Um, so it can be really easy to fall into that pattern. And if we can, if we can pause like Han the No, nous is from Han, who is a very famous Buddhist scholar, um, and Monk, but he was saying, don’t take people’s mud away. Don’t like you don’t want to, you’re not dragging people into the mud, doing mud at people.
[00:33:59] But if they’re in the mud, we don’t have to pretend that it’s not there. And he invites people to notice the mud. 'cause there’s so much, the lotus grows out of that. The wisdom, the joy, the richness of life often comes through that. I don’t know how many of you have experienced when you process a trauma, there’s a wisdom, a peace, a quietness at the other side.
[00:34:20] The lotus can bloom from that. And rather than just kind of like, I don’t know, I’ve noticed that. I noticed it with myself, fingers pointing back at me, but also with other people. One day I was like frustrated at work and someone was like, don’t be frustrated. It’s fine. You’re okay. And I’m like, actually, I’m really not doing okay right now.
[00:34:38] Um, I don’t, I didn’t, they were trying to help me deny, deny reality, pretend it wasn’t there to make them more comfortable. I’d be more comfortable. But the truth was, I was in a position at work that was really not fun or good, and it was very frustrating and stressing. And I didn’t need them to like, add to my workload or tell me I was stupid for not handling it better, but I didn’t wanna deny what was actually happening.
[00:35:03] Um, and I think that we have a tendency in our society like there, there, there, just don’t, don’t feel that way. Don’t, don’t look at it that way versus. I, can I be with you as you are? Can I be with myself as I am? And then I have a lot more power to move forward. So I don’t know if this is landing for people or not.
[00:35:21] Again, some of it’s, you know, I’ve spent a lot of hours listening to Buddhist talks and, but I think there’s a lot of wisdom in there too.
[00:35:29] Rick: Mm-hmm. Someone wrote in the chat, my background is more that enjoyment or reward were always for later or for other people and or had to be earned, but later never comes.
[00:35:48] Yeah. Um, I have theories about where that gets sourced from in our primitive brain and in, you know, dynamics and groups of people and things like that. Um, and my, my question for us is. Can I allow a simple uplift?
[00:36:16] And what happens in your body as you, as you think about allowing yourself 17 seconds of simple uplift. Just I’m noticing something good and I’m going to allow that noticing for 17 seconds,
[00:36:34] Cathy: and I think
[00:36:34] Rick: I use 17 seconds. Go ahead.
[00:36:36] Cathy: Some people need help tuning in, tuning into that. 'cause I know I, when people, you first did this with me, I’m like, what do I notice?
[00:36:42] It can be the sunlink coming through a curtain. It can be something soft you’re sitting on or touching or something that is visually appealing. If you can be with something around you that can sometimes help people tune in, if that’s helpful.
[00:36:54] Rick: Yeah. If there’s anything in your world that isn’t utilitarian.
[00:36:57] Cathy: Mm-hmm.
[00:36:58] Rick: Okay. Like this crystal. I don’t, I don’t use it for a paperweight. I don’t have any wind blowing through here. I, uh, it’s not for utility, it’s for sensory goodness. It’s smooth. It’s cool. You know, I can, oh, that’s nice. Little hot in here right now. So, so it’s a little cool. Um, anything that’s in your world that, um, is for art.
[00:37:32] Art, um, anything that you know, that you like. It could be a smell or a taste that you choose to do. The uncomfortable. The awkward. Awkward is okay. And it is awkward, right? If we were trained, no. That’s, you haven’t earned that.
[00:37:54] Cathy: Yeah.
[00:37:56] Rick: You, no. We’re not gonna stop. I don’t care that you love dandelions. We are not going to stop and make wishes with dandelions.
[00:38:04] Come not come on. Get in the car. Get in the car.
[00:38:07] Cathy: You
[00:38:07] Rick: don’t have,
[00:38:08] Cathy: talk about, I think often comes from an overwhelmed parent who’s just like, we’ll, enjoy it later. But then they’re so overwhelmed. You get, they’re trying to get you somewhere, but then they forget to say, okay, now we did this. Let’s enjoy.
[00:38:19] Rick: Enjoyment is for later.
[00:38:20] Cathy: Enjoyment is for later.
[00:38:22] Rick: Eyebrow:. Well, it’s later.
[00:38:25] Cathy: It’s later.
[00:38:28] Rick: They convinced me that enjoyment was for later.
[00:38:31] Cathy: They convinced me that enjoyment was for later.
[00:38:34] Rick: And look, it’s later.
[00:38:36] Cathy: Look, it’s later.
[00:38:39] Rick: It’s my time.
[00:38:40] Cathy: It’s my time.
[00:38:41] Rick: It’s my precious life.
[00:38:43] Cathy: It’s my precious life.
[00:38:45] Rick: I’m going to enjoy what I want to.
[00:38:47] I’m
[00:38:48] Cathy: going to enjoy what I want to
[00:38:50] Rick: that, that nourishes me.
[00:38:52] Cathy: That nourishes me.
[00:38:54] Rick: I don’t know how much time I have left.
[00:38:56] Cathy: I don’t know how much time I have left,
[00:38:58] Rick: but it’s definitely later,
[00:38:59] Cathy: but it’s definitely later.
[00:39:05] Rick: So you can play with it like that. Maybe there’s a yes spot or an argument. If there is one, please feel free to put it in the chat. Um,
[00:39:15] Cathy: well I think too, the person’s, someone said, I think help with being with what is would be helpful too. Um, I’m curious, what, in what ways are you having trouble being with what is I think a lot of, there’s a lot of different ways we can go with that.
[00:39:28] Um, and a lot of us have learned we can’t handle it. It’s gonna be too hard, it’s not worth it. Um, or we just never had that role model. We learn from our parents. We have mirror neurons and other things that pick up on how people are, if our parents aren’t mindful, aren’t present with what is, we just genuinely don’t learn the skill very well.
[00:39:47] Um, we learned to, to, to just not see it. Um, and go ahead.
[00:39:54] Rick: Even though I have a terrible time being with what is,
[00:39:57] Cathy: even though I have a terrible, terrible time being with what is,
[00:40:00] Rick: what is, is so infinite.
[00:40:03] Cathy: What? What is is so infinite.
[00:40:05] Rick: Infinite.
[00:40:07] Cathy: Oh, infinite. Sorry. It’s intimate
[00:40:09] Rick: too. And intimate. Yeah. And I, it might be hard for me,
[00:40:16] Cathy: it might be hard for me
[00:40:18] Rick: because I’m selecting just hard things
[00:40:21] Cathy: because I’m selecting just hard things
[00:40:24] Rick: or avoiding hard things.
[00:40:26] Cathy: We’re avoiding hard things
[00:40:28] Rick: or avoiding good things
[00:40:30] Cathy: or the good things
[00:40:34] Rick: I wanna be able to be with. What is.
[00:40:36] Cathy: I wanna be able to be with what is
[00:40:39] Rick: sadness and joy.
[00:40:41] Cathy: Sadness and joy.
[00:40:42] Rick: Mud and lotus.
[00:40:44] Cathy: Mud and lotus.
[00:40:47] Rick: Life is complicated.
[00:40:49] Cathy: Life is complicated.
[00:40:51] Rick: What is is infinite.
[00:40:53] Cathy: What is is infinite.
[00:41:00] Rick: It is okay for me to have some more options and choices.
[00:41:04] Cathy: It’s okay for me to have some more options and choices.
[00:41:08] Rick: I don’t want to descend into the shit.
[00:41:10] Cathy: I don’t wanna descend into the shit
[00:41:13] Rick: I don’t want. Pretend that there’s no shit.
[00:41:17] Cathy: I don’t wanna pretend that there’s no shit
[00:41:20] Rick: that would not be good for me.
[00:41:22] Cathy: I would, that would not be good for me.
[00:41:25] Rick: I do want to receive what’s good.
[00:41:27] Cathy: I do wanna receive what’s good
[00:41:30] Rick: and be with my life as it is,
[00:41:32] Cathy: and be with my life as it is
[00:41:36] Rick: in all of its complexity,
[00:41:38] Cathy: in all of its complexity.
[00:41:41] Rick: So like, again, we know from science that, um, the amount of energy that goes into a disturbing image is 10 times or more, depending on how sensitive a person is.
[00:41:54] Then the amount of energy that will go into something lovely. Sweet. And that’s the way we’re wired by default. That’s our default mode now survival mechanism. Yeah. Which means if I am really focused on what’s disturbing to me, I have a frame of reference that says, and there’s uh, there’s more what is here than what I’m letting in.
[00:42:27] What I’m
[00:42:31] noticing it is, it is challenging. Sometimes we start from a place that is just so overwhelmingly stressed and if you had said to Rick when he was dying of ulcerative colitis and his business was dying and he was dying and he was about to have a child, you need to notice while the blessings in your life, I would’ve given you the double finger and never spoken to you again.
[00:42:58] Uh, it took a while for me to, to recalibrate there and I, so I get it. I’ve been there, there are very brief periods when I can still be in a place where something like the smell of pine, I would react to a. Boy that smells strong today. Different. Right. A different reaction. But notice I used reaction, and this is part of what we teach in these real skills workshops, is look, there’s a difference between being with what is and reacting to aspects of what is.
[00:43:38] Cathy: Mm-hmm. Those
[00:43:39] Rick: are different. If I’m reacting to aspects of what is, uh, like I bet Cathy can figure out from my hello, is Rick in a reacting to what is or in and being with what is. Mm-hmm.
[00:43:58] Cathy: Right? Mm-hmm.
[00:43:59] Rick: You know? Yeah. Yeah. And, um, so it’s, it’s not that we become impervious, but my frame of reference is, is not if I am in a place where all I’m seeing is dark and despair, I.
[00:44:20] I want, for me and for anyone. I love to be also aware. I, I bet there’s a candle here too, or, uh, there’s a star or something.
[00:44:33] Cathy: One of the ways I’ve noticed if I get really caught up with the negative thoughts and fears is if I can go back to the sense our senses, the sight, the sound, the smell, the touch of things.
[00:44:44] Like, oh, this desk is like really soft. The wood is like really smooth. Um, you know, or something’s fuzzy or something. Or like, can I smell like, oh, it smells like, uh, it was burning a cinnamon candle earlier. Like when we go back to our senses, we kind of get out of our brain and it loops and notice that.
[00:45:01] So like, if we can come back, like just notice if you can right now your own touch on your hand or, uh. The,
[00:45:09] Rick: this is the softest shirt I own.
[00:45:12] Cathy: Nice. Nice.
[00:45:13] Rick: Very
[00:45:13] Cathy: nice.
[00:45:14] Rick: I love the color.
[00:45:17] Cathy: Smells are very evocative 'cause they kind of circumvent our, the way they’re wired into our system. They don’t go through our prefrontal cortex first.
[00:45:25] So me smells can bring up very strong memories from when we’re younger, but they can also be really evocative. And I do, I keep a few essential oils nearby. So like, oh I’m ha, I wanna, I wanna come back to a smell that I feel safe with or something like that. But if you can find something and let yourself slow down.
[00:45:43] And can we just do a little tapping on that before break?
[00:45:45] Yeah.
[00:45:47] Bite you to take a nice breath if you’d like. And then Karate Chop:, I’m noticing a s sense right now.
[00:45:55] Rick: A scent or a sense?
[00:45:56] Cathy: A sense some kind of,
[00:45:58] Rick: I’m noticing a sense right now.
[00:46:01] Cathy: My brain is really scared about this.
[00:46:04] Rick: And part of my brain is really scared about this.
[00:46:07] Cathy: It wants to be really busy.
[00:46:09] Rick: It wants to be really busy.
[00:46:11] Cathy: It doesn’t wanna slow down and notice something that’s irrelevant.
[00:46:16] Rick: Oh, it doesn’t wanna slow down and notice something. It irrelevant.
[00:46:23] Cathy: It’s so tuned to threat and hurry.
[00:46:27] Rick: It is so tuned to threat and hurry.
[00:46:30] Cathy: Top of the Head:. And I feel really deeply.
[00:46:32] Rick: Or hiding.
[00:46:33] Or
[00:46:33] Cathy: hiding. Yes, but that leaves me really depleted.
[00:46:36] Rick: That does leave me really depleted.
[00:46:39] Cathy: Ira, what if I took 20 seconds right now?
[00:46:42] Rick: What if I took 20 seconds right now?
[00:46:45] Cathy: Sad just to be with something I’m feeling or smelling or tasting
[00:46:50] Rick: to be with something. I’m feeling smelling or tasting
[00:46:54] Cathy: avie. What if I could just let myself enjoy that experience?
[00:46:58] Rick: What if I could just let myself enjoy? Experience
[00:47:04] Cathy: Under the Nose:, even the sense of my fingers gently tapping on my own skin.
[00:47:09] Rick: Even the sense of my fingers gently tapping on my own skin,
[00:47:13] Cathy: Chin:
[00:47:14] Rick: echoing in my body.
[00:47:15] Cathy: Yeah, Chin:, can I just let myself be with that?
[00:47:20] Rick: Can I just let myself be with that
[00:47:24] Cathy: Collarbone:? I might notice my heart slowing down a little bit.
[00:47:29] Rick: I might notice my heart slowing down a little bit
[00:47:33] Cathy: Under the Arm: and me dropping into the present moment
[00:47:37] Rick: and me dropping into the present moment,
[00:47:39] Cathy: Top of the Head:, rather than worrying about the future or remembering the past
[00:47:44] Rick: rather than worrying about the future or remembering the past.
[00:47:48] Cathy: Just take a breath.
[00:47:53] It’s those little moments we can drop in. The more we practice it, the easier it is for our brain to deregulate from running as fast as it can to like, okay, I right this second, there’s no Tyra source wreck about to eat me. I can actually breathe and notice the wood feels really smooth, or I’m getting to see all your faces in front of me and you know, being present with you.
[00:48:18] I think the more we can do that, the more little breaks we give ourselves, that little interrupts, those can give us a lot of fulfillment and a lot of presence with reality in ways that are both, you know, allow allowing the good in as well.
[00:48:31] Rick: Mm-hmm.
[00:48:37] It’s one of those things that in our work, EFT Tapping has within it an, and it may not be obvious. But it’s, even though I’m hot, I’m also feeling this rhythm. Oh, that’s an, and it says I’m hot. As we were tapping, I was like, I’m hot. And, and I’m also feeling this rhythm. And I’m also feeling a very comforting vo hearing, a very comforting voice that I know so well.
[00:49:17] A person who loves me and my family. Ah,
[00:49:24] I could feel my body settle.
[00:49:26] Cathy: Yeah.
[00:49:28] Rick: And then we’re back and, uh, we’re about to take a break, right? Like, I, it’s okay if I’m in the and mode. It is less, um, jarring the, if I’m in grief. Also tenderness if I’m in grief and hope, if I’m in
[00:49:53] uncertainties and a sense of my own, um, proven resilience around not everything, but I’ve got enough resilience, um, that I can also feel that too. Notice uncertainties, inner resilience and inner resilience. I am not able to pretend that the uncertainties, which we did, I think last time, um yes. Last time because Right.
[00:50:28] Us improv. Yeah. Improv uncertainty. I, I, I cannot pretend that the uncertainties are not there and I’m also. Wanting to hold more of me as I’ve come to know many of you through our work in the circle. Um, it’s one of the things that I can, I know so much about your energy and your capacities and, and everything, and know if what you’re presenting with is scared or overwhelmed.
[00:51:00] That’s okay. 'cause I also know your courage and your strength and your resilience and your heartiness and your aspirations and what matters to you. And if you feel that way toward anyone in your life, if you also then look at yourself, include yourself in that dynamics. Like, oh, I can see that in this person and that person.
[00:51:25] I, I can see strengths and humanness and areas where there, there’s a gap. Yeah. Um, and. There’s also, what else? Courage, love, um, resilience, persistence.
[00:51:45] Cathy: There’s a beautiful comment that’s related to that that I’d love to answer when we come back after the break.
[00:51:51] Rick: Great.
[00:51:52] Cathy: Yeah.
[00:51:52] Rick: All right. We’re gonna take a break for seven minutes and then we’ll be back.
[00:51:56] Cathy: Yeah. See you soon.
[00:52:00] Rick: And we’re back. Cathy you said that you wanted to share something.
[00:52:06] Cathy: Yeah, there’s a comment that it really touched me, and I, I think this topic in general is pretty sensitive. So if you’re noticing a lot coming up for you, you know, just take care of yourself. I put the link to the grounding exercises in the chat a little bit back ago.
[00:52:20] Um, you can, you know, do what you need to, to, to tolerate what, what we’re doing without. Trigger triggering yourself too badly. Um, someone said, um, that, that what we shared was helpful. Um, but they’ve, they’ve heard the words a lot recently of what of it is what it is. Um, but it’s has been said to say there’s no point in being upset about anything or do anything about talk or talking about it.
[00:52:46] Just forget it and leave it. And that’s not what we’re talking about here. Um, one of the phrases that really drew me to Buddhism originally was just this, just this. And I was like, what? What for some reason spoke to me, but it’s like right now, right here in all that it is, like, I can spend a lot of times wor wishing, oh, I wish I’d prepared differently.
[00:53:09] I wish I’d gotten the trash out before the call. I wish I’d said that other thing differently. Oh, I stepped on Rick here, rather than just like, this is what it is. It is what it is. And that doesn’t mean I can’t have feelings about it. I can have a lot of feelings about it. Um, but I can, instead of denying or pretending that it’s something different or spending all my times wishing that it was different, I could just be with what is here right now.
[00:53:36] Just this, um, that person said, I feel like I could see the star in the candle, but it isn’t enough to balance, and sometimes it actually makes me feel worse because it’s so small compared to the big sadness or confusion, and that feels lonely. And I, I just touch, I’m touched by that because I’ve been processing some old things around my abuse when I was a kid, and I would be so scared and confused and.
[00:54:01] Not knowing what was going on, not understanding, but then I would hear the rain starting in the distance and it felt and smell that, smell that of the rain and it was like so poignant. It’s so beautiful. How can the, this horrible thing is happening. It feels like the world was ending for me. You know, in my little world it felt like it was ending.
[00:54:20] I’m like, how can it rain? How can we have a beautiful star or a candle? What the world should stop? It doesn’t, um, it doesn’t stop there. And one of the things I’ve really drawn Buddhism has a very long oral history and written history. And that, you know, I was really upset about some of the politics that were happening.
[00:54:41] And they were like, yeah, it’s worth fighting. It’s worth paying attention to and, and caring about. And this has happened before and it’s gonna happen again. It’s happened hundreds of times before and it’s gonna happen again. Um, I think that we get very much like in our lineage, like, oh, we only remember, like, we don’t have this long oral history.
[00:54:58] We’re just like, oh my God, this has never happened before. It’s the end of the world. It’s like, you know, this has happened before, it’s gonna happen again. Um, it doesn’t mean we don’t fight it, it doesn’t mean we don’t take action when it’s right for us, but, um. Knowing, accepting that this is what is right here and now, and there may be a lot of grief about that.
[00:55:18] There may be a lot of deep sadness. It may feel lonely, especially if we don’t talk about it with other people that are going through something. If we feel very
[00:55:27] Rick: Or that can or that can hold. That can hold the and,
[00:55:32] Cathy: yeah.
[00:55:33] Rick: Yeah, it is. This is to reflect back to tapping. It says it is what it is, even though I’m sad, lonely, and overwhelmed.
[00:55:46] What?
[00:55:47] Cathy: Yeah.
[00:55:48] Rick: I deeply and completely accept where I am and how I feel. Acceptance doesn’t mean like I’ve decided to just love this shit storm. No, no. I’m never gonna love a shit storm. It’s not my thing. It, it’s. It to me, there’s that place of, now this is what is, I have feelings about it. I, I appreciate that we here at least are validating that across the spectrum.
[00:56:22] I don’t, Gary Craig, who started, uh, EFT, he wasn’t the first who started tapping of course. But, um, he used to talk about positive and negative emotions and, and even there are lots of spiritual teachers that talk about, uh, you know, the vibrational scale and you wanna move up the vibrational scale. Okay.
[00:56:44] But, you know, some of the richest love that I have felt is in shared depth of quote
[00:56:55] Cathy: unquote negative emotions.
[00:56:56] Rick: Right. You and I did a little rage storm the other day, which is supposedly a pretty, that’s a pretty negative emotion, right?
[00:57:06] Cathy: Well, it was worthy
[00:57:07] Rick: of rage. Yeah. Right. And I was feeling it like my, I, if I had a camera on me, I would’ve had a red face and just like, I
[00:57:20] Cathy: was using very bad
[00:57:20] Rick: words, disgusted and repulsed.
[00:57:24] And that was a, that was a beautiful experience with my friend. Um, and some people, I would not choose to go there. They would, um, want me to bypass where I am to go someplace else. Like, no, no, no, we’re gonna go someplace else. 'cause they can’t hold it. Now, I, there are times when I, I can’t hold certain things.
[00:57:48] They’re too big. I. My priority or my attention needs to be closer and deeper. Um, or you’re tending to a dear end. You have to put your teeth aside for right now. Right? Uh, or all the appointments and everything else. And, um, the people who use the expression, it is what it is. Uh, it is what it is. There’s a primitive brain part of me that goes, look, I’m not the king.
[00:58:15] I’m the toilet slave. I know how to do that. It is what it is, right? Oh, yeah. Uh, the herd has moved a thousand miles away, but it is what it is now. What? And there’s a kind of survival we put aside. Someone said like, push down or said up. Emotionally
[00:58:32] Cathy: bypass.
[00:58:33] Rick: Yeah. Yeah. Well, for my primitive brain, I get that.
[00:58:39] And if I do that to myself, it does feel very immediately very lonely. I think that’s because. In my energy receiving what’s good includes a spiritual reference. Like, yeah.
[00:58:51] Cathy: Well I think there’s also a pushing if we’re, if we’re avoiding our emotions or pushing our emotions away, we’re really pushing part of ourselves away.
[00:58:58] That’s very lonely. And I’ve done that a zillion times. I shouldn’t be feeling this way, or it’s no use feeling anything. And I just push it away. And then I’m like, why do I feel so heartbroken? It’s 'cause I’ve rejected part of myself and pushed myself away. Or you know, that part of me. So that’s very lonely often.
[00:59:17] Um,
[00:59:18] Rick: and, and, and I want to, to recognize that I’m a frame of reference I have around simple uplifts. And something that’s good is that there are certain essential minerals in our body. We should not take in a pound of selenium. It would be very bad for us. Not good for us copper. Yeah. You don’t wanna take and suck on copper pennies, uh, for, you know, like as lozenges, but you know, you take someone and you take away their zinc and their immune system fails.
[01:00:00] You take somebody and you take away their selenium. Oh, dear. Not good. Um, we have all of these mixes of essential energies within us that come in. They are used, they’re excreted. Some of them, some of them, they make up the bones of us, and some of them, they, they make up our blood and other things as well.
[01:00:27] If I look at the complexity. Of the human body. And I think in terms of essential min minerals, there’s a musician, um, that sings a song about the different vitamins. You know, vitamin L for love and um, you know, you can make up your own right. It if I am exhausted, but I haven’t gone for my walk. And the first time to do it is way after sunset.
[01:00:59] It’s like eight o’clock at night. I need to be back soon. The bears are out. I have a picture of a bear giving me his butt, like, oh, it’s season. Big old bear saw me coming, turns his butt right at me. Right? I’m not going to walk in his territory. Not right now. No, not at night. And so I was like, where in the world can I go?
[01:01:26] The visitor center, it’s lit up. It’s a parking lot. Fewer bears. I look like a parking lot kind of guy. No, no, I’m not. I don’t like walking in parking lots, but it’s a parking lot. There was nobody else there. And I’m walking around, I come around the corner, I’m like, I’m walking in a parking lot. This is hard on my feet.
[01:01:46] Oh my heavens. There’s Orion now.
[01:01:51] Cathy: Stars. Yeah,
[01:01:53] Rick: I just stopped. And Vitamin O, there’s Orion, right? Orion who was with me when my father, the alcoholic, was driving the boat into God knows where in the middle of the night, right? Like, oh, we’re in Trump. Well, at least there’s Orion. He can, you know. Um, so Orion was there.
[01:02:17] Then I walked and I walked and I walked a mile and I stopped every once in a while when I needed a little vitamin O. Mm-hmm. And I can still feel the vitamin O in my system. Yeah. I don’t, um, I had, when we take in an essential receive it, take it in, let it become us for a bit, no, it’s not enough to overcome some of the things that, you know, are really life or death here.
[01:02:50] And boy, that Vitamin O really helped.
[01:02:55] Cathy: Yeah.
[01:02:55] Rick: I came home and I, I, my family was like, wow, you look better. Yeah. I saw Orion. It’s always here, but there’s trees everywhere I, I and mountains and the lights, it’s on your normal. Walking at the visitor center, which is a four minute drive away, that big open space.
[01:03:15] Let me see something and I took it in. Mm-hmm. I know myself, if I was just a little more gone in tiredness and orneriness about walking in a parking lot, I probably wouldn’t have even
[01:03:30] Cathy: noticed.
[01:03:31] Rick: Received the energy It was there. You just let it in. Exactly. It would’ve been there. I wouldn’t have let it in.
[01:03:39] And I’m grateful. I’m so grateful that I could hold both the complexity of what we were, uh, addressing for much of the day in that moment of vitamin O. And, um, when looked at that way, the skill becomes nutritional, energetically nutritional, as well as, um, yeah, a delight as well as meaningful.
[01:04:09] Cathy: Well, I think that when we, someone they were talking about the big grief, the big sadness, they’re very big sometimes and it can be really hard to process through them.
[01:04:18] It seems like there’s this huge thing, how am I gonna process through it? But I think as we do, our channels kind of open up. I notice I find more delight in a simple flower than I would’ve in like a, a huge expensive concert years ago. Like I think my, by being with the negatives, the mud, so to speak, I’m my channel for sensitivity, for awareness.
[01:04:43] The awe of, look at this amazing thing that is here. Like I didn’t cr create this, create this flower who does, no one sat and designed it in a lab. It’s like, it evolved. It created itself. It’s there and like, look how delicate the petals are and look at how it’s only there for a couple days and, but it’s loving the sun and following the sun and just, I don’t know, I can.
[01:05:06] It’s been my experience. The more I process those, those big heavies, the channels for receiving this, the simple delights of life really opens up. And I, I can feel like really deeply fulfilled from just being with that flower for a couple minutes or hearing the rain in the distance or something. So I, I, I’m not trying to trivialize at all the, the courage and the dedication that it takes to work through some of these really big things.
[01:05:35] I’m not at all. But I do think that on the other side there’s that silver lining of, wow, I have a capacity to be with the beauty as well. And I don’t know if people, I, I, you know, we can’t split test humans. We can’t say we’re gonna compare you directly 'cause we don’t have the same experiences. But I sometimes wonder if people that don’t face the big heavies.
[01:05:56] As much if they don’t like, you know, people, some people’s lives, at least from the outside, look like they flow along a lot easier. Their mind has, but I wonder if they ever find the depth of joy that’s on the other side as well. I’m, I’m not sure about that. I’m curious.
[01:06:12] Rick: Hmm. Yeah. Um, well, for those of you that are here that want to hear Billy Jonas, I, I, his, uh, his song about vitamin Alphabet, um, hopefully after the workshop, um,
[01:06:34] Cathy: oh, you put the link in there.
[01:06:35] Yeah.
[01:06:36] Rick: Yeah,
[01:06:42] there’s, and we’ve touched on it, is the energies that are bridged too far. They’re just, um.
[01:06:55] Uh, my body was really disoriented this morning. Um, I, I rise at a certain time. I look at my clock. It’s, what do you mean it’s seven? I usually get up at five. Right. But there’s something disorienting about the rhythms that I feel, and it’s not just in me, it’s around and the like, of the time change. And I got up and I, I did some things and, um, I sat, I drank my coffee, started sipping that, and I still was disoriented.
[01:07:27] It would’ve been, um, hard for me to find something pleasurable or something inspiring. What I needed in my disorientation was something settling.
[01:07:47] Cathy: Mm.
[01:07:49] Rick: Um.
[01:07:52] I, I do believe that when we’re outta sorts, there is an asking inside of us. It may not be in our head or in our primitive brain, but, um, like I put my hand on my heart.
[01:08:09] Cathy: Mm-hmm.
[01:08:09] Rick: If we get, if you get in the, the habit of finding something on yourself. Now some people, you know, do this, I do this when this Under the Nose: point, like, or the Chin: point,
[01:08:21] Cathy: I’m just thinking really hard.
[01:08:23] Rick: Uh, if like last night in the tech stuff, I was like, oh, okay. Yeah. It was settling to me in tech world, but in the disorientation of time and space, my body then went to the warmth of the coffee.
[01:08:44] Cathy: The, the, again, it’s a, one of the, the heat that we pick up the temperature, we can feel the cup, we can,
[01:08:52] Rick: right. Uh, it was a gray day, so like even what time is it outside or what part of the day?
[01:09:00] It was, it was actually very quiet, but when I felt the heat of the coffee, I took a sip, but I didn’t taste the coffee. That was how, like disoriented I was. I could tell it was hot though.
[01:09:13] Cathy: Mm-hmm.
[01:09:14] Rick: And sometimes our senses will give us a clue for a doorway. And once I, I took a sip, I could feel heat but not taste, and my body started to settle and then there was just this little blip of what I would call so peaceful because even though it was like 7 45 in the morning.
[01:09:42] Not a mouse is stirring,
[01:09:44] Cathy: it’s very quiet.
[01:09:47] Rick: I go
[01:09:51] and that reached my spine and reoriented me.
[01:09:55] Cathy: Mm-hmm.
[01:09:57] Rick: And that’s why like if I had tried to reach for the stars, literally Orion or some memory or the like, I don’t know that in my disorientation, which was bio rhythmic and biophysical, um, but heat like smell didn’t reach me. I was not smelling the coffee.
[01:10:23] Usually if I’m really like present Yeah. As the coffee is brewing really. I know how much you enjoy your coffee. I’m really smelling that. Mm-hmm. I’m hearing the tinkle, tinkle of my Mr. Coffee and, and, um. I can smell the mix that I’m making, but even there, my, my smell sensors were off.
[01:10:45] Cathy: Mm-hmm.
[01:10:46] Rick: I say that because I want to normalize that sometimes it’s not even so much that we’re dissociated, but disorient or there’s just something going on inside where we may not feel, um, but the touch of someone’s hand may be very different at times.
[01:11:06] And if we’re expecting it to be like it always is, um, it’s, if I’m, if I’m open to the possibility that there’s a different signal here, which I actually can reach. When we do our reorientation, we have look around, is there a lion that’s kind of primitive brain look around, right? Feel your feet on the floor.
[01:11:31] Why? That’s Look here. What do you hear that’s familiar? Oh, there’s the road noise. It’s pretty distant. I hear my voice,
[01:11:45] I hear Cathy’s breath. Ah, um, that is receiving what’s good, even though it may be not like an ice cream cone
[01:12:00] Cathy: mm-hmm.
[01:12:02] Rick: Or the heavens
[01:12:03] Cathy: or a new car. They, a lot of marketing people are teaching you. It’s like you have to buy stuff to get there versus like, no, I can drop in with right here, right now. And that’s actually, I think, more fulfilling for our system and better on our wallets.
[01:12:18] Rick: Um, I do, I do believe that, that an aspect of my thriving is becoming more sensual. Mm-hmm. And we, we have that as a lower a, a loaded word. They’ve even marketed that. So sensual means sexual, sensual, meaning that my senses, I draw on, I draw on my, my touch, my hearing, my my smell to what to receive, what’s good.
[01:12:46] There’s goodness I can look out. Um, we have new neighbors across the way. It’s not super Aunt Cathy. Well, they were hoping about the house, like there’s no jobs there. But there’s two, there’s, there’s two new kids, a 2-year-old and like a four month old that moved into the house over there. And my fam, I haven’t met them yet, but my family met them yesterday.
[01:13:11] Apparently. They’re just really friendly, nice people. They love Halloween. They’re gonna fit right into the neighborhood. Um, and there’s a vibe of aliveness now. You look at the house, there’s nothing going on like. Optically. But if you look at the house energetically, you feel and you’re willing to receive, this is a family that’s moving into a beautiful home and they got a great deal and they wanna raise their family here with us, all of us in the community, there’s so many kids running around.
[01:13:49] And, um,
[01:13:53] by just perceiving a little bit of that vitality, that energy, did you notice how it started layering on it itself? Maybe you did some people, and that’s, that’s one of the beautiful things about starting to receive what’s good. Um, my smell came back this morning. I started to smell the coffee, taste the coffee, enjoy the coffee, ugh.
[01:14:18] And uh, then I did some recording for my ai, um, that flowed from that. When I was reoriented, coming back into, into that is the skill. Uh, and it does for me, um, knowing that there’s always a pathway coming to me available to me, even if I don’t feel it, even if I don’t sense it, even if I’m ornery enough that I’m going to ignore it.
[01:14:49] There’s no pine tree here, right? You know? What are you talking about, Rick? I don’t smell any damn pine.
[01:14:57] Cathy: I think one way to look at this too is we often look at the things around us for what information, what do I have to do? Are there tasks here? Is it okay? Is it not okay? Is you know the tree falling good or bad?
[01:15:08] Um, we look at it for information versus being with what actually is there. Like Rick was actually with the pine tree and he smelled it and he was with the smell versus like, it’s bad that trees fell during the storm. This is bad. You know, you can get really caught up in the meanings and the, the, the outside rules about things or, oh my gosh, I didn’t straighten my bedroom up.
[01:15:30] Okay. I can notice that I didn’t make my bed this morning or, or I can, you know, be aware that maybe I didn’t. But I can see the sunlight coming through. I have a little prism and it was making rainbows all the right angle, and it was like rainbows all around the room. So like sometimes we’re, we’re very tuned to like doing, evaluating information.
[01:15:50] If we can kind of expand and just be with something, I think there’s a fulfillment in it for both the receiver. And I know ADRA can tell the difference when I’m really with her and when I’m kind of like busy about something else. And I think it, my impression is she feels more like, oh, I’m getting, you know, I’m getting seen.
[01:16:07] That’s really valuable. And I think. It’s, it’s really nurturing for both sides. So you just kind of loop it back to what we’re talking about is like life is complicated. It’s, I not, I’ve not experienced it getting less complicated. I’ve witnessed my delusion that it will be less complicated next week if I can just make it through.
[01:16:27] But it’s been happening for several decades and, uh, don’t think it’s changing. So. Life will be, there’s gonna be a whole mixture of good, bad, you know, things we like, things we don’t like, things that we hate, things we love, um, when we can kind of expand and stretch ourselves so we can, we can allow both.
[01:16:46] And I do think there’s a kind of a perfectionism model. Our parents like, no, don’t stop to smell the roses. I need to get you to school. I’m really overwhelmed. There’s a whole, and, and marketing and society telling us, like, you can only have it when you purchase enough or are good enough. And that’s, that’s kind of a story they’re telling us.
[01:17:02] And I don’t think that the more I can like go, huh, I maybe I don’t wanna leave that story. Maybe I don’t wanna live that story. Um, and if I catch myself and step out and just with what is, there’s, there’s a richness to life that I had missed most of my life. Like, and it, I think it continually deepens, we’re never gonna get it right.
[01:17:22] We can continually deepen and be more aware, um, through our entire life, but that I imagine I can be 90 and if I still practice this being like. I’m sitting here with my, you know, my tea or my coffee and watching the sun come through the window and, and like, you know, whatever life is bringing, maybe I can find some joy in there too.
[01:17:43] So my thoughts on that,
[01:17:47] Rick: thank you all. Um,
[01:17:51] Cathy: someone shared that they, I shared many a couple years ago, I think. Good memory, um, that I was talking, I had a makeup brush and it was really scratchy and I got a soft one and it was just like, what a difference. Like we can allow ourselves to have small comforts and like notice like, oh, I was just putting up with the old one 'cause I had it, but it getting a new one.
[01:18:10] It was like, oh my goodness. So nice. So if we can, maybe we can tweak small things too, if we’re present, but if we’re not present with it, we don’t even notice. We’re just like, this is what is in a way that’s not empowering. Um, yeah.
[01:18:23] Rick: Mm-hmm. Yeah.
[01:18:30] Cathy: So,
[01:18:30] Rick: okay.
[01:18:31] Cathy: Yeah,
[01:18:31] Rick: I feel complete. Appreciate you all being here.
[01:18:35] Cathy: Yeah.
[01:18:36] Rick: If you’re watching on the replay, appreciate you being here.
[01:18:39] Cathy: Yeah. Um, please give us feedback if, I mean, I know I’ve been sharing more about Buddhism. If that doesn’t appeal to people, let me know. If you like it, that’s great. I don’t have to, it’s just what I’m excited about top of mind right now, so the perspective I’m looking through.
[01:18:52] But, um, yeah, and I just, I appreciate you showing up if you can, you know, we’re talking about being with what is, like you took time out of your life, your complicated busy life where there’s probably grief and happiness and all kinds of things, and you shut up to give yourself this time to look at things.
[01:19:10] And whether you like everything we said or not, you’re examining it and getting more conscious and present with what your beliefs are. And that’s really powerful. So you did something really amazing for yourself. If you can just like, wow, I gave myself this. A lot of people would not even consider, they wouldn’t be on the mailing list.
[01:19:27] They wouldn’t even think this was anything. But you’re here looking at yourself. And I think the examined life, you know, looking at our beliefs is just, it’s a lever that most people don’t even know is there. And you’re out there, not just aware of it, but looking at it and deciding how far you wanna pull it in what way.
[01:19:43] So nice call.
[01:19:44] Rick: Mm-hmm. Thank you. Thank you, Cathy.
[01:19:47] Cathy: Thank you Rick. Thanks everyone.
[01:19:48] Rick: Our email is support at ThrivingNow dot com, and that goes to both of us. So if you’d like to reach out, support at ThrivingNow com. Until next time.
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