Quiet Your Noise

 Real Skills Workshop - Community Event

RS 2023-02-12 BWM-Quiet

Quiet Your Noise…

Real Skills Workshop: Be What Matters

Hosts: Rick Wilkes (@Rick) and Cathy Vartuli (@Cathy)

Recorded Sun Feb 12 2023

For this session, you’re encouraged to notice what emotional and physical “noise” comes up for you when you seek to be what matters to you… and really FEEL that way.

“I know being ____ matters to me, but…” – The Yes, But’s will be a core focus to Quiet Your Noise. Tap with you soon!

:point_right: Replay is below

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I love what Midjourney came up with for “Quiet your inner critic” ::

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Why Quiet Your Inner Noise…?

Have you ever noticed that little voice inside your head that tells you things like “you’re not good enough,” “you can’t do it,” or “why did you make that mistake?” That’s your inner noise, and it can be really damaging to your confidence and happiness. But the good news is that you can quiet it!

When you quiet your inner noise, you’ll feel less stressed and anxious, and you’ll have a more positive outlook on life. You’ll be able to think more clearly, make better decisions, and feel better about yourself. You’ll also be more creative and motivated, which can lead to greater success in your personal and professional life.

In short, quieting inner noise makes it far easier to feel and guide yourself towards thriving.

So, are you ready to quiet your inner noise and start feeling better about yourself?

It’s a real skill. We’re teaching it and using a potent emotional tool to help you quiet YOUR noise… so you can Be What Matters to you now.

:point_right: Replay is below

We look forward to engaging with you!

With smiles and love,

Rick & Cathy
Your Emotional Freedom Coaches
Schedule Private, Gliding Scale Coaching Sessions Here

P.S. Adira says, “I enjoy chillaxin’ and enjoying the web of life…”


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The Noise… The NOISE!

So much noise… like a city traffic jam caused by a pile-up in a busy intersection with hundreds of impatient, frustrated beings… honking, waving hands, swearing… and stuck.

Too bad it’s inside my head.

That was me. Profoundly stuck with inner noise. Inspiration smashed into doubts, and horns sounded from frustration as well as threats. It was impossible to discern who from what from when (much less figure out how).

The coach that came into my life said, “Either you start meditating twice a day for 20 minutes each time… or I will not be able to work with you.” She was right. Until I started quieting the inner noise, the soft inner voices of wisdom and guidance could never be heard.

Here we are 30 years later. Meditation is still part of my life, yet it is EFT Tapping that often is what most helps me switch from reacting to responding.

Most empathetic, caring, creative people are “noise sensitive,” especially inner noise sensitive.

To quiet the noise takes real skill. Presence. And whether we like it or not, it takes effort. Emotional labor.

I can be sweet labor. Nourishing labor. Meaningful work.

What I like about “who I am” today is directly related to the work I’ve done and continue to do emotionally. So many of you, too, have done a lot of inner work, and it shows!

It’s why for Cathy and me these real skills workshops with our community are so delicious. As a group, we get to embrace our humanity (which includes being noisy creatures inside and out), while consciously adapting and crafting in ways that truly serve our thriving.

In order to Be What Matters, we will generate inner noise. We’ll have feelings. We’ll trigger limiting beliefs we need to revise. We might run smack into old traumas and vows from our youth.

How will be quiet our inner noise so we can focus? How will we lower the volume on fears (real and imagined) so they don’t stop us from expressing our heartistry?

If having more inner quiet would help you, won’t you join us?

:point_right: Replay is below

We look forward to engaging with you!

With smiles and love,

Rick & Cathy
Your Emotional Freedom Coaches
Schedule Private, Gliding Scale Coaching Sessions Here

P.S. Adira says, “Here’s some extra noise, Da-Da! Aren’t you proud of me?” (I am.)


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If you want to feel ___ often, but don’t, there’s emotional noise you can learn to quiet.

If you want to feel confident but don’t, there’s likely noise from past experiences, judgments, and beliefs that keeps your anxiety loud and your confidence depleted.

if you want to feel eager but don’t, chances are noise from being “too much” or being punished floods your senses so you go flat.

Want to be more fearless? Noise about “not doing something stupid” might be there, obscuring your wisdom.

It’s how humans are… particularly energetically sensitive ones like me (you, too?)

Cathy and I are facilitating a tapping workshop to help quiet YOUR specific noise.

:point_right: Replay is below

P.S. Adira says, “Da-Da sometimes makes gurgling sounds when I am expressing my messy creativity. It’s okay. I don’t let it stop me from feeling free to be me.”


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‘Tanvi is small therefore not allowed, doesn’t know, is weak in one word ‘incapable’.
It kind of translates as she can’t participate as equal, she can’t decide, she is a fool, weak n has no self esteem.’

Though this morphing. M gaining better view of self but not fully yet. Still quite non confident. Still land up behaving impulsive too. And m still a lot non decisive.

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Great session thank you!

Rick at the end of the call you mentioned a distinction which is right where I’m at with something at the moment. I’m not sure I got your understanding, could you go into more detail please?

It was about the difference or distinction between bypassing or ignoring something important by world standards, and your own; and moving towards what’s important to you.

I may need more of a prompt to be clear the question, Kate. For me a core of discernment is to know what matters to ME (even if it doesn’t matter to others, or contrasts with “world standards”). To stand strong and clear in What Matters to Me – which helps us filter out noise and focus in on experiences and relationships that are part of our unique thriving.

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Quiet Your Noise… – Session Replay

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We welcome your insights, ah-ha’s, and sharing. Please! Click [Reply]

Click for Computer Generated Transcript

Quiet Your Noise…

[00:00:00] ​

[00:00:00] Quiet your noise so you can be what matters. This is a real skills workshop and our intention is to help us be able to experience these emotions that help us thrive. The ones that nourish us, the ones that give us strength, the ones that enhance our resilience, the ones that bring forth our artistry. And you know what?

[00:00:26] We’re human and as soon as we move in the direction of emotion that we want, an emotional experience that we want, but we haven’t really, you know, Experienced it as much as we’d like. Chances are, like we covered in the last workshop, there’s some things that suppress us. And one of those things that can’t suppress us is all the noise, all the emotional noise, all the external noises, all the internal noises.

[00:00:57] And today I’m here with Cathy Vartuli from the Intimacy Dojo and Thriving Now. I’m Rick from Thriving Now, and we’re gonna help you quiet that noise and tune in to something that really will make a difference to you. And this is work. That you sort of do in your engineering work too, isn’t it? No. Yeah.

[00:01:17] Make sure the signal’s boosted compared to the noise. So I, I do think this topic is so crucial, and I love that you, you chose that it was one of the ones that you came up with, uh, Rick, because for me it’s actually been a really good barometer for me to, as I’ve healed, so we often use the analogy with trauma, that there’s each old unresolved trauma.

[00:01:40] Each trauma bubble that’s in our system is echoing in our subconscious present tense, like a TV blaring on a radio, on a TV station, and maybe there’s some radio stations too. The more traumas that we have unresolved. It’s like we go into a TV store and they’re, all the TVs are on different channels and they’re all blaring, and our poor subconscious thinks all of that’s happening now.

[00:02:00] It doesn’t understand past tense. So our subconscious is like, oh my God. Inundated with all these different signals coming in that. For many of us have been decades before and are no longer relevant. So for myself, as I’ve done more, he more and more healing. The background noise got quieter and quieter, and I also noticed that the times I get a little off balanced or I’m not taking as good a care of myself, they get louder again.

[00:02:27] So for me, Noticing, the more you can discern this, and we’ll talk more about it, but it’s a way for me to go, oh wait, I need to do some more self-care because my, that, that, that noise, that noisy background is coming back and, you know, also the baseline. Okay, it’s still going in generally the good direction.

[00:02:45] I’m clearing out old traumas. I’m letting the old t the TVs get quieter and quieter until we turn off that station. That was an old trauma, something that happened when I was a child maybe, and is no real, no, no longer really relevant. And really, when we turn off that tv, we’ve incorporated the lesson.

[00:03:05] Anything we need to learn, we no longer need to have that subconsciously playing as real time. So I think this is a beautiful topic and the more we can be conscious and aware of what we’re doing and help ourselves quiet that background noise, the more we can actually hear our own guidance, our own, uh, Learn our own path forward, not being steered by other people’s noise too.

[00:03:28] Mm-hmm. . So if you’re part of our be what matters, uh, focus for these, um, seven sessions in the chat, if you’d be willing to share like what is your, your emotional focus, um, because that would help Kathy and iTune as we go through this. Um, it’s optional. We believe in emotional freedom, including the, the ease of saying, no, I’m not going to do that without having to feel you can’t make me

[00:03:59] Um, yeah, you can’t make me. Um, so that’s, uh, that’s an invitation. Uh, mine is eager and, uh, um, boldness. Thank you. Mine is courageous. Mm-hmm. Harmony. Ooh, I like harmony. Uh,

[00:04:22] And one of the tools that we use for quieting the noise, uh, is ef f t tapping. If you’re new to tapping, what is that? Um, you’ll see me tapping on parts of my body. If you’re new, um, go to thriving now.com/tapping. If you’re watching the replay, um, I invite you to do that first and, uh, get our free guide. Uh, we even have a, a, a very straightforward learn e f t tapping course that you can go through for free.

[00:04:53] Um, we’re not gonna be teaching tapping, but you’ll be noticing that we’re tapping on these natural comfort points. You could also call them natural quieting points. They, um, each of these places are like little portals into our system, our energy, and by using our fingers and tapping with presence and comfort or.

[00:05:17] Anxiety. These are the collarbone points we call them. Um, they’re used in Chinese acupuncture and acupressure and many other, um, cultures have also found these comfort points. Um, so that’s something to be aware of. Kathy, you wanna read some of the others? Yeah, there’s some great ones here. Um, boldness, I think I, you might have said that.

[00:05:40] Harmony, skillful anger, fearless, uh, soul flow, resilience, solid. Um, someone scared my noise is not good enough. I seek self-acceptance, caring for self and self-acceptance. So I love those. Those are like, I think that it shows the uniqueness each of us bring to this. And I’m sure even if for two people choosing the same thing, it might look a little different, but what a lovely way to have like eight weeks of fooc or nine weeks of focusing on, uh, On something that’s really beautiful and that can help us come out on the other side having anchored that and strengthen that.

[00:06:19] So, well, we’re gonna be sharing some examples and, and stories and other things during this. I’d like to start with that. Not good enough. Cause that I think is one of these perfect, um, examples of noise. So for example, let’s say that I wanted to go see Kathy, right? You’re breaking up just a little. And she lives thousands of miles away from I do live.

[00:06:46] 1, 2, 3. Yeah. Um, so let’s say I wanna go see Kathy and she lives thousands of miles away. And, uh, I think, well, I’m just gonna grab, uh, grab a glass of lemonade and, and go walk and go see my friend. Now, um, you would think that some noise would be generated. . And for people where not good enough is one of the things that their body mind has come up with.

[00:07:16] Like, they’re not good enough. Now that usually gets interpreted as I’m I, there’s just something wrong with me. You know, there’s. I’m just not good enough to go see my friend. I’m just like, and then that can cascade into other noise, like, ah, she probably doesn’t even want to see me anyway. I do with you, you know?

[00:07:40] Um, r right, but the truth doesn’t matter to noise. Mm-hmm. , um, you want to be more, um, self-accepting? Oh, no. Well, I’m not good enough. I’m not good enough. I’m not good enough. It is a noise, but in the case of me walking to see Kathy, there’s actually some signal there. Um, I’m actually not good enough to walk unprepared thousands of miles.

[00:08:09] It’s just a cup of drink in hand. , right? No. And it may be that if you want to go up on stage in front of a thousand people and get a standing ovation for your rendition of, um, a song that you’ve been practicing on your keyboard, you, there may be some signal there. It may be that out of a thousand people, some people are not going to like the way you play the song.

[00:08:47] And the, so we get these things, these noises, especially the ones that are really repetitive in your life, not good enough. If, if that comes up, a lot of times one of the things that you can say is, okay, that’s my noise. Where’s my signal? Where is, where is their guidance? Well, you’re just gonna fall flatter in your face.

[00:09:15] Oh, that sounds like my mother. That’s noise. Mm-hmm. , you haven’t practiced enough. Okay. That’s still, there’s a little bit of truth in that. Um, you know, I haven’t walked thousands of miles. It’s unsafe. If it’s said as an accusation is very different from the signal of, Hmm, well I hear you. You wanna go see her.

[00:09:40] And walking is something that humans can do. Takes a long time. Not even most efficient way to get there. , there’re probably some ways to either prepare for that or find other alternatives so that you get the experience of being with your friend, something that you are good enough to do, that you are welcomed.

[00:10:00] But the way the strategy that you’re approaching it, you’re either perhaps unprepared, which is true a lot of times. Mm-hmm. , um, physically or emotionally. and um, so the signal is gonna be below or deeper, or like for me, there’s a quality of depth. Um, signal for me as I tune into it loses self-criticism.

[00:10:30] That’s, that’s a quote. The, yeah, the accusation, I think is a really good point that you made. If it sounds like an accusation on a negative, it’s probably been inherited from somebody. So, uh, yesterday I was walking, um, I went to the stretch lab. I don’t know if you have them out where you are, but I love them.

[00:10:48] They, they stretch you out and help you, like, make sure you don’t go too far. It’s better than a massage, in my opinion. Um, but there was a nice restaurant right next door to it, and I had worn sweatpants to go to the stretch lab because, you know, I’m, they’re gonna stretch me, . And I was walking past and I’m a bigger person in my stretch pants, and they’re all dressed up nicely for this restaurant eating outdoors.

[00:11:10] And in my head I’m like, nobody wants to see you. They like, who are you to be out here like this? Like all these thoughts. And I was like, Wow. I’m projecting these thoughts from my mom who likes to, you know, things to look a certain way onto these other people. And I stopped and I looked back and most of them, like were busy with their things.

[00:11:29] They weren’t even aware that I was there. Like they were just eating and talking with each other. And I don’t actually know what was going in their head if they, you know, maybe somebody was judging me for not being dressed up nicely in this, near this nice restaurant. But I, you know, I’m just like, wow, I do have the right to be here.

[00:11:47] So the, the accusation, the negativity, the put down part of it, that’s a really good signal that that’s noise because our inner self loves us and is gonna send signal and it might say, whoa, that’s not safe. But it doesn’t have to be like, what were you thinking? It’s not safe. It can be just like, we shouldn’t do that.

[00:12:06] It’s not safe. We should find a different way. So if that helps with a discernment a little bit. I thought that was a really good point that you brought up and I wanted to emphasize it. If it’s an accusation or negativity, that’s probably noise.

[00:12:21] So the key components, signal, noise, and discernment. And we’re gonna be, um, circulating around in those. So if anyone else wants to share what their noise is, um, in the chat, that would be great. Um, and what we’ll do is, Kathy and I are gonna do a little bit of tapping here on, um, inviting deeper attunement to the signal.

[00:12:56] To discern signal from, from noise. Mm-hmm. , even if it’s noise that has just been so loud. So I insist, uh, had so much pain associated with it, you know. Um, would you like to lead that or would you like me to? . Um, why don’t I lead off? And you can take over at some point if you feel like there’s something else you wanna say.

[00:13:18] Is that all right? Yeah. So invite you first. Just let yourself come here and now it’s Sunday. Many of you have had lots busy things going on. Just take a breath and let yourself come here and now see if you can feel the energy of the circle. Were created this group of people that all care about each other and really each of us is hoping to improve our lives and wants to be at least emotionally supportive for other people to support their lives.

[00:13:44] There’s like a beautiful circle here of a, of people creating that, and that’s a, that’s such a blessing. So let’s see if you can come in here. Now let’s some of the outside noise. If you have Facebook open, I invite you to close it, you know, minimize it. At least the cats will still be there. The memes will all still be there later.

[00:14:01] Just let yourself come here and now and take a breath and let yourself. Just gonna sit, settle into your body, fill your butt on your seat, your feet on the floor, wiggle your toes, just breathe down. So like you’re, you’re actually letting yourself feel in your body if you can. That was a big forward step for me when I was wanting to quiet Noise.

[00:14:22] Noise is generally up here in our heads, or, you know, coming from above our heads, our bodies, if we can be with them and breathe quietly, there’s a lot of wisdom in there. A lot of good signal often. So karate chop, even though there’s been a lot of noise in my life, even though there’s been a lot of noise in my life, it’s made it hard to understand what I should do next.

[00:14:46] It’s made it very hard to discern what I should do next. It’s made it really hard to know what is authentically me. It’s made it hard to know what’s authentically me. So much of that noise is from other people. So much of that noise is for other PE from other people. Yeah, top of the head. I learned it when I was little.

[00:15:10] Oh, I definitely learned it when I was little and leader. I wrote, and often I was too little to know the difference, and often I was too little to know the difference side of the eye. All kinds of shoulds and tus, all kinds of shoulds and tus under the eye. Lots of, you’re not good enough, lots of, you’re not good enough under the noses, and I’m really looking for the authentic signal from within me, and I’m really looking for that authentic signal within me.

[00:15:50] Jen, did you. Yeah. No, it’s, it’s good. Your, your, your voice is kind of slowing Dr. Drawing out a little bit, but it’s okay. Chin. I wanna know what the universe is guiding me to do. I’m wanting to know what the universe is guiding me to do. Cali, not a bunch of judgmental and scared people, not on bunch of judgmental and noisy and scared people.

[00:16:15] under the arm that I’ve stored in my head, that I’ve stored in my head, top of the head. I’d like to thank that and let it go. I’d like to thank that and let it go and boost the signal from within me and boost the true signal within me. Just take a breath and notice what’s coming up for you. There may be some nervousness.

[00:16:39] Um, it was often unsafe to let go of those signals. Um, when, especially if when we were children we’re living at home, our brain internalized the noise and those signals from the noise from parents or whatever, so that we could stop ourselves from doing things. We would get us in trouble before we did them.

[00:16:57] So instead of getting yelled at by mom or dad for doing something, we’d pre yell, atish ourselves in our heads and it was a really good survival mechanism while we live with them. But now that we don’t and we have a lot more freedom and choice, maybe it’s okay to like thank the part of us that held onto those messages and just say, wow, thank you for keeping me safe all those years.

[00:17:20] And how about we give you a different job? How about you, you helped me tune into me versus tuning into these people that really don’t have that much influence on my life anymore. Mm-hmm. . So someone said the noise is, you can’t do that. And their, their intention, um, how they’d like to be is a more in soul flow.

[00:17:44] Mm-hmm. . So, um, I’d like to use that as an example for how I would, I would tap on that. Yeah. Okay. And we’ll just see. So thank you for offering that. We’ll continue. Um, even though I really want to be in soul flow, even though I really wanna be in soul flow and explore what that really feels like and explore what that really feels like, uh, there’s, there’s a noise in me.

[00:18:18] There’s a noise in me. There’s, you can’t do that. You can’t do that. Uh, that’s not really my soul flow. That’s not really my soul flow. I’m pretty sure my soul flow is not gonna sound like that. I’m pretty sure my soul flow is not gonna sound like that top of the head. You can’t do that. You can’t do that eyebrow,

[00:18:45] You can’t do that. You can’t do that. The eye. I am so bored of that. I am so bored of that. Yeah. I’m so tired of that. I’m so tired of that. Under the nose. Any signal there is long gone. Any signal there is long gone chin. It’s there. It’s there. Hold on. I, I invite my consciousness to turn down the volume. I invite my consciousness to turn down the volume, the arm being in soul flow matters to me.

[00:19:16] Being in soul flow matters to me. Hmm. That’s my signal. That’s my signal. Oh, good. That’s what I wanna discern. That’s what I wanna discern. I’m pretty sure it’s not gonna sound like you can’t do that. I’m pretty sure it’s not gonna sound like you can’t do that. I wonder what it will sound like. I wonder what it will sound like.

[00:19:46] So if, if you’re the person that offered that feel into your, your body and for all of us, I, one of the cool things about doing this as a workshop is that soul flow, whatever that means to you. Um, and if that means nothing to you, you can go back to again what matters to you. But just doing a tapping on the discernment quality, you know, I’ll be not gonna sound like that, that’s not gonna be the signal that guides me or what I want.

[00:20:21] Yeah. Okay. And I think one of the reasons it’s so hard to let go of the, the messages, the noisy messages is because there’s, they’re fear-based and our survival brain is always looking for danger. So if that, if that noise like some people shared, um, , uh, they won’t like me. Um, I’ll be rejected and hated, um, not believing I can be successful, um, in this case and having a conversa difficult conversation with their son, um, I’ll never get it right.

[00:20:53] Those are all really fearful messages and our survival brain is looking for danger all the time. It’s looking for ways, threats so it doesn’t wanna let go of these fearful messages. What if they’re right? What if there’s actually signal in them? And the problem is you get so much noise that you can never actually find the good signal in them.

[00:21:12] They’re just spinning around and making us feel less competent. Like if I just let myself keep harping on, uh, walking past that restaurant, who am I to be out on the, on the sidewalk and, you know, wearing kind of grubby. They weren’t grubby, they’re just older sweatpants. , oh my goodness. I could have really gotten myself in a low space, gone home and never wanted to go to the stretch lab again.

[00:21:34] And I love the stretch lab. Yeah. So, um, there we’re really, it’s really easy to get caught up in that cause our brain is looking for danger. How do we fit in society? How do we, how do other people judge us how safe we are? So, I’d love to do, if it’s okay with you, Rick, just do a little tapping on the letting go of some of the noise so we can actually be truly safer.

[00:21:53] Cause we can hear the real signal. So chat, even though there’s a lot of messages about fear in here,

[00:22:03] I think, okay. You know, there’s a lot of messages of fear in here, and I’m afraid to let them go, and I’m afraid to let them go. What if they’re necessary? What if they’re necessary? What if they’re real? What if they’re real? How can I let these go? How can I let these go? Don’t you try to take them away from me, don’t you?

[00:22:25] Try to take them away from me. I might do something really awful. I might do something really awful, or be really unprepared, or be really unprepared. All these noisy messages, all these noisy messages I eyebrow. Sometimes there’s grains of truth in them and sometimes there are grains of truth in them.

[00:22:49] Grains side of the eye. Maybe I’m not quite prepared yet. Maybe I’m not quite prepared yet under the eye. Maybe somebody will reject me if I speak my truth. Maybe someone will reject me if I speak my truth. Under the nose, but I’m keeping all the judgment with the signal.

[00:23:09] Say that again. I’m keeping all the judgment in the messages with the signal, with the reality. I want to keep all the, no, I’m blanking. . Well, the, the thought is that we’re, when we keep the noisy messages, we’re keeping the judgment that’s in the messages rather than just keeping the information we need to have.

[00:23:30] Yeah. I, I wanna keep the information. I need a need to have, yeah. Chin and let go of the judgment that’s in the messages. Uh, and let go of the judgment that send the messages collarbone. Why can’t I let go of this judgment? Why can’t I let go of this judgment under the arm? It’s not actually helping me.

[00:23:52] It’s not actually helping me top of the head. Not everyone’s gonna always like me. Not everyone’s always gonna like me, and I don’t have to be afraid of that, and I don’t have to be afraid of that. So just take a breath and see if you can notice where you feel fearful about something. Esp and just notice, see if you can notice the tone.

[00:24:13] Sometimes we’ve been hearing it so much is that fish and water feeling where we don’t even notice the tone anymore. So if you think of one particular thing that you’ve, you often notice noise about like how you dress, how big your body is, how many wrinkles you have, whatever it is. Like, oh, how, what is the tone I’m hearing in my head?

[00:24:33] Is it pretty judgmental? Is it trying to scare me? What if I could get the, the juice of that? Like the like, oh, okay, so maybe I do wanna be more prepared, or maybe I do wanna be maybe realize that some people are gonna leave. If I’m, when I first started doing tapping, I had a number of people leave my my life because our relationship wasn’t as, it was pretty.

[00:24:57] one dimensional. And as I started speaking my truth, we realized we didn’t really like each other that much. We’d just been kind of out a habit, kind of coexisting with each other. And when I started saying, you know, I really don’t like when that happens. We’re like, oh, wait, we’re not a good fit. And they drifted away.

[00:25:15] So there, there was, there’s some truth in that sometimes, but then there was also room for some really amazing people. It wasn’t this horrible, it was sad about a couple of them. Like I had did some tapping on Jennifer’s, not of my life anymore. Oh my goodness. I don’t know where she went. But there was also room for some really amazing people to come in.

[00:25:35] So my survival brain was thinking it was the end of the world if these people left. And it was really, oh, well, it was sad and I wish them well, and I’m gonna hang out with these people that are much more fulfilling and rich and alive for me. So I think if you can start noticing the tone, that can be a big deal.

[00:25:55] So, um, more, uh, animals that don’t have our capacities, um, they’re always in reaction, instinctual reaction. Um, we have this amazing capacity to take something that is hitting our primitive brain and get, go to signal the actual signal. So, for example, um, I’ll never get it right. Uh, something awful is, is going to happen, and that’s really vague.

[00:26:30] Mm-hmm. , the first thing for me is there’s a signal there when, when it sounds like that I’m in a state of fear around this and I have one job is to get out of that state of fear so that I have a more expanded. Set of signals. That’s the one job. Um, when I, when I realize that if I’m in my primitive, really strongly, in my primitive brain around it, um, that I need to get into my, my body like breathing movement, touch tapping works for me because it’s a body centered activity of soothing these comfort points with an intention to go for the signal.

[00:27:28] So the person that said something really awful will happen, their intention is skillful anger. So how many people here imagine that if you were not skillful with anger management, that something really awful could happen? Just from a primitive brain standpoint. Yeah, pretty. You’re walking along the street.

[00:27:48] I’m practicing skillful anger. That guy just cut in front of me. I’m going to very un, very unskillfully use this complete stranger who I don’t know whether they’re armed and dangerous or not, and I’m going to practice my anger, man, you know, my anger release with them. Now, if I’m wanting to practice skillful anger, I want my primitive brain to say, okay, that’s like playing with fire.

[00:28:19] You, you haven’t given the lighter, you know, the fire starter to Aira yet. She’s two . But you can guide Emerald in doing that, but not, but lighting things that are meant to be. . And so you notice, I, I used kind of a primal example. Those work for me in quieting the noise. It’s like, of course I’ve got fear here because I’m needing to bring it into context.

[00:28:49] Um, I would say for example, that um, I know Kathy, you’ve worked with professionals who are just amazing, even if you’re angry at them, being able to process that. Yes. So there are people that are on the planet that actually can help people develop a skill with anger. And we probably also. Can point in our family trees and others where if we were angry at them, it would be something I would want my primitive brain to go, oh, no, no, no.

[00:29:26] Right away. Something if, if you value that relationship at all, bringing skillful anger, no, no, no. Skillful anger for them is probably something else. And that’s where my heart might say, yeah, if I’m gonna be with them, the signal is I process the anger that I feel righteously and rightfully with those that can hold that space for me.

[00:29:50] So that if I bring something into the space, the we space with that person, it’s not anger anymore. In the same way that, you know, the cauldron of fire can melt steel, but you can bring someone a beautiful burnished steel. Pan, you know, or some gift, like you can take and skillfully take fire energy and use it in the right context, but not with everyone and not all the time.

[00:30:27] Do you notice that there’s a tremendous intelligence in the grain of truth about the fear that we have? The not good enough. Um, anytime I’ve really gone deeper with somebody on not good enough, not good enough. In what? For what? Oh, well, I’m not good enough to get what I want. And what are you wanting?

[00:30:53] Well, I, I, I want to take care of myself and appreciate myself. Okay. Um, and you’re not good enough to do that because,

[00:31:09] oh. , could you, could you come up with something that you appreciate about yourself? . Yeah. I’m not a total asshole. . Like, that’s a beautiful little increment in the self-care, self-appreciation, . Yeah. Um, go ahead. And with different people, there’s certain, like you said, there’s certain people, you, they’re just not really equipped to handle anger.

[00:31:36] Or if you’re doing difficult conversations with them, you may have to start very small with little baby things, baby steps. And we’ll talk more about baby steps later, but it, it, we don’t have to, like, if we say we want to, I wanna be more courageous. That’s one of my thing. I want to experience being more courageous and doing more things that I’m afraid of, but I don’t have to go skydiving tomorrow.

[00:31:59] I can practice with smaller things. Like, oh, I’ve been putting off this, these papers and I need to scan it and send to my insurance company for a week. And it’s been taking up a lot of energy. How about if I just be courageous and face that and get it done and we can build up the muscles And when we’re working with other people, I think there’s actually a skill and a savviness with like, I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to be angry with this person.

[00:32:23] I can, you know, I can tap with someone, I can yell at a chair, I can hit a, hit a pillow, but going directly to that person may not be safe. That, that may be true. Someone said, uh, does, they were talking about things not feeling safe. Um, like what if someone leaves them, if they’re not there around help. If they need help, their family, for instance.

[00:32:48] I think that some families are able to handle gradually over time being more authentic, more truthful. Like, oh, I feel a little angry that you said that and I’d like to talk about that. Can we, you know, without actually having the tone, versus, I have coaches that I’ve worked with and workshops where I’ve gone to where people were just like, I am so fucking mad at you.

[00:33:08] Like, really? And everyone was okay. , like, everyone was like, like we, we built up a trust where we’re like, we’re gonna really feel our feelings with each other and express them and there’s no physical violence. But that’s not something I would do with my family. My family would not be able to handle that.

[00:33:25] This is a skill that people have learned. So I think discernment, like, and there’s a container there. Yeah. Where you have people that are holding the safety so that if someone disregulates and, um, that they’re people that. Savvy enough to hold the container. Sure. Um, so one of the things that someone wants self-care and the concern wa, is around this, you know, no, that’s not safe.

[00:33:53] Um, what if, what will happen to me if they aren’t there when I need them? So that’s, that’s survival. Right? And ask yourself if where’s the grain of truth in that, you know, these people maybe they’re very self-oriented and so like if you, um, aren’t there always to be of service to them, there’s a lot of ways that families are constellated.

[00:34:28] Right. We’ve got, we’ve got bears and we’ve got Orion, and we have big dippers and things like that. Families are the same way. Um, but even in really great relationships, like the grain of truth there for me is I wanted to start going on a morning mile that’s self-care. The signal strong inside me was that if I, if, if I, uh, my whole being cellular, lymphatic, blood, bones, muscle, brain, every part of me was saying, you are wanting to move more.

[00:35:09] It was in the quiet times of my day and other times, um, that’s self care. When we’re in relationship and we want people to tend to us, there’s signal there too. Those relationships matter to me. They matter for my survival. Sometimes it’s physical, sometimes it’s financial, sometimes it’s emotional. Like if this, these people really turned on me for taking care of myself, well I have, like, I’m not sure that I’m ready for that.

[00:35:43] I don’t have that resilience yet. Or maybe ever. Um, in my case, what I by quieting the noise, the noise was, there’s no time for that. The noise was, well, you need to be here to take care of Aira. Um, the noise was your partner’s doing all this other stuff and can you feel like there’s a suppression going on because it’s critical and kind of mean.

[00:36:15] My discernment circuits kick in and go. Yeah. Mm-hmm. , there’s some truth in all of that.

[00:36:26] Where’s the signal? Why don’t you share and just ask. Say, I’m, I’m really feeling like being out in nature just for 20 to 40 minutes a day, um, would give me a lot more physical and emotional energy to be of service to the family. Um, is that something that you can support and if so, what would make it easier?

[00:36:58] That’s the conversation I had. Did I, I love it. Did I have, prepare myself for that? Yes. And it was, it’s meant that I’ve had 789 morning miles since I got that signal clarity quieted, the noise that rose. As soon as I move toward that, at this point, I actually expect noise around anything new, if that makes sense.

[00:37:27] It’s just part of the way that I’m. Go ahead. Oh, I just, I love that you asked, you talked, it does take courage, but a lot of times we’ll decide in our head, oh, that person would mad, or That person will be burdened. Or versus like, Hey, this is something I’d like, is there a way to fix it? Is there a way to create this?

[00:37:47] And often when you get several different brains working on something, there’s really good solutions. And so you speaking up about something you wanted, I think that’s really valuable. Great role modeling and something that, you know, I still catch myself deciding, oh, Rick won’t like to do this. And then like, Sometimes like, Hey, my hot tub died the other day.

[00:38:06] I was really upset. I didn’t wanna, like, I love my hot tub. I was like, oh no. Um, and I didn’t wanna bother Rick about it. He helped me find the first one and I mentioned it to him. I brought it up that I was frustrated about it and he just on his own, went and found a link. And I have a hot tub coming on Tuesday.

[00:38:26] So, um, sometimes we just, when we’re willing to share and it takes courage, like he might have just like, oh my God, you know, in my mind he’s like, you’re always asking me for stuff, like I have to find hot tubs for you all the time, or whatever. And he just naturally did that and it was such a gift for me.

[00:38:43] So I encourage you with safe people start practicing asking for what you want and like maybe the morning mile wouldn’t work. Maybe his partner would be like, oh my God, I really can’t do this. Let’s find something else. Let’s, let’s try to brainstorm something else. But he brought it up and that creates intimacy.

[00:39:00] That creates a connection cuz he is sharing who he really is. And when we’re connected to what matters to us, the signal that we feel, um, there’s also more resilience. Um, there’s, and, and sometimes the noise is all we’re hearing. Um, and again, like in order to be what matters, the emotional skill is I’m in a noisy place.

[00:39:27] I’m, I’m in fear, I’m in flood. I’m triggered, I’m in doubt, I’m scared. And it doesn’t feel like, um, oh poo poo. You shouldn’t be scared about that is actually what I can do. That there’s something in here I need to tend to. And I believe with all of these things that you all have shared, um, let me look at, see if I can find this other person’s.

[00:39:57] So resilience, um, My noise is you never do anything, right. You mess up. So here’s, here’s, um, to experience resilience, emotional resilience in particular. This noise actually is a great big hairy thing that if you, um, play with it, play with this monster, you can end up on the other side of it with a lot of resistance, I mean with a lot of resilience.

[00:40:38] Okay. Yeah. Um, side of the hand, even though I have this really big, loud noise, Even though I have this really big, loud noise, you never do anything right? You never do anything, right? You always mess up. You always mess up. That’s really ridiculous. . That’s really ridiculous. Hop of the head. I made it to the call.

[00:41:07] I made it to the call. Hi eyebrow. I didn’t mess that up. I didn’t mess that up outta the eye. I got outta bed this morning. I got outta bed this morning outta the eye. I didn’t mess that up. I didn’t mess that up. There are a lot of things that I’ve already done today. There’s a lot of things that I’ve already done today, Jen, that I didn’t mess up, that I didn’t mess up.

[00:41:33] Tali, this is really noisy. This is really noisy with the arm. This is the noise that hurts my resilience. This is a noise that hurts my resilience. How bet The good news is, it’s just noise. the good news. This is just noise. Yeah. Liar, liar. Pants on fire. Liar, liar. Pants on fire. So, um, if you have something that on a very primal basis now, I sometimes go really primal.

[00:42:08] Like, oh, I brushed my teeth, I wiped my own butt. You know, I made my coffee and I didn’t mess that up. , oh, you know what? I did drop a little bit of yogurt when I was feeding Aira and I cleaned it up. So, you know, even when there’s a mass, I’ve got capacity to clean things up. Yeah. You know, I spilled something on, I, I had gotten dressed for the call.

[00:42:34] I spilled something on me. Guess what I did? I’ve. The noise was, ah, you know, I gotta, there’s no time. You know, like that’s noise. And what I dropped in is like, what is right for me? I went and changed my whole outfit,

[00:42:53] So when, when this is your noise, um, it is

[00:43:04] look for the signal in it, right? And how you a resilient person. Like if, if you wanted to be courageous, the approach might be, yeah. Even though I might mess it up, I’ve decided to be courageous anyway. . Cause I’ll get that experience now even though it’s not gonna be done right, according to them, may not even be done.

[00:43:27] Right. According to me. Actually, I just want the courage of doing it, so fuck it. . So like that’s the tapping that I might do. Go ahead, Kathy. I think it’s important to remember too, our brains tend to give 10 times the emphasis to anything that goes wrong versus anything we do. Right? So if we can kind of step back and look it over, so like, dropping yogurt on the floor, like it, there’s been times in my life when I was much less resilient, where that would be the end of my day.

[00:43:55] I just like, I can’t do anything. Right? I would stab myself with that, that phrase so many times that I would creep off to bed and curl up with a book or, and some food. So, because just like I couldn’t, it was too painful to be there. So I think if, if we can step back and see overall, like how many things did I do right today, like, like what Rick was pointing out during the tapping.

[00:44:17] And just also remember that we, we will give 10 times the emphasis. It’s a survival brain thing because one fail could, could, you know, if we’re out in the wild trying to do something that could be the end of us versus 10 successes. might be good, but they’re not gonna be, they’re not life saving necessarily.

[00:44:36] So if we can’t, you know, just remembering that in your head, oh, I’m putting 10 times the power behind this one because it’s negative. I don’t necessarily need to do that. It’s not, we’re not, we don’t live out in the wilds anymore. There’s not hyenas and lions behind every push. Right. And what we’ve elevated into the, we, I, I didn’t realize, um, how much noise I was treating as if its signal, the, the perspective, the reframe of, um, look, I’m not the type of person that, uh, wants to mess things up and, but I don’t, I also.

[00:45:28] When it comes in through my primitive brain, it’s not very useful . So it might be like, oh, that was, that’s a mess. And I’ll feel the flood of it. And again, like I’m not immune to things hitting my primitive brain. Um, I have, I practiced this skill of discernment of is it hitting my primitive brain? And if so, I’m going to call myself quiet myself enough so that I feel for what a adaptation I want to make.

[00:46:05] Is there an adaptation I want to make? And, um,

[00:46:13] you know, I, I really appreci. And I’m eager to see like what happens in our community and what happens in the world when, when we start recognizing that. Yeah, that sounds, you know, really primitive, brainy. Um, does it feel that way to you? Yeah, it feels so harsh and cruel. Oh, okay. Well, where’s the signal in it for you?

[00:46:36] Huh? ? Well, you know, if, if you’re walking along and your cell phone is breaking up, you try to get to some place where the signal is better. Um, and what’s the signal in it for you? If that is noise, is there signal? Where’s, where in your body would you find the signal? Um, what matters to you here more than, um, what’s coming up for you?

[00:47:06] Yeah. Yeah, I think that’s really useful. Should we take a break now and talk about one of the other fears that can come up when we come back? Let’s do that. We’re gonna take a seven minute break and we’ll be back. I’ll. Welcome back, and if you’re watching the replay, um, we invite you to pause if you didn’t and let yourself integrate a bit, because what we’re gonna go to next is, um, is that right?

[00:47:33] Afraid of what you’ll hear? Is that what you wanted? Yeah. Yeah. I think it’s important to talk about as we’re quieting the noise, as we’re healing old traumas and, and, and learning to listen better, to hear the signal that we’re getting. There can be a time, or there may be many times where there’s a resistance to quieting the noise because there’s a fear of what you might hear, so it might be that.

[00:47:57] You’re with a partner that’s toxic or in a job that’s toxic or you have old things to heal that you’re, you haven’t really want to acknowledge or look at. And as they quiet the noise, those things become more prominent. They become more, you become more aware of them. And our system may be like, oh, I don’t know if I wanna quiet that noise cuz I don’t want to hear what’s beneath it, the signal that may have been swamped out by all those negative messages and all the, the burr around.

[00:48:25] And I have to listen to the neighbor and worry about that person and keep this person happy. As we quiet that down, we may find things that. Maybe we knew they were there, maybe we didn’t or we don’t wanna acknowledge, um, or we’re not quite sure how to face. And I wanna emphasize it’s so useful and valuable to, to process these things that are hidden.

[00:48:46] Those hidden things are often what’s keeping us from living the life we wanna live. Um, and maybe that noise was protective for a long time. It kept us from hearing these things. But if we can take baby steps, we don’t have to like get rid of a toxic job immediately or get rid of a. Partner or whatever it is, it’s come verbally to the surface.

[00:49:05] But if we can start taking baby steps to acknowledge it and heal the emotions we have around it, start learning some skills, then we can start healing these things. And I know for myself, a lot of times when I felt, I just don’t understand why I can’t get myself to do this thing, or I don’t understand why my life is a certain way.

[00:49:24] As I quieted some other noises, I ran into things like, oh, I’m really afraid of people, people scare me. No wonder I don’t wanna be close to people. That was really tough to look at. It, didn’t want to really acknowledge that I was so afraid of people. And it took a while to heal it, but as I’ve healed it, I’ve had much closer friendships with people.

[00:49:45] I’ve had, you know, better relationships with people in general. It’s been really worth it. But I think it’s important to acknowledge that sometimes the noise is there as a protective mask. Um, and then as we heal it, we may, we may run into things so. . If there’s things in your life that you’re not sure you wanna look at or you don’t know that you have the capacity to process through quieting, the noise may be if you front into resistance, that’s something to look at, to like kind of acknowledge, Hmm, is there something that I don’t want to hear or see that’s under this, that could be under this noise.

[00:50:19] It could be part of why I am, I’m keeping this extra noise around me. Um, and I for what? For myself. I don’t wanna live my life and the end of my life. Go, I wish I had, like, I wish I had cleared that noise. I wish I had healed those things. Um, and everybody gets to choose for themselves or what pace they go and how fast they clear things.

[00:50:39] Um, so there’s nothing wrong with, with taking things slow or choosing not to dive into certain things. And I think it’s really useful to know that there can be that fear. Do you have thoughts on that, Rick?

[00:50:55] Uh, it, it’s one of the reasons why I felt that having something that really matters to us as a guide, a guidepost, an energy to come back to, um, like I could tell, and we talked about it early on, like what you wanted was connection. The kind of connection that would be nourishing. You’re, you’re such amazing co-creator.

[00:51:23] And you know, I remember when we started talking about co-creating, there was a lot of oomph behind that. You wanted to have that experience and the things that would come up, the noise would be something like, I’m not good enough. The, the signal is I actually am afraid of people. And it that, to me, the signal has a different quality to it.

[00:51:51] It.

[00:51:55] One of the things is if you have someone who can reflect with you, um, you can hear like someone’s frustration and someone’s resentment and someone’s anger and, and, and someone’s, um, fear and scaredness and things like that.

[00:52:18] But oftentimes someone who is, who knows us deeply enough and has a sense of what signal is, has some skill in that can say something. Well, I’m, as I’m listening to you, I’m picking up on, on grief, the grief of this, you know, the, the being forced to, but there’s a letting go of what has been true for you. a long time that you’ve really valued.

[00:52:48] It’s been a, a, a, a situation that, um, means a lot to you. And, um, like that’s when the tears can start flowing where it’s like, oh yeah, that’s really tender. It’s a very tender signal. It may be one where, um, I believe that in the case of a lot of the deeper signals for us, um, they’re meant, they’re designed in our psyche to be.

[00:53:21] um, in the presence of safe people, and I really, I believe in our workshops, we’re cultivating people that can hold a much safer space for people being in their dysregulation or, um, not being capable of having a difficult conversation. You know, we, we we’re less likely to run roughshod and more likely because we’re listening to what matters to us to pick up the signal, even amidst the noise, like, well, I’m sensing that what matters to you is, is taking care of yourself and that there’s a lot of concerns, for example, like that’s the signal, the signal of self-care mattering and not just, and not just for survival.

[00:54:16] the survival part of it is like, well, part of self-care is not having everyone turn on me . But the bigger part of thriving, anyone who’s gonna listen to Kathy and I for more than three seconds is probably more interested in thriving than just surviving. So like when I hear someone say self-care, um, you know, I, I I feel that like, oh, cultivate my energy so that I can really be, um, alive with my vitality.

[00:54:48] Same with, um, you know, wise, skillful anger. Like I do not handle anger the way my father did. Yay. Um, but we’re all very grateful for that , right. And. Like in a thriving world, you know, in experience there’re gonna be things that, that go, come into our body that could hit all those dysfunctional patterns from our ancestors and maybe from our youth and maybe from yesterday.

[00:55:23] And, um, if we wanna be skillful and savvy with them, what do I do with that energy? Because the person who can’t feel their fire, there’s a lot of their chi that’s gonna be a little wetter, a little damper. Um, uh, it’s hard to have strong steel without using fire, and I don’t think it’s possible you have to have some fire to have steel in you.

[00:55:49] Like, no, this matters to me that that’s a ch one of the channels for anger is, um, that I am very clear in the core of me, the strongest part of me that this matters to me. Not talking about anyone else or how anyone else is gonna be with that, but it like knowing that. Mm-hmm. , go ahead. No, I, I love that. Um, someone asked is, uh, skittering from to another thought, another form of avoiding, of avoiding discomfort.

[00:56:21] And it can actually, yes, absolutely. It may be that there’s a lot of noise or bouncing back and forth, and it may be that we don’t wanna be present with a certain thought and we’re bouncing around. Um, and. . One of the best ways I know to deal with that is just tolerating it for a few, like take, uh, like 10 seconds, 20 seconds, and you can build up for it.

[00:56:45] That’s, I’ve been doing the, um, cold showers and it’s the same thing. I never thought I could do a two minute cold shower. I really thought I would die , but I started with 10 seconds and that was not very comfortable. But for a week I did ten second cold showers, and then it was 20 seconds and then it was 30 seconds and eventually I was up to two minutes.

[00:57:05] And I actually, the days I miss it, I, the days I skip it, I miss it. Like there’s part of me going, oh, where’s my cold shower? Um, it’s at the end of my shower. So, but um, I just, we can tolerate more than we can. We think we can, and I think teaching ourselves that we don’t need to run away from these feelings can be very powerful.

[00:57:27] And if there’s a lot of trauma getting a coach or someone to hold space for you and help you. Kind of baby step it forward can be really important cuz a lot of us will die. I don’t know about how many of you, I have fingers pointing back at me. I’m like, I can do 20 minutes of this and then I can’t. I, it’s too much for my system and then I’m taught myself again that I can’t do it.

[00:57:47] I’ve just added more data to the fact I can’t do it. So you wanna start with sections that you can, maybe they feel like it’s a little bit of effort, but that you can accomplish it. So you can teach your, your, your system that, oh, well that didn’t feel great, but I was able to do it. Like, oh wow, maybe that wasn’t so bad as I thought.

[00:58:06] So you wanna make sure you take small baby steps at first to build your confidence, to build your, your, you know, strengthen your li ligaments and muscles so that you’re not st hurting yourself, and then convincing yourself that you can’t do it. And I think that’s one of the things that baby steps is I run into a lot, is I don’t take small enough baby steps at first.

[00:58:28] It’s kind of an exponential growth. You start off and it feels like you’re not getting anywhere the 10 minute to 20 or 2010 seconds to 20 seconds to 30 seconds. I’m like, I’m no nor near two minutes. Like, what is this? But then, You know, in, I guess it was six weeks I was there and, um, it wasn’t so hard, but we have to, if we can, just really listening to our body and having someone to guide us so that we don’t go too fast.

[00:58:53] And if we notice ourselves bouncing around a lot or having a lot of noise certain times of the day, certain, uh, situations that can be something not in that situation. Maybe take a a little bit of time afterwards or before, like, oh, I notice every time I go to visit my mother, there’s a lot of noise. Is there a feeling?

[00:59:13] I’m not acknowledging. It may be that I don’t have to talk to her about it. It might be that I just have to, oh, I have some grief that I’m not able to be more authentic with her. I have some anger and I can do some tapping with Rick or with myself or with another coach. To kind of clear it. And then I might find when I go to see her, I can just like, oh yeah, I feel sad that she can’t hear all of me, and I can still be here with her and, and still be quiet.

[00:59:37] I don’t have to bombard myself with meteorites of messages and noise so that I don’t have to feel the feeling. Does that, that I don’t know if that makes sense. Mm-hmm. . So, um, noise is a part of every ecosystem inside and outside of us. Um, and going again through that, there’s the signal, the noise, and the discernment.

[01:00:08] And Kathy just took us through a discernment. If I’ve got all this noise and I’m able to at least discern its noise, noise impacts us most when there’s something in it, um, that could be true. Or points to a trauma, but it’s noise. It’s not the signal. And as we practice quieting ourselves and you know, the chat is open, if you have things that you do to quiet your noise, um, a walk, talking to myself sometimes on the walk, not usually just on a busy street corner, with people passing.

[01:00:57] Um, I’ll, I write, I meditate. I will clean. Like I’m a, I’m someone that cleaning as a strategy of actually, that actually takes me out of my primitive brain. It can put me into it if I try to get too far ahead. But if it’s like I’m gonna just put these bowls away, um, like there’s a. Pull an Oracle card, um, prayer, call a friend, text a friend.

[01:01:31] Um, I, I will pick up a word processor and start typing into it in a dialogue form. I believe in the power of, of, of potent questions. I believe it’s one of the concepts for thriving is that there are questions. And so someone asked, you know, am is skittering to another thought, another form of avoiding that discomfort.

[01:01:56] If you’re wise enough to come up with that from your signal. Um, that would be one of the questions I would write down. Um, am I avoiding discomfort here? Mm-hmm. . Okay. Can I be with a discomfort that was Kathy’s, you know, invitation? Can I be with a discomfort for 10 seconds? Okay. And one of the ones is, , is there signal here for me?

[01:02:20] Or what is the signal here for me? I don’t, my experience is I am never unguided. I just may be too noisy that there is an intelligence in the universe. There’s a love inside of me. There’s, and not that embraces my, my desire to survive for all the reasons and my desires to thrive and to, and to be and walk in the world with integrity and to, to experience emotions and, and people and, uh, that matter to me.

[01:02:50] Um, and noise is a discernment. For me that, oh, I’m feeling really noisy. You will even hear me say that to my partner. Hey, I’m feeling really noisy. I’m gonna go do a horizontal reset. Horizontal reset is, looks to everyone else like a nap, but it’s actually me rebooting my system and it takes about 20 minutes, not much longer, you know?

[01:03:16] Then you log in and, um, yeah, and I’m reset. So those are journal, um, someone says, so that’s that the real skill here is in the quieting. I tap and I will tap on the noise. Um, like even though there’s this noise, And it’s driving me cuckoo brains , even though there noise , even though there’s this noise and it’s driving me cuckoo brain, even though it’s, there’s this noise that’s driving me cuckoo brains.

[01:03:53] Uh, yeah. At at least I know it’s noise. At least I know it’s noise. And I appreciate myself for that. And I appreciate myself for that love. Good. Oh, that’s noisy. And that is noisy eyebrow. That is so noisy. That is so noisy out of the eye. That energy is so noisy to my system. That energy is so noisy to my system under the eye.

[01:04:27] Oh, and I’m, I’m sensitive enough to pick up on a lot of signals and I’m sensitive enough to pick up on a lot of signals under the mouth. It doesn’t mean they’re not noise for me. It doesn’t mean they’re not noise. For me, Chen, one person’s signal is another person’s noise. One person’s signals, another person’s noise relevant.

[01:04:48] One person’s signal is another person’s noise, one person’s signals, another person’s noise. And I like the skill of discernment. And I like the skill of dis discernment. Hmm. That really can help quiet the noise, that really can help quiet the noise. So, uh, I wanna do a discernment, um, little exercise.

[01:05:13] You’re cooking and you’ve got something, um, on the stove. Okay? And the heat is set too high

[01:05:24] and it starts to smoke. What’s the noise that comes? You, you really want to cook something, but it’s smoking, right? Is there any noise that crops up for you? Mine’s initially a profanity, right? Um, or maybe a judgment of myself as a chef. I’m the simpleton chef in our family. That’s my name that gave myself, uh, it actually makes me smile, takes the pressure off.

[01:05:57] Um, but let’s say now the smoke detector starts screaming,

[01:06:08] uh, smoke de. I have one right over there. It’s a really useful device. But if I know where the smoke is coming from and it’s not actually a fire, the signal I’m getting from that smoke detector is, doesn’t have to. , the parts of me that are like, oh my gosh, what if there’s a fire? Like, that’s discernment. Oh, okay.

[01:06:31] And now you’re tending to that. You’re tending to turning the heat off. You’re trying to, you’re, you’re doing everything that you need to do. And downstream you can look at, Hey, when I’m cooking, you know, what, how do I want to be when I’m cooking,

[01:06:52] the times where things have started smoking, um, I was being not with the act of service, I wasn’t being with, um, the appreciation for the food that I, I had procured that was being prepared for my family. I was maybe on my phone doing something that wasn’t as important. And so the be what matters is downstream.

[01:07:20] It’s like, you know, I really want to be more present while I’m preparing food. . Um, if I snap about something that’s, that’s very noisy, but there’s probably signal in it, like a fear of Aira getting, um, you know, getting into a knife or someplace that she doesn’t belong. Well, what matters to me, presence with my family, oh, if I’m being more present, I can actually be cutting up beats and present with her.

[01:07:55] But I can’t necessarily have music on too. That’s the music that I love may be too much noise. And this is, this is, I’m, I’m sharing this as a story of discernment of, of, hey, how, how do I navigate my own noisiness in a way that I actively quiet it down? I actively discern, well, the smoke detector’s going off because of, you know, the, the smoke that’s coming from the food or the oven.

[01:08:25] I’m gonna tend to that. Um, in the same way that trauma will kick off our smoke detectors. I don’t know whether some of the smoke detectors that are tied to trauma, the trauma events themselves don’t feel, um, particularly strong for me, even if I’ve gone into them with other people. But there’s a smoke detector around a man’s energy, for example, that it will go off if that energy is present now for me.

[01:09:02] And what do I do with that while the alarm has gone off? Usually there’s a jol. If I get a jolt from a trigger, it’s very noisy for my biochemistry. It’ll probably take a few minutes for my heart rate and other things to come down. Ah, what did I just pick up on? The signal is there’s the presence of somebody who’s radiating a particular energy and I can look and go, oh, okay, that’s sort of a harm, you know, that’s, I get why it triggered me , right?

[01:09:41] But it’s not actually that There’s no, there’s no teenage boy that’s at risk here. They’re not actually radiating an energy. Um, it was just one that sets off my fire alarm. Does that make sense? It’s, it’s a vulnerable thing to, to share that, but it’s, it’s true, and I see this with my clients, that there are things that you can sort of expect in the presence of, let’s say, a really hypercritical person that it may, you know, set you off.

[01:10:12] You tend to yourself, you look at the situation, you quiet the noise enough that you can discern, is this actually what’s playing out here? If you lose yourself, obviously with a flashback or like I’m actually in a frozen state, that signal is, um, this energy is still alive enough in me that instead of it being an alert, it’s, it’s a shutdown.

[01:10:40] I’m shutting down from a past trauma. Um, professional help has been extremely useful for me, uh, in making it so that I’m not lost in those signals that come in. . Yeah. I love you. You shared that. Thank you for the vulnerability. I think there’s also, we can also sometimes be getting the signal, when you were sharing that, I had the thought of the, the fire alarm.

[01:11:06] That’s an important signal we have. Um, sometimes it will go off for me when I’m cooking bacon and just I like my bacon crispy and I’m like, Ugh. My friends joke, the bacon’s ready when the fire alarm goes off. But my neighbors are, um, they’re from, from Mexico, so they get, they get the Spanish channel on their H B O, they get the those, and they’re not use, like, I don’t speak Spanish well enough to like, uh, get more than Commo sema like a little bit.

[01:11:32] So me getting that signal in on my tv, it would be noise to me. It’s not helpful signal. So the thought was like, sometimes my mother will give me advice. She. And sometimes she, you know, sometimes it’s useful, but there’s times when she gives me advice that’s useful for her world and not useful for my world.

[01:11:53] Mm-hmm. , um, it’s useful for her experiences and not for mine. And so, like, if we’re getting information from other people or we’re, we’re getting some things that we’re not sure if there’s signal or not, um, they may be signal for someone else, but they’re like, oh, is it a good, is this what I wanna receive on my TV station?

[01:12:11] Is it useful for me? Is it the message? My mother tends to be more fearful. She’s like worried about things happening, and I’m like, oh, I wanna be aware of that, but I don’t want to, I don’t want to go into a panic of the world as ending kind of thing. So, um, I think it can be useful sometimes to say, Hey, is this a signal that I find useful for my life, my ecosystem?

[01:12:35] Or does it really belong to a neighbor or someone else, someone else’s world? Um, so. just kind of that thought going through like, Hmm. I, you know, she, my mother’s very worried about the balloons from China, and I was like, oh, I know about them. I don’t think I, China’s about to invade. I don’t think I need to let that be part play so loudly in my ecosystem, if that makes sense.

[01:12:59] So I think it’s okay to like pick and choose. Um, we’re p even if we get rid of just noise and we’re looking for valuable signal, things that are inf informative, we’re surrounded by more than we could ever absorb. Mm-hmm. . Yeah. So, you know, like, There’s, I, you know, I would love to learn Spanish and Chinese and I would love to, there’s always things, I have, always have classes that I haven’t taken yet that are floating around, so we, we get to choose and we get to like, decide, Hmm, do I wanna filter that out now or is that something I really want, something that will add a lot of joy to my life and a lot of energy, whatever your word is, your, your concept, your eagerness or courage or whatever.

[01:13:40] I love having that filter for a little while because it’s like, oh yeah, that might be good for another, another three month period when I’m trying to focus on that. But for right now, I’m focusing on this and that’s not part of that. I’m gonna filter it out and let it go with gratitude, so. Mm-hmm. . Yeah. It can be helpful.

[01:13:59] Yeah, that awesome. Cuz I, I just realized what I’ve been doing with emails and filtering and who I follow on social media and things like that, eagerness is a focus and so the. One of the questions that I’ve like energetically been asking, um, is, could I be eager, am I eager to get this email? Am I eager to, I like that, um, to see what this person posts.

[01:14:29] Not everything, but is this, am I eager for the relationship that I have? Even if it’s a relationship, they don’t even know who I am or that I, I’m consuming their signal. If it’s useful to me, if it nourishes me in some way, if it provides, um, whatever matters to me, then wow. Yes. And I, I, the arc of my mother’s giving me something, there’s a little signal.

[01:15:02] There’s, there’s that grain of signal in it. and I’m letting go of the rest so that I can put it within my own framework. That’s one that’s useful to me, that that embody, that isn’t more embodied for me. Um, that, that can help us quiet so much noise. Um, when we ask the question, where’s the signal in this for me?

[01:15:28] Um, I saw something the other day on social media. It clearly had some signal in it, but there was so much noise to it. It’s like, ah, ah, ah. Um, and when I quieted the noise, what it was is, um, like freedom in the continent of Africa really matters to me. Mm-hmm. . But the way that this person who is African, asserts themselves around the, the things that matter to me, it.

[01:16:03] there’s signal there. It’s powerful signal, but it includes a kind of judgmental noise that floods my system. Mm-hmm. . So while, um, this lawyer and all that they do, um, I’m, I’m, I appreciate their existence, their signal. I can’t actually assimilate without activating a lot of noise. Um, it. If we look at our inbox, if we look at our social media feed, um, if we look at relationships and what we talk about and what we choose not to, um, you can, you can look at is there something regularly that isn’t just noise?

[01:16:57] Maybe that really matters to me, but it comes into my system in a way that, you know, I, I, I, I cannot assimilate. There’s some wonderful teachers in the world that I’ve learned something from, and today, like the way I’ve tuned my energy field, their signal is perhaps, um, what was right for me when I was 29, but not right for me now.

[01:17:19] Yeah. Um, even though they’re still speaking to a lot of people, that that signal that they put out is, um, is right for them. Part of me, I say that for acceptance, that we have a lot of people that, that. Filter us out. And I am, you know, I used to get all the unsubscribed. I used to even, um, like ask people, well, you know, is there something that you were looking for?

[01:17:46] And what I discovered was that our signal, the way that we do it, the way that we craft our energy, the way that you and I relate, the things that matter to us, um, for a lot of people is noise. Mm-hmm. , it could be going too deep, , even as, as gently as we try to be. We sometimes can go too deep, too fast for them where they are.

[01:18:06] It could be that their, their whole framework, um, their spiritual framework or other things, um, I am actually eager now to feel that people are making choices that are right for them. And I’m encouraging that. I love one person shared about losing a place they really loved and having to find something new.

[01:18:31] And I just wanted, I’ve had that kind of, uh, I’ve had grief about leaving places before too, and one of the things I found that helped me a bit was to go, I don’t know if you’re still in the space, or you could do it imaginary. You can in your, in your mind. I went around and I touched every wall and every place that had fond memories for me, and I thanked the building and the space for holding that for me and being there for me.

[01:18:58] and just, just kind of put some love into that. And that helped me a lot with my grief about it. And I also mentally kind of categori categorized what I loved about it so that I could look for that new, a new place to kind of be specific and invite it into the new place. So I don’t know if that’s helpful or not, but I did want to share that because that was something I found made a huge difference for me when I was leaving a place that I had safety and, and, and delight and just thanking it for all the different things that had been for me and invite, you know, hoping that it would be amazing for someone else.

[01:19:33] So I just wanted to share that because that grief can be hard, especially when we’re losing our safe, amazing space. Um, I hope you find something really wonderful. So thank you all for being here, uh, so much and for participating energetically and in your emails if you’d like to continue this. Thriving Now, dot Center is our community center and it’s open.

[01:19:58] We’d love for you to come and join us if that’s your Yes. If that would be signal for you. Um, and I had an I I had. Imagining this morning of me, you know, sitting across from each of us actually sitting across from our future self. And, you know, in a, we’re in a cafe and you’re sitting across from your future self and you’re like, wow, they look good.

[01:20:27] What’s the secret? You know, with a kind of eagerness, uh, cuz that’s my thing. Mm-hmm. . And, you know, around that time somebody dropped a mug of coffee and it smashes to the ground and, you know, and there’s, uh, a car alarm way off in the distance. And, and you know, a couple of friends who haven’t seen each other for 10 years are coming into the cafe and they’re like, oh, you know, there’s all this loudness.

[01:20:57] And I thought, well, you know, there’s a lot of noise. Some of it is things that have to be cleaned up and some of it’s love that’s just being expressed. and there’s a me in the future that has the guidance, my future self, what I’m, what I am doing today. What we’ve all done today in this workshop is set our future self up for more thriving.

[01:21:25] And I, I believe with all my own experience and heart, that if we, despite whatever is going on out there, we, we sit down and tune to our guidance system and our future self. There is guidance available for how to navigate even big life changes. Um, it’s not ignoring or saying or trying to even quiet all the noise that’s out of our control.

[01:21:59] It’s going toward what matters to us, the deeper connection with ourselves. I’m with those that we love, even if things are loud in the cafe.

[01:22:18] I hope y’all enjoy, um, yeah, get lots of really good, clear, loving signal. Mm-hmm. . And in our next workshop we’ll be boosting our energy. Mm. Yeah. . Bye for now. Thank you, Cathy. Bye everyone.

[01:22:36] ​

We covered…

  • What is Signal? What is Noise?
  • How do we discern the difference between signals that serve us and noise that annoys (and diminishes) us?
  • Discernment is one key skill for emotional well-being. If “noise” is harsh, cruel, or sounds like it is coming from someone who was harsh and critical from your past, assume it is noise.
  • Signal is more crisp, kind, and useful.
  • “Not enough” is noise. The signal might be “Yes! That matters to you! Prepare by starting here, become more resilient by…”
  • Signal is congruent with what matters to us! If what you’re hearing isn’t, it’s noise.
  • What is “signal” for someone else can be (and often is) noise for us. Discern the difference and find your healthy filters.

Resources Mentioned

  1. Free EFT Tapping Guide

  2. Thriving Now Emotional Freedom Circle

Great to have you on this journey with us!