Primitive Brain Program

I just finished Week 3 of this program and there is so much to it. I guess I’m halfway through and I know I will need to go back over again. There was one part of Week 3’s calls that really got to me - that was the one with @Dru going back to being a little kid and feeling abandoned. That really triggered me when I was 3 yrs old and my Dad left me in a motel room alone in China town and asked the motel manager to watch after me. He didn’t and when I woke up, my Dad was nowhere so I went looking for him.

I don’t know how far I had gotten from the motel, but I was on the streets of Chinatown in Los Angeles. I remember crying because I couldn’t find my Dad. A woman found me and somehow I ended up in the police station. I guess my Dad eventually found me and I don’t remember anything else about that trip that only my Dad and I took for him to get stuff for his business back in Arizona.

Thought I had dealt with it with EMDR a few years ago, but I think it was very helpful of Cathy walking Dru through to being a child then, but also as an adult in the present, and the interaction with his mom back then. That whole time, I just felt my heart tugging and I did eventually stop the audio, after I listened to it and tapped 2-3x along with the audio, I saw myself back when I was 3 and my Dad back then.

I don’t know if it released anything inside of me that needed to get out, but I hope it brought some healing. The forgiveness and compassion Dru had for his mom touched me so much. I don’t think my Dad realized back then that you just don’t leave a little kid all by herself and have a stranger watch her. I probably need to do more tapping with my little girl and the adult me and my Dad.

This stuff is powerful.

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Thank you for sharing this, @dorisv! I’m so glad you are taking that program. It was life-changing for me. I’m very sorry to hear that story about what happened to you. Sounds so scary! :heart: I hope you can start the process of reparenting yourself, too. I know @Cathy is available for individual inner tapping sessions. I am planning to hit her up for that very soon so it’s funny you reminded me of this work she and I did together back then. I’d love to know which recording it was so I can revisit it. This also was weird timing because I was just journaling about the status and role of my abandonment issues in my current relationship. Feels like a sign that you posted this and tagged me! Thank you!!

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It is Week 3 - 2014-07-09 about 20 minutes into it. I’m probably going to need to listen, stop, tap for my specific scenario again or whatever else pops into my head.

Thank you, @Dru. It is what it is. I don’t think my Dad meant any harm but he grew up without a Dad and what may seem like common sense to you, me and others, it just didn’t dawn on him that what he did was dangerous. I don’t think anything happened to me (like I got molested or abused or anything like that while I was out wandering around looking for my Dad) other than I was a frightened little girl.

There are only 2 memories I have as a 3-year old. This memory and another memory of me holding Charlotte’s purse when I was in church. She would leave me with her purse so that I wouldn’t feel abandoned while I sat quietly waiting for her. Apparently back 50 yrs ago, it wasn’t bad judgment to leave a 3 yr old alone in a place not her home. Never thought about that.

I also remember in one of the Circle sessions, I believe, you mentioned that you benefitted a lot from the Primitive Brain program and that just stuck in my mind. I didn’t think I would need the program, but the more Circle sessions, Borrowing Benefits from not just the sessions but all the other tapping I was doing and beginning to see how often I operated out of the Survival Mode, and Rick letting me see if the program was right for me and doing part of the 1st week, I realize it’s totally for me and I could totally use this help.

Guess all the dots didn’t quite connect until I read this that you wrote. I think with so many of my Father issues, maybe I can go back and reparent that little girl, that tween, that teenager, that young adult with the Dad I thought he should have been and release forgiveness to him, as well as compassion for how he truly is.

I’ll reach out to @Rick and @Cathy if I need more individual help.

Thank you, @Dru for being open, vulnerable. I’m really grateful to the Circle and it’s helped me so much whether we’re tapping on my specific issues or other people’s. I’m most often surprised when I don’t think I have whatever issue someone is talking about but then as I’m tapping, there is a lot of movement or something happening, even sometimes more than my known issues.

Have a super weekend and I know you’ll keep pressing through so that one day the abandonment issues will seem small and insignificant because your own being will feel so loved and appreciated that that abandonment voice will be drowned out by love, safety, and appreciation or whatever other good energies you want to replace that voice. :slight_smile:

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Thank you. This entire post has meant a lot to me. Thank you for your kindness and for seeing me. I listened to it again and it was powerful. Much to unpack still from this thread but I will say, I am currently living with my mom and I wonder if I am so successful at that in part because of this work I did back in 2014. Such a great course!

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It probably does have a great deal to do with the work you did back 7 yrs ago. Now you’re digging deeper and going for another layer of the onion. Yay!!! I am so proud of you.

And I love the sensitivity @Cathy and @Rick does all those sessions, but it’s not the sensitivity that says we are always right, meaning if you truly did something wrong and non-congruent to things, that you address that but in a way that is honoring and respectful. So it’s like an always entitlement attitude that you can do anything at any time and be okay with it.

I’m on the Shame - I Feel So Wrong and that had me crying. I was brought up to be shamed for it seems everything and assuming the shame for everything and everyone. I really love how @Cathy talks about now that we’re adults, we have other choices and can decide differently. There was even shame when I didn’t feel shame.

And I love that our emotions give us information about things. What? I don’t know, but they aren’t wrong, whatever they might be, but they provide us with information. What we do with that information is another thing. I’d never seen that in that way before.

There was so much anger in the way my parents raised me. I logically understand that they did the best they could. They didn’t know any better. It seemed natural and normal to them. All of this stuff, the PB is so new to me. I’m just soaking all this in and I want to get to the part where I’m not driven by the PB, but rather it’s a tool for me that I can turn on/off - recognizing that most situations I’m in does not warrant Survival Mode to be activated.

I’m such a sponge right now. I hope we can dialogue about this and share things that are helpful as we move forward in becoming our best selves, @Dru, and anyone else reading.

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