I notice that when I look at items on my to-do list that create pressure - that sense of have to, should, must - there’s an “or else” lurking beneath.
It may not be conscious, but it’s there, like that pressure we felt when studying for a test. The “or else” was the shame of not knowing the material and being “found out.” The fear of judgment.
The Primitive Brain’s “Or Else”
These “or else” thoughts live in our primitive brain. If you haven’t had water for two days, the “or else” is clear - you must get water or else you could die of thirst. That kind of “or else” served us well in survival. We come from survival-centered cultures where it was “chop wood, carry water, find something to eat or die.” We even acclimated into accepting that as the way of life.
Technology’s Gift of Choice
The truth is, for many of us, technology has changed this reality. I don’t have to walk miles to get drinkable water. There’s enough water right in my home not just to survive… but to take a hot bath. And I didn’t even have to chop wood to heat it!
The Push That Changes Everything
When I’m walking down a path delightedly enjoying life, really free to explore this or that, and someone comes along and starts pushing me forward - I’m in a very different walk at that point. I’m being pushed and prodded! Eeek, how can I enjoy myself?!?
It’s the same when I tell myself, “You need to exercise or else you’ll be one of those decrepit old men that can’t get off the couch.” That push transforms the experience from thriving back to just surviving.
From Survival to Crafting Our World
The opportunity to use our body-mind to craft our ecosystem - that’s thriving. When leaves fall and blow someplace we’d prefer they not be, we get a chance to use our body to craft our world. The opportunity to move our body, to express and build our strength, and expand our mobility so that our options expand - that’s thriving. See, thriving is about building and expanding and growing. Surviving is just getting by, getting through… because we have to.
Consider that morning coffee. We can approach it two ways:
- “I need coffee to get off my butt and out of bed in the morning - or else I won’t have the energy to work”
- Or savoring the warmth of it, the taste of it, and the way our body responds to its deliciousness
For your thriving today, notice: Is there an “or else” here? And if so, go a little deeper - or else… what?
If you were thriving and doing the exact same thing, what would that feel like?
Learn the language of thriving. Learn the frames of reference for thriving. It’s an invitation to transform every mundane task into an expression of your character, your values, and your curiosity.