Now & Onwards: Releasing the Old, Embracing the New

 Real Skills Workshop - Community Event

RS 2024-07-14 Onwards

Now & Onwards: Releasing the Old, Embracing the New

Real Skills Workshop: Exploring Wisdom

Hosts: Rick Wilkes (@Rick) and Cathy Vartuli (@Cathy)

Recorded Sun Jul 14 2024

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Thriving is in the Now. If we engage the past, it is to shift who we are and how we react now… and onwards.

It’s a skill to be aware of the path behind us and the bridges we crossed (burned or not). “Releasing” the old does not mean forgetting or pretending. It does, to us, mean having a NOW where we use skill to focus our life force on that which matters to us… directed towards our aspirations, challenges here and today, and thriving along the way.

Before this session: What is a mental or physical behavior that feels “old” to you… and what is the fresh new one you intend to embrace and vitalize for your thriving now… and onwards? (We’d love to hear some of these from you before the session! Reply and share, if it’s a yes for you.)

Now & Onwards - Releasing the Old, Embracing the New - Session Replay

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We welcome your insights, ah-ha’s, and sharing. Please! Click [Reply]

We covered…

  • Recognizing stale patterns: Learn to identify when past traumas or experiences have become “stale” in your life. This awareness is a useful step towards releasing old, unhelpful patterns.
  • Embracing the NOW: Discover techniques to ground yourself in the “now” rather than being pulled into past traumas or future anxieties.
  • Activation energy for change: Understand the concept of “activation energy” needed to make positive changes in your life. This insight helps you overcome inertia and move onwards with what matters to you.
  • Reframing “have to” into choice: Learn to transform feelings of obligation into opportunities for empowered decision-making.
  • Honoring your unique rhythm: Explore ways to respect your individual energy cycles and needs, as an antidote to comparing yourself to others.
  • Pattern interrupts: Discover actionable techniques like the “aardvark” safe word to interrupt negative thought patterns and manage overwhelming emotions in daily life.
  • Cultivating self-compassion: Learn to approach your emotions and experiences with kindness rather than judgment.
  • Embracing vulnerability: Understand the power of allowing yourself to be vulnerable and authentic in relationships.
  • Balancing acceptance and change: Learn to navigate the delicate balance between accepting yourself as you are and striving for positive change.
  • Somatic awareness: Develop skills to tune into your body’s physical sensations as a way to process emotions and release trapped energy. This body-mind connection is a powerful tool for healing.
  • Creating new, empowering energy directives: Learn to craft fresh, supportive stories about yourself and your experiences. This reframing can transform your relationship with your past and open new possibilities onwards into your thriving life.

Resources Mentioned

  1. Free EFT Tapping Guide

  2. Thriving Now Emotional Freedom Circle

Click for Computer Generated Transcript

Now & Onwards - Releasing the Old, Embracing the New

[00:00:00] Now and onwards, releasing the old, embracing the new.

[00:00:03] This is a Real Skills Workshop. And I’m here with Cathy Vartuli from Thriving Now in the Intimacy Dojo. And I’m Rick from Thriving Now. And we’re going to be engaging around the energy that allows a person to thrive. And throughout the long spiritual wisdom history of humanity, there is for me a thread that talks about being in the now and being in the now and being in the now.

[00:00:31] And Cathy and I both have been through enough trauma to know that we can be stuck in feeling experiences from our past as if they’re going to happen again, um, even though they can’t, the person could even not be on the planet anymore. And that part of what emotional freedom skill and tapping can do for us is help us take a trauma and make it so that we’re in our body aware that.

[00:01:05] This happened to us and it’s in, in the past, it becomes older and that’s a process and, um, we’ll be touching on that a little bit here today.

[00:01:20] One of the things that I’m really curious about, Cathy, is since, since you’re, you’ve really embodied that process, is there a point where you can recognize, or we can recognize that. Something from the past that still has a story and a narrative around it is becoming old, and that there’s more space. Is there something that you notice in yourself and with clients?

[00:01:50] Yeah, I think of it as becoming stale, like I’m kind of tired of my own story. One of the ways we know a trauma is not healed is our subconscious holds it in the present tense. Our cognitive brain hasn’t really gotten in there. The amygdala and hippocampus are holding it as present tense time, and it’s just kind of running as a gif in our system, and the trauma still haunts us because our system thinks it hasn’t ended.

[00:02:17] Um, By definition of trauma where when we’re in the feeling like we’re going to die afterwards, we should be able to like, burn it off and process it. And like, oh, that was something that happened in the past. This is what was important to remember. This is not important. But when we have unresolved traumas, they’re still stored in a way as as active.

[00:02:36] It’s almost. He is blaring at you on that station all the time at some level, and as we heal it, it gets quieter and quieter, but one of the things I’ve noticed is when it’s starting to get mostly healed or, you know, it’s like starting to get in the past, I get really bored with my own narrative. I’m like tired of talking about it.

[00:02:56] And I’ve done a lot of inner child work too with myself and other people. And I noticed like, as long as the inner child is still wanting to work on it, and it’s still really engaging, there’s still a lot of juice in it. It’s still unresolved. And when the kid’s like, I want to go play, I don’t want to do this anymore.

[00:03:11] It’s like, Oh, that’s good sign. Great. Go play. Like that’s the, the hook that’s keeping it stuck in the past and alive is So, um, if I start feeling like it’s stale or I’m, I think of the word sale, like I’m not really interested. I’m kind of annoyed with myself for like still talking about it. And we do get habits like we get neural pathways of talking about something or holding something a certain way.

[00:03:36] It’s like, You know, is this really that important to me again now? Or is there something else I need to look at it around it if it’s still sticking around? But that sense of staleness and kind of like boredom, annoyance feeling, that’s usually a good sign that something has shifted. And either letting it go completely or looking at what else I need to resolve or adjust to make my life fit better is, that’s usually a good sign for me.

[00:04:08] Yeah, I hear you. And, and there’s um,

[00:04:15] a clue for me that something is getting, um, stale is that it feels like

[00:04:27] when the trauma was alive, if I talked about it, I’d kind of skim over. The, the top, Oh, like this happened and this happened. Let’s, you know, and then as I was healing and I got people that were safe in my life, part of, um, releasing the old was to, to go deeper. So like, if there’s a storyline with peaks and valleys of things, instead of like skimming over the top, um, I built up and was supported.

[00:05:02] in not skipping over anything. Like, I was able to feel like, oh, there was that and, and yes, that. And we need to pause there because it’s still intense. And that’s just part of the EFT tapping, um, healing process with, with trauma. Um, if you’re not familiar with that trauma in the primitive brain thriving now dot com slash brain, we’ll take you there.

[00:05:32] We have a tapping guide for free at thriving now dot com slash tapping what I will notice that if it starts getting stale, in order to keep it energized, so to speak, I start. Um, putting more energy in, does that make sense? You see this with somebody that’s telling a completely fictional story, this is for me, I’m not saying that anyone else does this, um,

[00:06:07] if I were to talk about, um, if I were to talk about the abuse that I experienced as a teenage boy, um, if I wanted to, to, to really get my emotions going, uh, it would, it would take the, it would take, energy on my part to get into it. Whereas when it was unhealed, there was so much energy there that I actually had to cap the details.

[00:06:41] Here I would have to, um, accentuate them. Um,

[00:06:50] what does that tell me? It tells me that I’m kind of left with something that, um, to put my life force into it, to, to put energy into it is, is really to time travel backwards. Whereas trauma, To me was like, it’s alive here now, even though it wasn’t, um, there can be a quality of like, you know, I’ve processed this and process this and process this.

[00:07:18] And part of me takes me back there. I’ll do that with a relationship where it really, like, I have to, I have to get upset about it, or I’ll have to pick something. And, um, put my chi there and, and build up some energy about it, like anger or frustration or something. And that is different, probably different for me than I’m going along and I’m having a new relationship and I’m moving onwards in my life and wham, I’m kind of, uh, a past trauma injects itself into my now.

[00:08:01] So I just. For those of us that have been doing a lot of work, if you’re noticing, like Cathy said, that you’re kind of bored with it, um, you can even tap with like, I’m just bored of that. And for me, um, I will tap like, yeah, I could still, I could still get angry about it and what I want to do now is even though I could still get frustrated about it.

[00:08:30] It’s in the past. It’s old. It’s not, it’s not alive and fresh for me now. And if it is alive and fresh, there’ll be something that comes up, I trust. Does this, any of that make sense? And I think it’s hard to distinguish at first, but once you’ve gone through it a few times, it’s pretty easy. I liked what you shared about skimming across the surface.

[00:08:53] When we’re first looking at a trauma or something we haven’t examined, we don’t really sink into it and feel it. And I do think we have to feel the somatic experiences in order to really flush it out of our system. We can’t just use our cognitive brain because it’s stored in ourselves. And so. It’s often important with tapping.

[00:09:11] We can do it much faster, but we can actually remember the experience. Remember how afraid we were. Remember our thoughts about it. Remember the, the decisions we made about the world and look at them and go, Hmm, I don’t know if I really actually want to, that was smart back then. It was a good decision, but it isn’t really serving me now.

[00:09:31] So I think there’s a sinking in, but And then there’s also our systems actually get addicted to the chemicals released when we experience a trauma. There’s a just, there’s a surge of energy. There’s like cortisol, adrenaline, all that. Our systems get used to having that surge. And there’s something comfortable in the, It’s not actually a comfortable experience.

[00:09:54] So as we’re healing, it can be useful to say, Oh, am I looking for the rush or am I looking for this? Does this memory still have issues for me? Other aspects and our brains are very clever. We can, I’ll find that sometimes I’ll, I’ll have cleared something. I think I’m all good. And then there’s another facet to it.

[00:10:11] Another aspect that I’ll find later when I’m stronger or my body thinks I’m, my system thinks I’m ready to face it. There’s nothing wrong with any of that. And we’re not trying to say anyone’s wrong for holding on too long. We’re saying, huh, can we notice? When there’s old patterns that are still coming up that we may not find valuable or more, it doesn’t have to just be memory connections with people.

[00:10:38] So one of the things we were talking about before the call was like how it’s not always that, Oh, this person feels stale to me. I need to get rid of that relationship. It may be that, Oh, I formed this relationship with this person 20 years ago, when I didn’t have the same skillsets I have now, we’ve fallen into a certain pattern of complimenting each other and being really friendly.

[00:10:59] But not really going deeper. And I’ve changed in the last 20 years. I want something a little different. Is this person someone I want to, like, say, hey, I’d like to take the risk and re examine our relationship and see if we can go deeper. Am I ready to shed that old relationship for something that’s newer or more vital?

[00:11:18] And that doesn’t mean I have to shed the person or all the things we did. But is there something, a way I can look at this differently that would fit me better now? Um, so it’s not just about memories. It’s about activities and people and, you know, expectations we have of things, because if you’re on this call, you were.

[00:11:38] To grow and evolve yourself. And that means you’re different than you were last week or last month or 10 years ago. And I think it’s really easy to kind of like we’re in the rhythm of doing something and we don’t stop to say, huh, does this really fit me anymore? Is this really who I wanna be in this place?

[00:11:54] And the more we practice that muscle of going, huh, does this match who I wanna be? And how I want to express myself. The quicker we can find out, Oh, I don’t need this part. I’m going to just let it go rather than, Oh, I’m just going to toss the whole relationship. Does that make sense? We’re looking for ways we can just upgrade.

[00:12:13] Right. And, um, in the chat, thank you. The chat is open as part of the ways that are, um, the. Our participants help craft what we’re covering here. Um, can we tap on the judgment of holding on too long? Or did you have some? Yeah, there’s something that to to bring this section. Um, and it leads in when when I listen to people bring something up that really is.

[00:12:45] now ripening for healing and ripening for addressing or being, or being felt or witnessed. Um, many times people have been told, well, you just need to let that go. You just need to get over it. And I hope that if, if you’re listening to us, please know that that doesn’t fit the way that our human system is engineered and structured and how we work.

[00:13:11] Um, there are people whose trauma release response is much faster and, and it’s just like people who can throw a hundred mile per hour fastball. Um, their bodies are tuned a different way than mine. For me, the. The processing of something that got frozen because it wasn’t safe, um, to release it back then, it takes energy, it takes chi.

[00:13:38] And part of the real skill of this new and onwards and releasing the old is setting the context. As Cathy said, there are parts of it that you, you know, a relationship or an experience. So I, I’ve already mentioned the. The sexual abuse from my, my teenage years. Now I’m aware of that. What I keep from it are my values, and this is part of the moving onwards.

[00:14:11] And I want to bring this in at this point in the workshop,

[00:14:18] consent matters to me in a profoundly intimate way in my system.

[00:14:26] And so when I think about now and onwards, that is something I carry with me. I carry with me in my energy. Prior to it healing, what I knew was that something that was secret and corrosive was happening to me. I didn’t feel safe, even though I had moved on. Logistically, I had moved on from that. Um, for years, it was still alive in my body.

[00:14:55] And any of us that have healed any trauma probably identify with that. Like I’m carrying this thing that’s alive, um, to this place where, um, we have. an opportunity parse from it, whether the relationship is over or as Cathy mentioned, maybe it’s a relationship that’s stale and you want to freshen it up and move onwards in some way.

[00:15:23] Um, but the, the now and onwards to me is to be able to be free enough. And I say enough, not totally free, but free enough that If the subject of sexual abuse comes up in something I read and I’m reminded that I can come back to, and now I move forward in my life where consent really matters. And I understand that deeply and intimately, and I, it matters enough to me that I continue to explore the edges of it as a parent, as a lover, as a friend, as a professional, as a neighbor.

[00:16:05] Um, Can you feel that? Like that, I’ve taken something and kept it. That’s profoundly important to me and that gives my, my Chi, my life force, my attention, my, my heartistry, a direction. And that’s where, as someone said, you know, if, If you hold on to something, um, the boredom, and then there’s the lack of a more useful skill and fear around learning to do things differently.

[00:16:39] I believe that the do things differently is sourced from, and, and what. In that now boring story, what has become true for me in my life, the way that I want to be, and then, if you’re clear about that emotional stuff, the doing will tend to draw you, right? Um, the skill starts to develop in a new direction.

[00:17:06] That’s been my experience. I’ve been blessed to watch this happen with so many people from doing this work. And Cathy, you wanted to do some tapping on. I mean, this resonates for me too, so let’s just tap along and you can change the words if it feels right to you. I invite you to take a nice, gentle, deep breath.

[00:17:28] Let yourself come here. And now let the noise from the day just kind of drift away. You’re in the safe circle. Notice your butt in the chair, your feet on the floor. And we’re just going to explore some feelings and you can again, change the words if they’re too intense karate chop, even though I hold on to things way too long, even though I, I can hold on to things way too long.

[00:17:52] And I judge myself for that. Yeah. And I judge myself for that. I should not do that. I should not do that. I should be stronger and better and faster. I should be stronger and better and faster. What if I hold on to just the right amount, for just the right amount of time? What if I hold on for just the right?

[00:18:16] Even though that’s not possibly true. Even though that’s not possibly true. And I do this completely wrong. And I do this completely wrong. I think I’m weak and indulgent and lazy. I think I’m weak and indulgent and lazy. I wonder where I learned those things. I wonder where I learned those things. Does beating myself up actually help me move forward faster?

[00:18:44] Is beating myself up actually help me move forward faster? Eyebrow? I don’t think so. I have never noticed that it does. That’s the side of the eye. I think it makes me more scared. Definitely makes me more scared. Under the eye, so I want to hold on tighter.

[00:19:07] I want to hold on tighter. Under the nose, I want to hold on to the things I know. I want to hold on to the things I know. Tin, and I’m really curious what I could explore if I wasn’t mean to myself. I’m really curious what I could explore if I wasn’t mean to myself. Collarbone, I can compare myself to other people all day long.

[00:19:31] I can compare myself to other people all day long. Under the arm, and I don’t know what they went through compared to me. And what? I broke up. I don’t know what they went through compared to me. And I do not know what they went through compared to me. What if I’m doing it at just the right pace? What if I’m doing it at just the right pace?

[00:19:54] For my unique needs. For my unique needs. I just invite you to take a breath and see how that fits, because I love to beat myself up. I shouldn’t hold on. I shouldn’t move forward. I shouldn’t have this grief. I shouldn’t be like needing to process this again. And the truth is, it’s just, this is part of the work.

[00:20:16] It’s like what we’re going through. It comes up again and again, because if it needs to come up again and again, our system will hold onto it as long as there’s something left to heal. And as long as we don’t feel safe enough to move forward. So, you know, maybe we’ve healed a lot of it, but we’re scared to step forward, but our system is holding on for great wisdom in there.

[00:20:39] And so instead of beating ourselves up, if we can give ourselves some compassion and some gentle steps forward to build up the courage and the skills, that’s much more useful than like. And I’m pointing fingers back at me because I do this all the time. Should, should, should. Why are you not further along?

[00:20:56] Um, that doesn’t actually help. So if I, I talked before about using the safe word, aardvark, to stop myself, but I notice I’m doing that. So if I’m beating myself up, I try to like, aardvark, what is actually more useful in this moment? Is there something that I need to move forward? Oh, I’m feeling scared. Can I ask a friend to give me support?

[00:21:18] You know, like, if I go beneath the noise of the judgment, there’s a lot of good, juicy information there. But if I’m just focusing on the judgment, I’m never going to notice what my system needs, how I could actually help myself move forward. Does that make sense? It does. And I’d like to reiterate one more time that the wisdom for surviving is different than the wisdom for thriving.

[00:21:42] The wisdom for thriving obviously has to include the wisdom for surviving, um, uh, because we want to survive. We want to be here. And, and yet the, there’s a vast wisdom around thriving. And I, I think Those of us that are doing this work are helping to write it and freshen it and help all of us feel for like, what does it mean to heal trauma when we have the space to do so, uh, the support, the resources, whatever it is.

[00:22:17] Because I assure you, I,

[00:22:23] my healing from my past trauma that was killing me, literally it was eating, eating me up to the point where I had a medical condition that they called incurable. Um,

[00:22:39] the healing happened once I had sufficient support and resources. And if I was in survival, if I was really fighting just to feed my family and stay alive another day, I’m pretty sure that I wouldn’t be here. I’m grateful to be here. I’m pretty, pretty darn sure I wouldn’t be here on the planet in Rick’s form.

[00:23:04] And, um, there never would have been time or space to heal. And so I’m grateful that we get an hour on a Sunday. If, if you needed to be walking and there are people in our community that don’t have the space to join us. in person or even watch the replay. My hope is that our energy of what we’re doing echoes out to them as a beacon, as a, an intention, but what we’re doing is saying, Hey, I, I know that I have, um, this, it matters to me.

[00:23:45] It matters to me, this energy of releasing. It’s different from get rid of it, right? Get rid of it is you. You’ve got a snake. Get rid of it. You’ve got something that’s interfering with you, um, uh, hunting or gathering or cooking a meal or something else. You need to get rid of it or else you’re not going to make it.

[00:24:12] Um, People that are in survival, they’re just so busy. They have no capacity to hold space with you for an hour. Um, you’ll share something vulnerable and they say, well, you just need to get over that, that is survival wisdom. Okay. And I feel it in the arc of, of my ancestry, that there were times where that wisdom was absolutely true.

[00:24:41] Like, Hey, you’re, you’re, you’re, uh, someone dear to you is, is dead. Done. That’s You let it go and move on, you know, three days. Talk to me. Sympathetic. Come on. What’s up? What’s going on? Let it go. Yeah. Don’t bring it up again. Um, that kind of survival, uh, strategy is different than the skill set that we’re doing here, which is, is geared toward building a thriving life.

[00:25:11] And part of that is the skill of having a space where you can recognize, um, Hey, I have this trauma. Like that puts you in an exceptional group when you can recognize for yourself and for others, but particularly for yourself, like, Oh, that feels like it’s now, even though it’s really in the past. Um, and it feels vibrantly impactful still right now.

[00:25:40] Um, and there’s this, um, If we’ve tapped on it, if we’ve written it out, if we’ve read it aloud and tapped on it, if we found a song that speaks to it, if at some point it no longer feels like that, we feel a repulsion to it or a lot of energy that is an opportunity to build for your onwards. That, that to me is the skill that, that I’m, I’m sharing and I’m practicing is, okay, what do I do now that I have this, it doesn’t, it feels like the past.

[00:26:20] It feels like maybe there’s regret or some, I would never ever want to behave that way again. Um, there could be, uh, a feeling like that was so utterly unfair and I wish it was, I really wish it was different. We add the, because, because what matters because now, and just, if you take anything and you say, because now, and see where you’re being, how your being builds that in, it is not a distraction.

[00:26:54] You’re not avoiding it. You’ve been with it. You’ve touched it. And now, and you’re bringing that energy, your chi, because now. What I really want are people that are safe, respectful, and that honor and respect my freedom. Well, even though back then, um, and even, even still, my family condemns me anytime they don’t like, they don’t like me changing.

[00:27:19] These people that are my blood relatives, they do not like me changing. It is very uncomfortable for them. Their survival brain goes, and their, their voice starts doing all of the, and they’re typing and they’re everything. And they, they dysregulate. And that’s hard for me because now, because now, and take a moment, like what, if, if that’s part of your family dynamic, because for me now, um, I want people that I’m, I’m enjoying and appreciating, and I love being connected to people who can hear the changes that are going on and feel into, they use their empathy to feel into the rightness of the change.

[00:28:04] And they, they, they let their energy support me in the processing, as well as the clarity and the moving onwards.

[00:28:16] There’s a couple points I want to just share about that. For me, as long as I still have regret or intense feelings about something, it’s probably not healed for me completely. When I’ve, you know, and that may take time. There’s different shifts we make and then we have to marinate for a while. I, I genuinely consider something completely healed when I don’t feel regret anymore.

[00:28:39] I don’t feel, I can feel compassion for all the people involved and that may take like a decade around something like it’s maybe I process a lot of the trauma. It’s no longer such a big deal, but I’m still like have some angst about it and maybe it needs to marinate and then I bring it up again. But for me, the true is like the true calm feeling of looking at and going, Huh, I learned some things from that.

[00:29:00] I could wish it didn’t happen, but I understand like I can see the picture of what happened and go, huh, I did the best I could. Maybe it wasn’t as good as I would definitely like it to be, but there’s kind of a calmness about it and an ability to look at it rationally from many different perspectives.

[00:29:18] Um, and again, it can take some time to get there and I’d love to do some tapping on other people’s judgments around this. Is that okay? If I go ahead and do that. All right, so I’m going to hit both sides because I think they go together. I think we get them both. So I invite you again, take a nice, gentle, deep breath if that feels good to your body.

[00:29:38] Realize that we breathe deeply and slowly. That signals our survival brain that we’re safe. If a bear was chasing you, you would not take a nice, slow, deep breath, especially through your nose. So if you can take that nice, gentle breath, it’s giving biofeedback to their system that it’s okay to calm down and pay attention to what we’re doing at a deeper level.

[00:29:57] Makes sense to everyone. And noticing your body can help too, like you will notice your butt in the seat in the chair, the feet on the floor, it’s bringing you present in your body, you’re not so hyper alert, you’re like actually relaxing, it lets what we’re doing sink in deeper. Karate Champ. Even though a bunch of those people don’t think I should change.

[00:30:19] Even though a bunch of those people don’t think I should change. And they judge me for trying to change. And they judge me for trying to change. They actually say I’m harming them by trying to change. They actually say I’m harming them by trying to change they’re having and actually change. Having, yeah, , they’re having to adjust to all this change they’re having to adjust to all this change.

[00:30:41] And they’re just not happy. And they’re just not happy. Maybe it’s okay that I do this anyway. I’ve decided it’s okay I do this anyway. Even though some people say I have not changed fast enough. Even though some people say I have not changed fast enough. I should be over this by now. I should be over this by now.

[00:31:07] Maybe they don’t want to face their own feelings about it either. Maybe they don’t want to face their own feelings about it either. And I give myself compassion and time. And I give myself compassion and time. Top of that, there’ll always be people that think I shouldn’t change. There’ll always be people that think I shouldn’t change.

[00:31:30] Eyebrow, they’re comfortable the way things are. They’re comfortable the way things are. Side of the eye, they don’t think people should change. They don’t think people should change. Under the eye, but I’m ready to take care of myself and change what’s right for me. I’m ready to take care of myself and change in ways that are right for me.

[00:31:52] And for all the people that think I don’t change fast enough. And for all the people who don’t think I change fast enough or perfect enough. I am a unique being with my own pace. I am a unique being with my own pace. Colorblind, they don’t know what I’ve been through. They do not know what I’ve been through.

[00:32:15] Under the arm, I can appreciate they want something different. I can appreciate they want something different. Top of the head, and go at my own pace.

[00:32:28] And go at my own pace. Go onwards. At my own pace. Just take a breath and notice what comes up for you. When we were little, our parents wanting us to not change or to change at a different pace, that was really kind of, like, our survival brain knew we had to keep them happy, so we had to adjust to them a lot more than we needed to.

[00:32:50] That we do now. There you know, they’re not, they don’t have control over us at the same level, but our survival brain may not realize that. So again, if you notice yourself feeling rushed or held back by other people, it’s okay to take a breath. And huh, I don’t. My job is not to make everyone happy anymore.

[00:33:08] When I was little, maybe that was really important for my survival. But now it’s not. My job is to make me happy with me because I’m the one I’m living in here in this, So the more you can gently remind yourself, it’s, it’s a process, but the more you build up the skills to go, not my problem, but it’s other people have issues.

[00:33:30] It’s not my problem. It’s their problem. They’re trying to make it my problem. And if I accept it as my problem, I’m really stuck, but it’s not they’re having issues with something I’m doing. They can either deal with their own feelings, or they can not hang out with me so much, or they can go talk to a therapist or a coach, but not me.

[00:33:51] I love that for, I’ve been using that lately. Not my problem. And it’s really effective. I’m really upset that this happened. Not my problem. I can listen to you, but it’s not, I’m not supposed to fix it for you. And that’s been really powerful. So I invite you. Not me. Not it.

[00:34:14] And again, like survival wisdom, uh, says we live or die together. And there’s a quality of pressure and tension for survival that is different. Um, and I,

[00:34:31] if

[00:34:37] so, one of the things that’s, that that brings up to me is that there’s the releasing of the old, a part of me, because I’m really competent and capable of solving problems. You’re an engineer is, is. My, my now is I, I choose to be sensitive to whether it actually is my problem or not. And if it’s not, not my problem.

[00:35:04] And my embracing something onwards is like, how do, what matters to me in these situations? And it’s not my problem. And this person matters to me and I choose to be present or They’re so dysregulated that i’m noticing. I can’t stay In the same space or the same connection call whatever and so what matters to me Is to to regulate myself so that i’m offering co regulation into the relationship into the we space Um, that’s a bit of the skill set is oh, I have this old pattern and We’re pattern oriented machines, right?

[00:35:52] A part of us is a pattern oriented machine. Um, to me, emotional freedom says the fresh pattern for thriving and freedom is, Oh, Well, if somebody was in distress, I would take it on as my problem and try to fix it. And most people don’t like to be fixed. And a lot of things aren’t actually fixable. Uh, they’re more predicaments and I get stuck in this quagmire.

[00:36:18] Okay, well, I’m actively letting, releasing that old pattern by Because what matters to me is to stay free, to be clear, to be thriving, and one of the ways I do that, embracing the new pattern, is, um, even though I could take on this as a problem, would you tap with me? Yeah, even though I could take this on as a problem.

[00:36:46] I’m not going to. I’m not going to. Because now what matters to me, Because now what matters to me is more presence than problem solving. is more presence than problem solving. I value regulating myself first. I value regulating myself first. That’s good for everybody. That is good for everybody. That is good for everybody.

[00:37:14] And that’s what I’m going to do now, and going forward. And that’s what I’m going to do now, and going forward. Even just, if I’m switching something, Thank you. Um, a pattern like the old pattern of, of going back in time or are going worrying about the future. Um, worrying about the future for me is an old, and the releasing of that was like, even though I could worry about that, what matters to me is to be in the now, in my yes, what’s, what is my next yes.

[00:37:50] And that’s the onwards. It’s something that you can do now. No, that’s. There are lots of different, um, approaches here, but the one that I’m, I’m really focused on in my life is I want the, the approach that I’m using to be something that I’m empowered to do now, and that it supports my thriving. It’s, it’s an exploration of, well, for thriving now, because now thriving matters to me.

[00:38:26] And, I’m choosing, um, and, and healthy boundaries are great for thriving. Self sovereignty with support. Co creating is, is better than, um, you know, authoritarianism, right? Like I really, and, and now I’m going to focus on who my co creators are. Thank you all for being here. And the chat is open if this is. If this is enlivened something if there’s some wisdom you want to share if there’s a question you want to ask, um, we have the freedom to bring the this workshop to a close earlier.

[00:39:02] If that’s where it is, um, or to extend it out to the full 90 minutes with our break. So I would like to get a temperature gauge from people that are here engaging with us happy. Yeah, um, one of the things I invite you when we’re when one of the. Issues that can come up when we’re feeling like something is stale or old.

[00:39:27] It’s really easy for our brains are always trying to serve, survive, uh, conserve energy. So they don’t want to process too deeply. So it’s literally like if I put too much energy into this and the tiger comes, I mean, I have the bandwidth to like figure out what to do. So our brains are always, Lazy for a reason, if they’re, they’re trying to keep us healthy and safe, but when we have a complex problem in front of us, like maybe I have a friendship that’s been feeling a little off for a little while, and I’ve been wanting to talk to this person, but my brain is just like, Oh, just cast that person aside.

[00:40:01] It’s really, it’s the simple solution. It’s throwing the baby out with the bath water, so to speak. It’s like, Oh, this I’m never, this is going to be too complicated, too hard. It’s never going to work. I’ll be. But if I just sit and be quiet with myself and let myself actually feel into what I like and don’t like, there’s a lot I really love about the relationship.

[00:40:22] There’s just some things that are just a little stale and my brain doesn’t want to parse into that and is worried about the risk of saying to this person, Hey, I really enjoy you. And these things are not working for me anymore. So. When I was first thinking about this topic, I was thinking of a Sheik’s Shedding and Skin, where we just get rid of stuff.

[00:40:44] But then I realized there’s parts that I want to shed and parts I don’t. So maybe I want to shut up my shoulder blades, but not the rest of my body or whatever like that. Um, if the, if that analogy works for you and to do that, I have to be quiet and I have to be willing to be with the complexity of it and just sit with myself.

[00:41:03] I love meditation for this reason. I don’t do it the way necessarily everybody else does, but like I love to just be quiet and be with myself and give myself time to look at it. That in their other interruptions, um, and often it’s something small that if we can just talk to that person, we’re actually building the muscles we want to build any way of like learning how to talk to people about difficult things and being honest and authentic.

[00:41:29] And there’s a chance that person might be like, forget it. No, but most people are going to. Not throw out the baby with the bathwater. They’re going to be like, Oh, let me think about that. Or they may not get it right away, but really the whole effort of, of realizing what the issue is and talking to them and then working it through, those are all, that’s like, that is the exercise that is what we’re trying to do in the world.

[00:41:52] So like, even if it doesn’t work out beautifully, it’s. It’s helping us build skills and connections that are deeper. Because if I just continue skimming along with the person that I’m having some issues with, it’s just, it’s stale. It doesn’t feel alive anymore. But if I can just like, Hey, I’m scared about talking to you too about this.

[00:42:12] And I noticed that I would really like this. Are you interested? And being with my discomfort of like that person might say, forget it. We’re done. Or, you know, judge me for things like I can feel that fear and realize that it’s not a really about me. If that person judges me, it’s that person’s own issues.

[00:42:30] It’s, you know, it’s like they may not want to do the work. They may not be in a place where they can do that work, but I can just, I can offer an invite and. You know, again, this is, this is actually what life is about, I think. So it’s, I think a lot of times I think, oh, I have to rush through this part so I can get to life.

[00:42:47] But this is actually life. Hey, I’m noticing this thing. Can I talk to you about it? Can we try to work it through? Is what life is about. And it can form such a deeper connection when we actually risk Connection with ourselves and with the other person. So it just invite you to, if you notice that you’re struggling with something, let yourself just get quiet.

[00:43:08] If you can, you can do that with a coach or by yourself or with a friend. I did used to always do it with my cats. I would curl up with them and just kind of be with them and let myself feel supported and go deeper. But the more we can process that we are building up muscles, it gets easier over time and it’s never simple.

[00:43:25] It’s never like just, Oh, I got it. I don’t think because we’re always risking something that’s important to ourselves. If we’re talking about anything that matters, we’re not talking about returning some expired peas at the grocery store. We’re talking about something that actually touches our heart. So I imagine it will always be somewhat of a challenge, but it gets easier as we get the skill sets and know, Oh, I can handle it.

[00:43:48] If they reject me, I can handle it. If they, if they’re angry at first, I can handle it. If they do want to work it through, um, or they want something different. But we have to have those experiences to get there, if that makes sense. It’s really hard to know who will be on the other side of each step we take.

[00:44:07] Um, so just taking those steps can really transform us. You started by talking about how anything that’s going to be a change, there is, You’re going to feel, uh, resistance, uh, we’re wired, uh, there are people that are, are, you would say, biochemically, um, uh, addicted or oriented toward change, like, it’s hard for them to have anything that’s a routine, but for those of us that aren’t that way, if I’m going to make a change now, um, and onwards, there’s going to be a quality of, uh, uh, We call it resistance.

[00:44:51] It just doesn’t. Oh, goody. And all of our team moves in that direction. Um, and this to me, inside of my system, each now where I want to move in that direction, that’s challenging. There’s a quality of what the concept is called activation energy. It’s something that says, this matters to me enough to get up off the couch enough to be vulnerable enough to say, Hey, what matters to me now and onwards are relationships that have these qualities.

[00:45:31] And we have some of these but but I’d like to know whether you’re interested in bringing these because that’s where I’m going. That’s the things that I’m going to be doing vulnerability. Uh, being willing and. To call the question when there’s a question between two people. Um, these, this activation energy in the now for me, sound feels like, and what it feels like what I just did.

[00:46:01] Um, this person matters to me because they, they embody certain qualities or, um, there’s a depth to the time we’ve spent together. We have, um, a lot of precious life we’ve been through. We’ve spent together in various ways, and I’m wanting this now I’m exploring this now by putting more of the energy in the why this matters now you’re able to activate if you’re if you’re in the future.

[00:46:37] I don’t know how they’re going to react. Yeah, you don’t. You might have clues. You may, you may be 99 percent certain that they’re gonna say no. Um, but the now says, I, this matters to me enough to, uh, rise into the challenge. And I’ll, I’ll tap for something like this, Cathy, if you’d tap with me. I, this matters to me.

[00:47:05] This matters to me. I’m asking for the energy to rise into this challenge. I’m asking for the energy to rise into this challenge. Because. Deep, meaningful relationships matter to me. Because deep, meaningful relationships matter to me. And consent. And consent. I don’t know if they want to meet me there.

[00:47:27] They don’t want to meet me there. Uh, do they want to get more emotionally naked or not? Do they want to get more emotionally naked or not? Uh, these are This is a challenge and I’m rising into it. This is a challenge and I’m rising into it. I don’t want to pressure myself. I don’t want to pressure myself.

[00:47:51] I want to rise into it because that matters. I want to rise into it because it matters. So I’ve adopted rising into a challenge as being a rewarding thing to do. I even say that. I love having the energy to rise into a challenge. It’s so rewarding. Tap, tap, tap. Why would I say, like, to me, that’s an affirmation that, um, feels meaningful, even if not fully embodied.

[00:48:20] Like, even if I embody it at a three, I’ll still get a tingle. Like, oh. Actually, yeah, I am. I’m putting my attention to rise into the challenges of a thriving life because a thriving life has challenges that does not make it bad. If we’re building anything that matters, any Wii space, any life inside of a skinosphere.

[00:48:43] Um, if we’re doing that, there are going to be challenges. Even if overall we can say, you know, I am thriving. Um,

[00:48:57] I’d love to reply to a couple of chats in there. Do you, how do you want to? Please do. Okay. So someone said, would it be useful to check in with myself about particular problems, traumas, and see how I feel now? Is that part of the procedure or is it a more flexible, flowing thing? It’s a, today, is, is, This is a totally useful topic for me, by the way.

[00:49:17] Thanks. Um, so I love spending some time. I have a therapist that I work with and a coach I work with where I set aside time to look and see like what’s holding me back about something. I’m noticing this isn’t flowing easily in my life. Can we look at, see what’s, what’s, What’s there and having some support.

[00:49:34] I can also do it by myself. I think it’s useful to set aside time a couple of times a week, just to like, let’s kind of scan the system and see what’s going on. Is there something there that needs to be healed? Because I do think like splinters, as we get stronger, splinters kind of, if you have a deep splinter, it will work its way to the surface.

[00:49:54] And like, Oh, I scanned today. Everything looks good. That doesn’t mean that next week. I won’t see something from a different perspective, or it might be ready to look at it. So I think it’s useful to spend some time just kind of being with ourselves and noticing what is there. And then this other question kind of blends with it.

[00:50:13] What if I don’t want trauma? Oh, I so appreciate you asking that question. I don’t think any of us want trauma. Um, but it’s hard. It’s like, it’s just there sometimes. I just want to wake up each day and be happy and be able to not be scared even though, about not having food when I need it. This isn’t even a valid fear, really, because I do have food and can buy more if I allow myself to.

[00:50:35] This feels so old and also really weird, and I don’t really know how to release this anxiety. I can’t go out and enjoy any day without worrying about food and feeling anxiety and pressure about it. So I love that you shared this. Thank you. It feels really vulnerable and tender that you shared this, and I appreciate the courage in asking that.

[00:50:54] Um, I think there’s a couple of things that could be going on. One, when we find ourselves Reacting a certain way when we don’t mean to and it’s not valid in the future There’s often an anchor point early in our childhood or earlier in our life that is triggering that that’s running like a TV in our Subconscious brain is it like our brain thinks it’s happening now even though it happened 30 years ago or 40 years ago or whatever it is So working with someone to help is really powerful because it’s very hard to think through something that’s illogical that happened when we were little and maybe didn’t have a logical conclusion about it.

[00:51:33] You know, we’re doing our best as we can when we’re children, but our what happened and why is not always we didn’t have the experience to really put things in perspective. So, One, unwinding the anxiety, unwinding the fear about the food, going back to the experiences you had when you were younger, where you didn’t have food, um, and helping that younger part of you or that frozen part of you realize that, hey, we’re fine now, um, can be a huge step towards that.

[00:52:03] There is also, on the other hand, there’s something like we have old traumas, and then we also have patterns of thoughts we create where we don’t even realize the neural pathway is there and it’s triggering old traumas. So I noticed the other day, I have a dear friend from Oregon who we have, we’ve had conflict.

[00:52:22] Repeatedly in our relationship. I love him, but he’s a pain in the butt. Sometimes I was driving down the street and all of a sudden I was thinking of him and I was like, feeling very angry at something he said recently. And I couldn’t figure out why. And then I looked ahead and the car in front of me was from Oregon.

[00:52:38] And I’m like, Oh, I didn’t even notice that. But like, I think that’s what brought this up. Cause it was just out of the blue. There are thoughts we have and things around us that can trigger old memories and old patterns that are bringing our neural pathways are looped on. And if we can slow down enough to notice what the thoughts are.

[00:52:57] Um, we can slow them down and we are often beating ourselves up or putting ourselves down, um, in ways that we may not know. So I’m just guessing on what yours might be, um, depending on what, how you were raised and what your experiences were. Maybe I don’t deserve food or I’m never going to be safe around food.

[00:53:15] I’m never going to have enough. I’m always going to be hungry and we don’t always notice them because often they’re at the level of subconscious, just at the conscious subconscious level. Or they may actually be subconscious because our neural pathways get so melanated. So form that are like a racetrack and there’s thoughts are going around, but we’re still reacting to them.

[00:53:35] So it could be, it could also be these thought patterns. And that’s where I tried the aardvark. I try slowing down and noticing what the thoughts are. As soon as we start making them more conscious. We have a better chance of interrupting them, but as long as they’re subconscious, we really are at the, we’re like, I feel scared.

[00:53:54] I don’t know why. And that biofeedback loop happens where if we feel scared, our body tightens up, our heart rate goes up. All the things that have, that indicate something is fearful, which then tells your brain there’s something scary. And your brain sends more signals. We’re in this loop of anxiety where.

[00:54:11] The biofeedback loop is kind of running all because of the subconscious thought that went through. So, the more you can work on it, just tapping on the anxiety, helping yourself calm down and step out of it, and then working on some old traumas, I think that will, over time, really help with this. And, unfortunately, there’s not a, like, just turn it off way that I’ve ever found.

[00:54:33] Do you have thoughts about that, Rick? The other part of that skill for me is what are you embracing as you’re new? Um, so I’m not, I, maybe you have a, if you have this experience, what is the experience that you want to have? That isn’t just magically I’m going to not worry about food anymore because we’re human beings.

[00:55:01] My primitive brain is very aware of food. And so an embrace the new just to offer some possibilities is. You know, I really care about my nourishment and I have good and sufficient resource to nourish myself with calories and food that works for me. And in fact, I always carry some with me before I leave the house.

[00:55:25] I make sure that I have a couple of different choices and I take them with me where I go. Um, And if I need one of them, I’m sure to replenish it. And, um, I even, I even have, uh, some money in my wallet. That is my food money. Uh, if for some reason I. My being says, go here and get food there or do something like that, that I, because I, I value my animal nature, which is, I need nourishment when I do, and my body tends to be on the anxious side, and so I’m moving more of my energy now to calming and confidencing myself.

[00:56:06] Hey, we have good and sufficient resources for days. We have good and sufficient resources in my pocket to make it a couple hours. You know. I squished my belly, you know, there’s this place, you know, I’m probably not going to starve to death for a couple of days, you know, and, um, and I say that because it, If we, if we have a program that runs by default, this new and onward says, uh, now an onward says, and right now I’m honoring that food matters to me as an animal.

[00:56:45] And it clearly is important to my, my nervous system and my chemicals, chemical system, my biochemistry. And so I have decided that going onwards. I’m going to this and you’re giving it, Oh, even though I feel this anxiety and pressure around food now, I remind myself that yeah, nourishment is important and I’m going to bring sufficient resources with me wherever I go.

[00:57:17] Um,

[00:57:22] that’s, that is it. And for, for each of us, we may land on a different posture, but if we, if we’re If we haven’t done that part of the process, this is what tapping, uh, when I came into tapping, I feel like one of the things that I put energy into, um, it was rising with me and Carol Look and, uh, Patricia Carrington was it’s fine to go to the neutral spot and I, and I accept myself or I deeply and completely accept myself.

[00:57:54] Even though I have this food and anxiety and pressure around it, um, I de, you know, I deeply and completely accept myself. That takes you more into the now, rather than anxiety about the future and guilt and pressure and other things, but the onwards. And, and I, today, the challenge for me is rising into, um, a relationship with food as energy.

[00:58:24] Like, when I started viewing food, Um, as energy and I want good and sufficient energy of the form that is nutritious for me. Um, I want some options available by doing that. It, it changed my gut. It changed that incurable disease into something very different. I needed to shift to from, from food being, um, an unimportant part to being like it nourishes my thriving.

[00:58:59] And my well being and that’s that’s that’s part of the skill. And I’d like to take our seven minute break. Does that work for you? Come back. Do a little more tapping. All right, we’re going to pause the recording and be back. If you’re on the replay. I invite you to take a pause to recording. Welcome back.

[00:59:26] Someone mentioned, and we’ll get to the specifics here in a minute, um, onward for me is, is not like onward. It’s not, um, you project yourself, you push yourself, you, you head in that direction as an active force. Um, so this is a little subtle. Um, if someone is feeling big emotions, if I’m feeling big, deep emotions, I’ll start tapping, because what do I need to do as a human sometimes when I’m feeling big feelings?

[01:00:05] I’m wanting to regulate myself so that I’m here now, pulled away into the past or the future. I want to be with, oh gosh, I’ve got these really big feelings and there’s power in them. I want to be with them now. The onwards is, if you imagine a flow of energy, because we are a flow of energy, where is it wanting to move?

[01:00:35] Now, I believe that there’s kind of the default way that it wants to move. And there’s, um, as, as we acknowledge, I’ve got these big feelings about this Situation or I just have big feelings. I don’t even know where they’re come from right at the moment. Um, if we tune into what matters to us, we’re not trying to force the energy to get us to go to the grocery store.

[01:01:08] There are other ways that we can use our cheap, but in this, for this particular skill, the onward says, if my energy is moving in a way that supports my thriving, what is. Where is it moving? What’s the direction? So I will say, if I try to force myself to do something, I’ll get a lot of deep, big feelings.

[01:01:37] Like, you know, that’s the physical expression of it, right? But I, even if I’m calm, if I look calm, I’ve got this going on inside. If I’m with Well, you know, this doesn’t, I don’t feel free right here. Tap, tap, tap. And this energy wants to move toward freedom. Oh, I don’t have to. So I just let go of the old story of, I have to, I have to do it now.

[01:02:07] I have to do it fast. I have to do it because, um, There’s an old energy, and when have to energy comes into me, it goes through what, you know, I value freedom so much. Right now, I’m value, I value freedom so much. Where does this energy want to move? And that’s where the onwards can feel like your yes, your body yes, going in a way that feels more free.

[01:02:34] Um, I think it’s wonderful when people have a lot of resistance to have tos.

[01:02:46] If it is truly a have to, and you’re going to, you’re, if the train is coming and you’re standing on the tracks, I have to, we’ll usually get you off the track kind of thing. Um, when it comes to thriving, we can manufacture. Um, have twos that aren’t really and will stay kind of stuck in that pattern of, Oh, I have to do this, or I should do that, you know, actually, I’m not going to, uh, you know, and if it’s, if it stays in that rebellion, that’s, that’s an old pattern.

[01:03:25] It’s, it’s very human, um, By bringing in, and right now, that energy wants to move toward replenishment. That energy wants to move toward choice. That’s the onwards. It’s not necessarily a doing. It is a perception and an awareness that as energy flows in you and to you and through you, the onwards now, I’m noticing the energy is moving onwards toward, toward more choice, toward more replenishment, toward more authenticity.

[01:04:06] I think, yeah, I love that. Um, and I do think we get really caught up in the have to need to scared feeling. I like to try to turn it around. So like, if I’m feeling anxious, instead of using that energy to try to force myself. Through it to the other side. If I can slow down and be with that feeling for a minute, feeling just want to be felt and not acknowledged.

[01:04:28] And so if we can just, okay, I’m feeling anxious. What does that feel like in my body? What are the thoughts I have in the head, my head? What are my emotions that are coming up? If I can just be with them and breathe with them. Oh, I’m feeling tingling through my body. My fingers feel numb. I’m breathing a little faster.

[01:04:45] My thoughts are, there’s something dangerous is going to happen. I have to go, but I can’t go. I feel trapped or whatever it is. Just some gentle tapping on the points as you’re actually feeling the feelings can help it. You know, not trying to make them go away. I think that’s our natural reaction is I want to make these feelings go away.

[01:05:04] I mean, they’re going to push them down into my body. I’m going to shove them aside. I’m going to distract myself. And instead, like, can I give them some space? Can I just be with them? And it takes some courage to do it. It does not feel good to feel with those feelings, but when we give them some space to be felt, often it’s much easier to move to the other side.

[01:05:24] Again, the odd thing is we want to move to the other side, but to be with them without trying to change them is a skill. It’s an odd skill, but when we can do that, I’m sometimes surprised at how quickly, but even really intense feelings can move to the other side. Like, oh, I really feel like I have to do this for work.

[01:05:42] I’m putting all this pressure. I feel trapped. I’m terrified of doing this. It’s, oh, it feels awful. I feel it in my, you know, I feel it in my heart. I feel it in my, my toes are tingling. My breath is too fast. And actually I’m really safe right now. And, yeah. I’m not going to get fired if I do, don’t do this one thing.

[01:06:01] I could tell them I got busy. Um, I could tell them I wasn’t feeling well. I’m not feeling well. So that’s totally the truth. Like, and just being with it, it’s sometimes I come out the other side. I’m like, Oh my God, I feel stronger. I feel like a pocket of toxic energy was processed and moved through. And it’s not part of me anymore.

[01:06:23] It doesn’t mean I’ll never get anxious. I’ll have the skillset. Even if we do something once. We start building the muscles for doing it better in the future. When I first was working with Rick doing tapping, I was working on old traumas. I would finish the session and I would be exhausted. I would sometimes have to take the afternoon off from work or the next day off from work.

[01:06:45] It was so intense. And then it got so, Oh, I would be a couple hours tired. And then it would be like, Oh, here’s 10 minutes where I feel like I need to rest, but I’m okay. Like my system got stronger at it. at clearing things out, and it just got easier and easier for me to move a lot of energy. So I invite you, like, if you’re feeling these feelings that you don’t want to feel, just like, if you can, await.

[01:07:09] I’m going to just actually be with them and not try to make them move. I’m actually going to try to keep them here, but they won’t. You know, it’s the opposite. When we’re trying to push them away, we’re kind of trapped with them, but we kind of, like, embrace them and just breathe with them and maybe do a little tapping.

[01:07:23] It’s surprising how quickly they dissipate. So if that’s something that you want for yourself, I don’t know that anyone ever never feels. Like people were talking about, I just want to, I would love to fill my life where I can just go to the grocery store or whatever and not be afraid. I don’t know if anyone ever doesn’t feel afraid.

[01:07:42] Some people may not. Show it. They’re used to being very extroverted and looking like they have it together. I think all humans feel afraid at some time. Unless they have some kind of wiring that’s weird in their head. So, it’s just natural for us to feel afraid sometimes. But pausing and being with the fear of the fear, being with the feelings around the fear, can quickly, it moves it quicker than if we’re trying to fight it and pretend we’re not afraid.

[01:08:07] As soon as I pretend, my system knows I’m lying, and it thinks I’m lying about something that must be dangerous, otherwise why am I lying about it? And it’s just this loop. As soon as I admit something, it’s like, oh. Maybe that’s not so scary. Maybe I can handle it. So if that’s useful, I invite you to give it a test.

[01:08:26] You don’t have to do it for hours. Just like, I’m going to be with us for five seconds. I’m going to breathe with it for five seconds. I’m going to stop. And then maybe I’ll breathe with it for five seconds more. Um, and then maybe you’re 30 seconds or whatever it is that it needs, but it’s surprising how fast embracing an emotion can help it leave the opposite of what most people would think.

[01:08:51] Um, someone shared, I think, uh, A great example for this skill from for me. Um, I can relate to wanting to wake up each day and be happy and be able to be scared at the prospect of what’s going to happen today. I envy people who wake up and think, Yay, another day. How exciting. Um, I only know one person that actually wakes up my, my boy.

[01:09:14] Um, he, he, he wakes up with a kind of eagerness for the day. That doesn’t apply to me. Definitely doesn’t apply to my partner. Doesn’t apply to Adira either. She’s kind of like half asleep and like stumbling along. I come in to get Adira and she often just puts her head under the pillow and yells something at me to go away.

[01:09:40] And she’s three and a half, right? So like, you know, um, so I’m, I can really relate to envying people who seem more eager to hear. Right. Like they’re naturally eager. Um, they naturally seem to be like, you know, like they’re the, we’re having a party. Oh my gosh. I love it. Um, and, uh, so for me now, if, if I take that through this process, what it looked like for me was the tapping on, you know, even though I wish I was different, I’m not.

[01:10:23] Um, uh, even though there’s a part of me that is needing something else, and I’m not exactly sure what it is,

[01:10:36] what I would, what I, what I value now for myself is a qual, is acceptance and finding what would help me thrive. Even though envying them is not helping me thrive, and I see myself as being less than, that’s a sucky feeling, I, I’m rising to the challenge of finding what works for me. And that’s the, that’s the onwards.

[01:11:10] It’s a challenge of rising into something that will work for your thriving. Um, we know in emotional freedom work that acceptance is one of those things. If, if I’m in, in envy and I can definitely get there, um, houses still do that for me at times.

[01:11:33] What do I do in order to come back into now? Well, acknowledge it, admit it. It’s not so bad. Yeah, yeah, I’m different. Um, and then the onwards for me is I value adapting and acknowledging and accepting and finding what works for me. Um, I was, I was really hating. Days here for a little bit and I would wake up and I’d be like what is going on waking up at five o’clock in the morning.

[01:12:07] I know me that one of the first things I must do is sit and kind of connect within my body. I need to kind of scan the energy of the world. Like this is an essential for me. I’m an I’m empathic pretty broadly. And during my dream state, I need to kind of come back into my skin is fear, but also be like reading not.

[01:12:31] Proctologically, but just like, Hey, how’s the vibe of my house? How’s the vibe of my neighborhood? How’s the vibe of my region and the broader world? Are there some echoes and things that are allowed? Okay. Yes, there are. I don’t even know what they all are. That’s an essential for me. I will not look forward to the day until I’ve done it.

[01:12:54] I can do it in two minutes or 30 minutes. Sometimes it varies. Um, where I land then is. Okay, I was, uh, it’s summertime here. And, um, what I needed in order to feel deep, deep, um, respect for the precious life of this day is to go out early idea, like to get outside, go for a walk, but it’s not just, I need to go for a walk.

[01:13:31] If I, if I do that, Rick will not be nourished by the walk. It is like, oh, Yeah, this is a part of me waking up my chi. This is a part of me waking up my connection to nature when it’s cool out. And, um, it’s, it’s essential for me to wake up my chi, not just wake up, Like, oh, I’m awake. That’s where I grab the phone and switch from sleep mode to awake mode.

[01:14:01] That does not mean I’m awake. That does not mean my chi is, is rick, rick, rickified yet. Um, and, and having that onwards, like, oh, I, I want to, I’m, I’m developing deeper savvy. with my morning chi. Um, I’m developing deeper savvy with my afternoon chi. I’m developing deeper savvy with my evening chi. Um, we are cyclical beings.

[01:14:31] We’re seasonal, we’re climate, we’re, um, lunar. We, we have these cycles. And, um, to, to acknowledge there’s a part of us that just Kind of black and white compares and another part that we can say, well, embracing the new is part of accepting that waking up my chi, nourishing my chi, circulating my life force, getting in connection to something that feels meaningful to me about being alive.

[01:15:03] Um, I, I don’t view days, my, I’m not an excited for the day kind of person. I’m just not that’s not my personality. Um, I am a this is a precious day. I’m grateful. It’s a good look for me if I can put that on. This is a precious day precious day in my life. And I don’t know what it’s going to bring when I’m activating my my life force to be able to meet it.

[01:15:35] And find it rewarding to meet today’s challenges. Um, there’s a, someone sent me a, a, a DM that we don’t have time to go into depth on it. But I’d love to lead a tapping because I think it’s, it’s useful for the, the direct message and also for people here. Karate chat, even though I have a lot of shoulds about how I should feel and behave.

[01:16:01] Even though I have a lot of shoulds about how I should feel and behave. I think I shouldn’t have these, some of these emotions. I think I shouldn’t have some of these emotions. They don’t show them on TV. They don’t show them on TV unless they’re being ridiculed. Yeah. I feel like I should be different. I feel like I should be different.

[01:16:24] And that puts a lot of pressure on me. It puts immense pressure on me. And then keeps me stuck. And then keeps me stuck. On top of that, I don’t like the feelings I’m feeling. I don’t like the feelings I’m feeling. I brought, I shouldn’t feel these feelings. I shouldn’t feel these feelings, should I? Side of the eye.

[01:16:47] They scare me because they’re so intense. They scare me because they’re so intense. Under the eye, so I push them away. Or push them away. Under the nose. Sometimes I lash out. Sometimes I lash out. Chin at myself and at others. At myself and others. Collarbone, because I shouldn’t be having these feelings. As I shouldn’t be having these feelings.

[01:17:12] Under the arm. When I should on myself. When I should on myself. Top of the head. I’m just layering judgment on top of a negative feeling. I’m just laying more judgment on top of a negative feeling. No wonder it’s so intense. No wonder it’s so intense. Side of the eye. Some of these feelings belong to things that happened in the past.

[01:17:36] These feelings belong to things that happened in the past. Under the eye. They’re cryouts for help and healing. They’re cryouts for help and healing. Under the nose, and sometimes I’m really just overwhelmed in the present. And sometimes you’re just overwhelmed in the present. Tim, maybe I need a safe word with myself and my loved ones.

[01:18:00] Maybe I need a safe word with myself and my loved ones. Collarbone, I’m feeling really overwhelmed, give me five minutes or I might blow up. I’m feeling really overwhelmed, give me five minutes or I might blow up. Under the arm, and I still, yeah, and I still love you. Nice to love you. Top of the head, I’m open to finding new compassion for all the things I feel.

[01:18:24] I’m open to finding new compassion for all the things I feel. And better ways to handle them. And better ways to handle them. Just take a nice, deep breath. None of this is simple. It’s not easy, even. But I think the more compassion we have for ourselves, it doesn’t mean we get to lash out at people around us all the time.

[01:18:48] But I do. Oh, I’m feeling really overwhelmed. I’m feeling trapped. I’m also blaming myself. It’s all this pressure bomb. It, you know, I’m blowing up. I think once we start seeing that there’s room for healing and then just doing whatever, breathing, tapping, telling people around us, Hey, I’m having a rough day, I might be snappy.

[01:19:08] So let’s, if I feel snappy, I’m going to say snapping turtle. And that means just leave me alone for a few minutes if you can. Um, and I’m just going to go be snapping turtle by myself for three or five minutes and, and then I’ll come back and we can talk about it. Like there’s. None of this again is simple, but it’s worth working on different ways.

[01:19:27] We can kind of mitigate some of the pain we’re feeling and the ways we’re, we’re cause all of us can hurt someone around us when we’re, we’re feeling like a snapping turtle. It’s just, you know, I feel like I shouldn’t be anxious. I feel anxious. I feel like I shouldn’t be overwhelmed. I feel overwhelmed.

[01:19:43] Like humans do this, but we can kind of, we can, Learn to be more gentle. So we’re not adding more pressure on top of what we’re feeling more judgment. And we can also tell the people around us, like I’m having a snapping turtle moment and I, you know, I’m just going to go take a walk in the park and sit on the porch for a couple of minutes and breathe and tap, and it’s probably better for you to stay away from the snapping turtle.

[01:20:06] Um, that might give someone like a giggle and a way to like understand that it’s not necessarily about them and also a way not to dump it on them because then I feel more guilty and then I beat myself up even more, which is a cycle. So hopefully that helps a little bit. Um, I just want to thank you all for being here today to like, this is a tough, it’s a complex subject.

[01:20:25] It’s not like, oh, we’re just going to solve everything in 30 minutes and go on. But the more we understand these thoughts and these processes and possible solutions and try them on kind of flex the muscle, like, Oh, I tried that. That didn’t work in that situation, but I bet if I modify it a little bit or I get some support or whatever, we start having exit strategies, ways to, we know we can work through these things and figure out what we want to keep, what we want to let go, what we want to modify and having that freedom, like was Rick was talking about, like when we.

[01:20:56] We have the freedom, Oh, I’m putting all this pressure on myself to finish this or to do this perfectly or to live, feel this way. No wonder I feel trapped and upset. Here’s a different way I can do it. That is emotional freedom. Yeah. Thank you, Cathy. Yeah. Thank you all for being here. You really, you really highlighted the, you take something that’s an old pattern and doesn’t necessarily mean that it releases all at once, but you say, you know, now what matters to me is.

[01:21:29] And look at it, or at least try to look at it with compassion for myself and others and adapt in ways that are, that are true for me and to explore that as I move onwards. And so much rises from that for all of us when, when we do that, our sense of humor or sense of vulnerability feels empowered. Yeah.

[01:21:57] Yeah. So we continue onwards. Appreciate all of you. Thank you for the kind words glad that this was helpful, and that you’ll be listening to it repeatedly someone said, Yeah. All right. Thank you. Bye for now. All day. Thank you, Cathy. ​

Great to have you on this journey with us!

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