Real Skills Workshop - Community Event
Navigating Emotional Limits
Real Skills Workshop: Savvy Relating & Engaging
Hosts: Rick Wilkes (@Rick) and Cathy Vartuli (@Cathy)
Recorded Tue Jul 25 2023
Replay is below
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[**Limited?!? Yes, we’re human. We have physical limits and emotional ones, too. How do we navigate this reality?
Replay is below
Let’s go to the gym together! But not to “work out.”
There are tools there to explore the limits of our strength. How much can you lift? How many times? If I put “all the weight” on the bar, can you even budge it?
Not me!
See, I’m human, and I know I have a limit to how much my physical body can lift, hold, and put down. Go beyond that limit and I either CAN’T… or it hurts me.
Guess what! Emotionally it’s the SAME. We have emotional limits. We can handle a certain emotional heaviness – but not the whole stack of emotional burdens. And definitely not the whole world.
How do we know our limits, accept them as human, and know and accept the limits of other humans we relate to?
Such good questions. Worthy questions for those of us who crave emotional freedom.
To get stronger with physical weight means having a plan to build resilience, power, and recovery. Same with emotional strength. Navigating limits is a good and proper practice. We take small steps, and become ever more savvy in when to pause, give space, and recover before engaging again.
Cathy and I are really curious to explore these edges with you! Will you join us for this Real Skills Workshop?
Replay is below
A Real Skills Workshop for: Savvy Relating and Engaging
Appreciate You! Our inbox is open!
With love,
Rick & Cathy ~ ThrivingNow
Your Emotional Freedom Coaches
Schedule private sessions here
P.S. Adira says, “It’s true, I can only leap so far. Doesn’t stop me from splashing and laughing though! (And it’s okay to wear a helmet, too, for protection).”
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[**Like a rain barrel, we humans are “containers” of energy. We can run empty… we can overflow. How do we navigate this with savvy and grace?
Dang! It’s empty!
Woah! Stop! It’s overflowing all over everything!!
Whether a rain barrel or a sink or a toilet… we understand the concept of something being empty… and the same thing having the potential to overflow even minutes later.
Surprise! We humans are containers, too. We can be depleted until we feel empty and dry, and we can be flooded to the point we’re sloshing all over everything and everyone.
Every “container” has a limit. Vast rivers can overrun their banks. Everest has a peak. The ocean has a floor.
Everyone I love (including the dude in the mirror) has limits – many different limits when it comes to emotions.
How much anger can you feel before the fire bursts out (or burns through your adrenals)? How much grief and loss does it take for your barrel to pour over with tears and sobbing?
Can you take a certain amount of disappointment in a day, drawing against your reserves… and then it hits bottom?
I can take a wee bit of small talk and then whatever tank I have for that is drained dry. You?
As much as I adore and crave freedom, I can flood myself with choices if I do not tend to my limits. Indeed, I can flood others with options, too… in the interest of freedom of choice, of course, but it is more savvy to recognize that some menus are just “too long.”
Cathy and I will be exploring this with the circle. You’re invited!
Our intention is that we “normalize and accept” that we all have limits, and people relating together are navigating a complex interaction of limits. To be savvy in relating and engaging means to be aware of, respectful, and even excited to explore our range.
Replay is below
A Real Skills Workshop for: Savvy Relating and Engaging
With love,
Rick & Cathy ~ ThrivingNow
Your Emotional Freedom Coaches
Schedule private sessions here
P.S. Adira says, “I’m limited here! I can’t go straight up. I can’t go straight down. Of course, I’m savvy enough to know I’m far from trapped…”
Navigating Emotional Limits - Workshop Replay
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Navigating Emotional Limits
[00:00:00] Navigating emotional limits. This is a real skills workshop on savvy, relating and engaging.
[00:00:07] And, you know, I don’t like that I have limits, but I’m human. And one of the things that helps me with one of my limits is being able to co-create. So, like, co-creating for me creates more capacity. I still have a limit and getting to do it.
[00:00:28] This, uh, workshop with Cathy Vartuli from the Intimacy Dojo and Thriving now is something that really helps me. So thank you for expanding my capacity and reach here, Kathy. Oh, my honor and pleasure. It does the same for me. I’m someone who loves collaborating. Um, and I think that one of the things we, we can do is we get savvy.
[00:00:52] And when young people are young, they often don’t feel like there’s any limits. They can do anything. And especially I see teenage boys that don’t like to gender, but in general, the testosterone and societal pressures or whatever, they, they act like there’s no limit. They can do anything. They’re like, don’t have any concept of death.
[00:01:10] And as we get older, it’s like, oh, we do have limits, but we can be savvy about them and we can ex, we can actually find ways like collaboration or other ways that we can get a lot done in a much more safe and savvy and relationship friendly way than we might’ve had when we were younger. So I’m really excited if, if you’re, you know, the people showing up here live and the people listening later, um, because you’re looking at something in a different way than a lot of people do, you’re questioning the, the everyday flow of life.
[00:01:40] And I think that’s just an amazing thing to do. So I, my, the geek in me bows to the geek in you, I’m not sure that’s that nos day. Maybe it’s geek tte or something. Well, we do things different. Um, and I think that’s part of emotional freedom for all, and particularly to maximize our sense of safety, respect and freedom in ourselves and in relationship with others that, um, I.
[00:02:05] The limits are something that, uh, there are a lot of parties that want to ignore human limits, for example. Um, bosses can, can say, you know, if I ignore that person’s limit, their normal limit, I can push them, I can put pressure on them, I can create a fear of losing a job or something like that. Well, that’s a bit like I have a vehicle and the law says there’s five seat belts.
[00:02:38] So the capacity is five people. Now you gotta be pretty, um, willing to be squished, let’s say, to sit in the middle seat of the backseat. But you know what? If we needed to evacuate, I could fit 11 people in that vehicle. They’d be very friendly, but they’d be fit in that car. I, I really could fit 11 people in that vehicle.
[00:03:06] And so what’s the limit? Is the limit five? Well, four is comfortable, five is squished. You can do that. Um, I use it a lot of times just with one person, uh, on a full tank of gas. There’s a limit. Um, and you know, even if I could take 11 people, I wouldn’t necessarily be able to take 11 tons of rock, for example.
[00:03:31] The tires would blow out, the axles would crack and things like that. You know, when we think about a house or a a car or other things that we have, we know that there are limits. You can overwhelm your computer and be telling it to do too many things at once. It reaches its limit. It. It gasps. It overheats, it does certain things before it does that, but it has a limit.
[00:03:57] So as a human being, um, we can think about physical limits, like our physical strength, our capacity and things like that. Um, our specialty as a circle, as a community is to look at the emotional limits as well, because it’s physio emotional. I got up at four o’clock. Okay? I had a nap. That’s great. Um, but 4:00 AM get up with a sick daughter.
[00:04:24] I’ve used some of my capacity now by tending to myself and co-creating. Like if this was a workshop that I was, uh, needing to do on my own, I would’ve rescheduled it by the fact that I could sync up with Kathy. And we have a lot of history and trust. Guess what? Um, I may reach a limit. I give myself that.
[00:04:48] That option to reach an energetic limit, um, and even call it an early night. But, um, I want all of us to walk with a skill because I don’t think it’s ever gonna be like, maybe for some people they completely abra embrace, I have limits. But for people that grow, you know, when you grow in skill, you’ve got more capacity, you’ve got different limits.
[00:05:20] But then on a day where you’re kind of tired, your limits are not gonna feel very expansive. They may feel kind of squished. Um, I want us to be able to recognize where our limits are, especially as we get to the edges, um, to accept our limits, make it easier to accept the limits of others, and then be able to adapt.
[00:05:41] Inside of ourself with our own guidance as well as in savvy relating with others. Yeah. Think it’s, how does that strike you? Kathy’s, I, I love what you shared and, uh, using the car analogy, I think boundaries would be easier to accept if there was say, like a limiter on our car. Like if, you know, there’s some cars that, like if you work for a corporation, they, they literally will not go over 55 miles an hour.
[00:06:04] And that’s the limit. And if your boss is like, you need to get here faster. I’m like, you put that limiter on, like, there’s nothing I can do. There’s a hard and fast limiter that’s there in that particular car in our individual lives though. There isn’t, there’s, like Rick says, there’s, could be like you had a, a, a sick baby or, um, you know, the dishwasher broke or something.
[00:06:24] You know, like things are happening in your life that are also pulling from the same reserves. And the other side of that is we have a built-in emergency hatch. Yeah. Our survival brain can actually, in a crisis, we can do much more than we think we can. People have the, the stories many people have heard about, like a mom lifting the car off her kid.
[00:06:44] They’re true. That can happen if the, the survival brain is activated in the right way, we are stronger or we can do things. Or if our boss is scaring us into, you will lose your job if you don’t do this. We can may do a heroic act, but the problem is, I think our culture and our corporate culture especially tends to think we should be driving in that red zone all the time.
[00:07:07] Some people do and we can’t. Our systems literally, it’s like Rick’s car. If you put three tons of gra of, of gravel in it to go someplace, it’s wearing it. It’s it’s tearing it, it’s breaking it down. Yeah. And it’s great that we can do these heroic acts. The survival brain is amazing that it can, you can like kick in and help us do something that we wouldn’t normally be able to do.
[00:07:30] And we also get to understand that, hey, that was a heroic act and I might need some self-care. And that’s not my new limit. That’s a once in a while kind of thing. So I think it’s hard for us because we wanna seem very confident, we wanna seem as capable as everyone around us. We wanna have the status of being a go-to person that can get things done.
[00:07:50] Some of us do. And we’ve seen, oh, I did. I worked 20 hours, I got all that done. I save the day. Why can’t I work 20 hours the next day? Why am I only wanting to work three hours and then curl up in the corner and suck my thumb for a while? Like, what’s wrong with me? And there’s that self-talk that we give ourselves that can really what’s wrong with me?
[00:08:11] Yeah. Okay. So we use a tool called the Ft Tapping. Um, we’re about to jump right in. If you’re new to tapping, thriving now, dot com slash tapping is a place to find that guide. It’s free, uh, we have a full course on it. Um, but you can follow along. Repeat the words. Um, you’ll notice that Kathy and I echo back and forth between us.
[00:08:31] You’re on mute, so, um, you can do the same thing. Um, so there’s this energy of I should, um, and the chat is open as well, so if you have a should about a limit like I have, you know, I should be able to bop, bop, bop. Um, that would be good to add to the workshop. That’s one of the ways that we, uh, We do that is we take input from our live audience and adapt, uh, where we’re going and the things that we focus on.
[00:09:01] Um, and if you’re watching the replay, hi, welcome. Um, and you can put that in the, um, the comment area and share that, and we can explore that together too. So shoulds. I should be able to, I should always be able to, I must be able to. Do you wanna lead us in a tapping for some of that around limits? Yeah. I invite everyone, if you can, let your, let yourself just come here and now Rick has created the circle and I’m supporting it.
[00:09:34] We’re all here actually contributing to it. Just let yourself feel the love and connection and the compassion we each bring, the questioning we each bring. Let yourself be here and now, if the fa, if you have Facebook or social media open, I invite you to close it. The cats will still be there later. Um, give yourself this time, let yourself be here and now and just take a breath and notice your butt in the chair.
[00:10:00] One of the biggest blocks I see to people making improvements in their life and changing patterns is the should, that we should able be able to multitask. We should be able to, to keep track of a lot of different things. This is really sacred space, and we invite you to just bring all of your attention here.
[00:10:18] Let yourself be in the space nurtured. Let the cells of your body be nurtured by the energy here. Give yourself a place where you don’t have to be rushing, using adrenaline, multitasking, trying to get everything done before bed. Let yourself just be here and experience kind of bask in this healing energy that it’s a really loving thing that’s that’s created here.
[00:10:40] And we want you here. We think you deserve to be healed. We think you deserve to be loved and have a chance to. Clear out some of the noise that’s going on in your life because life is really hard when we rush through it and there’s all this noise, and then sometimes we rush all the way right to the grave and we’re like, where did my life go?
[00:11:01] And I think life is in those moments where we can slow down and just be with ourselves and with the people around us. And this is a great place to practice. So take one more nice deep breath and let’s just start tapping. We’re starting the karate chop point. Even though I should do a lot more than I do, even though I should do a lot more than I do, they all say so.
[00:11:27] They all say so. I say so. I say so. Maybe I’ve been wrong, huh? Maybe I’ve been wrong. Even though I should multitask all the time. Even though I should multitask all the time. I should work 20 hours a day. I should work 20 hours a. And still fit in a workout. And still fit in a workout and clean the house.
[00:11:53] And clean the house and sleep and take care of the kids. I’m gonna cry. I’ve reached my limit. Even though I tell myself all those shoulds, even though I tell myself all those shoulds, what if someone tricked me? What if someone tricked me? Ooh. And I’m not actually supposed to do all those things and I’m not actually supposed to do all of those things top of the head.
[00:12:21] Corporate culture loves people that multitask. Corporate culture loves people who multitask eyebrow, and they’d love it if I wanna work 20 hours a day and they love it. If I wanna work 20 hours a day and get paid side of the eye, yeah, side of the eye, but that’s not gonna ensure I keep my job. But that is not going to ensure that I keep my job under the eye.
[00:12:43] It’s not gonna ensure I keep my health. It’s definitely not going to ensure I keep my health under the nose or the relationships that matter to me or the relationships that matter to me. Chin, there’s lots of shoulds about what I need to do every day. There are lots of shoulds about what I need to do every day, collarbone.
[00:13:06] And what if I realize my body is an organic organic bean? What if I realize my body is an organic being under the arm that has more or less energy? Some days that definitely has more or less energy some days top of the head. What if I just start with what is what if I start with what is I brow rather than what should be rather than what should be side of the eye?
[00:13:33] How much energy do I have right now? Huh? How much energy do I have right now? And what flavors under the eye? How much interest do I have in this? How much interest do I have in this under the nose? What if I could align my energy and my interest? What if I could align my energy and my interest? Chin acknowledging that there’s probably a few things I need to do every day.
[00:14:02] Acknowledging there are things I need to do every day, collarbone. And what if I was kinder to myself and I want to be kinder to myself? And what if I could toss some of these shoulds away? What if I could toss some of these shoulds away, top of the head and find a new organic balance and find a new organic balance?
[00:14:27] Just take a breath and just notice how you feel. You may have your survival brain may, for some people it might be going danger, danger. No, no, no. I have to run, I have to push. And some people might be going, oh, that could feel really good. But I’m not sure. Like we often we’re in very different, we have mixed feelings inside about something like this because we have been rewarded and conditioned to do a lot to get achieve, to get the kudos and the pats on the back for like, oh my God, you got all that done.
[00:14:56] There’s a lot of reward for people around that. And yet it doesn’t actually make life more fulfilling unless we’ve really aligned where do I want to use my energy? Is this aligned with what I want to create in the world? And we do have to like pay taxes and I don’t like paying taxes. I’m sure most people don’t.
[00:15:14] There are some like infrastructure things in the world that we kind of just. That’s part of dealing with it. Maybe we can find easier ways to do it or tap on the resistance, but, you know, we’re not saying that everything is gonna be eating bonbons on the couch, but letting go of some of the shoulds that came along for the ride from our parents and from our teachers and from people around us that just been floating in our, in our internal computer and running us.
[00:15:40] That can be very powerful.
[00:15:45] Which you point to, I think one of the profound skills that we’re working on as a community here. So if I should it on myself to come and do the workshop tonight. Um, and I think that there was at least some of that in the background. I’m noticing inside of myself that, that tapping on shoulds, there was a little bit of e you know, trying to boost my, boost my energy from a should.
[00:16:16] Yeah. Now, now I’ll be, I’ll be honest, if you had said, well, do you really desire to do this workshop tonight? I would’ve said, no. Desire is not my come from it often is, but I was at a number of limits from what I tended to today. My tank was started off the day, less than a half a tank. Um, and it was down pretty much.
[00:16:52] But the cool thing about emotional range is that you don’t just have one tank. Okay? So like my tank of desire and eagerness, meh, actually. You have to kind of force me if I’m gonna try to use what’s in there, but my desire to be with my community and to relax into co-creating, to get to explore. Um, I love being of service.
[00:17:28] I’ve been in my tank. My limit around service right now is like, I don’t have a lot of extra capacity. So my, my come from tonight is, is coming from my heart, like a desire to see you all on the screen, to feel connected to my tribe across the world. Um, to get, to spend an hour and a half with, with Kathy, my, my best friend and co-creator.
[00:18:01] Um, to be in an adult space like my, you know, um,
[00:18:10] So it’s, it’s one of the things that I want us to consider is a lot of times we say, well, I just don’t have the energy for that. Um, that may be true from the tank that you’re looking at that may be empty or depleted. You’ve hit your lower limit, the fuel light is on, you could still get somewhere, but it’s, it’s, you’re, you’re, you’re protecting it.
[00:18:39] Um, and I am not suggesting this as a strategy to get, because you should do more and you should do things. Um, I’m wanting to, to have the ecosystem as a part of this, like, um, you know, someone said I should be able to be consistent well, I have a, I have a little tiny tank of consistency, like, so it’s, it’s precious to me and I can pull it out and I can be consistent about things sometimes.
[00:19:15] Um, I consistently show up on time for the most part, um, for clients and, um, activities and things like that. So there’s, there’s a consistency tank, but if you said, I, I should be able to be consistent all the time, here’s what I look at. Like, that tank has gotten bigger in the last thousand days by being consistent with Duolingo learning Spanish and my Morning Mile.
[00:19:39] So I’m about up to a thousand days on. I’m over a thousand days. Un one about, so like little bits of consistency, which I’ve tapped on, like all the things that have come up all the times. Um, it’s not a have to, it’s a want to. So my consistency tank has gotten bigger. I, I want to acknowledge that our capacity.
[00:20:01] Grows can grow through this work by clearing out shoulds. It’s like taking a rock out. Like I should be consistent. You might as well pour concrete into my little precious container of, of capacity to be consistent. Shoulds are like that. Big piles of should inside that capacity. If I clear out the shoulds, what am I doing?
[00:20:26] Well, I’m recognizing I don’t have that much. I’m not by nature a consistent person. I’m more freedom spontaneous. Does that make sense? Um, so if I recognize about myself, what’s the next thing? It’s like, oh, but people would love it if I was more consistent and blah, blah, blah. I would love to be able to wa wa you know, I clear that out through acceptance and this is, this is how I might tap on that.
[00:20:56] I. Even though by nature I am not the most consistent person, even though by nature I’m not the most consistent person, I’ve met some consistent people, I’ve met some consistent people. Uh, I’m more spontaneous. I’m more spontaneous. I really value freedom in my schedule. I really value freedom in my schedule and my choices and my choices.
[00:21:21] I accept that on the spectrum of consistency. I accept that on the spectrum of consistency, I’m not the most consistent person. I’m not the most consistent person, and I deeply and completely accept myself anyway, and I deeply and completely accept myself anyway, top head, but I wanna be consistent. I wanna be consistent eyebrow.
[00:21:45] They wanted me to be consistent. They wanted me to be consistent. They wanted me to be consistent. They wanted me to be consistent. I do value consistency. I devalue consistency. I’m no longer repulsed by consistency. I’m no longer repulsed by consistency then. And I want a little more capacity. I want a little more capacity.
[00:22:10] And maybe taking the shoulds out will help with that capacity and maybe taking the shoulds out will help with that capacity. Ooh. I already feel like I have more capacity. I already feel like I have more capacity. Ah.
[00:22:29] So like you recognize something in yourself. What is the first step in emotional freedom? It’s not the first required step. You don’t have to do it this way, but like, I find that if I recognize something, I try to build up my acceptance of who I am, where I am, how I feel, how I behave, as long as I’m not violating and harm, actively harming someone else.
[00:22:57] Like that, I think falls into a, okay, that must change for me to live with integrity. But if consistency, it’s part of our neurodiversity, it’s part of our diversity of human design and, and, and personality and all the unique things that bring us there. Um, someone said, I should just take it now. I have met therapists that you can scream in their face the most personal, insulting, horrific things, including threats to their person, their family.
[00:23:37] And do you know what? Energetically as an energetically sensitive person, this isn’t even getting to them. They are like the Buddha witness of this play. Right? They’re, they’re, they’re present, but they’re utterly UNM mood. That ain’t me. Okay.
[00:24:03] Yeah. And so if you should just take it, how do you want to be? Like, are there things that you can take maybe like I, there are definitely some things I can take. It’s bigger than my consistency, but it’s not like some of the superhero, they can take anything no matter how. Um, energetically discordant. It can also be useful to look at where did I learn this rule?
[00:24:31] Because it may have been apparent that was very emotionally inconsistent. Wanted us to just take that. They want, you know, like, did I learn this from something I desire for myself? Or is this something Because people around us do want us to be consistent and easy and all these things, like, we should be able to work hard.
[00:24:51] We should, they, they should on us because they have those desires. Um, but. Was it really in our best interest to take it? Or was it, you know, a wish or desire of, uh, someone of power in our, in our world that wanted us to just take it so they didn’t have to learn to self-regulate or do their own work? So I think finding that out can be really, really useful or kind of going, is this something I actually want for me or is this something I learned the should that was kind of dropped into my soup when I was little and I, I just kept carrying it around.
[00:25:25] And I think that can be really helpful because when shoulds come from, um, especially, uh, external ones, but internal ones, I find them very rigid. They’re like a driving kind of like, you’re going this way. And they’re often, at least in my mind, and I’m curious if other people notice there’s a lot of un, un unconscious.
[00:25:44] So maybe just subconscious. Other shoulds, I should do it. I should take it. I should be able to take it and I should be there, calm and grounded, and my clothes should be all nice and I should be like, look serene. Like there’s a lot of other shoulds in there that keep me from playing or you know, like someone’s screaming at me and maybe I make faces.
[00:26:03] Like, what would you know? I don’t. There’s no room for play when I have these shoulds going on, and I think one of the other things that makes it very hard for us to deal with it and they suck our energy, is because we’re in direct conflict with these shoulds about pushing ourselves. It’s in direct conflict with our survival brain, which always wants to conserve some energy.
[00:26:27] Our survival brain knows, we don’t know what’s coming down the pike. Like we could exhaust herself with our kid and then our mom calls that night with some dastardly news or needs some emotional support or the, you know, the, the smoke starts coming outta the washing machine or whatever. Like, we don’t know what’s coming next.
[00:26:44] And our survival brain is geared to a time where that could be a lion in the, in our den or, you know, something that would really have to life or death thing. So our shoulds of, I should push myself, I should be able to take it. I should be able to just drive myself right to the. To depletion is in direct conflict with our survival brain, which is like conserve some energy.
[00:27:05] We don’t know what we’re gonna need to do tonight or later when we’re in that kind of conflict. There’s a lot of burning rubber and wasted energy. There’s just, our survival brain is super strong. It works against us subconsciously. A lot of people I work with on procrastination, it’s not really that they don’t wanna do the work, it’s that their survival brain is afraid of, of them expending too much energy or getting hurt or something.
[00:27:31] So whenever you’re, you’re feeling that kind of, I consider it a burning rubber feeling where I’m just kind of trying to push myself and yet I feel the energy going down. Oh, am I working with my survival brain? Is it feeling afraid or threatened by what my intentions are? And it can be hard on this, like our society does push that you should just be able to get everything done.
[00:27:54] I was part of landmark education for a long time. I got a lot from them and I also have thrown away a lot of their, their education. One of those things is, yes, you can work 20 hour days. Yes, you can get everything done. You can super focus and get things done. Um, you can create and, and this is something they did like you need to get across town and you don’t have enough time.
[00:28:16] You set the intention that you’ll get there and you kind of will yourself there. And I mean, I think it kept people focused, like people that would wander off and get their car keys and then forget something else. But it was also really hard on my body. It felt like I was reving the engine, the adrenaline was going all the time.
[00:28:33] And I was fighting my survival brain, which was like, Wait, you’re running yourself to, you can barely have the energy to walk to the bedroom, to go to sleep, and to a survival brain. That’s not good. We don’t, if there’s a, if there is a tiger in the house, you need to have the energy to run away. Um, so realize that you could be fighting yourself and some of the energy loss may not be actual energy because of the should, but because your survival brain doesn’t feel seen and heard.
[00:29:00] And when we can kind of go, oh, I’m an organic being that actually has needs and I have a finite amount of energy. Sometimes we can find new ways to do things, and we can also soften that stance with our survival brain. So it’s not so much a battle, but like, Hey, survival brain. I know this is scary, but I’m gonna leave enough energy so you can take care of yourself tonight.
[00:29:22] Um, and let’s get this done together. It’ll make life better to, for us. Does that make sense? We can work together versus fighting yourselves. And someone mentioned that, um, should often equals shame. Yes. And I think that that’s, um, I want to take this, uh, in, if it’s okay to, to look at the relating aspect of this and the engaging with others.
[00:29:45] So should, is that like, Hey, I’ve got this emotional limit. Are there any shoulds involved in that? If there are, those are things that we can start cleaning up ourselves. Another doorway can be to take something that, um, like people are judging me, right? And they’re judgy. Right. The tapping can be recognizing the shoulds on both sides.
[00:30:14] Like where is the limit that’s active here and using shoulds, especially if you get to the place where when you use the word should, there’s a little bit of a mm-hmm. I’m not gonna shit on myself. I’m not actually don’t wanna shit on other people either. Um, so I, the tapping on the things that you do around should builds up a skill of recognizing that should isn’t where you wanna stay energetically, but it’s a real pathway because that’s where the shame and a lot of conflict is.
[00:30:46] So if I have a really judgy person, um, who gets really unkind and critical in my world, this is, this is a way that, um, I might approach that with the shoulds. Okay. And yeah, take the best, leave the rest, compost. What’s, um, Yeah. Even though I should be able to take it, even though I should be able to take it.
[00:31:12] They’re family. They’re family. I should be able to take this. I should be able to take this. They should be more kind. They should be more kind. They should be less critical. They should be less critical. Top head. They should be less critical. They should be less critical Eyebrow. I should be able to take their criticism like water Off a Duck’s Back should be able to take their criticism like water off a Duck’s Back Eye of the eye.
[00:31:43] But they’re she on me but they’re shitting on me and Guy. It’s not water off a Duck’s back. It’s not water off a duck’s back. I know they shouldn’t shit on me. They shouldn’t shit on me Chin. I’m shitting on them. I’m shitting on them. Hold on.
[00:32:03] I’m wondering if they have a limit. I’m wondering if they have a limit under the arm. They don’t seem to be able to control themselves. They don’t seem to be able to control themselves top of the head. They can’t take their judgments and just hold them to themselves. They can’t hold, take their judgment and hold them to themselves eyebrow.
[00:32:24] They’re limited into what they can hold. They’re limited in what they can hold side of the eye. They’re definitely limited in what they can accept. They’re definitely limited in what they can accept the eye. They are so human. They are so human and those I am so human. I am so human. Chin. We do have limits here.
[00:32:45] We do have limits here, limits here. Hold on. And it’s painful for me at times and it’s painful for me at times under the Army. What if I accepted that we both have limits? What if I accepted that we both have limits? How might that change how we relate? How might that change how we relate?
[00:33:09] So as soon as I do that, there’s a mix of things that happens, but one of the things is I feel more resourced. That does not mean that I’m seeking out to tolerate behavior that is unacceptable to me. That is hard for me that I, that actually violates a limit or depletes me, uh, really quickly. Um, and my come from is, okay, this person clearly is, I can shoot on them all day long, but their capacity to be with contrast, for example, without judging and criticizing, seems really limited.
[00:33:54] Mm-hmm. Now, if you are close to someone, you probably notice that, you know, There are people or circumstances or topics where they really just can’t control. They, they’re limited in their control. It would be like someone driving on ice. Uh, it’s not in control of friction the same way. And you just like, okay, they’re really out of control.
[00:34:20] They do not have that savvy. They’re limited in their savvy. They’re limited in their emotional intelligence. I believe that parts of our brain are constantly judging, discerning, I like this, I don’t like this. Uh, that’s contrast. That’s sucks. That is not the way I would do it. That like it, it’s whether you can be with that without suppressing your own clarity.
[00:34:48] I. Without it. Like I, I wanna live in a world where people do have more savvy, they have more capacity to be like, ah, that is definitely not the way that I would do it, but this person I care about hasn’t asked me for advice, is not asking me for critique. And they’re a free person too. What do I, what really feels right for me?
[00:35:13] That’s very different from a knee jerk. People that are in knee jerk reaction and criticism. If we see it as a limit, we’re gonna be at least more savvy in relating to them. Like we won’t expect, we won’t be surprised, like, you know, if you say boo to some people, they wet themselves. I if, if I sh, if I share something that someone’s likely to criticize, they’re going to criticize it.
[00:35:40] If I’m savvy, I recognize their limit in acceptance. I. I wanna emphasize another side to that is we don’t have to just take people’s verbal abuse like we can. I thought I, I thought I was clear on that, but that, thank you for reaffirming it. Yeah. I think, I love what you’re saying. I’m not that, not taking away from that at all, but I do think that especially in our society, we’re kind of taught if we love someone, we put up with it.
[00:36:07] And I do wanna emphasize that if someone’s being abusive or, or like shitting on you in ways that aren’t good for you to receive, like the, it’s a two-way street for me. There’s certain people, close family can get to the sore spots. They know this, the way to say things, to just kind of like, Ooh, they get you.
[00:36:25] And I, I have certain topics I don’t talk about with certain family members. I just like, I set a limit on that because it’s better for me. So there’s two people relating we get to take care of ourselves too, while we’re trying to be more aware. And you did say that, but I just think the conversation, the way the conversation went, I wanted to emphasize that there’s a lot of, there’s a lot of us have been through trauma.
[00:36:47] Trauma where, um, what we’ve, we were told and forced even to tolerate the intolerable. So reinforcing that we might do that another couple dozen times. Yeah. Um, for me, I,
[00:37:07] there are people, for example, that, for example, that actually don’t have the empathy app. So they’re definitely going to be limited in their empathy on their diversity scale. They, they just don’t have the empathy app. There are people whose emotional intelligence is super genius compared to mine. Um, I, I’ve had to work and expand my capacity for emotional intelligence.
[00:37:34] Um, I’m grateful for the work I’ve done. I think it’s a fluency. Um, but every day I run into people that have, you know, that know less emotional, intelligent language and other things. They have limits. And it’s not that I want to, um,
[00:37:56] my primitive brain wants everyone else to behave a certain way, and if they don’t, I want to shit on them. I believe that if somebody’s in their primitive brain, their range of options is very limited. And that goes for people I love who are rarely in their primitive brain, but if they’re in their primitive brain and I am wanting to be savvy, the first thing is, oh, they’re in their primitive brain.
[00:38:23] And that goes for a two-year-old. It goes for a, a. If any age, um, are they in their primitive brain? If they’re in their primitive brain, they have a very narrow set of choices. If I expect them to go outside of those limits that the primitive brain imposes neurologically imposes them, um, I am actually not being savvy.
[00:38:49] I’m human. I may be in my primitive brain too, but the savvy part of it is also recognizing the limits that come. Um, and that’s not the same as excusing. I can say that’s not okay while recognizing someone’s in their primitive brain. In fact, I’m much more likely to say not, okay. I’m taking space to someone who’s in their primitive brain than someone I’m having a, a non primitive brain dialogue with.
[00:39:21] Mm-hmm. If that makes sense.
[00:39:27] Um, so where would you Yeah, we have, we have some, do you, is there anything in the chat that, um, yeah. One for me I’d love to talk and tap about is that I should be able to go out more. I love that, the simplicity of that statement, but I think there’s a lot to unpack there. Um, I went through a period over the last few years where I didn’t have a lot of energy and I was trying to drive myself with my brain and based on something else I saw from this person, I think this might be what’s going on.
[00:39:59] And please, again, take what feels right for, for you. Sometimes we decide with our head what we need to do to be ahead and we’re not really asking our body or our nervous system or our energy what, what’s right for us. And when we try to drive ourselves with our head and not listen to the rest of us, there can be a fear.
[00:40:19] Um, just like a little kid if their, if, if a little kid is aware, their parent isn’t really paying attention to their needs and just trying to check off boxes, there’s a fear, like, you’re not listening. Am I being gonna be taken care of? Are you gonna recognize what’s going on? Um, if I need something. And for a while I was just, I really shut down.
[00:40:37] I had a lot going on in my life and. I was trying to drive myself with my head and I noticed how hard it was. Like even I’d be sitting on the couch and I was like, I need to go do these. I need to X, Y, Z. But I wasn’t really checking in and being with the rest of me. And it was very, very hard to get those things done.
[00:40:55] And sometimes I would sit there literally for four hours trying to get myself to do these tasks and they just felt so heavy and I was driving myself with my head as opposed to like, okay, body, what do you want? And I’ve, I’ve, as I’ve been coming out of that, I’ve been letting my burn my body do more of what it wants to do in terms of like, I will sometimes find myself getting up and, and doing tasks that I would normally never do and just enjoying them.
[00:41:24] But I had to, the noise in my head was so loud, it was overriding all the other signals in my body. And I think when we have a loud should about, I should be able to go out more. And I, I picked this one 'cause it’s very simple. It’s like a direct, I should go out more. Um, There can be a lot of noise and it can prevent us from like, what would, what would my body like to do?
[00:41:48] How would my body like going out to look like? Is there a yes yes versus this loud, authoritative, this is what I need to do. And maybe it looks very different than my shoulds have in my head. I, I have, I work with someone and he talks a lot about having things that are just below conscious level and I, I like, that was really profound for me.
[00:42:09] It’s like I have all these shoulds that are just below, I’m not really aware of them, but they’re running a lot of things and when I say I should do something, they’re all riding along and I think it has to look a certain way and it’s very rigid and there’s no play and there’s no room for me to accommodate anything versus like, Hey, body.
[00:42:29] I would love to go out. I think it might be good for us. How does that feel to you? What are you scared of? Can I listen to your fears? And I’ve seen this with people all ages, but especially kids, you’re like, oh, really? What are you afraid of? Can you tell me about it? And in our society, I think we ignore the fears.
[00:42:46] We wanna suppress them and run past them and ignore them. But sometimes just letting someone tell you about what their fears are. And noticing like, oh, you’re afraid that if you go out, maybe you know, I’m making this up. I don’t know what this person might be feeling, but oh, if I go out, I might not be safe, or I might not have enough energy to get back home, or something bad might happen.
[00:43:08] And really listening and being with our system going, wow, that does sound really scary. That sounds really frightening. Um, do you think we might be able to handle it if that happened? Like, can you gimme a specific scenario rather than some amorphous fear, like, could, do you think we could handle it? If this happened, what would we do?
[00:43:29] And coming up with solutions, there’s a way to get out of the brain, the direction of the brain that just wants to drive everything and becoming a whole organic person, um, and inviting all of us forward with that. Does that make, am I explaining that in a way that some, that’s clear. Rick, can you Yeah.
[00:43:48] It’s, it fits my, my own experience of like the morning mile today. You know, um, it was hot. There was an air quality alert. Um, I didn’t know what I was going to do, but my, my body said it would be great to get in the car and just go somewhere and without anything else being clear. And what was interesting is that once I was in the car and my energy was moving, a tank was filling like the tank that needed some energetic space, um, just and movement.
[00:44:27] And as that tank filled, it was like, you know, one little tiny loop at the folk ark center for one third of a mile. That’s the morning mile is one third of a mile, you know? That’s it, buddy. And, and as soon as I landed on that, it felt like it was a sweet spot. It was touching, like I had limits that I was aware of, but I also had this tank that was wanting to be filled.
[00:44:57] The qi of movement, for example, um, is, is a bit different internally. Like what I felt was filled up and what I felt was drawn down. I’m getting the picture of those little, you know, your inkjet printers that have the, uh, magenta and yellow and cyan and black and photo black, and like each of those, um, comes together to, to paint all of these millions of colors.
[00:45:33] And for me, the, the savvy part of the skill here is recognizing that, um, I may need to craft. An activity or a choice with one limit, but that’s not necessarily a bad thing. It, like you were saying, it’s gifting to the whole of you as an organic being a level of depth and engagement that isn’t just with our head and our shoulds.
[00:46:03] Mm-hmm. Um, yeah. Can we move all tapping on that? Yeah, go ahead. Yeah, so I didn’t mean to interrupt your thought either, so just take a nice deep breath if you would like. Feels good too. Karate chop. Even though my brain’s been in charge a lot lately, even though my brain’s been in charge a lot lately and I often let it run things and I’ve often let it run things, I think I’d like to be an organic being some more.
[00:46:35] I’d like to be a full organic being some more, so I’m gonna invite my body to share what it thinks. I’m gonna invite my body to share what it thinks. And even my nervous system. And even my nervous system, which definitely has its limits, top of the head, that’s gonna give a whole new perspectives to what I should do.
[00:46:59] That’s going to give a an entirely new perspective to what I choose to do. I wrote, and if I play some more, it definitely would help me play some more side of the eye. I have all these subconscious shoulds that my brain’s attached to. I have all these subconscious shoulds that my brain’s attached to under the eye.
[00:47:21] It wants things to look a certain way, it wants things to look a certain way, even if I have limits under the nose. And sometimes my brain learned that from tv, sometimes that my brain learned that from TV chin, or watching my parents or watching my parents. Collarbone, but I didn’t really examine those subconscious shoulds.
[00:47:44] I did not really examine those sub subconscious shoulds under the arm. And they don’t have very good logic for my body, and they don’t have good logic for my body, top of the head. I’d really like all of me to be served by what I do. I’d like all of me to be served by what I do, so maybe I’ll And by what I don’t do.
[00:48:06] Yes. So maybe I’ll reevaluate what I should do. I’m definitely gonna reevaluate what I should do and just take a breath. And I love poking at shoulds, so I should go out more. Why? Like asking why like, oh, I would like the adventure. Like if there’s reasons that will enhance your life, that’s great to dig into.
[00:48:31] But if it’s other people think I should, it’s like sometimes I will go the other way. Like if I never did the should, what would happen? Um, you know, I have a should about my laundry. I love it to be folded and put away, and yet I have survived many a week living out of the laundry hamper with clean clothes that are slightly wrinkled.
[00:48:49] And as I go through and, you know, like, it’s not my favorite, but nobody died. Nothing bad happened. The worst that happened was when I had a cat. She loved to sleep on them and they, I’d have to defer them in the morning, but, you know, the world kept going. So that should, which seems so like, must do these things, wasn’t really a valid threat, if that makes sense.
[00:49:11] Mm-hmm. So, kind of poking at it, like looking at it from like, what would I get out of this? And also what happens if I don’t do this, if I never went out again? There’s, you know, maybe that feels very limited and that’s not what you want to do, and I’m not trying to take that away and. There are people that survive that way, that have very lovely lives, um, with what they have around them.
[00:49:34] So I think when we start asking those questions, we start seeing what’s really important to us, and then we can start working towards clearing out anything that’s in the way versus like just the things that we saw on TV and our brain decided they were the right thing to do. So, uh, after we’re gonna take a break for seven minutes and when we come back, we’re gonna touch on upper limits and lower limits 'cause we have both and capacity, um, and how trauma fits some limits and some of the diversity that we are gonna run into, um, with those that we care about and those that we run into randomly.
[00:50:11] So, all right, I’m gonna stop the recording.
[00:50:18] Welcome back. So, um, navigating emotional limits, um, um, You know, I, I, I think there’s, when you think about like having a, a personal trainer who’s working through the limits of your, your biceps, your triceps, your back, your legs, your, your butt, um, how much balance you have under what level weight, um, you know, there’s, it’s sort of easy to say, well, I definitely have an upper limit.
[00:50:49] Um, when it comes to emotions, I think especially for positive emotions, a lot of times, um, we don’t even have the concept of like, too much joy, you know, uh, too much eagerness, like you have an upper limit. So for example, and my limit changes, um, if somebody is so eager, That they’re jumping up and down, they’re yelling, they’re Yay, yay, yay.
[00:51:32] Like there’s a, a very narrow window where that’s okay if it continues into the part of it where I’m trying to get our stuff together to go out the door, then I’ve reached my, my limit on eagerness. And I really like if the eagerness continues, what happens inside of me? Well, I own that loud noises of eagerness and lots of physical movement, and especially if it’s coming at my body.
[00:52:07] Um, I have, I have some upper limits. It feels good to have people eager for like, yay, we’re going to pizza. Um, but if everyone all of a sudden, um, goes beyond my limit, what happens inside of me? Um, My nervous system doesn’t know what to do with all that stimulation. Now
[00:52:33] acknowledging like there’s a part of me that, yeah, immediately shoulds on myself, and I’ve already toned it down quite a bit over the last years of living with such eagerness, um, you know, like, Hey, I have a limit, and it changes. And sometimes I, I really appreciate eagerness and sometimes it’s over my limit and it’s not his fault.
[00:52:59] What if it’s not my fault either? Um, um, how do I want to savvy communicate my upper limits, right? How do I want to communicate my upper limits? How do I wanna communicate my upper limits? How do I wanna communicate my upper limits? How do I wanna communicate my upper limits?
[00:53:27] So like one way I’m, you know, I, like, I I, I believe that part of savvy relating around upper limits is to have some choices that feel good to you to say like, Hey, that’s enough for me. You know, that’s, that’s reached my limit. That’s enough for me. Um, I need us to, to quiet down and focus on getting out the door Now that, that I need us, that makes it a we space.
[00:53:58] Now if that doesn’t get through, say I need it to be quiet so that I can focus on getting my stuff together to take us to pizza. Now notice the difference. Um, you need to be quiet. Now that’s saying, um, that person is wrong and. I, I feel that there’s a savvy in owning my upper limits when I reach them.
[00:54:28] And I’m noticing that, uh, this go-round of parenting again, I have two adults, um, uh, who are my children, uh, this next, this latest go-round of parenting young ones. I am noticing that, um, owning my own limits creates a dynamic where, um, there’s more freedom for everybody. And by cleaning up the shoulds around my upper limits noise, for example, my upper limit around noise, sometimes I love a dance party.
[00:55:03] I just love a dance party. I can go to an ecstatic dance, and you know what? I’m having a great time. And then I hit my limit and I’m like, I have hit my limit. I am going to go outside. Now, what does that say? It gives other people information to navigate their world. It says, oh, Rick’s hit his limit and he’s okay going outside.
[00:55:31] Um, or I’ve hit my limit and I really am gonna need to leave in the, with you all in the car in the next, you know, five to 10 minutes.
[00:55:43] The, when I, when I didn’t think about what’s my u upper limit on ecstasy, what’s my upper limit on excitement? What’s my, you know, can I pause? Can I give myself space when I didn’t acknowledge that there’s an upper limit on, on, like, technology work? Um, I have a really, uh, my brain loves technology about two hours a day.
[00:56:14] If I go above, I can go to four. But if it goes to a full-time job, I have a real problem. I’m well beyond my limit, and that was one of the things that really caused, caused me disease. Um, I think if I focus so much on my own self, um, I have a upper limit, like, oh, that’s really good. It’s really good to be in, in meditation and solitude and other things.
[00:56:44] My family was away for the first time in three years. I was, uh, alone in the house for two days. Guess what? My upper limit on tending to myself and tending to my nest, which I love to do, like that’s really good for me. I reached an upper limit and then I started like, what happens when we reach an upper limit?
[00:57:05] You get shaky, you get like, uh, or you do something to drive your energy down. Um, so. There any upper limits that you wanna share? Kathy, anyone on the chat wanna share an upper limit, um, which you might like, have some judgment about, um, yourself? Um, I think that sometimes we, um, I’ve noticed myself and I, for some people I’ve worked with, that when we reach that upper limit, if we feel like we shouldn’t have an upper limit or if we’re uncomfortable about it, Part of us can get very afraid.
[00:57:41] Um, I’ve seen this where people actually hurt themselves. They’re having a good time, and they’ll, they’ll fall or they’ll hurt themselves, or they’ll start a fight, or they’ll run into a wall. They’ll do something to kind of jar them back into the, into the more negative space because it feels safer. So it doesn’t always come out with, oh, I’m feeling uncomfortable.
[00:58:00] It might come out like, oh, I get super clumsy every time I start getting, like, I spend more than 10 minutes in this energy space. So I just wanna invite you, like, if you notice you have a pattern, I, I tend to get in a fight with someone, or I tend to like, you know, hurt myself. Is there something you feel afraid of?
[00:58:19] Are you losing your ground and your connection with like, what’s real and what’s, what’s valuable to you? And I think our survival brain can cause us to hurt ourselves if it thinks that we’re getting out of control or that we, we might forget to pay attention to safety or other things that are important to us.
[00:58:35] So it may not come across as a conscious thought. It might become, come out sideways in other, in other ways too. Um, Some people get sick. I used to get sick. That was my, I didn’t have any boundaries or limits myself, so I would, my body would break down and get sick when I couldn’t say no for myself. So just different ways you can notice that upper limit that might be, oh, I really wanna do this, but I’m not sure what I need to navigate.
[00:59:00] And I think that if we can do some quiet meditation or tapping or work with a coach and like, what am I actually afraid is going to happen? Am I going to lose connection with it’s important, or I’m gonna get so carried away with the adrenaline and the ha good feelings? Or like, oh, okay, so what if I take five minutes and just go step outside and breathe?
[00:59:20] Or what if I, you know, how can I, how can I reassure myself that I’m not going to get swept away with all this, the happiness, the good feelings I’m having or the excitement. Um, and just different people express it differently, like Emerald, uh, or Rick’s kid. He’s amazing. And he has a lot of energy and I like, I’m on the phone, so I’m a little bit farther away, but it’s sometimes I’m like, oh wow, two minutes of that was lovely.
[00:59:46] And now it’s just a lot for my nervous system. And I like Rick’s, Rick will talk to him about, Hey, I have different needs. It’s not that he’s bad. And I was brought up in a family where if you didn’t anticipate other people’s needs, if you didn’t tone yourself within their limits, then you were bad. There was like a shoulding on you versus Rick’s telling him, Hey, I love that you’re enthusiastic and my nervous system needs to express it differently in this space.
[01:00:12] Can we find a way so you can be excited? And I can also, 'cause we’re cohabitating and I, I think that’s just a lovely way to, to share that with someone rather than telling them they’re wrong or bad for being excited. Um, because then I think people, I think that many of us got our upper limits from someone saying, don’t be too excited.
[01:00:32] My mother gets very nervous when I’m happy. Um, when I’m excited about something. Her nerve, her brain is like, oh, bad things. You’re not paying attention enough. You’re not like really careful. And I, I still remember the first time I posted something on eBay, just to give an example. I was very excited. It was something I’d bought at an antique store.
[01:00:50] We got the part of the parts that we wanted to finish up hers and we’re gonna sell the remainder. And I didn’t care if I made any money or not. The whole goal was to get her set complete. Um, but it was really fun and it kept bidding up and I was checking it every couple minutes and I’m like, it’s $135.
[01:01:06] Oh my goodness. It’s like, and I was, I was, I felt like I was very grounded. You. I was ex, I was having a great time, but I didn’t feel like, I was like, oh, I’m gonna make millions or quit my day job. It was just like, oh my God, I didn’t know that this would, even, anyone would bid. And there’s people bidding up and we’re coming to the last minutes and she wouldn’t let me.
[01:01:25] She made me stop checking it. She thought I was going to ruin it or break it, or she just got very uncomfortable with my enthusiasm around that versus I was just having fun. Different people’s nervous systems take things different ways. They’ve had different experiences. But we can learn those upper limits from our parents if they were very nervous about things like that.
[01:01:46] Um, so just I think once I started understanding, oh, I limit my enthusiasm because my mother wasn’t comfortable with me being enthusiastic, I wanna be balanced and grounded for myself. I don’t want to be carried away, swept away with the moment in terms of being unsafe, but I can let myself be more enthusiastic and I had to do a lot of tapping on it.
[01:02:07] And I still catch myself sometimes, but I think noticing where it comes from can be some, some help there. Can we do a little tapping on? Yeah. Even though I have upper limits, even though I have upper limits, I am so human. I’m so human.
[01:02:27] I may love closeness. I may love closeness, I may love service. I may love service. I may appreciate eagerness, I may appreciate.
[01:02:41] And I have my limits. And I have my limits. What if I deeply and completely accepted myself? What if I deeply and completely accepted myself top head? I have upper limits, I have upper limits, eyebrow, even the things I deeply enjoy, even the things I deeply enjoy, side of the eye, even the things I’m really good at, even the things I’m really good at.
[01:03:08] Yeah, even the pleasures I really enjoy. Even the pleasures I really enjoy.
[01:03:18] I wanna recognize and accept my upper limits. I wanna recognize and accept my upper limits, Jen, and give myself healthy ways to find balance and give myself healthy ways to find balance.
[01:03:39] I have upper limits, I have upper limits,
[01:03:49] I have upper limits, I have upper limits on the arm. Maybe even some I haven’t acknowledged, maybe some I haven’t even acknowledged.
[01:04:02] Someone mentioned that, you know, when you give attention to a client, for example, in a session, um, that’s an, that’s an energetic act. Like to be in a quality of our artistry is a, a profound place for me. For example, um, during the time when, you know, until very recently I shifted my client scheduling system so that I always had a half hour.
[01:04:34] Between clients. So if there’s a 20 minute session, there’d be a half hour. If there’s an hour session, there’d be a half hour. Um, I even schedule my session so that they’re 20 and 50 minutes. Why? Because I believe if you go there with someone in a, in a deep way, which is why I do this work, I wanna have, uh, deep relating and engaging in my life.
[01:05:01] Um, that tank is filling tonight and it feels good. And when I’m, when we’re done here in, in 15 minutes, um, I’ll be done. Um, what I know from experience is my upper limit is 90 minutes. Um, a lot of people can do like weekend workshops. Um, yeah, I don’t, I, I can go two hours in the same way that I can fit eight people in my car.
[01:05:37] Um, but it’s gonna take some stretching. It’s gonna be uncomfortable. Um, and, and acknowledging your own upper limit. Uh, people ask me for, for sessions of 90 minutes. I can do one of those a month maybe. But I, I don’t leave it for people to schedule because I have to feel into what’s my capacity now that a deer is older.
[01:06:04] I have more, my limit has changed so that I can do, um, like two hours of sessions with those 10 minute breaks, roughly 10 minute breaks. Um, and then take a break. Um,
[01:06:19] So when we have an upper limit that we recognize and we accept and we’re not forcing it, we may allow it to fluxx and change with our lifestyle, with the things that are going on, with recognizing, oh, I have more capacity right now. It feels good to extend it. Um, but adapting, you know, if, if somebody schedules, like have people coming in one after the other, um, what does it feel like to have, you know, a, a 10 minute potty break, um, scheduled into the flow?
[01:06:54] So, you know, that’s coming. Um, to me, uh, as someone mentioned, um, our primitive brain knows that, well, it’s not so bad if I get chocolate, like. Chocolate is magic. Like we’re, we’re not under threat as long as there’s chocolate. Um, for those of those of us that like chocolate, um, sweets, um, food, there’s a quality of soothing the primitive brain at the limit and extending it a bit.
[01:07:26] Okay. Um, but you’re still, you’re still at the limit. And that’s where I see a lot of dis-ease come from, um, in the anxious realm, in the stress realm, in the driven, um, and shoulding on myself realm, um, is that there’s an upper limit that we’re not acknowledging, recognizing, accepting, and then adapting. I, I believe in our power to adapt and, and the things that matter to us to come to us.
[01:07:58] Yeah. And then of course there’s lower limits. Do you wanna talk about the lower limits of our. Well, I thought I’d love to do some tapping on, um, that the reaction people get to the upper limit. Just that, you know. Okay. Kind of judging of, because I think one of the, it’s easy to judge other people. How dare they be that excited?
[01:08:17] Like when I find myself judging other people, I often have to ask, what do I need to ask for? Like, bringing it back to me. So I’d love to just start like, because a couple of people shared that it’s like they get, um, they get reactive to other people being too excited for too long. So I just, can we just do some happy there?
[01:08:37] Yeah, sure. Even though my body reacts when they’re that excited, even though my body still reacts when they get so excited and I judge them pretty harshly and I can judge them pretty harshly for going over my limit, I notice my survival brain gets kind of triggered when someone’s that excited. My survival brain gets triggered when someone’s that excited.
[01:09:01] I’m not sure it’s safe. I’m not sure it’s safe. I’m not sure they’re being reasonable anymore. I’m not sure they’re being reasonable anymore, and I’m worried about them getting carried away and I’m worried about them getting carried away and me getting carried away. Yeah, top of the head. I acknowledge that there’s some good logic here.
[01:09:23] I acknowledge that there’s some good logic here I wrote, and maybe I don’t have to get judgmental about it, and maybe I don’t have to get judgmental about it. Sadia, yes, I need to get judgmental about this. Yes, I need to get judgmental or else I’ll never change under the eye. What if I don’t have to be judgmental?
[01:09:44] What if I don’t have to be judgmental under the nose? What if I can acknowledge that’s where they are right now? What if I can acknowledge that’s where they are right now, Shannon? Ask for something different and ask for something different. I can ask for what I need. I can ask for what I need under the arm without judging them.
[01:10:09] Without judging them top of head. Sometimes they’re very young, sometimes they’re very young. Eyebrow, emotionally or mentally, emotionally or mentally. Side of the eye. And part of, yeah, side of the part of me likes being more excited sometimes. And part of me would like to be more excited sometimes under the eye.
[01:10:31] What if they can be good practice for setting boundaries? What if they can be good practice for setting boundaries under the nose and a role model for me at other times and a role model for me at other times, Tim, I don’t think they should get that excited. I don’t think they should get that excited collarbone.
[01:10:51] Well, maybe I’m just having a hard time being around that much excitement. Maybe I’m really having a hard time being around that much excitement. Under, yeah, under the arm. And I can limit that. I can limit my exposure and I can limit my exposure sometimes up the head. I’d like to play with this and see how I can be different around this energy.
[01:11:13] I’d like to play with this and see how I can be different around this energy. Just take a nice deep breath. I like that. Feels savvy. What? It comes up? Well, I, it came to me like, um, I’m watching our time. We have about 10 minutes. Um, when we go over our upper limit, there’s pain, there’s repulsion, there’s ah, too muchness.
[01:11:40] Yeah. There’s a, a stress and strain when people talk about that. Um, there’s, and so like if somebody like I. Pulls us immediately or shocks them, us outside of our nervous system, our biochemical limits, our our thought limits, our whatever. There’s a lot that’s going on. As an organic being, it’s happening in many dimensions or one, um, it could be that just one nerve pathway is getting too much signal and that is contributing to your limit.
[01:12:17] Um, putting in earplugs, for example, can expand my limit for what can happen in my space, rather, rather much the lower limit, the same way when we’re banging against the lower limit, were, um, With somebody else. Um, any, so if your capacity, like you’ve just been of service, you like being of service, it’s one of your love languages, but you’ve been speaking it nonstop, it feels from morning until night, and then somebody makes a request.
[01:12:51] What happens inside you when you’ve reached the lower limit? And what happens in other people that you care about when they reach their lower limit? How do we recognize, ah, that person has hit their lower limit? That person in the mirror has hit their lower limit. Um, what do I do when I hit my lower limit?
[01:13:16] What do I do when I hit my lower limit? Hmm. What do I need when I hit my lower limit? What do I need when I hit my lower limit? What do they do when they hit their lower limit? What do they do when they hit their lower limit? What do they sound like? What do they sound like? What do they look like? What do they look like?
[01:13:41] What do I look like? What do I look like? What lower limits have I hit in the last week? What lower limits have I hit in the last week?
[01:13:56] Any come to mind folks? You know, we feel free to change. Share it in the chat. Like, one of the, one of the limits that I hit was, you know, there’s this, I, I love being a dad. Um, if I, I’m doing an, a tremendous amount of that. Um, there’s this other thing, like what I’m getting to do here where I get to be in a group of adults doing adult work and I.
[01:14:25] It’s a pretty common thing. You hear, you hear people say that, I just need an adult conversation. Um, and um, and even being able to explore and be revealed more, um, it,
[01:14:46] it’s a quality of of filling up other things. These are not like hard containers when life force is in that I’m, um, I’m being of service in a different way or I’m being present in a different way or I’m expressing my body or my voice in a different way. Um, and it’s filling us up. What we can notice is sometimes I.
[01:15:17] Affiliated parts of us will start finding balance instead of being quite so depleted. Um, there’s some filling that happens. I believe that this happens with Netflix and Chill. I believe it happens with, for some people, scrolling social media, it may be depleting them or pushing them up and limits other ways, but it might be helping them feel something that really had hit the lower limit.
[01:15:42] Like, I’m just alone and I need to feel like I’m part of, like if I feel a need for kinship, um, there are certain places I go because if I stay too low in the kinship, you know, the sense of being a part of community and the like, um, that’s not a good place for me. It’s just, it feels, um, uh, yeah, it’s, it’s not necessarily dark, but it’s, it’s heavy and flat, if that makes any sense.
[01:16:13] Um, When we recognize like, what’s our low, what are our lower limits, and how, you know, you know, I, uh, you can tap on the shoulds and I shouldn’t be this tired, I shouldn’t not want to change another diaper. I, you know, you can, I should go and answer my emails. You know, that’s a doorway. We’ve learned that that’s a savvy doorway.
[01:16:39] Um, if we’re shooting on other people, that’s again, like they’ve, they’re probably hitting one of our limits. What is it? Um, acceptance and adapting in a, in a more savvy way. Uh, Is one of our explorations here, um, that we’re in the midst of. And then we hope that you’ll share the things that you’re noticing.
[01:17:01] Like, oh, I, I’m now starting to look at this very, this a little bit more, um, as a spectrum of things like my need to be of service and my need to not be of service. My need to connect with people, and my need for solitude, my need to, to move, and my need for stillness. Um, uh, Yeah, yeah. Both have upper and lower limits, um, that fluctuates.
[01:17:29] We might have stretched your limits a little in the last hour and a half, so I just like to invite you, like, uh, if, just notice what you’re feeling, take a breath. I notice if some parts of you might feel, oh, good, I feel recognized. I felt connection with community. I cleared some stuff. I might feel good.
[01:17:47] And other parts, we might’ve had some dusty corners where things were sitting and moving. Those can stir up a little dust or leave us feeling a little stretched. There’s nothing wrong with feeling both. I think our society really likes to teach us you’re either happy or you’re sad, like one thing at a time.
[01:18:02] And I don’t know about you, but I’m a complex being. I’m fully capable of feeling many contradictory things at the same time. So if you’re feeling like, oh, this felt really good, and I’m feeling a little unsettled, realize we’ve poked into some corners that most humans never even look at. Most people go with the blinders on trying to drive themselves.
[01:18:21] Their entire life. And we’re looking at different ways. We’re kind of biohacking our, our system and looking at better ways to run our lives and our bodies in loving ways. So if you’re feeling a little stretched or a little unsettled, congratulate yourself. You did something good. You stretch yourself in ways that you might not have otherwise.
[01:18:42] And I think that we’re often taught that if you don’t feel good and blissful at the end that I must have done something wrong, I often will like, uh, what did I do wrong? No, I didn’t do anything. I just grew some this time and I’m still integrating the processing I did. Maybe. That’s really lovely. This can serve me for a long time.
[01:19:00] So I just wanna invite that we might’ve been stretching some of the limits on the sides that we weren’t really talking about as we talked about shoulds and limits and beliefs about things and how the world works. Certainly a vulnerable act to acknowledge our own limits. It’s a, um, It’s a tender act to recognize that the people that we love have limits and we kind of wish that they were even more superhero than, um, than they might be behaving at that moment.
[01:19:33] Um, appreciate all of you for being here and, and providing so much support and energy. Um, yeah, I, and thank you Kathy. Oh, my pleasure to be here. I always feel honored to be in this space. Build. Great. We’ll, we’ll be doing some more on this. Yeah, sorry. Um, we’ll be doing some more on savvy, relating and engaging.
[01:19:56] There’s a number of different aspects. Appreciate those of you that have shared. Um, I’m still integrating the answers that we got. Kathy and I are gonna talk about what is alive and right for us next. Um, so your ideas, thoughts, and. Um, especially real world situations are very helpful for us in, in tuning this to be practical, applicable, um, and adapting so that we can all be thriving.
[01:20:25] So yeah. Thanks. Great work everyone. Good job.
[01:20:30]
We covered…
- Navigating emotional limits: Workshop on savvy relating and engaging, exploring physical and emotional limits, accepting them, and adapting to them.
- Multitasking and the culture of ignoring human limits: Discussion on the pressure to multitask, corporate culture’s love for multitasking, and the importance of recognizing and respecting human limits.
- Emotional Freedom: Recognizing and accepting personal limitations and desires to increase capacity and reduce rigid shoulds.
- Conflict with Survival Brain: Pushing oneself in direct conflict with survival brain, leading to wasted energy and burning rubber feeling.
- Limits in Relating: Recognizing limits in emotional intelligence and empathy can help us be more savvy in relating to others, even when they are being critical or abusive.
- Shoulds and Energy: Driving ourselves with our head and ignoring the needs of our body can lead to energy loss. Listening to our body and recognizing our limits can help us find new ways to do things.
- Being an organic being with limts: Recognizing the importance of listening to one’s body and nervous system, and crafting activities that serve the whole person.
- Examining subconscious SHOULDs: Poking at subconscious shoulds and questioning their validity, asking what would happen if they were not followed.
- Navigating emotional limits: Acknowledging personal upper limits for emotions, such as eagerness, and finding ways to communicate them effectively.
- Owning upper limits creates more freedom for everyone.
- Acknowledging and accepting upper limits is important for finding balance and avoiding negative consequences.
- Upper and lower limits: Recognizing, accepting, and adapting to our limits can prevent disease and stress. Limits can fluctuate with lifestyle changes.
- Acknowledging limits: Recognizing our own and others’ limits can help us set boundaries and ask for what we need. Tapping can help with reactions to others’ excitement.
Resources Mentioned
Great to have you on this journey with us!
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Thanks. Great Workshop. Really enjoyed tapping with you all.
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Yay! So glad it was useful and enjoyable for you, Jewel! Thanks for being with us (and for stopping by the center and engaging here). Appreciate you!
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