My baby step: it’s ok to run away

TW: religious…stuff…

Run away! Now!… that might be something I wish I was told when I was young. “Run away! It’s not safe here!”

I still remember how when I was little, I did something wrong (dropped a bowl of noodles, lied to my mum or bought toys without her permission), and mum would be ready to hurt me with her piercing words. There was nowhere else to go but to just, face the music. “Deal with it, they’re your parents”, or from what I used to learn, “honour your fathers and your mothers”. Thanks to all that teachings, I’ve blurred out the meanings between safe boundaries and growth, and that going into an unsafe or challenging situation is always going to grow you, discipline you and toughen you up.

That then locked in the reality that suffering = growth because the world reflected positive impressions of me toughening up (like how my cell group used to tell me that I’m growing in my struggles, encouraging to keep fighting on, and how the Bible reaffirmed my struggle with all the examples of those that suffered for Christ).

And one of the hardest part came when I was told that my parents “shouldn’t” divorce cause it was against God’s will. And I was told by my paternal relatives that I need to be the “instrument of God” to help mend their relationships back. Even in the peak of their marriage disaster or unworkability, I have to at least “try” to make things work out, and make sure they never decide to divorce.

And I was so scared…because my family was all a part of “sin”, and I shouldn’t be “living” in a part of sin.

So I had to basically live in my dangerously volatile situation of my broken family. In hopes that I can help to “fix” it all. Else if I didn’t even try, I would be perpetuating their broken “sinful “ situation, and I would be a part of their “sin”.

So I guess this made me who I am. Broken, distraught and the Jun Rong that was stuck in a false hope thinking that things will get better when I fix their problems, and eventually it doesn’t. Nothing moves. And I get so disappointed… and put it on myself to be blamed.

And now, I’m just happy that I have decided to finally give up on it all, and decide to take care of myself. My current verdict is that if they want to continue being where they are, then so be it. It’s about time that I learn to take care of myself when all this while I’ve been told what to do, who to be, and how I should feel about my own personal issues… and maybe. Just maybe, I can entertain more and more the possibility that I can run the fuck away from all these and live the life that I truly want to live.

(P.s. I know this is religious stuff, and I don’t know everyone here. And I’ve been hurt by what christianity has bought to me. I’m happy of having this safe space to air my thoughts and am super grateful for @Rick for managing all these spaces. So if you’re a religious/ a christian, Pls respect that this is my journey and I choose to own it in that way).

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Thank you.

I’ve always known in my core that the Freedom to run away from that which does not serve us, that does not serve our humanity or our spirit, is crucial for thriving.

I’ve run from many things, when viewed from a certain vantage point.

I’ve run TO what matters, the kind of love, relating, expressing, boundaries, and yeah choice for how people choose to embody their wholeness and their holiness.

Love to you, Dear Heart…

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That’s such a powerful and moving story Jun Rong…and it’s full of the courage and clarity that you embody and that you represent to us who know you. That is you. " Broken, distraught… the Jun Rong that was stuck in a false hope" That was who you were (and maybe you can still find those same feelings if you go searching) but you are absolutely not that person anymore. We can all testify to that.

I can say from my life that having courage and clarity about things doesn’t necessarily mean that you won’t have difficult and unpleasant feelings when behaving courageously and with clarity. Your story is a powerful tale of the hero’s journey and you have the heart of a lion my friend…and even lions sometimes need to run away.

THE HERO’S JOURNEY

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I am moved by your story Jun Rong and so glad that you are finding YOUR way, your truth! Yes, live your beautiful life! Much love to you and your courage.

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Thank you @Rick , @Glenn , @Angelsloveyou :pray:t2: Your support and encouragement is felt from continents away​:wink::relaxed::smiling_face_with_three_hearts: and thanks Glenn, the hero’s journey brings a new and reassuring perspective :blush:

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