Living in the Not Yet Zone
The Not Yet Zone is one of the hardest states of reality for me to cope with. When something is actually a “not yet,” even if I were given it as a gift, I wouldn’t be deeply and completely a YES!
Even if it was a house or a car or a new iPhone model, if they gave it to me… I might be appreciative… I might feel, “oh, that’s better.” But there would be something that says inside me, “This is not actually my Yes… YET.”
I look at most situations and want to improve them. That impulse for something new, something better, something improved, something different—it’s in me. It IS core to me.
If you surgically removed that yearning for “new and better” from me 30 years ago, I wouldn’t actually like my life. I would just be satisfied with exactly the way it is… a flatlined life. But I look at my life over the last 30 years and I continue to grow and be willing and able and even excited about some of the major changes that have happened.
They only happened because of that Yearning energy within me.
- If you take away my desire for new technology, I wouldn’t be dictating this story into my AI transcriber.
- If you took away my desire to engage in fresh ways, I wouldn’t have a digital mind. That took effort. It takes money. It takes attention. I have to steward it.
It’s essential that I continue learning how to be with the yearning so that it is useful — like a knife that cuts to help prepare delicious food to eat (and doesn’t cut off your finger).
There’s a skill in having a quality of yearning where it doesn’t harm you… it serves you.
But the Not Yet Zone? Whoa.
In the Not Yet Zone, people often manage their discomfort by turning a living ‘not yet’ into a dead-end: ‘can’t.’
- I can’t afford it.
- I can’t fit it into my busy schedule.
- I can’t do it by myself.
In your thriving life, those excuses start falling away.
If you have more spaciousness in your time and in the choices over your schedule, guess what? Proclaiming ‘I can’t find the time’? You can’t use that excuse to protect yourself anymore! You’re left either learning to be ok in the Not Yet Zone… or you lie to yourself (and others) that you don’t have the time.
Money’s the same way—“we can’t afford that.” I catch myself sometimes telling the kids, “we can’t afford that,” but it’s not strictly true.
I have the money in my account.
We can afford it.
It’s just a “not yet” or something that isn’t yet a yes to use our time and energy in that way, right now.
The Not Yet Zone can be where we know something’s evolving and changing.
Just reflect on that.
How do we keep from just giving in to the impulse, the craving, the desire… and going for it because we can?
What do we do with that energy in a way that serves us and our thriving rather than just gives in to a craving?
We don’t want to be a human without yearnings. But if yearnings lead to frustrations and desperations, they devolve into cravings.
Cravings are much harder to resist.
It’s like the difference between “I would really enjoy some chocolate cake” …to… “I need some chocolate cake” …down to… “I’m desperate for chocolate cake right NOW!”
If your craving gets to the point of desperation, chances are you’re going to succumb. Even if it’s crappy chocolate cake.
At that point, you actually do need the chocolate cake psychologically. The “or else” has become too strong to resist in a healthy way.
Yet if we get good at handling Not Yet… we smile and say, “I am imagining a chocolate cake that’s really worth it. Worth digesting, worth savoring. But it’s Not Yet. And that’s ok. I can even imagine and savor the experience to come!”
The Not Yet Zone is a place where, by default, before we develop skill, our survival brain is in charge. It comes down to impulse control.
Do we have any capacity to wait? If we don’t, then we’re driven by impulses. That’s the reality of our emotional savvy. Accepting that truth allows us to recognize that there are skills that we need to develop. EFT Tapping makes that much easier to do.
As we start thriving physically, emotionally, spiritually, financially, and technologically, the Not Yet Zone is where we’ll engage most of our yearnings.
Are we okay with that? The more okay we get with yearnings, the more savvy and skillful we get being in the Not Yet Zone… the more aliveness we’ll feel. Alive with possibilities. Expanding potential. Engaging life with wonder and curiosity.
Energy comes to us in the Not Yet Zone.
However… this emotional energy can collapse into disappointment, despair, and desperation, too. Developing skills to catch ourselves when/if/before this happens is an essential part of emotional resilience.
I aspire for all of us to embrace the aliveness… to be curious, exploring, imagining, intending, and even hoping. To be Free — free to try on fresh possibilities. To evolve with more flow and power.
I love exploring this. Living savvy in the Not Yet Zone, even though it still causes me discomfort at times, feels core for a thriving life that is deliciously sustainable.
Useful Concepts for Thriving in This Story
-
Allowing
The extended Powerful Pause that lets energy consolidate and situations ripen into clarity or release. -
Clarity
Knowing what matters so we can hear inner wisdom, choose the next YES, and act. -
Savvy
Practical wisdom blended with emotional intelligence and discernment. -
Responsive
Creating intentional space between what happens and how we choose to meet it. -
Thriving
Wholehearted engagement with life’s unfolding through emotional freedom, connection, and inspired action.