It’s striking to me how my walks vary from day to day, even when I choose the same route. It’s… a stunning acknowledgement that my “state of existence” is non-linear. Of course, how many perfectly straight lines are there in Nature? I’m more… beautiful chaos unfolding.
What came up for me is how I can feel differently from hour to hour. When an emotion or feeling arises that needs to be tapped on, I allow myself to feel my “state of existence” at the time because I find myself trying to push away the uncomfortable feelings. So I am practicing remembering to feel those uncomfortable feelings and meet myself where I am because that is when the healing begins.
Some years ago I came to the realization that, for me at least, life is experienced in ‘moments’…it’s a moment to moment affair. A moment could be an hour or a few seconds…it’s imprecise like life itself is and certainly isn’t linear like clock time is. Things change and reshape moment to moment. I wish I could inhabit a more steady state…that seems it would very likely be an easier existence. Maybe the experience I’m describing is symptomatic of…something…maybe trauma from the uncertainty of my childhood upbringing…I don’t know.
One of my fave artists, John Prine sang it this way…
"That’s the way that the world goes 'round
You’re up one day, the next you’re down
It’s half an inch of water and you think you’re gonna drown
That’s the way that the world goes 'round"
As I listened to the song, googled the full lyrics and thought about what you said @Glenn I realized that I probably experience life like this too. I love to read and I can read a sentence or two that brings up feelings which I usually stop reading and feel into what I’m feeling. The last couple of days I’ve felt on the verge of tears. No reason why but an ad on TV will trigger them, or a scene in a movie, a thought, a memory. I read something on Facebook yesterday from someone I cared about and felt mildly triggered but soon after I felt a bit nauseous with a pinch in my stomach. For a while I had no idea why, then I realized I was reacting to the triggering. I sense a lot of us highly sensitive souls react to life this way. I’m all for an easier existence too my friend.
Yes. One of my dear old dad’s favourite expressions was ‘Good things don’t last’. Over the years I came to some mmmm… softness about him and his pessimistic view of life. However, that expression continued to intrude and, eventually, I came to realize that it wasn’t just ‘an expression’ – it was an underlying, foundational concept in my creation of my life experience.
Good things don’t last – so don’t get excited about anything, don’t try TOO hard 'cause, you know, you’re going to be disappointed and what ever you do, don’t expect to be satisfied, hell, no! And so it transpired…for way too many years…
I started seriously questioning myself in my late forties; stumbled through my fifties – still questioning, but still not-seeing that ingrained perspective that subtly undermined my efforts to, as you put it, Glenn “inhabit a more steady state”; doubts and self-blame and all the rest of it…
A couple of years ago, in my mid-sixties (finally!!) – during a tapping session for some unrelated issue – the clarifying (and, of course, oh so obvious once I saw it) realization stopped me mid-tap, which was: Of COURSE ‘good things don’t last’ – because each MOMENT doesn’t ‘last’ – it’s not supposed to!
Life really IS a series of experienced moments – and by trying to hold on to a particular ‘good thing’ – aka a particular moment – I was blocking the NEXT ‘good thing’ from evolving… I thought – it’s just the same as holding onto trauma; either way, I’m trying to stop ‘experiencing’ because I’ve defined what is a ‘good thing’ or a ‘bad thing’ and locked my perspective onto MY definitions and to hell with the natural flow of Energy, dammit :o) Typical ‘fear control’, innit?
Thanks for this post – I’m always grateful to be reminded of something…Good :o) And it was, for me. One day at a time isn’t just a phrase for me anymore, and “flow me to my next steps today, Energy” is my daily invitation to Life. I’m much less reactive and self-protective these days
Happy New Year!
I hadn’t realized how “hard” I landed after an uplifting experience and how that hard landing was making me avoid feeling Really Good.
Day ends, night begins. Rain ends, sun rises. Ecstasy ends (before we die of intense pleasure!)
Learning to savor helped me a lot. Reflecting. Allowing the energy to settle, refresh, recalibrate… flow onwards when ready.
Thanks Jo for your words and share!
Thanks for the deeply considered and deeply moving response Jo…I truly appreciate it. It’s amazing how a simple little phrase spoken by someone influential to us can embed itself into our psyche so deeply. I’ve heard the term ‘thought virus’ before and it’s a pretty good metaphor for how these things work. And who knows exactly what that phrase actually meant to your father? You know for sure how you interpreted it…but do you know if your interpretation matched your father’s? Was it completely pessimistic for him? Just curious.
Money was always a tension and an argument between my parents when I was growing up and I clearly remember having the thought/sensation as a kid that “I’m never going to worry about money!.” Well, I realized many years later as an adult that notion can be translated into a number of different behaviours and attitudes. It could mean something like ‘I’m going to make sure I have enough money so that it is never a worry for me’. As it turns out my interpretation was more like ‘If I have no money then there’s nothing to argue or worry about’. It’s a pretty simplistic logic but it is logical…'if I don’t have that thing in my life that causes worry and makes people argue then I won’t have worries or arguments about it’.
Our Primitive Brains are always active…I don’t think it’s a binary thing where we’re either in our Primitive Brain or we’re in our Thriving Brain…they are both active and alert to our inner and outer experiences all the time. And maybe that’s the thing to be alert to, it seems to me. "Is this interpretation coming from my PB or from my Thriving Brain?"
Hey Glenn – I don’t think my father was deliberately ‘squelching’ – that was just his world-view. Another part of it was that ‘daughters (and women in general) were created to obey’; the ‘daddy knows best’ credo was instilled early and often, along with ‘do as I say, not as I do’ (did you ever get that one?! Grrrrr…) He wasn’t deliberately cruel, never raised a hand to us or anything like that. But he wasn’t supportive, either. Emotionally distant…then physically distant… an old and familiar story, eh?
I smiled when I read your ‘interpretation’ of ‘never going to worry about money’ by not having much. Well, if you can agree that money – anything more than a sufficiency of the stuff – is a ‘good thing’, then you’ll appreciate that that was also a ‘logical’ outcome of my ‘training’. (Of my father’s, too --like me, he managed; anything extra never seemed to stick around, proving (of course) the core belief! What a hamster cage our subconscious programming is!! Hahahahaaaa…)
So despite greying hair and that surprise face in the morning mirror, I’m feeling freer, livelier, more curious, less constricted (yes, even in pandemic bound Ontario!) than ever before. And no, I haven’t ‘won the big one’ :o) It’s just that having recast that old belief, I no longer fret about my future. Today is a good day. And that’s good enough :o)
This is what I was trying to express…(if I’m understanding what you mean)…that he probably wasn’t purposefully trying to inflict his belief on you…he was just expressing “his world-view” as you say. And as children we just absorb this stuff…and often, maybe even most of the time, it doesn’t even need to be expressed in words…simply observing how an influential person behaves is enough for us to adopt a belief or a cluster of beliefs that we presume are driving those behaviours. Sometimes our conclusions about those beliefs are accurate and sometimes we are way off. That I know from experience… But it’s powerful stuff…so much so that even being aware of it doesn’t necessarily alter our attitudes and behaviours that those beliefs are driving…as you are clearly well aware of I know. This being human thing is a real trip, no?
Where are you in Ont.? I was born in North Bay and lived in T.O for many years before moving out to B.C.
I’m currently in a tiny rural town in north Durham region – far from any madding crowds, thankfully :o)
North Bay, eh? You must be feeling right at home with the current weather in BC! Hahahaaa…
I’ve been out west for a bit more than 30 years so I don’t have much ‘muscle memory’ left for surviving this cold…lol. It’s been good though…I’ve had a couple nice walks around a nearby golf course and walking in the snow and cold has activated some nice memories of growing up in that climate. It age regresses me. And I don’t really even own any proper winter clothes anymore… My two daughters are in T.O. One in Scarborough, one around Yonge & Eglington. I lived in T.O for about 12 years…I don’t think I could happily live there again. It was a kinder, gentler city when I lived there.
Yes, I agree; a lot of changes in the area in those thirty years, not all for the good…
However – Glenn, I want to apologise for my appallingly insensitive remark about the weather – I was out of line…
In the past, weather jokes have been fair game. But not now, and especially given the horrific extremes folks in the West have experienced this year, and are continuing to experience. If it was just a matter of unusual snowfall, well, okay --but it’s not and I know that and I’m very sorry for my knee-jerk flippancy.
Don’t get frost-bite while regressing, okay!! Jo
I don’t feel there’s a need for you to apologize about your weather comment…it was light hearted, playful and humourous…I see no offense in it. I mean, sheesh, if we add weather to the continuously lengthening list of things we’re not suppose to talk about we’ll have nothing to talk about!!
Thanks, Glenn :o) From light-heart to yours!