How many times have we been told we are too sensitive, or get over it? How many times have we smiled and said we were ok when we really weren’t? I like this quote by Jeff Brown. I would rather say my truth and be authentic, how about you?
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So much of my “hiding” feelings was about keeping from being bullied. Advice from adults was to not let the bullies get away with it, which lead to fights and punishment for me, then brown belt in karate, then breaking a kids ribs in middle school hallway after he attacked me and NOT getting in trouble (teachers had ignored his bullying of me for months; he’d knock my notebooks out of my hand between classes).
I needed someone to hold space for me, and I also needed a frame-change where it wasn’t okay to bully. It saddens me that so many schools fail so badly at even BASIC emotional safety. They wonder why people cannot learn (we do not store long term information when our primitive brain is on high alert).
Why I’ve homeschooled all my kids.
I know this isn’t exactly Jeff’s point. As adults we also need to have space held for us, for us to be hurt, pissed, frustrated. That can be hard. Heck, it’s hard for me to be with the energy of intense frustration even if it is from a baby!
That’s the skill, though, right? To be able to hold space by being a Space Holder with the skill to keep calming self, offering calming to the we-space, confident we won’t get washed away, and having sufficient support so we as Space Holders are not alone.
Thanks for sharing…
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It may not have been Jeff’s point but whatever comes up for us when we read something or hear something that activates us is what is important.
I was activated by the post remembering how I felt as a child being bullied and called names because of my mouth cleft. I was also hard of hearing and the kids acted like I was stupid. How interesting that no one knew how to hold space for me during this painful part of my childhood. My mother did the best she could and I had an adoring grandmother and aunts.
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I needed someone to hold space back then and I still do now. I feel more skilled and aware at holding space for others, but I do find myself apologizing for my needs or for being a downer if I am being real. I’d like to do less of that. Thanks for this chain.
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Did you ever think, Dru, that holding space for you would be an honor? However I do respect how you find your self apologizing for your needs.
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