Freshen Up Your Self-Image

 Real Skills Workshop - Community Event

RS 2022-03-29 Freshen-1200x630

Freshen Up Your Self-Image

Real Skills Workshop: Be Calm and Confident

Hosts: Rick Wilkes (@Rick) and Cathy Vartuli (@Cathy)

Recorded Tue Mar 29 2022

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My Self-Image could use a day at the spa…okay, a week…


:rofl: Right there with ya, Glenn!!


I had an hour at the spa today, salt soak with my sweetie. Ahhh, freshened self-image. :grin:


How glorious!!! So happy for you both!


Our Mirror Gets Murky and Mucky

Living life has a way of making our self-image feel a bit… hazy, even dirtied by interactions we’ve had with others.

Negative interactions with others can muck things up. It may not even be “criticism.” It might even be someone in emotional pain and distress that we don’t seem to help make better!

Are you feeling like you can accurately see where you are and who you are right now?

How about allowing yourself to see yourself in a fresh new way, just as you are? With Your Wants, Needs, Abilities, Dreams!

We’re going to gather together this coming Tuesday, March 29th and freshen up our self-image. Clean up. Clear up. Accept. Delight!

:point_right: Replay Below

We as a community practice generosity every day. For those who need a supportive gift, attend as our guest. For those who can share a bit (or more than a bit), please do and thank you!

We even have a fresh new One-Time Circle Membership on a gliding scale that includes all Real Skills Workshops (and much more)!

Our self-image impacts what we’re willing to dream and how we express our heartistry. Let’s freshen together!

Rick & Cathy
Your Emotional Freedom Coaches

P.S. Adira says, “I feel like I’ve changed… but is all this really ME or something I’m enmeshed in!!!”

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I think Adira is enmeshed and entangled in love…


Aww, yes she is. And I do love her little feet peeking out.

And that is one of @Norene 's painting on the wall to the right. Thanks Norene!


Those chubby little (miraculous) feets are wonderful!!!


:blush: You are so very welcome! I am honored!


Identity Energy Boost!

It’s a flower! Bursting up through the soil despite the cold and wind. This plant knows that it flowers as an essential part of its nature. So… woosh! It channels its life force into… Flowering!

What do you know is an essential part of YOUR nature?

What we can know to be true of ourselves in our core is what is commonly called self-image. But that fails to really capture the power inherent in our identity energy.

What matters to you so much that it can hurt?

That can give us clues… clues to what is so dear to us that we have it interwoven into the fibers of us. And when that essence is suppressed or depleted or directed where it doesn’t really matter to us… we’re not going to feel thriving.

We want to celebrate your essences and ours. We want to tune into, remind, and freshen up what uniquely matters to each of us, and yes, channel energy into its flowering… its beautiful and inspiring expression.

(This does not have to be a Big Deal, or make a Big Impact to be worthy work. It can be subtle. A micro-celebration even!)

Our next Real Skills Workshop uses the term self-image because, well, we want to help evolve it. Self-image often gets mucked up by how other people see us (or how we interpret their reactions). Self-image often gets captured by history, especially traumatic history, where we can feel like we’re living in the past.

For me, self-image is what I am aware of about myself, that I value, that I consciously channel life force energy into.

I used to get a lot of energy from my identity as a dancer. But who is a dancer? What has to happen for someone to keep identifying as a dancer? I became aware that the self-image of myself as a dancer needed… freshening.

So… what matters to me about dancing? FREEDOM! CELEBRATION! Movement of this living vessel of me. Crafting with energy. Tuning to the rhythms we share in music and hearts beating.

I can do this dancing while making dinner. I did just that the other day! It freshened up my self-image because “dancer” was embodied in freedom to listen, respond, celebrate, and yeah, let my inner goofy burst forth and flower for a song or two.

Does this speak to you? Can you feel something precious to you inside that wants to burst forth and bloom this season?

If so, do join Cathy and I and our circle for this shared experience.

:point_right: Replay Below

Part of our identity energy comes from expressing generosity every day. For those who need a supportive gift, please do attend as our guest. For those who can share a bit of financial energy, please do and thank you!

We even have a fresh new One-Time Circle Membership on a gliding scale that includes all Real Skills Workshops (and much more)!

Our identity energy is a source of life at our core that supports our heartistry. Let’s freshen and boost together!

Rick & Cathy
Your Emotional Freedom Coaches

P.S. Adira says, “BE the Wild Flower! Climb and Slide! Boost what Matters!”

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Productive or No?

What has to happen for you to get that boost of energy that comes from being… productive ??

We don’t tend to think that such things are core to our self-image, but in my personal and professional experience, they are essential influences.

If productive means to you “getting it ALL done” then, well, you will likely never see yourself as productive, or it will be so fleeting as to be more disappointing than nourishing.

How do I know? Because that’s what I used to believe! My self-image was tied to getting it done, all done, every day, without fail.

It nearly killed me.

Perhaps a decade or so ago you changed a belief about what it takes to be productive and that served you well… until life changed.

And life has changed for most of us over the past two years.

Which brings us back to a really useful coaching question:

What has to happen now in order for you to see yourself as ____?

This spring I’m freshening up my self-image. That often requires answering questions like this vulnerably.

An example: there’s a part of me that used to live a life where I really could have a clean and uncluttered house. I could feel productive if the house was in “really good shape.” Ahhh, felt so good! Took labor, of course, but still… if I needed a boost to my sense of being productive, I just had to clean up my nest.

Uh-oh. Two kids. Partner who also works. Homeschool and work from home. There’s ALWAYS a dirty dish. Can you relate?

So what has to happen now for me to see myself productive around the house? I do some useful acts of service for myself and those I love = productive!

At work same kind of issues. I needed and still need to redefine productivity and satisfaction in a job well “done” so I am nourished rather than depleted (or self-judged).

Freshening up our self-image means making it at least POSSIBLE for us to experience what matters to us.

Want to see yourself as a good parent, but that time this morning when you got frustrated is hanging out… like a muddy handprint on your heart? That’s why we tap. That’s why we tend to ourselves.

Is there something you really want to accomplish, yet your energy has flowed elsewhere? Sometimes its the self-recrimination that binds us up. We tap together to free ourselves and also, well, quiet the inner rebel who is tired of being seen as less than lovable and worthy.

Does this kind of self-image clean up and clear up feel like it would help you right now?

If so, join Cathy and I and our circle for this experience.

:point_right: Replay Below

Part of our self-image is nourished by living generously every day. For those who need a supportive gift, please do attend as our guest. For those who can share a bit of money energy, please do and thank you!

We even have a fresh new One-Time Circle Membership on a gliding scale that includes all Real Skills Workshops (and much more)!

Our self-image helps tune us to what really matters. Let’s freshen and boost together!

Rick & Cathy
Your Emotional Freedom Coaches

P.S. Adira says, “I’m workin’… I’m workin’… I must dig the whole hole before I smile again!”

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Freshen Up Your Self-Image - Workshop Recording

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Freshen Up Your Self-Image
[00:00:00] Freshen up your self image, a real skills workshop, because we think that rationing up our self-image actually benefits from applying some skill, some practice, some of the things that we’re going to be touching on and exploring tonight, I’m Rick from thriving. Now I’m here with Kathy. Bartoli from thriving now.
[00:00:20] And the intimacy dojo. I can’t be, I love this topic because I think that it’s really easy to get stuck in the reps and our expectations of ourselves, our vision of ourselves, and to not kind of clean them up, clean it up. We get dust on it from experience, random experiences we have with ourselves experiences of watching others.
[00:00:43] And then we just kind of carry them around this, this something that doesn’t fit us. And we’re kind of living a life that isn’t really authentic and ours. So I love the idea of really exploring this and dusting enough. And, and particularly for those of us that are empathetic, that actually feel energy from others.
[00:01:07] Um, I consider a wonderful blessing and it also makes me susceptible. So for example, it’s easy for me. Um, I mentioned about in the newsletter, in the newsletters that went out about dancing. And what I didn’t say is that when I, I don’t think I said it was when I was dancing in the living room, listening to some Latin music, kind of remembering my zoom, but days.
[00:01:32] And now just like, you know, carrying around some asparagus and I was feeling pretty good. And my partner comes in from the garage, grabbed something in the kitchen and heads back out the door, not a smile. Hey, look, And I confirmed with her later, she was kind of like intense, but the look wasn’t for me, it was because she was vacuuming out a whole bunch of stuff in the back of the car while trying to keep a toddler from toddling down the extremely steep driveway.
[00:02:15] And yet like my self image receptors, like who am I? Who am I coming from? The outside world were we’re reached because I care about her. We have a relationship. There’s lots of channels of energy, which we can have. With lots of different people in our world. People that we’re, we serve on a board with, um, uh, people that we work with, people that are neighbors, people that are all kinds of different things.
[00:02:52] So those of us that have sensors that pick up energy from others, we can end up feeling things about ourselves, which are a bit like, as you said, dust, but it can also feel. Someone wrote to me that she feels like she’s got sand and dirt and poop, and a lot of other things as a really, truly sensitive person that have kind of made their way to impact her self image.
[00:03:22] It’s true. If I’m covered with who and I look in the mirror, my image of myself is very different than if I’m, if I go within and I know myself as, oh yeah, I’m Rick and it’s time for a shower. So freshening up our self image. Um, it can, we can be impacted in those ways from the external can also be impacted of course, from internal stuff to write copy.
[00:03:51] Yes. And I think one of the things that happens is, um, sometimes we don’t even realize it’s happening. It’s not fishing water thing where we’re like, We haven’t experienced that causes pain or maybe someone else side does some maintenance says something to us, but we don’t even understand that we’re steering away from what this thing is.
[00:04:12] Like we subconsciously just avoid it. And so I’d love to, if, if you’re willing to go on a short, gentle meditation with me, um, just so that, to help you notice some of the things that you might not be noticing about yourself, if that feels right, how has your self identity maybe being dented or impinged upon by beliefs that you’re not even aware of?
[00:04:35] What are you avoiding? So if that feels okay with you, I’ll be very gentle and you can, you can take care of yourself, however you like, but I invite you to take a gentle, deep breath in and let yourself just kind of sink down in your body a little bit. Imagine you can kind of feel your butt on the chair.
[00:04:54] Not as your body, like your, your being in your body that far, if that helps and then take another deep breath and just let your self feel your feet on the floor, wiggle your toes and notice the texture there, the temperature of the air between your toes and knowing that you’re safe here. And now if it’s safe for you to do so, just like if you’re not driving or something, just gently close your eyes and let yourself just be friendly with your body for a minute.
[00:05:23] Just kind of like, Hey, I’m here with you. We’ve got this together. We’re going to do this together. And just imagine the debut behind you, the dis the day you just had, and just let yourself kind of feel yourself in your body, going through your day and invite yourself to notice any place that you might have avoided.
[00:05:49] So inexperienced. Or told yourself you weren’t allowed to have something, some places that you were steering away from something you would really like to have because you either don’t think it’s possible for you or you think there might be dangerous or painful. And just, just be with that for a minute, just let yourself be in your day.
[00:06:13] And if you, if it feels right, if you’re drawn to, you can expand it to, so it doesn’t have to be just today. It can be this week or this month, and just breathe deeply and invite your subconscious to let thoughts and memories float to the surface. There’s no right or wrong. You’re just curious. Is there some way that you’re holding yourself back from having the experience that you’d like to, is there some way that your self image has gotten impacted.
[00:06:44] So that you’re not letting yourself see yourself. As Rick said, as a dancer or what is it? You’re not letting yourself see yourself as take another nice deep breath. Let yourself sink just a little bit deeper into your body. Noticing that you’re safe here. And now that you’re with people that are caring and generous and helpful and curious about the same thing.
[00:07:17] And just let your subconscious know that it can bring up the idea when it feels safe. If it doesn’t feel safe doing it right now, it’s welcome to bring them up in dreams or daydreams. And just let you let yourself notice a little more where you might be limited limiting yourself a little more, where you might be holding yourself back and even he thinks it’s not possible to have what you want being aware of that consciously and reexamining.
[00:07:45] It might let you find other ways to experience that. For instance, Rick, if Rick decided he wanted to be a prima ballerina, it might be really hard. He should have started training when he was four, but he can be a dancer. If he, in other ways he can express himself in other ways. So let yourself just be curious about these ideas.
[00:08:08] What, if you could do it a different way than you thought. What if you could experience more empowerment and more vitality in your self image than you thought you could have? I mean, just think your subconscious, your body, just notice that you’ve let yourself relax just a little bit deeper. And then if you’d like to gradually bring your awareness back to here and now, do you want to wiggle your toes and set up a little straighter, take a breath and look around.
[00:08:43] And if you, you have things that came to you, one really great way to anchor them is to type. If you want to write them down, you can type them in the chat if you want to share, because we’d love to celebrate that. Well, we won’t read your name. We would just share the concept of it. Or if you write it down, I always have lots of sticky notes around so I can write things down.
[00:09:02] Um, Something that our subconscious has been practicing withholding from us. It tends to just wipe it away. It distracts us in the like how, what was that thought? It was really good, but it’s gone. So I encourage you. If you did have something, come up to write it down. If you haven’t had something where I had come up, you may want to keep a pen and paper by your bed tonight, just as you, because a lot of times when we’re drifting in and out of sleep, some of these things will come forward and ping us.
[00:09:38] Yeah, I just, I’m thinking it’s important to notice how much I, sometimes I’m not aware of how much I hold myself back. And, uh, I know our brains are really careful about protecting ourselves. So I got really used to not being around humans and during COVID. And I didn’t realize how much I, like things have opened up a lot more in California.
[00:09:57] Now their numbers are super low and I was like, not reaching out to people. I was not doing some of the things that are really good for me that feel really Revit revitalizing, just because I’ve gotten used to it’s in my subconscious, this program to people dangerous. So it’s, you know, that’s something I’d like to just shift a little bit because I do enjoy people.
[00:10:18] I like getting outside and seeing, seeing people and watching them. So.
[00:10:25] If someone shared, they had a lot of non-specific fear come up and that’s, that’s no problem. Um, I think that’s, I love that you shared it, shared that thought and maybe notice how that feels fear feels in your body. Um, and that part of your system may be afraid of seeing yourself with more possibility that may not feel safe to your system.
[00:10:47] And that may be something that’s valid here and now, but a lot of the fears we learned and the limitations that we learned are from when we were really young. And even if we got past them traumas, like COVID was traumatic and it can reactivate old traumas that we had when we were little that we kind of got past, we learned that we didn’t have to hold on to them anymore.
[00:11:09] If they weren’t completely cleaned out, sometimes a new trauma can kind of, oh, I’m scared to have more possibility. I’m scared to see my identity freshened up. So I appreciate your sharing that. I want that. I really want to be able to maintain a more consistent energy and productivity stream throughout the day and go be more physically active.
[00:11:36] And this is where as in, we can want something. Part of self-image to me is where does that land in your, in your core? I talked about identity, energy, and many different energy models of the human existence. Talk about core energy, the energy that is deep, deeper in us. Um, the visceral organ, you know, even our meridians are labeled two major organ systems and a governing energy of us.
[00:12:19] Um, and so for example, Consistent energy. Like when, when I try that on, and this is you can, if you’re looking for more concern, if consistent energy is something that you say, oh, I want more consistent energy. Um, you can try on like, at your core, are you like that consistent light? Like at your core? Is that the way your energy orientation is.
[00:12:56] Now some people they’re like I’ve worked with and they’re like, yeah, I am like the sun. And while the sun fluctuates a bit, um, there’s a constancy to that. And so when you touch that, that aspect of yourself, you can be like, ah, I’m consistent for me. I want it to be consistent. And as I really tuned into my core energy, I am like, Spontaneous weather system and the Appalachian mountains going to be 22 in the morning and 74 in the afternoon.
[00:13:44] And sometimes the reverse of that. And so like inside of me, I can tune to the intelligence of my own weather. And so if my self image tries to go in the direction of consistent energy, I am actually moving away from my core for some people they’re moving toward their core. And so I wanted to use that as an example, so that, um, you know, if it hits your brain, oh, I want more consistent energy.
[00:14:19] Like for me, I have consistent energy. As long as I’m tuning to the rhythmic cycles of me that are a bit more spontaneous mornings, have a particular energy afternoons evenings, but it’s not. Predictable, you couldn’t map me out in the same way. I can’t map me out, but I can risk be responsive. And that’s where, you know, this is part of this, the skill here.
[00:14:48] Um, again, like also on, on being more physically active, like tuning to R and again, like it’s Kathy brought us into meditation, whether you call it meditation or just like going into your skin as fear and feeling for something that’s deeper than just thought you can. Sometimes I had to learn this by following my breath down into my chest and in the heart region and, and ballet.
[00:15:22] I don’t belly breathe particularly well, it’s not a skill that I’ve been able to like natural law. If I go within like the physicality, where’s the impulse, the craving to be physical, the alive newness, the, the, you as a living pulsing, vibrant, vital being, um, again, One of the reasons I needed this workshop and wanted this workshop is that, um, self-image, to me is a inner awareness.
[00:16:02] Um, and it’s assaulted pretty constantly by external, um, influences what I do and what I don’t do is an external thing. That’s different from who I am and how I choose to know myself and see myself feel myself. So, um, any others that you wanted to bring? Yeah, I think someone else shared a feeling of shame and unworthiness.
[00:16:27] So that could be a pin like, like a lot of non-specific fears, shame and worthiness. There may be some part of you feels protective. Um, and does it is afraid of you shifting. And that’s a reversal that in, in, when we’re doing energy work, it’s called reversal. Like part of us is resistant to change. And I think it’s very important to acknowledge that that, that part is there for you to wants to support you.
[00:16:54] It wants and cares about you and is trying to help you so fighting. I tend to get a beat on my, like I still, after all these years will still first go to like, I’m going to force it, which never works. That part is really strong, but I’m like, okay, thank you. I get that. You’re really afraid. I get the year really ashamed and maybe you feel unworthy of this.
[00:17:16] Um, and then I try to identify where that part came in or what it’s protecting me from. And then I have something specific I can do tapping on because if I’m just fighting. There’s way. I think if we have small traumas, a lot of people talk about countability and just power through when we have small traumas or small things that are resistant, we can sometimes override them.
[00:17:38] Or some people have trained their willpower to the point where they run over themselves all the time. But I don’t like that feeling. I feel divided and resistant and having to put a lot of work in all the time. So what I’d rather do is go, oh wow, you’re protecting me. Thank you. What, you know, what do you think is really scary?
[00:17:57] Where did you learn this? What are you, what are you afraid of? And start picking that up, you know, working with that part until maybe there’s something I really do need to be afraid. Or more likely, it’s some old belief that I can help. I can transform the tapping. And then all of a sudden that part is like, yeah, let’s do it.
[00:18:16] So I have twice as much energy to move forward. So I really appreciate, I, I imagine that sharing about fears and shames and worthiness is like, I imagine that’s really vulnerable and I really appreciate people sharing that because that can get in the way it’s a big deal. And I did, I was also touched someone shared.
[00:18:35] They’ve been through a lot when we have a lot of trauma, someone who’d been through, uh, abusive relationship and then COVID combined and there’s a lot of hiding energy involved, then that’s normal and good. And I think we can, I’d like to say, like, we’re going to talk about baby steps a little more later, but like, If I was a scared rabbit or I had a scared rabbit, I’m not going to throw it out in the middle of a large field with lots of things happening.
[00:19:02] I’m going to go, okay, Jen, like our survival brain is really scared. It’s like you have been through a lot. We’ve been, the system has been through a lot of trauma. COVID was very traumatic. I don’t have to go run a marathon tomorrow. What if I just walked out my front yard and enjoyed it? Um, and it kind of segues, like someone said, they’re afraid to explore a new place they live, which is a really beautiful place as a result of shelter in place for so long.
[00:19:29] Um, especially by themselves. And I don’t like to do things that I’m scared of by me. I really don’t and sometimes it’s hard to find new people to do things, especially move to a new area. You might not have as many people. So the combination of like baby steps, like I don’t have to go to all the tourist destinations.
[00:19:48] Maybe I can take a walk around the block and help my brain to feel a little safer. Maybe I can look on, meet up and see if they have some small outing clubs that I could join, like baby steps and really understanding that our systems are overwhelmed. I think our society sucks at that. We’re supposed to just go back out there and get her done.
[00:20:07] And I don’t think our systems work well. That way we’re constantly fighting our fear and we can actually retraumatize ourselves and anchor that it’s scary and hard and bad versus very gentle ways to do it. You, you, uh, when you said fight your peers, for example, there are people who in their identity, their self image is I fight my fears.
[00:20:30] I conquer my fear. Um, and if, if that is really true, then excellent. And you see them and they talk about it and they put that out there. Um, I am that doesn’t work for me like that is so not me, you know, it, it it’s, it’s definitely not. Um, so for me, this is where self-image can help. So. I’m been really contracted and I have been right, like protection and COVID and everything else.
[00:21:10] Like there were, there were restrictions put on me and there were restrictions in choices that my family made also. So if, if I’m looking at, oh, okay. Freshening up my self image and I invite you, um, if you’d like to be out there in the world, like, what is true for you? Like, oh, I actually like to explore now.
[00:21:37] That’s true for me within my territory. Okay. So. If I’m in a new place, what I like to do is extend out my territory. Like I start close to home and I start noticing and feeling for the energetics of it. And can you tell, like, okay, now I’m freshening up my self image. It’s like, oh yeah. When I started doing my morning miles, which was my first one, oh, the one closest to home.
[00:22:12] Right. And then I would like go a little further and go a little further. Cause I’m exploring. But part of it is mapping out the energy space. Like I’m an energetic person. I can feel the energy between like a block of, of houses that are just like really off for my energy and places that would be really uplifting and nourishing.
[00:22:37] So if, if it that kind of Explorer, maybe you look, you want. To be inspired. So, oh, you know, I’m going with, I love to have my artistry inspired. And so I’m going to go with just the idea that I’m going to freshen up my inspiration and that that’s the thing. So like you, you find things that are connected core to you.
[00:23:10] Things that matter, that feel congruent with how you see yourself, like somebody I’m looking at, you might say, oh, you need to get out more. Well, you just need to go back to dance. Well, you just need to like, ah, that’s when we start rebelling and I’d love it. If you’d lead us in a tapping on like rebelling, the, the willpower have to should kind of thing here.
[00:23:37] Um, I want you to take a nice deep breath, karate chop, all these sheds, all these sheds and shouldn’t I should do this. Now. I should do this now. I shouldn’t do that later. I shouldn’t do that later. I ought to be doing that. I ought to be doing more, but that would, yeah, that would fix everything.
[00:24:05] I’m sorry, but that’s what they tell me. It would fix everything. They tell me, it’ll just fix everything and I don’t want to, and I don’t want to, you can’t make me, you can’t make me. I re I refuse. I refuse side of the eye. You can’t make me. You can’t make me under the I no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
[00:24:37] Under the nose I can’t make me. I can’t make me either. Jen. I do better. When I listened to my guidance. I do better. When I listened to my, my inner guidance collarbone, the sheds just make me back away, make me back away under the arm. What do I get to do here? What do I get to be here top of the head? I’m really curious about that.
[00:25:12] Really curious about that. I wrote are there baby steps I can take that would help me other baby steps I can take that would help me Saturday night. Maybe it’s just pulling up a map to explore on online. Maybe it’s just filling up a map and exploring with my energy online under the eye. What if I know what it looks like?
[00:25:33] What if I know what it looks like under the nose that might help me call my survival brain
[00:25:42] that does help me call my survival brain.
[00:25:47] What if I Googled reviews online? All the pictures collarbone. What if I just walked around my block? If I just walked around my block under there, I’m really curious. What’s aligned for me. I’m really curious. What’s aligned for me and who I know myself to be top of the head. What if they let these thoughts and sheds just float away?
[00:26:12] Yeah, I’m going to let the arts and studs float away. Just take a breath and notice how your body feels about that.
[00:26:24] And Rick has a great riff refusal tapping on thriving. Now I have listened to it as late in times. It’s so good. It just like, no, no, no, no, no. And I listened to that and tap a lot when I get a lot of aunts and sheds from, uh, family members. And no, you can’t make me as the male, but yes, it’s very good. So I encourage you.
[00:26:43] If you’re feeling stuck on that, that’s a great one to have on your speed dial and just notice our brains will OD on us too, or shit on us. And sometimes we can just tap on that. Like, no, I can’t make me like inviting myself to just let that go.
[00:27:02] If I feel like someone around me is more intelligent than I am. And my clues for those who are sort of super underground, uh, superficial, uh, that I won’t have something to offer them in the way I’m not at their level, their level. I shut down. I have no idea why. And when I decided that always being able to elevate conversation forward or offer someone perspective new information and being a thought leader became so important and core to my identity.
[00:27:31] Um, so, um, this is, this is where we can, we can get something into our core identity that, um,
[00:27:53] part of freshening it is, I believe. To say, and my way of doing that, or my way of being with that is, and find something that like it, when I hear like checking out or dissociating, um, or like shutting down or feeling less intelligent than, um, so thought leader for some people I used to have, uh, my, my domain was
[00:28:29] Do you know what leader is not? I had it as my identity and it didn’t fit. It was a shoe that was just really awkward. Um, so for me, facilitating. I like to make things easy. Now, some people might call me a leader, but I don’t identify as a leader. I’m, I’m an engager. I’m a co-creator, I’m, I’m somebody who enjoys engaging around things that matter.
[00:28:57] I’ll put some assertive energy into it, but like thought leader, um, really feel into, oh, now what that really means to me. Energetically I, and I don’t believe anyone else can answer that for us. Um, I offer you some of my reframe for it. This is the reframe of something that we want, but maybe we haven’t landed on the energetics that like, ah, yes.
[00:29:32] In a situation like this, where someone I’m getting the sense that they there’s there’s this thing going on, or that they have a particular kind of intelligence that is different than mine. Oh, cool. So like neurodiversity, I have friends who have intelligences that I don’t have, and if I try to meet them in that way, So like, oh, I actually can celebrate a diversity of intelligence.
[00:30:12] Ah, now I relax. If I’m trying to match them like memorization and fluency and languages and things. When I meet people that just have that as like, Hmm, no, no, no, no. You know, they speak 12 languages. Um, I don’t I’m I’m on day 680 of duo lingo. And I’m still in like really, I sometimes can read a tweet that’s in Spanish, but like in my identity, I don’t, I’m not trying to hold fluency.
[00:30:45] Like multi-lingual when I am as like I am, I appreciate that each language has its own poetry and energetics to it. And there is something about when I hear people speaking, a language that speak that really say. The vibration of it sings to me. I want to understand it a bit more deeply and a bit more deeply.
[00:31:10] Can you see how, if I hold, like I am multilingual, I tried that for about a week. I felt really off. And as I tapped on it, like, what actually am I here? Uh, yeah, I’m an appreciator of vibration, including the vibration of language is that I, I love that you shared that. And I think that one of the ways I can get caught up in that, I hang out with a lot of engineering types, philosophy that, you know, people that just want to like one up them and there’s a status race to see, oh, I know that character.
[00:31:44] I know this, I know that D oh, you said the name wrong and I can get caught up in that. It’s not fun for me. It’s a lot of adrenaline and I don’t really relax into it until I, if I invite myself to be of service to the community, to the group and myself, and then I can, I don’t know how they’ll receive what I say.
[00:32:03] I don’t have any control over that, but I also know people have come back to me years later and said, you know, that thing you said, which to me, I was like, worried that people thought it was stupid or whatever. They were really touched by that. So I think we can share what’s in our heart, what we think is useful and then kind of let the universe and that other person take what they can.
[00:32:22] So when I stopped being status, race, and start being just like, do I feel drawn in my heart to share this? Whether it’s useful to them or not, then I share it. Um, and just being of service to me was one of the ones, one of the ways I got out of that, that loop. Um, and when you were talking there, I’m having known you now for, you know, 2007, like, I feel the congruence like, oh, Kathy will speak and share.
[00:32:57] With the vulnerable courage to not know how it’s going to be taken. Um, but like I I’m aware having been on calls and workshops that, that you, if you feel that that rising truth in you, you will write it. You’ll speak it. And I know having been the recipient of, of that kind of, that, it’s not only congruent in your core, but it also, I believe when, when we’re acting from that congruence, other people can feel more free to be who they are.
[00:33:38] Um, that’s where self image is not, is not competitive. Um, if there’s a competition going on, that’s not actually what I mean by our self image. Our self image is a self-knowing on a self knowledge where you get to feel for how true something feels to you. Um, we should like to go. Um, I think I’d love to talk a little bit about how outside, like go a little bit deeper about how the outside impacts us sometimes external.
[00:34:13] And for me, there’s, there’s the. There’s different levels, like different levels of poles. So there’s a societal level and like, oh, old people you’re getting old. This is just what happens. Like, like, it seems like a universe, like, oh, I’m a little achy today. Oh, that’s what happens when you get old. I’m like personally as a five-year-old.
[00:34:34] Yeah, exactly. Like I was five. I remember aching and like wondering what that was. So like bodies aches sometimes. And then we just have a societal gravitational pull, like that’s age. There’s no escape versus, oh, well I know I ate a bunch of sugar yesterday and I know that makes my joints sore the next day.
[00:34:52] Like, do I, you know, is it worth it to eat the sugar? I’m going to ake the next day. So. You know, as opposed to like, I have more control when I’m not falling into the societal traps of universal. Like, this is what happens when he got old. And then we have family pools are family, family stories that can really make it hard to see our own identity.
[00:35:15] They kind of obscure. It’s like wearing someone else’s glasses. They’re probably not going to be in focus. And they may be pointed at something that in a direction we don’t want to go. And I think that’s something we chip away at gradually like society and family and friends or whatever. We’re gradually learning who we are.
[00:35:32] And I think going through life and just being on this call is another chance to see yourself in a little bit different way. See some of the blocks and the things that are pulling at you in a little bit different way. Um, and each time we get a little closer to. Core self or awareness of ourself. And I think each time we get closer, it makes it easier to see where we’re out of alignment.
[00:35:55] We have the sense of being in alignment for a little bit or around other people that are trying to, we see that other people that are trying to get an alignment and learning about that, and it just makes it so it’s easier and easier to drop into like, is this a me expression? Or is this someone else’s, this is like outside of us.
[00:36:16] And that’s sometimes confusing, even though it’s sometimes really confusing. Is this me? Or is it someone projecting on me? Is it me? Or is it someone projecting on me? I want to feel my own identity, energy. I want to feel my own identity, energy.
[00:36:42] It’s so noisy out there. It’s so noisy out there. I brought people are so quick to tell you how you have to be. People are so quick to tell you how you have to be. I had to be, I had a part of me is malleable. Part of me is malleable under the, I pardon me is sometimes a wee bit too malleable. Sometimes the pardon me is a little bit way too malleable.
[00:37:10] Um, yeah. And that’s, that means it’s time to freshen up my own self identity. And that means it’s time to freshen up my own sense, sense of self identity. How do I see my true self? See my true self. What does it really fit? Well, it doesn’t really fit.
[00:37:38] Things that fit can be so much in the way that can be so much in the way we can be so much in the way they can be so much of the way. Ah, I appreciate that. I’m doing some freshening right now. I can appreciate that I’m doing some freshly right now.
[00:38:06] Anything external that you all would like to share, that that seems to affect your sense of identity? I feel like if we do, we, we will be taking a break in about 10 minutes. Um, so if we have some things that are alive for people, we can do some tapping. If you want to raise your hand, you can also, um, do that under reactions.
[00:38:31] And then while we’re seeing, if anyone wants to share, I think that one of the things I’ve discovered, and I used to think that I would find my identity and then I’d be, it I’d be done. And the really cool thing is we keep growing and evolving. We find deeper parts of ourselves, more parts of ourselves. So I like to experience life as kind of a out loud meditation experience of meditation, of like, oh, this doesn’t feel really great.
[00:38:57] Okay. So maybe I don’t want to go in this direction or is there something about the going in this direction that. So good for me. Oh, this, this direction feels really quite good. Maybe I want to continue, but like being mindful and present as much as I can, letting myself slow down and notice what I’m experiencing.
[00:39:16] I think most of my life, I lived in my head. I didn’t have an experience of experiencing life and I love that. I’ve been able to slow down a lot more. And just like, I’m noticing being here with all of you, I feel warm and inspired and I feel very loving towards each of you. I really touch what people are sharing.
[00:39:38] So like, oh, so this is a, this is a good, this is a good for Kathy kind of thing to do. So versus like, oh, I was really rushed this morning, trying to deal with stuff at work. Maybe I need to set some boundaries about how often I answer the phone or like, you know, there’s just different ways we can kind of.
[00:39:57] Identify, what’s a good, good for each individual experience and what it’s like GPS too. It’s like I get in my car, it says go east. I’m like, if I knew which way east was, I’d be all set, but I don’t know. So I’m just going to start driving and I’m, don’t have to go fast or far, but I can start coasting driving a little bit.
[00:40:18] And then the car will say, okay, Nope, it’s back the other way. And I can turn around and go there. So sometimes experiences aren’t ideal, but we can use them as a guidepost as a direction finder and this and this a comment I think really fits when, when external influences are, um, impacting our image, um, the online world emails, YouTube, social media, et cetera, really throws me off.
[00:40:53] That’s the clue from an emotional freedom coaching standpoint. It’s like, oh, it really throws, throws me off now. Um, I compare myself to all the other entrepreneurs and feel like I’m failing all the time. Um,
[00:41:16] so let’s use this skill of freshening self image to look at that feeling. Cause it’s a real feeling I’ve, I’ve had, uh, I I’ve had it this week. Right. You know, you’ll get something and you’ll be like, wow, that is so awesome. And I’m not doing that. Right. And if, if we’re externally referencing, what we’re, what we’re looking at is comparing what’s coming at us, not actually knowing.
[00:41:50] And kind of piercing the veil. For example, there are people that their orientation energetically is to have fans and followers. Can we agree on that? That there are people that like they flourish. With fans and followers, there are people who have fans and followers that do not flourish having fans and followers.
[00:42:17] Okay. But for people that flourish energetically in the kind of influencer kind of dynamic, what I would say is that their self image would have things like, oh, I’ve put myself out there and I get this, this wonderful, massive energy coming at me from, from so many people, right? Like million followers, like, ah, right now, if I compare myself to that person, I will say that my core energy feels like.
[00:43:00] Like I could say I’m a failure. It feels that intense saying that I feeling like a failure is a very intense feeling. Right? Know, it’s, it’s hit a hammer on the back of your hand kind of feeling for me. But let’s let’s remember that our core has an intelligence. Yeah. I’m to, I’m a failure at being something that I am not, I’m not that person I’m not actually oriented the way that they are a million fans is a disaster for my, my wellbeing, because it’s not personal enough.
[00:43:45] I don’t mind influencing and being of service to a million people I have, but I don’t like, it’s a core group of people. We have a, we have a relatively small audience compared to, you know, any kind of rock star or something, including like Stamets and other things. But to me, this feels into. And I know that hundreds of people will watch the video, but it feels intimate.
[00:44:11] Cause we’re here where we fit on a screener or two. And so like, this is where freshening, ourself image can be like, okay, there’s something in that that really, what if there’s something in that really is not right for me. And it’s a body know and that body know of kind of comparing and trying to be drawn is so wrong for me that I feel like I’m a failure.
[00:44:40] I’m just going to shut down because that’s my core intelligence is no, don’t go in there. Be dragons there. That is not right for you. It probably is. Some of the things that do clearly matter, like, oh, I’d like to be of service. If that feels true to you, like, oh, they’re being of service. I want to be of service.
[00:45:01] You’re not saying no to that. It’ll feel like, oh yeah, I’m totally in align with that. Oh, look how flashy they are. You know? Uh, like as soon as I feel that. I know I’m going in the wrong direction. If I try to be too polished, flashy, um, kind of the media production kind of thing. If I try to think, compare myself, I feel like a failure.
[00:45:33] Like I start to almost cry. Um, I’m sharing with you intimately. Like what happens in my energy field when these things happen and how I’ve learned to Parsa. Cause if you take something that inspires you, that activates you in some way, then you can parse out the parts of it that are true. Cause you’ll feel them like, oh yeah, that’s me.
[00:45:53] I will, oh, I want to put more energy there. That’s where you get that identity energy when you’re sideways to. You shut down because that inner core intelligence will say no way. I am not I’m I’m not, that would not be good for me because I love what you shared. And one other thing that I noticed I do is I’ll pick and choose from all the different influencers.
[00:46:21] That person has an amazing YouTube channel. That person is on stage every day, that person is hanging out with famous people. That person touched a thousand people, uh, people’s lives. It’s like I’m picking and choosing the best. And I do that on Facebook too. Oh, that friend finished her book. That friend is, I have a friend that’s on, um, uh, a TV show right now.
[00:46:43] And I’m. She’s amazing. I’m so happy for her. She’s getting a lot of recognition. And part of me is like, why am I not doing that? We can’t. None of those people do all of those things. I mean, sometimes when people get very wealthy and very famous, they can hire people to do a lot of that to help them. But I’m not going to get anywhere.
[00:47:01] If I’m trying to do all those things, what I can do is come back to this moment. What is right for me? How do I want to express how I want to serve people? Oh, maybe it’s writing a quick letter to Rick saying I had this great idea for a call for next month. Maybe it’s writing a newsletter. Maybe it’s doing a YouTube video.
[00:47:19] Maybe it’s students self care. So I think when I, you know, it’s really easy to go, oh my God. Look at all these amazing fabulous people who are probably specializing to a certain extent.
[00:47:37] Harrison is the thief of joy. And yet we have comparison engines in us. We do that in order to. To survive and to thrive. So it’s where it lands in a place that is not skillful. And I appreciate that for those of us who are emotionally sensitive, people that we can get clues like, oh, that’s actually someone mentioned making me feel all wobbly.
[00:48:13] Well, if I’m not standing in my core energy, I I’m wobbling. It starts making me feel like a failure. Um, great clue, like, ah, amazing what a perfect clue there’s something in here, which is really not what your, your identity is. It’s not your come from when people talk about what your come from. Sometimes it’s why it’s an analytical, why you’re come from energetically.
[00:48:43] This core identity thing is like, I, I, there’s a part of my core identity that loves being generous. There’s an ener, there’s an energetic with people that, um, giving and receiving generously without pressure without having to, in order to look like a good person. Like there’s a, there’s a good book. That kind of, you know, like, oh, I have to do this in order to be a good person.
[00:49:09] No. If I try to do, be generous to be perceived as a good person, it, I stop. I feel, I feel like a failure. I feel like it’s never going to be enough if I come from the place of, oh, you know, I want to cultivate more of this in the world tonight. Just so sweet. It’s just such a, yeah. Now I can come from an energetic place.
[00:49:37] And as you freshen up your self image, it’s like, oh, there’s this little strand of. This in me. So for example, if I, if I, I learn a lot from a particular list of people out on Twitter, um, and sometimes it turns really like, you know, I don’t know if, if I stay attuned to them, it draws me into competitive. I am not that my core identity.
[00:50:13] I am not a competitive person. I want people to thrive in their way. If you want to play a particular game, that’s competitive. That brings out the best in you rate. It’s not my game. And so like if I start getting pulled off, That’s on me. My skill is to come back to what’s what matters? Co-created co-creation hardest street.
[00:50:35] I appreciate people being assertive on behalf of ideas that matter to them. And I really like kindness. I even call this kind house, my partner, and I agree that kind house is a good thing. It’s we’re not always kind, but that’s an aspiration that matters. And there’s an energy in me. There’s energy in me for, and this is as we take the break, I invite you it self image.
[00:51:03] Think about like there’s energy in me for what? Something that, that you feel matters to you. There is energy in me for. And we’re gonna, we’re going to take a break, take care of yourself, tend to this, go in a different direction too. We’re all about emotional freedom here. Um, yeah. And we’ll be back, uh, at half past that’s when we’ll start.
[00:51:35] All right. I’m gonna pause the recording and if you’re listening to the replay, thanks for being with us. And we invite you to take a pause here to
[00:51:45] welcome back, I think sometimes, um, or did you, you looked like you were gonna say something. Um, I think sometimes we can have, um, beliefs stuck to different different experiences or our self appearance that can cause us to be stuck as well. So, um, someone shared that they’d lost a tooth in a very visible spot and, um, They thought they’d be able to get back online and be confident as they used to be, but it’s not happening even though they tapped on it, meditated still not happening.
[00:52:21] And I think that at that point, maybe you already have, but like looking at the beliefs you have about that. So I grew up in a very poor neighborhood where there were a lot of people that didn’t have dental coverage and the more wealthy well-to-do people would often pick on the rednecks that were either missing a tooth or didn’t have good health dental care.
[00:52:43] So there’s a lot for me when I have, I have an actual missing tooth right here, right now, I’m waiting for the implant, um, the crown to be put on. So I noticed myself like not wanting to smile a little because I have this story that someone, without it was missing a tooth is either we were, it was always implied.
[00:53:01] They were lazy. They did not take care of themselves. They were less intelligent growing up. I was always very afraid of being identified with that. And I, I also like, I’m a bigger person. So a lot of people say, you know, there’s a lot of societal pool that bigger people are not as intelligent. They’re not as together.
[00:53:22] They’re obviously broken in some way, so why should you listen to them? Um, so it can get, it can be very hard to fight that societal good, that gravitational pull that’s going on. And I have a lot of compassion for having been through it myself, um, in some ways, not that particular, um, issue, but, um, I think that.
[00:53:44] If you can notice what the beliefs are you attached to it? What do you think other people will think about you? Because we do that. We kind of project onto other people and I’ve found that I don’t always know, like for people that don’t, that I thought would judge me the worst are often the kindest. And some people that I thought would be really cool about like, oh, you’re a bigger person doing stuff.
[00:54:05] I’ve had them like, send me diets in the mail or like different things like that. I’m like, oh, I feel kind of judged by that. So we don’t always know what other people are thinking. We know what we’re thinking. Other people think, and we can do some work on that. Um, and then I go back to the being of service.
[00:54:23] That’s the one thing that helps me as a. I want to help people. I think there’s so much suffering in the world. And so many people trapped and I want to do what I can to help, to offer a supportive hand and any insights that might be useful to them. So, and we can do that. We can help each other up so that we are living in a world that’s much better.
[00:54:42] So that’s the one thing that often will help me when I’m most scared about what people will think. And then I’ve also had a lot of luck. Uh, Reid Malco got me to do this, and I think it’s brilliant. He’s like tell them what you’re afraid of. So I will get up if I’m feeling particularly nervous about my size, I’ll get up there.
[00:54:58] And I’ll say, I’m noticing, I’m feeling really nervous about my size today. I’m worried that you’ll judge me. And what I want you to know is I’m here to share what I have and you can take the whatever’s useful for you. Um, and sometimes just naming that it helps me get over it. Um, it’s sometimes it’s still feels some nervous and sometimes people will say, yeah, you should.
[00:55:22] How are you up front and talking to people because you’re like, you don’t have it together. And like, we all don’t have it together. None of us have it together. We have some things together and we can share the best of ourselves with other people. And we can also share the things that we think are not the best of us.
[00:55:40] And sometimes that’s the most inspired, the things we don’t want to talk about. The things we want to hide are often the thing that will inspire and touch other people most that will release shame and other people. Um, and I’m very passionate about that because I think there’s a lot of people out there that may not be smiling because they’re missing a tooth or they might not be, you know, having an experience because they have too many wrinkles or too many fat cells or whatever it is they’re too is.
[00:56:07] And I want us all to live these amazing lives. So I don’t know if that’s helpful or not, but I, I really appreciate you sharing that because I think that the physical. Our society is so image-conscious, and we’re constantly flooded with, you know, the villains and TV shows have bad teeth often to signify bad teeth is a bad person.
[00:56:27] Um, and it’s a, it’s a trope. It’s something they use. It’s very easy to convince people. Uh, they can identify really quickly when really the truth is there are some really amazing people out there that have bad teeth and there’s some really evil people out there that have crooked or perfect teeth. And there’s all the people in between.
[00:56:45] So I like to be a Stanford. We can just be who we are, where we are, and we can be able to service whatever that is. And I don’t know if that helps or not. I know it’s a really tough, it’s hard to get on camera. I’ve I imagine I understand the experience.
[00:57:06] A lot of wisdom in the chat. Um, we could, we could explore this for weeks and a lifetime, and that’s what makes it a real skill. It’s something where we try to bring, because we focus so much on that. And as Cathy said, like she has a passion for sharing herself and a willingness to be courageous and find, find ways that are congruent to take from teachers that make sense to her.
[00:57:36] Take from things that don’t make sense. And someone shared in the, in the chat, I get stuck because there are parts of my identity that are in conflict with each other, and I don’t know how to reconcile them. And this is really interesting to me, for example, accuracy and truth is a strong value of mine.
[00:58:01] So our compassion and acceptance. So when someone lies or regularly shares comments and statements, that aren’t true, I get super conflicted as the two parts start fighting each other. Now
[00:58:18] to me, the conflict rises again. I’m going to speak for myself because those are things I value too. It rises when I’m out of my identity. And I’m trying to decide what to do. I don’t feel an, an identity conflict, like accuracy and truth, compassion and acceptance. If you lived in an environment where there were there, there was nothing that was not that right.
[00:59:00] You’d be like, yeah, I don’t feel a conflict. Right. Um, and that’s where tending to the cell. Like I, I, so value, accuracy and truth. I value something that is clearly. Um, I’m sensing manipulation here. And that really is in congruent with what I value. I feel my, my desire for, um, straightforwardness, even at the expense of being able to, to get everyone over into their way of thinking.
[00:59:42] Like, I, I like to leave lots of room for people to define their own guidance, their own truth. And so I’m, I’m going to practice that by reminding myself first and foremost, that that’s my core value. Um, so like it’s going within, I also compassion and acceptance. Yeah. I feel. I, I have lied. I understand that people lie for a variety of different reasons.
[01:00:12] I can feel some compassion here, ah, for myself and that I, I value truth, um, acceptance, like, okay, this is the way the world is tap, tap, tap. I’ve fucking hate the way the world is right now. And,
[01:00:35] and that really is not about myself image.
[01:00:42] I’m really wanting to tune more to what matters to me. I’m really wanting to tune more to what matters to me without action, without action. I don’t need to always act from it. I don’t always need to act from it. I want the energy to cultivate what matters to me. I want the energy to cultivate what matters to me.
[01:01:03] And sometimes I’m not clear what actions can grow in, and sometimes I’m not clear what action is congruent. That’s okay. There’s a menu and I don’t even have to choose it’s okay. There’s a menu and I don’t even have to choose. So in, in non-violent communication, they talk about needs and strategies and that they, that needs are not in conflict.
[01:01:26] And I, I I’m borrowing that. So that identity, um, and again, like.
[01:01:36] I really do believe that if you look inside and you feel like a failure and you feel like you’re someone that is, um, unwilling to change, but you’re actually here. Uh, and you know, I, I feel the in congruence with that, I do believe that that our traumas can layer us and layer us and layer us. You know, you take gold and you, you put layer after layer, after layer, after layer of led and Ben buried it in titanium and, and, you know, and then cover it with a big pile of horse manure.
[01:02:11] It’s sometimes can be a challenge. Continue to go down to that core identity. And that is honestly where people who, you know, love you and respect, you can reflect like somebody who keeps showing up and, and tapping and engaging is courageous in my eyes. Now whether they identify themselves in their, um, it could be something different for them.
[01:02:38] Like it could be like, oh, I’m just so Ernest, I just so earnest about it. Um, I don’t know how you described the feeling in you. Do you feel courageous Cathy or do you feel like it matters to you so much that you’re willing to? Yeah, it feels like it matters so much. Like I can, I know what it feels like to be stuck myself and I don’t want that for someone else.
[01:03:03] Yeah. Being of service and, and it matters so much. Yeah. And I think that there are conflicts, like there are times I want to sleep and I also want to be of service and write an email or whatever. And we’re often going to have those conflicts. I want to be compassionate and I really value honesty. Okay.
[01:03:22] That means I don’t necessarily have to have him as my best friend, someone who’s a bit habitual liar. And maybe I don’t have to judge someone who makes an occasional lie as a write off, so to speak. Or I can understand that some people are lying out of. But I don’t necessarily have to let them in my inner circle, depending on what my needs are, my individual values and wants.
[01:03:47] So I think there’s a lot of conflict in the world. I love the idea of our we’ll find our, our core identity and awe there’ll be no conflict. Everything is clear. And I don’t know that that’s always true. I think we’re often dealing with conflicting. I would like to have something to eat. I want to watch some TV and I also want to go to bed in time that, um, I’m really alert tomorrow and I can’t do all those things.
[01:04:12] So maybe I can find some compromises or balance them. And I do think we have some really core driving things that like I want to be of service is mine, but it also means sometimes I have to take care of myself. And that means not doing something active. It means like doing something internal or, or not outwardly directed.
[01:04:34] I don’t know if that helps, but it makes sense. It reminds me of that, that our, our identity is to me layered and has many different facets, like an ecosystem. Um, and for emotional people, we tend to be more biodiverse than are like the things that matter to us can, and, and you said it. The action can be like, oh, I’m I have energy for taking care of myself, or actually I do care about my life.
[01:05:06] You know, I, I care about my life, not enough not to have exited. I’ve worked here slogged to my way through a thousand traumas. And here I am like, oh, I am actually someone who, who cares about my wife enough. And so they’re actions that I take that are congruent with, uh, that come from my identity in that way.
[01:05:29] Um, And this is where cultivating, that allows us. If, if you have the energy for blank, like, um, growth or the energy for pause or the energy for peace or the energy to calm yourself and the energy, you know, like I want, I have as my identity and actually a pretty peaceful present person. Um, there was a time when that was not my self image.
[01:06:02] It was my core identity, but it was not my self image. And so everyone who met me really was bouncing off of this guy that was pretty darn stressed and very, very busy and working 120 hour weeks. Um, and so that’s where you can look at like where, where is the interface with the world? Why is there chaos?
[01:06:25] Because chances are, there’s something deeper in your core that matters to you. That is real to you. That when you, when you, when that’s your come from energy, your interface to the world changes, um, Um, doesn’t mean that conflict and choice and boundaries and everything else are going to magically take care of themselves, but as a real skill for being calm and confident and present with our lives that come from energy is, is the essential core energy for us.
[01:07:09] To reconnect. Yeah. I, one thought I had too is a lot of times the most creative, um, expressions are where two things overlapped that seeming in congruent. So like when physics and chemistry came together, he got material science, a whole new field came out, I’m in material science. So that may not be relevant to any of you.
[01:07:29] But if we can be at the intersection of, of tr I wa I value truthfulness and I value compassion. If we can just tolerate the discomfort of being in that space where things seem incongruent. And just often there might be some new insights, so many beautiful thing that we can offer the world. If we can just be there with it for a little bit and go, huh, that’s what I’m noticing right now.
[01:07:53] What else can I notice? What else can I discover? How else might I hold this? So that con being with yes, as. You know, we liked that black and white, like this is the truth, but that yes. And may bring us something that we didn’t even know existed.
[01:08:15] That’s open. If there’s something there that you would like us to make sure that we touch on in the, in the next 10 minutes or so. Um, the baby step energy micro steps, if you don’t want to use baby steps, but I’ve got a baby here and I watch her. Right. Like she’s exploring going down the steps the way every, every one who’s bigger dots, the steps, the way that everyone bigger does.
[01:08:43] And you know, sometimes right now she’s using our hands and holding it to kind of give her a little boost. Um, please know, as a, as a community and as a circle, um, we want to support you in, in ways that we can and, and taking steps to have your come from, be from a place like I have the energy for this, and I could use some reflection support I’m thriving.
[01:09:12] Now that center is a great place to ask for that. If you’re a circle member, thriving, um, there’s a private session, a section that you can join as well. Um, so,
[01:09:31] um, I keep coming back to what someone said there, there was a person’s name that was mentioned. And a couple of people said, oh, I compare myself to them too. And, um, you know, I, I just want to reflect that there are people whose come from is to be a challenge. I want to challenge you to be the best that you can be.
[01:09:55] I don’t want you. I want you to be up on the chair. I want you to yell out. I am now I am the voice, you know, So I was up on a chair, screaming that at a Tony Robbins, um, thing. That’s not the person that they mentioned. Um, um, and, and they activate the comparison in a us to drive us forward. If I can do it, you can do it too.
[01:10:21] I, you know, and, and they use their authority and all the things that they’ve done in their life and all the things that they have overcome the hero’s journey. And they’re saying, you too, you can do that too. And that is incredibly useful in our civilization to have people who that’s their orientation, it’s not mine, and it may not be yours.
[01:10:47] It may be yours. And. And it may be something that activates something in you, but make, but, and I’m feeling like I’m bringing it up because these kinds of very powerful, charismatic, um, achievers, uh, they throw me off. They, yeah, I can get really boosted up in a way that’s unsustainable and then crap. And feel like that failure energy.
[01:11:26] So I’m kind of bringing it back around that if, if that is your come from energy and you’re wanting to model that, or it activates, you honestly awaken the giant within came along for me at a time in my life where that energy was so necessary, it was, uh, grabbed me out of one frame of reference and plopped me into another.
[01:11:51] But it wasn’t where I could flourish and thriving for me as something different. But it helped me. I think it’s like a nutrient, like I like it as like, it’s like eating really something really sweet. I love that sometimes like the high energy Brendon Burchard, Tony Robbins, like there’s times when it can have a dose of it.
[01:12:10] But if I live on that for my, my nervous system is not a good. Main course I more about let’s clear the traumas and authentically step forward in the moment rather than kind of power through. And yet it’s been really good for me to have doses of that at times. So I think it’s like, what is a good balance for your system?
[01:12:32] How do you want to be inspired? And I think that there’s a lot of shirts. I should be inspired by Tony Robbins. I should go to all his classes and do all the things and jump on the chairs. And yet I get exhausted. My adrenaline is it’s too much for my system to feel really happy. As you know, it’s great as a 10th of my diet, but not as nine 90 or a hundred percent, and everybody is different.
[01:12:56] Right. And that in and emotional freedom work we can ask, what is this nourishing for me? If I’m comparing, what is it calling for? Is it calling for clarity that actually this is contrast for me and I’m this is it saying, oh, you know, there’s a part of you, that’s getting a little tingly and maybe it’s like, you’ve been a little, like in the, in you you’ve been over in excess yen.
[01:13:29] Right. And you need a little young to get you back into balance, but for a lot of people who are in deficient, right. Which is where I was, you know, I needed more of that kind of. Meditative peacefulness pause and things like that, because I was trying to push into the high achieving energy field, which is not the way my body’s oriented.
[01:14:00] And I hope that, that, you know, if you study, um, uh, any kind of yin yang energy flow, um, I, I’m not a big fan of the masculine feminine view because I think we tend to then imagine it’s male and female. Um, but the, the in young, um, uh, the energy of, of rest and digest and the energy of expression, um, it feels very, very good.
[01:14:31] Um, young driven to be consistent, like to make today. Great. And Bob and I, I know some people really are like on the spectrum. That’s their sweet spot. There was a guy in my Twitter feed starts every day with something that’s got, you know, volcanoes and stuff and make today. Great. Well, actually, I’m, I’m gonna, I’m gonna cuddle and read a book to my daughter and that’s my definition of great.
[01:14:59] Thanks for the reminder. And sometimes it gives me a little bit of a boost of like, oh, Today matters. That’s what we can do with some of that energy. And I liked the idea of exploring rather than deciding ID. Like sometimes I will want to decide, like I’m going to do this for the rest of my life because it worked once versus just being curious each day, what it and noticing, okay.
[01:15:23] I tend to not like this, but let me try it today because I’m noticing it or just kind of exploring and allowing myself to have it. Um, I don’t know. I like that kind of, again, the meditative thing, like what is right for me today, do I need a Tony Robins call or a Brendon Burchard call? Sometimes they can really perk me up and I get a lot done.
[01:15:42] And other days I’m like, I’m tired of watching. You’re jumping around on stage like that.
[01:15:49] Even though I’m connecting to my energy, even though I’m connecting to my energy and other people’s energy impacts me and other people’s energy impacts. Sometimes it nourishes me. Sometimes it nourishes me. Sometimes it repulses me. Sometimes it repulses me. Sometimes it draws me out. Sometimes it drives me out and sometimes I just want to hide this.
[01:16:10] I just want to hide. There is a core knowing in me, maybe there’s a Cornell who’s there. Is there a core knowing, is there a core knowing I’d love to feel my core knowing, uh, I’d love to feel my core knowing, knowing who I am, the way who I am, what matters to me, what matters to me? What matters in my bones, what matters in my bones?
[01:16:43] What matters in my heart? What matters that my heart,
[01:16:51] even if that’s a changing thing, even if that’s a changing thing,
[01:16:59] I want that freedom. I want that freedom and I am developing the skill and I am developing that skill.
[01:17:15] I love the fact that we’re all here together, exploring this because just understanding, just discussing the fact that we can figure out who we are. It gives us permission to look at life a little different. And I do invite you over the next day or two to just be aware and let yourself notice if the thoughts arise or you get new insights because you did some stretching when some exposure therapy and some sharing of ideas.
[01:17:43] Uh, so I just, I want each of us to be able to be as free as we can be in an experienced life, as deeply as we wish to. And when we’re trapped to those old ruts and patterns, it’s hard, it gets dull and boring. And I don’t think any of us need to live at live a dollar boring life. So if we can kind of shake off things that aren’t ours and discover ourselves, we create something really beautiful and we role model that for others.
[01:18:12] So, um, with someone shared, I was so tired before the colony almost didn’t come now. I feel so much better. Thank you. That’s great. Um, And someone else shared. I thought there was something wrong with me that I run from someone like Tony Robbins now. And someone else said, Nope, nothing wrong. There’s nothing wrong.
[01:18:30] We all, we all get to have our own expressions and our own things that excite us. To remind us and myself definitely too. Um, I appreciate those of you that signed up for the call that started building the energy that listen, replied and responded, and, um, that have joined us here tonight. And that we’ll see this on the replay.
[01:18:53] Um, when we do this together and freshen up our, our self-image, all of a sudden I’ve noticed that things that I hadn’t really even considered were kind of buried. Um, like I love communicating with animals, but I haven’t had a furry friend in my home for a really long time. Right now it can be delivered.
[01:19:21] I know. Um, thank you.
[01:19:26] You also want to send a dearest 16 ponies, so we’ll keep this under control. I’m so aware that, you know, I took an animal communication class. I, I, I love the communication with animals and I meet them on the trail, but there’s an awkwardness sometimes on the trail. Like, people don’t know whether you like their animal or whether, you know, they are feeling uncertain.
[01:19:53] Um, so the last couple of days when I’ve been out, guess what? There’ve been some furry friends. And I remember yesterday, like I, I freshened up my, my love of, of animals and, um, it was wonderful. And I feel that now, like, oh, you know, and it, it, it connects me more. It connects me to those of you that have furry friends connects me to that.
[01:20:24] And what was really cool is that I was walking along and there was this noise and I looked over and there was a Turkey and I was like, hi. And I’ve looked kind of looked down and said, I’m cool. And it was like, oh, and then it went off and continued eating the yummy stuff, whatever, but it was a beautiful, and it was the sun and it knew it too, like, like, oh, I feel your appreciation.
[01:20:54] You like my feathers on the back there don’t you. And they were, they were, they were hitting the, the sun was hitting it just perfectly. And. It was through that energetic communication that I freshened up that connected me again. Now that used to be important. A part of how I lived, I lived on a farm with horses and two dogs and two cats.
[01:21:20] Um, so like when we freshened up all of a sudden now things, all of a sudden, um, there’s an opportunity that our come from energy can connect us with nature, um, and life in a way that is more feel, will feel more thriving to us. And that’s, that’s an invitation to the dust off something that maybe used to find important.
[01:21:44] And if you could define, come from energy that come from energy is like the sensation of it is this matters to me. This is, this is held in, um,
[01:22:02] If you, if you imagine like the core of an apple, right, that’s a center where a lot of important things like seeds are kept. The, the seed of us is like in the core, the things that can grow into something or be expressed. And there is an energetic when we, you know, that rises, that can express itself come forward, or even the come from energy can be like, oh, that deepening, but there’s a movement to it.
[01:22:38] And it, it feels, um, to me in my physiology, it feels different than. Oh, this is exciting to me. Like, um, that can be more up here, but it was like, oh yeah, there’s more oomph to it. Um, more vibrancy, more alive in us to it. Um,
[01:23:09] thank you all. Thank you so much. Thank you, Cathy. My pleasure really appreciate all of you finding now that center. Um, we welcome you to continue the engagement around this. I’d love to hear from more people to
[01:23:27] bye

We covered…

  • Our self-image is impacted by the looks and attitudes and judgments of others.
  • It’s important to our well-being and energy to clear what doesn’t fit who we know ourselves to be at our core.
  • We can hear an assertion and strive for that, but if it actually doesn’t fit us we can feel “like a failure” – when that is actually a CLUE that our self-image is calling for a different perspective.
  • When we are tuned into our identity energy, we have resource for actions congruent with Who We Are. And it feels SO GOOD!

Resources Mentioned

  1. No! You Can’t Make Me!

  2. Free EFT Tapping Guide

  3. Thriving Now Emotional Freedom Circle

Great to have you on this journey with us!


Mmmm, SELF-image from Inner SELF.


I want to be her…well, you know what I mean…