I believe as we become more attuned to our body and we get more un-triggered experience with people, we can notice a clearer sense of openness – and not openness. We can feel parts of us give encouragement and other parts might be attuned to warnings.
I go slowly, except when everything really is a YES head to toe.
Then, I will share something deeper. Perhaps even something I haven’t shared with other people I’ve known longer yet who are not as wholly a YES for depth and closeness.
I would not share something that, if they do not handle it well, would cause me harm. Even now there are aspects of my being that are more raw than others. There are also aspects that are so core for me that sharing them and noticing what comes back can give me a LOT of information about how another being is oriented.
I do believe there are certain milestones I’m aware of…
The first time I say NO to something that matters to them. How do they take it?
The first time they say NO (or fail to) about something that matters to me.
The first time we co-create together. And every time thereafter.
Making decisions together, how we find our yes-yes’s.
How we sit and handle with safety and respect a difference in perspective on something happening outside of us.
How we are together when both are dysregulated, or me, or them. What’s the repair process like (assuming there is one).
Those are key ones I sorta “track” in my relationship mind. And none of those aspects were conscious until I started doing the emotional work… and discovering what actually makes relationships thrive together.