As some of you know, I joined a co-housing community a few months ago.
Yesterday we had a visit to the building site, and I carpooled with another member who I’d begun to feel mild discomfort around but no alarm bells. She recently semi-reprimanded me because when I called her I got straight to the point without all the pleasantries of “How are you, lovely day, etc.” I just said “I called you because you always know everything.” That offended her.
The morning started by her asking me at the last minute if I could arrive 10 minutes earlier, so I skipped half my breakfast and she wasn’t remotely ready when I got there. On the way up, she asked to taste my protein bar and my coffee, which is a bit of an overreach for me if I’m not good friends with the person, but I gave her a pass.
A couple of other members live a 90 second drive from the site, and invited us all over beforehand. As we were leaving their place, I chose to walk to the site, and asked another member to let D. know I was going to walk.
When we are all gathered at the site, D. says to me “You abandoned me.” I thought she was joking and asked if she’d been told I was going to walk. She said yes, and then said “You left me.” As an aside, I think she has a crush on me.
She brought it up another couple of times, and I asked her why she was upset I’d chosen to walk. She responded with “We arrived there together” and “I don’t want to feel like a chauffeur.” I had already previously offered to drive my car, I had offered to drive her car, and I had paid for well over half her gas.
As we were driving home, I asked if it had really bothered her. She said no, then she said yes, so I asked her what had been going on for her. She said it didn’t have to make sense, and I asked her what she would have had me do instead. She responded with “Get in the car and drive back down there (to the building site) with me.” Again, this is literally a minute and a half drive.
My M.O. with this type of behavior is RUN. She reminds me of my father and all the bizarre and confusing behavior I put up with for decades. Things that don’t make sense and never will. If I didn’t have to, I would block her and never see her again. Unfortunately, this is someone I will have to deal with for years to come on an ongoing basis. She’s also only one person out of close to 40.
I’m posting this because I needed to get it on paper and out of my head (thank you!) and also because it’s causing me to have second thoughts about this community. I also realize that there will always be people like this everywhere I go, and I’d rather learn to deal with them than run; I also don’t want to force myself to be in the presence of people who practically leave my head spinning from dissociating.