Celebrate and Strengthen Yourself
Real Skills Workshop: Be What Matters
Hosts: Rick Wilkes (@Rick) and Cathy Vartuli (@Cathy)
Recorded Tue Apr 18 2023
Replay is below
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Replay is below
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Serious people in a serious world don’t celebrate “little” things.
That was me. I’d celebrate some Big Goal being achieved, but only for an hour or two… or a fleeting moment.
How flat. How sad, even.
I didn’t realize that I was suppressing a natural energy. We’re designed for celebration. Work, too! But all work and no play made Rick a dull being.
By the way, one can be doing “play” things – even water skiing or vacationing – and not actually be celebrating.
This celebration deficiency often activates food cravings. The “sugar high” is a thing! The “look what I bought” is a thing!
But gnawing the ears off the Easter Bunny does not take the place of feeling like one is living a life “worth celebrating.”
Since January a group of us have been focusing our energy towards an emotion we want more of in our lives. For me, that was “eagerness.” And I want to celebrate the times when a spark of eagerness made a difference in my world.
What have you “worked for” emotionally that you would like to be appreciated for? Reply and I’ll celebrate you!
Even sweeter is to do this together. Why? Because celebrating together:
Yes, really. As resistant as I used to be about celebrating, and as awkward as celebrating can still be for me, when I celebrate even the littlest things (a tiny win, a subtle beauty), I get all those things listed… and my cravings for sweet foods rebalances, too.
Intrigued? Join us. Already love celebrating? We would benefit from your energy and skill!
We look forward to celebrating you!
With smiles and love,
Rick & Cathy
Your Emotional Freedom Coaches
Schedule Private, Gliding Scale Coaching Sessions Here
P.S. Adira says, “Did you know you can celebrate even the dandelions that are not yet ready to blow?”
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We welcome your insights, ah-ha’s, and sharing. Please! Click [Reply]
[00:00:00] Celebrate and strengthen yourself. This is a real skills workshop, though, the celebration of a series that we have been doing as a community about be what matters. Being able to choose emotions that we just know in our core are important to us. They matter to us. A chance to feel. This is like a chance to feel myself, an aspect of myself.
[00:00:27] And this session is about celebrating that and using these experiences to strengthen ourselves and in the emotional world. Strengthening ourselves isn’t just about doing the hard stuff that’s a part of it, but it’s also about letting that energy be savored and nourish us and. And strengthen the pathways inside of us about what does life mean when this comes up or when this doesn’t happen, and then when this happens, strengthening that so that we have more core strength in our emotional body.
[00:01:09] And I’m here co-creating with Kathy Vai from Thriving Now and The Intimacy Dojo. Hi Kathy. Welcome. Hey, Rick. Hey everyone. So glad you’re here. And before we get started, Rick was talking about how anytime we talk about celebrating, we get fewer people. And I wanna just honor everyone who’s here taking the time.
[00:01:29] And I wanna talk a little bit about why we do that, because I think understanding our, our surpr our brains is, I, I geek out on that. I think it’s useful. So, um, some very famous neuroscientists have used the technology, and I th I’m forgetting his name right now, and I’m so sorry, but it, I really helped me.
[00:01:48] He said, imagine that you’re living in a cave and you, you have a threat and a possible reward. There’s a, something that’s threatening out there. There might be a lion, let’s say out you saw a lion wandering by, and there’s a reward of carrot. Um, our survival brain pays more attention to the possible pain or threat because if you go out to get carrots to get the reward and you get eaten once it’s all over, if that makes sense.
[00:02:17] Like the, the threat is like, could just wipe you out, the pain, the whatever. So our survival brain is 10 times more time, times more sensitive to threats and pain than it is to possible reward. Because if we go out, you know, like getting the carrot is lovely. Like you’re hungry, it tastes so good, it makes you feel happy.
[00:02:37] But if you’re eaten by that lion, you’re dead. And if you c if you wait another day or a couple hours for the reward, Then you’re still alive and you can have the carrot. So we, we we’re not likely to die for not getting the carrot for a couple hours or even a couple days. We might not be happy. So our, for survival reasons, our brain is actually hardwired to pay more, 10 times more attention to pain threats than it is just celebrating and rewards.
[00:03:07] And that’s just how we’re wired. However, I’m, I, I’m imagining that many of us that are here have been through times in our lives when there haven’t been many rewards. There’s not been a lot of joy in celebration, and that can leave us feeling really depleted and make life feel very, very flat. Mm-hmm. So, When we can practice celebrating, and we’re gonna do some tapping a little bit to help you, like release some blocks to some of this too.
[00:03:34] But when we can start letting in the rewards, when we can remind our survival brain, Hey, it’s not a lion. It’s not a tiger. There’s plenty of things to do. Am I to-do list? But if the trash doesn’t get out, I’m not eaten by a lion. It’s not like I don’t have to always move away from pain and threat. I can also be motivated by the abundance around me that helps us get into the parasympathetic mode.
[00:03:57] It helps us relax. It helps us feel renewed. We get a nice surge of dopamine, sometimes oxytocin, so our bodies do need this. Our bodies do need celebration, and we can survive in a, in a place of suffering and like survival for a while, but we’re not gonna be thriving there. And thriving now is all about how can we clear out the blocks and get from the, the, the suffering and, and barely surviving to thriving.
[00:04:23] So we want celebration is really important and I think this is someplace that people struggle with. And yet because of the ways, our ways, our brains are wired. Rick and I have trouble getting people to show up for things that are about celebration. Most people, their brains are like, oh, I’m gonna take care of all the suffering and threats before I worry about ser the celebration.
[00:04:45] Just because it’s how we’re hard hardwired. So the fact that you’re here shows that you’re incredibly savvy and we’re gonna do some things to help you let more of the celebration in so that your system can be a little more balanced despite the way the survival brain is wired. Hmm. So we’d love to hear your yes, but Oh, that’s, that’s fine Kathy.
[00:05:07] But what is celebr and maybe your ready to, to celebrate. And celebrate is just like, oh, thank goodness we finally got to the best workshop of the whole series. Um, thank you. I’m so glad you’re here. Um, uh, for me, I’ll own that. Um, as I, as I shared in, um, the, the preparation for the workshop, um, the yes, but for me is always, but I could have done more.
[00:05:39] Or, but what about this? There’s a resistance and it’s predictable. Okay. So, And this is something that it’s so predictable that it actually is useful for me to know, oh, it’s predictable. I’m gonna have that little bit of resistance to celebrating. Um, and if you’re feeling any resistance, if you have a yes, but you’d like to share in the, the chat I shared two of mine.
[00:06:08] I, I’m ready to do some tapping on those. Is that, would that be good for you? Um, yeah, I was just, uh, it might go away as one of mine, like, uh, I was brought up in a family where celebrating or feeling excited, everyone was afraid that that meant the thing would not happen, or it would end prematurely or it’d get taken away.
[00:06:29] So my mother, like, I still remember the first time I posted anything on eBay and I was so excited and the bids were going up and up and I was like, oh, this is so much fun. And I was just like checking it every five minutes and just having fun. I wasn’t runaway or overwhelmed or anything, but my mother’s like, stop looking.
[00:06:45] You’re gonna make it like you’re gonna somehow jinx it or make it go away, like it’s all gonna fail. Mm-hmm. And I rem, I still remember that, like, wow, this is not game changing. My home doesn’t depend on it, nothing. I’m just having fun. And yet, The celebration and the like anticipation was frowned upon and put down for safety reasons.
[00:07:07] Like she probably was brought up that that was not a good thing, that someone would take it away. So I just wanted to share. I was just typing that in there. Yeah. Thank you. What if I left something or someone out? Oh, yeah. Didn’t do it perfectly. Yeah. I’ll have to, I’ll have to perform. I’ll have to perform.
[00:07:26] Yes. But is it really worth celebrating? Um, it doesn’t last and it’s not real. Like that is a really powerful suppression, right? Yeah. Yeah.
[00:07:41] Even though I don’t know how I got here, even though I don’t know how I got here. I have some yes. Buts about celebrating. I have some Yes. Buts about celebrating. I have some past experiences. I have some past experiences. They said I’d jinx it. They said I’d jinx it. It’d go away. It would go away. It’s not gonna last.
[00:08:01] It’s not gonna last. Um, and I would really like to celebrate anyway. I would really like to celebrate anyway. Top head. I wanna feel at least my inner celebration. I wanna feel at least my inner celebration. Ira. I don’t have to party. I don’t have to party. Sorry. I don’t have to perform. I don’t have to perform.
[00:08:30] And it’s not gonna last. It’s not gonna last. I’m gonna, I’m gonna need to go to the bathroom. I’m gonna need you to go to the bathroom. Things will change. Things will change. Go on. And I still want to feel some celebration. I still wanna feel some celebration under the arm for who I am and what matters to me for who I am and what matters to me top head, and how I’ve put some life force behind that and how I put some life force behind it.
[00:09:11] I do think it’s par, probably partly cultural and partly how we’re hardwired, but if we have a threat, like a hurricane, I remember living in Florida and there was always a hurricane might come and people would run out and get gas and get food in their, you know, pack their things up or whatever. It was a possible hurricane.
[00:09:27] It wasn’t a perfect prediction of a hurricane. It wasn’t barreling down at them, but it was still, their brains would let them take action versus celebrating. We often want it to. Perfect. And even if it’s like almost perfect, it’s like, yeah, but this, yeah, my hair is messy today, or I have a pimple, or you know, that person unrelated to any of this is mad at me, whatever that is, we often diminish it, and I do think that’s also.
[00:09:55] For people that have had trauma, for people that have been brought up in families where there was a lot, uh, the ancestral, ancestral trauma that many of us have, like experienced as well. Our parents didn’t know how to heal their traumas. Yeah. Celebrating, felt maybe jarring, maybe uncomfortable, maybe threatening, whatever it was.
[00:10:14] So we’ve learned to diminish, we’ve kind of learned to undercut anything that was celebratory as a way to kind of protect ourselves from the good feelings. Um, and I also know for myself, sometimes it felt too, like the contrast was too much. So if I was barely surviving and everything was kind of crazy and toxic to have too much of a good feeling, just it, the jar, the jar of the shift up and then back down was just more than my system could take.
[00:10:42] So I learned mental patterns to keep myself from really acknowledging or stepping into the celebration, um, a way to diminish what I was feeling as a way to kind of cope with it.
[00:11:01] Um, yeah, just curious. So I, I would like to calibrate us to, um, a, a, how do I put those?
[00:11:20] Anytime I hear the word celebrating, it gives me an idea that doesn’t necessarily fit what feels authentic for me. Um, and so I’d like to extend the spectrum of what it means to celebrate.
[00:11:41] If you think about what emotional state you wanted to experience, just. A bit more of, um, and you’ll remember, uh, I am going to remind us all that. When we started this, it wasn’t about feeling it all the time or every day. It was about, well, continuously for an hour. Yeah. It was about finding an emotion that matters to you in your whole being or part of your being and developing any extra savvy, any extra skill, any attunement, any experience of that in a way that feels like, oh yeah, I did use that, or I did work on that.
[00:12:30] And maybe I’m not wisely fearless, but you know, I’ve, I’ve, I’ve looked at it, I’ve looked at my life, I’ve engaged in, I wonder if there’s any way that I was more peaceful at moments. And I would’ve been by default. There’s nothing wrong with the default, but default can be pretty flat. And for those of us that have a trauma history, um, we’ve, we’ve talked in this series about suppression, right?
[00:13:01] We do it. Trauma creates suppressions or adaptations for what used to be, but isn’t necessarily true now. Um, we can have the experience over and over and over again that when we share something that we want to personally celebrate with a particular person who should be more, um, like on our side and celebrate with us, that’s like, oh, that went away.
[00:13:28] Yeah. In the same way. You know, if, if I pour water in a calendar, um, I’m, I’ve got a slightly wet calendar, but there’s no water compared to a bowl where somebody else has other stuff that they’re adding in, like happy feeling. Can I branch off this? Cause I think this is a really important point. Whenever we are present with a feeling, good or bad, it’s like that calendar when we can just feel it, tolerate it, let it go through.
[00:13:57] We may have a little bit of wet in the inside of the calendar, but it’s not stored up. There’s a warning that I wanna give you about appreciation that hopefully will catch your survival brain cause it did mine. When we do not express appreciation. It can become toxic. Just like when we do not express pain or anger or, or sadness.
[00:14:19] We store it up in a bowl. We’re not letting it flow through, we’re not experiencing it. And, um, with, you know, all of us know the experiences with grief and anger and like we have this, the stored up feelings in our body, and it feels too much, it feels too intense. We feel out of control when we do not express appreciation.
[00:14:37] When we do not allow ourselves to celebrate. We’re doing the same thing. And then we create often a pet, I call it pet ization, where if you think of someone who’s made you feel really good and you weren’t allowed, like maybe you were, didn’t know how to express your appreciation or whatever, you put them on a pedestal or you put the experience on a pedestal because you didn’t really celebrate and let the feelings.
[00:15:04] Coming in out like air, like they’re, they’re supposed to be transient. Ah, that’s when we pulled, that’s the point. I think, I think that, uh, I’m sorry this, there, there were many points in there, but I, I’m feeling the ripeness of tapping on that, that feeling of inner celebration. It’s really designed to be a transient, it is not something.
[00:15:30] Go ahead. Yeah. Well I think that I, I have experienced this where I have nostalgia, like a almost painful nostalgia from a certain time when I felt good or f feeling rewarded or whatever. And the painful nostalgia part is cuz at the time I couldn’t really let myself fully feel it. I couldn’t breathe it in and out and let it be what it was.
[00:15:50] I couldn’t express it. Um, and I don’t want it. Mm-hmm. I live in the past or like, oh, I, I see this with some people. Nothing’s as good as that one time. Like everything is, compared to this past experience that was made perfect, it was pedit petit put on a pedestal and made perfect. And everything is, compared to, it never lives up.
[00:16:12] But when we can celebrate and appreciate, that’s kind of a frozen version of energy. Yeah. And it becomes perfect. Crystallized. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Can I do a little tapping on this? Yeah, please. Karate chop. Even though I’m somewhat reluctant to celebrate. Even though I’m somewhat reluctant to celebrate and I don’t wanna appreciate too many things and I don’t wanna appreciate too many things, I do wanna let my emotions move in and out like air.
[00:16:41] I do wanna let my emotions move in and out. Like breath. Yeah. I don’t wanna have a bunch of toxic bowls of fermenting. Appreciate. I have had enough bowls of smelly internal kimchi. Yes. Good and bad. I wanna good and bad, let it go. I want it to flow. Yeah. Top of the head. I don’t wanna create false Perfect past.
[00:17:09] I don’t wanna create a false perfect past. Interesting. Yeah. Eyebrow. I wanna be here in the moment. I wanna be here in the moment side of the eye. That painful nostalgia is just old toxic appreciation. What if that. Painful nostalgia is old. Toxic appreciation under the eye. That moment wasn’t perfect either.
[00:17:34] Yeah, that moment was not perfect either under the nose, and yet I’m making it perfect in my mind. I’m making it perfect in my mind. Chin, I still had concerns and worries. I had concerns and worries collarbones, some aches and pains, some aches and pains under the arm. It wasn’t really perfect. It wasn’t really perfect, top of the head, and I’d like to live in reality, and I’d like to live here now.
[00:18:05] I’d love to celebrate and feel my appreciation as it happens. I’d like to celebrate and feel my appreciation as it happens. Ooh. Yeah, like almost in a now. Yeah. In the present. So I, I have a very clear memory of when I was about 10 being at my grandma’s house in Long Island, which I, we loved, she spoiled us silly.
[00:18:28] And we had been listening to some seventies music cuz it was the seventies, um, dating myself. Um, and it was beautiful. The music was really poignant and kind of nostalgic and the ice cream truck came and my grandma gave us each quarter to get ice cream. And upstate New York, we didn’t have ice cream trucks.
[00:18:45] So this was like this huge treat. I make that moment so perfect in my mind. And yet when I think about it, I was still this really insecure little kid that was like trying to deal with mom that was a little bit like, you know, happy one moment and really sad the next. And she and my dad were fighting and we had to go back in another day, but, You know, like I made that moment so perfect and I, there, whenever I’d hear seventies music I’d be like, oh, that painful nostalgia.
[00:19:12] As opposed to, wow, it was so sweet that I could have that moment and then I could kind of just be with it and just, you know, maybe tap a little bit. Like it was really sweet, but it wasn’t a perfect moment. It wasn’t, you know, it was just a combination of some things I really appreciated. Yeah. Ah, I’m getting the word mosaic of my life and letting the celebrations, you know, be placed in the mosaic of my life.
[00:19:38] Yeah. Little tiny bits and some big pieces too. Mm-hmm. Uh, they don’t have to be perfect. They do not have to be perfect. The bits of my mosaic do not have to be perfect. The bits of my mosaic do not have to be perfect. They are an expression of me. They are an expression of me and what matters to me and what matters to me.
[00:20:06] I want to celebrate what matters to me. I wanna celebrate what matters to me. I wanna acknowledge what matters to me. I wanna acknowledge what matters to me. There’s something beautiful and something mattering to me. There’s something beautiful and something mattering to me.
[00:20:25] Just that is enough, just that is.
[00:20:38] I really, that was really great. I appreciated that tapping Rick, that yeah, it doesn’t have to be a perfect thing, but even if it’s imperfect, say our calendar has some dents in it. If we don’t allow the, the appreciation to flow, it’s gonna start building up. And, and it’s important to, to appreciate what is.
[00:20:57] Yes. And still hold. Like if we can in one hand hold, it’s not perfect. And the other hand hold that this feels really good. It’s, it can be. Yes. And and that’s a very mature thought process. Small children have trouble with Yes. And it’s like either perfect or it’s horrible. Um, and that’s the survival brain.
[00:21:16] They’re their, they’re more survival brain. Their pre-cut al cortex is still forming. Yeah. So if you can, when we’re calm, we can practice that. Yes. And it can be both. It can be not perfect and pretty wonderful at the same time. And I think that the more we practice that, the more we can see the world as it is because it’s very, I, I have yet to have an experience of a perfect moment.
[00:21:39] I like to think I did, but when I think back I’m like, oh, I was pretty scared. I was really worried. I wasn’t sure how this was gonna go or how soon it would go away. Um, so I don’t think many of us have, I, I think I would have to have a phlebotomy to have a perfect moment. And those are, They don’t do those very often anymore.
[00:21:56] Mm-hmm. Eyebrow emotions. Need motion. Emotions. Need motion. To strengthen myself. To strengthen myself under, under the eye. Bang. Benefits from motion. Benefits from motion. Moving my energy. Moving my energy. Including my celebration. Including my celebration. Calm on. And my awareness. And my awareness. Under the armed.
[00:22:27] And all of me. And all of me.
[00:22:35] And it’s okay for it to feel fleeting. It’s okay for it to feel fleeting. It is become, it becomes a part of my mosaic. It becomes a part of my mosaic. So I, I got off some very difficult, uh, um, I’m working with someone. The situation is very difficult. Um, and there’s other parties who are not very high on the emotional intelligence scale that we’re coping with.
[00:23:06] And as an, as a very sensitive person, I was there with the mix of things and navigating it. And when you’re in the moment, sometimes it’s, you know, you may not see yourself or know yourself. Um, you’re just in it, you’re in the flow of it, even the hard flow of it. And I’ve noticed as part of getting ready for this, um, call that as I walked outside, um, get in the car, I had to take someone somewhere.
[00:23:40] Um, there was a pause. I was now in nature. Even if it was my. Paved driveway. Um, I could feel the air around me and there was a pause. And in that moment there was a sense of
[00:24:03] I’m, I’ll call it a celebration for who I was and all the aspects of my energy moving in that dynamic. Um, I can touch on that. It feels like it’s a part of me now, but it lasted less than a couple seconds. But I will tell you that as soon as I allowed that celebration of what matters to me, cuz I, as imperfectly as I was, I kept coming back to what matters.
[00:24:34] Mm-hmm. Um, wow. Um, by celebrating. For that little bit more of me was, was online. As I drove this person, um, I could be more present. I wasn’t in my head. And I believe that part of being what matters is this anchoring, um, of, of recognition. So like they’re part, there’s, there’s celebrations where you’re recognizing someone’s achievement.
[00:25:09] And you know, some of those are really big. An Olympic gold medal ceremony. Yeah. Woo. Yeah. Parade afterwards. The parade of the medalists. Um, and sometimes we’ll say, if we’re not that splashy, we shouldn’t bother celebrating. Right. And there’s, and that comes up again, like for me, it’s like, oh, but I, you know, I wasn’t.
[00:25:28] Oh, that I could have fantasized myself being win three Nobel prizes last night. I should not celebrate. And, um, I, I want to invite all of us to recognize if you’ve had any recognition of your courage, your attention to you showing up, you doing something that you could be like, you know, I did. I put some, I put some energy into what matters to me in that state of being, of being that at all.
[00:26:00] And you can tune into a moment when you recognize that. And if you, this is your moment, bite you in a,
[00:26:15] in a subtle way to acknowledge your state of being that you were what matters to you in that moment. Yeah, I, I had a thought on this and it kind of bridges to another top another point we were gonna make. Um, we were talking about it going away, or like, like some people are like, they hadn’t thought of good feelings being transitory.
[00:26:41] So if you, if you, just to make an analogy, it’s not actual, like, we have to breathe in and out. Um, if we consider outbreath negative and in breath positive, it’s kind of like we are, we think we, we wanna get rid of the negative emotions, so we’re trying to not, we’re, we’re trying to breathe out a lot and we wanna hold onto the positive emotions, so we’re kind of like trying to hold our breath.
[00:27:01] At the same time. No, emotions are moving pretty very well, and I think that there is, Society teaches us if we watch TV media, oh, we’re supposed to be happy and feel really good all the time. We’re supposed to be cel Facebook. People feel depressed cuz everyone’s putting usually their best lives and celebrating.
[00:27:20] They’re not sharing the down moment. So like, there’s kind of a a like, oh wow, my life sucks. I’m not sitting in Cabo on the beach this week in Alaska Cruise next week and book’s, bestselling book. And so like, our brains think we’re supposed to feel really, really good all the time versus, you know, holding our breath doesn’t feel very good.
[00:27:40] And we’re not allowing the energy to float in and out. We’re not allowing ourselves to experience these. Like, I, I love the, um, and there’s a, a metaphor. This, uh, king had put out this proclamation. He said, I, I’ll give my daughter in marriage or my king half my kingdom or whatever, for anyone who can help me feel humble when I feel really good and who can soothe me when I feel really bad.
[00:28:05] And you know, the traditional three, you know, the prince comes up and offers this thing that doesn’t work. Some wizard comes up and offers something that doesn’t work. And this poor, uh, farmer comes up and he offers hands him this ring. And on the ring is pa written, this too shall pass. So whether I’m celebrating or I’m having bad times, this too shall pass works.
[00:28:27] And it’s like, it keeps you humble when you’re like, whoa, I won the Nobel Prize five times today, or, Wow. Life. You know, like I got mud all over me and fell face first in front of the person I most want to won’t repress. I do think that that’s, I think it’s an important point to make around good feelings, because otherwise we’re trying to hold onto them.
[00:28:48] We’re trying to keep them, and sometimes we don’t celebrate because we, we know that if we celebrate the feeling, will this too shall pass. Yeah. This too shall pass. So do you have some tapping you wanna do on that? It looked like you had some face of tapping. Well, I was, I was just tuning in. My, my focus was on eagerness.
[00:29:07] Oh yeah. And um, just, I’m noticing that, um, be, I, I was making it a habit to celebrate when I used. When I was able to tap into something that was eagerness, whereas my default would’ve been something different that didn’t matter to me. So, um, like when my boy comes home from his dad’s, um, I, I noticed that if I’m aware of being eager, it doesn’t mean like, Hey buddy, welcome home.
[00:29:47] It, it’s like I’m present. Mm-hmm. You know, there’s a, there’s a le and I was, I do think we acclimate. Yeah. Um, and I, I, I’m, I’m tuning to the fact that the first time I did that, it felt like a huge win. Like, oh, I’ve got it. Yeah. When I dropped him off at his dad’s today, I was, I expressed just the, the softest.
[00:30:22] I’m looking forward to picking you up on Friday. Not a big deal, but just like, I’m looking forward to seeing you on Friday. I hope you have a great time. Um, and it felt like now, now looking back on it, I’m celebrating like, yeah, that’s, that’s another, another piece of eagerness, right? Is, is, um, but now that I’ve, I’ve even told everyone, there’s like, oh, it’s complete.
[00:30:53] Mm-hmm. And I believe that, you know, you brought up something that I, I was not expecting. I’m feeling the, the tension and incompleteness of not acknowledging I, at the end of my day, if I’m tired, but I don’t stop and acknowledge who I’ve been during the day. I don’t, I’m sensing right now I don’t feel like I s.
[00:31:17] I’ve completed the day. Yeah. And there’s a tension until like the next morning I’m, I’m seeing a pattern of like, the next morning during my meditation, there’s a sense of needing to complete yesterday. Mm-hmm. And so as we bring this group, you know, this particular focused period, I would love to hear in the chat, what was your focus and what would you like to be celebrated for?
[00:31:45] Um, if you want to raise your hand, you know, the guidelines there, feel free to do that. Um, okay. I’d love to do a little focusing on that if, uh, as we go forward with that, if you’d like to, if you’re in a safe place to do so, close your eyes and take a gentle deep breath. And just let yourself feel your butt in the chair, your feet on the floor.
[00:32:08] And then if it feels okay with your next breath, remember how, where you were in the beginning of January. What were you, you know, try to think of a date or something that you were feeling and experiencing. Um, and you, you don’t have to do any of these things if you don’t want, but just if I think it can be helpful.
[00:32:23] Like back in January, where was I at? Um, and I went through this, this, I showed up for however many, uh, sessions with this. I tapped on this. I kind of noticed my brain thinking of this we’re we invite you to look for the subtle changes, the subtle shifts and trends. Maybe you had something dramatic and we’re glad to celebrate that.
[00:32:45] But I think the more sustaining changes are often more subtle, they’re more quiet. Um, like Rick’s example with the quiet eagerness, he didn’t have to be jumping up and down and shaking the kid and running around the car screaming, I can’t wait to see you. Um, he just could express it to, to Emerald. And I think that’s lovely and I know Emerald probably really appreciated it.
[00:33:08] Where have you noticed subtle changes, subtle trend where, oh, I would normally have done this, but I was gonna be courageous, so I was gonna, I, you know, I faced it. I took care of, I noticed that last night it was kind of dark and cold outside last night and the trash cans were still out. And I was like, I could do it tomorrow, but I’d feel better if I did it tonight.
[00:33:27] And part of my thing is courage. So like, oh, let’s do it right now. And I felt so good afterwards. Like, it just like felt such relief. It’s a small thing, but as you’re thinking about what you wanna write or raise your hand with, or celebrate for yourself, I invite you just to tune into the subtle little things and little trends you’re noticing in your life.
[00:33:46] Hmm. And then just take a deep breath and you can come back as you feel fit. But just noticing that contrast of three months from three months ago, where was I? What was I feeling and doing versus now I think can be a good way to notice the change. We tend not to, when we make really profound changes, especially with tapping, sometimes they feel so natural.
[00:34:09] I still remember when I was very, very first learning, tapping, they were showing this person who was so afraid of snakes, like terrified out of her mind about snakes. You said the word snakes. She screamed and jumped on the chair and they did tapping with her. And then after a little while they brought a snake in a cage in the other end of the room.
[00:34:24] She was terrified and she kept bringing it closer into the end. She’s holding a. And they’re like, you were really scared of snakes. She’s like, oh, I was never that scared. It’s called the Apex effect. And they’ve showed her the video and she’s like, wow, I guess I really was. So like we don’t always notice how profound the changes are unless we do a direct mindful comparison.
[00:34:44] So I see we have hand raised. Do you wanna start, Rick? Uh, why don’t you start? I think that’d be great. All right. I’m Noreen, I’m drawn to, to you. Hi. Thank you. Well, I’ve been focusing on wise fearlessness and three months ago, you know, the last three months up until now have I’ve been sick. Um, I’ve gotten better.
[00:35:21] I have had. Mount up and down things with my relationship with my family here. And, um, uh, I found out my, my brother passed, and, and yet I am really kind of celebrating that with all these things kind of all happening at once. I’m, I’m getting through it all. I’m, uh, I love that. Yeah. I, I’m, I’m doing it. I’m, that’s huge.
[00:36:13] Being it, I’m being like, uh, when there are, uh, Events that happen within my family and everybody is going nuts, crazy. And you know, I realize I’ve been able to be calmer and more clearly, see what’s going on and you know, go from there. Offer if asked what? Yeah. What a huge shift. Like just even a little bit calmer, a little bit of, huh?
[00:37:06] This, yeah, look at them running. That offers them a chance to step out. There’s a role model, there’s someone to co-regulate with. There’s different perspectives and they might have otherwise what a beautiful gift to give to yourself and to your family. And, and I, I realize it is, there’s no one big thing.
[00:37:29] It’s little subtle subtleties. Um, yeah. So, I love the, those subtle things can make a huge difference. One of Rick’s favorite analogies is if I, if I’m flying from New York to LA and I don’t wanna go to la if I change the trajectory of my flight, even 1%, one degree, I’m ending up someplace very, very different.
[00:37:56] Like, it doesn’t have to be like a huge difference here, but over time it starts, we end up in a very, very different place. Yeah. So, yeah. And I’m, I’m truly feeling all of that. Thank you so much for sharing. Is there anything else you wanna say about that or anything you wanna tap on? Um, well we, I wouldn’t mind tapping on continuing the, you know, kind of, uh, continuing in that, in that vein.
[00:38:33] Yeah, karate chop. Even though I’ve made some good progress, even though I’ve made some good progress and I’m noticing some profound and quiet trends, and I am noticing some quiet and profound trends, I’d really like some more. Please. I would love some more. Please. Even though this feels really good, even though it feels really good and I’m proud of myself and I am proud of myself, I’m even celebrating.
[00:39:07] I’m even celebrating. I would like this to strengthen and grow. I would like this to strengthen and grow. I’m ready to be even wiser, fearlessness, fearless, and I’m ready for even wiser fearlessness. Thank you. Your grammar is much better than mine. Top of the head. I did grow a lot. I did grow a lot eyebrow.
[00:39:35] I’m, I built up the muscles for growing. I built up the muscles for growing side of the eye, and I would like this to continue and I would like this to continue under the eye. I asked the universe and my body, I ask the universe and my body under the nose of my heart and brain, my heart and my brain, Jen, to please help me continue to grow this, to please help me to continue to grow this hallon.
[00:40:09] Not only does it feel good, not only does it feel good under the arm, it helps me be there for other people in a different way. It helps me be there for people in a different way, top of the head. It even helps me be there for me in a different way. And it re really helps me be there for me in a different way.
[00:40:34] Please send more, please send more, and just take a duck Briefly accept, yeah, just nice deep breath. Yeah, that was beautiful. Oh, thank you so much. Yeah, so I so appreciate you bringing that forward and sharing that, Noreen, and, and it’s, I think if you look like what you first said was it wasn’t a perfect time.
[00:40:58] There were struggles and, but I still had the, so like we get to have both. It doesn’t have to be Nobel Prizes. It can be, huh? They freaked out and I stayed sa you know, I stayed calm and was there when they wanted to come back and I was, you know, okay. About it. That’s he, yeah. So thank you so much. Yeah, thank you.
[00:41:20] Go ahead and mute you,
[00:41:25] Rick Glen.
[00:41:32] I’m still dwelling on this idea of, uh, positive emotions stagnating. Cause it’s, it’s almost kind of counterintuitive when we think of something like sadness stagnating, it becomes depression or fear stagnating, it becomes anxiety. But what happens when, say, happiness or joy stagnates and we don’t allow it to, to move?
[00:41:57] And I’m curious, I’m curious about that. And my guess is it becomes perhaps like when, when I Do you feel it in your body? Well, I, I think it’s more observing others and, and, and making sort of, uh, guesses and predictions cuz we’ve probably all met people who always are in a celebratory mood and that comes off kind of manic,
[00:42:25] which is k which, which seems to have a lot of movement to it, but the emotion itself is stagnant. Mm-hmm. Does that make sense? I don’t know. I’m kind of thinking this through out loud as we go here. Um, be, because if we can, hold on. I mean, what, I guess the question is that I’m trying to unpack it. We, it’s easy to see what happens when negative emotions become stagnant, but what happens when those positive emotions don’t flow through us so they become stagnant.
[00:42:51] What’s something that you feel like you could move more energy around in your life, appreciation wise, for example? Oh, okay. It feels a, um, feels a little constipated, stagnant. Unexpressed. Yeah. Well, okay. There’s probably lots of things I’ll, I’ll take some. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. Thanks for bringing that up. It’s my job too.
[00:43:21] Help us feel uncomfortable. Well, okay. So what’s alive with me currently is the guitars that I’ve been working in collaboration with The, uh, first Nations woman painting them. She has a rather large, uh, exhibition coming up, and some of our guitars are featured. And an exhibition, of course, is a kind of celebration of her art artwork and our collaboration is one part of it, but there’s part, so where’s where’s the part?
[00:43:54] Yeah. What’s the part of me that, um, I’m, I’m appreciative to a limited degree because I look at the guitars and there’s that thing of, yeah, but they could be better, you know, Uhhuh. Yeah. I can’t fully celebrate it. What, what if I let go of the story that they could be better? What if I let go of the story?
[00:44:16] They could be better. Well, then I’d be, I made this possible. Yeah. I mean, I, I helped to make this possible. Yeah. Without me, these don’t exist. Without me. These don’t exist. Ah, I appreciate the, what are some of the emotions that matter to you that you put into them? If you were to, if I were to look beyond the paint and everything, and I saw the emotions that you put in the energetic states of things that matter to you that are I, they’re imbued with.
[00:44:57] Well, I don’t know if well, caring and craftsmanship and, um, when you’re being crafty, that type of detail. Okay. What state of being do you fall into when you’re really being attention to detail? Because it matters to you what state of being you’re doing something that matters. What’s the state of being?
[00:45:24] Well, very focused. Um, alert,
[00:45:33] usually well calm, uhhuh, sometimes times. Yeah, sometimes frustrated. Yeah. Uh, all of that stuff, I’m bringing who I am to my work.
[00:45:55] And frustration is something that I have trouble letting flow. Mm-hmm. Wanna hold onto that? Yeah.
[00:46:08] I appreciate the frustration right now cause the work matters to me. Yeah. I wouldn’t be frustrated if I didn’t give a shit.
[00:46:19] Absolutely. Ah,
[00:46:36] what are you noticing in your body?
[00:46:48] Well, I’m imagining the exhibition is what I’m sort of seeing. And I’m, I’m feeling, uh, I’m feeling Yeah. A, a degree of appreciation and, uh, and accomplishment. Mm-hmm. That seems, uh, that seems reasonable and deserved. Mm-hmm.
[00:47:16] I believe there’s growth for us when we, when we, uh, we look at the filters like deserved and consider that there’s a, there’s a level of celebration and appreciation for self and co-creating and, and what we, what we make possible that doesn’t necessarily have to land in a place of achievement. You have a very concrete achievement.
[00:47:48] It’s, it’s, it’s gonna be an exhibition. Like that’s, and there are probably some really, maybe a hundred, 500 profoundly beautiful moments where you brought something that mattered to you that was, that was what it needed. It needed your presence. Maybe it needed your frustration. Maybe it needed, you know, your, your sensuality as you rubbed it and you felt like, Hmm, this is not quite where it needs to be.
[00:48:25] Like, there’s sensitivity of, of, um, senses, visual, um, the kind of way that you were with it. And I, I believe that, you know, when I, when I tap with a mom who doesn’t feel like they. They’re a good mom. There’s usually a whole bunch of like examples, but if you drop into, were you at all present with your child’s pain for five seconds in a meaningful way that matters to you?
[00:48:58] Oh yeah, a lot more. Oh, you know, we, I want to normalize, um, a cycle, a virtuous cycle, I believe, of strengthening ourself through self recognition of, um, not just the doing, which I think is great. Like I want to do work that matters. Um, this first segment of our exploration to me is focused on any time you are being what matters to you.
[00:49:30] That is enough cause for celebration because those of us that have, are setting an intention to be a certain way. Even if it is definitely not, like I, if eager is, is sort of a peak experience for me. If I’m eager a, a, a couple times a day, that’s a big deal for me. Right. Um, I have, I have this thing where I’m, I’m that I’m quite alert to in others.
[00:50:04] And I, I would guess in myself as well. Like, uh, there’s one friend I’m thinking of who, uh, if we’re using the term Celebrate, kind of over celebrates himself and has created a personal mythology. That just doesn’t hold up to reality. Mm-hmm. Yeah. That’s not, that’s not my way. Yeah, that’s not my way. It wouldn’t be authentic for me.
[00:50:29] It would not be authentic for me. My whole system doesn’t work that way. My whole system does, and I’m inviting my being to differentiate, inviting my being to differe, differentiate. My celebration may be so subtle. No one even knows it’s happening.
[00:50:55] And that does, you know, like I believe that if we start, a lot of times, you know, celebration is sort of this cel, this connection with others and party and group. Um,
[00:51:12] It almost feels like there’s not even like celebration as I, I’ve argued around like calling this workshop, celebrating and strengthening yourself. It’s been an edge for me because I have had to look at the same thing, just like eagerness. I had to look at what I found objectionable about eagerness, and I’ve had to look at what I find objectionable about celebration in order for me to kind of land on, you know, if I am acknowledging my state of being, that matters to me, that I touched on and I brought forth into the world for me and, and yes, sometimes for people I share the space with, um, that’s a celebration, you know?
[00:51:59] Mm-hmm. I could give myself a thumbs up. I could give myself a pat on the. I could give myself a little gold star in heaven, like, um, nobody else has to know. That is the first step for me of being, feeling more free to celebrate. Um, right. And, and you know, Kathy and I have a thing where, hey, do you, would it be okay if I celebrate it?
[00:52:25] We actually ask consent for celebration because, you know, sometimes people aren’t in the mood to celebrate, but it’s really sweet when Yeah, you get that back. Um, and you know, emotional freedom to me includes the capacity to be aware of and accept and acknowledge and even, yeah, celebrate, um, who we are, what we’re cultivating.
[00:53:00] And how that then flows into our work. You know, we have work that we, we’ve infused with something however imperfectly in the physical realm, but there’s a lot of us that goes into the things that we do conscious for, otherwise, yeah. Thank you. Thank you, Glen. Yeah. Thank you. Ah-huh.
[00:53:28] Kathy, I’m, I forgot I mute myself. Yeah. Um, yeah, I just, I think it’s really, I love the fact that people step forward to share because I think that we forget, we see other people celebrating when we see TV or whatever. It seems like it’s so easy to celebrate when it’s actually a skill. Allowing and building the muscles of celebration and feeling appreciation.
[00:53:55] Ever since I’ve learned about like how I, I would do this with people, I would feel appreciation, but I wouldn’t fully express it and I would start making them perfect. And then I don’t have a, an intimate relationship with them. I have a relationship with me and the ideal I have of that other person versus me and the actual person I’m with.
[00:54:14] And I don’t wanna do that. I wanna be vulnerable and authentic with people. I wanna be real with them. So I’ve been trying to practice sharing the appreciations. Um, and I do a lot of radical honesty, which some parts of me, so I love some parts and don’t love other parts, but, um, the person, the coach I was working with was like, I encourage you to go up to someone and say, you know, I’m feeling a lot of appreciation.
[00:54:36] Can I just gush at you for a little while? Can I, you know, just like I loved when you did that and you took, you did this and you smiled at me and I just felt so warm. And like just being, not just mindlessly, but consciously feeling those things and being with someone. I don’t think we do that very much in our society.
[00:54:54] Like there’s a lot of top dog, top dog, bottom dog, where it’s like, if I appreciate you too much, I’m lowering myself, versus I’m gonna stand in my appreciation and I’m gonna express what I’m feeling and feel what I’m feeling so I can get over it. So I can just be real with you now, and doesn’t mean that I didn’t, don’t still remember that I appreciated you, but I don’t have to be stuck in the feelings I was having.
[00:55:17] I don’t wanna have stale feelings. I wanna have real feelings now. Um, so I, I just think it’s the fact that Nore and Glen stepped forward and shared that. I think it helps sometimes to, for, for me to like, oh yeah, I’m not the only one who struggles with this. That celebrating is just as hard as learning to grieve or learning to be angry or learn because so many of us have been repressed and, and held back with this.
[00:55:42] So I just, I just really, I wanna appreciate you both for stepping forward and sharing that and, and for, yeah. Modeling. Thank you. I’m feeling drawn to bring us to a close rather than take a break. Does that feel good to you? Yeah, please speak up. How are people feel? Yeah. Um, I am. I am profoundly grateful for those of you who have been a part of this series.
[00:56:11] Um, I did it for me and we, um, I like that model. Um, it’s one where we, I have taken so much from the wisdom and sharing and getting the, the privilege to help facilitate this. Thank you Kathy, so much. Um, there’s, uh,
[00:56:46] one of my, um, I don’t know how to share this. Um, I’m eager to share it and I’m.
[00:57:05] I picture my, my, my young teenage self, um, uh, eager in so many ways
[00:57:16] and looking outside of himself for affirmation of that his eagerness was welcome. That, um, it was in the right context and a whole bunch of other, um, externally referenced for the, to use the technical term. Um,
[00:57:41] I have noticed that in my spiritual connection that there’s a, a kind of acknowledgement and yes, celebration of who I am including, and even sometimes particularly, My attempts to be what matters to me. Even if I don’t come through that in the quiet morning hours, during meditation, during prayer, however my spiritual life weaves around, there’s a, an acknowledgement of
[00:58:30] my beingness, and I share that because if you two sometimes are looking for that acknowledgement of who you are predominantly or exclusively from other people, I believe that you could feel it from our circle. You can feel it from Kathy and I. We do. I so appreciate. The people who are directly and extended out from us for the, the hearty courage and the fearlessness and the, the desire to fear, feel peaceful amidst turmoil.
[00:59:10] Like I am, I get spiritually giddy over someone who is navigating difficult things and yet also notices a beautiful moment that crosses their way, or that they actively go out and seek that despite health challenges and financial challenges and everything else, like those things are, are more the noise.
[00:59:40] And for me that that’s the emotional world. There’s an accessibility to an affirmation, a confirmation that what you matters matters to that which put this. Whole thing together. Whatever name and experience you have of that, um, you’re invited to reach for that, ask for it. Um, and thank you. Anything else, Kathy, as we close for this, I just wanna celebrate you all for building your celebration muscles.
[01:00:18] Woohoo. Good job. Let’s celebrate. Like if you can let a little of that in, if, and if you notice some resistance, maybe I’m too enthusiastic for you or didn’t do it perfectly, just notice that cause it’s information made me blush all rock. Remember what you’re learning here. You embody and carry out in the world.
[01:00:39] And even if people get a little flavor of it, it teaches them that it’s possible for them too. You are walking beacons of hope and I celebrate the hell outta all of you. Yeah, thanks very much. Love, love. Bye. Thank you.
Great to have you on this journey with us!