Assertive

Concepts for Thriving
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Assertive

Being assertive means expressing yourself confidently and directly while respecting others. It involves standing up for your needs and values without being aggressive or dominating. Assertiveness is a healthy balance between passivity and aggression that enables you to communicate openly, advocate for yourself, and thrive in your relationships and endeavors.

  • Enables you to express your thoughts, beliefs, and feelings in a straightforward yet respectful way.
  • Helps you put your clarity and confidence into action, being assertive on behalf of what matters to you.
  • Respectfully assertive co-creators are able to explore the ideascape together and discover inclusive and mutually engaging approaches.

Be Assertive on Behalf of Ideas That Matter

What’s an idea that matters to you?

Does it matter to you enough to share it?

Are you willing to explore the idea with others who hold differing perspectives?

Being assertive means putting your life energy into what matters. Yes, it is work to be assertive. It can call on your clarity and your courage. It can expose you to contrast as you share with those who don’t care about what you deeply care about.

The great news is that being assertive about ideas is freeing! We’re not saying, “I know best! (And if you respect me you’ll agree!)” Arrogant advocacy is not what this is about.

Yes, it IS about what matters to us. But it is not personal.

Consider that co-creating matters to you. You share the concept. You invite people to be co-creators, too (with you and others in their life). Co-creating is an idea, and we assert that co-creating is a juicy fit for a thriving life! Co-creating matters to us.

Guess what… People seeking personal achievement and the hero’s victory (THEIR victory) over adversity don’t get excited about co-creating.

That’s more than ok. That’s diversity (another concept for thriving).

By being assertive, we readily discern those with interest from those don’t. We’re seeking congruence and engagement — not “dominance” over others (which always creates conflict and resistance).

So consider being assertive on behalf of ideas — ideas that matter to you.

Assertive Consent and Respect

Assertive energy has life force behind it. We can use that energy to write, dance, make art, and more.

Because most of us have been exposed more often to arrogance than assertiveness, it’s useful to explore how to be assertive while not “running over” others.

A starting point can be to be assertive first with consent. If consent matters to you, check in first. “I’d love to explore something that matters to me. Is (what matters) interesting to you? Is now a good time?”

Consent has its own dialect and vocabulary. It’s an evolving exploration, too. By asking, however awkwardly, we are radiating respect for the person(s) being asked. We are not assuming that because something is important to us it is (or “should be”) important to them, too. Or that now is the right moment.

Respect extends to their freedom, too — especially their freedom to NOT get excited and even to not “get it.”

If you want to amp up your assertiveness, try boosting your energy around consent and respect for freedom, too. The combination is potent for thriving together.

Useful Questions

  • How might I be more assertive about what matters to me?
  • Are there ways I am being aggressive where what I most want is to be assertive in a healthy way?
  • What fears come up for me when I imagine being a bit more assertive around an idea that matters?
  • Am I taking it personally when people I care about don’t agree? How might I stay true to what matters while respecting their freedom?

Resources

Related Concepts

Divine Filtering, Co-Creating, Contrast, Courage, Clarity, Calm and Confident, Discernment, Consent, Safety+Respect+Freedom

Links