Accepting What Is


Accepting What Is… required for me accepting that I was taught, actively, that if there was anything “wrong” that I needed to “fix it.”

It was easy to teach me that. It’s both my heartistry and my engineer nature and nurturer’s soul that make me want people to feel good, be pleased, and enjoy a thriving life.

But WOW.

That orientation can really evoke a lot of distress without a practiced skill of Acceptance.

Acceptance doesn’t mean “like.”

It means, at the emotional and energetic level, being aware that a situation exists and… letting that be true.

“She doesn’t like me.”

Acceptance to me as a teenager meant that there was something wrong with me. It caused strain and pain and heartache.

But when we notice what’s REAL, and we accept it as REAL (even… and especially if unwanted), it frees us.

It Frees Us!

Yes, it does. We’re not pushing against reality if we accept what’s real.

  • We do not have to like what is real.
  • We don’t have to passively take in and tolerate it.

We’re letting go of denial as a way of protecting ourselves (which was never meant to be chronic anyway). We’re allowing ourselves to feel grief, sadness, even anger… because we can be with those emotions now… rather than pretending we don’t feel that way.

When we’re not resisting what’s real, we’re now free to adapt. And resilient adaptation is core to thriving.

Getting Real is a set of learnable and sharable skills. This book by Susan Campbell is an excellent resource for that, as is the practice of being in community like we’re cultivating here.

What’s something Real that you have a hard time Accepting?

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I have a hard time accepting that my sister doesn’t speak with me anymore. That might change in the future and I hope it does, but I think I will be in a better place to receive a reconnection in the future if I could accept that this is happening right now. It’s been a year and a half and that’s happening. I am struggling to accept this reality. It’s too terrifying and full of loss.

It’s REALLY hard, and I’d even label it Unnatural, for us to have people we care about deeply that we “could” talk with… but we “can’t.” My primitive brain is utterly baffled and even terrified – what has happened to our TRIBE!!! We don’t ostracize each other except for the worst of crimes!

Being cast out used to be the death sentence. These days, well, it can be self-honoring.

Our culture and community is dearly lacking in Restorative Practices. We don’t have a lot of experience having deep wounds heal. We live not in huts next to each other to eat around the same fire each night. We’re insulated by distance and email and phone number blocking.

Faced with lack of supportive resource, it doesn’t surprise me that avoidance is on the rise. Triggered by someone, but there’s no proven (!) safe path towards clean-up and restoration of healthy love? Avoid.

My heart feels so tender knowing the pain it causes you, @Dru, when you continue to do so much to ready yourself for being reunited with her.

Perhaps acknowledging how “unnatural” this feels first, then on accepting this unwanted reality? I’m open to exploring this with you on a circle call anytime.

Heart Hugs ~ @Rick

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