Acceptance

What is… Acceptance?

Acceptance is an empowering state of being where we release the “pushing against” or “running from” where we are, what is actually happening, and how we are feeling.

With Acceptance, we stand grounded in the now, with rising confidence we can be with what is. This opens up our energy for healing, transformation, better boundaries, and co-creative adaptations.

See also: Awareness, Unwanted Reality, Adaptation, Resistance, Co-Creation, EFT Tapping

Benefits of… Acceptance

  • When we stop arguing and fighting with reality – even unwanted reality – we re-activate our capacity to see clearly and find alternatives.
  • When we accept and become surprisingly “ok” with who we are and how we’re feeling, our energy transforms to be more present and reliable.
  • If a part of our body is in pain, if we deprive it of acceptance, we are also depriving it of integration and healing energy flow. Acceptance often has a surprising impact on our restoration and sense of well-being.
  • Acceptance affirms our value even if we’re “not perfect” and this re-opens our creativity and confident.
  • In the face of something “unacceptable” we cannot be calm. Acceptance even of an unwanted reality allows for us to be grounded, calm, and resourceful.

Examples of… Acceptance

Accepting the Unacceptable

There’s a difference between asking “Would this be acceptable to you?” (an inquiry about the future and some choice), and the state of acceptance where the situation already IS!

People all the time have a situation and declare how unacceptable it is. But watch what happens next. Usually they end up fighting reality, complaining (a form of disagreeing with reality) or hiding from it hoping it might change (or even denying it even is the way it is). Where’s the personal power in either of those approaches?

Acceptance means we can acknowledge the situation is not what we wanted. Acceptance means we can have intense feelings about the situation – and all those feelings are acceptable.

It’s also true that we can accept where we are right now and know that we must make changes because continuing like this is… unacceptable. What we’re not doing is staying stuck fighting ourselves, or fighting over how we got this way.

I accept where I am, this unwanted reality, and how I feel about it.

When we do that, with some EFT Tapping to help the energy, we can then shift towards a menu of possibilities to go from where we are, in baby steps, towards a more thriving life.

I Deeply and Completely Accept Myself… Anyway

Beating ourselves up is… taught. Reinforced. Who hasn’t heard statements like “You should be ashamed of yourself!” or “You should have known better.”

Well, ok. How does that feel?

Does that bring out the best in you? Does it help you to reject yourself, hold resentments towards others, hate parts of your body until they stop hurting or get thin?

The EFT Setup Statement most commonly taught is:

Even though _____, I deeply and completely accept myself.

Why is that so potent? Because it is calling a truce. It says no matter what is going on or what you’re feeling or not feeling, no matter the level of pain… shift to acceptance. Stop fighting. Stop running. Pause and feel that even with whatever is alive for you, you are acceptable.

So many humans have a horribly hard time saying that they accept themselves! Immediately the voices of their critics and bullies burst forth inside their heads. It’s why we suggest adding the word… anyway.

Even though _____, I deeply and completely accept myself anyway.

With this concept taken to heart, you can feel the wisdom in calling a truce. You can know the usefulness of recognizing what is right now, and giving yourself space to adapt rather than fight or flee or keep going along in ways that damage your well-being.

I Can’t Make Them Different

We’re “set up” from birth to try and make people love us. Why? Because without at least some care, we die.

Trauma, childhood neglect and abuse, and all the other ways humans are mistreated can make it really and truly HARD for us to accept people where they are… especially if their behavior is “unacceptable” to us.

  • We can try to “make” someone be considerate.
  • We can keep trying and trying to get someone to understand and meet our needs.
  • We can get hooked into being manipulated – doing things that are not a YES for us, yet we do them anyway in order to fix what is unacceptable.

Humans who are highly empathetic can really be challenged here. Better Boundaries are not taught to us empaths; most people appreciate how responsive (and malleable) we can be!

When we pause and allow ourselves to be aware, it’s possible to discern how someone actually is… not how on some level we believe they could or should be.

Hopium is a hook. Acceptance is the release.

Acceptance is not dismissive. It is not rejecting. It is not even judgmental! It is clear seeing with courage and willingness to accept our limitations and theirs… and move forward (or not) from that clarity.

Note: We humans are diverse. Our capacities are on spectrums in every direction. Some people honestly lack the empathy “app.” Some have been traumatized to the extent that they cannot handle noise, sensations, smells, or certain emotions even in microdoses. There’s the neurodiversity spectrum. Culturally we vary radically. We have propensities and passions, and we have bodies that function well in certain emotional environments and dysfunction in others.

We might be growing into a potential. We may be fleeing from a change that terrifies us. We may be processing and healing deep wounds.

And yeah, the person you really need to be different – that is being “unacceptable” – might also be a kid whose brain hasn’t even fully developed! As well as coping with all the other stuff…

We’re human. Acceptance says OK. Acceptance calls a truce. Acceptance leaves open the possibility for adapting so you can thrive… and allow other beings the emotional freedom to find what works for them, too.

In the We-Spaces we share, we can influence, model, invite, and inspire. That ALL works better and with less stress and strain when grounded in Acceptance.

I accept where I am…

Imagine that instead of feeling inadequate or even a failure because you’ve not “lived up to your potential” …you accepted where you are right now… anyway?

People who actually feel like they are thriving right now accept where they are (and even how they feel). That leaves their emotions available to… feel abundant. To experience simple uplifts. To relax into savoring food and nature. The be inspired and engaged with projects that matter to them.

If we are pushing against where we are, guess what!?! Our primitive brain interprets that as a threat. A not good.

We’re surviving (at best) when our primitive brain is in charge of the now.

We’re thriving when we can really be with the precious now, this life, the simple pleasures that kings and queens of old could never ever have imagined… that are ours, right here, where we are.

Acceptance of where we are and how we feel opens the door to grounded well-being now and expanded well-being as life moves forward.

We invite you to share life examples where this concept has played a role.

Useful Questions

  • What am I refusing to accept about my situation?
  • …About myself?
  • …About those close to me?
  • What do I fear would happen if I did “accept” this situation?

What other questions come to mind for you? Please reply and share your wisdom.

Resources for… Acceptance

We welcome links to audios, videos, books, and courses that add to our shared understanding of this concept. Memes and quotes are also welcome.


Contributors: @Rick

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I am accepting the unwanted reality that I am unable to effect any beneficial change of behavior with my grandsons (and in some way to blame for it while their father works and their mother is absent) within the dysfunctional, unstructured and chaotic environment that they call home and I’ve had to call my “landing spot” since arriving on Oahu two and a half months ago. After yesterday’s circle call, I am surprisingly ok with my feelings. I am confident that I will be better able to model the things that matter to me in my own SacredSpace. I am so looking forward to, once again creating my Me Space that reflects who I am, my values and my aesthetic.

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Thank you Norene for your sharing. I added a section above on when we can’t fix others. I hope that supports you in your intentions with the boys, too.

I know from “jumping into” a family with a 5-year-old that “behavior” is not the first thing to change (usually) in a good way. There’s processing – which kids do often pretty dramatically. There’s building of trust, especially when people have left or separated in their young world already. There’s modeling and better boundaries and healing.

In 2.5 years I know in my core that my presence is loved and valued. If I stay in a place of Acceptance, then the flare-ups are interpreted differently – and that’s hard sometimes because I’m wanting (and mostly succeeding) at being a different kind of adult presence than I had growing up.

Becoming the parent/co-creator/grandparent we wanted most, perhaps, and discovering the emotional growth (ouch!) we need for our nervous system and Patience Systems to see that through.

Love to you, and thank you for your love and clarity for them… and for you in crafting a replenishing haven for yourself soon.

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Wow, did you ever hit the nail on the head with that sentence!! Thank you for bringing all that I’m experiencing into focus in one succinct sentence and reminding me that “growing pains” are real.

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If it were my quote, it would be cultivating Acceptance for things outside their control. Because… there’s an overwhelming amount that is outside our control.

I do believe in energy influence. I believe that if we hold dear to us a world with emotional freedom, safety, and respect… we change the emotional world. Perhaps we change it about as much as a struggling tree does in the midst of a city’s pollution… and still, I hold that we do.

It’s in the problem solving, gotta-fix-it-or-else-we-all-die part of our brain, where to not have acceptance of the unwanted reality means way way more of our life force gets drained away in – yeah, I’ll say useless ways. Even harmful. Like the bark being stripped from the same tree killing it quicker than even the pollution would – and depriving us all of the oxygen it can product from the CO2 it consumes.

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Yes. I have preconceived notions about the way it SHOULD be.

I should on myself when I stay stuck in how it should be rather than be fully aware and accept the reality of how things actually are.

When I do this, when I embrace Acceptance like this, the emotional distress has an opportunity to fade – to calm.

Why? Because…

If we’re arguing about reality, reality always wins.

Stop pushing against what is, and you can get clear and adapt in ways that support your survival… and ideally your thriving.

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