#8 - Letās think up some endings for what could happenā¦
Thatās such a useful one for me! I discovered that one for myself some years ago. What worked for me was to imagine the most outrageous āendingā. Going to the dentist and being soooo anxious that I throw up on myselfā¦poop in my pantsā¦run around screaming in the officeā¦breaking thingsā¦taking hostages, demanding one million dollars and a helicopter. Because anything less than those āendingsā is going to be an okay outcome. 
There were many other situations I would use that technique with.
When I examined how I did anxiety (itās a behaviour that has a repeatable structure after allā¦a series of internal steps we take that produce those feelings) I realized that one of the features of imagining an anxious event was that it always ended at the height of my anxiety/terror. I would end it there because the intensity was overwhelming to my primitive imagining brain. Then I would cycle back to the beginning. Itās an āanxiety loopā. So I thought āwell, what might possibly happen if I continue the imagining beyond that high point?..since Iām just imagining stuff anywayā And an interesting thing happened I noticedā¦when I asked 'and what happens nextā it eventually always gets to a moment where there is no more anxiety or it is extremely reduced. Even if I get to the point where I imagine I die from the extreme fear Iām feeling, well, thatās an end to the anxiety. Most āendingsā werenāt that extreme though.
I canāt recall if I tapped while doing thatā¦I might haveā¦itās been a while since Iāve played with this idea. Iām going to have to rejuvenate this and tap while doing it.
Nice! I am going to apply that myself and noticeā¦
Me too!! lolā¦itās been quite a while since Iāve played with this and, as I said, I canāt remember if I tapped while doing it. Iām going to add tapping for sure.
For ME thinking of the worst that could happen would not work because I am really good at doing that and I would get stuck/frozen there. 4 and 6 would be what would feel good to my inner child and my outer one too. Even 3 tell me about it helps. Right now Jan 15 2022 waiting for a big snowstorm in our particular area has my PTSD about being trapped right here up in my face. I have talked to my worry and it said you might be trapped when the big snow comes but it isnāt like the trapped that you went through as a child with all your surgeries or when you felt so trapped in school. I tell my worry that you will get through this and you have so much more things you can do. I filled up my iPad with books I can read even if the power is off. I got 3 bags of ice for the cooler, a propane gas stove, fruits and vegetables that do not need to be refrigerated, lots of bottled water, clean, warm clothes and blankets. I got a car charger for my cell phone and even a small propane heater, So yes my worry is somewhat lessened. Even if we donāt get the amount of snow they are predicting I have had a chance to heal another layer. Plus I know exactly where in my body I am feeling all of this.
I know (in my way) that feeling youāre describingā¦the trapped thing. Itās been an emotional theme throughout my life in both literal and metaphorical ways. Literal = physically trappedā¦elevator, plane etc. Metaphorical = non-physicalā¦ātrappedā in a relationship for eg. Taking all the actions you have is probably the best way to address those feelings. I think youāve covered just about everything but one important item is noticeably missingā¦a toboggan!
Imagining the worst, for me, means imagining something absolutely cartoonishly ridiculousā¦completely unlikely to happenā¦for me that works but we are all āneuro-diverseā in various aspects so I can understand how that may not work for you as it has for me.
Youāre right Glenn, where is that toboggan??? Thanks for the humor. I would love for this to be more of an adventure. Weāve had snow before but we didnāt lose power the way we have lately. That seems to be the culprit behind my feeling so trapped. We got stuck for a week in our other house up on the mountain because there was ice, then snow, then more ice and it was so thick we had to wait for it to start to melt. But we didnāt lose power. I had to get creative with the food we had left because for sure we couldnāt get to the store or anyplace else.
With my sense of humor maybe imagining something ridiculously cartoonish would help. Do you have any suggestions? I love to laugh.
Iām hesitant to offer you specific suggestions because I donāt want to put images in your mind that you might actually find distressing rather than cartoonishā¦so I wonāt offer any ideas about snowstorms specificallyā¦ 
For me the more outrageously disastrous I can make it the better. And it doesnāt have to necessarily be humorous. Like I might imagine going to the dentist and being so anxious I wet myself and I run around the office screaming like a lunatic while throwing up everywhere on everyone and crying uncontrollably and then I jump out a window and run home. Now, none of those things are particularly funny, neither are they likely to happen. So the sense is that anything that occurs thatās less dramatic than those outrageous things is perfectly acceptable and totally survivable. And I guess thatās the pointā¦survivalā¦asking or expecting to āthriveā under some extremely triggering circumstances is too big of a stepā¦so letās just create some amount of calm so the Primitive Brain at least feels like survival is possible and maybe even probable.
I just remembered one that I used quite a few times. For several years I had to take a ferry to Salt Spring Island to pick up and return my children when they were little. I did that every weekend. They lived there with their mother. There were times when I got very anxious and sometimes even panicky at being on the ferry (itās that ātrappedā thing again) and one thing that helped was this thought that if I really needed to get off the ship NOW I could jump and swim to shore. The ferry trip was close to the shores of a few other islands so it was conceivable that it was possibleā¦but at the same time I knew I would never do itā¦but my Primitive Brain settled down and calmed substantially when it was offered a way outā¦a way to survive. And my PB accepted it as a real possible solution at the very same time my ātalking brainā knew it would never happen.
I hope some of that might be useful for youā¦
Yes that was useful. One of the big things I have a āphobiaā about is getting so anxious that I poop myself (TMI I know) but yes I could imagine doing that in the dentist or other places and actually the feeling/fear of it has made me reschedule/cancel appointments. @RickThrivingNow has told me to put clean clothes, paper towels, etc in a bag and take it with me just in case and Iāve done that. My Primitive Brain sometimes would go along with that but not always. When I was really agoraphobic I had to know where every bathroom was when we went out. I have often wondered what it would feel like to be able to go places or travel without that sense of anxiety. I think I had some of it as a child going to the Jersey shore with my aunt. I remember going to camp too and not having it. I spent a week in Ocean City, NJ with friends. The ocean area was always my happy place.
We got our snow and it is still snowing. Maybe sleeting now but so far we still have power at 2:07pm. I am so thankful and have not had a problem so far with it today - anxiety. I even took a couple of videos and posted it on my FB page. I think weāve gotten about 8 or 9 inches so far.
Iām not sure if this suggestion will help or not but it is certainly appropos to the weather in your world! Take a look at the Ice Queen of Tik Tok or just Google Ice Queen of Tik Tok. I heard about her on the news this morning!
I never heard of her before either. Some people like the cold and snow better than others, thatās for sure.
I understand the anxiety thingā¦agoraphobia was what I was diagnosed with about 14 years ago by a psychiatrist. The diagnosis took about 10 minutes I would say and for the whole time he never once looked up from his desk at meā¦not once. It was right out of Cuckooās Nestā¦lol. Very bizarre. The incompetent diagnosing the crazyā¦quite a systemā¦lol. (Iām using the word ācrazyā in a very playful way of courseā¦)
Iām MUCH better now but I have no problem recalling the worst of it when I couldnāt leave home and was experiencing panic everyday, all day. And the thought of having to go out put me in terror. Going to the grocery store was for me like asking me to skydive with a phobia of heights. Not fun but itās not like that anymoreā¦it took years to get where I am now and itās good. I have a few challenges still but Iām very appreciative of how much freedom Iāve recovered.
Agoraphobia is a catch all word for those who are afraid of places or situations that cause panic and feelings of being trapped. I never actually got a diagnosis. Mine came after the birth of my son. I was around 23. This is a very common time for it to show up. I had no idea what I had. I called it āmy problemā. Before this I had post partum depression for about 3 months that turned into this panic. I was watching the Phil Donahue talk show one afternoon and there were a bunch of people on who had the same symptoms I had. Finally there was a name for it. Soon afterwards there was an article in it a magazine about Agoraphobia. Both talked about how support groups could be beneficial. My mother also had periods of this and I thought maybe if I started a group in our area it would help both of us. A friend worked for the local newspaper and gave me a special price to put an ad in it asking who would be interested in joining an agoraphobia group. I got some of the saddest letters back. A group in Miami already had their group and said if I could come to one of their meetings they would help me. Me go to Miami? How was that possible? Bernie drove me and I had my tape recorder with relaxation tapes in it. The group was surprised to see me and they did help me get our group started. The mental health association offered us a meeting room and I had to interview a few licensed people to lead the group. Truly I have no idea where I found the courage to do this but it came from someplace. Yes I had to get up front, introduce myself, welcome people and yes I was terrified. The counselor started a therapy group for us where we practiced doing what scared us. I used to panic thinking about eating in restaurants but somehow got comfortable staying and eating. The name of the group was Agoraphobics Anonymous. The local newspaper wrote an article about our group. I facilitated it for a year until I realized that hearing otherās stories were not helping me anymore. Yes it was a scary time but I did get better and actually went to Disneyland. We bought a Van and a porta pot which helped so much. After a while I didnāt need it anymore. One thing I told myself was I would never stop driving but unfortunately I did when Bernie retired. We moved up to NC and I was afraid to drive in the mountains. I wish I hadnāt done that to myself. That was 22 years ago. I also feel this pandemic has set me back some. Thank Goodness for tapping and our group.
We had one man who could not make left hand turns. A woman couldnāt drive the interstate and had been known to back off the on ramp. Another could not be alone, etc. There are so many stories. I belong to an agoraphobia group on Facebook but I donāt go there often. It is too triggering.
Do you wish that you had never gotten that diagnoses? I agree not interacting with you was out of the Cuckooās nest for sure. A psychiatrist not looking up diagnosed my mother as having Schizophrenia and my step dad who thought doctorās were godās believed him and never treated her the same, so I understand how bizarre that is.
I feel the same about being appreciative of how much freedom Iāve recovered too but Iād like to put the panic on the end of a balloon and just poof it away never to be seen or felt again.
Thank you for sharing that part of your journey with me/us. Itās very moving and I appreciate that. I can relate to parts of it very strongly and vividly.
Well, I donāt think it made any difference to me in how I viewed myself. I donāt and didnāt put much stock in the business of psychiatry. The only reason I went was that I needed an official diagnosis from a āshrinkā to get on a disability income as I was still raising my two children as a single parent and I could not work because of the mental state I was in. I was incapacitated. Honestly, there was a very horrible period of time (about a yearā¦probably more) when I was certain and terrified that I would end up institutionalized. Things were not good and I couldnāt see a way out of it!! But there was some small part of me that knew I could get better. I have this part of me that just understands that we are designed to heal and move in that direction naturally. Of course, there are many examples of that not being the case but I see those as sort of counter-examples to the āruleā.
Also, my point of view about illness (and many other things) is probably a bit different than many other peopleās largely as a result of the influence of Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) in which I was trained. So, I had the understanding that anxiety is not something I have but itās something I do, which implies that itās behavioural and that there is a structure to it and that structure can be knowable and can be changed. Anxiety is the end result of a number of consistent and repeatable internal processes that I go throughā¦if I miss one or more of those steps in that process then the end result can no longer be āanxietyāā¦it will be something else which I will give a different name to because the sensations and emotions I experience will be different. It might be āedgyā or ājitteryā or maybe even ārelaxedā or āokayā. So that all means that itās changeableā¦itās malleableā¦itās moveableā¦itās not something I āhaveāā¦itās not a āthingā itās a process. I donāt have anxiety. I do anxiety. And for me, that understanding makes a huge difference.
Now, I donāt know how much of that makes sense or resonates with you but itās a glimpse of the way I perceive things to be. Itās sort of an engineering model of human behaviour I suppose and itās been a very potent force in my own life and has helped me sort out a lot of things about human behaviour in general.
The āsupport group modelā does have itās limitations and pitfalls, I agree. It can be a double edged sword. There is a point that can be reached, sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly, where that group situation simply begins to reinforce and solidify āthe problemā. Are they supporting me or are they supporting the problem?..or have me and the problem merged and become the same thing?!..hmmmmmm. It becomes part of your identity, both āthe problemā and being a member of a group with that problem. I think the explicit goal of support groups should be that ultimately you no longer need to be, or want to be, part of the group and then that makes it incumbent upon them (the facilitators) that they have the comprehensive tools to be able to make that happen.
So, Iām pleased that you are in a much better place than you have been in your past and Iām appreciative that I am as well and weāll move toward a future with even more freedom and more thriving.
Peace!
Yes I understand this. I know of NLP but never used it. My understanding that we are designed to heal comes more from a spiritual place but that might just be a word, not a completely different place. I believe we work with our guides before we come into this earth plane and decide what we want to work through. Of course we can change our minds any time. Change our path, go a different route. This gets complicated to explain but I believe we have angels and guides and spirit buddies who help us. Yes I believe too that anxiety is the end result of a lot of internal and repeatable processes that I go to also. How about I āfeelā anxiety as well as do anxiety? So no I donāt believe that I have either although at times it sure feels like thatās all Iām made up of.
The support group helped me so much because knowing so many others felt similar to how I felt helped me not feel all alone and about to go crazy like I had felt for so long.
Thank you for sharing how you felt and went through that horrible period of your life. Iām pleased for you too that you are in a better place. Yes we will move toward a more free future with more thriving. It is helpful to know another dear soul who understands and has felt such similar feelings.