5 Comfort Languages

How can we extend support to our loved ones in a language they ‘speak’ best? Here were the 5:

1) Being heard - “Man, that’s really tough and difficult.”

2) Optimism and pep talks - “You got this!”

3) Problem-solving - “Let’s figure this out.”

4) Distraction - “Let’s watch a movie.”

5) Physical - “A hug is waiting for you.”

I wanted to post this so we add it to our community vocabulary. Each of these is part of emotional support and co-regulation for sure.


For me I find #2 - You got this! is enhanced when it includes “We” as in We got this! Both aspects help to boost me back to a state of calm confidence. Yet… I find myself never asking for it. Interesting…


I’m a #1 sorta guy…with some #5 as well. I just want some acknowledgement that ‘it’ sucks…and for some reason that has a sort of rebound effect for me and I’ll start seeking solutions or alternate approaches. And it’s more than just acknowledgement I think…it feels like I’m no longer alone in experiencing the discomfort…someone else has been there too at some point. However, if someone starts advising me or handing me solutions I can feel myself getting resistant and agitated.


I think I’m primarily #1 then, #2 and love the addition of We!!

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I, too find myself frustrated when someone starts offering solutions, because odds are I’ve already thought of the things they are suggesting!

I’m a # 1 and # 5 person and then throwing in “we” never hurts, either.

Thanks for posting this, Rick!


Hmmm… this feels different from the other “languages” for me. I realize I am a 1 through 5 kinda guy, depending on the circumstance. Thanks for sharing.