Thriving Anyway - Replay - Real Skills Workshop
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We covered…
• Embrace the “Yes, and” mindset - Acknowledge challenges while still finding joy, like recovering from a flood yet still savoring moments with loved ones
• Practice breath awareness - When caught in worry, notice your in-breath to ground yourself in the present moment
• Build emotional tolerance and range gradually - Start small, like reading challenging news for just a minute while tapping, then slowly increase capacity
• Accept duality of experiences - You can be grieving and grateful simultaneously; life holds multiple emotions at once
• Focus on what’s in your control - When faced with uncertainty, ask “How can I be thriving anyway?” to reveal opportunities for emotional nourishment and gratitude
• Shift from fear to caring - Notice the love beneath your worries to open new perspectives and solutions
• Come home to the present - Use simple practices like noticing your breath or surroundings to anchor yourself when overwhelmed
• Find micro-moments of joy - Even in difficult times, savor small pleasures like morning coffee or connection with loved ones
• Model resilience for others - By developing these skills, you become an inspiration for those around you
• Practice emotional freedom - Use tools like EFT tapping to acknowledge feelings and shift energy when stuck
• Remember your capacity - You can hold awareness of both challenges and joys, finding your way back to what truly matters.
Resources Mentioned
Click for Computer Generated Transcript
Thriving Anyway
[00:00:00] Thriving anyway, a real skills workshop and if you told me back in my 20s that I could be thriving anyway, I would have been like, no, no, no, no. Thriving is when everything is perfect and your business is perfect and your friends are thriving too and nobody’s in distress and your animals live forever and, and, and, and I get it.
[00:00:32] Like I was a 20 year old, raised on an idea that thriving had to do with achievement rather than emotional freedom and the ability to focus our life force, our energy, and even our heart more on what matters, but not in denial of what isn’t. I’m Rick from Thriving Now, and I’m here with Cathy Vartuli, and I so appreciate that, um, you helped my family to be thriving anyway.
[00:01:03] We, our home is in Asheville.
[00:01:05] That was a very good practice to thrive anyway. So
[00:01:08] yeah, and, and, uh, we spent time with you while also being energetically and logistically connected to Asheville. And I wanted to share, uh, I don’t know if it’ll come through. No, probably not. It’s picking out individual
[00:01:25] faces really well.
[00:01:26] Let me, let me turn off the blur my background. Is that thriving anyway? It’s backwards, but Um, it’s not actually. This is our family calendar for the year, and my partner Jem put it on there. And the top picture is we’re up in, uh, We’re up in Juneau, Alaska, where we were when Helene hit Asheville, and, um, we’re kind of sticking out our tongues sideways.
[00:01:58] It was just a very weird diner that we were in, and yet we, we had quite a good time. And one of the other pictures is of us with the Redwoods when we were in California with you. And, uh, I didn’t know that Jem was going to adopt the Thriving anyway for our, our family calendar, but I’m, I’m delighted because it means so much to me, it is what’s given me a sense of connection to what matters, uh, and what attracted me to EFT tapping, the emotional tool that we use.
[00:02:37] We talked before the session, Cathy, about, uh, yes, and, and I’d like to start there. Would you kind of say what that means to you related to this?
[00:02:50] A key thing for thriving in any way, or just enjoying life. Like you talked about, a lot of us were raised to be perfectionists. And we’re kind of like, when I get the house completely cleaned, and my bills completely paid, and my, all my friends and family are okay, and I’ve taken a shower, and my hair is perfect, and I swept the front porch, then I can relax.
[00:03:12] Then I can enjoy life. And I think our media and our marketing, there’s a lot of, um, it’s black or white. Things are either really good or really bad. Um, and, um, The thing is, life is not really like that. Rick could have sat here when he came, uh, he, they went from, you know, came here because they couldn’t really get back to out to Asheville.
[00:03:34] There was no water, electricity, internet, or planes. Uh, there were some of the roads are gone. Um, They could have sat here and really just focused on how bad things were. They were people were missing. They didn’t know like when or if they’d be able to get home, it could have been really easy just to be in the, like, this is a really bad situation because there was, it is, that was like a three, it was a 30, 000 year flood.
[00:03:58] It hadn’t happened in the history of humans living in those mountains. So. It’d be very easy to get sucked into how bad things were. And yet we, we did a lot of tapping and talking and supporting each other. But we had, I had one of the most blissful times of my life. I got six weeks with Rick and Jem and the kids, um, and really bonded and we really just had some beautiful times.
[00:04:24] So when we can say, yes, thing, this is stressful. And. There are things that are still good. That is just, it’s a challenge because we’re not taught this when we’re growing up. We’re not modeled this, we’re not encouraged to do it. If we can create that new skill, it’s basically a life skill to see, Oh, this is really bad.
[00:04:45] Well, yeah. And I’m still here. I’m still okay. I’m breathing. I’m here with my friends right now. I missed you all. Like it’s, it’s been a couple months since we’ve had one of these calls and it’s okay to, the more we can practice yes and and remind each other yes and the more we can get the joy out of life that will fulfill us and help us through the tough times.
[00:05:09] Because if we’d all just sat here and worried, it would be very easy. And I know there were times, Rick, you were caught, like you’d be watching things and going, Oh my God, I don’t know what’s going to happen. And Jim, and I was worried about the kids were like, Adira kept saying my school’s flooded. I don’t, I think my house is flooded too.
[00:05:25] And I’m like, no, honey, it’s not flooded. But she was hearing bits and pieces and she’s four. So she was worried. Um, if we hadn’t had room for the, And we would have lost time. To me, it is one of the highlights of my life. It was the most precious time. Me sitting on the couch with all of the family, eating grapes, watching cartoons together.
[00:05:47] Um, it’s just like it’s a, those are moments when I, that I would never have otherwise. And Indira getting to sit on the back of the couch, I have an old leather couch, so she got to sit on the back of it, and when she wanted a grape, she’d just reach her little hand down, hold her hand, she’s watching TV, but she’d reach her hand down, I’d put a grape in it, she’d eat it, and then she’d put her little hand down when she wanted another, like the, ah, well that was just so dear to me.
[00:06:12] And, When we get, when we, it’s not that we shouldn’t be in reality. We’re not talking about spiritual bypassing or ignoring the negative things. Cause I think too many people do that. And that’s not a good way to cope with the world or deal with the world. But it’s like, yes, this can be bad. And I’m enough, I have enough soul and beingness to embrace both the negative and the positive at the same time.
[00:06:38] I think it kind of stretches our being in a way really helps us to embrace more and be able to like. Oh, it gives us like, you know, like a wider ship is less likely to tip over. If you have a really narrow canoe, it’s easy for it to get swamped by, by waves. If you have a really broad ship, it kind of rides the waves better.
[00:06:57] And I think when we become yes, and we kind of broaden our soul or being, and we can just like, Oh, this really sucks. And I’m also okay. And there’s some good things in my life.
[00:07:17] I was attracted to EFT tapping, um, first by the long name of it, uh, Emotional Freedom Techniques. I saw that and I was like, Oh, what’s going on there? Um, what I immediately liked that was different for me is that it was, it’s a yes, and structure. And here’s what I mean by that. If I was following certain other teachers that I’d been exposed to about affirmations, I would have a card that says, I am calm and confident.
[00:07:55] And I would,
[00:07:56] I would look in the mirror and say, Hey, Rick, I’m calm and confident. And I would put more and more energy. I’d stand up on the Chair, I’ve been at a Tony Robbins concert and stood on the chair and yelled out affirmations. And there’s a high that you can get from that. For me, it’s not sustainable because it’s, Oh, this is this container where everything is powerful and I’m, you know, I’m calm and confident and now I am the voice.
[00:08:23] And, uh, then I go back to my hotel room and, you know, they overcooked my steak, right? Which is not the end of the world. But it can be like, what do I do about this? I say that because in, in tapping, we don’t deny where we are. In fact, we start with it. Even though I’m scared about blank and I feel that in my, my throat,
[00:09:04] I’m open to being surprisingly calm and confident anyway.
[00:09:13] I’m scared in my throat. I’m scared in my throat. Oh, that’s honest. That’s true. I’m scared of my throat about it. I’m scared in my throat. I’m scared in my throat and I’m open to being ridiculously calm and confident anyway. Notice the power of the word anyway, here, and I’m speaking for myself. And I’ve, I’ve noticed this with enough clients over the years that by including anyway.
[00:09:47] You’re, you’re not in denial that you could, and, and maybe it’s totally legit for a part of you to be scared. Um, a surgery, for example, you know, we’re not designed to be cut into even mindfully and skillfully, you know, my primitive brain goes, what? Um, so even though a part of me is scared, I’m in the process of settling and being confident anyway, grounded in present.
[00:10:20] Anyway,
[00:10:24] I believe that in emotional technology, it’s, it’s easier if we take something legitimately by the hand and invite it, coax it, even give some, like, yeah, and we’ve just, I’ve decided that, I’m going to focus my energy toward building. So even though there’s a lot that’s devastated on the trails that I walk in the town that I live in, I’ve decided to focus most of my energy on the rebuilding, the building and rebuilding can anyway, you notice how that we talk about bringing our power back.
[00:11:05] There’s a lot in the world that can take our power and say, Hey, I want that. I want your energy. I want your, your fear, your attention. You’re attending to, I want that. And it grabs us and it pulls us. You know, if I can say yes, and I’m going to be putting some of my energy here and yes. And I’m wanting to be thriving anyway.
[00:11:32] And so I’m going to balance out my attention. I’m going to be putting more of my chi in the things that matter and my own hardistry, um, rather than where my energy really, uh, can’t change. A reality in as meaningful a way. Yeah. Does that make sense?
[00:11:55] Yeah. It makes a lot of sense. I’d love to do some tapping on the duality of it.
[00:11:59] And I just want to remind everyone, our survival brain is geared to look at the negative. It’s instinctual. We need to be aware of potential downsides before we can take positive, look for the positive. So there’s nothing wrong. Like I used to beat myself up. Like I do the affirmations. I’m like, why am I still noticing all the negative?
[00:12:19] It’s, there’s nothing wrong with you. If that’s the case. Like I used to beat myself up. There’s nothing wrong with you. That is literally how instinctual it is. The people that were not noticing the negatives got eaten by leopards and they didn’t make it.
[00:12:33] They did not make it.
[00:12:35] My
[00:12:35] ancestors noticed the shadow behind the tree.
[00:12:40] So if you can, you know, just like karate chop, even though I do notice the negative.
[00:12:46] Even though I do notice the negative.
[00:12:48] And sometimes I get down on myself about that.
[00:12:52] And yes. Sometimes I get down on myself about that.
[00:12:55] There is nothing wrong with me.
[00:12:57] There’s nothing wrong with me.
[00:12:59] In fact, it helped me survive.
[00:13:01] In fact, it helped me to survive.
[00:13:03] Way to go, primitive brain.
[00:13:05] Way to go, primitive brain.
[00:13:07] And I can build the skill of being in duality.
[00:13:15] And I can build the skill of Of being,
[00:13:21] duality is not my word, um,
[00:13:22] it’s a Buddhist word, multidimensionality,
[00:13:24] multidimensionality anyway.
[00:13:28] Yes. Yes.
[00:13:29] Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.
[00:13:31] Yes. Yes.
[00:13:33] Yes.
[00:13:35] Eyebrow, there is some threat. Did you freeze Rick? I think you might have frozen.
[00:13:43] There is threat. Inside
[00:13:44] of the eye.
[00:13:45] Uh, I think we’ve got some connection issues.
[00:13:48] And that’s just part of life.
[00:13:52] Oh, even though that’s part of life.
[00:13:55] Under the eye, I used to think if I tapped enough I’d get away from all the threat.
[00:14:00] I used to think if I tapped enough I’d get away from all the threat.
[00:14:04] Under the nose, but that’s just not how life works.
[00:14:08] That’s just not how life works.
[00:14:10] Chin, and I can be in the yes and.
[00:14:13] And I can be in the yes and.
[00:14:16] Collarbone, and enjoy and thrive anyway.
[00:14:19] And enjoy and thrive anyway.
[00:14:23] Under the arm, just like any skill, it may take a little time.
[00:14:26] Just like any skill, it may take some time.
[00:14:29] Top of the head, but I can start right now with my yes, and
[00:14:33] I’m starting right now with my yes, and
[00:14:37] let’s take a nice gentle breath
[00:14:42] And I just invite you I’d love to hear what you have to say right, but I just want to invite you If you’re struggling with this, I’ve been listening to a lot of Thich Nhat Hanh who’s a Buddhist very famous Buddhist Monk, and he says if you could do nothing else If you’re overwhelmed and just can do nothing else, just come back to being aware of your in breath.
[00:15:04] And you just notice your in breath and let yourself come home. Home to you. Home is now in time, now in your body, now with this being right here in this XYZ space, just that in breath will just take you there. So like, if you’re not able to say, Oh, this is good. You can just like, I can take this breath. So this bad thing can happen or might happen or someone said something or whatever.
[00:15:29] And I can breathe and come back home both at the same time. And that’s like the simplest baby step you can do on that. And I think those simple baby steps are so powerful.
[00:15:45] Are we capable of this?
[00:15:50] Um, as I look at the arc of my life, there are times when I, I would meet it with a lot of skepticism, but if you have ever been in a lot of pain and laughed at a joke or enjoyed a tea or a coffee or a treat or notice the sunset anyway, then you’re also capable of it.
[00:16:26] To me, the essential nature of emotional freedom is this. It says, am I capable of this? And can, um, can I, can I come back to my inhale? Just try it. Just pay attention to your inhale.
[00:16:44] Now I’m in the middle of co creating a real skills workshop with all of you. And I can still
[00:16:53] come back to my inhale. Anyway. Um, we can be.
[00:17:04] I’ve been in cases where I knew enough that I was dissociating and able to notice that I could squeeze my hand anyway. I’m out of here and I’m noticing I can, I’m actually squeezing my hand. I’ve got, I’ve got some association happening. We’re fascinating this way. And if we’re going to be thriving for now and onwards, this is a skill that applies.
[00:17:43] This isn’t a requirement. Because. You know, we’re, we can focus in ways that we want. And this is a doorway to me, like, okay. And I use the kitchen a lot because I tending to the cooking for a family of four, Um, was, was never on my aspiration list. It wasn’t. And it matters to me to nourish my family and make sure that the stress and the strain.
[00:18:15] I got
[00:18:16] six weeks. I had breakfast, lunch and dinner prepared. I’m like, you can’t leave. It was
[00:18:21] lovely. I’m, I’m the simpleton chef. And there’s a quality of, of like, what happens when I feel strained about it thriving in and we says, yeah, well this really, I could do this with strain. I noticed that this morning I was a little stiff and tired from the gym yesterday and I’m undoing the dishwasher stuff and I’m noticing a tension in my jaw, jaw and things like that.
[00:18:50] And I was like, okay, how could I be thriving anyway? The interesting thing is, my body started softening, and as I put the glasses away, it was more of a shift, instead of like, you know, assembly line, it was more graceful, and I noticed that my neck started unwinding, and my head hurt less. Ah, what’s up with that?
[00:19:20] How is it that just asking the question, Well, how might I be thriving in this anyway, opens up a doorway for some intelligence around us, in us, home in us, to be able to offer a possibility, a yes, and
[00:19:41] I remember when I first met you, Rick, you talked about doing the dishes mindfully and it was like such a kind of like, my brain was like, what?
[00:19:50] Yeah, yeah,
[00:19:51] yeah. No, he’s like talking about walking mindfully, drinking your tea mindfully, like getting the mail mindfully, brushing your teeth. I was like, what?
[00:19:58] This isn’t gonna work. And then I did it. And I’m like, oh.
[00:20:02] And I felt
[00:20:04] like
[00:20:04] usually it was something I would rush through to try to get it, force myself to get it done.
[00:20:08] And when I slowed down and enjoyed it, I felt fulfilled and relaxed and calm afterwards. I’m like, wow. Well, this is magic. This is, this is like deep stuff. And I think that we do the yes. And we’re not blocking out the things that the universe is sending us that is fulfilling and loving and helping us.
[00:20:25] sustain ourselves and nurture ourselves through the things that are challenging.
[00:20:31] The chat’s open. Welcome all of you. Um, it’s great to have you with us. The chat is where you help, um, direct the next steps of the workshop if you feel drawn. Um,
[00:20:44] we’re going to
[00:20:45] be thriving anyway. And if there is something that you’re struggling with something that you’d like to share into the space and havCathyhy and I reflect on as well.
[00:21:00] Please feel free to use the chat for that now.
[00:21:06] I think that there’s My sense in myself and, and in the work that we do is the, the habit is built of like thriving anyway became a mantra for me. Um, and it was something that helps me to position myself in an empowered, creative, co creative way. Um, it’s okay. If you’ve got a little snark about it. Okay.
[00:21:51] And here’s what tapping. And if you’re new to tapping, Oh boy, I’m excited for you. Thriving now. com slash tapping reguide, um, some audios. Uh, and, uh, my email is our email is open at support at thriving now. com. as well. So this is, this is, uh, like one moment when I was there, uh, early in the morning. Um, everybody else is asleep.
[00:22:22] I’m, I’m meditating and I’m not really able to focus and I’m feeling kind of discombobulated. I’m not sure whether to go back, when to go back. Um, and snarky might sound like this. Even though this situation totally sucks.
[00:22:41] Even though this situation totally sucks.
[00:22:44] What in the world does it mean to be thriving anyway?
[00:22:48] What in the world does it mean to be thriving anyway?
[00:22:51] I just want to be frustrated.
[00:22:53] I just want to be frustrated.
[00:22:55] Top of the head. I am so frustrated.
[00:22:57] I am so frustrated.
[00:22:59] Eyebrow. I’m so confused.
[00:23:01] I am so confused.
[00:23:04] It’s just too much.
[00:23:06] It’s just too much.
[00:23:07] Under the eye. Thriving anyway?
[00:23:09] Thriving anyway.
[00:23:11] What a ridiculous idea.
[00:23:13] What a ridiculous idea.
[00:23:15] I can’t be thriving right now.
[00:23:17] I can’t be thriving right now.
[00:23:19] Hold on, not sitting here safe with a nice hot coffee.
[00:23:23] Not sitting here safe with a nice hot coffee.
[00:23:29] And a blanket that’s way too soft.
[00:23:32] A blanket that’s way too soft.
[00:23:33] And, and totally yummy.
[00:23:36] And totally yummy.
[00:23:38] In my best friend’s house that I’ve been wanting to visit for months.
[00:23:42] In my best friend’s house that I’ve been wanting to visit for months.
[00:23:46] It’d be ridiculous for me to be thriving anyway.
[00:23:48] It’d be ridiculous for me to be thriving anyway.
[00:23:52] What jerk came up with that?
[00:23:54] What jerk came up with that?
[00:23:58] I did. I did. Yeah. Now, Again, to me, that’s a yes and sort of tapping it. And I, I’m not recalling exactly, but I think that the first tapping round, I started like tearing and I paused for a bit. And then, uh, there was a little bit more. Rage at, um, all the things that were rage worthy in the world at that moment.
[00:24:34] And there were, it wasn’t just personal. A lot of it was out in the world and, um, as well, but then it did come around to something that was very similar to that, where, um, I love my morning coffee. You know, it’s magic. Kings of a thousand years ago would have been like, what is this beautiful thing? Um, and mine has, or had organic half and half lactose free talk about tune to the, my specific needs.
[00:25:12] Um, and I wasn’t pushing that. But the openness of the anyway, even, even if I’m just objecting to it, rebelling against it, um, I’m saying I’m rebelling against wisdom is sometimes where we are. And one of the things, the intelligences I find within everyone that I’ve ever done this with is that we come back around and the arguing in one side will then go and, you know, the coffee doesn’t suck here, right?
[00:25:49] Like, and You know, family safe and we’re going to go see the Redwoods today. And you know, we’re not that trained having to lug all those people up the mountain, but it was really nice to ride on it. You, you start opening up to the things that actually matter more to you. Um, and taking the breath in
[00:26:20] and coming home, it’s like, yeah, there’s, there’s aspects and, and maybe it’s my left elbow that is annoying me and demanding a lot of attention. And yes, left elbow and I’m, I’m here now. I am, I actually can feel some of those emotions, which I label thriving, gratitude, a sense of having work that matters.
[00:26:58] including feeding the family, like for me, you know, it’s not as a job. It matters to me. It matters to me. And so it comes from that place when I let it, when I retune myself. The any way I think is a very powerful door to, um, Returning to home and what matters and coming from that place, which is a different thing than, as Cathy was saying, the external, um, influences, including the, the, the future casting, um, that we do, um, or the frustration with having to be an allowing, allowing a situation to unfold.
[00:27:45] Um, that’s one of the hardest of the steps of, of, of, uh, emotional freedom, you know, awareness, accepting, adapting, taking action and allowing of those five, guess what? Allowing is the hardest for me and being there if, if I can get to, even though I have to wait because there’s no way to know. I’m open to exploring what’s available to us here right now anyway.
[00:28:17] It matters to us. That would be sweet for us. That would be unwinding for us. Go ahead.
[00:28:25] I think what you said is really important. We have to acknowledge the yes. Before we do. Yes. And we, if we try to ignore. The things that are our feelings, like what’s coming up and our feelings about it. That’s called spiritual bypassing.
[00:28:42] It’s pretending every like la la la la. I’m not going to notice that takes tremendous amount of energy and our body knows we’re lying. We will not feel good. No matter like I love it. Like no, I’m going to pretend this isn’t happening. I’m just going to like no, no, no, no, no. It can’t possibly be happening.
[00:28:58] Okay, Karate Chop, even though I don’t want to acknowledge that this is happening.
[00:29:03] Even though I do not want to acknowledge that this is happening. It stresses me. Yeah, it
[00:29:08] feels too awful.
[00:29:09] It feels too awful.
[00:29:11] The truth is, this is happening right now.
[00:29:14] The truth is, this is happening right now.
[00:29:16] And I’m still breathing.
[00:29:20] And I’m still breathing.
[00:29:22] Top of the head, I don’t want to acknowledge it.
[00:29:25] I don’t want to acknowledge it.
[00:29:26] Eyebrow, I will suffer if I acknowledge it.
[00:29:30] I will suffer if I acknowledge it too deeply.
[00:29:34] Side of the eye, and the truth is, this is reality.
[00:29:38] And the truth is, this is reality.
[00:29:40] Under the eye, maybe my stories about it aren’t real.
[00:29:44] Maybe all of my stories about it aren’t real.
[00:29:46] But the fact is, some things are happening.
[00:29:50] The fact is, some things are happening.
[00:29:52] And I can look at it for just little bits.
[00:29:55] And I can look at it for little bits.
[00:29:57] Collarbone, I can build my tolerance to reality.
[00:30:01] Oh, I like that. I can build my tolerance to reality.
[00:30:06] Unwanted reality.
[00:30:08] Under the arm. So that I get the yes down.
[00:30:12] So I get the yes down.
[00:30:13] Top of the head. So I can say yes and.
[00:30:16] Yes and.
[00:30:19] So I invite you to take a deep breath. So someone asked. Someone wants to keep up with the news and the headlines, but they’re getting distressed when they look at it. So tolerating things for a little bit, limiting, we don’t have to spend our whole day.
[00:30:36] Face to face with the bad thing. If it’s especially most of us, it’s not going to actually help anything. It’s just going to make us feel like our nervous system be worn out, but okay. I want to know the top news. I’m going to spend 10 minutes a day on a site that I feel pretty, like I feel good about, it’s going to be responsible and maybe I’ll just do a minute and I’m going to tap while I do it.
[00:30:59] And I’m going to go do something nice. I’m just going to breathe for a little bit. And then I’m going to come back, and I’m going to do a little more tapping while I read a little bit. Tolerance can be built up. When we first go to the gym, we don’t have to work out for two hours with a hundred pound weight.
[00:31:14] We can literally start with just lifting our own body weight or a cup of coffee or whatever. You can break it down into small bits. Um, and I think that especially if you want to be aware of what’s going on, finding, finding a website that I go to the BBC or Canadian news, I think they’re a little less biased.
[00:31:30] Um, and they tend not to be quite so salacious about it. Um, and then I, I read, I read the headlines and I read, I’ll read one or two articles that seem relevant and then I’m done. I turn it off and I go away. And my brain’s like, Oh, what if something new happened? No, if it was really big, my phone would be blowing up.
[00:31:50] They would be telling us about it. Like, I’m okay. Um, and it’s, I think it’s, it’s, if we can step in and step out. We’re teaching our system that we can be in the yes, in the whatever is happening, this thing that’s happening, I can tolerate it, and I also don’t have to stay trapped in it. That’s really good for our nervous system and our survival brain.
[00:32:11] So, you know, if you like, kind of, I will sometimes be like, I should be able to tolerate this longer. I’m like, yeah. No, I want to tolerate it to the point where I’m not overwhelmed and hurting my nervous system. It’s like when I’m lifting weights, I want to strain a little bit. Like I want to build up, like I don’t want to be like, Oh, I can’t even, I’m not even thinking about it.
[00:32:27] I want to notice it a little bit, but I don’t want to damage any muscles. I don’t want to create trauma. So, you know, like, oh, okay. And then to put it down, that’s not, that’s the other half of this. So really it’s like a great nervous system workout. It’s amazing life skill and it’s very simple and basic, but not easy.
[00:32:49] If that makes sense.
[00:32:49] Right. Because like, yeah, uh, someone said, what do, what do you do if you’re a ruminator now? Um, the energetics as I, as I would describe rumination. Is your, your looping, you’re, you’re in this thought field, you’re, and this is where if you’re ruminating on something, where’s the exit, where’s the pause, maybe it’s that, you know, your rumination goes from being a rat wheel to something that’s like an infinity sign, like, Oh, this matters to me, so I’m going to come back to it and I’m going, but I am going to also put it down and move elsewhere.
[00:33:32] Um,
[00:33:37] this. Testing and I got an image of let’s say you want to put, um, you know, you, you want to see if a pan is hot. You don’t just grab the whole thing. You might, you might like feel close to it or touch it just the briefest time just to verify whether it’s burning, scalding hot. Hopefully you don’t get your whole body into it.
[00:34:02] Um, the, the thriving anyway is, so if I’m exposing myself to external information, my spirit buddies engage with me right afterwards of Is there anything new and fresh here for us? I could
[00:34:26] add something to that to sort of finish your thought, but I want to, I just want to tag
[00:34:30] that. And how might we be thriving anyway?
[00:34:38] Now thriving anyway includes adapting, right? If it is a reality, there’s this unknown thing going on that makes me feel like, okay, do I have to pay, how much attention do I have to pay to this? There’s a part of my brain that goes. Don’t let it out of your sight. They’re unidentified flying objects. Do not pay all of your attention to it until we know.
[00:35:06] I can point to it. It’s right there. And he’s very insistent, even even though that part of me is insistent,
[00:35:14] even though that part of me is insistent
[00:35:16] and I hear it and I honor it.
[00:35:18] I hear it and I honor it.
[00:35:20] Right now, I’m doing something that matters for my thriving.
[00:35:24] Right now, I’m doing something that matters for my thriving.
[00:35:28] It’s okay to return to it at the right time.
[00:35:31] It’s okay to return to it at the right time.
[00:35:33] It’s not an immediate threat.
[00:35:35] It’s not an immediate threat.
[00:35:38] Ugh, part of me doesn’t think so.
[00:35:40] Part of me doesn’t think so.
[00:35:43] Yes, and it’s not running the show.
[00:35:46] Yes, and it’s not running the show.
[00:35:49] It’s not in charge of my thriving.
[00:35:51] It’s not in charge of my thriving.
[00:35:53] And my thriving matters to me.
[00:35:55] And my thriving matters to me.
[00:35:57] My thriving matters to me.
[00:35:59] My thriving matters to me.
[00:36:01] There’s always threats.
[00:36:04] There’s always threats.
[00:36:05] There are always threats.
[00:36:07] There’s always threats.
[00:36:10] And our thriving matters too.
[00:36:12] And our thriving matters too.
[00:36:15] My thriving matters to me.
[00:36:17] My thriving matters to me.
[00:36:22] Deep breath.
[00:36:27] Another thing, the tapping in the sequence, we’re doing a yes and, we’re acknowledging it. We’re giving it some movement. Conscious movement is different than ruminating. And then what do we do? We take a deep breath, come back home, and feel for where our energy actually wants to move, where our intelligence actually is.
[00:36:51] Um, you had something you wanted to
[00:36:53] Yeah, no, I just, I wanted to make sure I didn’t lose a thought because I think it’s important. Um, for people that have had early trauma, usually people that ruminate have had trauma of some kind. It is because those pathways got melanated that way when we were little.
[00:37:11] It is very hard to stop it at first because they’re, it’s whizzing, the neural pathways are going so fast it is hard to catch them. And they are like Roar, I’m on my hamster wheel I’m going really fast! Some part of you is desperately trying to solve this finally and it’s putting all the CPUs on it. And it’s like trying to, and also if something resonates with an old trauma, If there’s grief or pain or like, confusion, new things are going to trigger that old pathway.
[00:37:40] It’s like, kind of like, someone pushed the start button and now it’s like, I couldn’t figure that out when I was 3 or 5 or 10, but I’m going to figure it out now, god damn it. I’m going to just put everything in it. And the CPU starts smoking and we’re like, we can’t get off the track. Um, so one, just realizing, Hey, this isn’t just about now.
[00:37:56] There’s probably some old ghosts that are coming in helps me. Cause I’m like, why am I so fixated on that? Oh, it’s not just the reality. It’s not, it’s yes. And yes, it’s both. Um, it gives me some leverage in there and we can retrain our neural pathways by gently adding something in tapping is a great way.
[00:38:17] Breathing is a great way. Gratitude. We don’t have to just stop it. I try, like, sometimes I can stop it if it hasn’t, like, if it’s not got a lot of juice and go, I use a safe word with myself. I say our work, I mean, stop. And sometimes my brain’s like, Oh yeah, we stop and we hear the word artwork. Like, but that’s not for one that has a lot of steam under it.
[00:38:36] And a lot of, you know, like, that’s for like little things, but the more we practice stopping, the easier it gets to stop. The other thing you can do is add in out, just like even noticing and being aware, Oh, I’m ruminating. This must mean a lot to me. And I can add a little gratitude. So can we do just a little tapping on that?
[00:38:54] Yeah.
[00:38:55] Karate chop. Even though I’m ruminating again.
[00:38:58] Even though I’m ruminating
[00:38:59] again. I am really good at ruminating.
[00:39:02] I am really good at ruminating.
[00:39:04] I really care about the answer to this.
[00:39:09] I really care about the answer to this.
[00:39:12] I love that. I care so much.
[00:39:14] I love that I care so much
[00:39:16] and my brain’s a little tired of this particular pathway,
[00:39:20] and my brain is a little tired of this particular pathway.
[00:39:24] I’m kind of spinning my wheels.
[00:39:26] I’m kind of spinning my wheels,
[00:39:28] and I still love that. I care so much
[00:39:30] and I still love that I care so much. Anyway,
[00:39:33] top of the head. Some of this is about old stuff too.
[00:39:36] Some of this is definitely about old stuff too.
[00:39:38] And I did survive that stuff.
[00:39:42] And I did survive it.
[00:39:44] So I am in the process of healing it.
[00:39:47] I am in the process of healing it.
[00:39:49] Under the eye, and I’m having a little trouble stopping this rumination.
[00:39:54] And I am having trouble stopping this rumination right now.
[00:39:58] Under the nose, and maybe I can ruminate and breathe.
[00:40:01] And maybe I can ruminate and breathe. Then
[00:40:04] maybe I can ruminate and tap.
[00:40:08] And maybe I can ruminate and tap.
[00:40:10] Collarbone, then I’m starting to give myself more room to look at things differently.
[00:40:15] And I’m giving myself more room to look at things differently.
[00:40:19] Under the arm, look at me doing self care.
[00:40:22] Look at me doing self care.
[00:40:24] Top of the head, I can do that and ruminate.
[00:40:26] I can do that and ruminate.
[00:40:28] And just invite you to take a breath with that.
[00:40:32] I think when we’re judging ourselves, we have to stop ruminating. It’s just, it’s too much. We’re fighting like this. Versus kind of going with the, the, the, the like ruminating, but like, we’re going to add in some gratitude. We’re going to add in some breath. We’re going to add in some tapping with that. And then when it’s smaller things that we can stop or like, well, I’ve been having this thought process for a long time.
[00:40:54] Maybe I can clear some of the emotions around this first and maybe I’ll see a different doorway that I didn’t before. Like it starts giving us options. But if we’re just yelling at ourselves, I’m like, I have to stop doing that. It’s just gonna, it’s just gonna push harder. So I think the more you can, especially you can acknowledge this isn’t just about now.
[00:41:11] It’s about old stuff where I felt unsafe or out of control and I can notice some good things too. Then we start getting some, some ease with that. So I want to make sure to add that in because I thought that was an important point.
[00:41:24] I had the picture of the kid’s train, um,
[00:41:35] there’s something interesting with, you know, when you set up the train and you set it up as a loop, and it just is doing the same thing, right? Um, there’s a part of me that gets like stuck in it. Whereas if I’m, if there’s any switch yard,
[00:42:00] even if it hits a dead end and they have to back the train out,
[00:42:08] there’s a quality of choice in that. And
[00:42:23] when we’re, when we’re actually being traumatized, part of that is, I don’t have choice here. I, I don’t know what to do. I can’t run. I can’t fight. Free, if I’m freezing, it feels horrible. Um, I know that there’s, and those echoes, as, as Cathy said, if we can pause them, hard bark. Which is a pause and a breath.
[00:42:53] Ahhhh.
[00:42:59] Even saying, now what?
[00:43:09] Arriving anyway to me doesn’t mean that we’re able to instantly go to some sweet vibration of gratitude.
[00:43:19] That’s a step
[00:43:20] by step. It really can be, um, well, at least the coffee isn’t poisonous. This morning, at least doesn’t seem to be, you know, I say that because that’s That’s a, that’s an offshoot from being stuck in some emotional state, um, that sense of skill that I can, I can use.
[00:43:53] I have tools available to me, not always to get where I want to go as fast as I’d like to get back,
[00:44:06] but I’m, I I’m opening up options. It’s that feeling of, of having options. Um, I remember, I re, I remember. Things that I felt that the only reasonable way to deal with this was to be frustrated and angry The clothes are left behind the door in my bathroom Again,
[00:44:41] and i’ve decided to pick them up. Anyway, I remember tapping on that
[00:44:50] and my state changed and I think that that’s part of When I think of thriving now, it says, do I have some skill with my emotional energy? Um, and we’re building, that’s what these workshops are about. We’re building pathways as you hear and feel the pathways and where they came from for Cathy and me and other people that are sharing.
[00:45:19] Um, it’s a way for your nervous system and your Your intelligence system and your core wisdom to resonate with your freedom, Kim, with the people that want to not be stuck feeling like this is a disaster and will never recover
[00:45:40] stuck forever. Yeah,
[00:45:42] we’re stuck forever. Um, when it’s like there were people early on and I saw quite a number of different humans post that Asheville will never be the same.
[00:46:01] And you can imagine that there’s a vibe of that. Which is sort of despairing. It’ll never be the same. It’ll never be the same. The River Arts District will never be the same. And that makes me sad. And I’m wondering how the artists are going to be thriving anyway.
[00:46:25] Yes, they might be well.
[00:46:27] I wonder how it is going to be rebuilt.
[00:46:29] I wonder how it will be rebuilt.
[00:46:32] I wonder what will be rebuilt.
[00:46:34] I wonder what will be rebuilt.
[00:46:37] Ah, it’ll never be the same.
[00:46:41] It will never be the same.
[00:46:43] I’ll never be the same.
[00:46:44] I’ll never be the same.
[00:46:46] Thank goodness for that. Can you imagine if I was still like I was when I was 29?
[00:46:53] Oh
[00:46:55] my gosh. So glad it’ll never be the same.
[00:47:03] So glad it’ll never be the same.
[00:47:06] And I can be thriving anyway.
[00:47:08] And I can be thriving anyway.
[00:47:09] And so can my community.
[00:47:11] And so can my community. I love, I mean, I think one important thing about that is like, that’s a big transformation, like a lot of things happen at once. But I was thinking the other day about impermanence, like things change.
[00:47:24] And we’re talking about Rick and the kids and everybody, Jem coming back here for a little bit longer visit next summer. I was like, Oh, it’s going to be so fun, but it won’t be the same. A deer, like, it kind of contrasts sharper with a four year old. She’s going to change. It’s going to be so much different, but we’re all growing and evolving.
[00:47:41] Nothing will ever be the same. And I think when I, like, when something big happens, it’s like, uh, that’s like a lot of grief. So much could change. And we’re all changing all the time. Nothing is, we’re just kind of in this river of life and we’re getting to like, it’s kind of coming. We’re like. floating past it, it’s there, but like, we’re kind of moving through it.
[00:48:04] And when I kind of help myself normalize it rather than make, Oh my God, everything’s changed forever. It’s like, everything is always changing forever. And if I can just breathe and tap and be with it, I get the new nourishment and the enjoyment of the moment. So, um, I just think that’s really important.
[00:48:24] Um, should we take our break? I want to do some tapping on and talking about the doubting. Someone asked about, uh, medical, uncertainty in the medical stuff. And I know we have some other things we want to cover, but should we take our break now?
[00:48:36] Yeah, let’s take a seven.
[00:48:41] Sorry about that.
[00:48:42] No worries. We’re thriving anyway. Okay. Seven minutes. I’m going to pause the recording. Welcome back.
[00:48:52] Yes. Um, you talked about this a little bit before, but I think it’s really important. Someone asked, they’re saying they’re doubting their intuition about a medical finding. They’re, they’re worried they’re okay.
[00:49:04] And they feel like they might be, but they’re not sure because it’s different from what the doctor said. Yeah. And I think you were talking about, like, you didn’t know when you could get back to Asheville. Like, it’s things that we don’t know that, I mean, I love the analogy you give about, it might be a green banana.
[00:49:19] Like, it may not be, But our brain really struggles with that because we want to be able to anticipate the future. We want to be able to know for sure things are what they, you know, what we, especially what we hope they can be. And I think that it’s hard to feel thriving when there’s something, you know, That’s significant.
[00:49:39] Like, can I go home with my family? When will I be able to go home? Is it safe to go home with my family? Should I listen to the medical doctor versus what, you know, what might feel different, aligned for me? Our brain will get really caught up in that. And it’s really, it’s, it wants to have a solution. Um, and I think there’s a couple of things where we can do when that happens.
[00:50:01] I think one, the yes, just acknowledge that that’s tough when we don’t know. Like this is really hard. This is a big thing that’s affecting my life in a significant way. My family, like, ah, okay. Just acknowledging. Yes, it is. It’s a big thing. And that I don’t necessarily know what the right thing is to do yet.
[00:50:21] Like it may be, it may be not a ripe banana or I have to get more information, a second opinion, whatever that is. Um, one thing I’ve been trying to do when I have something like that, where I’m just not sure is I first do my emotional clearing. I want to ground myself and like, okay, in this moment, I’m actually safe.
[00:50:43] Usually, like if there’s, if you’re in imminent danger, do what you need to, to get out of imminent danger. But if it’s something you’re worried about, like you’re uncertain about for like, you know, like something happened coming up, like, okay, in this very moment, I’m safe. And I look around the room and that really helps me.
[00:50:59] It’s like, okay.
[00:51:00] Sufficient.
[00:51:01] Yeah. I think you froze.
[00:51:05] Yeah, I’m noticing your connection go red and I don’t know whether it’s on my side or on your side. Has
[00:51:21] Rick been freezing or have I been freezing?
[00:51:23] Cathy’s voice got more or is mine?
[00:51:30] So that coming back to right here, right now, it’s one of the things that I felt during those,
[00:51:43] um, this, there are things that are a part of our world. Okay. Thank you. Um, it, it could definitely be on, on my side. We have all kinds of weird weather and, uh,
[00:52:00] Ice storm and stuff. Um,
[00:52:08] there are, within the people that I, I care about, Circle members and others, there are people that legitimately, a big part of their tending and life force goes to things that are for their survival today. And one of the things that inspired me in my own life is recognizing that the yes, a big part of their day must be focused.
[00:52:43] It’s essential. It says my connection is unstable. I must be focused on survival. And, and how can I be thriving anyway? Is there a moment where I can, you know, enjoy a bath or laugh or get out in nature and see something that touches my soul?
[00:53:09] It’s convinced me that it is, it is possible. Even when there’s so much energy. And I believe that it is, it’s made a bit more available when we acknowledge, as you were talking about, like, yeah, this is a big deal. And I wonder, I wonder, I’m curious if there’s something that I could notice that would, that would help.
[00:53:38] be nourishing to me? That would be grounding for me? That would remind me that I’m safe? Is there some connection where there’s love in my world? Oh, my furry friend. Oh, my, my friend across the continent, or even across the world. Ah. It’s not saying this is the part of the the end. I think that is powerful.
[00:54:10] We’re capable of being grieving and grateful at the same time. Energetically, if we were colors, that’s, you know, that’s a mix. It’s a mix where More than capable of having multiple feelings, energetic vibrations. We’re not playing our life piano with one finger or just our nose. Um, we’re able to play chords and pause and experiment with different tones.
[00:54:45] We’re much more capable of, of changing ourselves up and even, you know, I listen to
[00:55:00] her playing a Christmas song, and then they were playing, playing along with it. And, um, yeah, if I’m breaking up, you feel free to take over.
[00:55:12] Okay. Um, yeah, it’s, it’s, I think I was reading, there’s some other comments too. I think being able to step out the worry, the big worry, the concern we have is this like corner kind of tornado that drops on us.
[00:55:29] It’s like, Oh, my God, am I gonna lose my job? Oh, my God, is it safe to go home? Oh, my God, is this medical thing going to be like something really big? We get caught up in the tornado. And I think when we can come back to here and now we start looking at the tornado as something outside of ourselves, and we can make better decisions that if we’re whipping around in the tornado going.
[00:55:47] I don’t quite know what’s going on. Another way to do it, we can do tapping, we can come back to the here and now. Another thing I like to do is I ask my clients, my coaching clients, I’m like, if this was your sister or your niece or a dear friend, what would you suggest? Because when we’re in the tornado, we’re thinking about ourselves, our brain is kind of freaking out.
[00:56:07] It’s like, wait, I’m in this tornado. I’m scared about what I’m going to face, what I feel. My brain’s thinking of all the scenarios. So if I can just like, oh, can I step back and observe myself and like, oh, maybe I want to get a second opinion on that medical condition. Um, you know, maybe I don’t want to listen to one doctor or maybe I want to do some tapping to ground myself and notice that, oh, I’m afraid of feeling this and that’s not good.
[00:56:34] Maybe I can do some tapping and growing so I can face it a little tolerated better. Um, you do have a thought on that Rick? It looks like you’re tapping. So,
[00:56:45] I’m aware that
[00:56:50] there’s a range where the other human is. in a situation of predicament. And this workshop and the idea of Thriving Anyway may be completely a bridge too far. Um,
[00:57:14] I also include in Thriving Anyway, Adira’s
[00:57:23] grandmother was dying and
[00:57:32] Adira was there holding her hand.
[00:57:42] There’s a tragedy happening, right? My, my daughter’s time with her grandmother. Living was coming to an end, and in the seven or eight other deaths later that that was going to happen, but in the hospital, by the time she was in the hospital, it was very clear she wasn’t coming out of the hospital, um,
[00:58:14] so that’s a moment where there’s something that’s precious that matters, that was a part of a tragedy, like, it feels tragic, there’s a part of me that just feels it’s really tragic, and a part of me that sees that. And then Mimi, you know, the next day was feeling strong enough to play, um, you know, always look on the bright side of life, which is a bunch of people being crucified and singing together.
[00:58:46] Always look on the bright side. Now this is, this is, that was her life. She was, she often had extreme experiences and she was a bright side of life. So here, Again, there’s, there’s life and death happening with all the grief and, uh, the hospital and all the options and, and unclearness and moments. And so
[00:59:24] if there are moments of joy, play, something, even if we can’t fully feel them, perhaps we catalog them like, like Jem did in the calendar. Catalog moments that we want to carry with us as part of our thriving going forward. Um, Pictures of, of Mimi’s tea party, you know, here, she was really quite, it was very, very difficult for her, but she made a tea party for Emerald’s birthday, uh, up in Alaska.
[01:00:05] Um, and enormous pain, the kind of pain that kept you from, from sleeping all night and the kind of pain that, you know, had you sitting on the toilet for, you know, 80 percent of the day. Um, sometimes, and she showed me that. Hey, I’m, if I’m capable of rising for a moment to be in sacred connection with these beings that I hold dear, I want to do that.
[01:00:45] When I don’t have that chi, it’s okay for me to let them be living and happy. Um,
[01:00:54] it’s just, it’s a really, these are tender things. Um, sometimes I, my brain goes thriving. It’s all the good stuff. Sometimes it’s the, the tears of rich love. that burn, that sting as well, that we allow ourselves to feel. Um, so.
[01:01:17] I, I, I think I was, I’ve been listening to a lot of, uh, Buddhists, like some of the insights that, um, some of the people have been sharing about meditation and they talk about how if our life was infinite, we didn’t have to worry about dying or we didn’t see other people dying, there wouldn’t be a sweetness.
[01:01:35] of the times we get to have, it wouldn’t be so special, um, and I think that when we notice something is very intense, one of the things that I felt found repeatedly softens the intensity a little bit is noticing that it matters. Like, I think we get caught up, I need to hold this, Versus, oh, this, like, the person shared about their medical procedure, someone shared about their dog, and they’re having issues.
[01:02:01] It’s like, oh, this being, my life, or this dog, it matters to me. And just being with, like, I can acknowledge the mattering. There’s a little bit of softness, and it takes us from, like, this kind of tight hold to, like, Oh, I’m, my heart cares about this being, and I’d like to find a solution. I don’t know if there’s a perfect solution or a good solution, but noticing the caring versus the intensity of the fear, it just, there’s a little bit of releasing and softness in that.
[01:02:33] And I think that when we can do that, it’s, it’s really powerful. We don’t always have control. I watched my
[01:02:42] father
[01:02:43] die of lung cancer. I did everything I knew how. I researched medical doc. I wrote to all the people doing research. I, everything I could do. And I was there and I made, I was there. I hope I made his ending more gentle because I was there and supported my stepmom and him and the rest of the family, but we can’t always change the outcome of something.
[01:03:05] But if we notice the caring, we can often maybe steer it. If I just got caught up in my dad dying and I needed to keep him alive and just like kept like, let’s pump him full of chemicals, let’s push that, I wouldn’t have had the sweetness of like, Oh, this man has, there’s nothing else they can do. Can I just spend some time with it?
[01:03:24] What can I do to find the joy in the moments? What can I do to, um, make the suffering of other people less bad? And it was hard. I had a lot of grief. And after he passed, I didn’t want to talk on the phone for like two years. I was like, no, I’m done. I’ve done my time. But I think we, if we can notice first that something really, my health matters.
[01:03:50] This dog matters. Okay. Maybe people, someone shared that their, their, their, their dog is on med to, and they can’t have any salt or extra food. And the rest of the family is not supporting that. And the person can’t take him to work and friends can’t take him and daycares. outside of their scope. And it’s like, wow, these people are just being kind of assholes about it.
[01:04:14] They’re not supporting. They’re not helping. And it’s like, wow, this really hurts. I, you know, like, I’m just going to be with, I’m going to breathe. I’m going to be with the actual feeling I’m feeling before I try to solve it and get away from it. If I can tolerate it and be with it, And acknowledge that, wow, I really care.
[01:04:34] My heart really cares about this. This is very important to me. I want to find a solution. When we go from the caring versus the fear, we have a little more, it’s a little easier to think. It’s a little easier to like, like, wow, my family doesn’t seem to be changing. And I can’t afford daycare. I wonder if I could find a, uh, a Watching like someone I could trade with, like someone I don’t know yet.
[01:05:01] Can I reach out on, I have a next door app here where I can go in and people can, like, I’m looking for someone. I can take the dogs for walks every morning. If you can have the dog, but he has, this is what I need. And then maybe it’s something like I will go over with the dog a few times. Like, I wouldn’t just leave my, my animal with someone I didn’t know, but like, let’s go for a meet in the park, get to know each other, see if the dogs get, get along.
[01:05:25] There may be a solution outside of what we’re thinking, but when we’re, when we’re in the fear and the frustration and the pain of like, if your family’s not supporting you with something that’s so important to you, and they actually seem a little vindictive, it’s like, I’m in fear and anger. And those are not bad.
[01:05:41] We’re allowed to have those feelings. We have grief, fear, anger, they’re all like legitimate. But when we’re reacting from the fear or the feeling of helplessness, it’s harder to find a solution. We kind of just feel like we’re, at least my experience, like I’m butting my head and I’m like, my brain is trying so hard and I’m just suffering.
[01:06:01] And if I can just be, if I can tolerate the actual pain I’m feeling and breathe. If I can do a little tapping on the pain I’m feeling and then acknowledge, wow, this is coming from intense care. I am a very caring, loving person. I think it just opens up some possibilities. Sometimes it doesn’t mean I could make my dad not die.
[01:06:22] My dad still died. And I’m not saying that’s true for everybody. Like this is just advice, particular case. Sometimes we don’t like the outcome, but. If, you know, like if I, it might also be sometimes the universe wants us to help, like to notice things. If something like my family were really vindictive and not very nice and not really listen to boundaries, maybe the dog is trying to help me notice that they’re not so nice to me either.
[01:06:47] Maybe the universe is trying to draw my attention to something. Um, sometimes like I still remember my uncle was in a, a great uncle was in a car accident and broke both arms and everyone’s like what a tragedy. Oh my God. Well, because the, he had broken his arms and they thought he might have broken ribs they did an x ray of his lungs, they would have never done it otherwise.
[01:07:09] They found cancer at stage one and they were able to completely, you know, like he lived many, many, like 50 years more, but like at the time it was horrible. He couldn’t even like wipe himself and he was like, everyone’s like, what a tragedy. But his wife later, my aunt was like, this was the biggest blessing we could imagine.
[01:07:27] So I think when we can get, if we can be with the fear and comfort ourselves through it, look for the love that’s underneath and the intention that we have. There might be some really beautiful wisdom in there. And so there’s not, I don’t have a perfect solution. That sounds like such a tough situation.
[01:07:46] I’m so sorry that this is happening. I, when, when people that are close to us don’t support things that we love or actually kind of get in the way of it or fight it, it’s, there’s a lot of, there can be a lot of anger, grief, confusion. Um, and. I think just being with that too, um, like I, I have very good reasons to be angry about this.
[01:08:10] I have a reasons like, even though I’m really angry and I have a lot of grief, I’m okay. It just like taps through the feeling, just be, and you, we use the words to help us focus on the feelings. When we have intense feelings, we don’t have to use the words. We’re just like, sometimes I’ll just sit there like, oh, And I’m helping my system process some of this and release it so it’s not bottled up and toxic, toxic.
[01:08:38] Um, and then I have a little more room to maybe see other solutions or with my dad, just to see that there wasn’t a solution that was going to, the solution wasn’t that he was going to get out alive, but how can we make this as loving and graceful as we can possibly make it. So
[01:08:56] loving and graceful as we,
[01:09:03] a lot of the work that we do around emotional freedom, is to have moments when we’re not in reactive fear, terror, um, and even intensely needing it to be different. Um,
[01:09:28] it’s a tender thing for me because there’s this reaction in me that, um, it should be fixable. Yes, if we
[01:09:41] think about it hard enough, we can fix everything.
[01:09:44] Um, Okay, so I’ll come out of my perimeter brain, if it means that I’m going to get a fix for me, the, uh, the pathway to getting out of my perimeter brain is a quality of accept, acknowledgement and acceptance, even though they may die.
[01:10:07] And to a great extent, that’s out of my hands. Um,
[01:10:17] just speaking, this is not a recommendation for anyone. Calling people to do, there’s been a real usefulness to me when people, when my furry friends have been sick or dying, when family members have been sick or dying for my own embrace of mortality. Um,
[01:10:45] if I don’t tend to that, then I’m a really overprotective parent. I want. I want Adira to outlive me, but that’s not, and I want my other kids. How do they thriving anyway for me says I’m aware. I hate it, and I’m aware of this reality, and I’m putting some energy into accepting it so that the ideas that come to me are ones that enhance my now, my now, and our next now, and onwards.
[01:11:36] Granted, there’s a quality of thriving, like I, I got, you know, I don’t see my oldest kids very often at, at my mom’s Thanksgiving, they were there. From Wednesday through, you know, Friday morning at 7 a. m. Um, I didn’t know they were leaving at 7 a. m. Um,
[01:12:03] and my, my reaction to them leaving, I woke up at four o’clock in the morning and I’m meditating and tapping a bit. And like, I hated the fact that they weren’t staying till lunch. Cause there was a part of me that expected that. Um, and they had good reasons that they were leaving early. Uh, and
[01:12:28] I didn’t. I wonder how this morning could be thriving anyway. And part of that was preparing myself for reality. They were going to be walking out. A part of me was really feeling into what do I want to make them breakfast or no, I’m going to make them coffee. I know that coffee’s going to be a hit. So we had plenty of fresh coffee.
[01:12:55] Um, and I was grounded and present as they were preparing. And I don’t want this to be happening. I don’t want this to be happening. And that’s where this work that we’re doing together, building the skill together means that when there is a moment. a moment of transition, life and death, or just saying goodbye for the day.
[01:13:28] Um, am I with it? Am I home in my body in the now so that I can take it in and let it become part of me?
[01:13:44] Yeah, I love that. I think that one thing that if that to add on to that, one thing that’s comforting me with people that I’ve loved is, it’s not just, I sometimes put it all on me. I have to decide when my cat was sick. Like, I have to decide when it was time to let her go. I have to just like keep her safe and fix everything.
[01:14:03] And it’s like, no, she’s in this with me. Like she has a bean and then she’s a very stubborn cat. She did, you know, she was cat like she did her thing. And with people too, I like, I saw Adira and she’s like so tiny and precious to me. It really helped me connect with my younger self. Who’s like, I’m always like, she should have done better.
[01:14:22] I’m like, Oh, she couldn’t, she was so little, but. We can, we can do what we can, especially with small children. It’s our responsibility to make them as safe as possible, but we don’t have full control and they have a will and a choice and an ability to navigate some of that themselves. And even the people in the person was talking about their dog, their, their family has been pretty toxic about this.
[01:14:48] They have free will and they may have old traumas. I don’t like. I sometimes try to wonder, like, well maybe they’re really having trouble with the dog being sick and they’re acting out because they feel powerless or whatever it is. We don’t always know what other people are doing or why, and it’s hard to watch that sometimes.
[01:15:06] It was hard to watch Adira lean over the side of the train when we were on a 40 foot trestle. And I’m like, Emerald, can you grab the back of her belt? She’s a little, and half her weight, body weight is out of the train. I try not to scare her with heights, but that doesn’t look safe. Um, like we can, we have to balance.
[01:15:25] our responsibility, and I think most people here are really smart, caretaker, good, you know, like, we’re really good at taking care of other people and taking the responsibility, and it’s not all ours. There’s the universe was a whole bunch of it. There’s the other people involved the other animals involved There’s like okay I do have some control and some ability to do things and the first thing I have control of is Can I come back to my breath?
[01:15:51] Can I be with this feeling? Can I like, you know, unless you’re like something’s a meteor is heading towards you Get out of the way first and then worry about that stuff. But like for most of us most situations Let’s just come back to ourselves first, and the breath, and our caring, and then we can make, we have room for a lot of other things that will make a bigger difference, that let us thrive a lot more, even though the yes may not be very delicious at all.
[01:16:19] And it also role models us for other people. I think this is, so few people have these skills. So the fact that you’re here geeking out on this, I know it’s a tough topic, but you’re like, you’re like embedding something that’s so powerful for yourselves and for others. Other people are going to see that and go, huh, kind of want what that person has.
[01:16:38] I wonder how I can get that. It’s possible to be different. So I think that we’re ripples in the world right now that we’re, we’re helping create the world we want to live in. By doing this work. So I just want to honor the courage that in the heart that brings you here to these calls,
[01:16:56] just the courage to
[01:17:02] so, so much of social dynamics can be around what’s gone. What’s what’s wrong. What am I struggling with? What am I overwhelmed by? It is a way that people, um, create survival kitchens. Um, and I love that. Our circle is a combination of that. This is real and it’s powerful and it’s a predicament and I don’t have a solution and, and we often see, you know, um,
[01:17:43] get to see the dog chasing something and coming back and getting on video or something like that at the same, you know, in the same breath, there’s a reality that’s That’s and a playfulness that’s here now and it’s an and and I, I don’t want to walk in the world where I’m telling people, but only focus on the positive.
[01:18:05] You’re here now. Just focus on the love only. Go away. That’s me. I, I, I. I appreciate how many and oriented. Yes. And yes. And, um, people are a part of our community. I’m deeply grateful with you. Um, I, part of my thriving is supporting people that want to be building what it means for them to have a thriving life and a thriving lifestyle.
[01:18:45] Sometimes that’s business oriented. Some it’s.
[01:18:50] In ways of being useful in service and kindness and whatever it is, if you’re hearing this and and that’s alive in you, you have a yearning for thriving anyway, um, despite what maybe in
[01:19:08] I know people that are really deeply rich in their artistry at the same time that they know that they’re dying. And so grateful that I’ve been close enough to be a part of their yes and ah,
[01:19:33] so that we can recognize our humanity includes.
[01:19:43] Yeah.
[01:19:44] Thank you, Cathy.
[01:19:46] Yeah, I so appreciate all this. And I love, you know, just. I think we can let the love we feel, like, when we care about something, we’re cared about as family and as home. Uh, people care about their health, people care about their pets and their loved ones. Um, when we can remember that love is there, that love is eternal, that doesn’t go away.
[01:20:05] Just like, you know, they talk about energy can’t be destroyed, love cannot be destroyed. And so it’s there, so let your love Carry you forward where you need to go. Like if you need to make a change in your life or if you need to get a second opinion or whatever it is, if you can get from the fear, be with the fear, but then notice the love as well and breathe, the love can help you connect to some different options and you can let that help you carry it through.
[01:20:32] You’re never alone with this. The love that you’re feeling, that’s, that’s there. So I just, yeah, I love this topic, Rick. Thank you so much for putting it together and thank you all for being here with us.
[01:20:45] Thank you. Uh, until next time we have some, we’re going to current plan is to do real skills, workups, and uh, thank you all. Bye for now.
Great to have you on this journey with us!